I have decided that I need to take a break from posting my DailyOJ reports.
One, I am at a place in my awakening (and re-awakening) in which my posts would just be redundant, which accounts for why I have not been posting as frequently. Also, I am really delving into the creation of my Tantric orgasm program, that I hope to have available by the end of 2014.
The orgasm training — while kinda kinky-sounding, is actually a holistic program of awakening the body to bliss while helping to heal previous trauma or current sexual function or body image issues. In my program, I will have physical exercises, health information, mediation tracks, and much more (and yes, men can do it, too!).
So, please keep reading ArousedWoman Blog because I’ll be back with AW Radio very soon! And of, course, send me your AskTrish questions — I had to take down the question submit page on ArousedWoman.com because one person was grossly abusing it.
For updates on my orgasm program, sign up for my newsletter.
Aroused and awakening all over again,
- Contact Trish for a consult
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- Take the ArousedWoman Orgasm Questionnaire
Yesterday, I had a wonderful session, typical of a weekend morning — feeling lazy, lounging in bed thinking blissful thoughts, enjoying stealth orgasms. But amidst the laissez-faire “art of nothing,” I decided to get out my glass toy (because I was home alone), and this led to a fantastically multiple delight that finished in an emotional release that rivaled any uterine orgasm.
Today, I set aside time for my session — again, I’m home alone, which means I really wanted to use the big guy. I never have a particular goal in mind, except to have the experience without too much pre-planning or judgment of what happens.
Every session has 3 to 5 parts (or rounds) to it. I usually begin with a meditation/sensual massage, then perhaps my orgasm training (11 to 22 minutes), then hands-on blended climax orgasm, wait a few minutes then bring myself to a climax orgasm with my glass toy, then wait 5 to 15 minutes to use the big guy to a glorious climatic finish that leaves me breathless from the beauty and intensity of the orgasms and crying from the overwhelming emotion that radiates through me, releasing my energy in a gush from me to the universe.
That is my usual schedule. Sometimes, I don’t do sensual massage before my orgasm training session, and sometimes, I’ll not do the hands-on, or I’ll start hands-on and switch to glass. And there is the occasion that I don’t go for the big guy — sometimes, I’m just exhausted by that point or my arm is just too tired to wield that sucker.
Today was just weird. My prostate re-awakening that had begun again has lasted longer than any other time she’s done this, except I’ve noticed a decline in my prostate’s pulsating with the stress of the past week and no urination orgasms in the past couple days. The awakening even lasted through my period, which it has never done before, so I was really anticipating these feelings in my prostate being a daily thing from now on…. I secretly hope she really kicks back in within the next day or two.
Lying in bed this afternoon, I didn’t do the massage, but my breasts really needed attention. I spent several minutes sucking my nipples and having back-arching nipple orgasms. I felt between my labia, as I often do after a nipple or soft-touch clit orgasms, to check for sudden fluid at my vagina’s opening. Sure enough, I was coated with vaginal fluid, the super thick, super slick fluid. I had the sudden thought to get the big guy and just see if I can put him in. This was a challenge I’d wondered for a while — do I really need all those prep rounds before I use the big guy (who is 2 inches wide), and even more importantly, can I get wet enough to use this cyberskin toy with no lube? Normally, I always use lube — cyberskin just isn’t the same as real skin. Now, I had an opportunity to take this challenge. And I did.
I got the tip inside and waited for it to sting as it always does. Except it didn’t this time. For a while, I’ve had a theory that the reason it always stings as the tip enters my vagina is because of my aroused prostate — the sensation is always a stinging sensation as the toy’s tip and corona slide against my prostate. I assumed this is because, by the time I use the big guy, I’ve had several climax orgasms, and my prostate is in super arousal — which is why I always wait 5 to 10 minutes, sometimes even 30 minutes between my glass toy climax and grabbing the big guy — to give my prostate time to relax. I’m still very aroused and enjoying the after-orgasms, but my prostate does seem to go down in size a little bit, making entry with the big toy slightly easier. If I don’t wait that 10 minutes or so, using the big toy is very painful, and I feel like I’m being split in two — in a very bad, painful way. I wonder if I just have a small vagina… my labia are small, too…. but then, so are my ears, and that doesn’t effect my orgasms…. so whatever…. I digress….
After sliding him in and out several times, I felt my vagina clench him, and I knew that was a good sign. Though I noticed, I didn’t feel much in the rest of my body. Focusing on what I was feeling and not judge it or analyze it at the time is incredibly difficult, especially when trying something new, and even more especially when the results are less spectacular than what you were hoping. And that is what happened. In fact, I thought back to my previous sexual partners, and this is exactly what I felt — or didn’t feel — nothing beyond the genitals. Today, I felt nothing like what I’m now accustomed to experiencing: full-body waves, uncontrollable moaning/hollering, legs shaking and flailing wildly, head thrown back — my orgasms are amazingly fantastic and such a full-body workout that I don’t go to the gym (though society would say I need to lose weight). But this, today, was so disappointing — just like my previous sex partners…. I did climax, and it was nice…. As I’ve said before, the worst orgasm I have nowadays is infinitely better than the best orgasm I ever had before my sexual awakening. And since I’ve never orgasmed with a partner, even this lackluster experience was better than the sex I had with my ex or others.
As I lay there, afterward, I waited for the emotion to hit. It didn’t. I waited for the waves of heat and fuzzy glow to fill my torso and heart. Never happened. I waited for the energy to shoot down my arms and legs. Nope. Nada. I felt nothing, just like after sex with my previous partners. The climax had been localized to my genitals. This was horrible! I was confused, and I was pissed off. I used my big toy! He always brings on emotional uterine orgasms! I KNOW he was hitting my A-spot and cervix — what the FUCK?!!
I lay there, regretting the experiment because it seemed to cement for me something that I’d long wondered. I really do need the prep rounds to have the ecstatic climaxes that truly rock my world. The problem with this? What if I need these prep rounds with a partner to have my oneness-with-the-universe orgasms? What if I need all this prep every time — men get annoyed with “foreplay” as it is, what man will want to go through bringing me to climax a couple times before he can even come inside? Guess this means quickies are out of the question. I’m almost dreading having a partner again. Ugh….
On a final note, I did notice a sudden hit of arousal about 30 minutes after the big toy debacle. Suddenly, the after-orgasms really kicked in, I felt energy in my legs, and warmth in my torso. It was as if my body thought the climax with the big toy was just the beginning and was now ready for the next round — after all, my body is used to going 3 to 5 rounds every time. This also proved, yet again, just how important my prostate has become in my sexual journey. Women who only stimulate their external clit and ignore their prostate — what the hell?! GET IN YOUR VAGINA, WOMEN!!! Love your prostate!!
I always set aside about 3 hours for these sessions, and I love them. Now I see I really do need a certain routine in order to have the orgasms and climaxes I’m accustomed to having. My next partner will just have to deal with it or move on.
Aroused and learning more each day,
Read Part 1.
Today is Sunday, and I’m alone in the house. I lounge around in bed, having my nipple orgasms and the occasional soft-touch clit orgasms (as I like to do on weekends). The weather has been riddled with thunderstorms for a month now, and the steady rhythm of falling rain makes for perfect lazing around and dozing off and on in my comfy bed.
By 11 a.m., I figure the neighbors are all out doing their thing, and it’s probably safe to have a full session. After a few more nipple-gasms and clit-gasms, I can feel the juices pushing against my inner labia wanting to spill out. Instead of opening my labia with my fingers, I opt for some vaginal exercises instead. Various squeezing and rolling of the muscles of the vagina (no, not the PC muscles), I have some small vaginal orgasms, due to the walls of my vagina brushing against each other (including the area of the She Spot).
Now, my juices are spilling out on their own, wetting the tops of my thighs, and I can feel my juices sliding down my buttocks. Slipping my fingers inside, my prostate is so swollen, I know I have to have a couple of climax orgasms first if I am to get my cyberskin toy inside. Yes, I want a full session.
(Side note: Something I figured out along the way in the past couple of months was that I couldn’t do some “foreplay” stimulation inside and then insert the cyberskin god. The last couple of times I tried that, it hurt. I’ve realized that while my prostate is horny and swollen, let her have a couple of climaxes first, rest for 5 to 15 minutes, then go for the big toy. Otherwise, he doesn’t fit — a lesson perhaps for others who have trouble accommodating a large penis.)
I let my fingers play all around my prostate, which has been awakening again thanks to my orgasm training and not allowing stress to rule my life. My prostate’s changes in texture during various levels of arousal is incredible. I can tell just where I am in my arousal by which tendrils of my prostate are “poking” through the anterior vaginal wall. It feels like putting your finger inside a pin cushion — you can feel the pins poking your finger (but this doesn’t hurt, of course).
With the awakening of my prostate, the barest touch brings a sudden hit of pleasure that is right there at the boundary of pleasure and pain. For a few days now, she’s been waking from her stress-induced slumber; and every time I go to the bathroom, the urination orgasms get stronger. They start out as almost painful but not quite — and since I know this process, I know what I’m experiencing. There is no actual pain, and the key is NOT to clench UP on the urinary muscles but to relax and release them — almost pushing down and out, which makes the U-orgasms stronger (and even more awesome). I can experience 2 or 3 climaxes each time I go to the bathroom. After each time, I notice the water in the toilet is cloudy. The stronger the urination climaxes, the cloudier the water. Again, knowing what’s happening is important as pain during urination and “cloudy” urine can be a sign of a urinary tract infection. But again, there isn’t any pain — just lots of multiples pleasure, and the cloudiness is from the prostate, which creates creamy lube — vaginal fluid is clear.
