NEWS: List of 31 Senators Who Voted Against the Violence Against Women Act (& the Coward Who Didn’t Vote at All)
Here’s a list of the 31 women-hating Senators in the national Congress of the United States of America (including one WOMAN!), plus the coward who did not vote one way or the other. Remember their names the next time they are up for re-election!
I’ve also added their phone numbers so you can contact them directly. The area code is (202).
Below that I’ve listed the 68 women-loving Senators (even some Republicans!) who voted for the Violence Against Women Act. Remember their names the next time they are up for re-election as well!
To find out more about our Senators, go to the official page for the U.S. Senate.
|NAYs - 31|
|Barrasso (R-WY), 224-6441 MALE
Blunt (R-MO), 224-5721 MALE
Boozman (R-AR), 224-4843 MALE
Burr (R-NC), 224-3154 MALE
Chambliss (R-GA), 224-3521
Coburn (R-OK), 224-5754 MALE
Cochran (R-MS), 224-5054 MALE
Cornyn (R-TX), 224-2934 MALE
DeMint (R-SC), 224-6121 MALE
Enzi (R-WY), 224-3424 MALE
Graham (R-SC), 224-5972 FEMALE
|Grassley (R-IA), 224-3744 MALE
Hatch (R-UT), 224-5251 MALE
Inhofe (R-OK), 224-4721 MALE
Isakson (R-GA), 224-3643 MALE
Johanns (R-NE), 224-4224 MALE
Johnson (R-WI), 224-5323 MALE
Kyl (R-AZ), 224-4521 MALE
Lee (R-UT), 224-5444 MALE
Lugar (R-IN), 224-4814 MALE
McConnell (R-KY), 224-2541 MALE
Moran (R-KS), 224-6521 MALE
|Paul (R-KY), 224-4343 MALE
Risch (R-ID), 224-2752 MALE
Roberts (R-KS), 224-4774 MALE
Rubio (R-FL), 224-3041 MALE
Sessions (R-AL), 224-4124 MALE
Shelby (R-AL), 224-5744 MALE
Thune (R-SD), 224-2321 MALE
Toomey (R-PA), 224-4254 MALE
Wicker (R-MS), 224-6253 MALE
|Not Voting – 1|
|Kirk (R-IL), 224-2854|
|YEAs – 68|
Alexander (R-TN) REPUBLICAN
Ayotte (R-NH) REPUBLICAN
Brown (R-MA) REPUBLICAN
Coats (R-IN) REPUBLICAN
Collins (R-ME) REPUBLICAN
Corker (R-TN) REPUBLICAN
Crapo (R-ID) REPUBLICAN
Heller (R-NV) REPUBLICAN
Hoeven (R-ND) REPUBLICAN
Hutchison (R-TX) REPUBLICAN
McCain (R-AZ) REPUBLICAN
|Murkowski (R-AK) REPUBLICAN
Portman (R-OH) REPUBLICAN
Snowe (R-ME) REPUBLICAN
Vitter (R-LA) REPUBLICAN
Keep up the fight!
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In response to a reader’s comment on my usage of “his-story” and “herstory” in this post, I wrote this little response.
The terms herstory / her-story are used in feminist writings for the precise point of underlining exactly how much women have been left out of the masculine narrative of world events, i.e., history. I even wrote a musical called Herstory, dealing with this very topic. (To hear a few demos, go to my personal site: TrishCausey.com.)
It’s not so much an etymological derivation I’m going for with his-story or even her-story, but rather a play on words, making the distinction between history — the narrative we’re taught in school and take for granted as “accurate,” and his-story — the overwhelmingly one-sided male version of world events that its orchestrators consistently and conveniently left women out of — all of which echoes the current political climate, a.k.a. the 2012 elections that prompted the right-wing Republicans’ “War on Women,” that caused Democrats and social activists to ask the question: Where Are the Women?!
As they say, the conquerors write the history books, and this is true whether it is women being left out or the “other side” of the story being obscured to make the conqueror look better.
When I was in school, “World History” consisted only of the Greek Empire, the Roman Empire, a paragraph or two on ancient China, a hiccup on India, and then jerking off to the wonders of Columbus and the so-called “discovery” of the “New World.” This hardly covers all of world history, and frankly, it’s a piss-poor job of a “survey” of history as well.
Archeological evidence around the world proves women were involved in all aspects of society: fighting in battles, doing daily domestic chores within a tribe or clan, leading religious activities as priestesses, acting as medical healers of an entire community, and officiating in government as judges and/or chieftains or queens. The fact that the emphasis on goddesses is so prevalent on ancient cultures sheds but a glimpse of the extent to which women might have been revered.
From the rise of the imperial, patriarchal regimes of antiquity through the 20th century, women who really wanted to participate did so in “drag,” dressing as a man in order to fulfill their purposes in helping with a cause. Women who were openly independent, standing up to oppressive religion and government or fully participating in teaching the next generation of girls the women’s mysteries, were accused of Witchcraft and summarily arrested, tortured, and executed in one form or another, burning at the stake being the favored method in Europe, while hanging or even stoning was preferred in the “New World.” And yes, I wrote a musical on this as well: Witchcraze.
Women have not only been erased from history (i.e., Hatshepsut’s statues in Egypt de-faced and her named chiseled out of the stone to erase her legacy — quite literally), but women have not been accurately included in history to begin with. In medieval Europe, the tradition of not even recording girls’ names when they were born was common — because girls were not important. But boys’ names were recorded because property, family names, and inheritances were passed down through the male line under the patriarchal societal system.
When I participated in a medieval historical re-enactment group, the name nerds were sticklers for making sure everyone’s persona had a legitimate, verifiable name for the time frame and nationality of the persona. As a 12th century Scot, getting my name “approved” was difficult because females were not recorded except in extreme cases, such as a wealthy (for Scotland) couple only having a female child survive to adulthood. (The fact that the Scots at this time were also on the last legs of independence in their indigenous culture, which had an oral tradition not a written language, made documentation difficult as well.) So while they wanted me to prove my name did exist, I told them to prove it didn’t. They couldn’t — because women were not included in the male narrative from the beginning.
I’ve often asked the question — Name 5 famous women from American history. Most people name Betsy Ross, Harriet Tubman, maybe Eleanor Roosevelt, maybe Susan B. Anthony. But no one ever gets to 5 names. They rarely get to the 20th century when women finally earned the right to vote in 1920 and marched in the streets for equal rights in the 1960′s and 1970′s! That shows just how much women have been excluded from the important facts in American his-story. Our brains are drilled on the male war mongers, the American Revolution, the male Founding Fathers, the male presidents, even the male dissidents, the bloody American Civil War, World War I, and World War II. Women were there! Obviously, we were there, or none of us would be here today! But in the common narrative of history, “Where Are the Women?”
It is time to re-write the history books — not as his-story, or even solely her-story, but to tell the tale of all of us.
OM is the clitoris-centric practice brought to the masses by Nicole Daedone, author of Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm. In her TEDtalk, “Orgasm: The Cure for Hunger in the Western Woman,” Daedone explained how she came to OM-ing and how it changed her. She says she’s not a New Age “woo-woo” person, but I won’t hold that against her. Daedone is obviously passionate about getting this revolutionary information out to women, and so am I!
