Listen to my radio broadcast at BlogTalkRadio.com/Aroused on this very topic of “Porn vs. Erotica Sex,” then come back here and leave a comment below!
The p0rn of the 1970′s and 1980′s made caricatures out of the women as hyperorgasmic nyphomaniacs with the men serving no purpose other than just being an erection that jackhammered vaginas.
So what do you think of porn’s ….
- fake breasts
- skewed body image
- fake orgasms
- disrespect of women and women’s real sexuality
- disrespect of men’s sexuality
- men ejaculating on a woman’s face
- female ejaculation falsely represented by urination
- several men gang-banging one woman
- cheezy music and bad lighting…
Women have since taken the lead in writing, directing, and producing sex on film. This, plus the rise of amateur vids distributed via the internet, has changed how people want to see their sex.
As I say all the time on Twitter: The human body is beautiful. Sex is beautiful. Orgasm is natural. Reject dogma (and bad p0rn) that shames you into thinking otherwise.
I’ve been married for almost 15 years. Before I got married, I used to have orgasms without a problem during intercourse, and I was very active and sexual woman. Now, AFTER 15 years, we have sex like every three or four months and worse, without orgasms… well, once a year if I’m really lucky. I only get an orgasm while watching porn and masturbating myself — so, I’m not anorgasmic — but it doesn’t happen while having sex with him. Even when I’m aroused and really try to have an orgasm mental and physically, it just doesn’t happen. I talked to him, but it’s not enough.
I LOOOVEEEE sex, I like sex, and even for a while I resigned myself to abstinence. Well, I suppose that I am the problem, but I cannot find the solution. I want to enjoy sex, and literally shout out myself for pleasure and orgasm during intercourse but well… here I am asking for help. Love my husband and I wish I could surrender myself into his arms and enjoy and cry out for pleasure. Any thoughts?
Right off the bat, I see at least three major things that need to be addressed, and hear me when I say, YOU are NOT the sole issue that needs help here. It takes two to tango, and in a relationship, each partner is 100% responsible for participating in their 50% of the partnership.
The word relationship does not mean “suffer in silence,” as you seem to be doing — I know that’s how I felt in my miserable 15-year marriage with orgasmless sex. (At least you like your guy!) A relationship is supposed to be two (or more) people actively relating to each other. I don’t see much relating at all here. But let’s begin this conversation with you…
You didn’t tell me your age, so for round numbers, let’s say you’re 40 years old and got married at 25. In your early 20′s then, you were a vibrant, happy, sexual, naturally orgasmic woman. Fast forward 15 years, you’re experiencing issues with orgasm with a husband who is uninterested in “fixing” a relationship he apparently doesn’t view as being problematic.
From a physical standpoint, the body completely regenerates every cell in the body within about three years. So you are literally not the same person you were then — your body has completely re-created itself 5 times since then. Now, at “40,” your hormone levels are different, your blood chemistry is different, and this isn’t even considering if you take prescription medication on a regular basis that can upset your body’s chemical balance, or have unhealthy nutrition habits, too much alcohol or caffeine intake, etc.
My first recommendation to you is to get your bloodwork done and see what your hormone levels are — do you make enough testosterone? Testosterone is required for women’s sexuality, believe it or not. When we’re younger, we have plenty of it (without seeming masculine), but as we get older, women’s testosterone levels drop significantly. This can be made worse if you have been taking products that give you extra estrogen, such as birth control, or eating unfermented soy products like soy milk, soy yogurt, or ingesting too many foods made with soy. Also get your thyroid levels checked as the thyroid regulates hormone production in the body.
The second area I would address if I were you is the porn. Don’t get me wrong, I love to watch beautiful, sensual erotica myself, but as with any item we start to “rely” on for orgasm, porn may now be a “crutch” for you. I gave up vibrators when I could no longer have an orgasm without them — I literally had no feeling in my clit or labia, and I wasn’t even using a vibrator that often. It took six months to be able to feel any sensation in my clit. You may have gotten to the point where you’ve unconsciously talked yourself into reaching climax “only” when watching porn, so the orgasm is less about your sexual happiness and connection to your self and more about a psychosomatic reflex — “muscle memory” triggered by watching porn, if you will.
