Arts, Activism, Awakening in Mind, Body, & Spirit

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NEWS: Alabama Finally Legalizes the Sex You Were Probably Already Having


hug from behindThe Alabama Court of Appeals has finally brought the Red State of Alabama into the modern era by throwing out a law that criminalized consensual oral and anal sex between unmarried people.

According to Alabama Code, Section 13A-6-60, “Deviate Sexual Behavior” is defined as, “Any act of sexual gratification between persons not married to each other involving the sex organs of one person and the mouth or anus of another.”

The reason, of course, for making such consensual sex illegal is to target members of the LGBT community, since Alabama and most Red States dwell in the God-fearing, fear-mongering, guilt-swilling Bible Belt.  In fact, other media outlets have claimed this is a victory for “gay sex”.

But hold on, there, sparky!  I guess no one realized that unmarried hetero couples also partake of oral sex and anal sex as alternatives to or in prelude to vaginal penetration …  such as when a hetero couple doesn’t want to get pregnant, or maybe the woman is in those six weeks after giving birth when the vagina is off-limits to the guy’s penis?  Or hey, maybe they just LOVE oral or anal sex?!  Quelle surprise!

With oral sex and anal sex being decriminalized, it means Alabama is one step closer to acknowledging grown, consenting adults’ basic human right to do what they want in bed.

America is coming around, albeit slowly, to the fact that sex between consenting adults is no concern of government or religious busy-bodies.

Pucker up!

trish

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ALA CODE § 13A-6-60 : Alabama Code – Section 13A-6-60: DEFINITIONS – See more at: http://codes.lp.findlaw.com/alcode/13A/6/4/13A-6-60#sthash.aGgHT59p.dpuf
(2) DEVIATE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. Any act of sexual gratification between persons not married to each other involving the sex organs of one person and the mouth or anus of another. – See more at: http://codes.lp.findlaw.com/alcode/13A/6/4/13A-6-60#sthash.aGgHT59p.dpuf
(2) DEVIATE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. Any act of sexual gratification between persons not married to each other involving the sex organs of one person and the mouth or anus of another. – See more at: http://codes.lp.findlaw.com/alcode/13A/6/4/13A-6-60#sthash.aGgHT59p.dpuf
(2) DEVIATE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. Any act of sexual gratification between persons not married to each other involving the sex organs of one person and the mouth or anus of another. – See more at: http://codes.lp.findlaw.com/alcode/13A/6/4/13A-6-60#sthash.aGgHT59p.dpuf

(2) DEVIATE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. Any act of sexual gratification between persons not married to each other involving the sex organs of one person and the mouth or anus of another. – See more at: http://codes.lp.findlaw.com/alcode/13A/6/4/13A-6-60#sthash.aGgHT59p.dpuf

DailyOJ 02-12-13: Sheet Orgasms


nude-woman-redhead-arched-back-in-orgasm-300I’ve found a new way to enjoy my stealth orgasms — the orgasms that are brought on by little or no physical touch.  I wasn’t looking for a new approach to my quieter, yet, oh so fulfilling full-body waves of bliss, and yet I have stumbled upon “sheet orgasms.”

While doing the barest of nipple stim and reveling in delicious nipplegasms, my legs open wide of their own volition.  My hips move in their own dance, and my head is back in breathless euphoria.  With it being colder now, I sleep with my duvet cover on, and I happen to be snuggled under the covers this morning.  I move my hand to my labia, first outer, then inner labia, loving the change in her texture and posture.

My inner labia begin close to my vagina, but as arousal progresses, my inner labia extend upward, outward, as if standing at attention — the frilly edges more taut as they fill with blood in their own erections.  Barely brushing my fingertips across my erect labia, the full-body waves begin, and I feel expansion in my heart chakra.  I’m still amazed that slow, barely-there touch is so fulfilling, and infinitely more tender than hard frigging off.

I’m back on to nipplegasms, having gotten into a pattern of nipplegasms then barely-there gentle-touch clit O’s, and back again.  On the weekends, I do this for hours, not getting out of bed until around 2 p.m. — except on the Saturdays I make a concerted effort to get up by noon to catch the vendors at the farmers’ market.  But this is Fat Tuesday, Mardi Gras, and everything is closed.  I can stay in bed all day.

Back arched and head back, the nipplegasms are on auto-loop at this point.  As my knees part wide, falling open 180-degrees on the bed, the weight of the duvet presses the sheet toward me.  The sheet brushes my erect inner labia, and a jolt of energy surges up my body.  I thought it was a fluke, a wonderful accident, but I try it again, lifting my hips slightly.  Sure enough — ZAP!  There it is again.  I lift my hips the same way, and the full-body waves begin.  My hips circle several times, make figure 8′s in both directions as I learned in belly dancing, circle some more, then lift and lower in a plain ol’ back and forth motion.  I am breathless as the stealth orgasms fill me and energy zings up my legs and arms, with that familiar energy spiral in the ball of my left foot, sending energy outward.  The sheet has just become my new boyfriend.

Trying a few things, I learned that once the sheet is in the correct position under the weight of the duvet but not actually resting on my vulva, manipulating the sheet is not required, and any other touch of my genitals is not recommended.  The barely-there brushing of the sheet across my inner labia is all I need to induce these wonderful, deep feelings that can only be described as orgasmic waves that crash against the shore of my body, sending billions of tiny pinpoints of pleasure up through me and expanding outward.

Sheet orgasms… who knew…

Aroused and pricing 1500 thread-count Egyptian cotton,

trish

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DailyOJ 01-26-13, Part 1: Morning Arousal & Orgasm Diet Regimen


woman-fingering-clit-mons-pubis-editedThis morning, I awoke knowing that I’d been dreaming, with a vague recollection of the dream, who was there, and that it didn’t seem to be a dream I needed to remember.  I started to roll over from my side to my back. As I did, my legs opened up, and I instantly felt the throbbing sensation of arousal, and I knew I was really, really wet.  I’ve had some issues with being wet — or lack thereof — fearing that now that I’m 40, it’s all down hill, and thinking back to my younger days when I was so wet, my ex used to complain I’d get too wet during sex.

Using a couple of fingers to feel what was going on, my outer labia were swollen, hot velvet, and my inner labia were thick and hot and wet, just as they are after a series of delicious orgasms… maybe I orgasmed while sleeping (wouldn’t be the first time)… though I don’t know why I would have — the dream was in no way sexy or sexual.  Smearing the juices all over my clit and labia felt amazing, and I thought, “What did I do?!”

Last night, I had my nipple-gasms and my stealth clit-gasms but nothing penetrative or even too hands-on.  All touch was light, barely brushing-the-skin caresses, gliding my fingers across my skin.  And I drifted off to sleep on a cloud of full-body orgasms that left me feeling light and floating, as opposed to feeling tired the way manually “worked for” orgasms can drain energy.

Then I thought about what I had eaten yesterday.  I thought, “That must be it!” Just going over in my head what I ate and drank, I could see that I had had more Omega 3-rich foods and remembered this same super-wet phenomenon had happened before when I went “over” what the “experts” say should be consumed in one day.

No one really knows what is too much, but someone somewhere decided 2,000 mg was enough.  I need at least 4,000 mg per day.

My food consumption for yesterday was as follows:

  • Breakfast – 1 cup almond milk with 1 tablespoon chia seed (which has 1,250 mg Omega 3), a couple small pieces of turkey sausage cooked in organic coconut oil, and 4 scrambled (cage-free) eggs (250 mg Omega 3 each) cooked in butter.
  • Lunch – vegetarian fare at the Hare Krishna restaurant: 1 cup of an amazing dahl (soup), 2 cabbage pakoras, an oatmeal cookie, and tea (brewed with cinnamon, clove, and something floral).
  • Dinner – sweet potato candied in butter with a dash of sea salt (OMG delicious!), 3 potstickers cooked in grapeseed oil, and sauteed organic Romaine, with my super awesome dipping sauce.
  • Other – I drink about a gallon of water each day, and yes, I had some Diet Coke. While at the computer, I ate some bittersweet Ghiradelli chocolate chips, and throughout the day, I took 4 of my fish oil capsules which have 1,060 mg Omega 3 each.  And of course, I went out walking a few times to get my Vitamin D.

So, all totaled — 1 T chia seed, 4 eggs, and 4 fish oils = 6,490 mg just in Omega 3, and that doesn’t include the Omegas of the grapeseed oil, coconut oil, chocolate, and anything else I had. My food was mostly vegetarian.  The water I drink is tap water, but I always drink it cold over ice — I’m not a hot-beverage person.  (Side note:  I recently realized I have an ice fetish… must be an Irish thing…)

Clearly, Omega 3′s, chocolate, and water are the key to being super wet — for me, anyway.

