I’ve found a new way to enjoy my stealth orgasms — the orgasms that are brought on by little or no physical touch. I wasn’t looking for a new approach to my quieter, yet, oh so fulfilling full-body waves of bliss, and yet I have stumbled upon “sheet orgasms.”
While doing the barest of nipple stim and reveling in delicious nipplegasms, my legs open wide of their own volition. My hips move in their own dance, and my head is back in breathless euphoria. With it being colder now, I sleep with my duvet cover on, and I happen to be snuggled under the covers this morning. I move my hand to my labia, first outer, then inner labia, loving the change in her texture and posture.
My inner labia begin close to my vagina, but as arousal progresses, my inner labia extend upward, outward, as if standing at attention — the frilly edges more taut as they fill with blood in their own erections. Barely brushing my fingertips across my erect labia, the full-body waves begin, and I feel expansion in my heart chakra. I’m still amazed that slow, barely-there touch is so fulfilling, and infinitely more tender than hard frigging off.
I’m back on to nipplegasms, having gotten into a pattern of nipplegasms then barely-there gentle-touch clit O’s, and back again. On the weekends, I do this for hours, not getting out of bed until around 2 p.m. — except on the Saturdays I make a concerted effort to get up by noon to catch the vendors at the farmers’ market. But this is Fat Tuesday, Mardi Gras, and everything is closed. I can stay in bed all day.
Back arched and head back, the nipplegasms are on auto-loop at this point. As my knees part wide, falling open 180-degrees on the bed, the weight of the duvet presses the sheet toward me. The sheet brushes my erect inner labia, and a jolt of energy surges up my body. I thought it was a fluke, a wonderful accident, but I try it again, lifting my hips slightly. Sure enough — ZAP! There it is again. I lift my hips the same way, and the full-body waves begin. My hips circle several times, make figure 8′s in both directions as I learned in belly dancing, circle some more, then lift and lower in a plain ol’ back and forth motion. I am breathless as the stealth orgasms fill me and energy zings up my legs and arms, with that familiar energy spiral in the ball of my left foot, sending energy outward. The sheet has just become my new boyfriend.
Trying a few things, I learned that once the sheet is in the correct position under the weight of the duvet but not actually resting on my vulva, manipulating the sheet is not required, and any other touch of my genitals is not recommended. The barely-there brushing of the sheet across my inner labia is all I need to induce these wonderful, deep feelings that can only be described as orgasmic waves that crash against the shore of my body, sending billions of tiny pinpoints of pleasure up through me and expanding outward.
Sheet orgasms… who knew…
Aroused and pricing 1500 thread-count Egyptian cotton,
- DailyOJ 01-26-13, Part 2: The Fear of Intimacy
- DailyOJ 10-19-12 Part 1: September & Crawling Out of Yin
- OpEd: The Face of Orgasm: Is Your Woman Faking Orgasms or Not
- DailyOJ 07-09-12: Allowing and Receiving
I was born in a Muslim family and had circumcision at an early age, and I think the doctor messed up or something cause I have a really small penis. The question is — does size actually matter to fully satisfy a woman? My gal and I have been having sex, enjoying various positions. She says she is happy and she actually does have an orgasm most times. She also does all she can to pleasure me to the highest during foreplay and even sometimes taking control of the sex. But, since I’m on the smaller side I want to know does size matter cos my gal hasn’t had any other partners so she doesn’t know the difference. We are happy together, but this is a matter of curiosity and maybe to help my gal explore something better.
Anonymous, in Mangalore, India
Penis size is an issue that is debated in the neuroses of men, but not so much for women, in my opinion. You actually have several issues going on here, but allow me to address circumcision first.
Routine infant male circumcision and any female circumcision is not medically necessary and should be considered sexual assault, especially since the child cannot give informed consent to the procedure. In males, circumcision can damage the penis head as well as the shaft, not just the foreskin. So there may be a chance that the length of your penis has been “shortened” due to a botched circumcision that left the skin too tight. Also, some reports say infant circumcision is responsible for 60% of erectile dysfunction in adult men. Not to get on my anti-circ soapboax, but there are methods of foreskin restoration that might help loosen the skin of the penis so that your erections might become “fuller.”
You sound young to me, perhaps in your early 20′s, and since your girlfriend has not been with anyone else, I’ll assume she is also in that age range. The fact that she orgasms at all during penetrative sex means you’re doing something right! Female orgasm statistics consistently show that 70% of all women have never orgasmed during penetrative sex, with that percentage being lower for women in their 20′s. The best way to make sure your woman orgasms is to be well-versed in female sexual anatomy. There’s more to our genitals than just the clit or the G-spot, and so many more kinds of orgasms than just clitoral or vaginal. (Just as there are more kinds of male orgasm than just penile/ejaculatory.)
Your concern over the size of your penis — when clearly, you’re doing just fine in the bedroom — may be a result of culture and media influence. What porn and media don’t explain is that the average length of the vagina for all women, regardless of height, build, ethnicity, or childbirth, is 3 to 4 inches. When fully aroused, the vagina can expand in length by 50% and widens at the top, so the maximum length of the vagina is around 6 inches.
