(*In response to men’s take on nipple stimulation and what they like.*)
Got into an interesting debate on the difference between porn & erotica last night. Especially in regard to how the female body is treated for the sake of men’s ogling. Erotica is much more women-friendly than porn, especially with all the rampant crap that is available on the internet. Female-centered erotica with real orgasms is the hallmark of IFeelMyself.com. Every (straight / bisexual) man should watch some of that. :)
Kissing and sucking a man’s nipples is a true delight for me. I mean, I really love it. I do chest worship on a man — cupping the chest / pectoral muscle with my hands, massaging the skin, muscle, and nerves, while sucking the nipple — the way men like to suck female breasts. LUV LUV LUV doing that! But the guys I’ve tried it on said it felt weird (in a bad way) to them, or that it didn’t do anything for them. Either they weren’t allowing themselves to enjoy it (too “feminine” perhaps?), or I had really lousy technique (which I doubt, but anything’s possible).
The treatment of the breasts is one of my main oppositions to porn. My ex-husband once (and only once) lifted one of my breasts and dropped it like I know he’d seen in porn. I couldn’t believe he did that!! Or that he thought that would feel good?!! But he’d seen it in porn, and those women “liked” it (because they were directed to react that way and they were paid to pretend to like it, moron!). It hurt incredibly, and I felt it was horribly disrespectful to me and to my body. (Later, he would make a comment about my breasts that cut me to my core — the kind of thing that is just not forgivable and will never be forgotten (it is etched in my soul), and I knew then he had never respected me as a woman or my body as something sacred and special. I was a possession to him. Wish I’d realized that a long time before then…)
And back on the topic of breastfeeding a child — Yes, some women experience a closeness to their child, but not all of us. At least, not when you spend 45 minutes every two hours having small gums cutting your flesh as they try to feed. Some women even orgasm while breastfeeding. So it might be comfortable for other women, but it sure wasn’t for me. I still have the scars. So “rock on!” to the women who enjoy breastfeeding — I didn’t, but that was my personal experience.
As for the light flicking of a tongue across my nipples, yes that can send a “zing” down south, but I love feeling a man’s warm, wet mouth full-on sucking my breasts. This can bring practically instant cervical / Kundalini orgasms. Delicious! And don’t forget — the underside of the female breast (below the nipple-areola complex) is rife with nerve endings just waiting to be stimulated by gentle caresses and nibbling and kisses!
That book, Tantric Orgasm for Women, made so much sense! (Will write a review soon!) As we know, the nipples are wired directly to our lady’s loins, so I truly believe the breasts are the gateway to female orgasm. Breast worship is a lovely beginning to the main event, anyway. Also, Tantra teaches that, in women, the upper lip is also wired directly to the clitoris, so kissing her upper lip, or letting her kiss you all over has lots of side benefits for her and for you. (For men, the lower lip is connected to his genitals.)
And thanks for the info that men’s nipples seem to be wired to the perineum / anal area. Good tip! I have done perineal massage on myself in the past, but didn’t notice much.
In the past few weeks, I’ve noticed a bit more in the perineum, as well as the nerve endings around my anus. Beyond adding a little pressure to the (external) perineum, I’m not sure what else to do. I am beginning to explore the perineal sponge (inside) a bit more — really loving the initial explorations! And with a couple fingers in my vagina playing with my She Spot, my pinky keeps finding its way to my anus. A slippery slope (quite literally!), but I’m not ready to mix the two (vaginal & anal) yet. I will eventually, but sometimes it already seems like so much “work”. :-)
And I really appreciate men being so willing to talk about all this from your male perspective. You give cynical women like me a reason to hope for the male of the species.
And thank you for putting up with my bouncing around on topics. Writing in “stream of consciousness” is my forte`, and I like to share something new when the thought arises… Now, if one of yous guys can tell me why men grab their own ass during sex, I just might be set for a while…
Aroused and zinging,
(*In response to a gentleman’s comment about nipple stimulation.*)
I’d LOVE to hear what nipple stimulation “techniques” are most preferable to men — gentle squeezing of the nipple, stroking of the nipple-areola complex? Something stronger? Pectoral massage? Hmmm?
Unfortunately, I think most young guys get their notion of how to treat breasts from watching porn. Personally, the way men (and women) treat breasts in porn is down right horrible, in my opinion. Clearly porn is for the male voyeur who doesn’t realize that such man-handling HURTS! If you watch the women on IFeelMyself.com, you can see how real women treat their breasts. It’s very loving – even when we’re highly aroused, we are NOT rough, groping, pawing, lifting / dropping the breast(s). OUCH!
It’s weird to talk about breasts because usually (for me) it is in a negative way due to many negative experiences with men (who like to grope things that aren’t theirs). But I am now in a much better place emotionally and mentally with my breasts because of doing sensual massage (and yoni massage down lower has been amazingly rewarding), and generally realizing my breasts aren’t the enemy (and neither are men ).
When you hate one part of your body, it’s difficult to love yourself as a whole — you feel separated from an intrinsic part you. Breastfeeding my daughter actually pushed me further from my breasts emotionally because it was not a good experience for me (though, I would do breastfeeding again because it is the best source of nutrition for a child).
But if other women can re-examine their relationship with their breasts, or their clitoris, their vulva, vagina, female prostate(!!!), et al, then the we can heal individually, and that will help women heal as a community. Just imagine the energy shift and power surges if every woman in the world actually LOVED herself?!
Aroused and massaging,
Haven’t done KSMO is several days — need to do it tonight. I haven’t attempted another full-on solo sex session since the other morning when I couldn’t finish because it was too powerful. Maybe I need time to integrate (in-to-great?) the new energy and awareness.
Tonight, I talked about my current feelings in regard to my awakened female prostate. Basically, she’s been letting me know she’s on simmer and not actually dormant, which was how I first perceived the “lull” when it would happen every 3 to 4 days. She knows I can’t play on weekends, so she’s waiting, but says “HI!” every time I go to the bathroom.
Tomorrow, I may need some grounding of energy. I’m home alone and the neighbors are at work. I’ve really started loving Mondays.
So instead of being weird, maybe I’m just “wired”???
Aroused and wired,
*** Read Part 1 ***
Finally, when I was able to get up, my whole body felt lighter, like I was still floating, but I had trouble walking and keeping my balance for the rest of the day and night. I was totally off kelter — but it wasn’t entirely unpleasant. I just made sure to walk along walls so I could hold onto something to keep me steady.
Also, a little while after the Big O, around 3:30 p.m., I went to the bathroom, and for the first time ever, I think I orgasmed while urinating. Now, I’m not into kinky things, so this has never been a fantasy of mine. But now that I think it’s happened, I can certainly say I look forward to it again.
My female prostate was primed from the huge orgasm less than an hour before, so in needing to go to the bathroom, I was having that pleasurable “need to go” feeling I’d started experiencing a few weeks ago. The “orgasm” started as soon as I started urinating, my FP felt like it was expanding and expanding in a pain/pleasure way (but no real pain). Just then, the waves shot up my spine over and over again (feeling kinda Kundalini-like), and my scalp tingled like a thousand tiny fingers were vibrating on my head.
These feelings (the orgasm?) lasted the entire time I urinated. Afterward I just sat there because it was like the tingles went straight through me, and back again, and started over. It seemed like the usual after-shocks of an orgasm… and I just couldn’t move for a few minutes.
I’m almost afraid of the next door this sexual energy work will open — but that isn’t in a bad way (I don’t think). Jack said this is “Terror at the Gates,” which is a Fu Dog (a.k.a. Foo Dog or Fu Lions), guarding the Temple of Exquisite Delight. In doing research on my own, the Fu Dogs / Lions are protecting me, not preventing me from experiencing the next level of cosmic orgasm.
I’m excited to see, feel, and experience what awakening comes next, but I just don’t know if I’m ready yet. I want to get a handle on this that I’m experiencing before I cross another threshold. I still can’t go “straight through” without stopping because it’s so powerful. Then there are those days like Sunday where I’m slightly disappointed because my body seemed so in tune with arousal, but then it “slipped a gear” and went straight to the after-orgasm contractions / spasms.
Jack said that when I get near the Gate and the Fu Dogs, I can “just wink at them as old friends pointing the way into the Temple of Exquisite Delights!” So I’m in training for facing the Gate, and I’ll bring the Fu Dogs some doggie biscuits…
Aroused and tingling,
I have a little more to report but it is similar to my previous journal entry on my expanding awareness and experiences with awakening my female prostate and the wonders it is slowly revealing to me. But I don’t want to seem redundant — it’s not exactly the same ol’ song, but perhaps a variation on a theme.
With the Turkey holiday, I was not at home by myself during the days last week, so my KSMO practice dropped to nill. By Sunday, the schedule was almost normal (because school would be back in session for my daughter Monday). So Sunday night, I decided to enjoy some solo sex as it was my day off from KSMO, and I was off my moon (Auntie Flo had left the building!). My female prostate was buzzing back to life, and I was just plain horny.
I don’t know what happened, but I enjoyed the upswing to orgasm and the after orgasm, but somehow missed the explosion of the orgasm itself. It reminded me of my old She-Spot orgasms (She-Spot stimulation only) where the build up can blend into the after-orgasm without that “cresting of the wave” or as I term it, the “explosion” of the orgasm.