Speaking for myself, I find clit-only stimulation and orgasms to be extremely boring — or I did, before OM. Having discovered my She Spot over a decade ago, I’m rather an aficionado of blended orgasms, stimulating both my She Spot and clit simultaneously to achieve both the full-body waves of the vaginal orgasm and the fireworks’ explosion of heat of the clitoral orgasm. Since becoming acquainted with my prostate last fall and making peace with my breasts, I have been on a path of rediscovering my body now that I see it as truly mine — not a man’s plaything or a child’s source of nourishment.
I hesitated to even try the OM technique, which only lasts 15 minutes, because it is a couple’s practice, and I’m single. I tried it the first time and didn’t get much out of it, but that was completely my fault. After years of blended O’s, stimulating just the clit was weird, made even weirder because the fingering technique is not the hard and fast circles of friggin’ off women are so used to seeing in porn and doing on themselves. The OM touch is a gentle, subtle touch that I didn’t appreciate at first.
Clitoral orgasms are typically localized to the clitoral area, with an explosion that doesn’t leave any lasting orgasmic contractions the way vaginal orgasms do (for me, anyway). The clitoris is itself much more than just the “rosebud” visible from the outside. Also, after years of being on the vibration bandwagon thanks to effective marketing that makes women think “assisted” orgasms are better (they’re not), I had absolutely no feeling in my clit at all, unless I used a vibrator. My clit was dead. Having thrown my Hitachi Wand in the dumpster a year ago, I had to give my clit time to heal from the nerve damage while I began my new life as a Recovering Vibratoraholic. It was then I realized that by using a vibrator on my clit and a g-spot vibe inside to orgasm, I hadn’t actually touched my lady’s loins in a damn long time — this was exacerbated by my new life and new stresses as a single mother. The past year of bodily and orgasmic explorations brought me back in touch with the amazing textures, capabilities, and ever-changing environments of my genitals. I only WISH I’d known about OM-ing a year ago!
My second go with OM-ing was late at night, when I was in bed and generally feeling very Zen — i.e., lazy but not sleepy. I was too tired to drag out a toy and expend the energy that would entail, so it seemed to be the perfect time to try OM again. Thoroughly relaxed — a rarity for me, I allowed myself to have a goalless, non-attachment philosophy toward OM-ing. OM is simple and unpretentious, similar to how I like my sex. After all, OM is a technique to make orgasms better, not necessarily to orgasm at that moment — which was good because the thought of a lackluster clitoral orgasm wasn’t appealing. (I was tired, not crazy.)
I set the timer alarm on my phone for the requisite 15 minutes. As I lay there in the dark, with my nightly meditation CD playing, I began the finger technique on my clit — a very precise technique on an exact part of the clit — and began to have the most amazing sensations. Heat began to rise up from my clit and circulate like spirals of arousal energy snaking up my body and down my limbs. (You don’t have to subscribe to chakras and chi to get the benefits of this mojo either.)
I could have lived in this energy forever, and knowing I wasn’t trying for an orgasm seemed to take some pressure off, and before I knew it, a huge, full-body orgasm hit. My back arched, my legs kicked out, and I made my moans that I love so much. It was incredible. Actually, it was multiple. I kept up the precise fingering, and the wave/explosions kept hitting.
It was like having two separate experiences at once: #1: an in-body experience of the orgasms and feelings themselves, and #2: an out-of-body/observer experience that was shocked that I’d just had a full-body O via clit-only stimulation — and not the frantic circle stim either, but the soft, light, unassuming OM flick of the index finger across my long-unappreciated clitoris.
Then the 15-minute alarm sounded. I have never hated my phone more than at that moment!
The next surprise was the tears. Since finding my true orgasmic potential, my orgasms are always multiples, and the denouement is always emotional. The harder the gut-wrenching sobs, the stronger and more numerous the orgasms were. Crying after a clit-only session was definitely a new one for me!
Since then, my clit has been more responsive to touch and required less stimulation during my other orgasmic pursuits. While I’m still learning about clitoral and vaginal orgasms and how they differ due to the different major nerves that feed feeling to the separate areas, I’m a big believer in OM.
The only downside I can see to OM is that men may view it as yet another practice in which they do all the “work” while the woman gets all the “benefits.” These insecure men probably wouldn’t appreciate the subtle genius of OM anyway. ***NOTE: Since the clit and the head of a man’s penis are synonymous, I would theorize that the OM technique could be quite delicious on the man as well, just re-set the 15-minute timer. ***
Yes, OM recommends a particular set-up or sacred space called “the nest” to create atmosphere as well as comfort. OM requires a specific position for both the woman and her partner. OneStroke Lube. 15 minutes. But once the OM-ing is done, you can both hit the bed (or the diningroom table) and continue with the merry-making. (Any straight man who wouldn’t want to spend 15 minutes’ quality time with his woman spread eagle on his lap needs help.) And for those who are woo-woo-minded, Tantra and other sex practices acknowledge that it takes 15-30 minutes of stimulation to get a women fully aroused and in the multiple orgasm zone. OM is a great way to spend that 15 minutes.
OM is available through OneTaste, which offers classes, videos, and workshops to hone the OM technique as well as improve the communication of the couple. After all, “relationship” is the active relating to another person. How often is sex bad because there is no relating between the people involved? Have a look at OneTaste’s Essentials Package for starters.
Have you tried OM-ing? Let me know by leaving a comment below!
To watch Nicole’s presentation at TEDxSF, click play:
A current series on BBC Two is shaking up the bubble of religious misogyny that the Catholic church and fundamental conservatives don’t want you to know about.
Bettany Hughes, anthropologist and author of The Hemlock Cup: Socrates, Athens and the Search for the Good Life and Helen of Troy: The Story Behind the Most Beautiful Woman in the World, has appeared in several programs for the BBC and PBS highlighting ancient history and women’s place in it: Helen of Troy, The Minotaur’s Island, and When the Moors Ruled in Europe.
Hughes’ latest foray into the world of highlighting women’s contributions to world history is the BBC Two series “Divine Women.” She brings to light information about women’s involvement in religion, not only as supreme mother goddesses and priestesses to the masses, but goddesses and women as true forces to be reckoned with (think Kali), when women were revered for their ability to both create and defend themselves and their loved ones as they saw fit — essentially, these females were in complete control of their bodies and their own desires, a great reminder for women today!
Women’s independent nature has repeatedly been attacked for centuries in the form of witch trials and anti-suffrage movements. The inherent fear and jealousy that many men have toward women was first cultivated by the patriarchal, imperial regimes of antiquity in the original #waronwomen that we are fighting to this day.
Hughes’ soft-spoken, well-educated British delivery lessens the blow of shockingly empowering information, that heretofore, only we Pagans and heathens seem to have known. Elevating women to the status of not only equals in religion, government, and society, the evidence shows women were actually viewed as superior to men just as female goddesses overshadowed male gods. This may come as a surprise to religions that forbid women to be priests or governments that refuse to allow women to fight on the front lines of battle — all because we have vaginas, the part of woman men love and fear simultaneously.