As a woman, I can testify that a penis that is too long (9-inches+) can hurt! So being on the ” short” side (5-inches or less) when fully aroused is not a bad thing. Remember, the vagina will only be about 6 inches when fully aroused. You just have to know what positions work best for a smaller penis, such as woman-on-top. If I had to choose a penis size, I’d go for a fat, thick penis over a long penis any day of the week. But since penis size isn’t something I consider when choosing a sex partner, I suppose it doesn’t really matter.
Please note, however, that in order for a woman to be truly aroused and ready for sex, she needs at least 20 minutes of “foreplay” so that her own erectile tissues can begin to fill with blood as well. This 20 to 30 minutes of arousal-play also allows the woman’s mind to shift from mundane issues to relaxing into a sexual mode.
As for satisfying a woman fully, regardless of penis size, I’m assuming you have fingers, a mouth, a tongue, even a big toe, all of which can be used in the physical side of sexually satisfying a woman. However, a woman’s most important sexual organ is her mind, that non-physical field that exists in the ether around the physical cranium. Start with her mind, then engage her body, beginning with her skin, and her breasts (if she likes breast stimulation), and sensual massage. Allowing the woman to relax into the moment is the most important step to help a woman orgasm.
Since you say she has orgasms “most” of the time, I’m assuming you have an orgasm every time. The activist part of me says the sex should not be over unless both partners have at least one orgasm. The horny woman part of me wonders why are you even entering her vagina with your penis if you haven’t already eaten her to a few orgasms with your mouth on her genitals?! Oral sex on the woman is an almost guaranteed orgasm technique — your mouth sucking her clit and labia with a finger or two in the vagina and/or anus drives most women to passionate madness.
***As a shameless plug, I’m in the process of developing my own orgasm training method, so be sure to check back here for updates on when it’s ready.***
Experiment with positions and techniques that you both find interesting and arousing, and just enjoy the discovery of your own bodies and your sexual preferences. Communication should be the foundation of your relationship anyway. Keep in mind, that sex is supposed to be enjoyable and fulfilling, not a competition or a race. Relax, experiment, discover. If you love the journey, the destination is bound to be wonderful.
* Read more AskTrish: AskTrish Posts *
* AskTrish a question: AskTrish *
Outside my bedroom window, I could hear the trees branches hitting the roof, the rain pelting everything, and the wind blowing. I opened my eyes to see if we had power – we did, and I promptly snuggled down under my sheet. The steady rhythm of stormy weather and a cold, air-conditioned room combine to make a recipe that sends me off into a sensuous half-sleep, drifting over to the Other Side, but still anchored here.
After getting up and checking out the apartment and the balcony, everything looked fine. Well, for a hurricane, that is. My outdoor plants are in the middle of my livingroom, my kitchen counters are covered in water bottles and prep supplies. Thankfully, we didn’t need them. We were safe and dry. So I could go back to bed.
In bed, my mind noted the irony that this was the 7th anniversary of Katrina and the 2nd anniversary of my moving out and becoming a single mom. Moving out was, in effect, the beginning of my journey to reclaiming my identity and my sexuality. Hard to believe it had been 2 years already.
Since I wasn’t alone in the house, and my neighbors had hunkered down for the storm as well, I didn’t even attempt having orgasms… at first… some just happened — I didn’t mean to… The room was cold. Sue me.
With the rain outside and my ceiling fan spinning above me, I lay in bed with the sheet off my breasts and legs, just covering my vulva area, to keep her warm and juicy. I absentmindedly started some sensual massage, and my nipples perked right up. The areolas puckered so tight I had to rub on them, and off I went into my SASO’s. When my nipples calmed down, I did a little OM-touch on my clit, and was off again. This went on back and forth for over an hour, having SASO’s, taking a break for a few minutes then starting again.
In between sets, I checked my vaginal opening for juices. Sure enough, yep, there were juices after each set, which, for me, verifies that these are in fact productive orgasms. Not that anyone would challenge me on this point, but these O’s are so very different from regular stimulated orgasms — amazingly fulfilling, full-body orgasms, but different.
I was very wet, and I couldn’t help but spread the love all over my inner labia and clit, then a little bit further to my outer labia. My juices were warm and slick, viscous, and smelled wonderful. Enjoying the feeling of my labia, I gently massaged them with my right hand; my left hand was up behind my head from the last set of O’s. Before I knew it, I was off again! Having orgasms from stroking the inside of my right inner labia!! I have never done this nor have I ever anticipated orgasms from such a seemingly innocuous area. I kept stroking gently and rolling the lip edge with my fingertips throughout the O’s, until my hand had to go up over my head as well…. Dammit.