But this on Sunday, almost felt like a let-down. Although it was deliciously pleasurable, without that “cresting” at the top of the wave/orgasm, all I got was the denouement. But I kept stimulating, wanting to come “again” — and this time feel it. But I stayed in the after-O state for a good 20 minutes before I just gave up. Now, please know, this all felt really good. In the after-orgasm phase, I’m still highly aroused, making sounds, rapid breathing, legs shaking constantly, everything pulsating and contracting. I just really love that explosive part of orgasm.
Then Monday, I really felt my female prostate all day. When I went to the bathroom, my FP (female prostate) was pleasurably noticeable. Around 2:00 p.m., I figured I’d skip the 20-minute KSMO practice and just take care of my FP which seemed to really want some attention. So I did.
As in the previous post, stimulating my prostate (just the finger pumping of the FP, no clit stim) for 10 seconds at a time was more than I could handle. I had to stop 3 times. Again, I thought I’d just use my penis-shaped vibe (minus the vibration) to achieve orgasm, assuming it would be less intense than the FP/finger pumping. AGAIN, I was wrong. I couldn’t handle that either.
I would start the finger pumping — instantly , my hips shot up off the bed, I was whining/moaning, and I didn’t last more than 10 seconds — literally. I stopped, my hips dropped to the bed, and I was panting, out of breath as if I’d just run up 10 flights of stairs. I’ve never felt anything like this. Ever.
So I gathered my courage and attempted it again — with the same results: hips reaching to the ceiling, me whining/moaning, unable to stand the intense pleasure erupting from my prostate. I stopped, dropped to the bed, and panted.
Determined to conquer whatever this was, I went for it a third time with the same results — again — after only 10 seconds — again.
I brought my fingers out of my vagina. Panting. I was not sure what to do next, but I suddenly started crying. I was feeling all the great pre- and post-O arousal I normally feel but at the same time.
Finally, I decided to just go for it. I didn’t care about the neighbors or if anyone could hear me. I made sounds I’ve truly never made before, felt things I’ve never felt before, and I wanted it to go on forever. I wouldn’t have minded if I didn’t have the explosion part of orgasm because, frankly, I didn’t know if I’d survive it. But if I’m gonna go, I figured this would be a great way to die. :-)
When the explosion happened, I almost sprang off the bed. I burst into a million stars and floated up. I was there with the Universe. I was the Universe. It was absolutely indescribable, the feelings of being connected to everything at once, infinite joy, love, peace — just as I’d felt in my dream / astral experiences.
My physical body burst into gut-wrenching tears, and I cried uncontrollably, heaving sobs my body is not used to emitting. My body was doubled over, then jerking back into tension-filled arches, then doubling over again, over and over, convulsing from the emotion of what I had just experienced — all while I was still orgasming from the emotions springing from my core, my awakened prostate, and experiencing this uterine orgasm for the first time.
I don’t know how long the orgasm lasted — yes, I kept going with the vibrationless-vibe because for me, stopping the stimulation at or just after orgasm feels like having my soul plucked out from under me. So I kept going through the post-orgasms — the quaking after-shocks of hundreds of smaller orgasms and contractions of the clit, She-Spot, cervix, uterus, anus, legs shaking, hands and feet buzzing with energy. Except these weren’t smaller like they usually are — they were intense. I finally stopped because it was so powerful I actually thought I might really die from the pleasure — a full-body heart chakra attack… and I was blubbering like an idiot.
This experience seemed to last forever, but looking at the clock it was only 2:45. How could I have experienced “forever” in less than 40 minutes? And to be honest, I really needed a big hug. Sometimes being alone truly is lonely.
*** Read Part 2 of this journal entry. ***
Aroused and awakening,
(*In response to a friend who is on a journey with a new toy, her pelvic hum, bioenergetics, dreamwork, singing, and lots of inner work.*)
Awesome! Will definitely get that toy then… One of the things I’m fascinated by, vaginally speaking, is how it doesn’t feel cylindrical in there. It feels more rectangular (and wider than you’d think it would be), and those nooks and crannies are so cool to explore! And when the walls are swollen with arousal and seem to squish my fingers, it is a completely different feeling than when the vagina is in “Yes!” (as Tantra guru Diana Richardson says) when the walls seem to be elevated and the opening is wide, ready, and waiting for entry.
Another reason the shower check each night is pretty cool — circling the cervix with my finger as it dips lower than usual, I sometimes wonder, “How the heck did a kid come out of here?!” That toy will be a welcome addition to Expedition Vagina. More field work, indeed!!
Re: the buzz in the pelvic/ She-spot area — This is another reason I LOVE belly dancing. The hip isolations really get you in tune with the lower region. And in Pilates or Yoga, doing Goddess Pose (sometimes called “Horse Stance” — ugh! ), with the feet wide apart, then you bend the knees to lower yourself down (in ballet, it’s a grande plie`). This alone can get you in touch with the pelvic floor and the orgasmic power in the lower core area. But try some pelvic tilts — they can be yummy!
LISTEN TO YOUR GUIDES!!! I can also tell that KSMO’s full potential of awakening is there, too. I’m “Gretel” to its breadcrumbs, so I’m trying really hard not to chase but allow. But I’m kinda setting a deadline of Yule to see more results — not as a pass or fail grade, but just to see what can happen .
I’m reminded of a great line from YENTL (one of my fave movies), when Mandy Patinkin’s character lists off all the things “Yentl” (Barbra Streisand’s character) has in her life, and he asks, “What more could you want?” And she simply says, “More.” That’s my problem. I want more. And lots of it. Yesterday.
I’m a competitive person, so when I don’t accomplish something, my arts training kicks in, and I start going over where I could have done better, rehearsed longer, rehearsed better, been more focused, etc. Letting go of the A-part of my AB personality is tough. I’m also an ENTJ, the “Commander/Field Marshal” personality — y’all may have noticed.
I’ve made it where I am in my career as a full-time artist because I didn’t let failure or rejection defeat me, and I have followed the adage, “I’ll find a way or MAKE a way.” Overcoming, or at least setting that part of me aside, has been the most difficult part. Also because I haven’t been with a partner in a looong while, and a little over a year ago, I set out as a single mom, and responsibilities took precedence over pleasure.
I need to be in the right head space to practice, albeit not perfectly. I try to think of Buddha’s logic, that we are perfect in our imperfection — which means I’m frickin’ fabulous! HA!
My dreams are coming back — yay! And I hope to have another volcano dream soon. I had one a few months ago, and it was my second volcano dream ever — but it was so synchronistic with what’s happening in mind, body, and spirit. Soon, I can put my “order” in to the Universe for my Mr. Right-For-Me Dream Man to appear… probably in the next couple of years, which is a nice thought to think about.
Aroused and dreaming,
(* In response to a comment by a woman who was “fascinated by your cervix positioning depending on your cycle, & your awareness of it.” She also asked if I’m aware when my ovaries release an egg. *)
Years and years ago, I got in the habit of doing a general vaginal check every night in the shower… after all, I can’t tell a guy what’s going on in there and what’s what if I don’t know, right? So in the shower every night, I wash off and shave my outer labia and mons veneris. I insert a clean finger (usually middle) and circle the inside a few times. I can feel whether the cervix is high or low or Goldilocks. I can check the texture of the vaginal walls, prostate, perineal sponge, etc., for any changes in texture. And I check the color, opacity, and odor (none, thanks!) of my fluids / discharge. This is of course, before washing further south and behind — whether in the shower or in bed, the best practice is front to back.
Over time, I noticed the difference in my cervix at different times of the month. An interesting thing I saw in a nerd TV show (some Discovery show), was an MRI or CT scan of a woman during orgasm (so it was a 2-D side-view). The video showed that the cervix dips down to “scoop up” would-be semen to help it get to the uterus. So with knowing what my cervix feels like inside, I’ve been able to associate feelings during stimulation and orgasm during the month. Nipple stimulation can give me a cervical orgasm in about 30 seconds, but in the days leading up to my period with the lowered cervix, it’s more like 5 seconds and the cervical O’s are even stronger.
I’m trying to allow the cervical orgasm first, as a warm-up before direct genital stimulation, to integrate all the different sensations of the different kinds of orgasms — particularly the new power button of the female prostate. But sometimes it just feels like there aren’t enough hands in the room! (Because it’s just me!) I miss the theatre orgies of my youth, darn it. Plenty of hands around when you need ‘em.
Just to sound crazy, yes, there have been several times when I felt a “pinch” in the area of one of my ovaries, but I cannot testify that it was indeed me dropping eggs like a hen. However, by doing the nightly vaginal “howdy-do” in the shower, I have noticed several times that in the midst of clear discharge a small lump of translucent, spherical/elliptical …
something?… about a millimeter or two in diameter that made me say, “OMG, that’s an egg?!” … But again, no empirical proof.
Of course, these are just my experiences and observations. These statements have not been approved by the FDA, and your mileage may vary.
Aroused and journaling,
So here’s what’s up with my She-spot lately. Back at the beginning of my journal, I had mentioned my female prostate (FP) was about driving me nutz with the sensations that were unexpected, different, yet powerful and sublime all at the same time. After the initial few days of having that awful/wonderful feeling of needing to urinate constantly, and having sensations during solo sex like I’ve never had before, the feelings died down for a couple days. I actually missed them. I had started to get to know them — we were practically going steady and had made it to second base! :) I was able to differentiate between the actual need to go to the bathroom feeling, and the “WOWZERS, this will be an amazing orgasm!!!” feeling.