Go porn-less for a few months and get back in touch with your body. Your body was naturally orgasmic. Allow the muscles and nerves and your autonomic nervous system to re-learn what came so easily back then — awaken that “muscle” memory! This will take time and will likely be very frustrating. I invite you to read through my DailyOJ if you want a friend-in-frustration because I certainly understand. I would recommend my “Allowing and Receiving post” any time you really feel the pull to give up the bodywork and go back to the porn. Again, I’m not saying you should never watch erotica again, just take a break for a little while. Or watch some erotica or scroll through my Tumblr to get the juices flowing, then turn it off when you start masturbating. Relax into your body, focusing on your body’s wants and needs, not what you think your body “should” want or how it “should” act/react. Read my post on “Lying Broken in Pieces As I Heal” to see this process from a different perspective.
The third issue here is the infrequency of the sexual relationship with your husband. I am wondering, “What’s wrong with him that he doesn’t want to make love to a woman just starting her sexual prime? What’s going on in his work? His life outside the relationship — with him as a man? What stresses does he experience with his job, deadlines, co-workers? Does he have any addictions (food, caffeine, alcohol, other) that could be affecting him? Does he have health issues that are affecting his emotions, blood circulation, sexual drive, and even his mental/psychological state? Does he experience erectile dysfunction? Is he not making enough testosterone at this point in his life?” Yes, men make less testosterone as they get older as well.
As a man in his 40′s, let’s say, he may have been brought up in the last generation of boys who were taught to solve problems for themselves, don’t ask for help — that’s a sign of “weakness,” men have to have all the answers, be the leaders. Men are still suffering from the strong-silent-type John Wayne persona they were forced to emulate all the while being fed the Renaissance Man/Prince stereotype who is supposed to sweep a woman off her feet, romance her endlessly, and the relationship bliss and passion just happen all the time by magic — as women have been brainwashed into believing thanks to “princess” animated movies, romance novels, and daytime soaps.
Orgasms can seem easy enough if you find the right sex position. But the want has to really be there as well as a healthy mind and a healthy body. It doesn’t sound to me like he wants to bridge the divide here. Sex 4 times a year is not a true relating-ship, in my opinion, especially since you have tried to talk with him and he has not been receptive to communication. There are deeper issues going on with him that he may not feel comfortable sharing… yet.
Getting back to you, though, I hope you’re not expecting him to “give” you orgasms or “make” you cum. You are 100% responsible for your own orgasms during sex — or even solo. I see you understand that orgasm is a mental process first for a woman. After all the disappointment you’ve faced with this, your mental outlook may verge on the pessimistic side. You have work to do, for sure, and you need to work on yourself and your self first.
Okay… I lied… there’s a fourth thing I want you to consider…
In this post on orgasms, I explain there are different types of orgasms: the physical reflex and the energetic response. You can frig off for hours and never orgasm, much less climax. Or you can rewire the body to the point where you just think the word “orgasm,” and you’re off into the La-La Land of Bliss. Get back to your body, and rewire from the parasympathetic nervous system outward. And remember, I’m working on an orgasm training method that teaches this very thing, so be sure to sign up for my newsletter.
I know, I know… Other peolpe are going to suggest you do all the work here — add the “romance” back in, wear some lingerie, light candles, cook him a nice dinner, give him a massage to loosen him up to get him in the mood. This is all superficial bullshit. Your relationship needs true communication re-building, and that begins with honest dialogue, not pretending the problems away.
To begin this journey of healing, begin with yourself. To heal the relationship, you MUST sit him down, either just the two of you or with a counselor. You cannot save the sex or the relationship by yourself.
I most heartfully wish you well in this. And for more in-depth personalized advice, I also do consults via phone or Skype.
A male member of the AW Forum posted a discussion in the Music to Set the Mood area, saying:
“Just thought I would add a category that I like to call ‘Hard Erotica.’ It’s a little more gritty and animalistic… Sometimes a good fuck requires a little hair pulling….”
Seriously? We’re back to the “so easy a cave man could do it” attitude toward sex?