A little later, I tried stimulating the U-Spot to help trigger an orgasm there, but I wasn’t feeling it… so I thought…
With the juices flowing and my vagina in YES! mode, I had to slip a couple fingers in. I smiled because I love the vastly different temperatures between the cold room, my hot skin, and my warm wet vagina. She truly is awesome. I stroked my prostate, but just to notice the textures, not to lead anywhere. My right hand came out as my left hand slipped in. I know it’s serious when my left hand wants in. I would more than likely be very busy for the next 10 minutes or so. And sure enough, with minds of their own, my hands conjured a delicious, complex blended orgasm or series of orgasms that seemed to last longer than they usually do. My mind has become so observationist on what is happening in my body, I try to notice every nuance that is happening both inside my vagina — the vaginal walls, the juices, my moving She Spot, the texture of my prostate, the clenching of the inner clitoral bulb, as well as with my outer clit as she begins to hide so close to orgasm.
This blended orgasm was truly wonderful — so much so, I actually made noise, which I don’t normally do with hands-on O’s. I tend to associate noise-making with the penetrative thrust action and A-Spot reach of my toy. I kept the orgasms going as long as my hands could function, but even they needed to heed the call of the Great Orgasm God/dess and fly up over my head as my back arched and my legs kicked — also something I don’t normally do with hands-on O’s… the Kundalini responses are usually the realm of the SASO’s. Hmmmm… makes me wonder what’s going on… and why am I not doing hands-on blended O’s anymore? These are awesome. Will definitely pencil them in my next session.
Then the unexpected happened. I felt this welling up of emotion, like I was about to cry. I was just at the verge of actually crying, felt the tears, the sudden intake of breath, but I was so shocked by the need to cry that I think I stifled it unintentionally. I lay there for a minute. I felt the need to cry again, but I was so aware of it, the crying melted away.
I began to focus on my body and the after-O’s happening in my genitals. My hips were still moving, my legs were beginning to calm down, and I was thoroughly sated. Better yet, I was happy. And the room was cold. My nipples were getting tight again, and all I could think was that it was a great start to another year as a free, whole orgasmic woman.
Aroused and happy,
* Read Part 1 here. *
I originally bought the KSMO seminar back in 2006. Life was too stressful, and I never actually did the practice. Fast forward to August 2011, my life was calmer, happier in many aspects, and I was ready to see what all this multiple orgasm thing was all about. Coming out of a miserable marriage, I was anticipating having sex again… hopefully… at some point… in the future… before I die…. Having never orgasmed during sex, I wanted to teach my body to be multi -orgasmic so I could maybe have one orgasm during sex… at least… hopefully… before I die….
In my KSMO 20-minute sessions, I would caress my breasts for 10 minutes, then my clit for about 5 minutes, then do 5 minutes simultaneous stim of my clit and my prostate. Touching the genitals is not required for KSMO, and in fact, Jack, KSMO’s discoverer, actually recommends not touching the genitals — to caress other parts of the body. But I don’t like doing what I’m told. Quelle surprise, I know.
I also never liked the actual timing of the 20 minutes. Even getting started, I would procrastinate, just enjoying laying in bed and associating the timer with yet another alarm — my life is mostly alarms going off for one thing or another at all times of the day and night, every day of the week. Scheduling in KSMO had begun to feel like another scheduled chore rather than an opportunity for training my bliss genes. And yet, if I had not scheduled KSMO, then I would not have done it — by experience, I knew I had to schedule the sessions or they wouldn’t get done.
During the actual 20-minute session, I would inevitably look at my phone’s stopwatch with disdain, thinking, “Jeez, is it 20 minutes yet? Can I just get on to the jerking off part?” (Another thing Jack doesn’t recommend — KSMO and sex on the same day. I rarely obeyed that rule either.)
Resuming KSMO after more than two months off made me a little nervous. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I had taken a two-month break in the Spring and was almost sorry I did because of my prostate’s subsequent dwindling super-powers. But I want to get back into it — to start on the next climb to the next peak of whatever the next threshold might be. (No, seriously, I’m in non-attachment, I swear!)
I laid in bed for about an hour, enjoying the calm, the CD playing softly in the background, just having some peace to myself. I knew I was going to do KSMO, but I felt no rush, no schedule to do it. I couldn’t help having some stealth O’s — after all, they’re now synonymous with my sexual identity. I can’t prevent the spontaneous O’s anyway. (Like I would try?! ) But I did not overtly go for orgasms. I caressed my body and just happened to enjoy some spontaneous O’s as well. With several rounds of those out of the way, I figured I was ready for KSMO. I felt no rush, and surprisingly, no “need” to do KSMO. I started the KSMO session when I wanted to start it. This is a huge leap in my mindset from where I had been just a few months ago! So I figured I’d do what I had done last Fall since that had worked so well. And so I began…
First Mistake ~ I brought by hands up to my breasts and as soon as my fingertips touched my pert nipples, I suddenly had 3 concurrent back-arching, knee-raising nipple orgasms. Damn…. This was how I always started out my sessions, to warm up my clit indirectly and get the energy flowing. This wasn’t going to work. On to Plan B.