After pondering the possibility of drowning my sorrows in a big bottle of chocolate syrup, I noticed the feelings coming back. On a side note: each attempt at KSMO practice inevitably became full-on masturbation and amazing orgasms. I didn’t get to listen to my new Kundalini CD because I just didn’t have the patience for it. But I have been continuing the sensual massage… a lot.
Anyhoo, so now that I was more familiar with the sensations, I experimented a bit… great stuff! In researching more about the FP, I came across a bit of info I had forgotten that has to do with stimulating the female prostate. I think we all know that in-and-out sex is “friction sex,” and that to reach the She-Spot, you have to curve your fingers up to the anterior wall of the vagina (between the 11 and 12 o’clock position for many women — and me), and stimulate the She-Spot directly (for a vaginal orgasm).
Well, this little, unassuming technique involves inserting a couple fingers (middle and ring fingers for me) and quickly pumping the fingers up and down on the FP (like when you get your blood pressure taken and the nurse pumps the bladder to tighten the cuff). OH MY GODDESS!!!!!!!!!!!! That was the single most powerful finger maneuver I have EVER experienced in my life!!!!
Now, I know my She-Spot very well. We’ve been friends a looooong time. She’s been good to me, and I’ve tried to give her what she needs as well. But I have never felt the intensity of arousal vaginally the way I have in the past week with the awakening of my prostate. Doing the rapid finger pumping on my FP brought primal sounds and shallow, rapid breathing out of me like I’ve never done before (and certainly would never choose to do as a trained singer). I can only take it for about 10 seconds until it’s just too much — and I have NEVER been a “it’s too much person.”
One time, I did the finger pumping on my She-Spot/FP, three times in a row, with a 30-second break for catching my breath in between. I finally got out the penis vibe (sans vibration) because I couldn’t take the intensity of the feelings I was having, thinking the vibe won’t stoke those fires too much because it will be in-and-out (though it does have a slight curve to it).
OMG, was I wrong! This was the best ever orgasm I’ve ever had — hands down… hands on… hands in — FABULOUS!!! I knew there was more that was possible beyond that, but I simply didn’t know if I’d make it through. It was so powerful, I cried uncontrollably. Good orgasms will make me cry, but not like this. The arousal and the orgasm was in the core of me, not genital. This is the closest I’ve ever gotten in the “real world” to the feelings I’ve experienced in my astral dreams — which was at the top of my wish list for starting KSMO in the first place.
I also noticed a difference in the juices. Doing the finger(s) pumping motion and stimulating the prostate brought juices that were creamy in color rather than clear like regular vaginal secretions. The creamy juices (I won’t use the crude term that’s used in porn) happened every time with the FP stim, so I know it is particular to the FP (for my own edification, or course). The down side — my sheets are a vibrant rusty-red (yes, fire-colored), and the creamy juices show up later whereas the clear juices don’t — which means I’ll be doing laundry more often, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to
make for orgasms like that!
Unfortunately, I’m on the down-swing again… even the finger pumping, though still intense, does not have the same intensity it did just a couple days ago… this could be because my time is not my own (school’s out for Thanksgiving holiday, and I’m not alone during the days this week). It’s “that” time of the month. If this continues, then this pendulum of highs and lows is changing what I think I know about myself, my body, what I like, what I can (and cannot) handle, which is all good for learning and growing.
I was getting annoyed with myself for not having multiple orgasms during the 20-minute KSMO practice. (I thought MO’s were supposed to be part of the practice. Not necessarily so!) I was getting annoyed at my clit and even my beloved She-Spot for not taking me over the moon already — “C’mon, it’s been 2 weeks of KSMO, we can do better than this!”
But in talking with a few KSMO peeps, I came to some realizations. The KSMO protocol is a trigger. It’s the rock that hits the lake, it isn’t the ripples of water themselves. The ripples — the waves — are what we awaken and interpret as orgasms that are unlike what we’ve experienced before… Now, that I have that straight in my head, I think I can allow my self to do what it needs to do — I don’t need to drive the orgasm train, I can be a passenger, and that is okay. :)
So, here’s to awakening the fire within! (And understanding that being the Grasshopper isn’t such a bad thing, especially when the orgasms are this fabulous.)
Using my fingers for my nightly shower check, I noticed my cervix was low. I think I’m going to start tracking the sexual highs and lows of my horny barometer. I’ve recently lost 30+ pounds (yay, me!), and now I’m trying the Orgasm Diet. I think tracking my sex drive with the rest of my body changes might be interesting for reference later…
Aroused and journaling,
(* In response to a young man who said my openness in discussing female orgasms gets his “heart pumping with jealousy, envy,” then complained that his female partner doesn’t explore her own body, saying “I know she can’t really understand what I was trying to tell her.” *)
Men’s jealousy toward female orgasms is absolutely ridiculous.
Women’s biological ability to have orgasms is small compensation for everything we’ve endured for the past 2,000 years of male domination, patriarchal government, and misogynist, institutionalized religions that have painted women and our bodies as sinful, our opinions as unimportant, and our anger as “hormonal.”
Since the rise of the testosterone-driven, expansion-through-genocide, dominance-through-cultural-extermination, imperial society, the matriarchal, matrilineal cultures have almost completely died out. Women lost control of our bodies, our sexual freedom, our sacred sexual and spiritual traditions, and our inherent right to the self-determination of our futures.
Women have been subjugated as the property of our fathers and then our husbands to prevent us from achieving equality in society. Our inheritances have been passed over to our husbands so we didn’t attain economic equality. Organized religions banned us from equal standing and full participation simply because we have a vagina. Women have been beaten, raped, tortured, maimed, butchered, and burned at the stake for standing up for our rights and demanding to have our voice heard. While all of this is called “ancient history,” look around the world to see the violations against women still being perpetrated as well as the current anti-women agendas of the Republicans in the U.S. Congress.
Orgasms are just the beginning of reparation for 2,000 years of male bullshit.
But there is no reason for men to be jealous of us because men have just as much ability to experience multiple orgasms. Learn to control the impulse for male ejaculation by moving the energy up out of the genitals and through the body, up to the skull and out the hands and feet. The method that seems to work best for men to achieve ejaculation control and experience multiple energy orgasms involves relaxation and low-belly breathing as taught in yoga, Taoism, Tantra, Kundalini, KSMO, and other energy-based practices. (Both men and women can achieve coregasms through working the lower abdominal muscles.) The PC muscle “squeeze techniques” pale in comparison, according to the men I’ve talked to. But I’m not a man, so I cannot attest to any one method being better than any other, or which ones work best in combination.
As for a female partner who doesn’t want to touch herself, I’d be willing to bet she was sexually abused at some point, especially between the pre-pubescent or teenage years, and/or was raised in a strict, religious household. Either way, you can’t “make” her come to terms with her sexuality or accept her body. That has to be a path she wants to pursue.
The female body is sexualized in all aspects of media and entertainment and vilified in religion. She has to want to change her perspective. You pushing the issue may be seen as yet another male making her do something she is not ready to do. Let her know you’re there to support her, and leave it at that. Don’t push her or keep reminding her that her problems are interfering with your sexual fulfillment. See if she is open to getting professional help.
And I doubt she lacks the mental capacity and “can’t really understand” how this affects you, but her comment sounds like a good sign she’s in the early stages of wanting a new sexual journey, free from whatever is currently holding her back.
Aroused and journaling,
by Trish Causey
Originally Published February 17, 2012
In yet another egregious action by the neo-cons of the United States’ central government, House Republicans created a panel to discuss birth control insurance coverage, and yet, no women were invited to participate.
“Join Leader Pelosi in our call to Speaker Boehner, Eric Cantor, Chairman Issa and all House Republicans to demand that women be brought to the table when discussing women’s health issues. Help us gather 50,000 signatures before Congress heads home tomorrow.”
NARAL Pro-Choice America also had something to say in response to the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform denying a female law student from testifying on the importance of access to birth control. This is insult to injury considering the hearing panel consists of 10 people, 8 of whom are men.
NARAL’s president Nancy Keenan issued this statement:
“Just when you think the U.S. House of Representatives could not be more ridiculous, here comes a hearing on contraception to which women are not allowed to talk about the importance of birth control. When it comes to women’s health and privacy, the committee would rather listen to eight men than one woman who supports contraception.”
Democrats and women of America, get off your ass and get moving. The attack on Planned Parenthood was just the beginning. The Republicans are already working toward winning as much governmental power as they can in 2012. If they win, the women and the poor of America will pay the price.
*** On Twitter, use the hashtag term #waronwomen or #wherearethewomen to join the debate! ***
Aroused and fighting,
by Trish Causey
originally published February 14, 2012
As people around the world celebrate love on Valentine’s Day, I feel it is important to bring attention to a day that has probably never made the American evening news and will certainly never pop up on trendy blogs. A few days ago, the World Health Organization (WHO) brought attention to the 8th annual International Day of Zero Tolerance to Female Genital Mutilation.
Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) is a barbaric custom actively practiced in 28 countries in Africa and the Middle East and which occurs “under the radar” in other countries with high numbers of immigrants from these areas, including the United States. FGM encompasses the removal of the clitoris and usually some of the labia via a razor blade, knife, or broken piece of glass. FGM is performed on girls ranging in age from infancy to 12 years old with no anesthetic and no proper wound dressing.
FGM proponents in these developing countries claim the purpose of FGM is to prohibit a female from enjoying sex as an adult, thereby reducing the chance that she would take lovers outside of marriage. The custom is so entrenched in these cultures that it is the mothers and grandmothers who force the girls to be mutilated — they tell the girls they will be considered “ugly,” “unclean,” or undesirable to a potential husband if the girl is not cut.