I do my both-hands-on stim — 2 fingers of my left hand inside with my right hand on my external clit. This feels amazing, and it goes on for about 15 minutes. I can tell I’ve slipped the gear for climax and gone straight into the higher aroused state, which can last for a half hour, an hour, or longer, just depends on when my body can manage a climax at that point… or if my wrists and shoulders give out.
Not really wanting to spend an hour on this with no guarantee of a climax (though lots of orgasms are happening!), I decide to get out my glass toy. The glass toy does the trick. Reaching the exact spot of my She Spot is a little difficult sometimes — she moves around depending on how aroused I am and how swollen my internal erectile tissues are (and the layers of vaginal muscles pushing in). This is the main reason men have trouble locating and keeping track of the “G-spot” — SHE MOVES!
The glass toy has become an integral part of my sexual/sensual routine. The glass toy is not a penis “replacement,” as it isn’t shaped like a penis — more like a really strong finger that can reach up inside to the spots I can’t, even up to the A-spot, though I’m concentrating on my prostate to keep her awakening/training on schedule.
The climax with the glass toy is stunningly glorious, and better yet, emotional! I associate my climax orgasms with a deep emotional connection — just like I need my sex — and since I had not cried after a climax in about two months, this was a welcome return to my orgasms as I know them and love them.
I am satiated and assume I’ll just lay back, maybe doze off, enthralled in the bliss of orgasms and a multiple climax. After about 10 minutes, I think, “Why not try the cyberskin and see if he fits?” Agreeing with myself (as I often do), I reach for him and apply some of my favorite lube (I always use lube with toys — it’s just not the same as skin on skin). I take a deep breath, and press the tip of my most favorite toy to my vaginal opening, and on my exhale, I try to slide him in. I get the tip in, and it stings a little as it always does — darn horny prostate! :-) I breathe again, and on the exhale try pushing him in a little further. I can feel him passing through the opening of my pubic bone, stretching me to my max. Slowly bringing him a little further in, I start crying. It feels so amazing, I literally start crying and having orgasms. And I’m not moving him! This has only happened once before, so I wasn’t completely surprised… just pleasantly surprised… and so awestruck by the emotion as well as the physical and subtle body sensations coursing through my body.
I move him slowly for several minutes — he felt amazing — but I wasn’t sure how long I could last in that orgasm stupor, so I sped up the thrusting a bit, and that sent me into orgasms. I speed up further, and I’m soon crying even more from the pleasure. I thrust him as fast as I can, and I’m off in another level of orgasm I’d missed for the past 2 months. When the ultimate climaxes started, I am in such a state: crying, orgasming, and moaning sounds that are practically howls of rapture. My climaxes are not localized to the clitoris; they are full-body and go upward and outward not downward. I am in vertigo and floating. This is where I love to be. I am home.
I keep the climaxes going as long as I can — until my hands absolutely must fly up over my head, and so they do. By this point my crying is deep, wracking sobs, my knees up pulled up to my chest, and my hands up above me, fingers splayed.
I’m sure anyone watching this might be a little freaked out. :-) But female orgasm is a powerful force of Nature. And I love being a force of Nature. )O(
Aroused and powerful,
For regular readers, you’ll recall that I took a break back in March while my personal life got sorted out and I finally became a free woman. I took another, sudden departure from writing here at AW Blog in July because I suddenly got laid off from my main writing job on July 2nd. For lack of a better term, this unexpected loss of income sent me into a stress-filled panic that is still bubbling under the surface, but I’m handling it better now.
I am a single mom, and over the past year and a half, I have really begun to rely on that sole income to keep us going while I built my little activist empire here at ArousedWoman. I stopped doing my other radio show (on Musical Theatre) to focus on my activism here, and I felt that was the right choice at the time. But with my income suddenly gone, I had to stop this work here and literally fling myself back into Musical Theatre to salvage what I could of my career there — I had intended to go back to Musical Theatre, of course, just not so soon.
In the process of trying to figure out how the heck I’m going to earn a paycheck, my orgasm practice had slipped by the wayside. With it being summertime, I was not home by myself at all — except for the rare weekend (2 weekends out of the whole summer). And with the constant stress of finding work as a writer and/or web designer, my mind wasn’t really in to going further with my practice. I felt… like I was sinking and had nowhere to go but further into uncertainty.
The few times I actually tried a hands-on session, the results were okay but not my usual stellar experience. The couple of times I was all alone and could bring out the toys (my newest glass as well as my beloved cyberskin god), the “practice” felt more like work, i.e., I was “trying” for a specific experience not allowing it to happen. Worse, the end result was a lackluster orgasm that had no emotion at all. It reminded me of my orgasms before my awakening — just physical, no connection to my self, my body, my subtle body, my heart, the universe — nothing. The experience was mechanical and while, yes, there was an orgasm, it was ultimately not satisfactory to me — not after what I’ve experienced in the past 3 years of sexual awakening.
What really pissed me off about the whole situation (aside from losing my income) is that my prostate had begun a new round of awakening the last few days of June! With the shock that happened July 2nd, I really didn’t get to enjoy the new levels of where she was wanting to go this time!
Not only did I not practice, but I didn’t want to practice. I felt a huge “What for?” “Why bother?” “Who cares?”
I cared, but as I threw my idea (from last year) to create Musical Theatre Magazine into overdrive, I had other things to take care of. I got one web design job, and I’ve started doing some writing and copy-editing for an engineer, but I need more. I’m trying to find work and stay sane while doing this blog, my other radio show, my new magazine, and keep a roof over our heads at the same time. (Shameless plug –> If you can make a donation to AW Blog & Radio, it’s tax-deductible for you!)
Anyhoo… Something in the past few weeks has been able to shift my outlook. Perhaps it was getting back into my Musical Theatre passions. Y’all know I’m a musical nerd, right?… Right?!… The unmitigated joy I have when I’m elbow-deep in Musical Theatre must have been the panacea I needed.
Simply put, I didn’t realize it at the time, but the stress over my finances had affected my orgasms. This in turn was affecting so many other things. To me, orgasms are not a titillating, giggle-inducing topic or a source for water-cooler scuttlebutt that they may be for other people. To me, orgasms are not the go-to tension reliever for falling asleep, as they are for a lot of people. My orgasms are a journey for me — from a focused meditation, through arousal that is focused on loving and discovering my body, to the transcendent experience of climax that is a connection with my core self and the universe.
For the first time in a long time, I did not feel whole. In fact, I felt broken.
Looking back, I should have remembered this story, but I was too preoccupied with basic survival. However, as I delved into my passion for all things Broadway and waka-waka-jazz-hands, I was lifted out of the panic that had begun to consume me. Though the magazine has certainly put a different kind of stress on me, it is a labor of love, not just meaningless labor.
Having the house to myself during the day, I resumed my official practice using my new meditation track I composed (that will be available on Amazon soon). Doing my new practice as I’ve designed it along with my music opened the doorway that had been slammed shut by stress.
And then, to my great surprise, my practice offered me a beautiful experience this morning….
Read Part 2!
Read Part 1.
It’s late…. and I’m later writing this than I had anticipated…. mainly because I’ve spent the past few hours dealing with the feelings in my vagina and surrounding tissues as my prostate does her thing, in yet another awakening ritual…. her third major awakening in the past 22 months.
I am so glad to be experiencing this again… As I wrote in my last post, I’ve done no practice at all for 4 months, and my body has maintained what I had attained (thankfully!). The past couple of days of just really focusing on my Tantra work and my upcoming orgasm training, I’ve felt the beginnings of my prostate stirring to life for yet another round of rocking-my-universe.
Let me be clear. She is always awake. Just because I don’t write about her or purposely “train” for prostate/vaginal orgasms right now doesn’t mean they don’t happen. THEY DO. This morning in fact, just three gentle strokes of my finger inside (just 1 knuckle deep — the prostate is right there at the opening), and I was off in orgasmland. This NEVER happened before I had my first prostate awakening. In fact, getting to a vaginal orgasm would always take at least an hour and sometimes up to 90 minutes to achieve — i.e., stimulating the “G-spot” with no external clit stimulation. But now, 3 little, gentle strokes, and I’m arching back in orgasm, moaning, and breathless, and stay that way as the waves rock me while my genitals and legs quiver for many minutes afterward.
Last night, she was really going, and tonight, I can barely sit in my chair…. I’ve had to get up and walk around just to process the amazing feelings coursing through my body.
Meanwhile, I was responding to some comments on another blog — another reason I’m behind on writing on my own blog , and reading those men’s comments — men’s clueless, clueless comments about women, our bodies, and our sex drive WHILE I’m having these awakenings and CANNOT sit still because of them, I had a thought…. Why not make a prostate awakening course?
So here’s what I’m gonna do. I will create a small video course on awakening your female prostate and post it here or on my website. Women NEED to know what they’re missing (IF they’re missing out on the amazingness of their prostate).