In reading a review by a clueless male UK writer, he thought the first episode was slow, meandering, and overall lame. When I confronted him on Twitter, I substantiated my arguments with facts (and passion), and he accused me of being a “bot.” I guess that’s the social media version of when women are “emotional” or “high-strung,” we’re just experiencing the effects of being “hormonal” at “that time of the month.” He again proved that the average man simply cannot tolerate an empowered, strong, kicking-butt-taking-names woman — similar to the insecure men who banded together to erase women from history and religion, relegating women’s only value in society to giving birth to healthy sons and cleaning the house, doing laundry, cooking meals, raising the kids, and laying back for lackluster sex whenever the husband was horny.
Whether you believe in a duality of a higher spirit or not, the time has come to re-write the his-story books that erased women from its narrative. We regurgitate the names of male generals and the battles they waged and call it “history.” We revere the “Founding Fathers” with no regard for the women who were our “Founding Mothers.” This series, “Divine Women,” is a brilliant step in the right direction of getting accurate information about women’s true role in the history and the her-story of the world.
For now, UK audiences can watch it on BBC Two. When it hits the DVD section of Amazon, I am definitely buying it!
Agree or disagree? Leave a comment!
With the current political climate in the United States, tensions are running higher than ever in the battle for women’s rights. In fact, the GOP’s consistent disregard for a woman’s sovereignty over her own body has been dubbed the “War on Women.”
In the world of social networking, the hashtagged terms #waronwomen and #wherearethewomen have hundreds of thousands of women following the Twitterverse updates on their phones as well as articles and editorials in the online blogosphere. This unity of women extends beyond the borders of the U.S., as women around the world are beginning to #occupy their bodies and the legislatures to end the #waronwomen and our bodies.
Whether the topic is birth control, pregnancy, body piercing, or genital mutilation, or forced sterilization, women must be in control of what happens to and in out bodies.
The Republicans in Congress are leading the charge against women. Congress has repealed the Violence Against Women Act, which changes the legal deifnition of rape. As if the the Susan G. Komen kerfuffle and the attempt to de-fund Planned Parenthood wasn’t bad enough. Sandra Fluke became a household name when the all-male committee on the women’s birth control panel had no women on its team and refused to hear Fluke’s testimony.
And it’s only April. Presidential elections aren’t until November. This will be a long year, kids.
Hey, #GOP! I’m ovulating. Would u like 2 come over 2 catch my egg b4 it’s flushed down the toilet when I go 2 the bathroom? #waronwomen #fem2 #women
Aside from a few snickers from men, my point was made, and I am just one woman who is speaking out against the tide of oppression powered by the GOP’s medieval mentality.
With the Republicans claiming they know best in all matters of a woman’s body, incensed women around the country have bombarded the Facebook accounts of religious, conservative Republican legislators. Women have been leaving messages about their periods, bloating, cramps, ovulating, hormonal fluctuations, mood swings, what kind of bra to buy, the best cure for a vaginal yeast infection, soothing tender breasts, requesting breastfeeding tips, and so much more.
Interestingly, I don’t think any of these male right-wing nut-jobs was able to offer any advice. On another forum, I’ve recently had my own run-in with men who think they know the female body and female orgasm better than women do. And this guy wasn’t even American. So clearly, the problem exists everywhere, which means the #waronwomen is far from over.
The bad news is that this is just the middle of the war, each week brings a new battle, it seems. The great news is that women in America are not sitting idly by and hoping for the best. Women are taking to the streets to protest the right-wing’s agenda and networking online and via social media to connect and get the word out. We don’t need an imaginary warrior princess to save us from the bad guy. And the war won’t end with the elections in November.
Every woman has the capacity to be a Warrior Queen, fighting for her right and all of our rights to have control over our bodies.
My daughter and I spent every day together swimming in the pool, biking around town, and walking to our favorite shops. All of this was a welcome breather from the usual schedule of alarms, deadlines, and having to be up way too early every morning to get her on the school bus.
During this time, I wasn’t able to have my usual orgasmic pursuits which I generally enjoy in the early afternoons. Interestingly, I tried out a new technique with outstanding results that I’ll write up tomorrow or the next day. Also, this time gave me a chance to do hands-only O’s, getting me back in touch with my innermost recesses and their individual responses to different kinds of touch and stimulation. Sometimes jarring, sometimes nuanced, but always enlightening and delicious.
I’ve also been switching my blog to here on WordPress. So make sure you update your RSS feed and/or sign up to follow my posts via email (use the Follow option on the right side of this page) . WP is much easier for me to use and share my posts, and I think you’ll like it better as well. So be sure to make the switch so you can follow my updates as well as my (almost) DailyOJ (Orgasm Journal) which will have brand NEW posts about NEW experiences.
The current political climate has (finally) put the spotlight on women’s healthcare, women’s right to choice over their bodies, LGBT issues, and the Republicans’ #WarOnWomen. I’ll be super busy relaying News pieces on the fight for Women’s Rights in America and around the world, as well as nifty tidbits on my journey promoting Women’s Sexuality. I will also get caught up on all my book reviews, music CD reviews, product reviews, and film/video reviews that I’ve been meaning to get posted.
I’m also starting a new radio show, branched off from my Activists’ Voice show, that I’m now devoting solely to Aroused Woman Radio. Lots to come — now that I’m no longer on vacation (sigh). Yes, I have indeed been lazy (and it’s been wonderful!). But the world doesn’t get better by staying bed… well, some things get better by staying in bed.
Aroused and back to work,
I just wrote up my review for the Don Wands Pink Bent Graduate glass dildo, but I thought I would also describe my experience with using it, in case it helps other women (or men) figuring out how to use a toy such as this.
I recently bought another penis-shaped vibrator that turned out to be huge — it’s something that might be standard fare at one of Caligula’s horse parties. Thus, it is rarely used. My usual penis-shaped vibrator is a great size and fits well in my hand. It is my usual go-to appendage when I’m feeling like using a toy, as opposed to “all hands on deck,” which is another renewed hobby and fabulously satisfying. (Note: I don’t use the vibration as I am a Recovering Vibratoraholic. In fact, they don’t even have batteries in them.)
The first time I used the Don Wands Pink Bent Graduate in Glass, I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it since it isn’t “full” in shape like a penis-shaped toy. It isn’t that long, either, so there is no sense of “fullness” at all, which left me to wonder why the heck bother? Except that from everything I’ve read about female ejaculation, being “full” actually compresses the prostate which prevents the release of the prostatic fluid/ejaculate.
I must have been in a hurry that day, because I gave up on the glass dildo and went for my usual toy. Changing in midstream did effect the outcome, but not in a good way. Of course, I orgasmed, but it wasn’t the blended O’s I’m used to achieving. Frankly, it was a weird overall feeling.
This glass dildo had apparently awakened parts of me that don’t normally get aroused — either because my fingers aren’t long enough to reach inside or the penisy toys are too full and not as “directional” as the smaller glass dildo. So switching toys meant the newly stimulated areas of my anatomy were no longer getting attention as my usual hotspots began to get turned on by my usual toy and usual stimulation .
