Copyright 2012 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
It’s been said that every woman fakes orgasms at some point. Well, I’m here to tell you I never did. Never. I never had an orgasm during partnered sex, and I sure wasn’t going to fake it. I made sure the guy knew I wasn’t seeing god, or cosmic rainbows, or magickal unicorns just because his penis was inside me. He could deal with his ego later.
Recently, I read a particular, highly recommended book on cunnilingus but had a difficult time finishing it. The anatomic information was mostly good, but the male writer’s anecdotes about female orgasm were peppered with sexist, rude, even misogynist remarks I simply could not overlook. Having admitted that he was bad at sex and suffered with erectile issues, the author made the egregious comment that screamers and women who throw their heads back are “obvious” orgasm fakers.
I wanted to throw the book across the room, but unfortunately, I was at a restaurant. (Yes, I read sex books while eating… lunch.)
Women are complex creatures and are, thusly, capable of complex, varied types of orgasms. It only makes sense that the body and the face would have different corresponding reactions. Yes, I said body. Were you only watching her face?
For a traditional clitoral orgasm, the orgasm is localized to the clit/genital area. The woman’s torso will most likely crunch forward. The hips/pelvis will tuck or raise up off the bed. Her face will similarly be “crunched” into a look she wouldn’t really want to make otherwise: furrowed brow, gritting the teeth, even jutting the jaw forward. (I could go into my theory on why this is but I would have to bore you with vocal science and the pedagogy of phonation.)
A vaginal/She Spot orgasm tends to be a full-body wave type of orgasm that washes over the body but lacks the explosion of the clitoral orgasm. The woman’s mouth will be open, the jaw down and back, and she may moan differently because of it. Her head may tilt backward, and she may even arch her back. Please note the vagina has numerous spots capable of various kinds of pleasure and responses.
A blended orgasm that stems from both clitoral and vaginal/She Spot simulation is one of the most sought after orgasms because of its full-body wave effect coupled with the clit explosion. This orgasm can induce both crunching forward and wild hip motions, plus arching backward, head back, and delicious moaning.
Other types of orgasms include nipple O’s, cervical O’s, orgasms of the P-spot, the K-spot, the perineal sponge, urethral/urination orgasms, anal O’s, and anywhere else on the body that she is super sensitive to touch.
Of all the physically-based orgasms, the most intense, for me, personally, is the uterine orgasm. The uterine orgasm is brought on by stimulation of the cervix and A-Spot, coincidentally stimulating the prostate/She Spot at the same time. This results in a compulsory doubling over and emotional outburst — a true gut-wrenching thrashing usually accompanied by uncontrollable crying. Not pretty crying either. So the face of this orgasm is kind of like a nervous breakdown — a bit unnerving for onlookers but soul-shatteringly amazing to experience.
These signs are for physically-based orgasms that most people can do without much effort. Use plenty of lube, work the spots, communicate — not very difficult. However, energy-based orgasms cause the body to twist and contort in ways unimaginable.
Kundalini orgasms are known for inducing a sharp, sudden, involuntary arching of the back, in both women and men. While some men consider arching the back to be a “woman’s” type of orgasm, I like to think of this phenomenon as a “human being’s” orgasmic response. For Kundalini orgasms, the mouth may be wide open, deep moans being heard, while the head is bent so far back, you might think the woman is going into a gymnast’s backbend. All of this is involuntary. (And pretty frickin’ incredible!)
So what is the face of a woman who is having real orgasms? Not something she’d want posted in the church’s Sunday bulletin, that’s for sure. If the woman can, in any way, be considered to look “pretty,” she’s not having a real orgasm.
If she is crunching forward and her face looks as if she is somewhere between “really pissed off” and “warrior queen about to rip your limbs from your body,” then she’s probably having a real orgasm. If her head is back, her mouth open, and her brow slightly to fully furrowed, that’s a great sign of a real orgasm as well. When her arms fly up over her head, don’t be offended! This doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to hold on to you. Especially if her hands wind up behind her head, this is a great sign of a deep, powerful orgasm. (If you’ve read my DailyOJ, you know I can vouch for this effect.)
