My hair has been a distinguishing feature of mine since I was a child. Hair stylists naturally gravitate to my tresses and touch my hair without asking. But these guys are almost always gay, and they’re more interested in my hair than me, so I never really minded them.
However, on too many occasions to recount, I have been standing or sitting, minding my own business, only to feel something strange happening to the back of my head and realize some stranger was groping and fondling my hair. From a guy at the mall when I was 12 — who wound my hair around and around his arm and said, “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself”, to which I replied, “Oh, yes, you could have!” — to a creepo, sleazy, fat guy with one tooth at the circus who operated one of the rides, men are drawn to my hair. An artist wanted to paint me nude because of my skin tone and my hair. Because of these experiences over the years, my hair is definitely one of my sensitive spots. These creepy follicular invaders somehow had the nerve to get offended that I was offended that they were touching and stroking my hair. They would guffaw and sneer, “What do you care? It’s just hair. It’s dead.”
Newsflash: As long as my hair is attached to my head, my hair is a part of my body and is off-limits to anyone unless I personally give permission for a person to touch my hair. Period.
People are taught that hair is dead. Sacred teachings say it is not. In the ancient culture of the tribes of Ireland, Scotland, Gaul, and other European pagan traditions, hair was very sacred. Most people never cut their hair; they let it grow their entire lives, for to cut your hair (nonchalantly) was to cut off your power. In some instances just before major battles, some warriors might cut their hair as a sign of sacrifice to the gods, for blessing in battle. They may also cut their hair while mourning.
The head was sacred to the indigenous tribes of pagan Europa. The head is where we think, see, hear, smell, taste, talk, sing, kiss — all of which are extremely important to every person. In fact, the head was so revered that warriors would take the heads of their enemies to prevent their power from transferring with the deceased to the Other Side. If you’ve ever seen a depiction of the great mother goddess Kali from the Sanatana Dharma teachings, you know the head is a prized possession in several cultures.
Samson, from the Judeo-Christian bible, owed his considerable strength to his hair. Some American Indian tribes have traditions that involve cutting their hair when a loved one has died. Keeping the hair long is part of many yogic traditions that go back thousands of years. The hair is thought to be like “antennae” to the surrounding environment, able to pick up on energetic vibrations, useful, informative sensations that are then transmitted to the brain. Even beards were required of scholars in academia and holy men in some religions.
So hair has always been a very conscious matter to me…. The Broadway musical included.
Note: I’ve never had a lucid dream, and the one dream in which I actively controlled what happened was a real doozy. Oftentimes my dreams are like films, and at an important moment, I’ll get an extreme close-up, zoom-in shot to hone in on what is important.
I had already had my dreams for the night, gotten up to go to the bathroom, and gone back to bed, only to lay in bed for over an hour unable to fall asleep. Sometime after that, I dozed off and had this dream.
I was looking into a mirror that was in my bedroom closet, brushing my hair with my hands. Suddenly a clump of hair came out into my hand. I was understandably upset. My hair is one of my signature features. More hair fell out. I went to my bathroom to look in the bigger mirror, and my hair around my ears and the back of my head was gone. Suddenly, a zoom-in, close-up showed my scalp, and the hair was cut close to the skin, but it was obvious that it had been cut, i.e., with clippers.
I was instantaneously back in my bedroom looking into the mirror in my closet, and I was completely bald. But I wasn’t upset. In fact, I ran my hand over my bald scalp and smiled.
When I woke up, I was confused and slightly worried. Losing hair so drastically is usually a sign of severe illness such as Diabetes or thyroid dysfunction, or worse, the effects of cancer treatment such as chemo and radiation. I have dealt with my hair thinning out due to my thyroid dysfunction, but I’ve been able to regrow my hair now that I have my thyroid and insulin response under control thanks to a superb product. And I would never do chemo or radiation if I had cancer, so I knew that this was not a precognitive dream, showing me a scene from my future (as I sometimes dream).