And maybe some men will get it, too, because the men of this world certainly need to have a better understanding of women’s vaginal orgasmic response…. well… the straight men do.
Aroused and dancing in my chair and around the room,
Forgive me, readers, it’s been almost 4 months since my last confession…. Yes… it has been almost 4 months since my last DailyOJ post, in which I expounded upon an incredible revelation with the newest member of Trishtopia’s TeamPenis.
I held off on writing up these experiences, not because I wasn’t having any experiences (I was!), but I found out that my then-husband had discovered this blog, and since the divorce was heating up, I decided to lay low for a bit. But I AM NOW DEEEEEEEE-VORCED, y’all! WOO-HOO!!!!!! I’m FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
I was also in the planning of my radio show, ArousedWoman Radio, that started as The Trish Causey Show, but I changed it to AW — and my show has taken off like crazy! I’m so happy!! Be sure to listen to the replays on the AW website and tune in to the LIVE shows on AW’s radio page. (<== shameless plug)
And honestly, I was also pretty darn pissed off that my last DailyOJ post had been rated by 5 voters at an average of 3.5 stars (out of 5 stars)…. <insert Irish rant> …. Ya know…. I started doing the rating system so people could rate my NEWS articles and possibly my OpEd pieces. But frankly, I really don’t need anyone’s judgment on MY personal sexual and sensual experiences OR on how I relay MY PERSONAL orgasmic awakening HERE on MY FUCKING BLOG. SO if you don’t like that my journey is EMOTIONAL or INNER-expansive or ESOTERIC or just not what you were expecting this blog to be because you’re fucking deluded by the KoolAid of porn and skin mags, then DON’T JUDGE ME or my experiences or HOW I CHOOSE TO EXPRESS THEM!!!!!!!!!! Go jerk off elsewhere. Seriously.
Now…. where was I… Oh, yes….
For those of you who have followed my DailyOJ, you’ll know that I have done a mix of techniques to achieve my awakening. Some worked. Some didn’t. So I purposely did not do any techniques in the past 4 months to see how my body maintains my awakening, i.e., will I lose my various orgasmic experiences by NOT practicing. The past 5 weeks in particular, my daughter has been out of school, so I no longer have a way to do my practice as I need to — with NO ONE else here (‘cuz I’m loud ).
So, did I lose my awakenings? Not exactly, but I have noticed a difference. However, with the stress of my divorce, closing out the AW Forum, starting the AW Radio show, no privacy, and just life in general, all of this probably has impacted my subtle body more than not “practicing” has. (Side note: I also tried very diligently at being vegetarian for several weeks… that didn’t work out. Sorry, my Hare Krishna friends!!)
I have also been working on designing my online orgasm training video classes that I will probably have up by September. I hope to film the video modules in August (when a specific Aussie microphone is finally available here in the U.S.). I’ve already made a meditation track to go with it, and I need to record the vocals for it. But just in the couple times I’ve done the specific meditation as I outline it in my training, the results have been very good!
Note: Stay tuned here on the blog, or sign up for my newsletter to get more info on the O training.
In the midst of all of this, I began a training practice in Tantra in February with a teacher in Miami. I’ve studied Tantra for a while, but didn’t like the cheezy neo-Tantra workshops or online classes I’ve seen, so I never bothered with those. I wanted to expand my knowledge on real Tantra and have a personal teacher I could ask questions and get legit Tantra information. The truth is that I made the mistake of starting this Tantra training during this crazy, stressful time, and never actually did any of the practices. Being certified in yoga and having studied Tantra and Kundalini, I already knew a good bit of the info and the concepts — which was affirming that I was in the right place! — and I learned stuff I didn’t know, which was great.
I also didn’t do the physical practices of the Tantra training for the same reason I didn’t do the practice I had been doing that had led to my amazing orgasmic awakenings, in the first place. So then, I felt like a bad student. I felt guilty — if a voice student had not done his physical homework and then attended a voice lesson with me, I’d be pissed. It’s a lack of respect. AND he’s not getting out of it what he could. The physical practice is required for the true transformation to happen. Awakening isn’t just mind candy. You can’t attain true enlightenment by philosophizing your way through other people’s concepts. You have to get the movements into your muscle memory, get the energy of change into every cell in your body as you awaken to the changes you feel in your subtle body. This doesn’t automagically happen just because you sat your ass on a mountaintop. You gotta do the work! :-) And I knew that… and I purposely laid off the physical work… so I was just a bad student….
Thankfully, my teacher is a balanced, Tantric-Zen type of dude and much more understanding than I am. :-) He knows that life is chaotic for many people.
I’m also in what I call a chrysallis stage — that phase when the being is in a cocoon, morphing into a different existence. Last year, I embarked on a decidedly holistic path, and it’s led me here. Having this blog, relating my experiences, doing my radio show that features so many of the topics that interest me — from sex to Astral Travel, from politics to arts and culture, and so many other esoteric concepts — I really do feel whole. And this is what I wish for others. To feel that same sense of whole-ism, not feeling scattered amidst the chaos of their home life, work, raising kids, going to school, putting up a front for society’s approval. Be whole. Be you. You’ll be much happier.
And then…. just as I was rounding out this month…. my radio show is getting thousands of listeners…. my divorce finally signaled I am a FREE WOMAN!…. working on my orgasm training…. I spent the last couple of days re-doing some of my Tantra training… and then POOF! I felt my prostate come alive the way she has 2 or 3 times now, just before an incredible new level of awakening happens…. and so I’m sitting back and enjoying what I’m experiencing…. when I can sit…. sometimes, she’s so powerful, I have to dance….
More on that in Part 2!
Aroused and morphing,
I AM DIVORCED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
I got the text message from my lawyer a little while ago that the judge signed off on the papers this morning.
I breathed a sigh of relief that I have been holding in for over 15 years.
I never wanted to be legally married. EVER. Seeing my parents crap marriage and knowing I wanted a career in the arts (which meant traveling and nude love scenes), I never ever wanted to be shackled to one man.
When I had my daughter, we decided to get married so he could claim me as a dependent (since I was only a stay-at-home-mother and didn’t actually contribute anything except working 24/7 as a mom). Once legally married, I could then get medical and dental insurance, which I had not had for a few years. And there was the added bonus of a bigger tax return as well as cheaper car insurance…. Yes…. Exactly ALL the reasons two people would want to legally bound (and gagged) together.
Standing in front of the justice of the peace, I felt my soul deflate as I had to say vows I never wanted to utter. Getting legally married was truly a soul-crushing moment for me… that lasted until THIS morning when I was granted my FREEDOM! YEEHAW!
The divorce process only solidified for me what marriage is all about. Money. Money and property. Anyone who says marriage is NOT about money and property has never been divorced. Trust me. Don’t get married in the first place. Do a Power of Attorney so you can sign off on life-saving medical procedures, but please, I beg everyone, do NOT get married. EVER. It sucks. No. I’m not biased. This is just the truth. Seriously. Marriage is evil. Stay away!!!
Or do what you want…
Doing the numbers on today’s date — 06-06-2013, they reduce to 9, which is the Hermit (or Shaman) card in the Major Arcana of the Tarot. (Yes, I do numerology. Don’t judge me.) I had thought it would be a number like 21 – The Universe, or something more appropriate like 13 – Death. :-) However, 9 – The Hermit or Shaman, is interesting. Even though I’ve been in a state of chrysalis for several years, especially since becoming a single mom 2.5 years ago, now I am truly free to search within and plan the next phase of my life.
Do I still want a relationship? Of course. And I can certainly see myself becoming handfasted again. But legally married? Never. The cheaper car insurance wasn’t worth it.
I shall revel in this moment and all subsequent moments of my life for I AM FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! I am a 40 year-old woman with years of pent up sexual energy who’s ready to pounce.
Now…. if only I could find a straight man with whom to get my Cougar on!
(YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!)
Copyright 2013 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
*Read Part 1.*
The fourth time with the new toy was a mixed, weird, confusing experience. Suffice it to say, this guy requires lube — lots of lube. I had already done a blended orgasm with my new glass toy (more on that later) to prime my vaginal opening, get the juices flowing, start stretching the vaginal muscles inside, etc. As before, the head took a couple of tries to fully enter, and as the head/corona passed my prostate, I felt a slight sting, but it wasn’t as bad as the first few times. I thought, “Great, I’m adjusting to him.” Then feeling the shaft enter, I was breathless again at the feeling of being so very filled and stretched.
Since I’d started my session early, around 10:30 a.m., I felt no rush to finish with Bob. In fact, over the next couple of hours, I would do a round of sliding him in and out slowly for about 15 minutes, then pull him out, and relax in a blissful stupor for another 20 to 30 minutes, having nipple orgasms, sheet orgasms, clit and spontaneous O’s, then I’d reach for Bob again for another slow and easy go of it.
Each time, I did not bring myself to climax with Bob, just enjoyed the orgasms from the slow and steady pace and the occasional hard and fast thrusting and pulling out to float in that bliss for a while, then starting it all over again.
Around 2 p.m., I began again, knowing I was wet from the other orgasms, I didn’t lube Bob this time. I noticed, he wasn’t moving as smoothly as he had before. I needed some lube. Then Stupid Me showed up and totally screwed this whole experience up. The feelings in my vagina were the same as when I endured friction sex while married. Though my ex-Asshole isn’t nearly this wide, he hated me getting too wet. This dry, friction feeling was then “familiar,” and being a little lazy, I thought I’d just put up with it because I really wanted the great orgasms I’d had the other few times with this toy.