The songs to which this member linked were dance-music, “hardcore erotica” tracks from Basic Instinct and Madonna. As a composer of real music, I find that this sort of computerized drivel personifies what is wrong with popular music (overproduced, over-sampled, monotonous in “beat”), but I’ll leave that aside for now.
Describing an enthusiastic fuck as “animalistic” begins to lead the conversation about sex back toward hardcore porn — removing the humanity from sex and encouraging the monotonous mechanics of impersonal fucking — which is not something I subscribe to and is NOT the purpose of my forum or anything related to ArousedWoman(TM). Sex should be about connection — even casual fucking should have a dose of humanity and connectedness to it.
We all know sex can get really heated and… exuberant… that doesn’t mean the intent is “animalistic,” necessarily. This sort of description is exactly the terminology the church used to shame sex — that it was “base” and only for “lower” animals. Deep, fast, thrusting sex can be thrilling for sure, but that doesn’t mean it is “animalistic.” Sex can also be incredibly tender and beautiful. Sex should be a raising of energy between partners, not just a means of tension relief from erratic muscular contractions. In fact, from a Tantric perspective, the best orgasms happen from “slow sex.” (Yes, I said slow sex — as in, the man enters the vagina, and nobody moves for an hour… Yes, I said an hour.)
For myself, I make it clear to a partner that hair pulling is absolutely NOT OKAY. It’s not only a sign of aggravated assault (to me), but yanking a woman’s head back via hair pulling is dangerous to the cervical spine and the larynx (the tube for breathing and speech).
Men may have a fantasy about hair pulling because of what they’ve seen in “hardcore porn,” but only because they’ve never been on the receiving end of having their head yanked back by their long hair or ponytail. No, it is not the same feeling as when a woman curls her fingers in a man’s short hair (on his head) and pulls his head back (that is bad enough), but to have someone grab hold of your long hair, use it like a handle to jerk your head back is horribly painful — and again, dangerous to the neck and larynx.
Yes, I know, some readers will complain (again) that I’m being all “puritanical” and I’m “not at peace” with myself for expressing my opinion (and I’m not even on my period and all hormonal), but I don’t exist to perpetuate the stereotypes of women or sex. So suck it.
ArousedWoman(TM) is about awakening from the “dirty,” impersonal, shame-filled KoolAid of sexuality as demonized by religion and kinkified by a society still trying to find balance in sexual practices and “roles.” As I say on Twitter: “The human body is beautiful. Sex is beautiful.” Nothing about ArousedWoman(TM) is about hardcore porn, so find another site if that’s all you care about — there are plenty of porn & sex sites that perpetuate the pro-church, misogynistic attitudes toward sexuality. ArousedWoman(TM) is NOT one of those.
One last word on monotonous dance music… If a man can only move his hips in one rhythm, he’s a dud in bed. Give me a man who can fuck the 1812 Overture, and we’ll talk.
Don’t get me wrong — I love ALL penises: circumcized penises, small penises, large penises, all of them. But some uncut men in the United States still have to deal with discrimination from partners who are unaccustomed to seeing, handling, or loving a natural, intact penis.
I recently saw a tortured comment from one uncut guy on Tumblr. He was so distraught by a girlfriend calling his natural penis “nasty,” he was seriously contemplating getting circumcized at his current age of 23 or 24. I was horrified — not only at the thought of an adult male choosing circumcision just to be considered “normal” in a culture that has no clue about what normal sexuality should be (i.e., not evil, not sinful, not shameful, not jackhammering a vagina), but this girlfriend then told all her friends about his “nasty” penis and he became the laughing stock of his friends and acquaintances — at a college, no less.
** Stepping up on soapbox: America’s Puritanical overlords and evangelical bullshit have so warped our culture, few people have a clue as to what is natural and beautiful… in penises, breasts, or vulva! And yes, I am one of those radical tree-huggers who views routine infant male circumcision and any female circumcision as aggravated sexual assault with a deadly weapon, with the perpetrators being culpable and deserving jail time. (Stepping down…) **
I have already had a few submissions, and while some are great, some are a bit lackluster — not for size or shape, but for the absolute disregard for ambiance!!! Jeez! Dudes! You’re taking pics of your penis for a woman!!! Why is the toilet in the background?!
