Copyright 2013 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
Some schools of thought say all dreams are a form of astral projection. If so, then I’m astral traveling 3 to 5 times every night. But what I consider astral projection — traveling across time/space to the Other Side — has only occurred once — that I remember.
I astral projected in a dream years ago, in 2002, or 2003, maybe 2004 — before Hurricane Katrina. This was either the only time I’ve ever experienced this or the only time I remember it this fully.
I was flying in my dream, which was great because I had not had a flying dream since I was a young teenager. As a kid, I’d have dreams in which I would float up out of my body (in the dream) and hang out at the ceiling, sometimes getting bored with whatever was going on in the room, like a classroom or sometimes a hospital/surgical type area, and I’d float out of the room, ducking to not hit my head on the door jamb, then fly/float down the hallway to something more interesting.
In most flying dreams, though, I would be outside where I could get a running start, spread my arms, take off, and fly — but never higher than just above the trees. These were always amazing. I progressed to the point where I didn’t have to take a running start — if I had the thought I wanted to fly, I spread my arms, bent my knees in a small plie’, and I was up in the air, soaring. The most interesting of these was one dream in which I was flying with Elton John. I have no idea why I dreamt that. I love Elton John, but to this day, that is a mystery.
So back to this particular dream… I was enthralled to be flying again, something I had missed for almost two decades. I was flying above the trees. I looked down as the canopy of treetops whizzed by. Suddenly, I realized I was not flying horizontally but vertically, like a helicopter going up instead of across. I thought, “How cool!”
I went up and up, still facing down, looking down towards the land. Further up and away from the trees. I went through the thin, low-lying clouds, higher and higher. Here’s where I started getting worried. I had no clue what was happening. Up and up. Still looking down, I saw I was high enough that I wasn’t just looking at the land or the water, I was now moving up through the clouds. Layers and layers of frothy white clouds. Then I was looking down at the clouds — up and up — looking down now at the entire earth, moving further from it at an increasing speed.
As the earth got smaller, I looked down toward what should have been my body but there was nothing there. I looked to my right at what should have been my arm, but my arm wasn’t there. I looked to my left, but my left arm wasn’t there. I thought, “Where’s my body?!” I looked around at myself, but I wasn’t there — only a fuzz of transparent light.
I felt my fuzz self cross a barrier, and I realized I had crossed the Veil (as pagans say). I was on the Other Side. I slowed down and took it all in, just floating. I had no body because I pure energy. Where I was was pure energy. It looked like an infinity of clouds in a golden light emanating from a huge golden light source off in the distance. In that instant I experienced what I’d never felt before or since — pure love. I knew it seemed crazy even at the time — this is what people who have near-death experiences say. They felt pure love. But it was true. I felt pure love. Pure connectedness to the supraconsciousness. I felt the infinity of the universe. I knew I was returning home — returning as light energy to rejoin the All light energy. No gods. No Jesus. No floating Buddha head. No made up human religious bullshit. The All was nameless, faceless, race-less, label-less energy.
Feeling that pure love was transformative. I knew what that pure love was as soon as I felt it and knew, with sadness, no one had ever extended that pure, unconditional love to me here on earth. I floated in the energy and felt my fuzzy light self being gently pulled toward the golden infinite energy All, and I loved it. I wanted it. Nothing had ever felt so wonderful, so intensely right — to be a part of that energy from whence I came, to leave the crap and the struggle of life on the physical plane. Everything I had ever wanted was right there. All I had to do was drift in the pure love energy stream to rejoin the infinite Source Energy.
I suddenly remembered my young daughter, and I thought, “Oh well, this was nice, but I have to go back now.” I expected to drift back to the Veil and begin my descent toward earth. However, I kept drifting toward the golden light. I thought, “No, really, I can’t stay. I have to get back to my daughter.” Nothing changed, in fact, I started moving toward the golden energy faster. I shouted (as only a fuzz ball of energy can), “NO! I have to go back to my daughter! She needs me!!” I tried to resist the pull of the energy — it was so immensely strong, and truthfully, I really wanted to stay in that perfect love vibration. But I tried pushing against the pull — hard to do with no arms or legs. I pushed against it, tried to pull myself away, pushed and pulled, tried again and again. I yelled, “I HAVE to go back! My daughter needs me!!”