Every time Smart Me said, “Man, I need lube,” Stupid Me overruled that inner voice with, “You put up with it when you were married, put up with it now and finish.” As the friction got to be too much, Smart Me won the debate, and I put a little bit of lube on the toy and re-inserted. I felt immediate stinging, more stinging, then being filled by the shaft, and then a surge of heat — not in a good way. I continued on, now that he was properly lubed, imagining my Dream Man, and long story short, I finished. Yes, the orgasm was great… but it was… weird… but it was beautiful… but weird.
I felt a strange emotion — yes, I cried, but there was something else. During that last bit, I had a realization of just what this toy represented for me. The images and feelings conjured during this session were so intensely powerful, I instantly knew who he was. The experience had become emotional during the session, and now, afterward, I wanted to give him a name, a sacred name. And I did. And I cried some more. I lay there for a while in my reverie, feeling a new awareness of completeness.
Knowing I needed to get up, I realized my fingers felt a bit strange, so I looked at them. My hands were covered in blood. I wasn’t on my period. I looked at the toy, and he was bloody, too. I got up and went to the bathroom and opened my legs up to the full-length mirror. My labia and thighs were bloody, and I had an immediate flashback to when I was raped at 21, after which I bled for 4 days. I remembered a couple other times I bled a little after friction sex.
As it so happened with this fourth time with this toy, I bled that night and the next day, but that was it. I have not noticed any blood or change in vaginal discharge. I never felt any pain, aside from the uncomfortableness in the moment of the “friction sex” before I re-lubed the toy.
In fact, in the couple days since, today now being 03-03-13, I have enjoyed all my usual orgasms and my new gentle-touch prostate orgasms. Everything is functioning perfectly.
Which leads me to an esoteric interpretation… In the very emotional moments of that last part of the session, I had a very clear vision of my Dream Man. He was absolutely clear to me. He is a feeling and an energy. I knew him so well, I called him a sacred name for the very first time, and I subsequently bestowed that name on the toy who is his physical representation for me.
Blood has a life force. Blood used to be an important part of rituals and taking oaths. To this day, Christians symbolically ingest the blood of Jesus when they participate in the ritualized cannibalistic practice of Communion/Eucharist. As a pagan witch, considering who and what this energy/feeling began to represent — my Dream Man, I’m not surprised that blood would have manifested as a sort of initiation with this new, clear vision — a consummation, as it were.
And yes, I know I sound crazy — I’m an artist, I always sound a bit crazy. Most people are so keyed in to the physical side of sex or climax, they miss subtleties of energy or awakenings that may be present. This vision I saw is no different than imagining a scene in one’s mind to help the arousal process along, but the difference here is that he appeared to me, and I knew him instantly.
Esoteric interpretations aside, I will have to see how using “Bob” (no, that’s not his sacred name!) goes tomorrow or the next day. I did not bleed the other 3 times, so I’m hoping that with plenty of lube, Bob and I will be hunky-dorey in our future rendezvous sessions.
Seriously, though, this experience was powerful for me, and though the blood had me a bit worried for that day, I’m hoping it was just a fluke… or an initiation.
Aroused and pondering the possibilities,
Copyright 2013 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
Recently, I wrote a mild-mannered review of one of my newest additions to my orgasm accoutrements, the Adam PleasureSkin Cock. I tried to keep the review on point, but I wanted to elaborate a bit here. I’ve now used this toy 4 times, so I can adequately recommend this guy with some hindsight and careful considerations — though, I still whole-heartedly recommend this toy for those who are experienced large toy/large penis aficionados.
The toy, which I’ll just call “Bob,” is made of “PleasureSkin” and has an insertible length of 6.5″ and a width of 2″.
I was concerned that 6.5″ would not seem like that much as the shortest real penis I’ve ever had was 8″. Noting that in the Amazon reviews, a few women (and a couple men) mentioned how long it took to get the thing in, I definitely went slowly and used more than my usual amount of lube. I also spent extra time beforehand on yoni massage to warm up the skin around my vagina’s opening since a large penis can stretch the flesh uncomfortably (read: excruciating pain!).
The conical head slid in part way, then stopped. I brought him out, then tried again, giving an extra little push. There was slight pain — more like a stinging sensation — at the anterior wall where my prostate is. My first thought was, “I’m surprised the pain isn’t at the fourchette (the “bottom” of the vaginal opening), so I must have done enough yoni massage — good.” My next thought was, “Anything that upsets my prostate gets thrown in the dumpster.”
It took 3 very slow tries to get the head in, each time stinging. Once the head was in, the shaft did not have the same effect on my prostate, so I proceeded. I made the mental note that a prostate-based orgasm before using this guy might not be ideal since my prostate swells with fluid and the tendrils of the prostate “poke through” into the vagina during arousal. (That feels much better than it sounds!)
Once in, I was taken aback by just how full I felt. Like other reviewers, I thought the sheer width of this thing had issued me a challenge, and I was determined to win. It took a good 10 minutes of repeatedly slow, methodical entry and withdrawal for me to get this thing even a few inches in. And even after using “Bob” 4 times now, I haven’t gotten him more than about 4.5″ inside. (Yes, I felt like less of a woman because I couldn’t take any more of him in. I must have more issues to deal with. Dammit.)
The width is absolutely delicious. In fact, just thinking about how this thing feels inside…. I… I………. I……… OH MY FUCKING GOD, YES! This is the most wonderful-feeling toy I have ever tried!!! Even more than the feeling of the toy inside was the feeling of the toy between my fingers of my right hand as I slid him in and out with my left hand. This toy absolutely feels like a real penis to the touch. Even running my fingertips over the balls was so incredibly familiar, I began having a surreal moment in which I didn’t have to imagine a man in my man’s eye, this thing made the man come to life in my body and my mind. To say nothing of the sensation of the balls against my butt… delicious!
I moved my hand over my clit, and she was swollen like I’ve never felt her — my entire mons pubis seemed more swollen than ever before. With my hand on top of my mons, I could actually feel the different parts of the toy as he slid in and out — especially on the out. Bringing him all the way out with a little “pop” sound, my clit and mons pubis felt the same as when they’re normally aroused. Once he was back in, she was so swollen again, I was amazed on how full she felt from the outside. I tried to focus on both feelings at once — my full clit and the gentle push past my labia as he re-entered… I couldn’t focus on both. It felt too good to focus on any one thing, actually.
The first time I used him, I experienced a huge climax. I was left emotional, crying, panting, writhing, back arching, legs kicking out, until another round of orgasms hit, and I was moaning all over again. Finally, I couldn’t maneuver this thing anymore, and my hands went up over my head, and more emotion, more crying, breathless panting, and uncontrollable writhing. Then began the after-O’s, a series of progressively smaller orgasms that usually last about a half hour that eventually taper off to simple hip movements and glutes clenching, until even that subsides, and I’m in a type of vertigo bliss.
The second time I used this guy, I made the mistake of changing my hand position in the middle of the hard thrusting — instead of just holding it, I tried an over-hand hold to lessen the weight on my wrist. Big mistake. Changing technique in the middle usually spells disaster for arousal, and sure enough, I felt the instant drain of sensation as my nerve receptors switched gears. It took a couple minutes holding it the regular way to get back to that level of arousal and then finish. I made the mental note not to make that mistake of changing in mid-stream again. The climax was fantastic, though.
The third time I used Bob, I spent over 15 minutes just moving him in and out very, very slowly. I cannot describe how sublime this felt. (I don’t think most men appreciate the slow approach or slow sex, which is a darn shame. This was heavenly.) My inner labia grew even more sensitive to the feel of him as I progressed, until the nerve endings in my labia were all lit up, giving extra sensation to the motion. But he was getting heavy in my hand, and I knew I wanted to finish fast and hard. I almost hated speeding up because I could have stayed in that “neutral” zone for hours, however the bliss was electric and emotionally stirring.
The fourth time with him was a mixed experience… and completely unexpected…
* Read Part 2. *
These will be separate categories but they certainly intertwine in their importance. Overall health is required for vibrant sexual response — even if you’re not with a partner. You cannot be truly healthy if you exercise a lot but then eat junk food on a regular basis. Likewise, eating a healthy diet but not allowing your body to utilize its full range of motion can adversely affect the muscles, tendons, ligaments, even your bone density and skeletal frame.
There is energy transference from the food you eat; and if you ingest unhealthy, “dead” energy, you are unhealthy, “dead” energy. The body can mask the mounting long-term effects of eating the Standard American Diet (SAD) until it seems too late. However, no matter how old you are or how long you’ve been out of shape, it’s never too late to revamp your approach to your health. After all, erections and orgasms require happy muscles and healthy blood vessels!
Your approach to balancing your overall health should include stress-reducing practices such as moderate exercise and meditation(!!!). No New Age woo-woo stuff here, people. Science is finally catching up to what yogis have known for millennia. Meditation is very good for you! Not only is meditation great for your mind, but it is also beneficial for your body by increasing oxygen intake, lowering blood pressure, and controlling stress hormones.
