With the success of my AskTrish series, I have been inundated with questions by people seeking personal help with their individual situations regarding sex, masturbation, healing from sexual trauma, and relationships.
I’ve been receiving so many questions on general topics and specific scenarios, I’m having trouble keeping up with them on top of my paying writing gigs! This is a great problem to have — it means you all love and respect my perspective, which warms my heart immensely. However, some querents have been less than gracious and even rude — one man asked a question via Twitter, then moments later told me to get back to him “soon, today” — like I’m a trained dog? Or like he had me on a paid retainer, or something?!
To alleviate this, I am still doing the AskTrish series, but on a schedule that suits my timetable. I am aiming for two to four posts per month.
To handle the overflow of questions, I am now offering personal consultations because I know for a fact just reading the AW Blog has helped many people. I like answering people’s questions over Twitter, but these Twitter convos have been taking hours… literally! I don’t teach voice lessons for free or write theatre articles for free, nor can I offer in-depth training for free (hey, I’m a single mom with a kid to feed). So please ask me a question via Twitter, but if it gets too involved, I will tell you to go for a Consult.
Personal consultations allow me to focus only on you and your particular situation and offer you specific techniques just for you. Use the email form on the AW Consult page to get the ball rolling. If I feel I cannot help you, I will tell you exactly that. I will not hold a consult if I don’t know I can help you.
The Consult can be held over the phone or via Skype (no video at this time). Personal orgasm training is also available, just use the Consult form to inquire. For more info, visit the AW Consult page.
And be on the look-out for more posts today on the up-cumming features of ArousedWomanTM!
I went to bed late last night — actually, early this morning. It was after 2:30 a.m. that I finally stopped replying to tweets, took my shower, and got in bed (and replied to some more tweets). I allowed myself the late night because this morning would be Saturday, and Saturday mornings are my SASO’s and blended O’s time.
I was doing my hands-on blended O stimulation, and everything felt wonderful. I didn’t try thinking about Mr. Dream Man, I just focused on my body — the amazing sensations of the arousal, the shaking of my legs, the zinging energy, the heat raising up, my whole body really coming alive after a full night of rest and a long time of spontaneous O’s, nipple-gasms, and gentle clit-gasms just moments before. Truly wonderful.
Then I reached a certain point of arousal where I seemed to have slipped into neutral. I wasn’t progressing toward climax, nor was I regressing to less arousal. I was… stuck… in neutral gear…
I had marked the time when I started since I’d noticed hands-on blended O’s had started taking a while to experience, sometimes 30 minutes or longer. Now being stuck in neutral, trying to avoid conscientious time-noting, ego-driven minutes-counting, I was growing frustrated. The mind noise began. Should I just stop? (Too horrible to contemplate.) Should I try some fantasy? (Tried. Failed.) How long before I’m just totally ego-driving this process? (I really want to experience the yummy blended orgasms.) Does that guy outside really have to use a leaf blower in the middle of the day? Can’t he just use a push-broom or a rake on those leaves? Jeez….
Being “stuck” in neutral gave me a unique vantage point to observe my body — the changes through the arousal process, the jolts of energy still zinging up my legs, my glutes clenching, my hips rhythmically raising and lowering on the bed. And perhaps best of all, I was incredibly wet! My previous fears that my body was experiencing hormonal changes that were affecting my vaginal fluid production were allayed, thanks in no small part to my resumed regimen of chia seeds, fish oil, dark chocolate, and lots of water. I was ecstatically happy about the incredible amount of juices covering my vulva and upper thighs.
I must have been stuck in neutral for 10 minutes or longer. My attention kept being drawn to my left hand, the one working my prostate, feeling my hand sliding around on the vaginal and prostate fluids. My wonder at the physical process occurring sparked a thought… This extended, consistent stimulation of my clit and prostate is one of the hallmarks of arousal that brings about female ejaculation. I thought on that another few seconds. If I kept doing exactly this — this left-hand pressure and thrusting on my prostate, this right hand stim of my clit, my wetness, my clenching — I was bound to finally achieve true female ejaculation! How awesome would that be?!
The moment I had that thought, I could feel my inner clit squeezing like a vice-grip as its blood-filled erectile tissue expanded inward against my vaginal walls. I knew that feeling was the first cue of impending multiple orgasms. Except now, I wasn’t ready to orgasm! I wanted to feel this ejaculation cruise control! But I didn’t have any towels, and with the colder weather, I had my duvet on me and didn’t want to soak it. So I resolved myself to probably not ejaculating in one gush at that time — I was satisfied with the rhythmic release of fluid throughout the session.
When the orgasms began, I was mystified by their intensity and power. That “neutral” gear had served a purpose! It did something to my body — whether it was solely physical or a mind-body combo — that laid a foundation for the orgasms that literally rocked my world in that moment… for many moments… My whole body was involved in this process — I crunched forward repeatedly, my knees were up, my hips were rocking up toward my hands. I kept rolling over to my left side, my legs started kicking. I was making all sorts of weird moans — some lower pitched, some higher, all wild woman.