Second Mistake ~ Plan B. I reached down between my legs where I brushed my fingertips lightly along the fringe of my inner labia, and a rush of heat washed up my body. I touched my fingertip to my clit in Om-touch style, and BAM! More full-body orgasms, with breathless gasps, torso twisting and thrashing, and hips off the bed. This really sucked.
How am I supposed to do my KSMO sessions now without being able to touch my favorite spots?
I decided to try what Jack actually recommends, which really annoyed me because I don’t like doing what I’m told to do. I started a gentle touch to the inside of my left thigh and felt tingles throughout the left side of my body. I remembered this from before.
Without being able to touch my breasts, my torso felt neglected. My body actually yearned for touch there. I used my hands to caress up and down the center of my torso, from my sternum — where I could feel the vibrations of the Key Sound in my chest — down to my mons pubis. I had never tried this before, and it felt weird to feel the softness of my breasts contrasted with the hardness of my nipples against the insides of my arms. My arms really liked it.
During the 20 minutes, my mind wandered occasionally, and that was okay. I was never really far from being fully mindful of my body. I mean, if I had know the insides of my arms would get turned on by feeling my nipples, I’d have done that 25 years ago! So I acknowledged the new information, filed it in my head, and moved on.
What I really noticed — and really made me happy — was the lack of negative emotion associated with my mind wandering or my body responding differently that she used to or differently than I expected. There was no expectation or reward to look forward to. The experience simply was what it was, and that was all it needed to be. This is a huge leap for me! To be more Yin, just accepting of the experiences as they happen, not processing them immediately, just experiencing them — experiencing them without the mind fuzz of guilt, regret, disappointment, or schedule-envy. Whatever happened was okay. I listened to my body and let her lead. I paid attention to my body so she could teach me what she wanted, what she needed, explore what she was now able to do, feel where she wants to go next.
At the end of the 20-minutes, I was relaxed and fully sated in the experience of self-exploration, mindfulness, and non-attachment. I did not feel the emotion of being “glad” it was over. Quite simply, the session was complete, and I was moving on to the next phase. So, then the rest is pretty mundane….
Fucked Sparkles, had boisterously loud orgasms, cried, blah, blah, blah…
Aroused and back on the path,
My Musical Theatre training is probably to blame.
I need even less stim than ever, ironically — one or two flicks of a fingertip, and the orgasms start. They are full-body and oddly satisfying, but my back isn’t arching as much — I can’t even feel my cervix dipping down anymore, or it’s too subtle to notice. The orgasms flow through my body rather than “hit” my body or “explode.” And the ceiling fan is no longer a potential mate.
Whenever a new development occurs, it is usually startlingly noticeable. So very different, so impactful that I have to notice the new reactions my body is having. Then after a month or two, the initial effects fade, or become integrated, and I have to re-learn my body all over again.
But I don’t like starting all over again… okay, it’s not starting “all” over again, but it seems that way. As soon as I learn how to drive this thing, it adds another gear I have to learn to maneuver. In fact, when I occasionally go back and read what I’ve written, I remember the experiences in the post vividly, but it feels like they happened so long ago, that it couldn’t have been just a few weeks ago?!
The couple of times I’ve had the opportunity to use my purple friend (vibe sans batteries) — a couple weeks ago and this morning, a plethora of neighbors has been home in the adjacent apartments. I am now more convinced than ever that SOUND is crucial to bliss. The arousal isn’t as satisfying when I can’t make my loud sounds — not intentionally loud, but just my natural exclamations during the arousal and orgasmic process. And when I can’t be as loud during the orgasms, the orgasms are not as full-filling. They don’t fill up my body. Because my focus is on my body (my voice) remaining inside/ internal (i.e., quiet), the orgasms are localized to the genital and lower abs area but they are not explosive, they are full body wave-like, minus the full body aspect. And they’re not as emotional. So really, I am very annoyed right now.
That being said, I did a hands-on blended O early yesterday morning that was stunning. I haven’t been spending quality time with my prostate like she deserves… seems I’ve been all over these nipple/spontaneous orgasms for the past month, and now that they’re seeming to fade in intensity, my prostate is reminding me she likes to be loved on, too.
Since I can’t be loud much anyway, this is causing me to wonder if I should put my purple friend aside for a while. My initial reaction is a horrified, “NO!” The deep thrusts hitting the AFE/A-spot is the only thing that brings on the crying/uterine orgasms… though… oddly enough, the nipple/OM orgasms have been inducing tears and a softer emotional pull (rather than the deep/core emotional response). And I can keep them going for a while — for as long as I feel like playing with my nipples or my clit. (I’ll alternate so nobody gets sore.) The whole time I feel this swirling of energy in my torso, pushing outward, sometimes upward like it wants to come out my throat/voice, but vocalizations during these kinds of orgasms are more glottal stops rather than moans — I might see if I can specifically direct that energy next time (tonight!).