Saturday night, I reached for this glass dildo for its sophomoric performance, determined to just allow and feel, and this must have been the right mindset. I got into the groove of using this toy and felt sensations in the anterior part of the vagina immediately, so I knew it really was affecting my prostate.
I realized that the emphasis of the movement needs to be different that using a penisy toy. I sometimes use just the head of the penisy toy to stimulate my prostate because it has a slight curve to the shaft, and that feels great. But because of the dirth and rigidity of the toy, it “feels” as if it’s hitting too broad an area and not providing localized stimulation of the prostate. (Don’t ask me to explain that. This is my experiential observation, so it’s not up for scientific review or the third degree.)
Rather than making the emphasis on the thrust inward (as we’re so used to doing), I made more of a dragging upward and outward motion, and THAT was the key to using this glass dildo. Doing this perfectly strokes the various parts of my She Spot zone as well as puts pressure on my actual prostate. It reached the very back of the She Spot area, where the ridgy prostate area melds into the silky smooth anterior wall of the vagina — this is about the limit of where my fingers can reach most of the time. I also really liked the fact that I could move the glass dildo side to side and feel those sensations as it moves horizontally across the She Spot zone. (Yes, a woman CAN feel different movements in the upper part of the vagina).
Long story short (I’d hate to bore you with all the details , I again felt sensations specifically to my prostate area that I haven’t experienced since November. The feeling of needing to urinate hit several times, so I knew I was on the right track. I get the sensation of the need to urinate during my usual practice, but this was much more intense and insistent, and the feeling happened repeatedly throughout — welcome signs, for sure!
I pushed out several times to help encourage the flow of juices, and though I didn’t actually ejaculate, I do think I might achieve full-on female ejaculation if I keep practicing with this toy. That feeling of “Yes, I’m about to ejaculate!! Oh, no, I’m about to ejaculate — and soak the bed, and scare the neighbors with my orgiastic screams of delight” inner conflict might have been the trigger that stopped me from hitting the ejac jackpot.
Now in harmony with how this guy operates, I had a series of delicious orgasms that were familiar and yet new, and yet harkened back to what I felt in November. This was my first time using the glass toy all the way through to orgasm, and it more than proved its worth. I feel that I’m once again at the threshold of awakened prostate orgasm glory, and I’m taking this glass dildo with me to the other side.
I woke up the next morning, and was inspired to try both dildos again to see if I could transition without losing emerging sensations and arousal. I’m happy to report, that yes, indeed, starting with the glass toy and switching to the penisy toy can be done very successfully. I enjoyed the numerous orgasms induced by the session and even went back for seconds while the aftershocks here still in high gear (about 10 minutes later), starting a new series of orgasms and palpable aftershocks / contractions of every part of my sexual organs and my abdominals for almost an hour. Now, this how you spend a lazy day in bed.
Another much welcomed sensation occured this morning, as I was sitting in my office chair and felt my prostate give a few pulses — sensations I haven’t felt in months. This was a “Eureka!” moment, and this is the main reason I will keep using the Don Wands Pink Bent Graduate in Glass. Though I know my prostate and She Spot are alive and well thanks to the ability to have my blended orgasms — I can feel the changes in size and texture to my She Spot zone when I use my fingers to stimulate her — I want the truly awakened prostate feelings I had a few months ago. And it seems, I may have finally found the missing ingredient to this orgasmic recipe for stirring my prostate to life.
Aroused and journaling,
January 20, 2012
You’ll notice I haven’t said much about the clitoris.
Since discovering blended orgasms over a decade ago, I don’t usually do clit-only stimulation. And with my recent explorations inside and the energy / sound orgasmic practice and sensual massage, I can use less stimulation on my clit — even prefer less stimulation on my clitoris. In fact, I recently tried doing clit-only stimulation to orgasm, and while I did reach orgasm, it was boring as hell. The orgasm was very localized to the clit itself, and there was no heat, no waves of pleasure, not even a real urge to go for another orgasm. It almost makes me sad to think my clit is a one-hit wonder. I guess blended O’s are the only orgasms I really enjoy.
And in regard to multiple orgasms. I’m not at the point where I can have several orgasms that automagically spring off the first orgasm (if that’s what people do). I still have to stimulate my clit and She spot for them. I want to get to that point of reaching orgasm and riding the waves of numerous orgasms.
One thing I have noticed since my orgasms have become so much stronger is how my clit naturally recedes into the body/pubic bone when I’m near orgasm. My clit is practically flush to my pubic bone near and during orgasm, and I just have to trust that she’s still there, tending to very important orgasm duties inside.
By the way, I’m looking into another technique that focuses on the clitoris, so stay tuned for more reports from the field!
Aroused and trusting,
The key to Female Ejaculation — the wet orgasm — depends on your lady and where her spot(s) are, how they respond to stimulation, and even where they move to during arousal. Most women who ejaculate do so from direct stimulation of the female prostate.
As the giver, use your fingers and curl them up in the “come hither” position. Anchor your fingertips against the inside of the pubic bone (on the prostate), and move the prostate itself — not circles ON the prostate, you’re actually moving the prostate against the pubic bone. Also, hold your other hand on the mons veneris and lower abs just at the pubic bone. (Remember, the lower abs are responsible for delicious coregasms!) This way you’re stimulating the full prostate region from inside as well as the outside. As above, so below.
Also, near orgasm — for the wetter variety — the woman needs to push out like she’s going to the bathroom, not pull up and in. And don’t press so much on the prostate at that point.
You can also tap the opening of the urethra — the U-Spot — for extra sensation — it is encircled by erectile tissue, just like that at the top of the penis. There is also a small “spot” of erogenous tissue just above the urethral opening and below the clit. Tap or stroke this as well for more incredible sensations.
I hope I will have more to report on my adventures with female ejaculation. And in case I didn’t mention it earlier, here’s one last “tip” on female ejaculation. Since most of the female prostate tissue is toward the opening of the vagina, you may not want a penis or large toy inserted fully.
Fingers might be best, but if doing penile / toy penetration, then use just the head. Or use a G-Spot toy specifically designed for female prostate stimulation. The width of the penis or a large toy during full insertion can “choke” off the prostate’s fluid, which hinders the water flow or waterfall / geyser effect you’re going for. That doesn’t necessarily affect the orgasm fabulousness itself, just the amount of “rainfall”.
Just follow these tips to get a great weather prediction: “High ‘precipitation’ with a chance of orgasm!”
Aroused and wet,
I got the book, Female Ejaculation, and I really do like it and recommend it to all who are interested in this aqautic phenomenon. The actual technique, as espoused by the authors Somraj Pokras and Jefree Talltrees, is pretty easy and can be summed up in one paragraph. But what the authors do very well is emphasize getting the woman ready to be that open emotionally. Yes, orgasm is emotional! Especially the different types of orgasms that are vaginal, i.e., prostate, G-Spot / She-Spot, A-Spot, cervical, P-Spot, etc. Women have to be ready to be emotional and open to being “vulnerable.” (I know, that kinda sucks.)