Feeling how super wet I was, I just played in the juices for a while.  They felt wonderful. I made a mental note not to allow stress to deter me from paying attention to my health anymore.  Some days, I get so annoyed with things I want to pull my hair out, and I forget to take my fish oil or I don’t drink enough water — then I wonder why I’m not as wet as I used to be….  Being 40 doesn’t have to mean being a dried up ol’ prune! My vagina’s hydration level is most definitely related to my hormone levels and my water intake (since vaginal fluid is derived from blood plasma).

Needless to say, I definitely decided to have a morning O session — both hands on and alternately in, and it was spectacular! With the other sessions I’d had this week with the glass toy, my hands were ready for an old fashioned blended-O series of orgasms. It really, truly was amazing.  I was breathless and speechless and in awe.  The lava flow was incredible.

Afterward, I just lay there, exhausted but exhilarated, no crying (but that was perfectly fine), with my hands on my torso, my arms supporting my breasts. I felt this strong throbbing, as if my heart were beating out of my chest.  I looked down to see it was my right breast — she felt as if I had another heart inside the breast herself because I could feel my breast “beating” against my arm.  Weird but cool.  But weird.

That faded, but it was a long while until the after-O’s calmed down.  And I was still so very wet…

I stayed in bed for a while, then heard the crowds setting up for the Mardi Gras parade, so I decided to get up and get my caffeine before the parade stared.  I went about my day, and it was a great day…

Until…

* Read Part 2 *

trish

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DailyOJ 01-23-13, Part 1: Knees Up, Glass Toy Orgasms


Copyright 2013 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
Nude Woman Masturbating Solo Self-Love in ChairBack on my own during the days, I have taken to using my glass toy (which I have not yet named :-) ), along with trying a slightly different position for my legs, and getting some great results — probably helped with my breast massage regimen and breath+sound work I’ve borrowed from Tantra and Kundalini practices.

For my orgasm sessions, I begin with just laying back and relaxing, breathing normally, letting my mind let go of the thoughts that are still buzzing across my conscious self. After 10 or 15 minutes — I don’t time it, I move on when I feel ready and mind-full (of nothing!). I start the relaxation breaths, adding in the occasional “Aum.” This lasts for maybe 15 minutes.

I add in sensual massage. Usually, I’m careful not to touch my nipples or I’ll start having energy orgasms immediately. I’ve found that if I start the massage on my clit, it lessens the sensitivity on my nipples (slightly, and only temporarily), but gentle, barely-there caresses of my clit and labia are simply luscious.

I may move to my nipples (more often than not, yes, I do) for some amazing stealth orgasms, or I’ll lightly brush my fingertips across my left hip which triggers jolts of energy up my leg to my left nipple, hardening her immediately. My right hip is not as quick to react and the energy is more subtle, but my right nipple still hardens into a pucker, reaching up to a point.

Many times recently, I have stayed there — just doing the lightest touch of my skin, my nipples, clit, and the inner and outer labia. Barely brushing my fingers over my clit shaft starts full-body orgasms that have my legs coming up, my back arched, and my head back facing the pillows, and I’m left breathless. I can keep these going for a while. These kinds of orgasms are different than “traditional” or manual orgasms in that these don’t take ANY work :-), and they’re like riding clouds of energy, with energy waves hitting my body like water crashing onto the seashore. I’m energized by the orgasms rather than being worn out after my usual blended orgasms (which rock my world but are exhausting).

Pressing my fingertips into my outer labia, I can feel the thick, corded bands of the PC muscles. Barely grazing my outer labia, they feel like velvet, warm and throbbing. My fingertips barely whisper across my inner labia which are still reaching outward at this point — they will lie open soon. This touch can start labia-gasms, and I can feel the texture of the inside of the inner labia change as the bloodflow to the tissue increases.

I’m still new to the direct, purposeful stimulation of my U-spot, the erectile tissue around the urethral opening. This area is usually stimulated without intention during blended/penetrative orgasms, but I am now focusing on the U-spot to help encourage my journey into female ejaculation.

Bringing my knees up to my torso definitely shortens the vagina, and it makes using the glass dildo easier on my wrist due to its curve. This makes for a wonderful stimulation of my prostate. Since the glass toy is narrower and shorter than my purple silicone friend Sparkles, it also feels more like a directional finger than a “toy” or penis substitute. I can definitely feel the tip and side as it rubs across certain spots (yes, the female prostate has more “spots” than just the G-spot/She Spot). Moving the glass toy back and forth, curving up at the side ensures the side of the prostate are stimulated as well — and this feels delicious.

Stimulation of the prostate, and most areas inside the vagina, are not as “pin-point” as stimulating the clit, but the vagus nerve and auxiliary nerves definitely make up for it by creating a feeling of a bubbling, churning cauldron of arousal energy that is ever-building, ever-growing, expanding outward through me and upward into the torso and heart chakra.

I consciously push out when stimulating the prostate directly — contrary to what “popular” opinion says to do with the stupid Kegel exercises (which actually inhibit vaginal orgasm). I LOVE the feelings that overtake me — like I suddenly have to go to the bathroom, like my insides are about to fall out — because I know my prostate is about to hit her stride and bubble over into full-body orgasms. I push out and remind myself to breathe — sometimes I catch myself and realize I’m holding my breath. There is a fetish of choking for some few-second orgasm that is ridiculous and dangerous. Oxygen FEEDS orgasms — breathe, breathe deeply, breathe fully, taking the breath into my belly and down into my pelvis…  Breathing is essential to life and to orgasms… though saying “life” followed by “orgasms” seems redundant….

The double layers of muscles that line the vagina begin to rock and roll, and I manipulate them to keep them strong — so I don’t lose my skill of giving “vaginal blowjobs” (moving the vaginal walls in such a way as to give the penis the feeling of being sucked very powerfully).

Read * Part 2 *  here.

trish

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Anatomy: Female Ejaculation and Woman’s Ability to Conceive


Female Ejaculation - Prostate Orgasm Up CloseI came across a great site about yoni and all things Tantric for women and emotionally secure men.  The blog is by a Tantrika/Dakini who is the “real deal,” not one of the so-called “urban tantra” bullshit artists.  However, the following comment one man left on her blog shows just how little is still known about women’s anatomy and sexuality in popular culture thanks to women’s sexuality being vilified by misogynist religion and ignored in Western medicine and academia, while superstitions and myths are still rampant.

(Note:  Misspellings are left in.)

i am just curious about one thing if stimulation is done aftifically with fingers on G spot its surely making pleasure for woman but does it keep woman healthy enough to be fertile and gave birth to kids after such an act. my question is can woman still conceive or become pregnant if she is ejaculating with fingers on G spot or it odes affect its reproductive system?

(XXXXXX)

I just posted this response, and so far it hasn’t been approved — fingers crossed, it will be. :-)

Dear (XXXXXX),

You seem to be more concerned with your masculinity and virility than the woman’s pleasure. Your patriarchal, misogynist ego will be pleased to know that the female prostate’s ability to induce full-body/wave orgasms and secrete prostatic fluid has nothing to do with the viability of the woman’s eggs. If you’re concerned about being able to conceive, go get your sperm count checked before assuming any conception problem’s are the woman’s fault.

trish

Seriously.  A woman ejaculating isn’t birth control… If it were, almost every woman between the ages of 15 and 50 would be drenching the sheets — every day, twice a day!  (But please don’t let the GOP Republicans think it’s birth control ’cause they’d just criminalize that, too.)

Guys… female ejaculation is a beautiful thing.  The biggest concern you should have with helping a woman ejaculate is can you drink it all up so her love nectar isn’t wasted.

I’ve covered this all before, but let’s go over the basics of female ejaculation:

  • All women should be capable of ejaculating.  Fear of urinating is what usually stops a woman from ejaculating even if the stimulation techniques are correct.  (Other  issues that can contribute to a woman not ejaculating include being dehydrated or the emotional/psychological issues from past sexual trauma.)
  • Female ejaculate is NOT urine.  It is prostatic fluid and mostly glucose, hence its sweet flavor and labeling by the ancients as the “nectar of the gods.”
  • The amount of fluid released will vary from woman to woman — from a couple tablespoons to a couple cups of fluid, and can vary from release to release, even within the same sexual session.
  • If a woman feels pressured by her partner to ejaculate in the first place — much less burst forth a specific amount, this can activate stress hormones and prevent her from getting wet at all — even though vaginal fluid is a different cocktail than prostate fluid.

Are we clear on this?  Women experiencing mind-boggling pleasure is actually healthy  for the woman physically, emotionally, psychologically, as well as sexually.  Loving the vulva and vagina via yoni massage is one of the most beautiful  ways you can show a woman respect sexually.  And, at the risk of making men paranoid in the other direction, being able to help a woman ejaculate is super  manly!

If your woman already ejaculates on her own, ask her to show you how she does it so you can see what  she does and how  she does it.  Don’t help!!!  (Unless she asks you to.)  Just be there to lap up the delicious juices.

trish

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Anatomy: Male Prostate ~ the Male G-Spot


Male Prostate ~ from Wikipedia commons

Male Prostate ~ from Wikipedia commons

The male prostate is a gland about the size of a walnut located in the male anus.