At that instant, I began plummeting downward, downward, downward, accelerating exponentially. I saw the earth getting closer and closer. I went through the earth’s cloud layers, and I went faster. I worried how I was going to catch myself since I didn’t have a physical body. Was I just going to land on the roof of my house — SPLAT?! The earth got closer, then North America, then the Gulf Coast, the water, the trees — boom!
I bolted upright in bed. I was panting, breathless as if I’d just run a marathon. I looked down. I had a body — had arms and legs — nothing seemed broken. I looked up — the ceiling was intact. I felt like I had slammed into a concrete wall. I had crash-landed into my bed. I had no idea what just happened. I sat there for a few minutes, thoroughly confused by this, the weirdest dream I’d ever had.
I got up out of bed, shaky on my feet (that I was glad to see had returned), and I checked on my daughter. She was sound asleep. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary with the house. I could not wrap my head around what had happened. Of course, I had heard of out-of-body experiences (OOBE, or OBE), but I had never really delved into the topic, or astral travel, or remote viewing. I liked my easy-going nature-based Irish pagan path. I liked my relationship with my perception of a Source Energy, and I left all the New Age woo-woo stuff for the confused woo-woo people (who probably smoked a lot of weed).
Because of this dream/astral dream experience, my perception of “god/gods,” heaven/nirvana, et al were confirmed for what feels right for me. Science says energy is the basis of the universe, and I saw that that is true. Spiritual sages say “we are all connected,” and I felt that to be true in my experience. The bullshit importance humans place on ethnicity, economic class, political party, religious affiliation are all that — bullshit — completely made up, human busy-work to keep the physical plane mired down in drama so the soul energy has something to do while it’s here to learn lessons during its incarnation in the carbon-based meat-suit.
At that moment, I became what I call an Energist. I believe in Energy. Gods, goddesses, etc., are anthropomorphized interpretations of particular energy vibrations to appease the inquisitive human-animal’s mind as the soul sorts out its karma this go ’round.
This is when I became a Humanist. We are all energy. We are all equal. We are all connected, regardless of skin color, spiritual path, or other divisive pigeon hole man-made society wants us to buy into to keep strife and war in perpetual motion, usually for the benefit of sociopathic lizard-brains who feed on misery to secure their own financial gain and to ensure their elite status and control.
This earthly existence offers glimpses into the love and connectedness that exist on the Other Side. They are possible here… if we lose our temporary selves long enough to find our true selves.
This is my experience. You don’t have to like it, agree with it, or believe it. It is mine. This is the experience as it happened to me, so I don’t feel the need to justify or rationalize any aspect of it. This was a truly integral and life-changing experience for me, and to this day, it greatly influences many of my tenets that I hold to be true for me and my path.
I hope to return to the All Source Energy again this lifetime to say Hi — as long as I can come back here once I’m done hanging out in the energy love fuzz.
If you read my post from the other day, you know ArousedWoman is now 1 year old — and what a year it has been! I did not set out to create what ArousedWoman has become — I just followed my heart to continue my activism for myself personally and “to stir to action” and “awaken” others to the need for activism for women’s rights and other issues collectively. And poof! ArousedWoman is now arousing readers around the world.
As I review everything that’s gone on in 2012, I am re-focusing ArousedWoman for 2013 and beyond. My activism is definitely still here (sorry, men ), but I want to hone in on specifics to awaken people to healthy sexuality and a sex-positive outlook. Sex is not about control, or pain, or staying quiet to keep the peace in a relationship. Our sexual happiness is fundamental to our happiness as human beings, and I don’t think true happiness is possible if we’re playing manipulative games within our sexual relationships.
If you’ve read much of my blog, then you’ll know that I approach sexuality from a Tantric perspective, with leanings toward Kundalini and other ancient wisdom. With so many people trying to find their sexual identity in our 21st century soulless culture, a link to the past is a good grounding for wading through the murky flotsam and getsam of shame, fear, and guilt pervading our Puritanical society.
I think the human body is beautiful. Sex is beautiful. Orgasms are beautiful — and natural — and healthy. With that as my foundation, I am re-focusing ArousedWoman to “Awakening Sexuality in Mind, Body, and Spirit.”