Having been immersed in the ballet world growing up, I know a ballerina in rebellion will cut her hair. Remember when Rosie O’Donnell got her famous haircut and the media crucified her? I’m not G.I. Jane or Sinead O’Connor. I wouldn’t look good bald. So I consulted the wonderful world of Google for some dream meanings to make sense of this dream that threatened to rock my body and cranial image.
Losing one’s hair in a dream spells gloom and doom according to some interpretations (particularly the religious interpretations). But my dreams are never as concrete as many of the standard interpretations anyway, and I quickly found several interpretations that resonated with me and my current situation.
Losing power was associated with losing hair throughout the various interpretations, but they also noted that the hair that has fallen out (or been cut off) represents something you no longer need. So losing a clump of hair could be a sign of getting rid of something that no longer serves you or an end to a stressful time of your life. They also mentioned that losing hair to the point of baldness could signify a whole new chapter in your life because when you get rid of all that doesn’t serve you, you are left with a blank canvas — a bald head, in this case — to start over. They note that being bald was seen as a sign of wisdom in some ancient cultures, as priests and sages would shave their heads to show they were on a path of knowledge and wisdom. The best explanation said, “You are at a stage in your life where you are confident in fully exposing yourself.” Hmmmmmmm…..
One important thing was whether the hair was falling out on its own or was cut off. My zoom-in, close-up, Mr. DeMille shot clearly showed that my hair had been shorn off with clippers. In effect, I was purposely getting rid of things that no longer served me. I was purposely on a path to greater knowledge and, hopefully, greater wisdom.
I can only go by what I felt when I woke up. And with this dream, though I was a little shaken at seeing myself bald, I did not have any bad feelings upon thinking about the dream. This was one reason I didn’t freak out … like I did after the time I dreamt of all my teeth falling out. Yikes!
This dream is accurate in my opinion. Since I’m still processing my Congressional run and getting my personal life and my self back on track for what I should be doing with my life, I can see how this is a good dream to have. My existence will be uncomfortable as I move forward and let go of the things (and people) that do not enrich my life or my work, but the path (to knowledge and wisdom) is most definitely a path I want to take.
Copyright 2013 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
Some schools of thought say all dreams are a form of astral projection. If so, then I’m astral traveling 3 to 5 times every night. But what I consider astral projection — traveling across time/space to the Other Side — has only occurred once — that I remember.
I astral projected in a dream years ago, in 2002, or 2003, maybe 2004 — before Hurricane Katrina. This was either the only time I’ve ever experienced this or the only time I remember it this fully.
I was flying in my dream, which was great because I had not had a flying dream since I was a young teenager. As a kid, I’d have dreams in which I would float up out of my body (in the dream) and hang out at the ceiling, sometimes getting bored with whatever was going on in the room, like a classroom or sometimes a hospital/surgical type area, and I’d float out of the room, ducking to not hit my head on the door jamb, then fly/float down the hallway to something more interesting.
In most flying dreams, though, I would be outside where I could get a running start, spread my arms, take off, and fly — but never higher than just above the trees. These were always amazing. I progressed to the point where I didn’t have to take a running start — if I had the thought I wanted to fly, I spread my arms, bent my knees in a small plie’, and I was up in the air, soaring. The most interesting of these was one dream in which I was flying with Elton John. I have no idea why I dreamt that. I love Elton John, but to this day, that is a mystery. :-)
So back to this particular dream… I was enthralled to be flying again, something I had missed for almost two decades. I was flying above the trees. I looked down as the canopy of treetops whizzed by. Suddenly, I realized I was not flying horizontally but vertically, like a helicopter going up instead of across. I thought, “How cool!”
I went up and up, still facing down, looking down towards the land. Further up and away from the trees. I went through the thin, low-lying clouds, higher and higher. Here’s where I started getting worried. I had no clue what was happening. Up and up. Still looking down, I saw I was high enough that I wasn’t just looking at the land or the water, I was now moving up through the clouds. Layers and layers of frothy white clouds. Then I was looking down at the clouds — up and up — looking down now at the entire earth, moving further from it at an increasing speed.