The prostate creates prostatic fluid that mixes with sperm from the testicles to form ejaculate.  Once aroused, the male prostate has a texture like that of a walnut, similar to how the female prostate takes on a ridged feeling when aroused.  Moving your finger back and forth (i.e., wagging your finger, or like a windshield wiper), you should feel the two lobes of the prostate — the gland is bisected by the urethra running through the middle of the prostate, just as the urethra runs through the middle of the prostate in women.

The prostate can be accessed indirectly, from the outside at the “sweet spot” on the perineum, or directly, inside by using a finger or sex toy in the anus.  Experimenting with your prostate does not make a man gay.  In fact, anal play, prostate massage, and prostate milking can be a very delicious part of a heterosexual couple’s lovemaking, especially in the form of slow sex and sacred sex.

In Tantra, the male prostate is considered the male “Sacred Spot,” just as the “G-spot,” aka the Goddess Spot or Sacred Spot in women is located in the female prostate in the vagina.

Also in Tantra, the male prostate is considered to be the emotional center for a man in regard to his genitals.  More than a few men, who have allowed a partner to do prostate milking on them, claim the prostate orgasm is the strongest, most intense, most emotionally moving orgasm they have ever experienced.

Many men who do prostate massage on a regular basis cannot fathom going back to their old orgasms.  Common testimonials for these men also include the prostate orgasm is a “soulgasm,” and opens their hearts to their partners in ways they could never imagine before.

As with any anal play, safety precautions should always be followed to prevent the transference of fecal bacteria from the anal area to other body areas.

Condoms should be used on any sex toy that is inserted, and fitted latex gloves or finger cots can be used on the fingers to avoid having to wash your hands before fingering yourself elsewhere or fingering/touching your partner, as well as to avoid getting bacteria in a cut on the fingers.

Use lots of lubricant and massage the external anal sphincter completely to warm up and stretch the skin before trying to enter the anus.  Silicone lube seems to work best and last the longest, but it is notoriously difficult to clean up afterward.  Also, silicone lube will degrade the latex of condoms, so use only water-based lubricant or natural, unscented massage oil if using latex condoms.

The prostate can be a delicate gland.  Direct stimulation should be slow and gentle at first to see what kind of pressure you like.  If there is any pain, STOP.  If there is any blood in your ejaculate or urine, see your healthcare professional.

PLEASE LEAVE A REPLY with your questions or detailing YOUR experiences (men and women).

trish

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DailyOJ 11-17-12: Mind Noise & Saturday Morning Blended Orgasms


I went to bed late last night — actually, early this morning.  It was after 2:30 a.m. that I finally stopped replying to tweets, took my shower, and got in bed (and replied to some more tweets).  I allowed myself the late night because this morning would be Saturday, and Saturday mornings are my SASO’s and blended O’s time.

This was the experience the other day, but today I encountered mind noise… and yet another reason to not be attached to the outcome… goal-less.

I was doing my hands-on blended O stimulation, and everything felt wonderful.  I didn’t try thinking about Mr. Dream Man, I just focused on my body — the amazing sensations of the arousal, the shaking of my legs, the zinging energy, the heat raising up, my whole body really coming alive after a full night of rest and a long time of spontaneous O’s, nipple-gasms, and gentle clit-gasms just moments before.  Truly wonderful.

Then I reached a certain point of arousal where I seemed to have slipped into neutral.  I wasn’t progressing toward climax, nor was I regressing to less arousal.  I was… stuck…  in neutral gear…

I had marked the time when I started since I’d noticed hands-on blended O’s had started taking a while to experience, sometimes 30 minutes or longer.  Now being stuck in neutral, trying to avoid conscientious time-noting, ego-driven minutes-counting, I was growing frustrated.  The mind noise began.  Should I just stop?  (Too horrible to contemplate.)  Should I try some fantasy?  (Tried.  Failed.)  How long before I’m just totally ego-driving this process?  (I really want to experience the yummy blended orgasms.)  Does that guy outside really have to use a leaf blower in the middle of the day?  Can’t he just use a push-broom or a rake on those leaves?  Jeez….

Being “stuck” in neutral gave me a unique vantage point to observe my body — the changes through the arousal process, the jolts of energy still zinging up my legs, my glutes clenching, my hips rhythmically raising and lowering on the bed.  And perhaps best of all, I was incredibly wet!  My previous fears that my body was experiencing hormonal changes that were affecting my vaginal fluid production were allayed, thanks in no small part to my resumed regimen of chia seeds, fish oil, dark chocolate, and lots of water.  I was ecstatically happy about the incredible amount of juices covering my vulva and upper thighs.

I must have been stuck in neutral for 10 minutes or longer.  My attention kept being drawn to my left hand, the one working my prostate, feeling my hand sliding around on the vaginal and prostate fluids.  My wonder at the physical process occurring sparked a thought… This extended, consistent stimulation of my clit and prostate is one of the hallmarks of arousal that brings about female ejaculation.  I thought on that another few seconds.  If I kept doing exactly this — this left-hand pressure and thrusting on my prostate, this right hand stim of my clit, my wetness, my clenching — I was bound to finally achieve true female ejaculation!  How awesome would that be?!

The moment I had that thought, I could feel my inner clit squeezing like a vice-grip as its blood-filled erectile tissue expanded inward against my vaginal walls.  I knew that feeling was the first cue of impending multiple orgasms.  Except now, I wasn’t ready to orgasm!  I wanted to feel this ejaculation cruise control!  But I didn’t have any towels, and with the colder weather, I had my duvet on me and didn’t want to soak it.  So I resolved myself to probably not ejaculating in one gush at that time — I was satisfied with the rhythmic release of fluid throughout the session.

When the orgasms began, I was mystified by their intensity and power.  That “neutral” gear had served a purpose!  It did something to my body — whether it was solely physical or a mind-body combo — that laid a foundation for the orgasms that literally rocked my world in that moment… for many moments… My whole body was involved in this process — I crunched forward repeatedly, my knees were up, my hips were rocking up toward my hands.  I kept rolling over to my left side, my legs started kicking.  I was making all sorts of weird moans — some lower pitched, some higher, all wild woman.

After I couldn’t use my hands anymore — my arms flew up over my head — my hips and legs were still going.  Without the need for keeping my hands where they were, I rolled back and forth, my back arched, my nipples brushed back and forth against the sheet spurring the nipple-gasms and more back-arching.  I felt the insane throbbing in my labia, my vagina, perineum, anus, energy zaps up and down my legs, all of it signaling an array of delicious orgasms, both body-centric and energy-induced.

As I lay in bed, still somewhat panting from the orgasms, I noticed a strange sensation in my left hand.  Energy was zinging up my fingers, up my hand, and into my arm.  Usually energy comes up my legs or out my left foot (at the ball of my foot).  This was different.  It felt as if my fingers were plugged into an electrical outlet and electrical energy was shooting up my fingers and up my arm to my neck, scalp, and face.  Then I noticed I felt a similar electricity/energy up my right hand and arm.

All in all, this session from start to the end of the orgasms (that I was able to hand stimulate) was 21 minutes.  Absolutely 21 minutes of incredible bliss — and so worth that neutral gear interlude in the middle.  Like a symphony, the “lull” in the middle just laid the groundwork for the crescendo of the last movement, building up to the fireworks at the end.

I laid there, stunned by the awesome power of the experience.  I can only hope that if I again experience that “lull” of neutral gear, I’ll remember this experience and know even that down-swing of the cycle has a purpose.  I’m not broken, my practice is going fine.  And I’m grateful for this experience to amaze in wonder at my body, the rising levels of orgasms possible, and the necessary ebb and flow of the arousal process.

Aroused and cruisin’,

trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s DailyOJ.
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DailyOJ 11-13-12: Reality vs. Fantasy


The past few weeks, I have had issues with blended O’s — the few times I’ve done them (right hand on my clit, left hand stimulating my prostate), it’s either taken a long time — 30 minutes, or I’ve given up and gone for my purple silicone buddy, Sparkles.

Mainly, I’ve noticed that I’ve become ambivalent about using Sparkles when my spontaneous orgasms keep me happy all day and my stealth nipplegasms, subtle (one-finger barely moving) clitgasms — even labia-gasms! — are so fulfilling orgasmically that I don’t feel the need for penetration (at the time)… (It’s the rest of my waking hours that I’m horny as all get-out and want something that’s wide and hard inside me!)

I have also noticed that when I go for a length of time without doing the blended orgasms (both hands stimulating), it takes longer to bring myself to orgasm when I get back in to it.  It’s as if I have to stay in practice with it the way a pianist has to stay in practice with the piano to keep up his technique, or the training starts to drain out of the muscle memory.  For these body-centric orgasms, it’s not just my fingers and wrists that have to stay limber to bring about orgasm — my entire body has to “train” for orgasms since they are full-body experiences, especially in the abdominal area, my legs, and glutes.