Not just a sex blog, I want to help people on a myriad of levels. Sexual health begins in the mind, but vitality of the body and spirit are just as crucial to being happy sexually, and in turn, happy in your everyday life. And my dear atheist readers, don’t get scared by the word “spirit”! Spirit has nothing to do with religion (religion is an evil pyramid scheme for an elite core of men to gain and maintain their power and wealth). I may throw some good ol’ pagan sex rite stuff in here occasionally, but trust me, religion is NOT on the menu here!
Orgasm is not just a physical phenomenon but more truly an intangible response of the subtle body and the parasympathetic nervous system. I will cover some non-traditional aspects of holistic growth such as exploring dreams, meditation, breathing, stress relief, raising energy, shamanism, Tantric bodywork, bioenergetics, the brain vs. the mind, meat-based diet vs. vegetarianism, nutrition, exercise, and controversial topics such as entheogens and polyamory, to name a few.
Beginning this summer, I will be creating videos that address some of the issues and posting them on my new YouTube page. The videos will cover anatomy, nutrition, exercise, and more topics that I will also cover here in the blog. Why not sooner, you may ask? I need to get a video camera with a mic input. So until I upgrade to an iPhone or shell out some moolah for an actual digicam with a mic input, the videos will be on hold till summer-ish.
And I’m close to announcing the beta test for my orgasm training method, so be sure to sign up for my newsletter for more information on how to apply for that when the time comes.
All in all, I am profoundly grateful for all my new friends I’ve gained in the past year. It really has been amazing! Looking ahead, 2013 is destined to be even better. Stay tuned for exciting developments!
My last session — on Monday — was amazing, and I wrote about it here.
After the final big orgasm, as the contractions pulsated in my vagina, cervix, and anus, I burst into tears which made me deliriously happy (inside). This emotion was centered in the heart chakra. I felt the wall of my chest vibrating — a heartgasm?, and my hands flew up to my heart and over my eyes. The crying was guttural and from my core. It felt like I was finally back on my journey’s path.
This may not sound like a good thing, but I was relieved by the emotional expression that occurred. The past few weeks, my orgasms had been unemotional — with little to no crying afterward. I have begun to equate my vocal volume during and my emotional crying afterward with the intensity and number of orgasms. The louder and boo-hooey-er, the bigger and better. The lack of emotional response seemed to be synonymous with the lack of true arousal I’d been feeling.
This then brought up other emotional issues… I realized that I almost dread having sex with a partner again… the more emotional I am means the awesomer my orgasms were. Men are scared of emotion. So this is actually beginning to feel like a deal-breaker. I can’t go back to unemotional sex. Women who like casual sex — more power to them. I’ve recently discovered I just don’t want it. I would need to hide my emotions for a “just fucking” encounter, and that would hurt too much.
I know this separates me from the majority of feminists out there who think that being an empowered female means fucking anything that’s longer than it is wide and being able to walk away unaffected by the encounter. I never was that way inside, though I did have the occasional orgy one-night stand. (Another reason to love the theatre ). And I’m a humanist, not a feminist — if “feminist” is defined as thinking women should automatically be placed ahead of men just because we’re female — that’s reverse discrimination FOR the vagina, which is no better than discrimination AGAINST the vagina.
Recognizing that I… need… as well as want the emotional component of sexual experience must mean I’m getting old… or maybe more integrated with my higher self. “Needing” anything is not easy for me. I’ve always been and had to be independent. Find a way or make a way. No negotiations. No excuses. “Needing” puts me in a position of submissiveness. Vulnerability. And frankly, that freaks me out.
Not to get all woo-woo on you, but having experienced the astral plane in dreams and the cosmic orgasm from my prostate awakening, I refuse to settle for anything less. Don’t get me wrong. I would still enjoy a good ol’ fashioned hard fuck, as long as the underlying relationship is one of love and trust — then the hard fuck is really just a matter of mutual, wild, animal lust rearing its fabulous head amidst a spirit-connected sexual and sensual experience… but I can cry afterward, knowing I’m safe, that I felt safe to give myself so fully to the experience in the first place… and for me, crying is a good thing.
Aroused and blubbering,
(*In response to a query about my fluctuating orgasmic experiences which hit an incredible peak in November, but have waned since then.*)
Today was my first proper KSMO 20-minute protocol since the first week of December. With the holidays and my writing deadlines and my daughter being out of school, there was rarely a time I felt comfortable doing KSMO or any solo sex because I’m such a screamer nowadays.
