Copyright 2012 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
It’s been said that every woman fakes orgasms at some point. Well, I’m here to tell you I never did. Never. I never had an orgasm during partnered sex, and I sure wasn’t going to fake it. I made sure the guy knew I wasn’t seeing god, or cosmic rainbows, or magickal unicorns just because his penis was inside me. He could deal with his ego later.
Recently, I read a particular, highly recommended book on cunnilingus but had a difficult time finishing it. The anatomic information was mostly good, but the male writer’s anecdotes about female orgasm were peppered with sexist, rude, even misogynist remarks I simply could not overlook. Having admitted that he was bad at sex and suffered with erectile issues, the author made the egregious comment that screamers and women who throw their heads back are “obvious” orgasm fakers.
I wanted to throw the book across the room, but unfortunately, I was at a restaurant. (Yes, I read sex books while eating… lunch.)
Women are complex creatures and are, thusly, capable of complex, varied types of orgasms. It only makes sense that the body and the face would have different corresponding reactions. Yes, I said body. Were you only watching her face?
For a traditional clitoral orgasm, the orgasm is localized to the clit/genital area. The woman’s torso will most likely crunch forward. The hips/pelvis will tuck or raise up off the bed. Her face will similarly be “crunched” into a look she wouldn’t really want to make otherwise: furrowed brow, gritting the teeth, even jutting the jaw forward. (I could go into my theory on why this is but I would have to bore you with vocal science and the pedagogy of phonation.)
A vaginal/She Spot orgasm tends to be a full-body wave type of orgasm that washes over the body but lacks the explosion of the clitoral orgasm. The woman’s mouth will be open, the jaw down and back, and she may moan differently because of it. Her head may tilt backward, and she may even arch her back. Please note the vagina has numerous spots capable of various kinds of pleasure and responses.
A blended orgasm that stems from both clitoral and vaginal/She Spot simulation is one of the most sought after orgasms because of its full-body wave effect coupled with the clit explosion. This orgasm can induce both crunching forward and wild hip motions, plus arching backward, head back, and delicious moaning.
Other types of orgasms include nipple O’s, cervical O’s, orgasms of the P-spot, the K-spot, the perineal sponge, urethral/urination orgasms, anal O’s, and anywhere else on the body that she is super sensitive to touch.
Of all the physically-based orgasms, the most intense, for me, personally, is the uterine orgasm. The uterine orgasm is brought on by stimulation of the cervix and A-Spot, coincidentally stimulating the prostate/She Spot at the same time. This results in a compulsory doubling over and emotional outburst — a true gut-wrenching thrashing usually accompanied by uncontrollable crying. Not pretty crying either. So the face of this orgasm is kind of like a nervous breakdown — a bit unnerving for onlookers but soul-shatteringly amazing to experience.
These signs are for physically-based orgasms that most people can do without much effort. Use plenty of lube, work the spots, communicate — not very difficult. However, energy-based orgasms cause the body to twist and contort in ways unimaginable.
Kundalini orgasms are known for inducing a sharp, sudden, involuntary arching of the back, in both women and men. While some men consider arching the back to be a “woman’s” type of orgasm, I like to think of this phenomenon as a “human being’s” orgasmic response. For Kundalini orgasms, the mouth may be wide open, deep moans being heard, while the head is bent so far back, you might think the woman is going into a gymnast’s backbend. All of this is involuntary. (And pretty frickin’ incredible!)
So what is the face of a woman who is having real orgasms? Not something she’d want posted in the church’s Sunday bulletin, that’s for sure. If the woman can, in any way, be considered to look “pretty,” she’s not having a real orgasm.
If she is crunching forward and her face looks as if she is somewhere between “really pissed off” and “warrior queen about to rip your limbs from your body,” then she’s probably having a real orgasm. If her head is back, her mouth open, and her brow slightly to fully furrowed, that’s a great sign of a real orgasm as well. When her arms fly up over her head, don’t be offended! This doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to hold on to you. Especially if her hands wind up behind her head, this is a great sign of a deep, powerful orgasm. (If you’ve read my DailyOJ, you know I can vouch for this effect.)