I’ve been adjusting to the integration of the non-explosion clitoral part of my blended orgasm.  It’s just weird to not feel it.  But these new orgasms are amazing.  Instead of feeling that hot explosion at one very centralized point (the head of the clit), the orgasms feel like a huge, powerful wave crashing against the coastline of my genitals, and I am thunderstruck by their intensity.  With Sparkles, the blended O is very similar, yet even more powerful because of the added sensation of being penetrated and having it stimulate my A-Spot and cervix as well.

During the hands-on stim, I love feeling the changes to my prostate.  She is just awesome!  I’ve even discovered a few new  spots within my prostate!  I’m learning their signals, what it means orgasmically when I start to feel them emerging from the rougher texture of my aroused prostate.  One of these spots is toward the left, the other two are toward the sides of the prostate (which is very important to stimulate as well!), along with my already discovered She Spot.

What’s been interesting to me has been my legs.  A few minutes in to each hands-on session, my legs start shaking wildly, uncontrollably.  I feel my glutes clenching and unclenching.  My hips are rocking, reaching up repeatedly in their own rhythm. And here is where the problem begins…

Since I’ve got the physical part of the stimulation down, I’ve been trying to enjoy some fantasy time in my mind during arousal.  Usually, I try to picture my Dream Man being the one to do all this stimulation (which would be much easier on my wrists if he were!).  But I’m so in awe of the changes in, on, through my body that my mind doesn’t want to leave all this awareness of my body’s process to climax.  As soon as I try picturing Mr. Dream Man, I lose some of the arousal (slightly).  For some reason, I’m not interested in thinking of women… so that’s another issue to deal with another day…

I don’t do “fantasy” — as in made-up time, place, setting.  And I know instinctively that it would not work for me, so no, I won’t try.

Between the extended time to orgasm via hands-on stim, not craving penetrative Sparkles sex, and loving my body’s changes more than I lust after my Dream Man, I know I’m at a crossroads.  Don’t know what’s around the corner, but I’m taking a peek and will meet it head-on… and hands on. :-)

Aroused and feeling,

trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s DailyOJ.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


AskTrish: Man With Large Penis Worries About Causing Girlfriend Pain During Sex


Trish – I would like to ask a question in relation to the gentlemen who asked about small penises. I’m a man in my late 20′s and have been sexually active for roughly 10 years.  In those ten years, I have grown to know that I have a rather large penis.  I have lost girlfriends due to the sheer girth and length (8+ inches) as most women find it hard to accommodate me during intercourse. My present girlfriend is smaller in stature and has had a child but we have intercourse roughly once or twice a week due to her not enjoying it most times.  I have tried different positions and a lot of other things and I am just curious as to how you would coach someone to help with this.  I attached a picture just as a reference point.  Thanks!

Sincerely,

N., in Ohio

Dear N.,

Thank you for such a great question!  Whether talking about breasts or penises, our culture is yet again let down by the “bigger is better” brainwashing and phallic fallacies of porn.  The stereotyped preference for a huge penis not only does a disservice to more modest members, but it does not realistically show the physical burden on the woman or the emotional and psychological impact on the man.

The great points I see in your post are 1) you care for your partner beyond just your physical gratification, 2) you seem willing to want to learn some new techniques, and 3) with having sex a couple times per week, you’re doing better than most men!  However, pain during sex can strain the relationship, and while there are techniques you can learn, sometimes a woman feeling pain during sex has nothing to do with you.

Certain positions are better for long penises, while others automatically hurt the woman.  The better positions for a long penis will be missionary, rear entry, and side-behind positions.  Positions that can hurt the woman physically include woman-on-top and even legs-over-the-shoulders, depending on the length of the man.

Girth is an entirely different issue.  For you, N., you better love the vagina because the only way you will be able to have sex that doesn’t hurt your woman is to resolve yourself to LOTS of pre-penetration attention on your woman’s body EVERY time.  And your woman will have homework as well.

Most women want fullness during penetrative sex, but in order to accommodate any penis at all, the vagina must be properly warmed up.  If the vagina and labia are not warmed up, swollen thick with arousal, wet from vaginal fluid or lube, AND the vaginal entrance wide open, then the vagina is not truly ready for sex.

The pre-penetration ritual should ideally begin with her mind, then perhaps evolve to kissing (her mouth), moving southward to copious amounts of breast worship, eventually leading to your fingers stimulating her vulva.  The vagina is comprised of muscles whose job is to stretch for penetration as well as for childbirth.  I’m thinking your issue may not be the inner vagina but the opening and first inch or so.

The opening to the vagina is encircled by the labia as well as the remnants of the hymen.  These hymenal remnants can be like any scar tissue that is less pliable than the rest of the skin.  The hymen also does not have its own source of lubrication so it must be lubricated with vaginal fluid or purchased lube.  Warming up the labia — the lips — outside the vaginal opening is just as important because this skin is attached to the muscles that will need to stretch to accommodate your penis.

Take time to learn techniques that warm up the vulva, or as she’s called in Tantra: “yoni.”  Yoni massage is a time-proven technique in Eastern sexual philosophy but is not as widely known in the West.  The vaginal opening can be warmed up with your mouth, tongue, or fingers in a yoni massage.

Not just oral sex, yoni massage is a hands-on Tantric practice of showing respect and devotion to the entire vulva — the labia, the vagina, the mons pubis — respect to the whole woman.  Using lube or massage oil with your warm hands, slowly massaging your woman’s vulva for half an hour will stretch the skin, the opening, and the inner muscles required for comfortable penetration.  In fact, midwives/doulas will have a woman’s partner do yoni massage on her during labor to prevent a tearing of the vaginal opening.  (*Side note: Oil and condoms don’t mix.*)

Just inside the vaginal opening, the clitoris takes on a life of its own.  Not just the little nub visible from the outside, the clit can be up to 6 inches long inside her body, several inches wide, and has 18 distinct parts.  Forming a horseshoe over and around the vaginal opening, the clitoral bulbs are erectile tissue that swell with blood during arousal and grip whatever is inside the vagina as the woman nears climax.  If the vagina was snug before, at this point, the vagina may be uncomfortably tight.  For the woman, she may resist getting fully aroused or getting near climax to avoid discomfort.  For the man, the squeezing of the penis may be so great he might start to lose his erection.

This is where lube plays an important role in sex.  Even if your woman is young, healthy, active, and gets “wet,” use lots of lubricant anyway.  Friction sex hurts at the best of times.  When there is a size discrepancy between partners, lube may be your life-(and relationship)-saver.  Here’s a link to the lube I use and absolutely love.

Your homework:

  • Spend at least half an hour on her breasts and vulva — this might actually need to last an hour!
  • Use your fingers, not just your tongue, to gently stretch the vagina.  If you can insert 2 fingers, open them in a “V” and massage the interior, moving your fingers open and closed.  If you can’t get 2 fingers in, she’s nowhere near ready for penetration.
  • Use lots of lube.  Lots!
  • Give her a few orgasms with your mouth and/or hands first to make sure she’s ready for your penis.
  • Do slow, sensuous sex once you’re inside, not  hard, fast, thrusting friction sex.
  • Don’t try positions that keep her legs together, i.e., her legs over your shoulders or rear entry with her knees together.
  • Also, positions that bring her knees up to her torso shorten the vagina, which may not work well with a long penis.
  • Look at  the book Yoni Massage as well as the DVD Guide to Fingering: How to Touch a Woman.

The woman’s homework:

  • Do solo yoni massage every day to encourage the tissues to stretch.
  • Take a hot bath or shower before sex to warm the skin and muscles in the groin.
  • Drink lots of water to encourage your natural vaginal fluids (and lay off the caffeine).
  • Exercise your PC muscles by pushing outward, not just tensing up and inward.
  • Push out  on the vaginal muscles as the man enters you.
  • Use your fingers or toys that stretch and relax the vaginal muscles.
  • Trying relaxation techniques such as mediation and/or deep belly breathing to soothe your nerves and warm the pelvic girdle.

So what if you do all this and sex still hurts?  If the painful sex has been going on a while, the woman may have developed a slight phobia now that she associates sex and pain.  This can be helped with lots  of talking, yoni massage prior to sex, and adopting a non-attachment philosophy during your time together.  It is also possible the woman may have a vaginal, uterine, or pelvic condition that is contributing to the pain, and she should see her OBGYN for an exam.

You’ll be pleased to note that the vagina stretches (or shrinks) to fit a regular partner.  So trying the yoni massage and slow sex techniques frequently may help your situation in the long run.

The important thing is that you  do not develop a negative outlook on your body or your partner.  Your heart can’t help whom it falls in love with.  With patience and some effort, your bodies can become as compatible as your affections.