They emphasize how a woman’s “spot” moves and changes, not only from decade to decade — where it was when she was 20 may be different from where the spot is when she’s 30, etc., but also that the spot(s) move during sex due to engorged tissues during arousal.
My two main problems with the term G-Spot are thus:
- The “G” of “G-Spot” stands for Dr. Grafenberg, a male doctor, and I refuse to call this very wonderful, beautiful, sacred part of me after a man. Hence my term, She Spot.
- The term “spot” intimates one “dot” of hyper-sensitivity, when it is in fact an entire area, or zone, of incredibly responsive erogenous tissue and glands.
The She Spot can be hard to locate at first, especially if the woman is not aroused. The prostate may seem to blend in with the rest of the vaginal wall tissue. However, with arousal, such as copious breast worship, sensual massage, and an exploratory finger or two inside, you can feel the prostate’s texture become more ridged on the front wall just as you enter — that zone where the prostate blends with the vagina. Within this ridgy texture, you may be able to feel a “spot” that protrudes from there, a little flap of tissue — this is likely the famed “G-Spot.” This “spot” can also change texture, size, and location with further arousal. Like the woman herself, you have to pay attention to keep up with her.
Make a V with your fingers and feel the sides of the prostate / She Spot area. Feel how the texture of the sides of the vagina almost point you toward the top where the cervix and more spots lay in waiting for stimulating touch. This area, above the cervix, is home to the AFE zone, a.k.a., the A-Spot, as well as the P-Spot. For some women, one of these spots is the erogenous zone, so don’t think the mighty clitoris is the only orgasm button! Stimulation on any one spot or via various strokes to hit all the spots simultaneously brings many different sensations, not only in the vaginal area but throughout the entire female body. Make a mental map of your lady’s love zones for further stimulating combinations.
Some women are uncomfortable being stimulated on the ridgy tissue of the prostate because it makes them feel like they have to urinate. They get self-conscious and hold back to stem what they think might be a flow of urine, but consequently, they cut off their ability to orgasm.
The Female Prostate used to be called the Skene’s Gland (after yet another penised person). A few years ago, the Federative International Committee on Anatomical Terminology voted to officially change the name of the gland from Skene’s to the Female
Prostate. After all, the Male Prostate isn’t called “Bob’s Gland”; it’s just the prostate. The female prostate is equated with the male’s prostate due to its production of PSA.
The female prostate is unique in that it surrounds the urethra as well as blends into the anterior wall of the vagina. It is responsible for fluids from the vagina that are opaque or milky in color, as opposed to the other fluids made in the vagina that are clear. The prostate also is responsible for the clear fluid of female ejaculation that are expelled from the urethra (but are not urine).
And of course, there should never be any pain. But once the prostate is awakened, it can take some getting used to. You will feel like you have to go to the bathroom constantly. So you go in to the bathroom repeatedly within the span of a short time, and urinate the first time, maybe the second time, but then there’s nothing the third time, the fourth, or the fifth time. Don’t get frustrated! It’s probably not your bladder. It’s probably your prostate. So once, you know your bladder is empty after that second time to the loo, but you again feel that strong urge to urinate, finger yourself instead. If you like the feelings, then carry on. And hang on for what might be the best ride of your life!
Since my initial experiences with my awakened prostate and forays into ejaculation, I have had orgasms while urinating (the female prostate wraps around the urethra, remember), and even had my first spontaneous deskgasm. But that feeling of hot magma pulsating within me has not been as strong since that couple of weeks last Fall. I don’t know how to phrase it… As a person who believes in reincarnation and that this meat-suit is temporary, if you were to ask me if I’m afraid of dying, I would say, “No..” But in that moment, feeling that inner lava about to burst forth and make me physically(!) explode into a zillion pieces, I think it did terrify me. But that still didn’t stop me from going for what turned out to be the biggest orgasm of my life.
And we haven’t even touched on anal play! Never fear, more journal entries to come!
Aroused and awakened,
(*In response to a query about my fluctuating orgasmic experiences which hit an incredible peak in November, but have waned since then.*)
Today was my first proper KSMO 20-minute protocol since the first week of December. With the holidays and my writing deadlines and my daughter being out of school, there was rarely a time I felt comfortable doing KSMO or any solo sex because I’m such a screamer nowadays.
I also understand the protocol a little better now, I think. I had thought that the feelings during the 20-minute session were supposed to be arousing (they’re not, per se) and lead to orgasm (nope), so it kind of left me wondering, “what the heck is the 20-minute session doing exactly?”
I was also confused by the inconsistent advice in the forum — some people need to do the protocol exactly, but others can do what they want. It’s called a “protocol” but then I’m told it’s “suggested guidelines” — sorry, but protocol and suggested guidelines are too very different animals. This coupled with my recent experiences with some asshole men on the forum is leaving me with some animosity toward the whole KSMO thing, which may be manifesting in a psychosomatic way and affecting my practice.
So having been told that I can pursue an orgasm after the 20-minute protocol session, I do sometimes. I don’t get anywhere near orgasm during KSMO, but the stimulation makes my body really ready for a trip down orgasm lane. Sometimes I don’t “go for it,” but rather, I just relax, a deep relaxation almost to the point of dozing off, which helps recharge my batteries (no vibrator pun intended!). But sometimes, yes, I “go for it” and enjoy the ensuing orgasms..
My main concern (during the holidays) is that since starting with the KSMO practice in August, I get so loud during sex that I knew I’d disturb the neighbors with my moaning and roaring. October through November, the KSMO practice had me buzzing, echoing, whatever you want to call it, 24/7. Back then, I was doing stimulation for the whole 20 minutes — oops! Here again, inconsistency in advice in the forum rears its ugly head — I was told it was okay to stim the whole time if I wanted to, while others said to do the caress on “protocol” — I find this to be very annoying. I had amazing early success using my intuition and incorporating my knowledge of other systems like Tantra touch and yogic breathing. And I’ve found that people with backgrounds in other energy / sound systems do indeed have quick success. But doing the “protocol” as stipulated actually seems to have set me back.
I even thought about that today. Since doing just the single caress, it doesn’t do for me what the constant stimulation did. But I will have to wait until tomorrow to see if my prostate kicks in. Back in October / November, I could do a key sound off the cuff, and BAM! There she was — my amazing prostate was totally ready for searing orgasm bliss — a fiery heat pulsing from within like she was going to expand right through my body and outside of me. Incredible and addictive!
At the time, I almost wanted a reprieve from that 24/7 wired to the universe, hands and feet buzzing with energy, chest wall vibrating, pelvis totally jazzed, constant scalp- and spine-tingling arousal. Well, darn it, I got it. Now I’m wanting to get that spark back!
With the single caress stimulation, my prostate (which is my focus for now) doesn’t start having sensations until the next day — that day in between — and they’re not nearly as strong as before. So, you think maybe I should go back to the other (constant) stimulation? Or wait and see if doing the protocol “properly” develops new sensations?