Her eyes may be open during clitoral orgasms, but for most other types of orgasms, her eyes will probably be closed. For myself, I’ve noticed my eyes shoot open at the onset of blended orgasms but then immediately close again through the rest of the climax/multiple orgasms. For Kundalini orgasms, my eyes are closed, head is all the way back, hands fly up over my head, and my body rocks-and-rolls side to side while my knees come up, then my legs kick out over and over again. (Just sayin’.)
You decide: Which one is faking and which one is real?
Along with the facial contortions or the gaping jaw and arching back, her skin will become flush due to increased blood flow, her nipples may be so perky they’re reaching for the ceiling, and her hips (hell, most of her body) will be moving involuntarily. For energy orgasms, she will probably be rockin’-and-rollin’ side to side with extra contractions and rolling through her abdominals, not just crunching forward or arching backward as during physical orgasms.
If she can speak in complete sentences, or is constantly reassuring your ego, she might be faking for your benefit. If her words are incoherent and grabbing at you is her only primal form of communication, then you might be on the right track — to helping her orgasm.
More importantly, don’t be so visual. This isn’t porn. This is a real, live woman. You need to feel her reactions. When a woman is close to orgasm, especially if any clitoral stimulation has been done, the clitoral bulbs that form a “horseshoe” over and around the vaginal opening expand with blood flow, just as the penis expands with blood flow during arousal. This feels like a vice-grip clamping down on your penis.
(Side note: My asshole ex-husband used to tell me he didn’t like the vice-grip feeling because it made him start to lose his erection… so that’s probably why I never orgasmed with him.)
Remember, guys. You cannot “make” a woman orgasm. Orgasm begins and ends in the woman’s mind — not just her brain. Stimulate her mind first and the body will follow suit. In fact, the face and body will tell you everything if your sexual relationship is rooted in honest communication.
What does your face look like in orgasm? Send me a picture, and I just might post it!
As my fingertips parted the opening of my vagina for the entry of the afternoon tampon, I had a sudden flashback to the days when I had sex — with that asshole husband of mine. So I’m slightly hormonal right now. I could really use a hug — and my pizza — if the fucking pizza guy would fucking hurry up and fucking deliver my fucking pizza already! And there’s no reason for this post except that I — Oh, brownies!
Where was I?
Oh, yes, fingers — vagina — tampon……
One of the great things about having spontaneous and stealth orgasms is that I no longer have to fight the urge to clit stim an O while I’m on my period. Sure, sex and masturbating while on my period are fun — a little slippery and messy, but doable with a towel and the understanding that the cervix is tender so hard fucking probably isn’t gonna happen — sorry, guys, will have to be * s l o w * sex, which means it probably will be emotional. That’s not a problem is it? Is it?! IS IT?! — What? They don’t do that in porn??? FUCK PORN!
Okay, so most women will not admit to masturbating with a tampon in, but let’s just assume that at least once in her life, a woman has.
Where is that fucking pizza?!
So I have this flashback to this time (one of several) when I was on top and his hands went from my hips to maneuvering a not so subtle reach-around where his fingertips parted my vaginal opening so he could come inside. I didn’t say anything at the time — I should have — but not only does that feel WEIRD, it can also kinda hurt. ASSHOLE!
Here’s the thing… My vagina is smarter than you.
My vagina is an amazing world that still astounds me. She has her own fauna and flora system, her own pH, her own nerve system that bypasses the spinal cord and plugs directly into the brain, is capable of several different kinds of orgasms, different kinds of lubricating fluids, and she’s just fun to play in.
However…. if the vagina isn’t ready for sex — fully, completely ready for sex — she will not be fully open. A vagina that is truly ready for insertion will be literally O P E N — regardless if the insertible is a penis, sex toy, finger, or oblong vegetable! The juices will be flowing, the tissues of the labia and the vagina swollen with arousal, and the opening of the vagina can even be slightly turned outward toward the insert-er as if to say, “My vagina says YES! Come on in!”