I hope this has helped.  Feel free to let me know if you have more questions, and I look forward to my readers’ replies!

Take care,

trish

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AskTrish: Man with Small Penis Wonders If He Can Fully Satisfy a Woman


Dear trish,

I was born in a Muslim family and had circumcision at an early age, and I think the doctor messed up or something cause I have a really small penis.  The question is — does size actually matter to fully satisfy a woman?  My gal and I have been having sex, enjoying various positions.  She says she is happy and she actually does have an orgasm most times. She also does all she can to pleasure me to the highest during foreplay and even sometimes taking control of the sex.  But, since I’m on the smaller side I want to know does size matter cos my gal hasn’t had any other partners so she doesn’t know the difference.  We are happy together, but this is a matter of curiosity and maybe to help my gal explore something better.

Anonymous, in Mangalore, India

Dear Anonymous,

Penis size is an issue that is debated in the neuroses of men, but not so much for women, in my opinion.  You actually have several issues going on here, but allow me to address circumcision first.

Routine infant male circumcision and any female circumcision is not medically necessary and should be considered sexual assault, especially since the child cannot give informed consent to the procedure.  In males, circumcision can damage the penis head as well as the shaft, not just the foreskin.  So there may be a chance that the length of your penis has been “shortened” due to a botched circumcision that left the skin too tight.  Also, some reports say infant circumcision is responsible for 60% of erectile dysfunction in adult men.  Not to get on my anti-circ soapboax, but there are methods of foreskin restoration that might help loosen the skin of the penis so that your erections might become “fuller.”

You sound young to me, perhaps in your early 20′s, and since your girlfriend has not been with anyone else, I’ll assume she is also in that age range.  The fact that she orgasms at all during penetrative sex means you’re doing something right!  Female orgasm statistics consistently show that 70% of all women have never orgasmed during penetrative sex, with that percentage being lower for women in their 20′s.  The best way to make sure your woman orgasms is to be well-versed in female sexual anatomy.  There’s more to our genitals than just the clit or the G-spot, and so many more kinds of orgasms than just clitoral or vaginal.  (Just as there are more kinds of male orgasm than just penile/ejaculatory.)

Your concern over the size of your penis — when clearly, you’re doing just fine in the bedroom — may be a result of culture and media influence. What porn and media don’t explain is that the average length of the vagina for all women, regardless of height, build, ethnicity, or childbirth, is 3 to 4 inches.  When fully aroused, the vagina can expand in length by 50% and widens at the top, so the maximum length of the vagina is around 6 inches.

As a woman, I can testify that a penis that is too long (9-inches+) can hurt!  So being on the ” short” side (5-inches or less) when fully aroused is not a bad thing.  Remember, the vagina will only be about 6 inches when fully aroused.  You just have to know what positions work best for a smaller penis, such as woman-on-top.  If I had to choose a penis size, I’d go for a fat, thick penis over a long penis any day of the week.  But since penis size isn’t something I consider when choosing a sex partner, I suppose it doesn’t really matter.

Please note, however, that in order for a woman to be truly aroused and ready for sex, she needs at least 20 minutes of “foreplay” so that her own erectile tissues can begin to fill with blood as well.  This 20 to 30 minutes of arousal-play  also allows the woman’s mind to shift from mundane issues to relaxing into a sexual mode.

As for satisfying a woman fully, regardless of penis size, I’m assuming you have fingers, a mouth, a tongue, even a big toe, all of which can be used in the physical side of sexually satisfying a woman.  However, a woman’s most important sexual organ is her mind, that non-physical field that exists in the ether around the physical cranium.  Start with her mind, then engage her body, beginning with her skin, and her breasts (if she likes breast stimulation), and sensual massage.  Allowing the woman to relax into the moment is the most important step to help a woman orgasm.

Since you say she has orgasms “most” of the time, I’m assuming you have an orgasm every  time.  The activist part of me says the sex should not be over unless both  partners have at least one orgasm.  The horny woman part of me wonders why are you even entering her vagina with your penis if you haven’t already eaten her to a few orgasms with your mouth on her genitals?!  Oral sex on the woman is an almost guaranteed orgasm technique — your mouth sucking her clit and labia with a finger or two in the vagina and/or anus drives most women to passionate madness.

***As a shameless plug, I’m in the process of developing my own orgasm training method, so be sure to check back here for updates on when it’s ready.***

Experiment with positions and techniques that you both find interesting and arousing, and just enjoy the discovery of your own bodies and your sexual preferences.  Communication should be the foundation of your relationship anyway.  Keep in mind, that sex is supposed to be enjoyable and fulfilling, not a competition or a race.  Relax, experiment, discover.  If you love the journey, the destination is bound to be wonderful.

trish

* Read more AskTrish: AskTrish Posts *

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DailyOJ 09-10-12: Sick & Tired, Unexpected Emotion, & Energy


As I laid down to start the session, I wondered if I’d be able to do it.  I had come down with something that felt like a cold.  I felt weak and tired.  My nose had alternated between runny and/or stuffy, and I was coughing.  I realized then that this cold must have been starting early last week, when I had the clit debacle.  My body must have, in her wisdom, been redirecting energy to my immune system.  Experiencing orgasm, especially manually stimulated orgasm, takes an inordinate about of energy — chi, prana.  This is why physical orgasms are exhausting while energy-based and spontaneous, Kundalini orgasms recycle and grow energy.

Not knowing what to expect, I made the conscious decision to be in non-attachment.  Being tired (at 1:00 in the afternoon, no less), I wasn’t sure I could do a full session anyway.  I made an agreement with my body to just experience whatever there was to experience, and I would be satisfied and content.

Similar to last session (and most sessions), I started with my nipples.  But there was excruciating pain.  My period is well over a week off, so why such painful sensitivity, I had no idea.  I massaged the underside of my breasts to stim those nerve endings, and gently brushed my fingertips over the nipple tips, and that helped to lessen the pain.  The nipple orgasms took a minute longer to achieve than their usual instant O’s, but I was glad that they were “working”…. and apparently was back in an ego mindset of “keeping tally.”  I re-set my mindset to non-attachment, and my hands headed south.

Doing a simple, small, barely-there caress on my clit, these orgasms took a minute or so to get going as well.  My SASO’s seemed to be on coffee break.  Everything was going to take effort today … just when I’m sick and tired.

As I checked for readiness at my vaginal opening, I was almost bone dry.  I’d been feeling “parched” in my throat and feared I’d be dry vaginally, too.  Sure enough, I was.  Thinking back, my caffeine levels were way too high compared to my water intake.  Caffeine is the death of orgasm because of its vaso-constriction of blood vessels — and both men and women require healthy blood vessels for arousal and physical orgasm.

At this point, I knew I probably wouldn’t do anything with Sparkles.  A little lube is always used with Sparkles, but starting out not wet and relying only on lube for moisture leads to “friction sex” and that is painful.  With my immune system low and my SASO’s on vacation, I knew this would be hands-only today.

I started by creating moisture, continuing nipple O’s and clit O’s.  This brought on enough fluid that I could insert my fingers to love on my prostate. As she grew with arousal and her texture changed from smooth to ridged, I started on my clit with circles.  I did not wet my clit.  In fact, I usually start with dry fingers on either side of my hooded clit.  This allows me to get a hold on the clitoral shaft, stimulating up and down the shaft as well as across the head.  (Note:  Do NOT try this on a woman without her permission.  I know what I’m doing and what I’m feeling.  If using dry touch, definitely let the woman lead.  And pay attention to her reactions!)

I didn’t even pay attention to the time.  I just enjoyed whatever was there to feel and savor.  All of my previous concerns melted away as I got close to orgasm — I could feel my prostate was swollen as were the clitoral vestibules squeezing in like a vice-grip on my fingers.  The blended orgasm was powerful and seemed to keep going and going.  I finally had to stop because I could not manipulate my hands anymore.  I was exhausted.  Then it happened.

I cried.  Emotion had bubbled beneath the surface last time, but this was emotion that I experience only after deep-thrust, A-spot/uterine orgasms.  I felt that same outpouring of happiness, sadness, joy, wishful thinking, and longing that I feel after penetrative orgasms.  I’ve never actually cried after a blended orgasm, but this was a great experience.

I looked over at my toy and thought, “What’s the point?”  I was incredibly satisfied so I didn’t need the penetration — the rapid finger-thrusts on my prostate had taken care of that need.

As I lay back, the after-O’s in my vagina, vulva, abs, and legs were so palpable, I had a spontaneous orgasm or two.  The energy pulsated through me.  I noticed I was having similar muscle spasms in my right bicep.  After a minute or so of very strong muscle contractions in the bicep head, the spasms moved around my arm to the triceps, and eventually faded as the contractions in my vagina, anus, abs, and hips slowed down.