An important site working to end this practice is the Female Genital Cutting Education and Networking Project. On their site, they explain three kinds of Female Genital Cutting (FGC) that are routinely performed in Africa and the Middle East.
“The first and mildest type of FGC is called ‘sunna circumcision’ or Type I. The term ‘Sunna’ refers to tradition as taught by the prophet Muhammad. This involves the ‘removal of the prepuce with or without the excision of part or all of the clitoris.’
“The second type of FGC, Type II, involves the partial or entire removal of the clitoris, as well as the scraping off of the labia majora and labia minora…. Clitoridectomy was invented by Sudanese midwives as a compromise when British legislation forbade the most extreme operations in 1946.
“The third and most drastic type of FGC is Type III. This most extreme form, consists of the removal of the clitoris, the adjacent labia (majora and minora), and the joining of the scraped sides of the vulva across the vagina, where they are secured with thorns or sewn with catgut or thread. A small opening is kept to allow passage of urine and menstrual blood. An infibulated woman must be cut open to allow intercourse on the wedding night and is closed again afterwards to secure fidelity to the husband.”
Rights groups are working tirelessly to bring awareness to the issue of FGM, and some countries have adopted new laws that prohibit FGM. However, the fight is an uphill battle for two reasons. First, the practice of FGM is socially and culturally tied to tribal initiation traditions. Secondly, the women in the tribes are brainwashed by the ingrained misogyny of the culture.
Imagine if your mother said the only way you would be considered beautiful is if you have your external sex organs slashed away in a hatchet job? That is the mentality that is perpetrated on these girls, who grow up to repeat the cycle with their daughters and granddaughters.
The effects of the mutilation not only effects the girl who is subjected to the assault, but also to other girls. FGM is not usually performed in sanitary conditions, and the mutilator usually does not wash the cutting implement after each cutting. The transmission of disease can occur not only at the time of the mutilation, but later as the wound becomes infected due to lack of medical treatment.
Death is also a consequence of FGM due to the girl going into shock or developing internal hemorrhages, bleeding out, as well as becoming septic. Aside from the wound itself becoming infected, the urinary tract, bladder, and the entire pelvic region is susceptible to infection.
In an interagency statement between OHCHR, UNAIDS, UNDP, UNECA, UNESCO, UNFPA, UNHCR, UNICEF, UNIFEM, and the World Health Organization, these organizations officially call for the end of FGM:
“This Statement is a call to all States, international and national organizations, civil society and communities to uphold the rights of girls and women. It also calls on those bodies and communities to develop, strengthen, and support specific and concrete actions directed towards ending female genital mutilation.”
The full document is available on the WHO’s website in several languages, including Arabic, English, Freech, and Portuguese.
For the record, I find any form of circumcision to be barbaric, whether it is the Jewish tradition of circumcising newborn males that has been adopted in so-called Christian countries, including the United States, or Female Genital Mutilation that occurs in patriarchal, developing countries, and now in so-called democratic, “free” countries. The misconceptions of being uncircumcised are as unsubstantiated by science and rational thought as the notion of FGM making a girl “beautiful” is simply ridiculous.
Support women and the beauty of women’s sexuality by doing your own research about this horrendous practice and bringing an end to Female Genital Mutilation around the world.
Aroused and fighting,
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(* In response to a man who said young women should “exercise their PC muscles even if they are still relatively young there are so many benefits,” to which I disagreed and was asked by another man to provide “some instructive reasons” to support my feelings. *)
I’m a hu(wo)manist, and activist, and a temperamental Irish redhead, so any statement that includes “most women should” just naturally gets my hackles up. Nothing personal.
I think younger women are usually more physically fit and tend to be more sexually active than women who have the pressures and time constraints of work and kids, with added weight post-partum (leading to body image issues, lack of sex drive due to hormonal changes, and just being tired all the damn time). Therefore, younger women would not need to exercise their PC muscles because the muscle tissue is already firm and toned, through athletics, going out dancing, being more open to sexual adventures, et al.
It is the women in their 30′s and 40′s who have had physiological changes to their vaginal area, the widening and contracting of the hip joints and ligaments, and changes to the pelvic floor from carrying a child in utero and then giving birth that changes and possibly stretches the PC muscles to feeling weak. As we get older, the body parts shift, and sitting at a desk all day, in front of the TV at night, with such bad posture, certainly doesn’t help. This lack of general exercise women get once they are on the career path and have had kids tends to be quite sedentary compared to the long-ago traditions of walking for purposes of migration, foraging, and finding water.
Also, most PC muscle exercises (a.k.a. Kegel exercises) focus on squeezing UP. This is because the Kegels were designed to help women who were experiencing urinary incontinence — to encourage the sphincter qualities of the muscles and control “urine” leakage, especially during sex. (Those of us who subscribe to the veracity of Female Ejaculation as a legitimate sexual phenomenon wonder just how many of these women were actually ejaculators but forced into shame by an ignorant male medical system.)
For female ejaculation, the emphasis is pushing OUT, therefore Kegels are NOT the answer to better orgasms, but rather the death of the female orgasm. Squeezing UP cuts off sensation and compresses the tissues restricting blood flow and nerve endings. (NOTE: This purposeful “squeezing UP” is NOT to be confused with the natural reaction of the PC muscles to squeeze IN / vice-grip on their own, called the “clitoral cuff,” toward the entrance of the vagina as the vagina expands at the top during arousal and near orgasm.)
Women have lost our wymyn circles. In wymyn circles, we used to share these kinds of stories and experiences amongst each other. For instance, belly dancing, now a highly sexualized form of stripper / hooker / tease, is actually based in teaching teenage girls how to move their bodies during childbirth (and such movements’ obvious use in sexual / sensual settings with a partner). Hence the reason it’s CALLED Belly Dancing — you have to HAVE a belly to do it properly!
It annoys me to no end to hear women say they “can’t do belly dancing” because they don’t have a 6-pack. I quickly and, in no uncertain terms, explain that no woman with a 6-pack is geared for belly dancing because she doesn’t HAVE a belly. It is the breast-obsessed American perspective that has shifted the emphasis of belly dancing to breast-shaking. Belly dancing is an ART. And that “belly” isn’t just curvy flesh — there is extremely toned muscle underneath that has been trained to operate and shimmy in minute precision.
The “belly” comes from body fat as well as carrying a child. (NOTE to all: Women are SUPPOSED to have body fat!) The hip rolls, arches, hip drops, and other hip isolations are to stretch through the hip joints in preparation for the spreading of the hip joints beginning in the third trimester, as well as exercising the lower abs no one ever talks about. The rib isolations are NOT just to have the breasts go up and down for men’s ogling pleasure — they are to learn how to move your upper torso so you can still breathe when the kid inside is pushing your thoracic diaphragm up into your lung space. Abdominal and back rolls also help the body get used to involuntary movements during childbirth contractions.
If more women had a connection to our traditional women’s circles and sacred women knowledge, we wouldn’t need sex toys OR books. We would have elders to teach us and show us, passing the knowledge from one generation to the other. But until we officially shake off the mortal coil of western patriarchy and institutionalized religion that has made the female body sinful and sex evil, we have to get the knowledge somewhere and learn how to access these innate feelings somehow. So I am grateful for toys, books, CD’s, men who try so hard to understand us, and the women who are on the path of experimenting and experiencing what we are truly capable of sexually.
Aroused and journaling,
(* In response to another question about fluids during sex.* )
You might watch your water intake so the bladder isn’t really filling up so quickly. But remember the female prostate is linked to the urethra — the prostate drains into the urethra as well as secretes fluids into the vagina. So it may actually be the lubricant/ejaculate plasma not urine, even though you have that urge to urinate and do release fluid after your orgasms. And even if it is urine, so WHAT?! Enjoy! :)
But the thoughts I had this morning, is that do men have such trouble with a full bladder and an erection? One former partner wouldn’t do morning sex without first a trip to the bathroom, which I totally understood — except he would spend more time in the bathroom trying to “talk down” his morning erection just to urinate, and then focus to get the erection again. I think the fear men have is urinating instead of or just after ejaculating. While I understand the “ewwww!” factor, the vagina is decidedly acidic with a pH of 3.8 to 4.5, and urine is sterile anyway, so it’s not like it would actually harm anything if urine came out… another reason for keeping towels handy.
In ancient cultures, all these fluids were viewed as sacred. So whatever the body does during arousal and orgasm is cool with me… as long as I don’t look fat doing it. :-)
P.S. I’m looking up the Arvigo abdominal massage… sounds awesome and oh, so, timely for our world of couch potatoes and sitting-at-the-computer addicts (like me!).
Tonight: KSMO 20-minute practice session… may try not touching the clit… or do She-spot massage :) … AND tomorrow, I’m going to my first active participation with my new Kelly Howell Kundalini CD. I’ll post my results, to see if I feel that serpent energy slithering up my spine. :) … would be delish if my prostate can hold that arousal it’s been dishing up lately and have some chi raising up into my chest/breast area… hmmmmm…
Aroused and journaling,
(*In response to a question about the need to urinate during sex,more info requested on female ejaculation, and to explain what I meant by “She-spot.” *)
On the subject of urination and female ejaculation — Female ejaculate is not urine (but urine is sterile anyway); it’s the same plasma fluid like from the guys prostate — minus the little swimmers, of course.