Bear in mind that for many women those bits of odd-shaped edges at the vaginal opening are actually the remnants of the hymen. As such, they don’t have any means of getting wet on their own. This is an excellent example of trickle-down lubrication. Vaginal fluid is clear and most easily created by stimulation of the A-Spot near the cervix. The prostate also creates fluid, but it is thicker and less slippery than the clear vaginal fluid. These fluids have to literally “trickle down” to the opening of the vagina in order for the opening to be lubricated as well. So splitting the vaginal opening with the tip of a finger, penis, toy, or cucumber when the vagina is NOT ready for sex can be awkward for the woman, if not downright PAINFUL.
So guys, please… “Foreplay” actually has a function. Foreplay does not exist to make the guy wait to come inside. Without foreplay or some kind of stimulation that really gets the vagina hot and bothered, the beginning of sex can be painful. (And you perhaps wonder why a woman is a “cold fish” during sex???!!! Just “lays there”????!!! Well, that happens when your body radiates with pain, asshole!)
Just 15 to 30 minutes of breast worship, sensual massage, yoni puja, and/or cunnilingus will do just fine. The time required will depend on the woman, but since, statistically, the average guy only lasts 2 minutes once he’s inside, I’d think you men would want to drag out the foreplay as much as possible, too.
Please note, however, that a little fluid at the gates doesn’t mean the whole vagina is ready. For me, a few quick stealth O’s only takes seconds to experience, and I can feel the rush of fluid press against the opening tissues. I part the opening carefully with my fingertips — with very short, trimmed nails, thank you! I feel the texture of the fluid and know what kind of fluid it is — usually clear, vaginal. But just being wet doesn’t mean my vagina’s ready for my purple silicone friend, Sparkles.
Men, I love you. Honest. And because you love us, do your woman a favor. Just because you’re ready to come inside doesn’t mean her vagina is ready for company. Enjoy the rest of her — her body, her mind, her sense of humour, her emotions, her humanity — and remember that the woman is more than just a warm, wet respite for your erection.
Fuck… I’ll just make Chess Chewies.
Aroused and opening,
I have a little more to report but it is similar to my previous journal entry on my expanding awareness and experiences with awakening my female prostate and the wonders it is slowly revealing to me. But I don’t want to seem redundant — it’s not exactly the same ol’ song, but perhaps a variation on a theme.
With the Turkey holiday, I was not at home by myself during the days last week, so my KSMO practice dropped to nill. By Sunday, the schedule was almost normal (because school would be back in session for my daughter Monday). So Sunday night, I decided to enjoy some solo sex as it was my day off from KSMO, and I was off my moon (Auntie Flo had left the building!). My female prostate was buzzing back to life, and I was just plain horny.
I don’t know what happened, but I enjoyed the upswing to orgasm and the after orgasm, but somehow missed the explosion of the orgasm itself. It reminded me of my old She-Spot orgasms (She-Spot stimulation only) where the build up can blend into the after-orgasm without that “cresting of the wave” or as I term it, the “explosion” of the orgasm.
But this on Sunday, almost felt like a let-down. Although it was deliciously pleasurable, without that “cresting” at the top of the wave/orgasm, all I got was the denouement. But I kept stimulating, wanting to come “again” — and this time feel it. But I stayed in the after-O state for a good 20 minutes before I just gave up. Now, please know, this all felt really good. In the after-orgasm phase, I’m still highly aroused, making sounds, rapid breathing, legs shaking constantly, everything pulsating and contracting. I just really love that explosive part of orgasm.
Then Monday, I really felt my female prostate all day. When I went to the bathroom, my FP (female prostate) was pleasurably noticeable. Around 2:00 p.m., I figured I’d skip the 20-minute KSMO practice and just take care of my FP which seemed to really want some attention. So I did.
As in the previous post, stimulating my prostate (just the finger pumping of the FP, no clit stim) for 10 seconds at a time was more than I could handle. I had to stop 3 times. Again, I thought I’d just use my penis-shaped vibe (minus the vibration) to achieve orgasm, assuming it would be less intense than the FP/finger pumping. AGAIN, I was wrong. I couldn’t handle that either.