I also understand the protocol a little better now, I think. I had thought that the feelings during the 20-minute session were supposed to be arousing (they’re not, per se) and lead to orgasm (nope), so it kind of left me wondering, “what the heck is the 20-minute session doing exactly?”
I was also confused by the inconsistent advice in the forum — some people need to do the protocol exactly, but others can do what they want. It’s called a “protocol” but then I’m told it’s “suggested guidelines” — sorry, but protocol and suggested guidelines are too very different animals. This coupled with my recent experiences with some asshole men on the forum is leaving me with some animosity toward the whole KSMO thing, which may be manifesting in a psychosomatic way and affecting my practice.
So having been told that I can pursue an orgasm after the 20-minute protocol session, I do sometimes. I don’t get anywhere near orgasm during KSMO, but the stimulation makes my body really ready for a trip down orgasm lane. Sometimes I don’t “go for it,” but rather, I just relax, a deep relaxation almost to the point of dozing off, which helps recharge my batteries (no vibrator pun intended!). But sometimes, yes, I “go for it” and enjoy the ensuing orgasms..
My main concern (during the holidays) is that since starting with the KSMO practice in August, I get so loud during sex that I knew I’d disturb the neighbors with my moaning and roaring. October through November, the KSMO practice had me buzzing, echoing, whatever you want to call it, 24/7. Back then, I was doing stimulation for the whole 20 minutes — oops! Here again, inconsistency in advice in the forum rears its ugly head — I was told it was okay to stim the whole time if I wanted to, while others said to do the caress on “protocol” — I find this to be very annoying. I had amazing early success using my intuition and incorporating my knowledge of other systems like Tantra touch and yogic breathing. And I’ve found that people with backgrounds in other energy / sound systems do indeed have quick success. But doing the “protocol” as stipulated actually seems to have set me back.
I even thought about that today. Since doing just the single caress, it doesn’t do for me what the constant stimulation did. But I will have to wait until tomorrow to see if my prostate kicks in. Back in October / November, I could do a key sound off the cuff, and BAM! There she was — my amazing prostate was totally ready for searing orgasm bliss — a fiery heat pulsing from within like she was going to expand right through my body and outside of me. Incredible and addictive!
At the time, I almost wanted a reprieve from that 24/7 wired to the universe, hands and feet buzzing with energy, chest wall vibrating, pelvis totally jazzed, constant scalp- and spine-tingling arousal. Well, darn it, I got it. Now I’m wanting to get that spark back!
With the single caress stimulation, my prostate (which is my focus for now) doesn’t start having sensations until the next day — that day in between — and they’re not nearly as strong as before. So, you think maybe I should go back to the other (constant) stimulation? Or wait and see if doing the protocol “properly” develops new sensations?
Today, I did my 20 minutes and had a few minutes before I had to get back to my duties, so I enjoyed the warmth and wetness, but did not go to the point of orgasm. During the session, after the first couple of breaths / key sounds, I felt wild heat and throbbing in the genitals. I don’t know what the KSMO term for that is. I really had to focus to keep my mind on the breathwork and the feelings — and keep my mind from re-playing the events with the assholes from earlier. That was really hard, but I did manage to have an enjoyable 20-minutes. I’ll have to wait and see what I feel tomorrow. I’ll also do another “proper” 20 minute session on Saturday and see what, if anything, I feel Sunday.
This delay or lag in my KSMO / orgasm experience could be a natural waxing and waning as some people report, or again, it could be psychosomatic with the peripheral bullshit and inconsistent advice. Then there are the annoying holidays, the neighbors, et al. I feel I lost that “train of thought” that I had just discovered, and now it’s dormant. I don’t know at this point, and unfortunately, the only way to find out is to keep trying and stay in this “wait and see” pattern.