On the short list for topics, I will be discussing diet choices for aphrodisiac nutrition, primal/paleo vs. vegetarian/vegan, vitamins and minerals supplements, as well as fitness tips for functional strength/resistance training, flexibility, and range of motion, and other lifestyle choices that will keep your body in optimal orgasmic health. This summer, I hope to begin a video series on all this as well.
You only have one meat-suit, people. Take care of it while you’re using it this lifetime.
I’ve found a new way to enjoy my stealth orgasms — the orgasms that are brought on by little or no physical touch. I wasn’t looking for a new approach to my quieter, yet, oh so fulfilling full-body waves of bliss, and yet I have stumbled upon “sheet orgasms.”
While doing the barest of nipple stim and reveling in delicious nipplegasms, my legs open wide of their own volition. My hips move in their own dance, and my head is back in breathless euphoria. With it being colder now, I sleep with my duvet cover on, and I happen to be snuggled under the covers this morning. I move my hand to my labia, first outer, then inner labia, loving the change in her texture and posture.
My inner labia begin close to my vagina, but as arousal progresses, my inner labia extend upward, outward, as if standing at attention — the frilly edges more taut as they fill with blood in their own erections. Barely brushing my fingertips across my erect labia, the full-body waves begin, and I feel expansion in my heart chakra. I’m still amazed that slow, barely-there touch is so fulfilling, and infinitely more tender than hard frigging off.
I’m back on to nipplegasms, having gotten into a pattern of nipplegasms then barely-there gentle-touch clit O’s, and back again. On the weekends, I do this for hours, not getting out of bed until around 2 p.m. — except on the Saturdays I make a concerted effort to get up by noon to catch the vendors at the farmers’ market. But this is Fat Tuesday, Mardi Gras, and everything is closed. I can stay in bed all day.
Back arched and head back, the nipplegasms are on auto-loop at this point. As my knees part wide, falling open 180-degrees on the bed, the weight of the duvet presses the sheet toward me. The sheet brushes my erect inner labia, and a jolt of energy surges up my body. I thought it was a fluke, a wonderful accident, but I try it again, lifting my hips slightly. Sure enough — ZAP! There it is again. I lift my hips the same way, and the full-body waves begin. My hips circle several times, make figure 8′s in both directions as I learned in belly dancing, circle some more, then lift and lower in a plain ol’ back and forth motion. I am breathless as the stealth orgasms fill me and energy zings up my legs and arms, with that familiar energy spiral in the ball of my left foot, sending energy outward. The sheet has just become my new boyfriend.
Trying a few things, I learned that once the sheet is in the correct position under the weight of the duvet but not actually resting on my vulva, manipulating the sheet is not required, and any other touch of my genitals is not recommended. The barely-there brushing of the sheet across my inner labia is all I need to induce these wonderful, deep feelings that can only be described as orgasmic waves that crash against the shore of my body, sending billions of tiny pinpoints of pleasure up through me and expanding outward.
Sheet orgasms… who knew…
Aroused and pricing 1500 thread-count Egyptian cotton,
- DailyOJ 01-26-13, Part 2: The Fear of Intimacy
- DailyOJ 10-19-12 Part 1: September & Crawling Out of Yin
- OpEd: The Face of Orgasm: Is Your Woman Faking Orgasms or Not
- DailyOJ 07-09-12: Allowing and Receiving
Hard to believe, but yes, ArousedWoman is now 1 year old. *WOO-HOO!!!*
Last year, I had started my activist site and blog, Activists’ Voice — I even started a radio show to go with that blog. However, with the crazy, misogynist landscape of the 2012 POTUS election, I needed to focus the scope of my activism toward women’s rights and women’s sexual autonomy issues. From that, ArousedWoman was born on Valentine’s Day, 2012.
This has been an incredible year. I’ve met some incredible people through my activism with AW, and I’ve come across some real jerks. Numerous people have told me how my blog has helped their own sexual journey, awakened their awareness to certain issues, as well as let them know they are not alone in their healing from abuse.
My DailyOJ has been called “brave” for its tell-all insights into a woman’s psyche and a woman’s experiences with sex, female anatomy, and multiple orgasms, but I’ve also had so-called liberals dismiss my journey as a “jerk-off blog.” (Whatever.) I let my opinion loose in my OpEd articles, and I’m so honored that readers trust me enough to ask my opinion on their own situations that I answer in my AskTrish series.
While I think society-at-large is a collective 4-year-old having a temper tantrum when it comes to sexual issues, I still think there is hope! And I’m looking forward to the year ahead as ArousedWoman’s path becomes clearer for me and how I want to help others. With the new forum and the radio show I hope to start (soon!), I think ArousedWoman’s upcoming year will be fantastic — thanks in large part to all of you!
Stay tuned as I have new AskTrish posts (with questions from women!), some interesting orgasm experiences to note in my DailyOJ, and a few new reviews of books and music as well as my review of my new sex toy (move over, Sparkles!! j/k ).
This morning, I awoke knowing that I’d been dreaming, with a vague recollection of the dream, who was there, and that it didn’t seem to be a dream I needed to remember. I started to roll over from my side to my back. As I did, my legs opened up, and I instantly felt the throbbing sensation of arousal, and I knew I was really, really wet. I’ve had some issues with being wet — or lack thereof — fearing that now that I’m 40, it’s all down hill, and thinking back to my younger days when I was so wet, my ex used to complain I’d get too wet during sex.
Using a couple of fingers to feel what was going on, my outer labia were swollen, hot velvet, and my inner labia were thick and hot and wet, just as they are after a series of delicious orgasms… maybe I orgasmed while sleeping (wouldn’t be the first time)… though I don’t know why I would have — the dream was in no way sexy or sexual. Smearing the juices all over my clit and labia felt amazing, and I thought, “What did I do?!”
Last night, I had my nipple-gasms and my stealth clit-gasms but nothing penetrative or even too hands-on. All touch was light, barely brushing-the-skin caresses, gliding my fingers across my skin. And I drifted off to sleep on a cloud of full-body orgasms that left me feeling light and floating, as opposed to feeling tired the way manually “worked for” orgasms can drain energy.
Then I thought about what I had eaten yesterday. I thought, “That must be it!” Just going over in my head what I ate and drank, I could see that I had had more Omega 3-rich foods and remembered this same super-wet phenomenon had happened before when I went “over” what the “experts” say should be consumed in one day.
Supposedly, a person shouldn’t have more than 2,000 mg of Omega 3 in one day. No one really knows what is too much, but someone somewhere decided 2,000 mg was enough.
My food consumption for yesterday was as follows:
- Breakfast – 1 cup almond milk with 1 tablespoon chia seed (which has 1,250 mg Omega 3), a couple small pieces of turkey sausage cooked in organic coconut oil, and 4 scrambled (cage-free) eggs (250 mg Omega 3 each) cooked in butter. ***Note: I woke up late, and made breakfast, but my hormonal teenage daughter walked into the kitchen, smelled the sausage and eggs, and walked out. So I ate her eggs as well as mine for a total of 4 eggs — I can’t afford to throw out food! ***
- Lunch – vegetarian fare at the Hare Krishna restaurant: 1 cup of an amazing dahl (soup), 2 cabbage pakoras, an oatmeal cookie, and tea (brewed with cinnamon, clove, and something floral).
- Dinner – sweet potato candied in butter with a dash of sea salt (OMG delicious!), 3 potstickers cooked in grapeseed oil, and sauteed organic Romaine, with my super awesome dipping sauce.
- Other – I drink about a gallon of water each day, and yes, I had some Diet Coke. While at the computer, I ate some bittersweet Ghiradelli chocolate chips, and throughout the day, I took 4 of my fish oil capsules which have 1,060 mg Omega 3 each. And of course, I went out walking a few times to get my Vitamin D.
So, all totaled — 1 T chia seed, 4 eggs, and 4 fish oils = 6,490 mg just in Omega 3, and that doesn’t include the Omegas of the grapeseed oil, coconut oil, chocolate, and anything else I had. My food was mostly vegetarian. The water I drink is tap water, but I always drink it cold over ice — I’m not a hot-beverage person. (Side note: I recently realized I have an ice fetish… must be an Irish thing…)
Clearly, Omega 3′s, chocolate, and water are the key to being super wet — for me, anyway.
Feeling how super wet I was, I just played in the juices for a while. They felt wonderful. I made a mental note not to allow stress to deter me from paying attention to my health anymore. Some days, I get so annoyed with things I want to pull my hair out, and I forget to take my fish oil or I don’t drink enough water — then I wonder why I’m not as wet as I used to be…. Being 40 doesn’t have to mean being a dried up ol’ prune! My vagina’s hydration level is most definitely related to my hormone levels and my water intake (since vaginal fluid is derived from blood plasma).
Needless to say, I definitely decided to have a morning O session — both hands on and alternately in, and it was spectacular! With the other sessions I’d had this week with the glass toy, my hands were ready for an old fashioned blended-O series of orgasms. It really, truly was amazing. I was breathless and speechless and in awe. The lava flow was incredible.
Afterward, I just lay there, exhausted but exhilarated, no crying (but that was perfectly fine), with my hands on my torso, my arms supporting my breasts. I felt this strong throbbing, as if my heart were beating out of my chest. I looked down to see it was my right breast — she felt as if I had another heart inside the breast herself because I could feel my breast “beating” against my arm. Weird but cool. But weird.
