A reader of my blog in England has written in with a great question about how to stop his addiction to porn and how to stop ejaculating. He also has a keen interest in Tantra and wants to know how to grow his experience in a sensual, loving way and ditch porn for good.
Here’s the missive he sent me:
Hi Trish, and thank you for your amazing work.
I’m a married man in my late twenties, and I suspect I have a very strong sex drive. Unfortunately, I developed an addiction to porn, probably due to a lack of sexual guidance and education.
I have been looking into tantra for a long time, but until now, this practice hasn’t been going much further than buying books. I just can’t seem to be able not to ejaculate, as if without it, all the tension in my mind and body can’t be channeled; and I keep going back to porn.
What is the best way to start developing a healthy sexuality and not misusing my sexual energy, and what can I do to stop my porn addiction? With a computer around it seems way to difficult to stop, but at the same time, [the] internet opens me to information like your work that helps [in] dealing with my issue.
How can I find a trustworthy tantric master in my area (England) who will guide me in this process?
Such a great topic! And I do my best to answer his questions in my latest video. So be sure to check it out. And leave a comment below to share your own journey with expansion and positive sexuality.
If you’ve seen my recent foray into daily YouTubing, you will have noticed that the second day of the week is now Tantra Tuesday. You know I love Tanta, and there is SOOOOO much more to Tantra than just sex … although I love the sexy side of Tantra as well.
In this weekly series, I will talk about the history behind Tantra, its philosophies and its wisdoms for improving your life on a daily basis — yes, that includes sex. Of course, the best orgasm secrets I keep for clients who sign up for training with me.
So check out the first installment of Tantra Tuesday, and leave a comment here and/or my YouTube page!
CONNECT with AROUSEDWOMAN:
Tantra: The Cult of Ecstasy is a large-sized paperback book originally published in Britain that covers some of the basics about Tantra, offering accurate information on this ancient, extensive, and often confusing topic. The book features full-color photographs from the Tantra sutras, connecting the reader with Tantric history. The author, Indra Sinha, focuses on the ancient paths of Tantra: the goddesses associated, sacred sites, mantras, and meditations, as well as explains the many misconceptions of Tantra as presented in the West. Sinha was a Sanskrit scholar at Cambridge and also wrote one of the popular modern translations of the infamous Kama Sutra.
The reason I like Tantra: The Cult of Ecstasy is because it touches on so many important topics of Tantra but in manageable pieces, perfectly combined with the photos and visually-friendly layout. The photographs are taken from various primary sources – the Tantra sutras, and incorporate various symbolic aspects that the ancients readily understood but may seem shocking or just weird to the modern viewer. Some of the iconography includes blood-covered goddesses, wriggling serpents, and a plethora of yoni (vulvas) and linga (penises). The book also features centuries-old Tantric drawings and paintings that depict maithuna (sexual union), so this book is “Not Safe For Work” and might be best for readers aged 21 or older.
This book touches on so many important topics in a thorough but easy-to-grasp manner that it makes a perfect beginner’s book to Tantra. I heartily recommend Tantra: The Cult of Ecstasy as a primer for Tantra: The Cult of the Feminine by Andre Van Lysebeth, Tantric Yoga and the Wisdom Goddesses by Dr. David Frawley, and Awakening Shakti: The Transformative Power of the Goddesses of Yoga by Sally Kempton. As the umbrella over all the yogas, including hatha and kundalini, Tantra is a shamanic science present in all forms of yogic practice, but the majority of Tantric gnosticism regarding sex is rarely presented at the average yoga studio while being hypersexualized in most New Age Tantric books and workshops.
Another book with a similar cover is Tools for Tantra by North Indian musician and writer Harish Johari, an excellent introduction to the yogic mandalas, Sanskrit mantras, and visual yantras used in Tantra. However, this book is a bit of a dryer read, and so Tantra: The Cult of Ecstasy is still a better opener to Tantra.
As one writer has said, a book without Tantra’s yantra is not really a book on Tantra. Therein lies the great problem with researching Tantra. It is difficult to sort through the numerous books available to ascertain which one will have the best, most reliable information. Finding a teacher versed in real Tantra is even more difficult. Tantra is a way of life, not an hour-long yoga session Monday-Wednesday-Friday, nor a collection of kinky sex positions. Tantra literally means a “tool for expansion” and is thought of as a “web”, a connected yet expanding consciousness, bridging the microcosm with the macrocosm and back again, cyclically.
The author, Sinha, writes on page 15, “The basis of all Tantrism is the worship of Sakti and Siva, the female and the male principles…. Without Sakti, there is no Siva, and no Siva without Sakti.” Sinha states emphatically in the previous paragraph, “Siva and Sakti cannot be separated.” (14-15) This very specific religious and spiritual foundation is probably the reason most Tantrism in the West has been secularized, stripping the “foreign” and non-Christian aspects to make Tantra and sexuality more palatable for sexually-repressed Americans. While I personally, do not subscribe to Sanatana Dharma (“Hinduism”), I appreciate the energies anthropomorphized as the balancing principals of Shakti or Shiva. Sinha has included the “foreign” bits and ancient spiritual practices for the Tantra newcomer.
The photographs of the ancient depictions of Tantra, her goddesses, and the sacred symbols can be jarring at first. The modern observer may find it odd to see detached penises and flying vulvas included in sacred sexuality. I will admit, that it does seem a bit “J. Alfred Prufrock’ed” at times. However, like all symbols, they are meant to jog the memory of the mind, the heart, and/or the subconscious self, not to be the whole story in and of itself.
Intriguing to some and perhaps shocking to others, Tantra: The Cult of Ecstasy helps diminish the hypersexualized celebrity of Tantra and add fact where fiction has reigned in the popular consciousness. Sinha perfectly synthesizes centuries of teachings into a helpful, 154-page book, including an impressive 9-page bibliography and index, that informs but does not overwhelm the senses. Anyone looking to dip her or his toe into the expansive waters of Tantra would do well to start with Sinha’s Tantra: The Cult of Ecstasy.
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Listen to my radio broadcast at BlogTalkRadio.com/Aroused on this very topic of “Porn vs. Erotica Sex,” then come back here and leave a comment below!
The p0rn of the 1970’s and 1980’s made caricatures out of the women as hyperorgasmic nyphomaniacs with the men serving no purpose other than just being an erection that jackhammered vaginas.
So what do you think of porn’s ….
- fake breasts
- skewed body image
- fake orgasms
- disrespect of women and women’s real sexuality
- disrespect of men’s sexuality
- men ejaculating on a woman’s face
- female ejaculation falsely represented by urination
- several men gang-banging one woman
- cheezy music and bad lighting…
Women have since taken the lead in writing, directing, and producing sex on film. This, plus the rise of amateur vids distributed via the internet, has changed how people want to see their sex.
As I say all the time on Twitter: The human body is beautiful. Sex is beautiful. Orgasm is natural. Reject dogma (and bad p0rn) that shames you into thinking otherwise. :-)