So I’m laying out some Submission Guidelines.
- Photo must be of you and submitted by you, and YOU must be 21 years of age or older, regardless of where you live in the world.
- Photo must be a close-up of your penis and testicles, or of your body somewhere from your navel to above your knees, i.e., your face should not be in the pic.
- Multiple photos are permissible to show the way the foreskin moves/changes in different states: unaroused/natural, partially aroused, fully erect, etc. No cum shots will be posted (but you can send them anyway ).
- Photos should be taken in natural light with NO FLASH — using flash does NOT make your penis look inviting. (Sorry, but that’s the truth.) So take the pic near a window, outside in the woods or other place where you won’t be arrested for indecent exposure, etc.
- Higher resolution is better.
- Photo may be edited by me for size, color tone, etc.
- I HATE BLUE!!! So please don’t have anything blue in the picture.
- All men — straight, gay, bi — are more than welcome!
If in doubt as to tone and ambiance, PLEASE look at my Tumblr page. I adore sensuality. Crude porn shots is NOT what I’m looking for. I want to honor the male and the uncut penis.
Sumbit via email on the main ArousedWoman.com website.
P.S. Cut guys — feel free to send pics, too, and I’ll put them in a separate collage.
* Follow trish on Twitter. *
* Visit the main ArousedWoman website. *
Released on Kindle a few months ago, Chapter 6 of Confessions of an Aroused Woman is now available as a .PDF for only $3.00. Based on personal experiences, Confessions of an Aroused Woman is a fictionalized series of erotica vignettes that is women-positive, sex-positive, and all-around fun to read.
Reviews on Amazon.com:
Refreshingly, realistically, erotic May 31, 2012 ~ By B. Lee
Trish Causey’s writing is as informative and exciting as her website. It is fascinating to read her first-person accounts of what an aroused woman feels and does. The scene in which she is showing her man her masturbation, describing in exquisite detail her actions and sensations and thoughts, while he honors her arousal and gradually contributes to it, is intense! The chapter is so descriptive, hot, and wet, that it’s almost an erotic case study, and men-loving women would do well to take notes, with a towel nearby.
An open door…May 31, 2012 ~ By Saloonsinger
I read with relish this chapter of Confessions of an Aroused Woman. Ms. Causey writes with power and emotion. She takes us with her on a journey into being her complete and sexual self, and in so doing opens the door for each of us to recognize the same power within us. I highly recommend her as someone to keep an eye out for in the book world.
One of my Twitter followers wrote on 09-03-12:
Purchase Chapter 6 for only $3.00… to tide you over until the entire book is ready for publication! Be sure to type in your email address, so I can email the .PDF to you.
‘ CONFESSIONS OF AN AROUSED WOMAN’ – CHAPTER 6 ~ $3.00
When you click through to the PayPal side, be sure to type in your email address in the comment area, so I can email you the .PDF. You will receive it within 12 hours of PayPal notifying me of your purchase.
Thank you! And I really hope you enjoy it. MUAH!! xoxo
From OM to KSMO to my personal experiences I recount in my DailyOJ, AW is gaining more readers and more Twitter followers every single day. Readers are writing in to tell me how reading this blog has helped them, and even men have reported new kinds of orgasms because they implemented some of my advice.
Below are a few examples of how Aroused Woman is making awesome changes in people’s sex lives and relationships. And I am so very honored to be a part of it.
Here in my corner of the women’s sexuality universe, I have dabbled in writing erotica on the side of all that I do here on the blog posts (and my day job as a freelance writer, penning blog posts, cover stories, and featured articles about the Broadway theatre scene).
I started a couple of chapters for my Confessions of an Aroused Woman, a book of erotic stories based in my own life and my erotic awakening. With the political issues of women making headlines, I started my main site: ArousedWoman, and then this blog.
I never meant to write down my personal experiences in such an open forum as this — much less talk about vaginas and clits every day on Twitter. But I’m very glad I did… and do. Writing up own experiences and feelings in these real blog posts has been a great journey to orgasmic self-empowerment.
