A reader of my blog in England has written in with a great question about how to stop his addiction to porn and how to stop ejaculating. He also has a keen interest in Tantra and wants to know how to grow his experience in a sensual, loving way and ditch porn for good.
Here’s the missive he sent me:
Hi Trish, and thank you for your amazing work.
I’m a married man in my late twenties, and I suspect I have a very strong sex drive. Unfortunately, I developed an addiction to porn, probably due to a lack of sexual guidance and education.
I have been looking into tantra for a long time, but until now, this practice hasn’t been going much further than buying books. I just can’t seem to be able not to ejaculate, as if without it, all the tension in my mind and body can’t be channeled; and I keep going back to porn.
What is the best way to start developing a healthy sexuality and not misusing my sexual energy, and what can I do to stop my porn addiction? With a computer around it seems way to difficult to stop, but at the same time, [the] internet opens me to information like your work that helps [in] dealing with my issue.
How can I find a trustworthy tantric master in my area (England) who will guide me in this process?
Such a great topic! And I do my best to answer his questions in my latest video. So be sure to check it out. And leave a comment below to share your own journey with expansion and positive sexuality.
I woke up this morning and saw a friend’s post in my Facebook feed, talking about the pain her son was in after his circumcision. I had given her so much information on the myths and lies of circumcision, but apparently, it didn’t do any good.
I failed as an activist, and I feel so badly for the boy and what he’s going through. Americans still believe the lies and prejudices of the pro-circ camp, all to the detriment of the males who have to live with their bodies being violated.
I seriously don’t know what to do or where I went wrong. With all the factual information on the functions of the foreskin and the dangers and long-term effects of circumcision I gave her, I know I covered all the bases. And I did it all calmly.
So now, I’m left with the question, “What else could I have done?”
Today was the second day in a row that I did my practice. I did it once last week, and the results were noticeable from the immediate after-play as well as the 4 a.m. session later that night … and the next night. My body has not forgotten.
Of course, I knew this. I can still spend hours having my nipple-orgasms and SASO clit orgasms. But I have not been on a regular practice of training my body for orgasms in well over a year-and-a-half. Dealing with various issues — running for Congress, sexual trauma PTSD, etc. — put my practice on hold as I needed to observe and continue my healing process. This is ironic since my Tantrik orgasm practice has been so healing in so many ways. But this time, the healing that I needed was more emotional than physical or sexual. So I allowed myself time to heal.
Now, I’m back on my practice. Why? Because I miss my heart-gasms, laugh-gasms, urination-orgasms. I miss all those things that took my breath away when I first began this awakening journey. (Remember, “arouse” means “to awaken”.)
Another reason for the training hiatus was that I wanted to see if I needed a regular practice to maintain the “results” of my initial practice and subsequent astounding, mind-boggling, earth-shattering awakenings. Could regular masturbation maintain my awakened prostate? Could moaning during masturbation be a substitute for the vocalized mantra during practice sessions? Could I have all the benefits without the “work”?
Yes. And no.
While I can still have the ceiling fan orgasms, sheet orgasms, or the labia orgasms, they are more subtle. I haven’t had a urination orgasm in a long while, and I am surprised at how much I miss them! I highly recommend them. Truly!
One thing that is imperative to understand about this journey is that it is a cycle of experiences: highs and lows, joys and fears, progress and stagnation, euphoria and frustration. I have had to learn unbelievable patience with myself, with my body, with my individual process, to allow the process and remember that there is no finishline. And trust me, as an Irish chick, patience does NOT come naturally to me.
Over the past year, I noticed that my climax orgasms had changed. As my practice subsided (for lack of time and privacy more than anything), the explosion of the clitoral part of my climax orgasm seemed to fade, or at least blend into the wave climax of my prostate. If you’re familiar with prostate (i.e., erroneously monikered “G-spot”) orgasms, they tend to be full-body, wavelike, back-arching orgasms, whereas clitoral orgasms have a genitally-focused, explosive, ab-crunching-forward body response. I could feel the signals of arousal and climax of my clit externally and internally, but there was no longer the intense explosion. It was as if the climax slipped a gear and went from almost-there to in-the-throes without that delicious, explosive tension release.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining, merely explaining. These “slipped gear” orgasms allowed me to pay even more attention to my prostate — you know how I adore my anterior vaginal wall! Without the explosion of the clitoral response, not only was my prostate response even more noticeable, but I was able to continue the stimulation for much longer through the first climax and straight on to another climax a few seconds later, and another a few seconds later, and another, and another, until I was just too exhausted to do more…. Usually, with the explosive clit in the mix, I can get two or three climaxes; and then I’m just off into Neverland, and my arms must fly up over my head, which means my climaxing clit and prostate are unattended. With the prostate-dominant climaxes, I have been able to go for much longer and have many more orgasms in one session. Not a bad trade-off, I’d say.
