Arts, Activism, Awakening in Mind, Body, & Spirit

AskTrish: Man with Small Penis Wonders If He Can Fully Satisfy a Woman


Dear trish,

I was born in a Muslim family and had circumcision at an early age, and I think the doctor messed up or something cause I have a really small penis.  The question is — does size actually matter to fully satisfy a woman?  My gal and I have been having sex, enjoying various positions.  She says she is happy and she actually does have an orgasm most times. She also does all she can to pleasure me to the highest during foreplay and even sometimes taking control of the sex.  But, since I’m on the smaller side I want to know does size matter cos my gal hasn’t had any other partners so she doesn’t know the difference.  We are happy together, but this is a matter of curiosity and maybe to help my gal explore something better.

Anonymous, in Mangalore, India

Dear Anonymous,

Penis size is an issue that is debated in the neuroses of men, but not so much for women, in my opinion.  You actually have several issues going on here, but allow me to address circumcision first.

Routine infant male circumcision and any female circumcision is not medically necessary and should be considered sexual assault, especially since the child cannot give informed consent to the procedure.  In males, circumcision can damage the penis head as well as the shaft, not just the foreskin.  So there may be a chance that the length of your penis has been “shortened” due to a botched circumcision that left the skin too tight.  Also, some reports say infant circumcision is responsible for 60% of erectile dysfunction in adult men.  Not to get on my anti-circ soapboax, but there are methods of foreskin restoration that might help loosen the skin of the penis so that your erections might become “fuller.”

You sound young to me, perhaps in your early 20’s, and since your girlfriend has not been with anyone else, I’ll assume she is also in that age range.  The fact that she orgasms at all during penetrative sex means you’re doing something right!  Female orgasm statistics consistently show that 70% of all women have never orgasmed during penetrative sex, with that percentage being lower for women in their 20’s.  The best way to make sure your woman orgasms is to be well-versed in female sexual anatomy.  There’s more to our genitals than just the clit or the G-spot, and so many more kinds of orgasms than just clitoral or vaginal.  (Just as there are more kinds of male orgasm than just penile/ejaculatory.)

Your concern over the size of your penis — when clearly, you’re doing just fine in the bedroom — may be a result of culture and media influence. What porn and media don’t explain is that the average length of the vagina for all women, regardless of height, build, ethnicity, or childbirth, is 3 to 4 inches.  When fully aroused, the vagina can expand in length by 50% and widens at the top, so the maximum length of the vagina is around 6 inches.

As a woman, I can testify that a penis that is too long (9-inches+) can hurt!  So being on the ” short” side (5-inches or less) when fully aroused is not a bad thing.  Remember, the vagina will only be about 6 inches when fully aroused.  You just have to know what positions work best for a smaller penis, such as woman-on-top.  If I had to choose a penis size, I’d go for a fat, thick penis over a long penis any day of the week.  But since penis size isn’t something I consider when choosing a sex partner, I suppose it doesn’t really matter.

Please note, however, that in order for a woman to be truly aroused and ready for sex, she needs at least 20 minutes of “foreplay” so that her own erectile tissues can begin to fill with blood as well.  This 20 to 30 minutes of arousal-play  also allows the woman’s mind to shift from mundane issues to relaxing into a sexual mode.

As for satisfying a woman fully, regardless of penis size, I’m assuming you have fingers, a mouth, a tongue, even a big toe, all of which can be used in the physical side of sexually satisfying a woman.  However, a woman’s most important sexual organ is her mind, that non-physical field that exists in the ether around the physical cranium.  Start with her mind, then engage her body, beginning with her skin, and her breasts (if she likes breast stimulation), and sensual massage.  Allowing the woman to relax into the moment is the most important step to help a woman orgasm.

Since you say she has orgasms “most” of the time, I’m assuming you have an orgasm every  time.  The activist part of me says the sex should not be over unless both  partners have at least one orgasm.  The horny woman part of me wonders why are you even entering her vagina with your penis if you haven’t already eaten her to a few orgasms with your mouth on her genitals?!  Oral sex on the woman is an almost guaranteed orgasm technique — your mouth sucking her clit and labia with a finger or two in the vagina and/or anus drives most women to passionate madness.

***As a shameless plug, I’m in the process of developing my own orgasm training method, so be sure to check back here for updates on when it’s ready.***

Experiment with positions and techniques that you both find interesting and arousing, and just enjoy the discovery of your own bodies and your sexual preferences.  Communication should be the foundation of your relationship anyway.  Keep in mind, that sex is supposed to be enjoyable and fulfilling, not a competition or a race.  Relax, experiment, discover.  If you love the journey, the destination is bound to be wonderful.

trish

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4 responses

  1. Just as women are “brainwashed” as to what makes the perfect body from advertising to porn, so to are men, be they straight, gay or bi and from the same avenues as mentioned for women.

    As the old saying goes “it’s not the size of the wave but the motion in the ocean” is what men need to remember.

    Okay so there are I’m sure “size queens” in the world of women just as there are with gay and bi-men, but what always made me (of average size) a successful lover regardless of sexual orientation (straight, gay, bi or transwoman) of those I was having sex with at the time was to put them first and my self second.

    Learning a woman’s body and where the pleasure points are and what “to use” are more important than how you size up to the occassion. I stopped comparing my penis size to others in the lockerroom and worrying about it in 7th grade.

    I’ve learned over these many years by taking care of her/him first, when it does come around to my turn, those fireworks you often hear about when women achieve the ultimate climax, go as high if not higher and often with encore curtain calls.

    For men the need to know their own body is as important as knowing your current partner’s … then you’ll be able to experiance and know the difference between orgasm and ejaculation. And I’ll guarantee you’ll experiance “pleasure” as you’ve never experianced it before.

    We put enough pressures on ourselves in day to day life, the last place we need to have that pressure follow is into the bedroom (or whereever you “do it”).

    So relax, enjoy and take care of your lover first, the rewards for yourself can be endless.

    And definitely worth an “oh my God” cigarette afterward.

    PS : … and don’t be afraid to have fun during sex (don’t make it work) .. it can be a great icebreaker with new lovers .. you’ll be laughing and giggling together not at one another.

    October 19, 2012 at 11:46 am

    • ON A SIDE NOTE to the previous comment: Smoking is very bad for the person smoking and even more so for the people who wind up breathing the poisonous gases created by the burning cigarette. ArousedWoman(TM) nor I condone smoking in any way.

      trish

      October 19, 2012 at 11:52 am

  2. Good response, Trish. I have never heard a woman complain that a man’s penis is too small, but I have heard them complain about them being too big. I also liked what you said about the importance of satisfying a woman orally. I don’t know why many men are squeamish about it or don’t put heart & soul into it when they do it. I think it’s sexy as hell! I sometimes think that many of these men are insecure and think that if they are in the position of giving to a woman sexually, then they have somehow lost control. Bad sex often results from fragile and inflexible egos.

    October 19, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    • Thanks!

      Actually, I think I know why some men are hesitant to go “Down Under.” But I’m saving that for another post. :-)

      t

      October 19, 2012 at 8:09 pm

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