After I couldn’t use my hands anymore — my arms flew up over my head — my hips and legs were still going. Without the need for keeping my hands where they were, I rolled back and forth, my back arched, my nipples brushed back and forth against the sheet spurring the nipple-gasms and more back-arching. I felt the insane throbbing in my labia, my vagina, perineum, anus, energy zaps up and down my legs, all of it signaling an array of delicious orgasms, both body-centric and energy-induced.
As I lay in bed, still somewhat panting from the orgasms, I noticed a strange sensation in my left hand. Energy was zinging up my fingers, up my hand, and into my arm. Usually energy comes up my legs or out my left foot (at the ball of my foot). This was different. It felt as if my fingers were plugged into an electrical outlet and electrical energy was shooting up my fingers and up my arm to my neck, scalp, and face. Then I noticed I felt a similar electricity/energy up my right hand and arm.
All in all, this session from start to the end of the orgasms (that I was able to hand stimulate) was 21 minutes. Absolutely 21 minutes of incredible bliss — and so worth that neutral gear interlude in the middle. Like a symphony, the “lull” in the middle just laid the groundwork for the crescendo of the last movement, building up to the fireworks at the end.
I laid there, stunned by the awesome power of the experience. I can only hope that if I again experience that “lull” of neutral gear, I’ll remember this experience and know even that down-swing of the cycle has a purpose. I’m not broken, my practice is going fine. And I’m grateful for this experience to amaze in wonder at my body, the rising levels of orgasms possible, and the necessary ebb and flow of the arousal process.
Aroused and cruisin’,
The past few weeks, I have had issues with blended O’s — the few times I’ve done them (right hand on my clit, left hand stimulating my prostate), it’s either taken a long time — 30 minutes, or I’ve given up and gone for my purple silicone buddy, Sparkles.
Mainly, I’ve noticed that I’ve become ambivalent about using Sparkles when my spontaneous orgasms keep me happy all day and my stealth nipplegasms, subtle (one-finger barely moving) clitgasms — even labia-gasms! — are so fulfilling orgasmically that I don’t feel the need for penetration (at the time)… (It’s the rest of my waking hours that I’m horny as all get-out and want something that’s wide and hard inside me!)
I have also noticed that when I go for a length of time without doing the blended orgasms (both hands stimulating), it takes longer to bring myself to orgasm when I get back in to it. It’s as if I have to stay in practice with it the way a pianist has to stay in practice with the piano to keep up his technique, or the training starts to drain out of the muscle memory. For these body-centric orgasms, it’s not just my fingers and wrists that have to stay limber to bring about orgasm — my entire body has to “train” for orgasms since they are full-body experiences, especially in the abdominal area, my legs, and glutes.
I’ve been adjusting to the integration of the non-explosion clitoral part of my blended orgasm. It’s just weird to not feel it. But these new orgasms are amazing. Instead of feeling that hot explosion at one very centralized point (the head of the clit), the orgasms feel like a huge, powerful wave crashing against the coastline of my genitals, and I am thunderstruck by their intensity. With Sparkles, the blended O is very similar, yet even more powerful because of the added sensation of being penetrated and having it stimulate my A-Spot and cervix as well.
During the hands-on stim, I love feeling the changes to my prostate. She is just awesome! I’ve even discovered a few new spots within my prostate! I’m learning their signals, what it means orgasmically when I start to feel them emerging from the rougher texture of my aroused prostate. One of these spots is toward the left, the other two are toward the sides of the prostate (which is very important to stimulate as well!), along with my already discovered She Spot.
What’s been interesting to me has been my legs. A few minutes in to each hands-on session, my legs start shaking wildly, uncontrollably. I feel my glutes clenching and unclenching. My hips are rocking, reaching up repeatedly in their own rhythm. And here is where the problem begins…
Since I’ve got the physical part of the stimulation down, I’ve been trying to enjoy some fantasy time in my mind during arousal. Usually, I try to picture my Dream Man being the one to do all this stimulation (which would be much easier on my wrists if he were!). But I’m so in awe of the changes in, on, through my body that my mind doesn’t want to leave all this awareness of my body’s process to climax. As soon as I try picturing Mr. Dream Man, I lose some of the arousal (slightly). For some reason, I’m not interested in thinking of women… so that’s another issue to deal with another day…
I don’t do “fantasy” — as in made-up time, place, setting. And I know instinctively that it would not work for me, so no, I won’t try.
Between the extended time to orgasm via hands-on stim, not craving penetrative Sparkles sex, and loving my body’s changes more than I lust after my Dream Man, I know I’m at a crossroads. Don’t know what’s around the corner, but I’m taking a peek and will meet it head-on… and hands on. :-)
Aroused and feeling,
The story of 31 year-old dentist Savita Halappanavar dying in an Irish Catholic hospital is infuriating women and men around the world. She died from a miscarriage because the Catholic hospital officials refused to terminate the pregnancy… because Ireland is a “Catholic country.”
This is just one woman in one country who has lost her life because of medical, governmental, and religious systems that deny a woman’s basic human right to choose what happens to her body — even when her life is at stake and the doctors acknowledged the fetus would not survive anyway.