Her eyes may be open during clitoral orgasms, but for most other types of orgasms, her eyes will probably be closed. For myself, I’ve noticed my eyes shoot open at the onset of blended orgasms but then immediately close again through the rest of the climax/multiple orgasms. For Kundalini orgasms, my eyes are closed, head is all the way back, hands fly up over my head, and my body rocks-and-rolls side to side while my knees come up, then my legs kick out over and over again. (Just sayin’.)
You decide: Which one is faking and which one is real?
Along with the facial contortions or the gaping jaw and arching back, her skin will become flush due to increased blood flow, her nipples may be so perky they’re reaching for the ceiling, and her hips (hell, most of her body) will be moving involuntarily. For energy orgasms, she will probably be rockin’-and-rollin’ side to side with extra contractions and rolling through her abdominals, not just crunching forward or arching backward as during physical orgasms.
If she can speak in complete sentences, or is constantly reassuring your ego, she might be faking for your benefit. If her words are incoherent and grabbing at you is her only primal form of communication, then you might be on the right track — to helping her orgasm.
More importantly, don’t be so visual. This isn’t porn. This is a real, live woman. You need to feel her reactions. When a woman is close to orgasm, especially if any clitoral stimulation has been done, the clitoral bulbs that form a “horseshoe” over and around the vaginal opening expand with blood flow, just as the penis expands with blood flow during arousal. This feels like a vice-grip clamping down on your penis.
(Side note: My asshole ex-husband used to tell me he didn’t like the vice-grip feeling because it made him start to lose his erection… so that’s probably why I never orgasmed with him.)
Remember, guys. You cannot “make” a woman orgasm. Orgasm begins and ends in the woman’s mind — not just her brain. Stimulate her mind first and the body will follow suit. In fact, the face and body will tell you everything if your sexual relationship is rooted in honest communication.
What does your face look like in orgasm? Send me a picture, and I just might post it!
My Musical Theatre training is probably to blame.
I need even less stim than ever, ironically — one or two flicks of a fingertip, and the orgasms start. They are full-body and oddly satisfying, but my back isn’t arching as much — I can’t even feel my cervix dipping down anymore, or it’s too subtle to notice. The orgasms flow through my body rather than “hit” my body or “explode.” And the ceiling fan is no longer a potential mate.
Whenever a new development occurs, it is usually startlingly noticeable. So very different, so impactful that I have to notice the new reactions my body is having. Then after a month or two, the initial effects fade, or become integrated, and I have to re-learn my body all over again.
But I don’t like starting all over again… okay, it’s not starting “all” over again, but it seems that way. As soon as I learn how to drive this thing, it adds another gear I have to learn to maneuver. In fact, when I occasionally go back and read what I’ve written, I remember the experiences in the post vividly, but it feels like they happened so long ago, that it couldn’t have been just a few weeks ago?!
The couple of times I’ve had the opportunity to use my purple friend (vibe sans batteries) — a couple weeks ago and this morning, a plethora of neighbors has been home in the adjacent apartments. I am now more convinced than ever that SOUND is crucial to bliss. The arousal isn’t as satisfying when I can’t make my loud sounds — not intentionally loud, but just my natural exclamations during the arousal and orgasmic process. And when I can’t be as loud during the orgasms, the orgasms are not as full-filling. They don’t fill up my body. Because my focus is on my body (my voice) remaining inside/ internal (i.e., quiet), the orgasms are localized to the genital and lower abs area but they are not explosive, they are full body wave-like, minus the full body aspect. And they’re not as emotional. So really, I am very annoyed right now.
That being said, I did a hands-on blended O early yesterday morning that was stunning. I haven’t been spending quality time with my prostate like she deserves… seems I’ve been all over these nipple/spontaneous orgasms for the past month, and now that they’re seeming to fade in intensity, my prostate is reminding me she likes to be loved on, too.