Aroused and fluctuating,
(*In response to a man’s question regarding my practice vs. the KSMO protocol. He wanted to know if I’d thought of waiting a day in between sessions to have regular orgasm sessions. He also queried my reason for pursuing KSMO since I seem to be so orgasmic. He then mentioned that women who use KSMO report intense orgasms with minimal stimulation.*)
In regard to waiting a day in between (as the KSMO protocol says), yes, I considered it, then decided to go for a fabulous orgasm instead. I am in an experimental time. While I want the grandest of magickal O’s that my body is capable of, I am enjoying the journey and learning about myself / my self in the process. Maybe I’ll take the day off today, KSMO tomorrow, then have a solo session, and see what the Orgasm Faery brings.
And yes, I have delicious orgasms now, but this wasn’t always so. Men only seem to notice the orgasms women have or talk about (or lie about in Cosmo or Penthouse Forum). But women tend to hide the journey they had to travel to get there — to be able to orgasm at all, much less with a partner, much less have multiple orgasms. I think this leads to a more important topic which is, “What exactly is the DEFINITION of ORGASM?” It seems everyone has his or her own definition, and medical definitions tend to be clinical and sterile with no hint at the emotional side of orgasm or the bliss that is possible. (Which is typical since “Western medicine” was founded by men.)
I started masturbating when I was 15, and while I liked the arousal (build up of tension) and lead-up to the orgasm (sudden release of tension, localized to the clitoris), I was left with that classic disappointment of “Is that it? What the hell is all the fuss about?” And yet, I kept coming back for more, each time hoping that the ecstatic bliss portrayed in romantic movies and romance novels was just over the horizon, if only I could stimulate harder, faster, longer, it could be mine, too.
I truly wish I’d had a women’s circle to belong to, to learn from — to learn how to cherish my female body and female sexuality in a healthy, safe, trusted environment. Every female should admire and explore her body in front of a big mirror and appreciate her self for the amazing gift that it is. Likewise, every (straight / bisexual) man should learn to give yoni massage and offer yoni puja on a regular basis.)
I found my G-spot / She Spot in 2001 or 2002-ish, and that made a huge difference because vaginal orgasms are like hot waves that wash over the whole body, rocking you back and forth as they crash against an unseen shore before another wave pushes forth. The She Spot is part of the female prostate, and at the time, I had no idea what was in store for me once I awakened my prostate — that’s another story in itself!
A clitoral orgasm only took 2 minutes to achieve which was great for getting to sleep really fast at night, but the clitoral orgasm was localized to the clit and generally unrewarding (not anymore, though). At the time, a She Spot-only orgasm needed an hour to an hour-and-a-half of constant, consistent stimulation to achieve the full-body waves (sans explosive tension release) orgasm. This was exhausting, and without the explosion, unfulfilling, so ultimately, She Spot orgasms were more frustrating than anything else. (They were also emotional, whereas clitoral O’s usually are not.)
I was looking for something that could get me great orgasms with less work. Along the way, I began doing simultaneous stimulation of my clit & G-spot which would bring a pretty nice blended orgasm in about 10-20 minutes… but only one. I wanted LOTS. (For the record, I’ve got my time down to about 6 minutes, and the multiple orgasms that occur are outstanding… jus’ sayin’…)
I was molested as a child and raped as an adult, so being able to orgasm at all is a truly great accomplishment. And thankfully, I have little to no mind fuzz because of it. Anger? Of course. But that isn’t productive, so I choose to stay in good energy. I was also in a very bad marriage for 13 years that was absolutely unsatisfying for me sexually. In fact, when I did want to participate, he got defensive, accused me of not liking what he was doing — so unless I was on top or giving him a blow-job, I was on my back, just there for him to do whatever he was doing till he came and (thankfully) rolled off me. Don’t bother asking why I stayed. Let’s just say, at the time, I couldn’t afford to leave. I’m happy to report I have been a single mom for a year and a half, making it on my own — thankya, thankya, vurry much!
I’ve worked very hard to be a fully sexual woman, so I don’t take any orgasm, “small” or “meteoric” for granted. I appreciate them all.
I’m in tune with myself because I have a long-held activist streak, especially for women and women’s rights, and with that comes pride and the freedom to be a sexual being. I’ve done years of work on myself to be at the point where I can have sex for no reason other than wanting to feel pleasure, i.e., not to please a man, make him feel better about himself, not to keep a man, or use sex to pretend I’m being loved. It just so happens that at this point in my life, I want sex with emotion, i.e., to make love, not a casual hook-up with a carnal fuck. (Sorry, feminazis.)