What happened to Savita’s rights to body integrity? What happened to the doctors’ oaths to care for their patient?
And when will Ireland realize that the death-grip the Catholic Church has on it has done much more harm than it ever did any good?
Comments? Want to share your irate disbelief? Share you opinion and what we can do to stop the deaths of women in this misogynist world. For in depth discussion with other like-minded folks, get a profile onthe AW Forum and comment here.
Wake up people, and let’s END THE MISOGYNY!
* This post is a follow-up to AskTrish: Man With Large Penis Worries About Causing Girlfriend Pain During Sex.*
My girlfriend, and I are now separated. I am failing at figuring women out. I have been trying to meet women. However, two women I know — by a friend we share in common — have been pretty blunt about wanting to sleep with me as a result of gossip. They just heard from a long-time ex when I dated her that I was well… you know. I would rather stay away. I don’t want this as I would rather see something more serious. I turn 29 in February. I don’t really enjoy meaningless sex unless it’s with someone I know and trust. I don’t trust someone who comes up and says something like that. So what are my options?
Women are complex. Most women aren’t easy to get to know because they’ve been taught to play games. But I think your instincts are spot on!
It’s heartening to me that a man as young as you would want a serious relationship and not just sex. However, if you’re looking to date women younger than yourself, you’re likely to find immature women who will treat you (and your penis) like a side show spectacle at the circus.
As for the gossip, you’ll probably get that wherever you go with your circle of friends, especially if you see your exes a lot. Here is where dating can be problematic for you. Younger women may be “sowing their wild oats” (that society takes for granted with young men), while women your age or slightly older might be looking for men to have kids with. And you’re stuck in the middle — wanting a meaningful relationship but not ready for kids.
Women in their early 20′s often play out their princess-daddy’s-girl bullshit in relationships with men. Men in their early 20′s treat relationships as status symbols and easy-access sex. Women in their late 20′s have begun to taste life on their own — out of college, in the work force, paying their way, usually putting career first. By the time women hit their 30′s, many women feel the desire to start a family. Men may not feel this until their mid- to late 30′s or even their 40′s. Between the games people play in relationships and the different goals people set for themselves, it’s a wonder two people ever find a happy, healthy relationship!
As for your comment, “I don’t enjoy meaningless sex unless it’s with someone I know and trust.” I think you should re-adjust your notion of “meaningless” sex. If you’re having sex with a friend for the sake of having sex (i.e., an enjoyable time with someone you know and trust), that is not “meaningless.” Sharing a beautiful sexual experience with another human being has value, even if you’re not “in love” with that person. “In love” is a chemical reaction in the brain due to the transference of pheromones and other body chemicals between two people. At some point in your life, you may have experienced that loss of “in love” once your brain is immune to the chemical stimuli of her body’s biology, and vice versa. The ennui of “in love” can fade quickly, and you’re left wondering, “What now?”
Loving and appreciating another human being does not have to come with a prison sentence and the “strings attached” that we’re used to. From my perspective, sharing a wonderful, orgasmic experience with another person adds value to my life and hopefully to the other person’s. I’ve done a lot of work on myself in the past couple of years, and I know what orgasm is supposed to be — it is a way to connect to the universal energy, to experience bliss in no other way we can in this meat-suit body.
As I look ahead to my divorce being finalized, I’ve been scoping out men I know and trust — to not hurt me, not have diseases, have had a vasectomy. As I told the man who will probably be my first post-divorce sexual experience, “I might say ‘I love you’ during sex. Don’t worry. I don’t want commitment. It just means I love you a a human being. Because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be having sex with you anyway… and I’ll probably cry… a lot… I do when the orgasms are really good.” I couldn’t share that with a man I didn’t trust, even though he and I are not “in love.”
N., I would say you have two options: Go through with the “meaningless” sex/relationships to satisfy your manly, physical needs, but you may feel as if your heart and soul are suffering with the purely physical encounters. The other option is to go celibate until the universe decides it is time for you to meet your dream woman. You can’t make the younger women more mature, nor can you make the right woman appear in your life before it is time for your paths to cross.
In fact, I highly recommend you go for Option 2. Spend time working on yourself so that you are the right person when the time is right for you to meet your right partner.
If you go for Option 1, find yourself a “cougar.” There must be a way to meet women in your area who are over the age of 38-ish, are done having kids, and have divorced their asshole husband (who’s probably currently having a mid-life crisis of his own). Most cougars want the orgasms they didn’t get in marriage and crave adventurous sex sans procreation.
By the way, if you’re hanging out in bars for women, that’s your first mistake. Stay out of the bars. :-) And if your circle of friends keeps bringing this heartache, get a new circle of friends.
Since you’re looking for a relationship that improves you as a human being, look for similarly-minded women in places that also reflect they are looking to improve themselves as human beings. Attend a yoga class, join a hiking club, sit in on a reading at a local (erotic) bookshop.
You never know where or when Miss Right will show up.
* For phone consultations, email trish via the AW website. *