Since I can’t be loud much anyway, this is causing me to wonder if I should put my purple friend aside for a while. My initial reaction is a horrified, “NO!” The deep thrusts hitting the AFE/A-spot is the only thing that brings on the crying/uterine orgasms… though… oddly enough, the nipple/OM orgasms have been inducing tears and a softer emotional pull (rather than the deep/core emotional response). And I can keep them going for a while — for as long as I feel like playing with my nipples or my clit. (I’ll alternate so nobody gets sore.) The whole time I feel this swirling of energy in my torso, pushing outward, sometimes upward like it wants to come out my throat/voice, but vocalizations during these kinds of orgasms are more glottal stops rather than moans — I might see if I can specifically direct that energy next time (tonight!).
And while I’m at it, I’ll just mention that I’ve had the strangest, spontaneous shooting of energy down my left leg. It happens while I’m at my desk, especially if I’ve had a scalpgasm. The energy going down is a new one for me. Since starting Kundalini work, I’ve tried to focus on energy going up the spine and down the front. These scalpgasms go around the back of my head, up, then down my neck to my back. Very different for me. Also, when I’m in bed, I will barely brush my fingernail over my left hip flexor, and the entire skin area of my left leg zings with energy — feels like a million little ants are crawling on my leg at once, only it’s not creepy like that. It feels tingly fabulous. (I’m getting tingles across the back of my head, and down my arms and legs just proof-reading this!)
All of this leads me to think that I’m in a down-swing, or at least in a phase of integration. The bad news is my Irish impatience is gonna get really frustrated with all this… again… I thought I was finally learning how to Yin, but this is bringing the Yang to the fore like crazy. The goal-oriented, severely attached to the outcome part of me that I had been able to subside is raising doubts, disappointments, insecurity, and fear. I don’t like this one bit.
The good news is that every time there’s been a valley, the next peak has been breathtakingly amazing. So I’m trying to keep the Irish/Yang in check for the next five weeks. We’ll see if I feel more freedom as school starts, and I’m alone during the days again.
Guess, I’ll need to stock up on potstickers till August 7th.
Aroused and integrating,
In the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to get back into the KSMO thing. After the debacle (with a couple of morons) on the forum, I didn’t do anything KSMO for 2 months. In the interim, I finally tried Om-ing and was shocked by the fabulous results I had with it as well as went a couple rounds with my new glass prostate wand and have loved playing with that ever since.
Oddly enough, I began to experience painful sensitivity in my nipples. Not the whole breasts, just the nipples. This was horribly sad because I have begun to rely on nipple stim as the appetizer that leads to the entree of arousal and delectable orgasmic desert(s) later on. Also, since beginning a regular-ish practice of sensual massage, I’ve found my hands on my breasts almost constantly whenever I’m naked. (That may seem weird, but since I spent most of my life hating my breasts, I’m actually just getting to know them.)
Nipple stimulation leads to a cervical, Kundalini orgasm in 10 to 30 seconds. If I continue the nipple and breast stimulation (as I’m wont to do), I can even get aroused enough to experience what author Diana Richardson calls the “YES!” of vaginal arousal, where the vaginal opening (the clitoral cuff of the PC muscles) opens and a finger or toy slides right in — no wiggling past the fleshy opening necessary to enter. The first time I felt my vagina open like that, it was as if my vulva was sighing a sweet, “Ahhhhh….” It felt amazing. Since then, I can sense when my vagina is open like that, waiting to be entered by… something. In fact, I’ve found myself awakening in the middle of the night from a sexual-infused dream and without touching my shaved vulva, I can tell I’m fully opened and in “YES!” mode.
With little notice, my nipples became painfully sensitive a few weeks ago. Even the air flow from the ceiling fan was painful. This made me pay attention to the rest of the breast (which, admittedly, is overlooked by men as well). I can only surmise that the pain was related to my hormonal cycles — it began a week after my period, through ovulation (think I caught the egg this month!), and a week after. This past week has been miraculously back to normal in sensation. However, the cervical O’s only came back in the last day or two, and they’re not as strong — but I did notice that the intensity is building back. Will have to work on those.