And, yes, I call that super sensitive area on the anterior wall of my vagina my She-spot, or the female prostate. The “G” of “G-spot” stands for “Grafenberg,” a male doctor. I refuse to name that very sacred part of me after a man — no offense to any males who read this. I mean, would you want the scientific community to call your penis “Mildred?” My She-Spot and I rest our case.
Having intimate knowledge of my vagina, I have gone back to hands-only solo sex because I really want to enjoy the changes that happen inside — especially the vice-grip action that occurs by the clitoral cuff near orgasm. THAT’S AWESOME! :D
I had been using a vibe just to have an orgasm and enjoy the after effects of being relaxed and to get sleepy at nighttime. This last year of my life has been a monsoon of stress, and I felt like I had died inside — from years of a miserable marriage when I didn’t want to be sexual in any way, shape, or form. Since reclaiming my life, I am reclaiming my sexuality.
Hands in and on my girly bits have rekindled the fires inside. I truly love the way the prostate’s spongy tissues change inside. The She-Spot might not even be noticeable when you first stimulate the anterior wall, but it grows to a little pebble (always makes me think of the story, “The Princess and the Pea”). She can get bigger, to the size of a walnut in some women (just as that part of the male prostate grows when stimulated), and the spongy area gets more ridgy. Some women have described the feeling like corrugated cardboard, but I prefer to think of it like corduroy, or a small moist yet hard maze — a labyrinth of pleasure just wanting and waiting to be stimulated.
You can feel how aroused a woman is by noting these changes, especially if she is too timid to talk, or if she’s at the point where speaking is kinda not possible from all the great feelings swirling inside. And I do believe that that urination feeling is what keeps a lot women from opening up to orgasms. All the plumbing is connected, so feelings will crossover — like the accidental good feelings in the anal area which really freak some women out.
Just remind her that her body is hers, and you only want to help her discover all the great potential her body has for orgasms — for HER. Let her know you understand the human body makes weird sounds and releases all sorts of fluids, and it’s natural, and that you don’t care… (I’m assuming you don’t. :) )…
And BTW… I’m trying really hard NOT to do anything today. I’m sticking to sensual touching, which I’m finding very, very pleasant, especially the breasts’ area and the outer labia… just wish it weren’t my day off from sex… GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (haha)
P.S. On the subject of female ejaculation…
It seems that, for females, any noticeable fluid release during and/or after orgasm can be classified as ejaculate. In which case, I definitely qualify. This is probably what leads some women to think they get “too wet” during/after sex. And I myself have been told that I get “too wet,” and the guy feels it’s too slick in there, i.e., not enough friction — to which, I say, “Oh, well, too bad.” So it’s not just the gushing geyser of female power fluids that counts as having female ejaculated! But I’m still looking forward to the day when I can change my middle name to “Ol’ Faithful.”
Aroused and journaling,
So the topic I’d like to start with is the sensations I’ve started having in the past couple of days.
I’ve had strong feelings/sensations in the spongy female prostate area. This is made more noticeable since it’s near the bladder and wraps around the urethra. I always empty my bladder before sex so that when that area (home to the She-spot!!! :) ) is aroused, I know for sure that I don’t need to go to the bathroom. Stimulating this area makes me have that feeling of needing to urinate, but when I know I don’t need to, I can feel through the feeling and enjoy where it goes rather than clamp down/suppress the feeling.
In the past couple of days, I have felt this area be swollen even though I haven’t done any clit/vaginal stimulation since Sunday morning. When I have gone to the bathroom since then, it’s been exceedingly pleasurable (overall waves of arousal, spine-tingling from the prostate area up to my scalp, goosebumps on my arms, etc.), which is not something I normally experience when urinating…. (and no, I don’t have a UTI (urinary tract infection). There is no discomfort, pain, odor, or color to my urine or my vaginal fluids.
Truth be told, when I was doing some solo sex this morning, the feeling to urinate was so strong, I thought I might ejaculate, something I’ve always wanted to do. But I hadn’t laid out any towels, so I kinda hoped I wouldn’t. I didn’t, but the orgasms this morning were some of the best ever.
By the way, I started with the 20-minute KSMO, then 30 minutes of solo sex, hands only first time around so I could feel the changes in the She-spot/prostate area, but wanted more O’s, so I got out the vibrator (but didn’t turn it on). I felt the pleasurable feelings during urination again later, but not since.
Anyhoo, I didn’t know if anyone else has experienced this, or if guys experience this with their prostate gland, etc.
Aroused and sensing,
I hate working my abs, which is why I never do. I do consciously engage them when I’m doing everyday things, when I lift something, or ride my bike. And I’ve become more purposely conscious of how my torso moves during sexual arousal and through orgasms (as much as I’m able to think). Sometimes I focus more on my abs, other times, I’m concentrating on my glutes during sex. Hey, it’s all exercise, right? :-)
Coregasm is the pleasurable phenomenon of experiencing an orgasm while doing abdominal workouts, particularly exercises that engage the lower abs. Coregasm has been a hush-hush delight in the “gym rat” world, but word is getting out, and women around the country are now racing each other to get the Roman Chair machine before someone else does.
This ab/orgasm seems to hit after having done a few sets of lower ab work, when you’re near muscle failure. Some women have full-on orgasms while others experience intense arousal, still others report zaps of excitement. Even better, men report experiencing this kind of orgasm as well!
The lower abs are the abdominal muscles below the belly button. They are hard to isolate without falling into the trap of engaging the legs, hip flexors, glutes, or arching the lower back. However, several exercises that target these orgasmic tummy muscles are easy to do at home.
Aroused and crunching,
The Don Wands Pink Bent Graduate in Glass is a handy-dandy unassuming piece of glass, and actually, quite a thrill. Its design is geared toward stimulation of the She Spot/prostate, and it reportedly, induces female ejaculation, so of course, I bought it.
Having given up the vibration addiction a while back (which is something I wholeheartedly recommend to everyone!), I’ve been on a journey to re-learn my body’s inner recesses, both the feeling of the tissues themselves as well as the sensations that stimulating my various spots and zones make me feel in turn.
In my quest to revive my prostate that soared to life in November then fizzled over the holidays, I have searched for a new toy that is prostate/G-spot specific rather than another man-in-silicone toy. This glass type of dildo is supposedly the key to the female ejaculation holy grail. Time will only tell if this in fact is true (for me).
The first time I used it, I really didn’t give it a chance, but the second time, I absolutely realized this dude’s potential as I described in this post.
Because it’s made of glass, this dildo is great from a hygiene perspective. It is only 8.5″ in total length, but not all of that goes inside all at once, and it’s only 1.25″ in diameter.
Another great feature of this dildo is actually its double feature — it is double-ended. For vaginal play, the single bulbous end makes a great handle while the multi-sphered end hits all the spots of the prostate.
For women and men interested in exploring anal play for the first time, the smaller bulbous end would be a great intro to exploring your previously exit-only orifice. For the more advanced anal aficionado, the larger end — with its differently shaped spheres — might make for an exceptional plug. (Note: Any anal play requires lots of lube, patience, and safe-sex practices like condoms — or even finger cots for this toy. Never use a toy in the vagina that has been in the anus without a thorough cleaning!)
I’m loving this Don Wands Pink Bent Graduate in Glass, and I can’t wait to use it again. If you’re a woman on the quest to find your She Spot/prostate or searching for the female ejaculation jackpot, I heartily recommend getting this glass dildo!
Aroused and pulsating,
A result of specific stimulation of the female prostate, female ejaculation is a sexual phenomenon that was praised in ancient texts of yore, yet remains a source of fascination and controversy in the 21st century. Real life couple Somraj Pokras and Jeffre Talltrees, Ph.D., have written their definitive guide on how to coax the juiciest orgasms from your female partner.
Like most people, I read the reviews of products left by other customers, and in looking over the no-nonsense titled tome, Female Ejaculation: Unleash the Ultimate G-Spot Orgasm, a number of customers felt they’d been left high and dry.
Some readers complained the authors repeat themselves, talk too much about setting the scene rather than getting right to it, were “too emotional,” and basically, wax poetic about the whole deeper relationship aspect rather than just giving a few fingering techniques for the ultimate hand job. I agree with all of this. And these are the very reasons that I love this book!
I also noticed that the reviewers leaving the negative, snarky, impatient comments were male. Clearly, some men don’t want to invest any time in this pursuit — they just want the 5-second side-show spectacle.
One man wrote:
“Any moderately intelligent and moderately considerate guy already knows most of what is in here.” (Yeah. Right.)
Another (obviously young, immature male) reader (with little knowledge of grammar or how to use the spell-check feature) explained why he bought the book:
“… to teach me how to make something I can do every once in a while (all with different women) more frequently, but sadly it spend [sic] have [sic] the time talking about ‘energy, Chakra and Chi’ the other half is filled with stuff that ever [sic] man already knows how to do… if you’re looking for a read about how to give the chick you hooked up with at the bar the best sex of her life you will do better (and save a lot of time) looking up “G-Spot Stimulation” on the internet.”
(Well, well, well…. and you wonder why I started this blog?!)
If you’ll recall from my previous post, “How I Like My Sex… Bare…”, I am not a fan of too much fanfare. So how can I love what the authors have to say about preparation in this book? Because the focus is on the connection of the partners, not acting out assumed roles. They also emphasize the preparation of the space where the session will take place. A couple should have a space that is reserved just for them and their intimate time together. (I would call this space the “bedroom,” but television and computers have invaded the once sacred sanctuary of the bedchamber.)