I loved learning Tantra positions and philosophies, but its focus is on partner work. KSMO was the next step in my journey because I don’t have a partner right now, and KSMO is a solo practice. But I didn’t expect the male jealousy and animosity toward women that cropped up repeatedly.
Sometimes, while reading the KSMO Forum, it almost makes me feel like I should apologize that, as a woman, I don’t have to overcome ejaculation or erection control, which is what brings most guys to KSMO. Learning to female ejaculate is one PRIME reason I wanted to explore my body even more — to experience female ejaculation, which I have in low doses, but I want the full-out geyser experience. So on this topic, I think we might always be Mars vs. Venus. And yet, if I do apologize for not having to deal with erection / penis issues, then I’m apologizing for being female, which I absolutely will not do.
So when the guys start getting a jealous streak because they think women are getting a “free pass” in the orgasm department, they need to read the research statistics and know that women have as much mental, emotional, psychological, and physical crap to deal with as men. Just because my erectile tissue is mostly inside my body doesn’t mean I don’t need to learn how to “control” it. After all, how do you control something you CAN’T see?! (A lot of inner work and genital yoga, that’s how!) And since the medical establishment is STILL making discoveries about women’s anatomy and sexual responses, I will continue to enjoy learning as I go.
Anyone who’s done KSMO even half-assed (and that’s not an Aneros joke) knows that KSMO, Tao, Kundalini, Tantra, and other energy / sound-based protocols are about much more than orgasm. You wind up dealing with things you thought you’d buried and hidden so well from the world. You built really great walls so no one would know. Then you get the Fu Dogs, Terrors, and Mind Fuzz breaking down your walls from the INSIDE, and you have nowhere to run.
I took 4 years off from KSMO because I needed to set my Fu Dogs straight. I’ve spent years working on my own crap. In fact, one of the things that confuses me the most is seeing posts (from guys) on the KSMO Forum who talk about all the mind noise they have and the issues that come up, but think the problem is KSMO. Any energy / sound-based protocol done correctly purges the subconscious self of the ingrained, entrained, brainwashing crap of society, religion, media, previous relationships, et al. But they fail to see that. I didn’t want to take 4 years off from my orgasm schooling, but I felt that was what I needed to do.
Right now, I am more interested in the journey to the orgasm. And I see the journey and the orgasm as a meditation. I don’t think you can do KSMO, or Tao, or Kundalini, or Tantra correctly and not learn about yourself while learning about your body’s ability to awaken to orgasm. I know the higher level energy field of orgasm exists — the cosmic orgasm, and that’s what I want to conjure at will. I read the KSMO adepts talking about the energy as it moves within their body, and in KSMO orgasms, they float in that energy field. I’ve been there in my astral dreams, but I want to be able to go there any time I desire it.
I just did an interview on my radio show, Musical Theatre Talk, with a master voice teacher who uses healing energy on and for singers. Hearing her talk about raising, moving, and using energy for the purposes of singing and performing suddenly made a lot of sense to me re: KSMO, Chi, the Chakras, Kundalini serpent unspiraling, the raising / moving of energy the Adepts talk about. I guess I just needed it in a language I understand — singer-ese.
The orgasms I’ve experienced since starting back with KSMO a couple months ago are nothing short of soul-stirring. Even if the journey up to orgasm seems regular sometimes, the last part of the ride is not, and the intensity of my orgasms is beyond anything I’ve experienced prior to KSMO… and yet, I know there is more to explore — such as female ejaculation and further anal play, just to name a couple items on my to-do list.
And so I’m here. I’m orgasmic. I’m vocal. I’m unapologetic.
Just following Jack’s advice on sensual touching has given me a new appreciation of my breasts (which I always hated) and even my body’s ability to respond to touch.
And thank you, for being brave enough to ask me point-blank questions, and knowing (I hope!) that nothing I wrote is directed at you personally or energetically…. I’m just Irish that way.
Aroused and vocal,
I have a little more to report but it is similar to my previous journal entry on my expanding awareness and experiences with awakening my female prostate and the wonders it is slowly revealing to me. But I don’t want to seem redundant — it’s not exactly the same ol’ song, but perhaps a variation on a theme.