As for the energy in my legs, I don’t have much to report other than I’ve noticed weird pulsating, energy zaps down the backs of my legs recently. It feels like contractions (but not like a leg cramp). It’s as if it’s building energy, starting in my lower glutes/upper hamstrings and down to my calves. Strong sensations but not unpleasant.
I had full-body O’s during this last session with lots of energy in my legs — which is great because my legs are strong and tend to be very active during the last phase of arousal (shaking profusely) and during orgasms themselves (kicking out, pulling up, kicking out again, etc.). I can even feel my prostate coming back to life, which had also gone dormant in recent months.
As for regular orgasms, I’ve had my orgasms in the past few weeks, but they hadn’t been as satisfying as I’ve become accustomed since last Fall. I don’t know if this is related to the nipple pain or not. The breasts are indeed the gateway to orgasm (for me, anyway), so that may have been the cause for (what I consider) the lackluster orgasms — they were localized to the genitals, and even when they extended upward, they weren’t full-body… more … one-hit of orgasm, but not even an explosion. (Yes, this was with blended O stim.)
On the brighter side, I woke up from some sensual dream at 3:45 a.m. today, and unable to sleep, I laid in bed as I do with my legs spread open and massaged my breasts and labia. It was fabulous. I can’t count the number of cervical O’s I had with the breast stimulation, and even had a couple of energy zings from minor OM clit stimulation.
Will have to see where all this leads next… Being on my period, I won’t be able to play inside until Saturday or Sunday… well, I could, but man, I hate the “Clean up, aisle 12″ scenario. Guess it’s just me and my breasts till then!
(*In response to men’s take on nipple stimulation and what they like.*)
Got into an interesting debate on the difference between porn & erotica last night. Especially in regard to how the female body is treated for the sake of men’s ogling. Erotica is much more women-friendly than porn, especially with all the rampant crap that is available on the internet. Female-centered erotica with real orgasms is the hallmark of IFeelMyself.com. Every (straight / bisexual) man should watch some of that.
Kissing and sucking a man’s nipples is a true delight for me. I mean, I really love it. I do chest worship on a man — cupping the chest / pectoral muscle with my hands, massaging the skin, muscle, and nerves, while sucking the nipple — the way men like to suck female breasts. LUV LUV LUV doing that! But the guys I’ve tried it on said it felt weird (in a bad way) to them, or that it didn’t do anything for them. Either they weren’t allowing themselves to enjoy it (too “feminine” perhaps?), or I had really lousy technique (which I doubt, but anything’s possible).
The treatment of the breasts is one of my main oppositions to porn. My ex-husband once (and only once) lifted one of my breasts and dropped it like I know he’d seen in porn. I couldn’t believe he did that!! Or that he thought that would feel good?!! But he’d seen it in porn, and those women “liked” it (because they were directed to react that way and they were paid to pretend to like it, moron!). It hurt incredibly, and I felt it was horribly disrespectful to me and to my body. (Later, he would make a comment about my breasts that cut me to my core — the kind of thing that is just not forgivable and will never be forgotten (it is etched in my soul), and I knew then he had never respected me as a woman or my body as something sacred and special. I was a possession to him. Wish I’d realized that a long time before then…)
And back on the topic of breastfeeding a child — Yes, some women experience a closeness to their child, but not all of us. At least, not when you spend 45 minutes every two hours having small gums cutting your flesh as they try to feed. Some women even orgasm while breastfeeding. So it might be comfortable for other women, but it sure wasn’t for me. I still have the scars. So “rock on!” to the women who enjoy breastfeeding — I didn’t, but that was my personal experience.