As the earth got smaller, I looked down toward what should have been my body but there was nothing there. I looked to my right at what should have been my arm, but my arm wasn’t there. I looked to my left, but my left arm wasn’t there. I thought, “Where’s my body?!” I looked around at myself, but I wasn’t there — only a fuzz of transparent light.
I felt my fuzz self cross a barrier, and I realized I had crossed the Veil (as pagans say). I was on the Other Side. I slowed down and took it all in, just floating. I had no body because I pure energy. Where I was was pure energy. It looked like an infinity of clouds in a golden light emanating from a huge golden light source off in the distance. In that instant I experienced what I’d never felt before or since — pure love. I knew it seemed crazy even at the time — this is what people who have near-death experiences say. They felt pure love. But it was true. I felt pure love. Pure connectedness to the supraconsciousness. I felt the infinity of the universe. I knew I was returning home — returning as light energy to rejoin the All light energy. No gods. No Jesus. No floating Buddha head. No made up human religious bullshit. The All was nameless, faceless, race-less, label-less energy.
Feeling that pure love was transformative. I knew what that pure love was as soon as I felt it and knew, with sadness, no one had ever extended that pure, unconditional love to me here on earth. I floated in the energy and felt my fuzzy light self being gently pulled toward the golden infinite energy All, and I loved it. I wanted it. Nothing had ever felt so wonderful, so intensely right — to be a part of that energy from whence I came, to leave the crap and the struggle of life on the physical plane. Everything I had ever wanted was right there. All I had to do was drift in the pure love energy stream to rejoin the infinite Source Energy.
I suddenly remembered my young daughter, and I thought, “Oh well, this was nice, but I have to go back now.” I expected to drift back to the Veil and begin my descent toward earth. However, I kept drifting toward the golden light. I thought, “No, really, I can’t stay. I have to get back to my daughter.” Nothing changed, in fact, I started moving toward the golden energy faster. I shouted (as only a fuzz ball of energy can), “NO! I have to go back to my daughter! She needs me!!” I tried to resist the pull of the energy — it was so immensely strong, and truthfully, I really wanted to stay in that perfect love vibration. But I tried pushing against the pull — hard to do with no arms or legs. I pushed against it, tried to pull myself away, pushed and pulled, tried again and again. I yelled, “I HAVE to go back! My daughter needs me!!”
At that instant, I began plummeting downward, downward, downward, accelerating exponentially. I saw the earth getting closer and closer. I went through the earth’s cloud layers, and I went faster. I worried how I was going to catch myself since I didn’t have a physical body. Was I just going to land on the roof of my house — SPLAT?! The earth got closer, then North America, then the Gulf Coast, the water, the trees — boom!
I bolted upright in bed. I was panting, breathless as if I’d just run a marathon. I looked down. I had a body — had arms and legs — nothing seemed broken. I looked up — the ceiling was intact. I felt like I had slammed into a concrete wall. I had crash-landed into my bed. I had no idea what just happened. I sat there for a few minutes, thoroughly confused by this, the weirdest dream I’d ever had.
I got up out of bed, shaky on my feet (that I was glad to see had returned), and I checked on my daughter. She was sound asleep. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary with the house. I could not wrap my head around what had happened. Of course, I had heard of out-of-body experiences (OOBE, or OBE), but I had never really delved into the topic, or astral travel, or remote viewing. I liked my easy-going nature-based Irish pagan path. I liked my relationship with my perception of a Source Energy, and I left all the New Age woo-woo stuff for the confused woo-woo people (who probably smoked a lot of weed).
Because of this dream/astral dream experience, my perception of “god/gods,” heaven/nirvana, et al were confirmed for what feels right for me. Science says energy is the basis of the universe, and I saw that that is true. Spiritual sages say “we are all connected,” and I felt that to be true in my experience. The bullshit importance humans place on ethnicity, economic class, political party, religious affiliation are all that — bullshit — completely made up, human busy-work to keep the physical plane mired down in drama so the soul energy has something to do while it’s here to learn lessons during its incarnation in the carbon-based meat-suit.