Pokras and Talltrees provide a recommended series of steps to follow to get ready for a female ejaculation session with your female partner, and I really love the idea of this protocol. I find great value in having a specific ritual to follow as it allows time and space to transition mentally from everyday-stressed-out-me to relaxed-orgasmic-me. This ritual aspect also reinforces the sacred aspect of being so intimate with another human being.
They offer scenarios for partners as well as solo exploration, each one beginning with a list of items to do and have at the ready. Getting set up is actually pretty easy once you’re familiar with the steps and have collected the items (such as towels, lots of lubricant, etc.), and you can leave almost everything out and pre-set from one encounter to another. (See?! I didn’t contradict myself!) Having all the goodies already set out means everything you need is within your space, and you won’t have to stop the prostate play to jump up and grab what you forgot. (However, if all goes according to plan, you will have a load of laundry to do afterward! Can we say, “Cleanup, Aisle 12!”)
Again, the focus of their protocol is the attention to detail on the woman, her body, her response to the stimulation, and the endearing connection formed by the intimacy, not the paraphernalia or “stuff” surrounding your sexual playground. And I’m assuming the man will also find pleasure in watching his female partner become aroused to the point of creating an orgasmic gush of erotic juices. I’ll also assume that a woman performing these techniques on another woman will revel in a distinct enjoyment of awareness, knowing what each and every maneuver feels like from personal experience.
As educators, Pokras and Talltrees are insistent on knowing the female anatomy, hygiene, and safe-sex practices. All excellent points, in my opinion.
I had a brief time of experiencing ejaculation in the Fall, so I can attest to how cool (and satisfying!) it is. Life and stress have affected my practice, hence the reason I got this book. My orgasms are great, but I want ‘em wet! With this information (and my new glass toy that reaches further in than my fingers can), I will report here when I’ve reached geyser status.
Until then, I hope you get Female Ejaculation: Unleash the Ultimate G-Spot Orgasm, and leave a comment below on how it’s helped you or your female partner in her journey to female ejaculation!
Aroused and juicy,
Female ejaculation has long been a source of titillation, as it has been referenced in ancient texts such as the Kama Sutra and even mentioned in the works of Shakespeare. Indigenous cultures that maintain ties to a matriarchal-based society and spirituality still teach the practice to their young females. However, in Western society, female ejaculation used to be seen only in fetishist porn (and perhaps, out-of-hand office parties) — or worse, denied completely by the scientific medical community.
Many women have endured the shame of having “wet the bed” during sex or the embarrassment of extra fluid “down there,” with some undergoing the butchery of surgery at the advice of a clueless doctor for presumed urinary incontinence. It sickens me to think that women have endured shame and embarrassment about a natural bodily fluid simply because Western medicine did not take female sexuality seriously enough to give it the same attention, time, and research dollars as male anatomy and male sexual function.
Ancient Taoist texts from 4th century China, ancient Indian sex position manuals, as well as the Western writings of Aristotle and Galen all mention female ejaculation. In the 16th century, Reinjier De Graaf wrote the first “scientific” description of female ejaculation fluid — or “pituitoserous juice” — and was also the first to use the term “female prostate” when referring to the periurethral glands.
The Marquis de Sade described female ejaculate in detail, and even Shakespeare wrote about a woman’s gushing abilities when referencing “the waters of her love.” For modern science and medicine, it was not until 1952 that the female prostate and its functions were taken seriously, when Dr. Ernst Gräfenberg, for whom the term “G-Spot” was named, published “The role of the urethra in female orgasm.”
In The Story of V: A Natural History of Female Sexuality, Catherine Blackledge details several cultures around the world that encourage female ejaculation, including the Batoro, Mohave Indians, Mangaians, Ponapese, as well as indigenous tribes in South American and even California. She notes that older women of the Batoro instruct the younger pubescent women the art of “kachapati” — that is, how to spray the wall.
To prove female ejaculation actually existed, scientists have had to determine the chemical composition of the ejaculate fluid — to differentiate it from urine. They also needed to discover the source of the ejaculate. But first, they had to find women who can “gush” on demand, who would be willing to undergo clinical tests.
In 2010, Joanna B. Korda, MD, Sue W. Goldstein, BA, and Frank Sommer, MD, set out to demystify female ejaculation and wrote their findings in a paper called “The History of Female Ejaculation” in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, Volume 7, Issue 5, pages 1965–1975, May 2010.
“Although emission of female Yin-Chi essence during orgasm is a philosophical concept, we provide justiﬁcation that female ejaculation, deﬁned as expulsion of a signiﬁcant amount of ﬂuid during orgasm, has been known and described in important documents by intellectual leaders of both eastern and western cultures for more than 2,000 years. We demonstrate intellectual concepts about female ejaculaton during orgasm in different cultures from approximately 300 B.C. to 1952 A.D., when Dr. Ernst Gräfenberg wrote an article titled ‘The role of the urethra in female orgasm.’” (J Sex Med 2010;7:1965–1975)
In writing about the Chinese view of Yin/Yang and Chi, Korda et al go on to say:
Women were said to have an inexhaustible supply of Yin essence while men had a limited supply of Yang. Before a man was allowed to ejaculate, he had to prolong sexual intercourse making a woman orgasm several times to acquire her Ching (Yin) essence.
(Three cheers for Chinese wisdom!)
Looking like a bristly tube, the female prostate envelopes the urethra, with some of the ducts draining into the urethra while others conjoin to the vaginal anterior wall, draining fluid (sometimes an opaque milky fluid) into the vagina during direct stimulation.
The female prostate fluid has been analyzed in scientific research settings and found to be comprised of prostate-specific antigen (PSA), prostate-specific acid phosphatase (PSAP or PAP), and glucose (a sugar). This recipe is also the basis for male prostatic ejaculate, minus the sperm. Some research suggests that the PAP fluid is always being produced by the female prostate, quite possibly from the onset of puberty. I would guess this to be at least part of the milky white discharge women routinely find in the crotch of their underwear. While minute amounts of uric acid have been found in prostatic fluid in men and women, neither male nor female ejaculate is urine nor urine-based.
In the 2007 paper published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, entitled “The Female Prostate Revisited: Perineal Ultrasound and Biochemical Studies of Female Ejaculate,” Florian Wimpissinger, MD, FEBU, Karl Stifter, PhD, and Walter Stackl, MD, sought to investigate the nature of female ejaculate fluid as well as determine the anatomy responsible for creating it. They studied the orgasmic response and fluid produced by two women, ages 44 and 45, “who reported actual ejaculations during orgasm.”
The doctors used “ultrasound imaging, biochemical studies of the ejaculated fluid, and endoscopy of the urethra… to identify a prostate in the female.” They compared the women’s ejaculate to pre-orgasmic urine, finding both women had higher levels of PSA, PAP, and glucose but lower creatinine levels in the ejaculate than the urine. Interestingly, the PSA levels were comparable to those of men. The doctors had established that the fluid released during the women’s orgasms was in fact not urine but a unique substance all its own.
Their results and conclusions:
“On high-definition perineal ultrasound images, a structure was identified consistent with the gland tissue surrounding the entire length of the female urethra. On urethroscopy, one midline opening (duct) was seen just inside the external meatus in the six-o’clock position. Biochemically, the fluid emitted during orgasm showed all the parameters found in prostate plasma in contrast to the values measured in voided urine.”
“Data of the two women presented further underline the concept of the female prostate both as an organ itself and as the source of female ejaculation.” (J Sex Med 2007;4:1388–1393)
In 2009, female British porn director Anna Span won a monumental victory for the veracity of female ejaculation when she knowingly submitted a film with “gushing” scenes for approval by the British Board of Film Classification. The BBFC does not allow films showing urination to be granted classification, and based upon (faulty) medical advice, the BBFC had a general ruling against female ejaculation in film, having been told it does not exist and any appearance of fluid being expelled by a female during sex was urine.Span was ready for the confrontation, sending the film’s model to a regulated lab to have her ejaculate tested (it was shown not to be urine), and she wrote a lengthy and detailed letter to the BBFC, providing the juicy details of the film shoot:
“I would also like to add to this that all members of the crew including myself witnessed the ejaculation and knew that the speed, volume, viscosity, smell and sight were all very different from urine. To be honest we were all very shocked by it! Especially Dean who received the ejaculate in his mouth…”
Like men, women do not need to orgasm to ejaculate, and vice versa — we don’t need to ejaculate in order to have an orgasm. But many women who ejaculate say it does correspond with the onset of orgasm or through repetitive, vigorous stimulation of the prostate gland after the initial orgasm. Some women find that simultaneous stimulation of the prostate and the A-spot (in the AFE zone) is required to achieve ejaculation.
As noted on The Clitoris website:
“The female prostate will continue to produce fluid for as long as a woman is sexually aroused, and as result a woman could produce more than 0.2 to 2.0 oz of ejaculate if multiple releases of fluid occurs. If the female prostate fills and empties at a rapid rate that would explain the larger volumes of fluid measured by some investigators. It would also mean the longer a woman’s orgasm lasted the more she would ejaculate, as is often the case. If this is all true it is possible for a woman to ejaculate a considerable amount of fluid without it being liquid from the bladder.
So how do you know whether the fluid is urine or female ejaculate? Urine is said to taste salty, and since female ejaculate is comprised of a form of sugar, it should taste sweet. This sweet component is the reason why ancient texts termed female ejaculation fluid as “sweet nectar of the gods.”