As for the light flicking of a tongue across my nipples, yes that can send a “zing” down south, but I love feeling a man’s warm, wet mouth full-on sucking my breasts. This can bring practically instant cervical / Kundalini orgasms. Delicious! And don’t forget — the underside of the female breast (below the nipple-areola complex) is rife with nerve endings just waiting to be stimulated by gentle caresses and nibbling and kisses!
That book, Tantric Orgasm for Women, made so much sense! (Will write a review soon!) As we know, the nipples are wired directly to our lady’s loins, so I truly believe the breasts are the gateway to female orgasm. Breast worship is a lovely beginning to the main event, anyway. Also, Tantra teaches that, in women, the upper lip is also wired directly to the clitoris, so kissing her upper lip, or letting her kiss you all over has lots of side benefits for her and for you. (For men, the lower lip is connected to his genitals.)
And thanks for the info that men’s nipples seem to be wired to the perineum / anal area. Good tip! I have done perineal massage on myself in the past, but didn’t notice much.
In the past few weeks, I’ve noticed a bit more in the perineum, as well as the nerve endings around my anus. Beyond adding a little pressure to the (external) perineum, I’m not sure what else to do. I am beginning to explore the perineal sponge (inside) a bit more — really loving the initial explorations! And with a couple fingers in my vagina playing with my She Spot, my pinky keeps finding its way to my anus. A slippery slope (quite literally!), but I’m not ready to mix the two (vaginal & anal) yet. I will eventually, but sometimes it already seems like so much “work”.
And I really appreciate men being so willing to talk about all this from your male perspective. You give cynical women like me a reason to hope for the male of the species.
And thank you for putting up with my bouncing around on topics. Writing in “stream of consciousness” is my forte`, and I like to share something new when the thought arises… Now, if one of yous guys can tell me why men grab their own ass during sex, I just might be set for a while…
Aroused and zinging,
(* In response to a comment by a woman who was “fascinated by your cervix positioning depending on your cycle, & your awareness of it.” She also asked if I’m aware when my ovaries release an egg. *)
Years and years ago, I got in the habit of doing a general vaginal check every night in the shower… after all, I can’t tell a guy what’s going on in there and what’s what if I don’t know, right? So in the shower every night, I wash off and shave my outer labia and mons veneris. I insert a clean finger (usually middle) and circle the inside a few times. I can feel whether the cervix is high or low or Goldilocks. I can check the texture of the vaginal walls, prostate, perineal sponge, etc., for any changes in texture. And I check the color, opacity, and odor (none, thanks!) of my fluids / discharge. This is of course, before washing further south and behind — whether in the shower or in bed, the best practice is front to back.
Over time, I noticed the difference in my cervix at different times of the month. An interesting thing I saw in a nerd TV show (some Discovery show), was an MRI or CT scan of a woman during orgasm (so it was a 2-D side-view). The video showed that the cervix dips down to “scoop up” would-be semen to help it get to the uterus. So with knowing what my cervix feels like inside, I’ve been able to associate feelings during stimulation and orgasm during the month. Nipple stimulation can give me a cervical orgasm in about 30 seconds, but in the days leading up to my period with the lowered cervix, it’s more like 5 seconds and the cervical O’s are even stronger.
I’m trying to allow the cervical orgasm first, as a warm-up before direct genital stimulation, to integrate all the different sensations of the different kinds of orgasms — particularly the new power button of the female prostate. But sometimes it just feels like there aren’t enough hands in the room! (Because it’s just me!) I miss the theatre orgies of my youth, darn it. Plenty of hands around when you need ‘em.
Just to sound crazy, yes, there have been several times when I felt a “pinch” in the area of one of my ovaries, but I cannot testify that it was indeed me dropping eggs like a hen. However, by doing the nightly vaginal “howdy-do” in the shower, I have noticed several times that in the midst of clear discharge a small lump of translucent, spherical/elliptical …
something?… about a millimeter or two in diameter that made me say, “OMG, that’s an egg?!” … But again, no empirical proof.
Of course, these are just my experiences and observations. These statements have not been approved by the FDA, and your mileage may vary.
Aroused and journaling,