And while I’m at it, I’ll just mention that I’ve had the strangest, spontaneous shooting of energy down my left leg. It happens while I’m at my desk, especially if I’ve had a scalpgasm. The energy going down is a new one for me. Since starting Kundalini work, I’ve tried to focus on energy going up the spine and down the front. These scalpgasms go around the back of my head, up, then down my neck to my back. Very different for me. Also, when I’m in bed, I will barely brush my fingernail over my left hip flexor, and the entire skin area of my left leg zings with energy — feels like a million little ants are crawling on my leg at once, only it’s not creepy like that. :) It feels tingly fabulous. (I’m getting tingles across the back of my head, and down my arms and legs just proof-reading this!)
All of this leads me to think that I’m in a down-swing, or at least in a phase of integration. The bad news is my Irish impatience is gonna get really frustrated with all this… again… I thought I was finally learning how to Yin, but this is bringing the Yang to the fore like crazy. The goal-oriented, severely attached to the outcome part of me that I had been able to subside is raising doubts, disappointments, insecurity, and fear. I don’t like this one bit.
The good news is that every time there’s been a valley, the next peak has been breathtakingly amazing. So I’m trying to keep the Irish/Yang in check for the next five weeks. We’ll see if I feel more freedom as school starts, and I’m alone during the days again.
Guess, I’ll need to stock up on potstickers till August 7th.
Aroused and integrating,
In getting ready for bed, I knew that I was too tired to do much but was still feeling a bit of a buzz from my heartgasm and O’s on Friday. I did some OM technique fingering with my fingertip — maybe 4 or 5, and I orgasmed a full-body, kundalini orgasm. I kept OM-ing and kept orgasming.
The OM technique is very specific, and I was shocked (!!!) when the orgasm hit so soon. It was kind of like… “Okay, now what?”… I didn’t have to wait.
Now that I was in that energy, the O’s kept coming with little stim needed on my nipples alone. I had not done much with my breasts since experiencing painful nipple sensitivity for a couple weeks. Thankfully, that had passed.
I did a few more orgasms via OM clit stim, and felt amazing. These O’s aren’t explosive heat like the usual clit O’s, and I don’t experience any noticeable explosions in my head like true kundalini orgasms. But what I feel throughout my body is a sudden wave of whoosh!, a full-on release of energy in all directions simultaneously, but I also notice the energy racing up my arching spine, and even into my throat area. It’s as if the energy expands through me — a Big Bang rush, rather than “runs” out, the way other orgasms can taper off.
It is nothing short of incredible, and it’s happening more frequently… All in all, loverly.
Aroused and OM-ing,
* Read Part 1 here. *
So my body was buzzing from the early morning’s activities, and I did my duties for work (theatre writing) and continued plotting my domination of the world via Musical Theatre. My 12:30 p.m. alarm announced it was time for KSMO practice, and after a few snoozes o’ the alarm, off I went to hit the shower before hitting the bed to enjoy my second helping of orgasmic bliss.
I did my 20-minue KSMO practice, trying to do the single caressing (epic fail, I like constant caressing — go figure!), and still trying to get the vocalization just right. While having sex (solo or partnered) is not recommended on KSMO practice days, I was just horny. And the morning’s session had left me wanting the vaginal O part of a blended orgasm.
To stimulate my prostate, I started with the glass wand. I have had some amazing developments with the prostate stimulation. Though the clit is known for producing sudden, heated, fireworks, the She Spot (G-Spot) is known to be a slow-burner of arousal — deceptively slow, incredibly deep, full, filling arousal. For me, the vaginal stimulation now brings this full-body, core arousal much more quickly than it used to. (So ladies, if you’ve never done prostate stimulation because you’ve heard it takes a long time to get aroused, give it a try on a regular basis. Your body will probably “calibrate” to this stimulation and start getting aroused more quickly with steady practice!)
With my prostate warmed up, I started the simultaneous clit stim. Since starting KSMO, I can use a lot less stimulation on my clit. I may start off with circles, but I usually end up doing long strokes from just above the clitoral hood down to the outer labia. Nowadays, I’ll often start with some OM clit fingering, and that really gets those clitoral nerves humming. And frankly, my clit was sore from this morning.
I switched to my penisy vibrator (sans vibration) so I could rock out my A-Spot. Because I’m already extremely aroused, the fullness of the vibrator hits all the “spots” and “zones” in the vagina. And I shudder, a full-body shudder. (Actually, I think it’s an orgasm, a full-body O as the vibe goes in, but that’s just my perception of it.)
Public service announcement: Guys, THIS is why you should spend 15 to 30 minutes on “foreplay”! Once aroused, there isn’t a spot in the vagina that isn’t ready to orgasm with a little extra love. Doing this will help bring up the horrible statistics that about 70% of women NEVER orgasm during penetrative sex!!!