Hours later, at my desk, I felt an energy radiating outward from my vaginal opening area.  If you’ve ever seen a stylized drawing of a sun, with rays beaming outward in all directions from the perimeter of the sun center, that is what this felt like.  This energy kept pulsating outward, a steady rhythm from my vaginal opening center, outward toward my legs.  I don’t know how long this went on, but other energy zaps and zings occurred on the outsides of my legs, scalpgasms that circumferenced my head and tickled my face, and even spasms on the bridge of my nose — didn’t think there was any muscle there — that seemed to last for over an hour.  In fact, they continued when I was back at my desk later, trying to work.

Overall, this was an interesting experience that left me breathless and deeply satisfied physically and emotionally.  The unexpected emotion was as welcome as the after-effects of spasms and energy zings.  I’m excited to see and feel what else happens.

Aroused and non-attached,

trish

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DailyOJ 09-06-12: Same Ol’ Blended O With a Dash of Something New


So… this will be quick… ya know… like sex after you’ve been married a long time.

This session was almost identical to my last session, mainly because the storm energy was still buzzing through the air, and I still felt the effects of that weird buzzy-ness.  Electric.  (I don’t drink alcohol or do drugs, so I know it’s naturally induced.)  Also, my clit was there but still not as enthused as I would have liked.  The hands-on blended O went to orgasm (rather delicious actually), but oddly, I was waiting for my clit to reach orgasm not my prostate.  Usually, the reverse is true.

This blended O felt more vaginal/full-body waves-centric as a result.  The emphasis was on my left hand thrusting in and out of my vagina at rapid speed, rather than my other hand going crazy with clit circles.  Usually during blended orgasms, my left hand actually pauses at the entrance, still “connected” to my prostate, while my right hand circles my clit like a madwoman.  My left hand will then thrust a few times here and there to maintain the orgasms till I can’t do any more.

So this session was very similar with the one addition of a peculiar feeling after the hands-on blended orgasm set.

As soon as the main part of my orgasm(s) had stopped, I laid back on the bed — not crunching forward, not arching back, just laying back catching my breath.  I suddenly felt the want of emotion rising up.  This completely surprised me.  I have never felt emotion (the need or want to cry) except after solo, deep-thrust-triggered A-spot/uterine orgasms.  Not even using a toy to stimulate my prostate for blended O’s brings emotion.  I waited to see if it induced tears, but no, it did not.

After a few minutes as observationist, the emotional feeling faded, or more accurately, was absorbed into my self.  I certainly would have allowed the emotion.  But this was so new, I tried to watch its journey from inside my body, curious to observe why emotion from a blended orgasm, where did the emotion stem from — my core as uterine orgasms do, or from my heart chakra as most of my emotional orgasms do, or somewhere else?

This orgasm session was a completely new experience for me.  Honestly, I was a wee bit disappointed when I did not cry.  But I was so interested in this development, I just laid in bed and let it sink in.

Then, yes, I went for Sparkles… huge, numerous, loud orgasms ensued; cried because they were so awesome, neighbors called the police to complain about the noise, yadda, yadda.

(Just kidding about the police.)

Aroused and rising up,

trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s DailyOJ.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


DailyOJ 09-04-12: Prostate Stealth O’s, Weird Energy, & Storms


I had felt a weird buzzy energy all day — all week, actually.  The hurricane had not really broken up once it hit land as it was supposed to.  Instead, Isaac is heading south, back toward the Gulf.  We really don’t need this thing to re-form as a hurricane.  But the energy in the air is absolutely electric.  And that part, I love.  I feed off storm energy — odd since storms are more associated with water, and I am a Fire spirit.  But lightning is Nature’s fire, so I am acutely aware of the electricity in the air.

I had just re-started my journey August 8th, gotten some great sessions in, and then Hurricane Isaac forced school closures for a week which tied in with the Labor Day holiday.  But, now I’m back to being alone and able to continue this journey… until the next unforeseeable interruption… Grrrr…

With the energy, I truly felt electric.  I couldn’t sit still.  I just wanted to walk outside, play in the rain, the deluge outside, revel in the energy I had been feeding on for a few weeks.  Yet, this constant rain makes me want to sleep.  I sleep so amazingly well when it’s raining outside; the steady rhythm calms me regardless of the thunder.  This Yin-Yang of energy pulling me toward either extreme at any moment felt like a sexual tension that needed to be rubbed.  So I decided to pursue that.

As I began, I had my delicious stealth and spontaneous orgasms (SASO’s).  I’ve needed to start with the nipple stim to “tone down” the sensitivity in my breasts, just so I can do some sensual massage with the KSMO and OM touch.  I did KSMO for about 4 minutes but my voice started to hurt, so I stopped.  I tried some light OM-touch, but that erupted in more SASO’s, so I stopped trying to do anything that was “practice” and just went for some prostate love instead.

My prostate was very receptive to touch, and my vagina was wet from the nipple and OM orgasms.  I did some absentminded massage/caresses on my inner thigh and up my torso, wherever my hand wanted to go — I wasn’t really thinking about it.  I noted the changes in my prostate as arousal deepened.

I also noticed how much I love the feeling of my breasts.  I don’t have anywhere near a “perfect” body, but I honestly love the feel of my body.  I especially love the feeling of my breasts, their shape and satiny smooth skin.  The underside of the breast has a super concentration of nerve endings, nerves that are connected directly to my clit.  The spinning ceiling fan blew drafts of air across my breasts, and the otherwise smooth areolas puckered up like they’d been dipped in ice water as my nipple tips grew dark pink and strained upward.  I noticed I didn’t feel a zing of energy to my clit.  I figured my prostate was overwhelming the nerve switchboard in my brain, so I just enjoyed the exquisite feel of the sensitive skin of my breasts and my puckered tips.

Feeling all lovey-dovey about my body, I figured I might as well do a hands-on blended set of O’s to get started before moving on to Sparkles for the main attraction.  And yet, several minutes in to it, I wasn’t increasing arousal in the clit area.  My prostate was getting very aroused and wet, but I felt almost nothing as I did circles with my clit.  This went on a few minutes more, and I exclaimed (in my head), “What the hell’s wrong with my clit?!!”

That about put me in an observationist panic.  Not only was I not allowing and receiving the arousal process, but for some reason, I had become attached to the outcome.  Non-attachment was on coffee-break while the Yang energy was rearing its competitive head.  I had worked so hard to become more Yin, to release the go-getter aspect of Yang energy.  And I wrote not too long ago that I was worried my sessions were going so swimmingly, they were becoming mechanical.  Well, obviously NOT!

I was more frustrated with myself for “blaming” my clit for not doing whatever I preconceived she was supposed to do than I was upset that my prostate was aroused and my clit wasn’t.  I let off my clit and moved my right hand to my breast.  I was not “going” for a prostate orgasm — those take forever.  In the old days, a G-spot/vaginal-only orgasm would take a minimum of an hour and sometimes up to 90 minutes to achieve.  Exhausting!  I didn’t have that kind of time, and frankly, I wasn’t looking for that much of a cardio endurance workout.

After just a few strokes inside on my prostate and a couple barely-there touches on my nipple tip, I had a SASO/prostate/She Spot orgasm that hit like a Kundalini orgasm with all the full-body waves of a 90 minute prostate pumping marathon.  It was shockingly powerful and utterly delicious!  My back arched uncontrollably, my legs came up as I would expect with a K-orgasm, but this was deeper and even more full — because of the prostate involvement.

I lay there afterward rather speechless and trying to process all the feelings in my body.  It was incredible.  I felt the after-O’s, my hips were still moving, my abs still contracting, my breathing took a while to return to normal.

Then I disappointed myself by reaching for Sparkles.  The disappointment was that I wasn’t going to use Sparkles in a beautiful moment to see what there was to feel.  I knew ahead of time, this was about my clit, and I had to make sure I wasn’t “broken.”  I stopped using vibration to induce orgasm almost two years ago due to numbness in my clit — that took over 6 months  to begin to feel sensation again.  I was terrified something was wrong — that the start, stop, start, stop of my practice was interfering with my progress so dramatically my clit had had enough and wanted no part of it. (NO!!!)

Long story short, Sparkles worked his magick on my prostate while I found a groove with my clit, and the ensuing orgasms were intense and induced the standard emotion.  However mechanical my process and the resulting orgasms and emotion had seemed to become, they are gold standards now, and anything other than amazing orgasmic highs now sends me into a panic that something’s wrong with me… clearly, I have cobwebs in my mental attic that need addressing. Could use a can of Mindfuzz-B-Gone… if it existed.  No, I’ll have to process this the old-fashioned way.  One orgasmic session at a time.

Aroused and regressing (Grrrrrr…),

trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s DailyOJ.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


Chapter 6 of “Confessions of an Aroused Woman” Now Available as .PDF!


Released on Kindle a few months ago, Chapter 6 of Confessions of an Aroused Woman is now available as a .PDF for only $3.00.  Based on personal experiences, Confessions of an Aroused Woman  is a fictionalized series of erotica vignettes that is women-positive, sex-positive, and all-around fun to read.