And then this other little book was published called 50 Shades of Grey. I hear it’s about S&M or BDSM, or something. Sorry, I won’t be reading it… and apparently, I don’t need to… After reading my tongue-in-cheek post, “OpEd: Fucking Cherokee Men (and Other People of Color),” a reader left a great comment on the blog post concerning my blog.
I am so excited to announce that my first foray into writing erotica is now available via Amazon’s Kindle!
I have published an excerpt, Confessions of an Aroused Woman – Chapter 6, from my upcoming book of erotica. Confessions of an Aroused Woman is comprised of experiences based on my personal journal into being a fully orgasmic woman. For those of you who have known me a while or followed my blog posts, you’ll know that this is a new-ish area for me (thanks to religious oppression and a bad marriage). But I’m SO glad to be here!
This excerpt, Chapter 6, is only available on Kindle for right now, and it is free for Amazon Prime Members. So Prime Members, feel free to “check it out” of the Kindle library.
I hope to have the audiobook of Chapter 6 available by the end of June. So stay tuned for more info on that!
I’m actually very excited! All of my writing has to do with human rights of one kind or another — especially women’s rights and women’s right to equality in being sexual (which is natural and normal!!!). But all my previous writing has been for the stage as a musical, opera, or play. This is my first time being “published.”
And it’s a bit of an experiment with Amazon, so please let me know how it works. And PLEASE leave a review Confessions of an Aroused Woman – Chapter 6 — but only if you LIKE it.
The “red-blooded-ness” of the American male’s manhood is quantified by the degree to which he holds breasts in esteem and wants to hold them in his hands… and his mouth… and slide his erection between them. As one former beau put it, “There’s a whole world of breasts out there, and I can’t die till I’ve seen every pair of them.”
Over the last 40 years, breasts have not only become a national obsession, they’ve become big business spurring the porn and plastic surgery industries to gigantic proportions — a different kind of #WarOnWomen. One might think that porn invented breasts — or even the proliferation of showing breasts, but ancient art and fertility sites clearly indicate the female form has been revered for millennia.
The breast is a gland. Anatomically, female breasts are almost identical to the male breast, though we are unaccustomed to referring to the male’s pectoral/nipple area as a “breast.” The underlying structure of the breast is the pectoral muscle, over which the mammary glands and ducts and fat tissue protrude from the body in post-pubescent females and some men. Men can get breast cancer, and some men even lactate and have breastfed their babies. Men who have excess breast tissue may have a hormonal condition known as gynecomastia, treatment of which is usually surgical male breast reduction.
Our perception of breasts — what they should look like, how they should move, what they should feel like, has changed drastically with the mainstreaming of porn and the life-altering rise of the internet. With sex readily available on any device capable of an internet or wi-fi connection, fake breasts and staged sex are literally at your fingertips 24/7. But what has all this accessibility done to the breast? To women’s bodies? To our body image and self-esteem? Do men even know what real breasts look like anymore?
Real breasts come in many shapes, sizes, and colors. Though the exact look and feel of the breasts varies with the woman, for the most part women’s breasts are oval shaped (not spherical), with the majority of the breast tissue being at or below the nipple/areola complex, and the nipples angled slightly outward, away from each other. In larger breasts, the areola may be oval-shaped as well. Because real breasts function at the demand of the law of gravity, they move — sometimes down, sometimes to the sides toward the armpits, or away from each other all together. Real breasts move.
Thanks to porn and plastic surgery, the placement and the size of implants has created a distorted view of women’s breasts. At times, it seems as if even the doctors don’t know what breasts are supposed to look like!
With results that can appear as if basketballs were surgically implanted, fake breasts can look completely unnatural: spherical instead of oval, the areolas too small in proportion to the size of the breast, the nipples pointing straight out — or worse, upwards.
Implants are inserted at the areola line, inframammary line, or under the armpit, cutting through the nerve-rich tissue and leaving some implantees with little to no sensation in the nipples. Permanently. Considering the nipples are wired directly to the clitoris, why would a woman sacrifice a lifetime of orgasms for money she might earn in porn or stripping — or worse, because she feels inadequate with her body because of the pressure to have huge, high, perfect breasts?