Today, I did my 20 minutes and had a few minutes before I had to get back to my duties, so I enjoyed the warmth and wetness, but did not go to the point of orgasm. During the session, after the first couple of breaths / key sounds, I felt wild heat and throbbing in the genitals. I don’t know what the KSMO term for that is. I really had to focus to keep my mind on the breathwork and the feelings — and keep my mind from re-playing the events with the assholes from earlier. That was really hard, but I did manage to have an enjoyable 20-minutes. I’ll have to wait and see what I feel tomorrow. I’ll also do another “proper” 20 minute session on Saturday and see what, if anything, I feel Sunday.
This delay or lag in my KSMO / orgasm experience could be a natural waxing and waning as some people report, or again, it could be psychosomatic with the peripheral bullshit and inconsistent advice. Then there are the annoying holidays, the neighbors, et al. I feel I lost that “train of thought” that I had just discovered, and now it’s dormant. I don’t know at this point, and unfortunately, the only way to find out is to keep trying and stay in this “wait and see” pattern.
Aroused and fluctuating,
(*In response to a query about an incident on the KSMO forum with an immature male who was jealous of my multiple orgasm capabilities and called my journey “pointless.” *)
(To the querent) I’m sorry if I sounded harsh, that wasn’t my intent. I just wanted out of that negative energy (with the immature male) immediately. To have my sexual, sensual, orgasmic journey belittled and called “pointless” is just rude and misogynist.
My point was that women’s journey to multiple orgasms will ALWAYS be different than men’s. And if being different, and embracing the difference, and enjoying our different journeys is discounted, then women and men will never be able to openly communicate about sexual matters.
So my women’s activism self came to the fore. It wasn’t so much about me, but that any woman who reads those comments of that chat will think she shouldn’t post on KSMO about her journey. However, because the KSMO forum is Jack’s playground and not mine, I tried to be civil — when I really wanted to go flaming ballistic!
These young guys are all ego and misinformation from porn, movies’ sex scenes, magazine sex quizzes, and locker room bullshit. They combine their immature frat-boy mentality with their ridiculous jealousy over women’s ability to have multiple orgasms, completely oblivious to the difficult journey most women travel to be orgasmic at all, much less experience multiples. They seem to forget that they, the men, can indeed enjoy multiple orgasms, too. But hating on women and women’s bodies seems to be a recurrent theme in the 2012 #WarOnWomen. And yes, dealing with these assholes does make me wonder why I’m not a full-time lesbian.
This repeated experience of immature 20- and 30-something males verbally attacking me in the KSMO forum and chatroom because I’m a vocal proponent of furthering accurate, honest knowledge of female sexuality was partly the impetus of me starting my Aroused Woman activist site and this blog. So maybe some good came out of an otherwise distasteful and unwarranted situation (again).
Aroused and fighting,
Just throwing this out there… In the free-flow chat last night (or the other night — can’t remember now), another chick and I both said that we sometimes have to do the KSMO key sound twice to get it into that really low (awkward) placement. I wondered if anyone (guys or gals) had experienced that.
I was doing my KSMO this morning, which I time with the stopwatch on my phone. By the time I finally got the key sound perfect the first time around, my alarm went off! Grrrrrrrr…
I also noted that I tend to do nipple-only stim the first 10 minutes, then move a hand south to my genitals and caress the exterior of the vulva for about 5 minutes, then the last 5 minutes is internal caress stimulation (single caressing!) on my She Spot. By this time, though, I AM extremely hot and bothered, so maybe natural arousal is kicking in and contributing to the husky sound? Otherwise, unnatural, husky vocal production is dangerous to the voice (and speech pathologists everywhere will back me up on this). I want to be safe with my voice while furthering my experiences on the KSMO path to blissed out orgasms. But doing the key sound is starting to hurt, actually.
I’m wondering, too, if I should do a full-body warm up before doing the KSMO protocol — the same way a singer should do a full-body warm up before vocalizing. It really does get the blood flowing to the vocal folds as well as wake up the belly-breathing respiratory subsystem. I might do that next time and report if it helps make the key sound better from the start or at least more fluid.
In that chat, we also talked about the importance of making sure the mouth is open wide enough — not too wide, but your mouth SHOULD be open. The placement of the jaw really does matter in sound production whether you’re singing or having orgasms — i.e., the KIND of sound you produce, resonance, as well as volume. All of this affects the voice.
And one gent had a great quote about why making sound during arousal and orgasms is NATURAL. Good thing I’m loving’ my moan.
Aroused and vocalizing,
So… more mental meanderings today…
As an artist, my brain works in circles and not usually a linear path — or as a friend once told me, “Your mind works like an 8-track tape. There are 8 tracks going at all times, but you jump from one track to another as you please, and the rest of us have to keep up.”
So I was pondering KSMO and how to make the best use of my time while I’m on Stealth KSMO for the next couple of weeks because of the holidays. I am also working on energy raising — and NOT chasing those darn incredible prostate orgasms I experienced last month!
I happened upon this — Tarot (dot com’s) Tarot Card o’ the Day. I do not frequent this site — it was a total coincidence — but then, I don’t ordinarily subscribe to coincidences. Today, the card is Temperance… not a card I usually like since I am an action-oriented person (waiting? patience? never!!!) But here is what it said:
Metal, forging, fire? Okay, THAT I can groove with, and it totally makes sense.
I used to do historical re-enactment (while on a break from doing theatre — side note: this was the biggest mistake I ever made!). At events, I would watch the blacksmiths making swords and helms. They spent all day and night building the fire, stoking the fire, firing the metal, plunging it into water, then shaping it with a hammer or mallet into what would be a sword or dirk, rounding the helm, molding the bosses and other decorative elements that would be welded on. Then the metal would go back into the fire again to start the process over, which would be repeated until the sword or helm was strong enough to handle a blow and not break — yield or bend, perhaps, but not break. (On Japanese swords, you can actually see the waves of layers of the forging and shaping process.)
Then they use various tools to refine and polish the metal, such as chisels (on the decorative bits & sharp edges), buffers to smooth and shine, etc. It reminded me of the old story of when Michelangelo was asked how he created the famous David statue, his purported reply was, “I chipped away all the bits that weren’t David.”
Creating these tools is a process. Creating art is a process. I am a process. Becoming multi-orgasmic is a process. Achieving cosmic orgasms is a process. This reminds me to let go of the mind noise (even when I’m stressed) and chasing the bliss (especially when I’m frustrated), and just chip away at all the bits that aren’t conducive to orgasms by allowing them to be recognized and released and enjoy all the amazing experiences Tantra, KSMO, and Kundalini are triggering.
I will focus on tempering my fire, allowing the forging of new orgasmic pathways within me. That is my homework.
Aroused and stoking the fire,
(Read Part 1)
And for a quick follow-up to the female prostate discussion… I came across another thread on the KSMO forum, and one of the Adepts mentioned he wasn’t sure if women experienced the same feelings of prostate arousal during sex/lead-up to orgasm. So I’m re-posting here because I’d love to read what other chix have experienced with their female prostate — or what you guys have been told your female partners experiences.
YES!, a woman who knows the feeling of her female prostate CAN feel wonderful feelings through deep breathing. By “deep breathing,” I mean using yogic ujjayi breathing which is an abs & ribs-centric breathing method (lower and middle abdominal muscles as well as exterior and interior intercostal muscles at the ribcage).