At that moment, I became what I call an Energist. I believe in Energy. Gods, goddesses, etc., are anthropomorphized interpretations of particular energy vibrations to appease the inquisitive human-animal’s mind as the soul sorts out its karma this go ’round.
This is when I became a Humanist. We are all energy. We are all equal. We are all connected, regardless of skin color, spiritual path, or other divisive pigeon hole man-made society wants us to buy into to keep strife and war in perpetual motion, usually for the benefit of sociopathic lizard-brains who feed on misery to secure their own financial gain and to ensure their elite status and control.
This earthly existence offers glimpses into the love and connectedness that exist on the Other Side. They are possible here… if we lose our temporary selves long enough to find our true selves.
This is my experience. You don’t have to like it, agree with it, or believe it. It is mine. This is the experience as it happened to me, so I don’t feel the need to justify or rationalize any aspect of it. This was a truly integral and life-changing experience for me, and to this day, it greatly influences many of my tenets that I hold to be true for me and my path.
I hope to return to the All Source Energy again this lifetime to say Hi — as long as I can come back here once I’m done hanging out in the energy love fuzz.
I recently announced new categories for posts on the topics of Health, Fitness, and Nutrition, and I’ve decided to take my ramblings a step further… and delve into other topics that are both mainstream and esoteric.
Hardly a day goes by that I don’t get an email, a tweet, or Tumblr Ask from a reader who wants to know my opinion on some topic regarding sexuality, health, fitness, women’s issues, or alternative subject: “Hey, Trish, what do you think about…” … porn… lingerie… anal sex… “Trish, do you have any thoughts about…” … marijuana… astral travel… the Saints winning another Super Bowl…
Well, of course, I do! (And no, the Saints will never win another Super Bowl. We never thought they’d win a first one!)
I have tucked my opinions about many topics within my posts here on my AW Blog, and my OpEd posts have addressed certain topics du jour. But I want to respond to these general topic requests that I feel are different from my AskTrish posts, which deal with a person’s specific situation. So my new “What I Really Think About…” posts will be filed under the new category WIRTA.
Also, I will be starting new series of posts on Dreams because dreams can be very important, as well as Recipes to help fuel your nutrition and aphrodisiac needs, plus other out-there, bohemian, pagan, witchy, crazy, alternative, quantum, woo-woo topics that tickle my fancy and make me ponder the meaning of life in the multiverse as a ball of energy hanging out in a physical meat-suit — this existence being a cozy boho-fabulous place I like to call Trishtopia. :-)
So look for my new series beginning in March!
If you read my post from the other day, you know ArousedWoman is now 1 year old — and what a year it has been! I did not set out to create what ArousedWoman has become — I just followed my heart to continue my activism for myself personally and “to stir to action” and “awaken” others to the need for activism for women’s rights and other issues collectively. And poof! ArousedWoman is now arousing readers around the world.
As I review everything that’s gone on in 2012, I am re-focusing ArousedWoman for 2013 and beyond. My activism is definitely still here (sorry, men :-)), but I want to hone in on specifics to awaken people to healthy sexuality and a sex-positive outlook. Sex is not about control, or pain, or staying quiet to keep the peace in a relationship. Our sexual happiness is fundamental to our happiness as human beings, and I don’t think true happiness is possible if we’re playing manipulative games within our sexual relationships.
If you’ve read much of my blog, then you’ll know that I approach sexuality from a Tantric perspective, with leanings toward Kundalini and other ancient wisdom. With so many people trying to find their sexual identity in our 21st century soulless culture, a link to the past is a good grounding for wading through the murky flotsam and getsam of shame, fear, and guilt pervading our Puritanical society.