During the journey to orgasm, I noticed I kept stopping all stimulation. I have no idea why. I didn’t plan on this or consciously decide to stop. It just sort of happened. My body seemed to know what it wanted and how it wanted it. I would stop both hands momentarily just to feel the effects of the stimulation. For some reason, I kept doing this — both hands stimulating, pausing to feel, stimulating pausing, feeling… over and over and over. Each time, I moaned,a little higher pitched than usual — I even had the observationist critique of “Gee, I sound cheezy!” But I didn’t care. This letting the body take over was new for me, and it was delicious! Each time while pausing, I could feel sensations bubbling up and expanding not into orgasm (at the moment) but brewing something bigger, thicker, deeper.
Normally, the post-orgasm emotion begins 5 to 10 seconds after the orgasms, and even then, the emotion/tears begin softly, quickly building in intensity to full-out crying, then fading. Usually afterward, I wind up laughing at myself because I feel kind of ridiculous over the whole thing. (Jung might say I’m in ego, but after letting loose, moaning, howling, and crying, I think getting back in ego might be a good thing so I can get on with my day!)
Today, the emotion hit instantly. In fact, I was barely through the last orgasm when the crying erupted from me, forcibly bringing up emotions from my core. I know uterine orgasms are emotional, but this was raw and primal. I felt emotionally pummeled. I have no idea where it came from. I can only surmise that the catharsis of writing my breasts article and the subsequent good response touched me or knocked loose something that needed to be — could only be — released through deep, full-body, full-emotion, body/spirit integrated orgasm.
Now, I usually am so relaxed or so exhausted by this point that I doze off into a light sleep. I’ll doze about 15 minutes, roll over, and doze another 15 minutes. I’ll then lay there to feel what’s going on in my body — usually, echoes are still going on. For me, I define echoes as the after-orgasms — possibly a series of orgasms in their own right — that are contractions of the genitals and lower core: vagina, anus, cervix dipping down, clit throbbing, blood pulsating through the inner and outer labia, even my lower abdominals, and definitely my glutes still clenching, etc. I’ve noticed my hips will continue to rock well after the orgasm spectacular is over. These echoes/contractions go on for a half hour to an hour.
Today, I fell asleep almost immediately. I think I was emotionally as well as physically exhausted from the session. Not to mention the 90-minute session I’d had earlier that morning. (And people wonder why I won’t work out at a gym?!) But this was no light snooze. This was a hard sleep. In fact, I slept for over an hour. When I woke up, I looked at the clock and would have jumped out of bed if I’d had the energy. Which was another strange feeling — normally I feel energized and buzzy at this point. But not today. I was tired. And I had a weird feeling in my chest wall.
I first experienced heartgasms last Fall. Sometimes, people feel heartgasms as sudden happiness that makes them clutch their hands to their heart, or they feel as if an orgasm has just happened IN the heart area. My heartgasms were/are similar. Mostly, I feel a sudden buzzing in my chest wall/rib cage, as if my inner/astral me is trying to burst out of my physical body and go back to the spirit plane. (If you’re not into astral stuff and don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ll have to explain this in another post.)
What I felt today was a strong tug-of-war between my body and my inner/astral me that was trying to escape, to return to the spirit plane, or at least the Land of Orgasm. If I were a 60 year-old man, a smoker, or ate fried foods, I might think I was having a heart attack. Glad it was just an orgasm! :P
This tug-of-war happening at my chest wall/rib cage went on for hours. It was less intense once I had to go back to pretending I’d worked all day long and did other responsible stuff. :D But the sensations were still there. And in my genitals, I stil had the feeling of the bubbling up, expanding, full, hot, pulsating, buzz, and echoes.
I don’t like this in-between feeling. I want to definitely be somewhere — definitely here or definitely there. Though I guess if I’m definitely there, I’d be dead. Another insight into why the French term for orgasm is “la petite mort” — the little death. And maybe why we keep returning to arousal and orgasm to experience the Other Side if only briefly.
C’est la vie.
Aroused and somewhere,
In the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to get back into the KSMO thing. After the debacle (with a couple of morons) on the forum, I didn’t do anything KSMO for 2 months. In the interim, I finally tried Om-ing and was shocked by the fabulous results I had with it as well as went a couple rounds with my new glass prostate wand and have loved playing with that ever since.
Oddly enough, I began to experience painful sensitivity in my nipples. Not the whole breasts, just the nipples. This was horribly sad because I have begun to rely on nipple stim as the appetizer that leads to the entree of arousal and delectable orgasmic desert(s) later on. Also, since beginning a regular-ish practice of sensual massage, I’ve found my hands on my breasts almost constantly whenever I’m naked. (That may seem weird, but since I spent most of my life hating my breasts, I’m actually just getting to know them.)
Nipple stimulation leads to a cervical, Kundalini orgasm in 10 to 30 seconds. If I continue the nipple and breast stimulation (as I’m wont to do), I can even get aroused enough to experience what author Diana Richardson calls the “YES!” of vaginal arousal, where the vaginal opening (the clitoral cuff of the PC muscles) opens and a finger or toy slides right in — no wiggling past the fleshy opening necessary to enter. The first time I felt my vagina open like that, it was as if my vulva was sighing a sweet, “Ahhhhh….” It felt amazing. Since then, I can sense when my vagina is open like that, waiting to be entered by… something. In fact, I’ve found myself awakening in the middle of the night from a sexual-infused dream and without touching my shaved vulva, I can tell I’m fully opened and in “YES!” mode.