To do ujjayi breathing properly, you should feel as if you’re expanding your abdomen out while breathing in, bringing the air all the way down to the pelvic diaphragm. If a woman has enough body awareness through yoga, dance, maybe even Pilates, and plain ol’ self-exploration, she CAN feel the expansive nature of her prostate when it is aroused or in the beginning phase of arousal.
On a side note, breathing can actually intensify (!!!) the feelings occurring in the female prostate. There is a pain / pleasure aspect of this arousal that takes a little getting used to, but once you do, it’s addictive (i.e., ALL pleasure!), and you just want more and more and more. Big belly breaths trigger the prostate’s intense waves of arousal, and slower, more shallow (less belly) breathing can tame the female prostate’s arousal.
I figured out long ago that taking three deep belly breaths just before orgasm intensified my orgasm immensely — oxygen is great for orgasms! Adding my aroused prostate and purposeful, aware breathing throughout the arousal process to the mix is a guarantee of stellar orgasms in my bliss repertoire nowadays.
Aroused and breathing,
I think I’ve realized a few things I can work on to make my experiences with the KSMO approach better…
1. Love my moan. Reading a chat of 7 Adepts talking about their experiences with KSMO, the lone female mentioned that once she started loving her moan, the feelings intensified. I know I think too much about the sound I’m making — that’s my singer training wanting to analyze what I’m doing and feeling. I also noticed the last time I had a solo sex session that I was holding my sound in — I was breathing, but not making sound.
I was never a “screamer” before KSMO — ’cause that’s bad for the voice and all (and I guess the sex wasn’t good enough for me to have anything to scream about). But I remembered a voice mentor once saying in regard to glottal stops (the hard, hit sound of some words that start with vowels, or when you stub your toe, and you have a sudden exclamation/belly crunch sound of “OH!”), that if the voice weren’t supposed to do it, it wouldn’t, but it can, so it can’t be all bad. I was holding my sound in because I was worried about the neighbors hearing. I have started doing my solo sessions during the day when none of them is home and I can be as loud as I want, but this time was late at night and so I was self-conscious. The O was fabulous, though.
So I will try not to be self-conscious even when the neighbors ARE home at night time because I really started enjoying the sounds I’ve been making on the way to the big O’s and afterward with the smaller O’s. At first, I thought the sounds were a little cheezy, but then I realized I was being judgmental.
Sometimes the sounds are low and rich, or quick and panting, but other times, my arousal sounds are soft, higher-pitched moanings. And the sound I’ve grown accustomed to emitting just as orgasm starts and through the orgasms is a straight-up I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!!!! kind of scream / howl that I actually think is kinda groovy. (Hope my neighbors dig it.)
I’ve even noticed that during the height of orgasm, my eyes fly open — which is totally weird! It’s almost like some part of me wants to see what I look like during such an incredible orgasm. (Remind me to hang a mirror over my bed.)
2. Schedule my KSMO & solo sex sessions. I really have to plan for my sexual explorations, otherwise it can be a week or more in between, and I can feel the progress I’ve made start to slip away. Or I don’t feel I’m progressing to the energy orgasms & feelings as described here by other adepts. I need to work more on moving energy around, but maybe because I’m self-conscious of my sound (either my own judgment of it or the fear of disturbing neighbors at night time) creates an energy block? After all, the whole point of the key sound is to integrate breathing / sound with arousal to achieve the legendary multiple orgasms.
3. Relax more. From the ambiance of the room, to just being comfortable, to knowing I have the time it will take to do the 20-minute protocol as well as lay around to experience / feel any after effects — all of this makes the session satisfying for me. Taking shortcuts on any of these seems to affect my KSMO experience… ugh…
And of course, I can’t get back on my real KSMO schedule till after the New Year, but I’m reading and absorbing info and enjoying echoes (and maybe some KSMO in the wee hours of the morning when everyone else is asleep!) till Grandfather Time turns the clock forward.
*** Read Part 2. ***
Aroused and moaning,
(*In response to a man’s question regarding my practice vs. the KSMO protocol. He wanted to know if I’d thought of waiting a day in between sessions to have regular orgasm sessions. He also queried my reason for pursuing KSMO since I seem to be so orgasmic. He then mentioned that women who use KSMO report intense orgasms with minimal stimulation.*)
In regard to waiting a day in between (as the KSMO protocol says), yes, I considered it, then decided to go for a fabulous orgasm instead. I am in an experimental time. While I want the grandest of magickal O’s that my body is capable of, I am enjoying the journey and learning about myself / my self in the process. Maybe I’ll take the day off today, KSMO tomorrow, then have a solo session, and see what the Orgasm Faery brings.
And yes, I have delicious orgasms now, but this wasn’t always so. Men only seem to notice the orgasms women have or talk about (or lie about in Cosmo or Penthouse Forum). But women tend to hide the journey they had to travel to get there — to be able to orgasm at all, much less with a partner, much less have multiple orgasms. I think this leads to a more important topic which is, “What exactly is the DEFINITION of ORGASM?” It seems everyone has his or her own definition, and medical definitions tend to be clinical and sterile with no hint at the emotional side of orgasm or the bliss that is possible. (Which is typical since “Western medicine” was founded by men.)
I started masturbating when I was 15, and while I liked the arousal (build up of tension) and lead-up to the orgasm (sudden release of tension, localized to the clitoris), I was left with that classic disappointment of “Is that it? What the hell is all the fuss about?” And yet, I kept coming back for more, each time hoping that the ecstatic bliss portrayed in romantic movies and romance novels was just over the horizon, if only I could stimulate harder, faster, longer, it could be mine, too.
I truly wish I’d had a women’s circle to belong to, to learn from — to learn how to cherish my female body and female sexuality in a healthy, safe, trusted environment. Every female should admire and explore her body in front of a big mirror and appreciate her self for the amazing gift that it is. Likewise, every (straight / bisexual) man should learn to give yoni massage and offer yoni puja on a regular basis.)
I found my G-spot / She Spot in 2001 or 2002-ish, and that made a huge difference because vaginal orgasms are like hot waves that wash over the whole body, rocking you back and forth as they crash against an unseen shore before another wave pushes forth. The She Spot is part of the female prostate, and at the time, I had no idea what was in store for me once I awakened my prostate — that’s another story in itself!
A clitoral orgasm only took 2 minutes to achieve which was great for getting to sleep really fast at night, but the clitoral orgasm was localized to the clit and generally unrewarding (not anymore, though). At the time, a She Spot-only orgasm needed an hour to an hour-and-a-half of constant, consistent stimulation to achieve the full-body waves (sans explosive tension release) orgasm. This was exhausting, and without the explosion, unfulfilling, so ultimately, She Spot orgasms were more frustrating than anything else. (They were also emotional, whereas clitoral O’s usually are not.)