Acknowledging the existence of the Female Prostate was the first step in a centuries-long battle women’s sexuality has fought with the male-dominated Western “science.” A hundred years ago, Western science thought women were incapable of orgasm while perpetuating misogynist notions that women — “good” women — had no sexual desires or needs. This blatant denial of the importance of understanding female anatomy and female sexual function directly hindered the progress of women’s rights in society, including our rights to be sexual beings.
I shudder to think of the number of women who have undergone extensive medication usage or even surgery to “fix” a perceived problem of urinary incontinence, when the fluid may have in fact been female ejaculate.
Expelling of ejaculate fluid is a natural and wonderful perk to being female. And it’s no surprise to me that the doctors and activists leading the charge to verify and legitimize female ejaculation are women.
Aroused and stimulated,
An author and creator of oracle cards, Baron-Reid is billed as having “facilitated hundreds of her popular seminars and workshops on developing intuition.” She also wrote the books The Map: Finding the Magic and Meaning in the Story of Your Life and Remembering the Future: The Path to Recovering Intuition.
Baron-Reid is firmly entrenched in the 21st century New Age movement, so this CD may not resonate immediately for those who are more logically-minded. However, without knowing much else about her and by listening to the CD, I can sense Baron-Reid is adept at helping clients attune to their inner selves. After all, loosening the hold (and reliance) on the logical mind is part of the inner journey we all encounter as we grow spiritually and energetically.
“Chakra” is Sanskrit for “wheel” and refers to the philosophy of seven energy centers that correspond to seven body centers from the tailbone to the crown of the head. As with Chakra or Kundalini training, Journey Through the Chakras begins with the first chakra and its correspondences, progressing through each energy center. The vivid guided meditation is narrated by Baron-Reid herself, over original music by Mars Lasar. The CD concludes with an original song written and sung by Baron-Reid.
The CD has its flaws, but overall, I do think it has merit for those wanting an indirect lesson in learning about the chakras. It is less than an hour long, and yet doesn’t feel that long.
The very aspects of the CD that some listeners find endearing, others will find annoying: repetition of certain phrases, nature sounds, breathing “ahhhhhh” sounds at various intervals, and New Agey music underscore. Oddly, the more I listen to the CD, the less some of these elements stand out, and therefore the less they annoy me.
Baron-Reid is clearly not a voice over artist. Her voice has a rasp to it that some find to be sultry, but I do not — I think she needs to be seen by a speech pathologist. She also breathes in strange places, and her voice gives out at times, which are clear indications of weak breath support. Her glottal stops on words beginning with vowels were truly annoying to me.
The audio engineer did not edit the voice over track to current industry standards — you can hear Baron-Reid’s mouth clicks, lip smacks, numerous plosives, and weird breathing. **Note: I am being extremely picky here. Some people find her voice to be “sultry” and “husky,” lending a sensual feel to the meditation. But since this is an audio review, I have to lay it all on the table for the potential listener. Your mileage may vary.**
It’s too soon to tell if I will ever really love this CD, but I do think it has some valuable properties. I have found myself plugging in to listen to it as I lay on my bed, wanting to let my mind wander a bit. I do not focus on picturing the journey as she describes, but rather what I want to think about, and yet, I occasionally find myself suddenly visualizing the scene she is currently describing.
In the few days I’ve had the CD, I’ve listened to it perhaps 5 to 7 times. Each night I’ve had a strange dream or series of dreams involving my current life circumstances (which I never dream about), people I know (I almost never dream about people I actually know), situations I know I need to resolve, getting help (from people I never thought would be willing to help me), and other “strange”/never-dreamt-that-before types of dreamscapes. Interesting, indeed.
How to Use this CD:
Like most “pursuits” that are spiritual or energy based, you cannot actually pursue them. Your subconscious self has to be open to receiving information which in turn allows you to experience and integrate needed information into your psyche and your subconscious. Only half listening to this CD brought me dreams I don’t think I would have had otherwise. I can only wonder “what dreams may come” if I actually did the meditation/visualization.
Perhaps I will revisit this review in a month’s time. I am not sorry I bought the CD — I generally despise guided meditations and I’ve never bought one before now, so the fact that I actually bought this and keep listening to it must mean something positive for its effect on me.
Aroused and meditating,
Toenails confound me. Perhaps toenails once served a purpose as claws when we wore loincloths and had to fend for ourselves in hand-to-hand combat. Or maybe they helped us climb hills to plan an attack on a mammoth or run up a tree fleeing a saber tooth tiger. Toenails have outlived their usefulness in the 21st century, as have the Appendix or the bones of the coccyx that recall our once fluffy mammalian tail.
Genital hair is just as useless in my opinion. Oh, sure, some say genital hair acts as a cushion during mating, and scientists say genital hair’s original purpose was to absorb the pheromones of a lover, their scent lingering long after he or she had left the coital splendor. Absorbing scent is the main reason I don’t care for the au naturel hairy-mammoth-between-the-legs look. Though I have other reasons as well…
After the BP oil spill in 2010, people around the world donated their luscious locks (from their head) to be woven together into absorbent mats and dropped on the affected Gulf. Hair was reportedly the best material for absorbing the oil. Soaking up moisture is another reason I shave.
I read an article recently that claimed over 60% of women under the age of 40 in the U.S. shave some or all of their genital hair. It seems that the 20-somethings shave the most, around 80% of them, while women in the 40 to 60 age range are slowly increasing their numbers in the bare-down-there department — perhaps coinciding with the rise in cougardom? Older women looking for younger men who’s tastes have been developed by what they’ve seen in porn?
For the longest time, I only shaved my labia and the sides of my mons veneris, maintaining a sufficient inverted triangle of fuzz as a testament to my adulthood. Seeing females with completely shaved genitals in porn and skin mags would kinda creep me out. It was as if they were targeting male viewers who preferred young females — very young females. The pre-pubescent look just wasn’t for me.
Only recently did I begin shaving it all as bare as a genetically-altered lab rat. In the shower late one night, I was tired and barely awake under the soothing hot water. But knowing I couldn’t tolerate a day of stubble, I hoisted my leg up onto the tub faucet and began shaving, and then — oops! — the razor slipped. My perfect triangle was now gouged. So I thought, why the hell not?! And I shaved myself completely bare for the first time ever. (This is in light of the fact that I haven’t shaved my thighs since I was 21. But my genitals get the razor treatment every night, and sometimes during the day.)
For a woman, the genital area is dark, damp, and humid. In Western society, women tend to be covered up under layers of clothing, underwear, and hosiery. Women’s genital hair absorbs a variety of moist substances including sweat, oils, vaginal fluids, urine, and blood.
The hair also absorbs the smells from being saturated with any combination of those fluids while maintaining a hot, humid 98.6 degree body temperature. It’s no wonder men think women smell like fish! (Though the fishy smell is usually a sign of a bacterial problem that needs attention.) Even gynecologists have begun recommending women shave at least the labia to lessen the chance of bacteria hanging out in the bush(es) and making its way into the vagina, possibly causing any number of issues from bacterial vaginosis to chronic pelvic inflammation disease.
I readily admit that shaving the genitals is a form of body modification, as is a woman shaving her legs and armpits, or a man shaving stubble from his face or waxing his back. Any kind of grooming can be seen as “changing the body,” from wearing make-up or painting your nails to getting your cranial locks trimmed and styled. Wearing deodorant could even be viewed as body modification!
While certain forms of body modification are simply barbaric, such as male circumcision and female genital mutilation, I have no qualms asking a partner to shave his or her nether-regions. Why? #1 – The person decides if he or she will shave their genitals, and #2 – The hair will grow back. Therefore, asking a partner to shave or “manscape” is perfectly acceptable. Why? #1 – The person maintained his/her freedoms of choice and will, and #2 – Shaving is not a permanent change.
I remember very clearly the first time I shaved “down under.” The tub drain clogged up. I dreaded the thought of calling a plumber and having to explain, as someone with long, flowing tresses, where all that short hair came from.
I also remember the moment I actually told someone why I shave. It was after one of our weekend-long theatre orgies, and a friend and I were making the bed before we had to leave for rehearsal. She said something that prompted me to respond, quite matter-of-factly, “I started shaving because I got tired of getting the hairs caught between my fingers when I masturbated.” (This might have been the first time I actually said the word “masturbated” out loud.) My friend, who was shockless, seemed amused (and shocked). And yet, the gleam in her eye told me she totally understood.
Another incident or two led me to “require” the shaving of my partners. Though you’re not likely to see a hairy penis in porn, some men do have hair along the shaft, and yes, I prefer that shaved as well. I have mad skills in the oral pleasure department, thank you very much, and my main issue with male genital hair is that I love sucking testicles. Shaved testicles have the mouth feel of sucking on peeled grapes. An intriguing texture, to be sure.
Then there’s the hair around the anus and trapped up along the butt crack. Put your nose in that area of someone’s backside if you can’t imagine the smells those genital hairs absorb!
Shaving makes me feel so much cleaner and healthier. In fact, as I like to say, “My cunt’s so clean you could eat off it.”
Because I work at home, I have the luxury of washing off after I go to the bathroom. I know I can put my hand between my legs any time and love the smell on my fingers because the only scent that’s there is my true essence from deep with me.
So I completely respect a person’s right not to change his or her body by shaving. However, my potential partner will have to respect that I’m not going to gag on pubes or unpleasant aromas from their nether-regions. (And really, who would turn down sex over this anyway?) So shave or move along.