I would start the finger pumping — instantly , my hips shot up off the bed, I was whining/moaning, and I didn’t last more than 10 seconds — literally. I stopped, my hips dropped to the bed, and I was panting, out of breath as if I’d just run up 10 flights of stairs. I’ve never felt anything like this. Ever.
So I gathered my courage and attempted it again — with the same results: hips reaching to the ceiling, me whining/moaning, unable to stand the intense pleasure erupting from my prostate. I stopped, dropped to the bed, and panted.
Determined to conquer whatever this was, I went for it a third time with the same results — again — after only 10 seconds — again.
I brought my fingers out of my vagina. Panting. I was not sure what to do next, but I suddenly started crying. I was feeling all the great pre- and post-O arousal I normally feel but at the same time.
Finally, I decided to just go for it. I didn’t care about the neighbors or if anyone could hear me. I made sounds I’ve truly never made before, felt things I’ve never felt before, and I wanted it to go on forever. I wouldn’t have minded if I didn’t have the explosion part of orgasm because, frankly, I didn’t know if I’d survive it. But if I’m gonna go, I figured this would be a great way to die. :-)
When the explosion happened, I almost sprang off the bed. I burst into a million stars and floated up. I was there with the Universe. I was the Universe. It was absolutely indescribable, the feelings of being connected to everything at once, infinite joy, love, peace — just as I’d felt in my dream / astral experiences.
My physical body burst into gut-wrenching tears, and I cried uncontrollably, heaving sobs my body is not used to emitting. My body was doubled over, then jerking back into tension-filled arches, then doubling over again, over and over, convulsing from the emotion of what I had just experienced — all while I was still orgasming from the emotions springing from my core, my awakened prostate, and experiencing this uterine orgasm for the first time.
I don’t know how long the orgasm lasted — yes, I kept going with the vibrationless-vibe because for me, stopping the stimulation at or just after orgasm feels like having my soul plucked out from under me. So I kept going through the post-orgasms — the quaking after-shocks of hundreds of smaller orgasms and contractions of the clit, She-Spot, cervix, uterus, anus, legs shaking, hands and feet buzzing with energy. Except these weren’t smaller like they usually are — they were intense. I finally stopped because it was so powerful I actually thought I might really die from the pleasure — a full-body heart chakra attack… and I was blubbering like an idiot.
This experience seemed to last forever, but looking at the clock it was only 2:45. How could I have experienced “forever” in less than 40 minutes? And to be honest, I really needed a big hug. Sometimes being alone truly is lonely.
*** Read Part 2 of this journal entry. ***
Aroused and awakening,
(*In response to a friend who is on a journey with a new toy, her pelvic hum, bioenergetics, dreamwork, singing, and lots of inner work.*)
Awesome! Will definitely get that toy then… One of the things I’m fascinated by, vaginally speaking, is how it doesn’t feel cylindrical in there. It feels more rectangular (and wider than you’d think it would be), and those nooks and crannies are so cool to explore! And when the walls are swollen with arousal and seem to squish my fingers, it is a completely different feeling than when the vagina is in “Yes!” (as Tantra guru Diana Richardson says) when the walls seem to be elevated and the opening is wide, ready, and waiting for entry.
Another reason the shower check each night is pretty cool — circling the cervix with my finger as it dips lower than usual, I sometimes wonder, “How the heck did a kid come out of here?!” That toy will be a welcome addition to Expedition Vagina. More field work, indeed!!
Re: the buzz in the pelvic/ She-spot area — This is another reason I LOVE belly dancing. The hip isolations really get you in tune with the lower region. And in Pilates or Yoga, doing Goddess Pose (sometimes called “Horse Stance” — ugh! ), with the feet wide apart, then you bend the knees to lower yourself down (in ballet, it’s a grande plie`). This alone can get you in touch with the pelvic floor and the orgasmic power in the lower core area. But try some pelvic tilts — they can be yummy!