With fake breasts, the implant is placed under the pectoral muscle. Essentially, the implant is held up by the chest wall muscles, rendering the breast an almost motionless appendage. (How are real breasts supposed to compete with this?!)
I’d like to say I don’t have a problem with implants, but yes, I really do have a problem with implants when the woman is getting them because she feels inferior due to media and socio-cultural conditioning. But I recognize this is my problem, and a woman’s body is hers to do with as she chooses. I certainly have no problem with implants for women who are reconstructing their breast(s) post-breast cancer or are evening out a condition in which one breast is underdeveloped. But these are not the majority of women seeking breast augmentation.
Having worked for a plastic surgeon, I heard many women say that they wanted the implants to give them the look of a push-up bra without having to wear a bra. Many implantees get their breasts done with a “pushed up” curvature in the center. Presto! Permanent cleavage.
The proliferation of the push-up bra phenomenon is a direct result of the breast-obsessed culture. While you can argue that the pushed up nature of brassieres harkens back to the days of corsets, the reality is that for most of the corset’s history, the job of the corset (or “pair of bodies” as it was originally called) was to shape the torso into the desired look of the time, not push the breasts up and in.
The pushing up and in of the breasts is actually the complete opposite of what is natural for the breasts and for innate biological signs of sexual maturity. The dropping of the breast tissue is the last phase of puberty for the breasts, and this may not fully happen until the woman is 21 years old. When plastic surgeons are taking measurements for a patient’s breast reduction, they gauge the new nipple line at the inframammary fold, where the underside of the breast meets the torso. So if cosmetic surgeons can get this right with breast reduction, why do they purposely get it so very wrong for breast augmentation?
The hypersexualization of women’s breasts has surpassed the porn and skin mags industry, with the cups of commerce spilling over into stripping, lingerie, comic books, video games, mainstream film, mass market paperback books, and even kids’ cartoons and national beauty pageants.
This doesn’t begin to cover the topic of how breasts naturally change throughout a women’s life. Breasts change constantly through a woman’s monthly cycle. You could say that once puberty starts, the breasts never stop changing!
Add in to this ever-evolving metamorphosis the life cycles of pregnancy, breastfeeding, post-partum hormone craziness, weight gain, weight loss, menopause, and just getting older. The life of real breasts is tough physically, emotionally, and psychologically.
Could there be a shortage of real breasts in the next few decades? While scientists are looking for a cure for the common cold and AIDS, are they already working on a DNA breast augmentation injection so that future generations of girls won’t have to suffer the indignity of not measuring up to society’s demands for unnaturally shaped breasts?
I certainly hope not!
So then why do men buy porn? And skin mags? And go see strippers? I know men are viscerally oriented and generally lack imagination when it comes to getting off, but this is ridiculous.
And why the hell do men think women want lingerie as a gift?! All of these industries are run by men for men with women not being considered in the equation at all — except to feel like something is wrong if they’re a size A cup instead of FFF or their breasts hang naturally instead of defying the laws of gravity.
Why are men so desirous of seeing breasts bigger and bigger and in completely unnatural formations and perfectly, unnaturally symmetrical? How would men feel if they were expected to have their sensitive parts pushed up and in when these parts are supposed to be down, free, and maybe slightly uneven?
Whether temporary pushing up of the breasts via a bra or permanent cleavage due to manipulated implants, society not only accepts but expects this violation against women’s biology. In fact, when women’s breasts do not meet the porn/skin mag fake implant standard, the real, living, breathing, feeling, natural, un-airbrushed women are made to feel as if something is wrong with them — that their bodies are somehow misshapen or ugly if their breasts do not match society’s porn-induced standard.
Breasts come in many different sizes, shapes, and colors. Before passing judgment on a woman’s body that will make her feel less than human, think of other females you know — your sister or your daughter, even your mother. Would you want someone else to make them feel less than worthy as a human being just because of the way their body is naturally?