I think the human body is beautiful. Sex is beautiful. Orgasms are beautiful — and natural — and healthy. With that as my foundation, I am re-focusing ArousedWoman to “Awakening Sexuality in Mind, Body, and Spirit.”
Not just a sex blog, I want to help people on a myriad of levels. Sexual health begins in the mind, but vitality of the body and spirit are just as crucial to being happy sexually, and in turn, happy in your everyday life. And my dear atheist readers, don’t get scared by the word “spirit”! Spirit has nothing to do with religion (religion is an evil pyramid scheme for an elite core of men to gain and maintain their power and wealth). I may throw some good ol’ pagan sex rite stuff in here occasionally, but trust me, religion is NOT on the menu here!
Orgasm is not just a physical phenomenon but more truly an intangible response of the subtle body and the parasympathetic nervous system. I will cover some non-traditional aspects of holistic growth such as exploring dreams, meditation, breathing, stress relief, raising energy, shamanism, Tantric bodywork, bioenergetics, the brain vs. the mind, meat-based diet vs. vegetarianism, nutrition, exercise, and controversial topics such as entheogens and polyamory, to name a few.
Beginning this summer, I will be creating videos that address some of the issues and posting them on my new YouTube page. The videos will cover anatomy, nutrition, exercise, and more topics that I will also cover here in the blog. Why not sooner, you may ask? I need to get a video camera with a mic input. So until I upgrade to an iPhone or shell out some moolah for an actual digicam with a mic input, the videos will be on hold till summer-ish.
And I’m close to announcing the beta test for my orgasm training method, so be sure to sign up for my newsletter for more information on how to apply for that when the time comes.
All in all, I am profoundly grateful for all my new friends I’ve gained in the past year. It really has been amazing! Looking ahead, 2013 is destined to be even better. Stay tuned for exciting developments!
Spending time pondering the meaning of it all, I returned to a little activity I like to do to think positively about the future. I open up my drawing program and finesse the design of my ultimate dream home.
Today, I did a complete re-design… actually, I designed the little cottage I’ve always wanted to have in addition to the big house that would be more for entertaining. Except now I’m not wanting the big house as much — just the cottage.
What was my thought process? See below. :D
* Read Part 1 here. *
On the plus side, I wasn’t comparing it to anything else. Maybe because I’m female or because I was using a small caress, but what I’m experiencing is not how I perceive what others (men) have experienced. I’m just exploring it as it is.
I’ve also noticed that my dreams have been synchronistic with my goals and metaphorical dreams. My REM-sleep dreams have been particularly… mine… and about my future. I feel my shamanic dreams are coming back.
I’ve also noticed that I’ve needed a lot less sleep lately. When I go to bed, I’m not really tired. When I wake up, I don’t have a sluggish feeling or just having awakened feeling. It’s as if it’s one continuous circle/cycle rather than an awake — go through the day — end of day — sleep — dream — wake up — lather, rinse, repeat… A natural life flow, as Jack called it.
And as I was explaining to a friend on Twitter earlier, it’s like I’m swimming in this flow of higher vibrational energy. I don’t have to “get” aroused because I’m already there. If I want an orgasm, I turn the ceiling fan on. Or just think the word “orgasm.” BAM! A big, full-body O hits wherever I am — spontaneous orgasm combustion while trying to work. Walking down the street has been difficult(!). It’s cool to be able to just think an orgasm — not think about a long scene to get in the mood — just think it, and SHAZAM! There it is… there they are. It’s really awesome.
Jack hinted that I can now actively, purposely spin the energy into something bigger. My orgasms of late have had the feeling of being expansive, or being bigger than me, but being from me and in every part of me — not just the genitals.
Recently, I have found myself sometimes taking the observer/watcher mode during arousal and even during the orgasms… wondering (even fretting) about what I look like during orgasm, what I sound like… I can’t prepare for it. When the first O hits, there is no warning… it’s just THERE!