Reviews on Amazon.com:

Refreshingly, realistically, erotic   May 31, 2012  ~   By B. Lee

Trish Causey’s writing is as informative and exciting as her website. It is fascinating to read her first-person accounts of what an aroused woman feels and does. The scene in which she is showing her man her masturbation, describing in exquisite detail her actions and sensations and thoughts, while he honors her arousal and gradually contributes to it, is intense! The chapter is so descriptive, hot, and wet, that it’s almost an erotic case study, and men-loving women would do well to take notes, with a towel nearby.

An open door…May 31, 2012  ~   By Saloonsinger

I read with relish this chapter of Confessions of an Aroused Woman. Ms. Causey writes with power and emotion. She takes us with her on a journey into being her complete and sexual self, and in so doing opens the door for each of us to recognize the same power within us. I highly recommend her as someone to keep an eye out for in the book world.

One of my Twitter followers wrote on 09-03-12:

 

 

 

 

Purchase Chapter 6 for only $3.00… to tide you over until the entire book is ready for publication!  Be sure to type in your email address, so I can email the .PDF to you.

‘ CONFESSIONS OF AN AROUSED WOMAN’ – CHAPTER 6 ~ $3.00

When you click through to the PayPal side, be sure to type in your email address in the comment area, so I can email you the .PDF. You will receive it within 12 hours of PayPal notifying me of your purchase.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you!  And I really hope you enjoy it.  MUAH!!  xoxo

trish


OpEd: The Face of Orgasm: Is Your Woman Faking Orgasms or Not?


Copyright 2012 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
It’s been said that every woman fakes orgasms at some point.  Well, I’m here to tell you I never did.  Never.  I never had an orgasm during partnered sex, and I sure wasn’t going to fake it.  I made sure the guy knew I wasn’t seeing god, or cosmic rainbows, or magickal unicorns just because his penis was inside me.  He could deal with his ego later.

Recently, I read a particular, highly recommended book on cunnilingus but had a difficult time finishing it.  The anatomic information was mostly good, but the male  writer’s anecdotes about female  orgasm were peppered with sexist, rude, even misogynist remarks I simply could not overlook.  Having admitted that he was bad at sex and suffered with erectile issues, the author made the egregious comment that screamers and women who throw their heads back are “obvious” orgasm fakers.

I wanted to throw the book across the room, but unfortunately, I was at a restaurant.  (Yes, I read sex books while eating…  lunch.)

Women are complex creatures and are, thusly, capable of complex, varied types of orgasms.  It only makes sense that the body and the face would have different corresponding reactions.  Yes, I said body.  Were you only watching her face?

For a traditional clitoral orgasm, the orgasm is localized to the clit/genital area.  The woman’s torso will most likely crunch forward.  The hips/pelvis will tuck or raise up off the bed.  Her face will similarly be “crunched” into a look she wouldn’t really want to make otherwise: furrowed brow, gritting the teeth, even jutting the jaw forward.  (I could go into my theory on why this is but I would have to bore you with vocal science and the pedagogy of phonation.)

A vaginal/She Spot orgasm tends to be a full-body wave type of orgasm that washes over the body but lacks the explosion of the clitoral orgasm.  The woman’s mouth will be open, the jaw down and back, and she may moan differently because of it.  Her head may tilt backward, and she may even arch her back.  Please note the vagina has numerous spots capable of various kinds of pleasure and responses.

A blended orgasm that stems from both clitoral and vaginal/She Spot simulation is one of the most sought after orgasms because of its full-body wave effect coupled with the clit explosion.  This orgasm can induce both crunching forward and wild hip motions, plus arching backward, head back, and delicious moaning.

Other types of orgasms include nipple O’s, cervical O’s, orgasms of the P-spot, the K-spot, the perineal sponge, urethral/urination orgasms, anal O’s, and anywhere else on the body that she is super sensitive to touch.

Of all the physically-based orgasms, the most intense, for me, personally, is the uterine orgasm.  The uterine orgasm is brought on by stimulation of the cervix and A-Spot, coincidentally stimulating the prostate/She Spot at the same time.  This results in a compulsory doubling over and emotional outburst — a true gut-wrenching thrashing usually accompanied by uncontrollable crying.  Not pretty crying either.  So the face of this orgasm is kind of like a nervous breakdown — a bit unnerving for onlookers but soul-shatteringly amazing to experience.

These signs are for physically-based orgasms that most people can do without much effort.  Use plenty of lube, work the spots, communicate — not very difficult.  However, energy-based orgasms cause the body to twist and contort in ways unimaginable.

Kundalini orgasms are known for inducing a sharp, sudden, involuntary  arching of the back, in both women and men.  While some men consider arching the back to be a “woman’s” type of orgasm, I like to think of this phenomenon as a “human being’s” orgasmic response.  For Kundalini orgasms, the mouth may be wide open, deep moans being heard, while the head is bent so far back, you might think the woman is going into a gymnast’s backbend.  All of this is involuntary.  (And pretty frickin’ incredible!)

So what is the face of a woman who is having real orgasms?   Not something she’d want posted in the church’s Sunday bulletin, that’s for sure.  If the woman can, in any way, be considered to look “pretty,” she’s not having a real orgasm.

If she is crunching forward and her face looks as if she is somewhere between “really pissed off” and “warrior queen about to rip your limbs from your body,” then she’s probably having a real orgasm.  If her head is back, her mouth open, and her brow slightly to fully furrowed, that’s a great sign of a real orgasm as well.  When her arms fly up over her head, don’t be offended!  This doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to hold on to you.  Especially if her hands wind up behind her head, this is a great  sign of a deep, powerful orgasm.  (If you’ve read my DailyOJ, you know I can vouch for this effect.)

Her eyes may be open during clitoral orgasms, but for most other types of orgasms, her eyes will probably be closed.  For myself, I’ve noticed my eyes shoot open at the onset of blended orgasms but then immediately close again through the rest of the climax/multiple orgasms.  For Kundalini orgasms, my eyes are closed, head is all the way back, hands fly up over my head, and my body rocks-and-rolls side to side while my knees come up, then my legs kick out over and over again.  (Just sayin’.)

Other indicators of real orgasm are legs shaking and toes/feet curling inward, energy zings down the legs, rapid breathing, and even female ejaculation.

You decide:  Which one is faking and which one is real?

Along with the facial contortions or the gaping jaw and arching back, her skin will become flush due to increased blood flow, her nipples may be so perky they’re reaching for the ceiling, and her hips (hell, most of her body) will be moving involuntarily.  For energy orgasms, she will probably be rockin’-and-rollin’ side to side with extra contractions and rolling through her abdominals, not just crunching forward or arching backward as during physical orgasms.

If she can speak in complete sentences, or is constantly reassuring your ego, she might be faking for your benefit.  If her words are incoherent and grabbing at you is her only primal form of communication, then you might be on the right track — to helping her orgasm.

More importantly, don’t be so visual.  This isn’t porn.  This is a real, live woman.  You need to feel  her reactions.  When a woman is close to orgasm, especially if any clitoral stimulation has been done, the clitoral bulbs that form a “horseshoe” over and around the vaginal opening expand with blood flow, just as the penis expands with blood flow during arousal.  This feels like a vice-grip clamping down on your penis.

(Side note:  My asshole ex-husband used to tell me he didn’t like the vice-grip feeling because it made him start to lose his erection… so that’s probably why I never orgasmed with him.)

Remember, guys.  You cannot “make” a woman orgasm.  Orgasm begins and ends in the woman’s mind — not just her brain.  Stimulate her mind first and the body will follow suit.  In fact, the face and body will tell you everything if your sexual relationship is rooted in honest communication.

What does your face look like in orgasm?  Send me a picture, and I just might post it!

trish


DailyOJ 08-11-12 & 08-12-12: The Times in Between, Full-Body Wave-gasms, & Urination Orgasms


“Nude Sitting Up,” by Chagall, 1908

Waking up Saturday morning, I was in severe pain.  Pain I had not felt in a while.  Sunday morning brought the same, if not worse, pain in my back and neck.  How bad was it, you ask?  Let’s just say that Saturday and Sunday mornings were the first time in over a year  I didn’t start my day by touching my breasts or  my genitals.  Yeah.  That  bad.

So not being alone at home, I did not do KSMO or Sparkles.  With the pain I was feeling, I didn’t think my back could take the sudden back arches of O’s brought on by OM touch or nipple stimulation.  But the weekend was not entirely uneventful.  I had known I would not be doing KSMO over the weekend, so I had allowed for these two days to be “see what happens” days, the days in between KSMO sessions when the new energy patterns that were triggered in the session start to make their appearance — hence the reason Jack recommends not  KSMO-ing on consecutive days.