With little notice, my nipples became painfully sensitive a few weeks ago. Even the air flow from the ceiling fan was painful. This made me pay attention to the rest of the breast (which, admittedly, is overlooked by men as well). I can only surmise that the pain was related to my hormonal cycles — it began a week after my period, through ovulation (think I caught the egg this month!), and a week after. This past week has been miraculously back to normal in sensation. However, the cervical O’s only came back in the last day or two, and they’re not as strong — but I did notice that the intensity is building back. Will have to work on those. :)
As for the energy in my legs, I don’t have much to report other than I’ve noticed weird pulsating, energy zaps down the backs of my legs recently. It feels like contractions (but not like a leg cramp). It’s as if it’s building energy, starting in my lower glutes/upper hamstrings and down to my calves. Strong sensations but not unpleasant.
I had full-body O’s during this last session with lots of energy in my legs — which is great because my legs are strong and tend to be very active during the last phase of arousal (shaking profusely) and during orgasms themselves (kicking out, pulling up, kicking out again, etc.). I can even feel my prostate coming back to life, which had also gone dormant in recent months.
As for regular orgasms, I’ve had my orgasms in the past few weeks, but they hadn’t been as satisfying as I’ve become accustomed since last Fall. I don’t know if this is related to the nipple pain or not. The breasts are indeed the gateway to orgasm (for me, anyway), so that may have been the cause for (what I consider) the lackluster orgasms — they were localized to the genitals, and even when they extended upward, they weren’t full-body… more … one-hit of orgasm, but not even an explosion. (Yes, this was with blended O stim.)
On the brighter side, I woke up from some sensual dream at 3:45 a.m. today, and unable to sleep, I laid in bed as I do with my legs spread open and massaged my breasts and labia. It was fabulous. I can’t count the number of cervical O’s I had with the breast stimulation, and even had a couple of energy zings from minor OM clit stimulation.
Will have to see where all this leads next… Being on my period, I won’t be able to play inside until Saturday or Sunday… well, I could, but man, I hate the “Clean up, aisle 12″ scenario. Guess it’s just me and my breasts till then!
OM is the clitoris-centric practice brought to the masses by Nicole Daedone, author of Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm. In her TEDtalk, “Orgasm: The Cure for Hunger in the Western Woman,” Daedone explained how she came to OM-ing and how it changed her. She says she’s not a New Age “woo-woo” person, but I won’t hold that against her. :) Daedone is obviously passionate about getting this revolutionary information out to women, and so am I!
Speaking for myself, I find clit-only stimulation and orgasms to be extremely boring — or I did, before OM. Having discovered my She Spot over a decade ago, I’m rather an aficionado of blended orgasms, stimulating both my She Spot and clit simultaneously to achieve both the full-body waves of the vaginal orgasm and the fireworks’ explosion of heat of the clitoral orgasm. Since becoming acquainted with my prostate last fall and making peace with my breasts, I have been on a path of rediscovering my body now that I see it as truly mine — not a man’s plaything or a child’s source of nourishment.
I hesitated to even try the OM technique, which only lasts 15 minutes, because it is a couple’s practice, and I’m single. I tried it the first time and didn’t get much out of it, but that was completely my fault. After years of blended O’s, stimulating just the clit was weird, made even weirder because the fingering technique is not the hard and fast circles of friggin’ off women are so used to seeing in porn and doing on themselves. The OM touch is a gentle, subtle touch that I didn’t appreciate at first.
Clitoral orgasms are typically localized to the clitoral area, with an explosion that doesn’t leave any lasting orgasmic contractions the way vaginal orgasms do (for me, anyway). The clitoris is itself much more than just the “rosebud” visible from the outside. Also, after years of being on the vibration bandwagon thanks to effective marketing that makes women think “assisted” orgasms are better (they’re not), I had absolutely no feeling in my clit at all, unless I used a vibrator. My clit was dead. Having thrown my Hitachi Wand in the dumpster a year ago, I had to give my clit time to heal from the nerve damage while I began my new life as a Recovering Vibratoraholic. It was then I realized that by using a vibrator on my clit and a g-spot vibe inside to orgasm, I hadn’t actually touched my lady’s loins in a damn long time — this was exacerbated by my new life and new stresses as a single mother. The past year of bodily and orgasmic explorations brought me back in touch with the amazing textures, capabilities, and ever-changing environments of my genitals. I only WISH I’d known about OM-ing a year ago!