But I don’t want to get into the trap of playing mind games. Mind noise / mind games are societal, cultural, even religious bullshit, in my opinion. To help get me out of my head, Jack suggested I think of my self and my orgasms as “here” rather than from “there” (from a specific part of my anatomy) or as if I’m going “there.” This reminded me of a popular modern witch bumper sticker: “We are everywhere.” We — witches: wise women — are indeed everywhere. And in my current experiences with my expansive, cosmic orgasms, I am even more sure that I am plugged in to true universal connectedness.
This brought up a memory of reading the definition of Woman in OSHO’s Tantra teachings — Woman as everywhere but formless until she joins with Man. I didn’t like it the first time I read it because of the implication of Woman getting her identity from man, but I’m understanding it more… (I still don’t “like” it.)
I have noticed that since I’m more aware of pronoun usage in my writing — saying my clitoris instead of the clitoris, my breasts, my prostate, loving her instead of it, has helped me integrate me and my parts into a whole that is ME. Going inside myself has opened me up to the everything that is everywhere… a very amazing feeling…. not overwhelming (yet).
Jack then threw out some more words o’ wisdom saying, “Your orgasm doesn’t come from man, they come from within you, and from Cosmos, Goddess (add all you like here who inspire…) through you.”
And THAT brought it all home for me. THAT is exactly what these orgasms have been like — happening THROUGH me! Similar to my awake/sleep cycle and my constant higher vibrational state/access to orgasms, these orgasms feel as if they are already there, already happening, I just decided to turn the switch on and enjoy a few — or a few hours of them. There isn’t a manual process of “start stimulation — raise arousal — have orgasm — end.” I’m already in the energy. I live there. It’s ready whenever I decide to jump into the stream of conscious-orgasmness. I’m just turning in, tuning in.
I’m so very grateful that I’ve received these experiences that I wasn’t expecting. It really brings home the importance and the usefulness of the non-attachment / no expectation mindset/approach.
Jack agreed, saying, “The BIGGEST stuff often tends to come through when you’re not expecting it (consciously)… because that’s when all of your alter-consciousness inner allies have a chance to whisper their teachings to you!”
And this is so very true, of course. I’ve been thinking a lot about my future. Seems I’m at another fork in the road. I’ve also been thinking about a lot of possibilities for my future with a partner. But all of that in due time. I’m taking these experiences one orgasm at a time, one self-truth at a time, one chunk of enlightenment at a time. It’s really all I can process right now.
Bliss is an energy, and it can be accessed without a partner or even without any physical stimulation at all — as I’ve learned IN SPADES this week. The “wheel” /cycle continues on… And at least, I can’t get pregnant from a ceiling fan.
Aroused, streaming, and dreaming,
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My last session — on Monday — was amazing, and I wrote about it here.
After the final big orgasm, as the contractions pulsated in my vagina, cervix, and anus, I burst into tears which made me deliriously happy (inside). This emotion was centered in the heart chakra. I felt the wall of my chest vibrating — a heartgasm?, and my hands flew up to my heart and over my eyes. The crying was guttural and from my core. It felt like I was finally back on my journey’s path.
This may not sound like a good thing, but I was relieved by the emotional expression that occurred. The past few weeks, my orgasms had been unemotional — with little to no crying afterward. I have begun to equate my vocal volume during and my emotional crying afterward with the intensity and number of orgasms. The louder and boo-hooey-er, the bigger and better. The lack of emotional response seemed to be synonymous with the lack of true arousal I’d been feeling.
This then brought up other emotional issues… I realized that I almost dread having sex with a partner again… the more emotional I am means the awesomer my orgasms were. Men are scared of emotion. So this is actually beginning to feel like a deal-breaker. I can’t go back to unemotional sex. Women who like casual sex — more power to them. I’ve recently discovered I just don’t want it. I would need to hide my emotions for a “just fucking” encounter, and that would hurt too much.