That faded, but it was a long while until the after-O’s calmed down. And I was still so very wet…
I stayed in bed for a while, then heard the crowds setting up for the Mardi Gras parade, so I decided to get up and get my caffeine (Diet Coke) before the parade stared. I went about my day, and it was a great day…
* Read Part 2 *
Copyright 2013 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
* Read Part 1 *
My only problem with the knees up position is that it tires out my hip flexors, and frankly, it’s rather a tight fit with my arms squished in between my breasts and my thighs — but I manage. I’ll use pillows to support my knees/legs next time. I almost laugh at seeing (and really feeling!) my feet shaking as arousal of my prostate kicks in.
As I get near the climax, the sensations are very different than with my penis-shaped toy, a.k.a, “Sparkles,” and the series of orgasms/climax itself is different as well. I had a similar feeling to the first time I orgasmed with the glass toy — I wasn’t sure if I “liked” the orgasms it induced (with clit stim), then I realized this time around that I was judging the orgasms, as if I were expecting the orgasms to be the same as they are with Sparkles.
After using the glass toy with my knees up, I’m really beginning to appreciate how the experience is completely different — I think I was waiting for the arousal sensations and the orgasmic progress to be the same as hands-on blended O’s or penetration orgasms. Now that I’m familiar with the sensations brought on by the firm, directional “touch” of the glass female prostate toy, I am loving learning the various feelings that are evoked — and especially the longer “finish” since my hands and wrists aren’t as tired.
The sounds I make are also much different than using the penis-y toy or using my hands. I seem to have different moans for each style of stimulation as well as for each level of arousal. The sounds I make with the glass toy are mid-way between the soft “Oooooo’s” and “Ahhhh’s” of the hands-on blended O’s and the much more guttural, louder (loud!) exclamations of the penetrative stimulation.
My one concern was that the emotional after-cry would be absent since the crying, uterine orgasms tend to be triggered by the deep, fast, filling thrust of the penis toy. The first time I used the glass toy like this a couple weeks ago, there was emotion but no crying, and yes, I felt “disappointed.” But every time since then the emotions/orgasms have produced crying immediately, intense crying that emanates from my heart/torso not my genitals. I curl up into a ball, rocking side to side from the intensity of the crying — which I now consider to be part of my orgasmic process since it is such a strong release of… something…
Today was no different. Using the glass toy, I was able to stim more orgasms than usual until I just couldn’t keep my hands from going up over my head any longer. The deeply felt crying was immediate and surprising, yet so very welcome. When I first started having these crying uterine orgasms, they only happened with the penis toy, then I was able to experience them with hands-on stimulation. Having these overwhelmingly emotional orgasms with the glass toy means these insanely intense orgasms are available to me regardless of the method of delivery — penis, glass, hands, etc. Which is quite a relief, actually. I think everyone is a little nervous about using a new toy or being with a new partner because you’re not quite sure what the experience or the results will be.
Another cool factoid about today’s orgasm episode is that my prostate creamed all over the glass toy. When I pulled it out to look at it, I had frothy prostate juice on my arm, my hands, and the toy was covered. Awesome!
Yes, my orgasms are coming along very nicely. Onward to the next adventure!
Aroused and exploring!
Copyright 2013 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
Back on my own during the days, I have taken to using my glass toy (which I have not yet named ), along with trying a slightly different position for my legs, and getting some great results — probably helped with my breast massage regimen and breath+sound work I’ve borrowed from Tantra and Kundalini practices.
For my orgasm sessions, I begin with just laying back and relaxing, breathing normally, letting my mind let go of the thoughts that are still buzzing across my conscious self. After 10 or 15 minutes — I don’t time it, I move on when I feel ready and mind-full (of nothing!). I start the relaxation breaths, adding in the occasional “Aum.” This lasts for maybe 15 minutes.
I add in sensual massage. Usually, I’m careful not to touch my nipples or I’ll start having energy orgasms immediately. I’ve found that if I start the massage on my clit, it lessens the sensitivity on my nipples (slightly, and only temporarily), but gentle, barely-there caresses of my clit and labia are simply luscious.
I may move to my nipples (more often than not, yes, I do) for some amazing stealth orgasms, or I’ll lightly brush my fingertips across my left hip which triggers jolts of energy up my leg to my left nipple, hardening her immediately. My right hip is not as quick to react and the energy is more subtle, but my right nipple still hardens into a pucker, reaching up to a point.
Many times recently, I have stayed there — just doing the lightest touch of my skin, my nipples, clit, and the inner and outer labia. Barely brushing my fingers over my clit shaft starts full-body orgasms that have my legs coming up, my back arched, and my head back facing the pillows, and I’m left breathless. I can keep these going for a while. These kinds of orgasms are different than “traditional” or manual orgasms in that these don’t take ANY work :-), and they’re like riding clouds of energy, with energy waves hitting my body like water crashing onto the seashore. I’m energized by the orgasms rather than being worn out after my usual blended orgasms (which rock my world but are exhausting).
Pressing my fingertips into my outer labia, I can feel the thick, corded bands of the PC muscles. Barely grazing my outer labia, they feel like velvet, warm and throbbing. My fingertips barely whisper across my inner labia which are still reaching outward at this point — they will lie open soon. This touch can start labia-gasms, and I can feel the texture of the inside of the inner labia change as the bloodflow to the tissue increases.
I’m still new to the direct, purposeful stimulation of my U-spot, the erectile tissue around the urethral opening. This area is usually stimulated without intention during blended/penetrative orgasms, but I am now focusing on the U-spot to help encourage my journey into female ejaculation.
Bringing my knees up to my torso definitely shortens the vagina, and it makes using the glass dildo easier on my wrist due to its curve. This makes for a wonderful stimulation of my prostate. Since the glass toy is narrower and shorter than my purple silicone friend Sparkles, it also feels more like a directional finger than a “toy” or penis substitute. I can definitely feel the tip and side as it rubs across certain spots (yes, the female prostate has more “spots” than just the G-spot/She Spot). Moving the glass toy back and forth, curving up at the side ensures the side of the prostate are stimulated as well — and this feels delicious.
Stimulation of the prostate, and most areas inside the vagina, are not as “pin-point” as stimulating the clit, but the vagus nerve and auxiliary nerves definitely make up for it by creating a feeling of a bubbling, churning cauldron of arousal energy that is ever-building, ever-growing, expanding outward through me and upward into the torso and heart chakra.
I consciously push out when stimulating the prostate directly — contrary to what “popular” opinion says to do with the stupid Kegel exercises (which actually inhibit vaginal orgasm). I LOVE the feelings that overtake me — like I suddenly have to go to the bathroom, like my insides are about to fall out — because I know my prostate is about to hit her stride and bubble over into full-body orgasms. I push out and remind myself to breathe — sometimes I catch myself and realize I’m holding my breath. There is a fetish of choking for some few-second orgasm that is ridiculous and dangerous. Oxygen FEEDS orgasms — breathe, breathe deeply, breathe fully, taking the breath into my belly and down into my pelvis… Breathing is essential to life and to orgasms… though saying “life” followed by “orgasms” seems redundant….
The double layers of muscles that line the vagina begin to rock and roll, and I manipulate them to keep them strong — so I don’t lose my skill of giving “vaginal blowjobs” (moving the vaginal walls in such a way as to give the penis the feeling of being sucked very powerfully).
Read * Part 2 * here.
The past month has been an interesting series of experiences in my personal orgasm journey, but with the holidays, I didn’t bother writing anything down in a blog post. The orgasms have been beautiful and wondrous, even though most of the time, I was only having my “stealth O’s” via the barest touch of nipple stim and some light clit stim. With the holidays, I’ve been going to bed around 2 or 3 or 4 a.m., waking up around 9 or 10 a.m., and staying in bed having orgasms till 3 in the afternoon.
I haven’t used my purple silicone friend Sparkles in a while, so I’m craving some penetration, but the orgasms that result from the stealth touch and the every-other-day blended O’s are definitely satisfying me until I’m home alone again. In fact, since being on the “stealth O” path of Tantric and Kundalini awakening (yes, both), the penetrative orgasms are so intense, I can only handle a few, then I’m too far gone for my hands to work — my arms fly up over my head, and I spend an hour in after-O’s.
I’m not firmly on my Tantric or Kundalini path, however — still on the outskirts — on purpose. Embarking on these paths is intense and requires commitment and concentration. I am still waiting for time alone and some stress to ease before approaching a more fully active pursuit of these yogic paths.
Basically, I’m in a good place. Though it seems at times like I’m not progressing, I remember that I’m not on a schedule or deadline — there are no goals for me to accomplish… except pleasure.
Aroused and groovin’ along,
I went to bed late last night — actually, early this morning. It was after 2:30 a.m. that I finally stopped replying to tweets, took my shower, and got in bed (and replied to some more tweets). I allowed myself the late night because this morning would be Saturday, and Saturday mornings are my SASO’s and blended O’s time.
I was doing my hands-on blended O stimulation, and everything felt wonderful. I didn’t try thinking about Mr. Dream Man, I just focused on my body — the amazing sensations of the arousal, the shaking of my legs, the zinging energy, the heat raising up, my whole body really coming alive after a full night of rest and a long time of spontaneous O’s, nipple-gasms, and gentle clit-gasms just moments before. Truly wonderful.