My second go with OM-ing was late at night, when I was in bed and generally feeling very Zen — i.e., lazy but not sleepy. I was too tired to drag out a toy and expend the energy that would entail, so it seemed to be the perfect time to try OM again. Thoroughly relaxed — a rarity for me, I allowed myself to have a goalless, non-attachment philosophy toward OM-ing. OM is simple and unpretentious, similar to how I like my sex. After all, OM is a technique to make orgasms better, not necessarily to orgasm at that moment — which was good because the thought of a lackluster clitoral orgasm wasn’t appealing. (I was tired, not crazy.)
I set the timer alarm on my phone for the requisite 15 minutes. As I lay there in the dark, with my nightly meditation CD playing, I began the finger technique on my clit — a very precise technique on an exact part of the clit — and began to have the most amazing sensations. Heat began to rise up from my clit and circulate like spirals of arousal energy snaking up my body and down my limbs. (You don’t have to subscribe to chakras and chi to get the benefits of this mojo either.)
I could have lived in this energy forever, and knowing I wasn’t trying for an orgasm seemed to take some pressure off, and before I knew it, a huge, full-body orgasm hit. My back arched, my legs kicked out, and I made my moans that I love so much. It was incredible. Actually, it was multiple. I kept up the precise fingering, and the wave/explosions kept hitting.
It was like having two separate experiences at once: #1: an in-body experience of the orgasms and feelings themselves, and #2: an out-of-body/observer experience that was shocked that I’d just had a full-body O via clit-only stimulation — and not the frantic circle stim either, but the soft, light, unassuming OM flick of the index finger across my long-unappreciated clitoris.
Then the 15-minute alarm sounded. I have never hated my phone more than at that moment!
The next surprise was the tears. Since finding my true orgasmic potential, my orgasms are always multiples, and the denouement is always emotional. The harder the gut-wrenching sobs, the stronger and more numerous the orgasms were. Crying after a clit-only session was definitely a new one for me!
Since then, my clit has been more responsive to touch and required less stimulation during my other orgasmic pursuits. While I’m still learning about clitoral and vaginal orgasms and how they differ due to the different major nerves that feed feeling to the separate areas, I’m a big believer in OM.
The only downside I can see to OM is that men may view it as yet another practice in which they do all the “work” while the woman gets all the “benefits.” These insecure men probably wouldn’t appreciate the subtle genius of OM anyway. ***NOTE: Since the clit and the head of a man’s penis are synonymous, I would theorize that the OM technique could be quite delicious on the man as well, just re-set the 15-minute timer. :) ***
Yes, OM recommends a particular set-up or sacred space called “the nest” to create atmosphere as well as comfort. OM requires a specific position for both the woman and her partner. OneStroke Lube. 15 minutes. But once the OM-ing is done, you can both hit the bed (or the diningroom table) and continue with the merry-making. (Any straight man who wouldn’t want to spend 15 minutes’ quality time with his woman spread eagle on his lap needs help.) And for those who are woo-woo-minded, Tantra and other sex practices acknowledge that it takes 15-30 minutes of stimulation to get a women fully aroused and in the multiple orgasm zone. OM is a great way to spend that 15 minutes.
OM is available through OneTaste, which offers classes, videos, and workshops to hone the OM technique as well as improve the communication of the couple. After all, “relationship” is the active relating to another person. How often is sex bad because there is no relating between the people involved? Have a look at OneTaste’s Essentials Package for starters.
Have you tried OM-ing? Let me know by leaving a comment below!
To watch Nicole’s presentation at TEDxSF, click play:
Just throwing this out there… In the free-flow chat last night (or the other night — can’t remember now), another chick and I both said that we sometimes have to do the KSMO key sound twice to get it into that really low (awkward) placement. I wondered if anyone (guys or gals) had experienced that.
I was doing my KSMO this morning, which I time with the stopwatch on my phone. By the time I finally got the key sound perfect the first time around, my alarm went off! Grrrrrrrr…
I also noted that I tend to do nipple-only stim the first 10 minutes, then move a hand south to my genitals and caress the exterior of the vulva for about 5 minutes, then the last 5 minutes is internal caress stimulation (single caressing!) on my She Spot. By this time, though, I AM extremely hot and bothered, so maybe natural arousal is kicking in and contributing to the husky sound? Otherwise, unnatural, husky vocal production is dangerous to the voice (and speech pathologists everywhere will back me up on this). I want to be safe with my voice while furthering my experiences on the KSMO path to blissed out orgasms. But doing the key sound is starting to hurt, actually.
I’m wondering, too, if I should do a full-body warm up before doing the KSMO protocol — the same way a singer should do a full-body warm up before vocalizing. It really does get the blood flowing to the vocal folds as well as wake up the belly-breathing respiratory subsystem. I might do that next time and report if it helps make the key sound better from the start or at least more fluid.
In that chat, we also talked about the importance of making sure the mouth is open wide enough — not too wide, but your mouth SHOULD be open. The placement of the jaw really does matter in sound production whether you’re singing or having orgasms — i.e., the KIND of sound you produce, resonance, as well as volume. All of this affects the voice.
And one gent had a great quote about why making sound during arousal and orgasms is NATURAL. Good thing I’m loving’ my moan.
Aroused and vocalizing,