I was looking for something that could get me great orgasms with less work. Along the way, I began doing simultaneous stimulation of my clit & G-spot which would bring a pretty nice blended orgasm in about 10-20 minutes… but only one. I wanted LOTS. (For the record, I’ve got my time down to about 6 minutes, and the multiple orgasms that occur are outstanding… jus’ sayin’…)
I was molested as a child and raped as an adult, so being able to orgasm at all is a truly great accomplishment. And thankfully, I have little to no mind fuzz because of it. Anger? Of course. But that isn’t productive, so I choose to stay in good energy. I was also in a very bad marriage for 13 years that was absolutely unsatisfying for me sexually. In fact, when I did want to participate, he got defensive, accused me of not liking what he was doing — so unless I was on top or giving him a blow-job, I was on my back, just there for him to do whatever he was doing till he came and (thankfully) rolled off me. Don’t bother asking why I stayed. Let’s just say, at the time, I couldn’t afford to leave. I’m happy to report I have been a single mom for a year and a half, making it on my own — thankya, thankya, vurry much!
I’ve worked very hard to be a fully sexual woman, so I don’t take any orgasm, “small” or “meteoric” for granted. I appreciate them all.
I’m in tune with myself because I have a long-held activist streak, especially for women and women’s rights, and with that comes pride and the freedom to be a sexual being. I’ve done years of work on myself to be at the point where I can have sex for no reason other than wanting to feel pleasure, i.e., not to please a man, make him feel better about himself, not to keep a man, or use sex to pretend I’m being loved. It just so happens that at this point in my life, I want sex with emotion, i.e., to make love, not a casual hook-up with a carnal fuck. (Sorry, feminazis.)
I loved learning Tantra positions and philosophies, but its focus is on partner work. KSMO was the next step in my journey because I don’t have a partner right now, and KSMO is a solo practice. But I didn’t expect the male jealousy and animosity toward women that cropped up repeatedly.
Sometimes, while reading the KSMO Forum, it almost makes me feel like I should apologize that, as a woman, I don’t have to overcome ejaculation or erection control, which is what brings most guys to KSMO. Learning to female ejaculate is one PRIME reason I wanted to explore my body even more — to experience female ejaculation, which I have in low doses, but I want the full-out geyser experience. So on this topic, I think we might always be Mars vs. Venus. And yet, if I do apologize for not having to deal with erection / penis issues, then I’m apologizing for being female, which I absolutely will not do.
So when the guys start getting a jealous streak because they think women are getting a “free pass” in the orgasm department, they need to read the research statistics and know that women have as much mental, emotional, psychological, and physical crap to deal with as men. Just because my erectile tissue is mostly inside my body doesn’t mean I don’t need to learn how to “control” it. After all, how do you control something you CAN’T see?! (A lot of inner work and genital yoga, that’s how!) And since the medical establishment is STILL making discoveries about women’s anatomy and sexual responses, I will continue to enjoy learning as I go.
Anyone who’s done KSMO even half-assed (and that’s not an Aneros joke) knows that KSMO, Tao, Kundalini, Tantra, and other energy / sound-based protocols are about much more than orgasm. You wind up dealing with things you thought you’d buried and hidden so well from the world. You built really great walls so no one would know. Then you get the Fu Dogs, Terrors, and Mind Fuzz breaking down your walls from the INSIDE, and you have nowhere to run.
I took 4 years off from KSMO because I needed to set my Fu Dogs straight. I’ve spent years working on my own crap. In fact, one of the things that confuses me the most is seeing posts (from guys) on the KSMO Forum who talk about all the mind noise they have and the issues that come up, but think the problem is KSMO. Any energy / sound-based protocol done correctly purges the subconscious self of the ingrained, entrained, brainwashing crap of society, religion, media, previous relationships, et al. But they fail to see that. I didn’t want to take 4 years off from my orgasm schooling, but I felt that was what I needed to do.
Right now, I am more interested in the journey to the orgasm. And I see the journey and the orgasm as a meditation. I don’t think you can do KSMO, or Tao, or Kundalini, or Tantra correctly and not learn about yourself while learning about your body’s ability to awaken to orgasm. I know the higher level energy field of orgasm exists — the cosmic orgasm, and that’s what I want to conjure at will. I read the KSMO adepts talking about the energy as it moves within their body, and in KSMO orgasms, they float in that energy field. I’ve been there in my astral dreams, but I want to be able to go there any time I desire it.
I just did an interview on my radio show, Musical Theatre Talk, with a master voice teacher who uses healing energy on and for singers. Hearing her talk about raising, moving, and using energy for the purposes of singing and performing suddenly made a lot of sense to me re: KSMO, Chi, the Chakras, Kundalini serpent unspiraling, the raising / moving of energy the Adepts talk about. I guess I just needed it in a language I understand — singer-ese.
The orgasms I’ve experienced since starting back with KSMO a couple months ago are nothing short of soul-stirring. Even if the journey up to orgasm seems regular sometimes, the last part of the ride is not, and the intensity of my orgasms is beyond anything I’ve experienced prior to KSMO… and yet, I know there is more to explore — such as female ejaculation and further anal play, just to name a couple items on my to-do list.
And so I’m here. I’m orgasmic. I’m vocal. I’m unapologetic.
Just following Jack’s advice on sensual touching has given me a new appreciation of my breasts (which I always hated) and even my body’s ability to respond to touch.
And thank you, for being brave enough to ask me point-blank questions, and knowing (I hope!) that nothing I wrote is directed at you personally or energetically…. I’m just Irish that way.
Aroused and vocal,
The myths about female orgasm, particularly female multiple orgasms, have been perpetuated in modern culture with the rise of easily accessible porn. Separating the real O’s from the fake is not an easy task. What we need is more honest conversation about orgasm, how we reach it, why we want, and what we want out of it.
I saw the following on the “I Love Female Orgasm” website and just had to share. (Wonder if they’ll let me have a speaking gig? Hmmm…)
- Average length of time it takes a woman to have an
orgasm: 20 minutes. Average length of time it takes a man: 2-5 minutes.
- Half of girls have had an orgasm by the time they’re 16 years old.
- 44% of men say their female partners always have orgasms when they have sex. Whereas, 22% of women say they always have orgasms when they have sex. (Note: Can we say “contradiction”?!)
- About 1% of women are able to achieve orgasm solely through breast
- 63% of college women say they’ve had multiple orgasms.
I do think younger women have more information about female anatomy and sex positions than their mothers did, so I’m not surprised to see so many college women have had multiple orgasms. And considering most of them grew up post-Clinton sex scandal, they grew up hearing the words “oral sex” on the evening news. But the statistic doesn’t say during partnered sex. Even as late as 2002, studies report 75% of women have never orgasmed during partnered sex — I am one of those.
I also find it interesting to note the disparity between what men report of their partners’ orgasms and what the women report. Either the women are faking orgasms, then lying about having one, or the men are too clueless to tell a real orgasm from a When-Harry-Met-Sally spectacle. If only 44% of men say their partner has orgasmed during sex, then 56% of men either don’t know how to bring their female partner to orgasm or they’ve watched too much porn and don’t know a real orgasm when they see it. But don’t worry, guys. That’s why I’m here.
For the 1% of women who orgasm through breast stimulation alone, YAY! I’m finally in the 1% — in the rest of my life, I’m still in the 99% (yes, that’s an Occupy Wall Street reference).
I just thought this info was apropos to the discussions we’ve been having of late.
Aroused and counting,