I know this separates me from the majority of feminists out there who think that being an empowered female means fucking anything that’s longer than it is wide and being able to walk away unaffected by the encounter. I never was that way inside, though I did have the occasional orgy one-night stand. (Another reason to love the theatre :D ). And I’m a humanist, not a feminist — if “feminist” is defined as thinking women should automatically be placed ahead of men just because we’re female — that’s reverse discrimination FOR the vagina, which is no better than discrimination AGAINST the vagina.
Recognizing that I… need… as well as want the emotional component of sexual experience must mean I’m getting old… or maybe more integrated with my higher self. “Needing” anything is not easy for me. I’ve always been and had to be independent. Find a way or make a way. No negotiations. No excuses. “Needing” puts me in a position of submissiveness. Vulnerability. And frankly, that freaks me out.
Not to get all woo-woo on you, but having experienced the astral plane in dreams and the cosmic orgasm from my prostate awakening, I refuse to settle for anything less. Don’t get me wrong. I would still enjoy a good ol’ fashioned hard fuck, as long as the underlying relationship is one of love and trust — then the hard fuck is really just a matter of mutual, wild, animal lust rearing its fabulous head amidst a spirit-connected sexual and sensual experience… but I can cry afterward, knowing I’m safe, that I felt safe to give myself so fully to the experience in the first place… and for me, crying is a good thing.
Aroused and blubbering,
In the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to get back into the KSMO thing. After the debacle (with a couple of morons) on the forum, I didn’t do anything KSMO for 2 months. In the interim, I finally tried Om-ing and was shocked by the fabulous results I had with it as well as went a couple rounds with my new glass prostate wand and have loved playing with that ever since.
Oddly enough, I began to experience painful sensitivity in my nipples. Not the whole breasts, just the nipples. This was horribly sad because I have begun to rely on nipple stim as the appetizer that leads to the entree of arousal and delectable orgasmic desert(s) later on. Also, since beginning a regular-ish practice of sensual massage, I’ve found my hands on my breasts almost constantly whenever I’m naked. (That may seem weird, but since I spent most of my life hating my breasts, I’m actually just getting to know them.)
Nipple stimulation leads to a cervical, Kundalini orgasm in 10 to 30 seconds. If I continue the nipple and breast stimulation (as I’m wont to do), I can even get aroused enough to experience what author Diana Richardson calls the “YES!” of vaginal arousal, where the vaginal opening (the clitoral cuff of the PC muscles) opens and a finger or toy slides right in — no wiggling past the fleshy opening necessary to enter. The first time I felt my vagina open like that, it was as if my vulva was sighing a sweet, “Ahhhhh….” It felt amazing. Since then, I can sense when my vagina is open like that, waiting to be entered by… something. In fact, I’ve found myself awakening in the middle of the night from a sexual-infused dream and without touching my shaved vulva, I can tell I’m fully opened and in “YES!” mode.
With little notice, my nipples became painfully sensitive a few weeks ago. Even the air flow from the ceiling fan was painful. This made me pay attention to the rest of the breast (which, admittedly, is overlooked by men as well). I can only surmise that the pain was related to my hormonal cycles — it began a week after my period, through ovulation (think I caught the egg this month!), and a week after. This past week has been miraculously back to normal in sensation. However, the cervical O’s only came back in the last day or two, and they’re not as strong — but I did notice that the intensity is building back. Will have to work on those. :)
As for the energy in my legs, I don’t have much to report other than I’ve noticed weird pulsating, energy zaps down the backs of my legs recently. It feels like contractions (but not like a leg cramp). It’s as if it’s building energy, starting in my lower glutes/upper hamstrings and down to my calves. Strong sensations but not unpleasant.
I had full-body O’s during this last session with lots of energy in my legs — which is great because my legs are strong and tend to be very active during the last phase of arousal (shaking profusely) and during orgasms themselves (kicking out, pulling up, kicking out again, etc.). I can even feel my prostate coming back to life, which had also gone dormant in recent months.