With the Turkey holiday, I was not at home by myself during the days last week, so my KSMO practice dropped to nill. By Sunday, the schedule was almost normal (because school would be back in session for my daughter Monday). So Sunday night, I decided to enjoy some solo sex as it was my day off from KSMO, and I was off my moon (Auntie Flo had left the building!). My female prostate was buzzing back to life, and I was just plain horny.
I don’t know what happened, but I enjoyed the upswing to orgasm and the after orgasm, but somehow missed the explosion of the orgasm itself. It reminded me of my old She-Spot orgasms (She-Spot stimulation only) where the build up can blend into the after-orgasm without that “cresting of the wave” or as I term it, the “explosion” of the orgasm.
But this on Sunday, almost felt like a let-down. Although it was deliciously pleasurable, without that “cresting” at the top of the wave/orgasm, all I got was the denouement. But I kept stimulating, wanting to come “again” — and this time feel it. But I stayed in the after-O state for a good 20 minutes before I just gave up. Now, please know, this all felt really good. In the after-orgasm phase, I’m still highly aroused, making sounds, rapid breathing, legs shaking constantly, everything pulsating and contracting. I just really love that explosive part of orgasm.
Then Monday, I really felt my female prostate all day. When I went to the bathroom, my FP (female prostate) was pleasurably noticeable. Around 2:00 p.m., I figured I’d skip the 20-minute KSMO practice and just take care of my FP which seemed to really want some attention. So I did.
As in the previous post, stimulating my prostate (just the finger pumping of the FP, no clit stim) for 10 seconds at a time was more than I could handle. I had to stop 3 times. Again, I thought I’d just use my penis-shaped vibe (minus the vibration) to achieve orgasm, assuming it would be less intense than the FP/finger pumping. AGAIN, I was wrong. I couldn’t handle that either.
I would start the finger pumping — instantly , my hips shot up off the bed, I was whining/moaning, and I didn’t last more than 10 seconds — literally. I stopped, my hips dropped to the bed, and I was panting, out of breath as if I’d just run up 10 flights of stairs. I’ve never felt anything like this. Ever.
So I gathered my courage and attempted it again — with the same results: hips reaching to the ceiling, me whining/moaning, unable to stand the intense pleasure erupting from my prostate. I stopped, dropped to the bed, and panted.
Determined to conquer whatever this was, I went for it a third time with the same results — again — after only 10 seconds — again.
I brought my fingers out of my vagina. Panting. I was not sure what to do next, but I suddenly started crying. I was feeling all the great pre- and post-O arousal I normally feel but at the same time.
Finally, I decided to just go for it. I didn’t care about the neighbors or if anyone could hear me. I made sounds I’ve truly never made before, felt things I’ve never felt before, and I wanted it to go on forever. I wouldn’t have minded if I didn’t have the explosion part of orgasm because, frankly, I didn’t know if I’d survive it. But if I’m gonna go, I figured this would be a great way to die.
When the explosion happened, I almost sprang off the bed. I burst into a million stars and floated up. I was there with the Universe. I was the Universe. It was absolutely indescribable, the feelings of being connected to everything at once, infinite joy, love, peace — just as I’d felt in my dream / astral experiences.
My physical body burst into gut-wrenching tears, and I cried uncontrollably, heaving sobs my body is not used to emitting. My body was doubled over, then jerking back into tension-filled arches, then doubling over again, over and over, convulsing from the emotion of what I had just experienced — all while I was still orgasming from the emotions springing from my core, my awakened prostate, and experiencing this uterine orgasm for the first time.
I don’t know how long the orgasm lasted — yes, I kept going with the vibrationless-vibe because for me, stopping the stimulation at or just after orgasm feels like having my soul plucked out from under me. So I kept going through the post-orgasms — the quaking after-shocks of hundreds of smaller orgasms and contractions of the clit, She-Spot, cervix, uterus, anus, legs shaking, hands and feet buzzing with energy. Except these weren’t smaller like they usually are — they were intense. I finally stopped because it was so powerful I actually thought I might really die from the pleasure — a full-body heart chakra attack… and I was blubbering like an idiot.
This experience seemed to last forever, but looking at the clock it was only 2:45. How could I have experienced “forever” in less than 40 minutes? And to be honest, I really needed a big hug. Sometimes being alone truly is lonely.
*** Read Part 2 of this journal entry. ***
Aroused and awakening,