Aroused and squeaky clean,
In The Jungle Book, Rudyard Kipling’s loveable bear, Baloo, doesn’t want much out of life. He prefers a simple, uncluttered, unfettered existence. In the Disney film version, Baloo sings a fanciful tune about “The Bare Necessities.” This prompted me to write about what I like from a sexual union, a night of ecstasy, and the promise of wanton desires fulfilled. (With all the hooplah about what people are supposed to do to “create” a romantic evening — what we should wear, what we should say, what techniques we should know, what doo-dads, gizmos, and whizbangs should be at the ready — I simply must offer my two cents.)
In “The Bare Necessities,” Terry Gilkyson’s lyrics go like this:
Look for the bare necessities
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
Old mother nature’s recipes
That bring the bare necessities of life.
I want the bare necessities when it comes to sex. No pretense. No acting out a scene from a movie. No bullshit. Just being a real person with another real person enjoying a real moment together.
What does this mean?
I hate lingerie. I don’t want rose petals on the bed. No candles. I don’t want a steak dinner beforehand. I don’t drink. I can’t stand perfume or cologne. I despise “romantic” music. I refuse to “talk dirty.” I won’t play “dress-up.” I don’t do S&M (or bondage or dominatrix/submissive crap). I don’t like kink.
I’m fat. Why kill perfectly innocent flowers? Can you say “fire hazard?” Who wants to fuck on a full stomach? Alcohol tastes gross. Allergies. Cheezy city! Don’t bring your porn fantasies to me. I do theatre for a living. Solve your “mommy issues” on your own time. It’s weird.
Now that that’s all clear… here’s the reason. I don’t want my partner focused on all the peripheral “stuff” when he or she should be focused on me. And likewise, I don’t want to be in a panic trying to get everything ready. Again, dealing with “set dressing,” lighting, and sound is what we theatre pros call a “tech rehearsal” or a “hang and focus” in the theatre biz. I certainly don’t want to do that when I’m supposed to be getting aroused, anticipating the events to come.
Mainly, I don’t want to feel like I’m putting on an act, pretending to be something I’m not (more theatre). I want to walk into the room naked, body flaws and all, and that be okay because my partner sees me, the person I am, my heart, my soul, my being, instead of all the ways I don’t meet the American standard of beauty. My mind should be filled with a million thoughts of how I can touch him — not wishing I could afford lipo.
So here’s the recipe for having sex with me:
- Don’t be a moron. (I’m afraid I must insist on this.)
- Be prepared to be naked immediately. I don’t do bullshit / tease / “foreplay” on the couch. We’re heading to the bedroom post haste.
- The lights will be low and minimal, but definitely enough light to see everything. And I mean, everything.
- Speaking of seeing everything, make sure you shave your balls — and wash your ass crack.
- The music will be a meditation CD of my choosing. Get over it.
- The sex starts with talking for an hour or longer…
(Okay, I know I just lost the male audience, but “bare” with me.)… If I haven’t been with you before, how can I know what you like? Should I assume what you like based on what my last partner liked? Or the guy before him? Do you really want me remembering them while I’m with you? Didn’t think so. So start gabbing. Of course, we can touch, silly. Did you think we would only talk? If that’s the case, then let’s braid our hair and do our nails!
Why spend so much time on talking and experimental touching? If you’re familiar with the concept of positive and negative poles of the body, then you’d know a woman’s breasts (in line with her heart chakra) are the positive pole and the true entryway to the vagina (her sex chakra). For a man, his positive pole is the penis (no pun intended) which is his sex chakra that leads to his awakening in his chest (his heart chakra). It seems the old adage really is true, the way to a man’s heart is through his penis, and the way to a woman’s vagina is through her heart.
Do I have favorite positions? Of course. The Kama Sutra, Tantra, the Tao, and Kundalini teachings are filled with ideas for sexual awakening, soul connection, and heart chakra fulfillment. That doesn’t mean they’ll work with you. Or vice versa.
A shorter penis works well for women on top, a longer penis is great for side-behind. A curved penis is great for She Spot stimulation like having one leg over his shoulder (Splitting the Bamboo) position. Breast worship is a prerequisite to yoni massage or any genital yoga. Lingam massage and oral ecstasy are two of my specialties. Then there’s one I named the Reverse Rockingchair. (Don’t ask what it is. There’s only one way you’ll ever know what it entails.)
Seriously, though, communication is vital to the partnership, whether it’s for one night or a lifetime. If all you want is the quick screw, then you’ve definitely come to the wrong place. I expect this to go for hours, and while I suspect there will be orgasms a-plenty, I’d rather have a connection with another human being than a race to the finish. After all, I don’t need a man for orgasms — I do that amazingly well on my own, thank you very much.
Therein lies the problem. I don’t need a man. I want a man. I don’t need sex. I want sex. There is a difference. I don’t need a man in my life to take out the trash, mow the lawn, change the brakes, or fix the leaky sink. I can hire tradesmen to handle repairs around the house or on the car. As a 21st century post-feminism empowered woman, I don’t look to a man to fill “necessary” roles the way 19th century women needed men to be able to accomplish certain tasks for the upkeep of the farm or homestead.
I don’t “perform” in bed (more theatre intrusion). I don’t want you to have “performance anxiety” either. I want to sit together, and touch, and kiss, and experiment. I want to caress, and nibble, and coax, and cherish you. And I want you to want the same of me, for me, and with me.
I realize that by asking for something so simple and “deconstructed” I’m asking for quite a lot. I’m asking you to leave your ego at the door, along with your preconceived notions about what I want or how I want it. I’m asking you to give up your innate goal-oriented competitiveness, the ingrained score-keeper, and the death-grip on your self-worth and masculine identity. I’m asking you to give up the enculturation of patriarchal propaganda. I’m asking you to just… be.
I know exactly what I want and how I want it. I can tell you, and I can show you. All you have to do is pay attention. Ask questions. But to do that, you have to focus on me, the real me, and not keep a running tally in your head, comparing me to the other women you’ve been with. Be here. Now. Be in the moment. Be egoless. Nothingness. Non-attachment. Just feel. Be.
I like my sex simple — bare — stripped of the illusions put forth by Cosmo sex quizzes and Victoria’s Secret catalogues and the myths perpetuated by porn and skin mags. Sex should be a spirit connection not just mutual masturbation. Otherwise the orgasms will only be physical. And I’m not interested in that. Make me fly — fly upward above the earth, across the universe, through the veil, and let’s bask in the energy of cosmic orgasm and our union with the cosmos.
That’s not asking too much…
Aroused and baring all,
Being a multi-orgasmic woman is not easy.
Men are enamored of a woman’s ability to have multiple orgasms (MO). After all, a boy’s first exposure to sex is usually his father’s skin mag and porn collection, in which women are always strung out on orgasm-induced highs. Men can have multiple orgasms, too, but that doesn’t lessen the inherent jealousy many men feel towards women and our MO capabilities.
Multiple orgasms and the ease of having them is not the same for every woman. Some women might be able to access that part of themselves more easily and have MO’s effortlessly — like the chix in porn seem to. While we all have the “capability” of being multi-orgasmic, not all women know how to become multi-orgasmic — or want to.
I know that might be a bit of a shock to men, but many married women dread sex — they have no interest in it at all. And why should they? Studies repeatedly show 66 to 75% of women have never orgasmed during sex. So why would a woman want more or multiples of what she’s never experienced?
The reliable information on women’s sexuality is still in flux. A hundred years ago, medical science said women were not capable of orgasm, now we’re pressured into being multi-orgasmic — then hated by men when we are multi-orgasmic! Women can and do have orgasms, many different kinds of orgasms, thanks to self-discovery and self-pleasure of our multitude of spots and erogenous zones. But women need to have the orgasms for themselves, not for their partner. And yet another reminder — MEN can have MULTIPLE ORGASMS, too! (Jeez!)
Also, I know many women who are over feeling like we should live up to men’s expectations of the multiple (faked) orgasms of the Silicone Barbie in XXX films. Women are told we should talk dirty, wear lingerie, learn to striptease — when the hell have men EVER had to wear something special or learn to dance for US?!
Orgasm is all in the mind for a woman. Feeling sexy, sexual, sensual all begins in the mind, but for the average woman, her mind is already filled with everything else she has to do as a wife, mother, employee, and household slave. Feeling pressured to have multiple O’s to satiate the man’s ego creates stress which greatly inhibits the libido. The average American diet certainly doesn’t help either. Having orgasms then becomes something else that is for someone else — one more thing women do for other people and not for themselves.
This does not begin to touch on the fantasy world women create in their heads to deal with the mounting stresses of the husband, the kids, the boss, the neighbors, bills, and barely managing an over-scheduled life or reconciling the day-to-day mundanities of living an unfulfilled life. A woman’s mind is overfilled and overworked. Sometimes, there just isn’t room for herself or orgasm.
Some of us have had to learn to have multiple orgasms, and even still, we have to “work” for them. Sure, subsequent orgasms are easier after the first one or two, but don’t think we’re all going into cosmic orgasmic superconscious bliss automatically! Especially in solo sex, where the woman is doing all the stim herself — the hands and shoulders get very tired! It takes years of training to be able to zip right into the orgasm consciousness flow with little to no stimulation.
Maybe it’s easier to have MO’s during partnered sex because someone else is helping with the arousal energy… (which reminds me, summer’s coming, and I need to hire a pool boy :) )…
For a while I was able to use less stimulation, but I’m trying new things — new toys — new lubes — new techniques, So I don’t have one set way of doing anything right now. I will update on my progress as it happens!
Aroused and writhing,