As for regular orgasms, I’ve had my orgasms in the past few weeks, but they hadn’t been as satisfying as I’ve become accustomed since last Fall. I don’t know if this is related to the nipple pain or not. The breasts are indeed the gateway to orgasm (for me, anyway), so that may have been the cause for (what I consider) the lackluster orgasms — they were localized to the genitals, and even when they extended upward, they weren’t full-body… more … one-hit of orgasm, but not even an explosion. (Yes, this was with blended O stim.)
On the brighter side, I woke up from some sensual dream at 3:45 a.m. today, and unable to sleep, I laid in bed as I do with my legs spread open and massaged my breasts and labia. It was fabulous. I can’t count the number of cervical O’s I had with the breast stimulation, and even had a couple of energy zings from minor OM clit stimulation.
Will have to see where all this leads next… Being on my period, I won’t be able to play inside until Saturday or Sunday… well, I could, but man, I hate the “Clean up, aisle 12″ scenario. Guess it’s just me and my breasts till then!
(*In response to a friend who is on a journey with a new toy, her pelvic hum, bioenergetics, dreamwork, singing, and lots of inner work.*)
Awesome! Will definitely get that toy then… One of the things I’m fascinated by, vaginally speaking, is how it doesn’t feel cylindrical in there. It feels more rectangular (and wider than you’d think it would be), and those nooks and crannies are so cool to explore! And when the walls are swollen with arousal and seem to squish my fingers, it is a completely different feeling than when the vagina is in “Yes!” (as Tantra guru Diana Richardson says) when the walls seem to be elevated and the opening is wide, ready, and waiting for entry.
Another reason the shower check each night is pretty cool — circling the cervix with my finger as it dips lower than usual, I sometimes wonder, “How the heck did a kid come out of here?!” That toy will be a welcome addition to Expedition Vagina. More field work, indeed!!
Re: the buzz in the pelvic/ She-spot area — This is another reason I LOVE belly dancing. The hip isolations really get you in tune with the lower region. And in Pilates or Yoga, doing Goddess Pose (sometimes called “Horse Stance” — ugh! ), with the feet wide apart, then you bend the knees to lower yourself down (in ballet, it’s a grande plie`). This alone can get you in touch with the pelvic floor and the orgasmic power in the lower core area. But try some pelvic tilts — they can be yummy!
LISTEN TO YOUR GUIDES!!! I can also tell that KSMO’s full potential of awakening is there, too. I’m “Gretel” to its breadcrumbs, so I’m trying really hard not to chase but allow. But I’m kinda setting a deadline of Yule to see more results — not as a pass or fail grade, but just to see what can happen .
I’m reminded of a great line from YENTL (one of my fave movies), when Mandy Patinkin’s character lists off all the things “Yentl” (Barbra Streisand’s character) has in her life, and he asks, “What more could you want?” And she simply says, “More.” That’s my problem. I want more. And lots of it. Yesterday.
I’m a competitive person, so when I don’t accomplish something, my arts training kicks in, and I start going over where I could have done better, rehearsed longer, rehearsed better, been more focused, etc. Letting go of the A-part of my AB personality is tough. I’m also an ENTJ, the “Commander/Field Marshal” personality — y’all may have noticed.
I’ve made it where I am in my career as a full-time artist because I didn’t let failure or rejection defeat me, and I have followed the adage, “I’ll find a way or MAKE a way.” Overcoming, or at least setting that part of me aside, has been the most difficult part. Also because I haven’t been with a partner in a looong while, and a little over a year ago, I set out as a single mom, and responsibilities took precedence over pleasure.
I need to be in the right head space to practice, albeit not perfectly. I try to think of Buddha’s logic, that we are perfect in our imperfection — which means I’m frickin’ fabulous! HA!
My dreams are coming back — yay! And I hope to have another volcano dream soon. I had one a few months ago, and it was my second volcano dream ever — but it was so synchronistic with what’s happening in mind, body, and spirit. Soon, I can put my “order” in to the Universe for my Mr. Right-For-Me Dream Man to appear… probably in the next couple of years, which is a nice thought to think about.
Aroused and dreaming,