Then don’t pass the socio-cultural brainwashing on by passing judgment on your girlfriend or wife. And stop supporting the very industries that propagate the brainwashing. Stop buying porn and skin mags and comic books. Start buying erotica directed by women and starring natural women. Buy books about women written by women, or subscribe to sites that feature natural women being naturally sexy.
Better yet, get off the computer and go hug your woman.
(*In response to men’s take on nipple stimulation and what they like.*)
Got into an interesting debate on the difference between porn & erotica last night. Especially in regard to how the female body is treated for the sake of men’s ogling. Erotica is much more women-friendly than porn, especially with all the rampant crap that is available on the internet. Female-centered erotica with real orgasms is the hallmark of IFeelMyself.com. Every (straight / bisexual) man should watch some of that.
Kissing and sucking a man’s nipples is a true delight for me. I mean, I really love it. I do chest worship on a man — cupping the chest / pectoral muscle with my hands, massaging the skin, muscle, and nerves, while sucking the nipple — the way men like to suck female breasts. LUV LUV LUV doing that! But the guys I’ve tried it on said it felt weird (in a bad way) to them, or that it didn’t do anything for them. Either they weren’t allowing themselves to enjoy it (too “feminine” perhaps?), or I had really lousy technique (which I doubt, but anything’s possible).
The treatment of the breasts is one of my main oppositions to porn. My ex-husband once (and only once) lifted one of my breasts and dropped it like I know he’d seen in porn. I couldn’t believe he did that!! Or that he thought that would feel good?!! But he’d seen it in porn, and those women “liked” it (because they were directed to react that way and they were paid to pretend to like it, moron!). It hurt incredibly, and I felt it was horribly disrespectful to me and to my body. (Later, he would make a comment about my breasts that cut me to my core — the kind of thing that is just not forgivable and will never be forgotten (it is etched in my soul), and I knew then he had never respected me as a woman or my body as something sacred and special. I was a possession to him. Wish I’d realized that a long time before then…)
And back on the topic of breastfeeding a child — Yes, some women experience a closeness to their child, but not all of us. At least, not when you spend 45 minutes every two hours having small gums cutting your flesh as they try to feed. Some women even orgasm while breastfeeding. So it might be comfortable for other women, but it sure wasn’t for me. I still have the scars. So “rock on!” to the women who enjoy breastfeeding — I didn’t, but that was my personal experience.
As for the light flicking of a tongue across my nipples, yes that can send a “zing” down south, but I love feeling a man’s warm, wet mouth full-on sucking my breasts. This can bring practically instant cervical / Kundalini orgasms. Delicious! And don’t forget — the underside of the female breast (below the nipple-areola complex) is rife with nerve endings just waiting to be stimulated by gentle caresses and nibbling and kisses!
That book, Tantric Orgasm for Women, made so much sense! (Will write a review soon!) As we know, the nipples are wired directly to our lady’s loins, so I truly believe the breasts are the gateway to female orgasm. Breast worship is a lovely beginning to the main event, anyway. Also, Tantra teaches that, in women, the upper lip is also wired directly to the clitoris, so kissing her upper lip, or letting her kiss you all over has lots of side benefits for her and for you. (For men, the lower lip is connected to his genitals.)
And thanks for the info that men’s nipples seem to be wired to the perineum / anal area. Good tip! I have done perineal massage on myself in the past, but didn’t notice much.
In the past few weeks, I’ve noticed a bit more in the perineum, as well as the nerve endings around my anus. Beyond adding a little pressure to the (external) perineum, I’m not sure what else to do. I am beginning to explore the perineal sponge (inside) a bit more — really loving the initial explorations! And with a couple fingers in my vagina playing with my She Spot, my pinky keeps finding its way to my anus. A slippery slope (quite literally!), but I’m not ready to mix the two (vaginal & anal) yet. I will eventually, but sometimes it already seems like so much “work”.
And I really appreciate men being so willing to talk about all this from your male perspective. You give cynical women like me a reason to hope for the male of the species.
And thank you for putting up with my bouncing around on topics. Writing in “stream of consciousness” is my forte`, and I like to share something new when the thought arises… Now, if one of yous guys can tell me why men grab their own ass during sex, I just might be set for a while…
Aroused and zinging,