Then I reached a certain point of arousal where I seemed to have slipped into neutral. I wasn’t progressing toward climax, nor was I regressing to less arousal. I was… stuck… in neutral gear…
I had marked the time when I started since I’d noticed hands-on blended O’s had started taking a while to experience, sometimes 30 minutes or longer. Now being stuck in neutral, trying to avoid conscientious time-noting, ego-driven minutes-counting, I was growing frustrated. The mind noise began. Should I just stop? (Too horrible to contemplate.) Should I try some fantasy? (Tried. Failed.) How long before I’m just totally ego-driving this process? (I really want to experience the yummy blended orgasms.) Does that guy outside really have to use a leaf blower in the middle of the day? Can’t he just use a push-broom or a rake on those leaves? Jeez….
Being “stuck” in neutral gave me a unique vantage point to observe my body — the changes through the arousal process, the jolts of energy still zinging up my legs, my glutes clenching, my hips rhythmically raising and lowering on the bed. And perhaps best of all, I was incredibly wet! My previous fears that my body was experiencing hormonal changes that were affecting my vaginal fluid production were allayed, thanks in no small part to my resumed regimen of chia seeds, fish oil, dark chocolate, and lots of water. I was ecstatically happy about the incredible amount of juices covering my vulva and upper thighs.
I must have been stuck in neutral for 10 minutes or longer. My attention kept being drawn to my left hand, the one working my prostate, feeling my hand sliding around on the vaginal and prostate fluids. My wonder at the physical process occurring sparked a thought… This extended, consistent stimulation of my clit and prostate is one of the hallmarks of arousal that brings about female ejaculation. I thought on that another few seconds. If I kept doing exactly this — this left-hand pressure and thrusting on my prostate, this right hand stim of my clit, my wetness, my clenching — I was bound to finally achieve true female ejaculation! How awesome would that be?!
The moment I had that thought, I could feel my inner clit squeezing like a vice-grip as its blood-filled erectile tissue expanded inward against my vaginal walls. I knew that feeling was the first cue of impending multiple orgasms. Except now, I wasn’t ready to orgasm! I wanted to feel this ejaculation cruise control! But I didn’t have any towels, and with the colder weather, I had my duvet on me and didn’t want to soak it. So I resolved myself to probably not ejaculating in one gush at that time — I was satisfied with the rhythmic release of fluid throughout the session.
When the orgasms began, I was mystified by their intensity and power. That “neutral” gear had served a purpose! It did something to my body — whether it was solely physical or a mind-body combo — that laid a foundation for the orgasms that literally rocked my world in that moment… for many moments… My whole body was involved in this process — I crunched forward repeatedly, my knees were up, my hips were rocking up toward my hands. I kept rolling over to my left side, my legs started kicking. I was making all sorts of weird moans — some lower pitched, some higher, all wild woman.
After I couldn’t use my hands anymore — my arms flew up over my head — my hips and legs were still going. Without the need for keeping my hands where they were, I rolled back and forth, my back arched, my nipples brushed back and forth against the sheet spurring the nipple-gasms and more back-arching. I felt the insane throbbing in my labia, my vagina, perineum, anus, energy zaps up and down my legs, all of it signaling an array of delicious orgasms, both body-centric and energy-induced.
As I lay in bed, still somewhat panting from the orgasms, I noticed a strange sensation in my left hand. Energy was zinging up my fingers, up my hand, and into my arm. Usually energy comes up my legs or out my left foot (at the ball of my foot). This was different. It felt as if my fingers were plugged into an electrical outlet and electrical energy was shooting up my fingers and up my arm to my neck, scalp, and face. Then I noticed I felt a similar electricity/energy up my right hand and arm.
All in all, this session from start to the end of the orgasms (that I was able to hand stimulate) was 21 minutes. Absolutely 21 minutes of incredible bliss — and so worth that neutral gear interlude in the middle. Like a symphony, the “lull” in the middle just laid the groundwork for the crescendo of the last movement, building up to the fireworks at the end.
I laid there, stunned by the awesome power of the experience. I can only hope that if I again experience that “lull” of neutral gear, I’ll remember this experience and know even that down-swing of the cycle has a purpose. I’m not broken, my practice is going fine. And I’m grateful for this experience to amaze in wonder at my body, the rising levels of orgasms possible, and the necessary ebb and flow of the arousal process.
Aroused and cruisin’,
The past few weeks, I have had issues with blended O’s — the few times I’ve done them (right hand on my clit, left hand stimulating my prostate), it’s either taken a long time — 30 minutes, or I’ve given up and gone for my purple silicone buddy, Sparkles.
Mainly, I’ve noticed that I’ve become ambivalent about using Sparkles when my spontaneous orgasms keep me happy all day and my stealth nipplegasms, subtle (one-finger barely moving) clitgasms — even labia-gasms! — are so fulfilling orgasmically that I don’t feel the need for penetration (at the time)… (It’s the rest of my waking hours that I’m horny as all get-out and want something that’s wide and hard inside me!)
I have also noticed that when I go for a length of time without doing the blended orgasms (both hands stimulating), it takes longer to bring myself to orgasm when I get back in to it. It’s as if I have to stay in practice with it the way a pianist has to stay in practice with the piano to keep up his technique, or the training starts to drain out of the muscle memory. For these body-centric orgasms, it’s not just my fingers and wrists that have to stay limber to bring about orgasm — my entire body has to “train” for orgasms since they are full-body experiences, especially in the abdominal area, my legs, and glutes.
I’ve been adjusting to the integration of the non-explosion clitoral part of my blended orgasm. It’s just weird to not feel it. But these new orgasms are amazing. Instead of feeling that hot explosion at one very centralized point (the head of the clit), the orgasms feel like a huge, powerful wave crashing against the coastline of my genitals, and I am thunderstruck by their intensity. With Sparkles, the blended O is very similar, yet even more powerful because of the added sensation of being penetrated and having it stimulate my A-Spot and cervix as well.
During the hands-on stim, I love feeling the changes to my prostate. She is just awesome! I’ve even discovered a few new spots within my prostate! I’m learning their signals, what it means orgasmically when I start to feel them emerging from the rougher texture of my aroused prostate. One of these spots is toward the left, the other two are toward the sides of the prostate (which is very important to stimulate as well!), along with my already discovered She Spot.
What’s been interesting to me has been my legs. A few minutes in to each hands-on session, my legs start shaking wildly, uncontrollably. I feel my glutes clenching and unclenching. My hips are rocking, reaching up repeatedly in their own rhythm. And here is where the problem begins…
Since I’ve got the physical part of the stimulation down, I’ve been trying to enjoy some fantasy time in my mind during arousal. Usually, I try to picture my Dream Man being the one to do all this stimulation (which would be much easier on my wrists if he were!). But I’m so in awe of the changes in, on, through my body that my mind doesn’t want to leave all this awareness of my body’s process to climax. As soon as I try picturing Mr. Dream Man, I lose some of the arousal (slightly). For some reason, I’m not interested in thinking of women… so that’s another issue to deal with another day…
I don’t do “fantasy” — as in made-up time, place, setting. And I know instinctively that it would not work for me, so no, I won’t try.
Between the extended time to orgasm via hands-on stim, not craving penetrative Sparkles sex, and loving my body’s changes more than I lust after my Dream Man, I know I’m at a crossroads. Don’t know what’s around the corner, but I’m taking a peek and will meet it head-on… and hands on.
Aroused and feeling,
* Read Part 1 here. *
Also, this September, I noticed how my clitoral orgasms are not as explosive and separate from my vaginal/prostate orgasms as they used to be. Instead of an obvious explosion, that typifies the clit orgasm, my clitoral orgasms have become much fuller, more like full-body expansion up my torso and through me in waves rather than being localized to the clit in a hot quick burst of release. These new clitoral orgasms (in conjunction with prostate stim) have been amazing.
My prostate orgasms have been insanely intense, and yet I have not felt the awakening in my prostate that I had hoped for since resuming my practice in August. I could still be in a time of adjustment, or my prostate could be so integrated now that my body is now accustomed to the sensations that were once so new and startling. (Which sucks because I love when my prostate is so awake I literally can’t sit still.) However, I know my prostate is very much awake and attentive because I have urination orgasms almost every time I go to the bathroom. And of course, the blended orgasms are truly out of this world.
On a side note, since crossing that threshold into being 40, I have noticed since September that I’m not as wet as I used to be. I know my caffeine intake is too high, and I’ve been forgetting to take my fish oil, but not being crazy-wet all the time has me concerned about my hormone levels as well as my hydration and diet regimen. I eat pretty well — on the rare occasion too much sugar, but nowhere near what I used to consume. So I’ve made a conscious effort to lay off most sugar/starch, take my fish oil, eat my dark chocolate, and drink LOTS of water. I can tell when I’m properly hydrated by the prostate orgasms that radiate through my torso and up my spine to my scalp and face when I go to the bathroom. No orgasm while urinating? CHUG ICE WATER.
I’ve been trying to do my Sparkles-assisted sessions on Monday, Wednesday, Friday — during the day, since I’m loud, saving my hands-only, quieter, blended, wake-up O’s for Saturdays and/or Sundays.