LISTEN TO YOUR GUIDES!!! I can also tell that KSMO’s full potential of awakening is there, too. I’m “Gretel” to its breadcrumbs, so I’m trying really hard not to chase but allow. But I’m kinda setting a deadline of Yule to see more results — not as a pass or fail grade, but just to see what can happen .
I’m reminded of a great line from YENTL (one of my fave movies), when Mandy Patinkin’s character lists off all the things “Yentl” (Barbra Streisand’s character) has in her life, and he asks, “What more could you want?” And she simply says, “More.” That’s my problem. I want more. And lots of it. Yesterday.
I’m a competitive person, so when I don’t accomplish something, my arts training kicks in, and I start going over where I could have done better, rehearsed longer, rehearsed better, been more focused, etc. Letting go of the A-part of my AB personality is tough. I’m also an ENTJ, the “Commander/Field Marshal” personality — y’all may have noticed.
I’ve made it where I am in my career as a full-time artist because I didn’t let failure or rejection defeat me, and I have followed the adage, “I’ll find a way or MAKE a way.” Overcoming, or at least setting that part of me aside, has been the most difficult part. Also because I haven’t been with a partner in a looong while, and a little over a year ago, I set out as a single mom, and responsibilities took precedence over pleasure.
I need to be in the right head space to practice, albeit not perfectly. I try to think of Buddha’s logic, that we are perfect in our imperfection — which means I’m frickin’ fabulous! HA!
My dreams are coming back — yay! And I hope to have another volcano dream soon. I had one a few months ago, and it was my second volcano dream ever — but it was so synchronistic with what’s happening in mind, body, and spirit. Soon, I can put my “order” in to the Universe for my Mr. Right-For-Me Dream Man to appear… probably in the next couple of years, which is a nice thought to think about.
Aroused and dreaming,
(* In response to a comment by a woman who was “fascinated by your cervix positioning depending on your cycle, & your awareness of it.” She also asked if I’m aware when my ovaries release an egg. *)
Years and years ago, I got in the habit of doing a general vaginal check every night in the shower… after all, I can’t tell a guy what’s going on in there and what’s what if I don’t know, right? So in the shower every night, I wash off and shave my outer labia and mons veneris. I insert a clean finger (usually middle) and circle the inside a few times. I can feel whether the cervix is high or low or Goldilocks. I can check the texture of the vaginal walls, prostate, perineal sponge, etc., for any changes in texture. And I check the color, opacity, and odor (none, thanks!) of my fluids / discharge. This is of course, before washing further south and behind — whether in the shower or in bed, the best practice is front to back.
Over time, I noticed the difference in my cervix at different times of the month. An interesting thing I saw in a nerd TV show (some Discovery show), was an MRI or CT scan of a woman during orgasm (so it was a 2-D side-view). The video showed that the cervix dips down to “scoop up” would-be semen to help it get to the uterus. So with knowing what my cervix feels like inside, I’ve been able to associate feelings during stimulation and orgasm during the month. Nipple stimulation can give me a cervical orgasm in about 30 seconds, but in the days leading up to my period with the lowered cervix, it’s more like 5 seconds and the cervical O’s are even stronger.
I’m trying to allow the cervical orgasm first, as a warm-up before direct genital stimulation, to integrate all the different sensations of the different kinds of orgasms — particularly the new power button of the female prostate. But sometimes it just feels like there aren’t enough hands in the room! (Because it’s just me!) I miss the theatre orgies of my youth, darn it. Plenty of hands around when you need ‘em.
Just to sound crazy, yes, there have been several times when I felt a “pinch” in the area of one of my ovaries, but I cannot testify that it was indeed me dropping eggs like a hen. However, by doing the nightly vaginal “howdy-do” in the shower, I have noticed several times that in the midst of clear discharge a small lump of translucent, spherical/elliptical …
something?… about a millimeter or two in diameter that made me say, “OMG, that’s an egg?!” … But again, no empirical proof.
Of course, these are just my experiences and observations. These statements have not been approved by the FDA, and your mileage may vary.
Aroused and journaling,