This must be similar to what men experience when they are learning to control ejaculation in favor of multiple, full-body orgasms. As I’ve written numerous times, ejaculation is NOT the same as orgasm in men. And while it took a little getting used to the non-explosion climax, this new kind of climax was still very strong — even, very, very strong in a different way than I was accustomed to — and just as importantly, this type of climax was still capable of being emotional for me.
I was able to enjoy these orgasms regardless of which toy that I used or using my hands. (I only use glass or non-vibrating toys.) And I was still having spontaneous orgasms, too. The only real difference was that I was coasting on the rewards from my previous practice regimen rather than practicing regularly.
I’ll admit, at first, I was NOT happy about this. I was confused and really didn’t know what was going on. Was I broken? Was I ill? Was I having issues with my vascular or neurological systems? I didn’t know. So I didn’t write about it. I needed time to experience and explore before I could explain it. Remember, I’ve been winging this whole awakening thing for nearly four years now. There are not many people who understand female sexuality enough, especially from a Tantrik practice, to help me understand what was happening. There is much more information about male sexuality and male awakening through Taoist writings and practices. Sometimes, it feels as if my clit and prostate are pioneers. :-)
I truly started to love these new climaxes once I allowed myself to be open to what they could teach me about my body and about my sexual and sensual response. And who doesn’t love six, or eight, or 10 climaxes in the span of a few minutes?
Just as I was really learning all this newfound body wisdom, I found a glass toy I forgot I had and started back on my actual practice, and within two days, it’s all changing again….
Stay tuned for Part 2…
Aroused and pioneering,
(NOTE: The excessive number of links in this post is for peeps who are new to my blog and may not know all the things I’m referencing. Enjoy!)
The past 48 hours have been a whirlwind for activists and fake Christians around America as Kentucky clerk Kim Davis has defied federal law by not issuing marriage licenses to gay couples in her district.
An elected official, Davis told prospective couples she would not issue any marriage licenses to LGBT couples because it went against her beliefs as a Christian. Even though she is paid by the taxpayers to do her job, she insists that God is her authority, not the laws of the United States.
Much to her chagrin, I am sure, is Davis’ own marriage history — four of them — and apparent adultery, plus a confusing back-and-forth of which husband she was sleeping with, when, and who was impregnating her at the time. While this all makes for great fodder in the online gossip-sphere, none of her sexual history has anything to do with the fact that Davis is an elected official, who is refusing to do her job and is violating the civil rights of citizens in her district, while pulling an annual salary of $80,000.
Having seen the news clips of Davis defending her repulsion of gay marriage, she is a “true believer”, and nothing anyone can say will convince her that LGBT are people, too, with the same civil rights as all other Americans. She has that crazed look in her eyes when she talks about Jesus and God, and she seems like the kind of zealot that will relish being a martyr for her beliefs. (I’m from the South. I know ’em when I see ’em.) And by the way, she has a First Amendment right to be as right-wing, Jesus-obsessed as she wants to be … on her own time.
The First Amendment prohibits the government from establishing any religion, so her failure to carry out her job as a civil servant is not protected by the First Amendment. We also have the philosophy of Thomas Jefferson’s view on the Separation of Church and State, which has been quoted numerous times by the United States Supreme Court, and then there’s Article 11 of the Treaty of Tripoli, which says very plainly, “the government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion….” This treaty was ratified unanimously by the Senate, so I guess they really meant it — the United States is not a Christian country. The government of the United States is, in fact, secular. Therefore, a secular employee’s personal religious beliefs are irrelevant in regard to her duty to abide by and uphold the laws of the land. If she doesn’t like the laws, that’s what the justice and legislative branches of the government are for.
But let’s focus on the issue before us: Davis is being paid by the taxpayers while she is violating citizens’ civil rights. She needs to follow the law or leave the job, but slut-shaming her has taken over the conversation.
If this were a rape case at trial or a sexual harassment claim, a woman’s prior sexual history would not be allowed because it has no bearing on the incident at hand. And I’d be willing to bet that if this were a man who had had four marriages, no one would call him a “slut”.
Slut-shaming is a patriarchal tactic of humiliating and ostracizing women, to keep women in line and to control women’s sexuality.
As activists, we cannot get sidetracked. Focus on the issue in front of us, and address it head-on. For now, Kim Davis has two choices: do the job she was elected and is being paid to do; or quit. We will not allow Americans’ rights to be violated just so one woman can feel like a martyr in her own mind.