Today, I experienced again what had been happening for the past couple of weeks. Starting the session later than I prefer puts me in a bit of a stress mode since I like to have my “lying broken” time first to clear the mind fuzz. If I have less than 3 hours, I usually don’t bother. But today, I had less than 2 hours, but really wanted to have a session, so I went for it… which may have been what set me up for the resulting disappointment.
By not having my “lying broken” time, the mind fuzz was all a-chatter in my head. Life, work, this blog, Twitter, updating my site, hoping I can raise enough funds to start my radio show and forum, organizing my own orgasm training method in my head — my mind would not slow down, shut off, or shut up. And yet, I proceeded. Pathetically. I did about 15 minutes of sounds on Aum, doing light sensual massage. After a minute, I had some light nipple-gasms (disappointed that it took that long). A few minutes into the Aumming, I started clit massage. Took a good minute to get an OM-clit-gasm. (Disappointing.) Trying to put a finger in, there was vaginal fluid at the opening, enough to insert my finger to stim my prostate, but certainly not enough to accommodate my purple silicone friend, Sparkles.
This had been going on for a few weeks now. Too much caffeine and not enough vag fluid. I always use lube with Sparkles, but now being 40, the idea of being one of “those” women who can’t get wet sent a panic through me. My ex used to complain about how wet I got during sex — he would pull out and use the sheet to wipe me off till my vulva was bone dry and he could get friction (the fact that it hurt me didn’t seem to matter) — what mattered now was that I may have wasted over a decade of being a natural female ejaculator with a man who hated my amount of fluids! Somewhere in my psyche, I may have shut that down, and now being 40, the natural hormonal changes to my body might prevent me from ever ejaculating! GRRRRRRRR!!!!!! (I’m not sure about this as a point of fact, but that was the fear that ran through my head… as if I had room for more mind noise…)
So what the hell was the point?! Why am I doing this?! Why don’t I just stop — call it a day? I’ve done that before. This time, I couldn’t just stop. I wasn’t having a female blue-balls moment (yes, we can get those). Quite the contrary, I could have very easily just gotten up. But I was so annoyed that my routine was interrupted by starting late, my vagina was dry from my over-consumption of caffeine, and my mind would just not shut the fuck up. And now it was glaringly obvious that I was so attached to the outcome, I couldn’t just end the session out of separation anxiety… What if my fabulous, life-altering orgasm journey is caput? What if the ride is over and the cosmic carousel operator is trying to get me to move the hell on — and what, take up knitting?!
Granted, the “worst,” most “disappointing” orgasm nowadays is better than the best orgasm I ever had prior to beginning this journey. But I feel like I’ve learned so much about myself, and I have so much more to learn, that it just can’t be “over!” It can’t continue to be a series of technically great orgasms that don’t resonate with me vibrationally!!
So I soldiered on with Sparkles, had a physically great orgasm … and then, the worst did, in fact, happen. I cried… but not in euphoria, but rather in disappointment. This was the first time that I remember crying out of the lack of something, something was missing, and I was sad in my heart. It dawned on me later that what’s missing just might be a physical partner.
Having soared to incredible peaks on my own, I know I’m more than ready for a partner, but my current life circumstances prevent me from pursuing pleasure with someone else. This is not only sexually frustrating, but it hurts my heart. I believe I have a great deal to offer a man, especially in the sex/orgasm department, but I can’t pursue anything until my divorce is finalized. And so Asshole — my ex — still has a power over me. I fear that having any kind of sexual relations “outside of marriage” (though I moved out 2 years ago), will be used against me to the point of losing custody of my daughter. That is exactly what has happened to other women (it’s part of living in a Bible-thumpin’ Red State). Another added layer of mind noise moves to the forefront.
I feel suddenly broken in many ways, and yet, I’m at a fork in the road, but I don’t know which way to go. As a friend told me, my energy is scattered. I know my heart is here with my activism and ArousedWoman(TM). Hopefully, my emotional heart will be able to find its place with a partner soon enough… Bring on the ice water!
Aroused and scattered,
This is a quick note to let everyone know that I am taking the bull by the horns and starting up the Radio show and Forum that I’ve been wanting to create for a while now.
So many people ask me if I do podcasts, and I have to tell them, yes, but not yet for AW. Well, that’s changing!
While we dream of Utopia, running a radio show and hosting a forum is not free. It costs money for the licensed platforms even when the daily toil of maintaining each is based on sweat equity.
AW Radio will cover all aspects of the AW raison d’etre including Women’s Sexuality, Women’s Rights, LGBT, Survivors of Abuse, Religious Freedom, Indigenous Rights, Environmental Issues, Healthcare, Anti-Circumcision/Body Autonomy issues, and more.
The AW Forum will provide a safe place for like-minded individuals and orgs to talk about issues, recovery, and more importantly, foster solutions to put into practice. The Forum will be membership-based (to keep out the crazies) at $14.95/year, with a portion of the proceeds being donated annually to 2 organizations as voted on by the Forum community.
For more info on the Radio show as well as the Forum, visit my GoFundMe page I’ve started. Donations are securely processed by either WePay or PayPal (your choice!).
Be sure to check out the REWARD that accompanies each donation level, and make a TAX-DEDUCTIBLE donation if you can.
Just a year ago, I dreaded the idea of turning 40. Just as a decade ago, I dreaded turning 30. Turning 30 was hard, perhaps because I was still in the crux of a life I didn’t want, trying to make sense of that life, and wanting desperately to get back to being true to myself.
Almost two years, I left that life I didn’t want and started over. I had built up my radio show, was a professional theatre writer, an award-winning composer, and mom to a cranky but wonderful tween. And while I didn’t (and don’t) have a car, a TV, or even a livingroom couch, I had my freedom. That was paramount. I was free. I AM free. And anything else is just crap to get through. But mostly I am happy — so much happier than I have been in the past 16 years, it really is unbelievable.
The purpose of the photoshoot was for a calendar submission. (Don’t know yet, if I made it in.) But just doing it was scary and invigorating. Though my male friends on Twitter constantly tell me my body is fine, I am still coping with this dual personality that exists within my perception of myself. I still feel 19. My body was amazing back then, thanks to years of ballet, theatrical dancing , belly dancing, and performing in Musical Theatre. Now, all these years later, after being overweight for years and having had a child, my body has that “lived in” look. Stretch marks. It’s all I saw when I looked in the mirror for the past 14 years. I saw my flaws and practically counted all the ways a man would never want me because of how I look.
Oddly enough, doing my Tumblr page has been a great source of readjusting my attitude toward myself and my body. For all the sex confidence I have (yes, I AM fabulous in bed! ), the idea of being naked in front of a man again was almost terrifying. Since starting this blog, I’ve openly dealt with issues that I had only previously stuffed down inside me — to my detriment. Now that these wounds have been given the light of day, I feel them healing. Having done the photoshoot, other wounds surfaced, but already they are healing as well.
The day itself was a bit crazy. We had thunderstorms and flash flooding outside. Inside, I was trying to work, then get ready, shaving everything with a new razor that left razor burn in the most inopportune places. With the rain, curling my hair was impossible, so I had to use the curling iron to smooth out the Irish frizzies and tame the wild woman ends. I was worried about Chipmunk the Squirrel who had been more independent lately, but I was afraid the storm might bring back bad memories for him of his fall the day before Hurricane Isaac, when I found him. At one point, I had so many lamps on, I short-circuited the breakers to half the apartment. I asked the Universe to be with me as I flipped the breakers a couple times. Thankfully, there was light. Otherwise, the photoshoot would be a no-go, and I really wanted to do this ON my 40th birthday.
In fact, the whole day seemed to be a test of one kind or another, as if the Universe wanted to make sure I really wanted to do this, and how far would I go to make sure it actually happened. This need to do this on my birthday come hell or flash flooding’s high water was important to me. One thing I haven’t written about here is the slump I have been in for the past 6 months, a slowed down, introspective journey I had asked for to discover my Yin, but I had no idea how bad it would get. I will write about it soon, but it is a tale for another time.
The photoshoot itself was an eye-opener. The photographer was a friend from high school that I hadn’t seen since graduation. I had sent her info ahead of time of colors, set up, and what I wanted the pose to be so she would know ahead of time. Apparently, this was only her second nude/implied nude shoot, and it was very obvious within the first few shots. Also, the fact that she’s a size 0 made me even more self-conscious. At this point, I was thinking I would have preferred a male photographer so I could feed off the male energy.
In reviewing a few of the photos in the camera, she seemed not to know how to talk about my body, since my body is soooooo well-rounded. She even made a comment, “Yes, I can see how we want to do this differently to avoid that.” That was the rounded curviness of my breast and butt. I said, “Actually, I really like that. That’s exactly what I was going for.” “Oh,” she sounded surprised. All the doubt about my body came flooding back and it was difficult to get out of that head-space. I did do some actual nudes, but was so filled with self-doubt at this point, they will never be seen by anyone but me.
By 11:30 p.m., we were wrapping it up, finally getting some implied nudes I can be happy about. I’m not happy that I didn’t get a nude shot I liked, but hey, that gives me a goal for the future… with a male photographer.
All in all, it was a great 40th birthday that began with amazing orgasms in my bed (see picture at the top of this post), and ended with important insights into myself, my self, my body, and why I should never allow media, culture, or other people to affect my perception of my body or anything else about me.
Aroused and shutter-bugging,