Throughout the day, both Saturday and Sunday, I felt familiar zings of energy up my legs every now and then while working at my desk.  Because it was localized to my legs, I wouldn’t call it a full deskgasm.  And yet, because I know what these energies are, what they feel like, and I have an idea what they will lead to, I am very excited by their activity even though they seem small.  When first experiencing these energies, it can be difficult to notice them for what they are or to appreciate them for what they actually mean.  This is an encore sojourn through KSMO for me, so I recognize the signals.  I’m not worried or wondering if I’m doing it right or feeling disappointed that they weren’t bigger, bolder, or more obvious.

In the shower Saturday night, doing my nightly finger check, my prostate gave another slight “hello.”  After a few pulses, I checked the fluid, and again, it smelled sweet but was very thick.  I had already made the mental note to drink more water that day, so I was hoping I’d see some improvement by Sunday.  However, I had inadvertently eaten an Asian dish with MSG (monosodium glutamate) and was having swelling in my legs and ankles.  I drank extra water to help flush it out of my system.  Also, I should note, I am making sure to take my fish oil every day as well as chocolate.

Sunday had similar energy swooshes up the leg and a scalpgasm — maybe two.  I even had a full-body wave-gasm — the energy starts in my feet, zooms up my left leg, around my torso, up my back, and curves around my head into a scalpgasm and ends at tickling my face, followed by a full-body shudder, a zing in the genitals, and goosebumps on my arms.  Oh, and this was at my desk, so this  qualifies as a deskgasm (to me).

But what really got my heart racing in a great big “We’re on our way!” thrill was the urination orgasm I had Sunday afternoon.  The prostate wraps around the urethra in the female as it does in the male.  Rubbing the female prostate during sex, a woman can suddenly have that feeling of needing to go to the bathroom.  But if she knows her bladder is empty, she shouldn’t tense up  but rather push out  and get to know and enjoy(!)  those full-body ripples of pleasure that can occur from prostate play.  This same effect can be achieved while urinating — if the prostate is aroused or full of fluid, the rush of urine through the urethra — which stimulates the prostate —  can trigger delicious O’s… or… U’s. :D

Sunday night, in the shower, I let the hot water hit my back for a while to help relax whatever muscles in my back or neck were still so tense.  It was 1:30 a.m.  I should have been in bed hours before since it was a school night, but I just didn’t want to sleep.  My body was tired, but my brain was wide awake.  Standing there, I massaged my hips through my glutes since I’d been having some recurring sciatica pain in recent weeks.  I couldn’t help but brush a finger along the upper part of my butt cleavage, which months before, I had accidentally discovered to be a very sensitive erogenous zone.  Moving my middle finger lower, I hit the K-spot, which is at the tip of the coccyx bone just above the anus.  I got zapped with an energy wave straight up my spine to my scalp.  So, yeah…  I kept doing that for a couple minutes.

On the whole, this is all very encouraging.  Starting back with KSMO on Wednesday, I was very happy with the progress I was already experiencing as of Sunday night.  With the re-awakening of my prostate and my K-spot, the energy flowing again, the deskgasm and full-body-gasm, I am very optimistic in terms of my orgasmic development.  I had a teary moment (furball) that came up Sunday afternoon — another impromptu pity party of my general inadequacy in life, career, and love.  So I’m soul-searching into that.  Again, I think I know what it is.  I’ll write more on that  when I have more information to share.  I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels similarly.

Aroused and zinging,

trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s Daily O.J.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


DailyOJ 08-10-12: Beginnings of Prostate Re-Awakening & Energy Zings


Similarly to the past two days — 08-08-12 and 08-09-12, I laid in bed over an hour, started KSMO when I was ready and that was about it.  I looked at the clock when I started the 20-minute session, didn’t even set my stopwatch to time it. But I only did a few rounds of the breathing and Key Sound, and I knew I was ready to be done, so I stopped.  I looked at the clock.  It was only 4 minutes later.  I didn’t bother with Sparkles.  I wasn’t in the mood … well, I was in the mood, but my back and neck had started hurting the night before.  The pain was beginning to override any would-be pleasurable feelings.  But the breathing and relaxing did start to help with the pain in my back and neck.

Having to learn how to re-incorporate KSMO back into my routine without triggering stealth orgasms  had been the first challenge of the past two days.  The unexpected emotional “furballs” got me thinking in another direction.  But at the time, after the 4 minutes was over, I noticed tingling up my left leg, which I took as a good sign.  I was physically tired and hurting, so I laid there for a while trying to breathe the pain away, but eventually had to get up.

As I got on with my day, I noticed intermittent energy zings up my left leg again.  As well as the occasional scalgasm.  This was very encouraging to me as it meant, yes, the energies were still there — perhaps, dormant — but definitely still there.

In the shower, I did my nightly vagina check, and as I inserted my finger, I felt a jolt.  Not a sharp zap like with the clit, but a deeper, more subtle, expansion of energy, a noticeable triggering of something in my prostate.  I couldn’t help myself.  I pulsed a few times and felt the inklings of prostate re-awakening that I have been craving for months.  I was ecstatic but careful not to do too much.  Doing “more” or “harder” or “faster” won’t make the sensations suddenly appear.  They have a mind and a schedule (and a wisdom) all their own.  It’s annoying at times to realize that my super intelligent, crafty mind can’t make my body hurry up and do  what I want and be  where I want it to be when  I want it to be there… kind of like losing weight… which reminds me… no more brownies….

When I looked at my fingers to check the fluid, it was so thick it was less like fluid and more like a facial cream.  The smell was spot on — sweet — and seeing the copious amount of prostate “fluid” from just a few pulses was definitely encouraging.  But the thickness concerned me.  It meant I was dehydrated.  The prostate and my ultimate goal of gushing waterfalls via female ejaculation will never happen without being properly, if not, slightly over-, hydrated.

This fact alone caused me to look at everything I’m doing in totality.

Life is complete stress right now, for several reasons, which I won’t go in to here.

My schedule changed this week from my natural night-owl schedule to the enforced schedule of getting a kid on a school bus early in the mornings.

This change in schedule also changed my eating habits, sleeping habits, exercise habits — essentially, just about everything I do, plus how and when I do it.

I have also begun lowering my caffeine intake by only drinking 24 oz. of Diet Coke per day.  Last week, I had remembered that when I had my big prostate/cosmic bliss orgasm breakthrough in the Fall, I was completely off Diet Coke and thoroughly hydrated.  My two beverages are water and my vice, Diet Coke.  No alcohol, coffee, or tea.  So anticipating the return of daily sessions, I had dropped my caffeine consumption, which may be triggering detox.  I definitely felt the headaches of withdrawal, but I’m not sure I want to associate my back and neck pain to the caffeine withdrawal… yet…

As I thought on all this later, I think I understand what is happening, but only time will tell if it is what I think it is…

Aroused and being mysterious,

trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s Daily O.J.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


Comment 07-29-12: Being Honest About Opening the Vagina for Sex

Trish Causey's Aroused Woman - icon @ 500 px

While some of my writing is a little out there in topic and content, some of my posts are straight up annoyance and even anger based on personal experiences. When I write these posts, I never know if someone out there can actually relate — am I the only woman who’s ever experienced __________________  –  am I the only who who’s ever felt ________________ ?

I love when people leave comments here on the blog, so I know what my readers are thinking.  But I also love getting messages on Twitter from readers, especially people who can attest that what I’m saying is real — and maybe not so crazy as it feels sometimes.

Below is a comment from a reader who tweeted me after she read, “DailyOJ 07-29-2-12: Opening the Vagina for Sex.”

See?!  I’m not the only one! … who gets mad at the pizza delivery guy… :)

trish

 


DailyOJ 08-08-12, Part 2: Back on the Path


* Read Part 1 here. *

I originally bought the KSMO seminar back in 2006. Life was too stressful, and I never actually did the practice. Fast forward to August 2011, my life was calmer, happier in many aspects, and I was ready to see what all this multiple orgasm thing was all about.  Coming out of a miserable marriage, I was anticipating having sex again… hopefully… at some point… in the future… before I die…. Having never orgasmed during sex, I wanted to teach my body to be multi -orgasmic so I could maybe have one orgasm during sex… at least… hopefully… before I die….

In my KSMO 20-minute sessions, I would caress my breasts for 10 minutes, then my clit for about 5 minutes, then do 5 minutes simultaneous stim of my clit and my prostate. Touching the genitals is not required for KSMO, and in fact, Jack, KSMO’s discoverer, actually recommends not  touching the genitals — to caress other  parts of the body.  But I don’t like doing what I’m told.  Quelle surprise,  I know.

I also never liked the actual timing of the 20 minutes.  Even getting started, I would procrastinate, just enjoying laying in bed and associating the timer with yet another alarm — my life is mostly alarms going off for one thing or another at all times of the day and night, every day of the week.  Scheduling in KSMO had begun to feel like another scheduled chore rather than an opportunity for training my bliss genes.  And yet, if I had not scheduled KSMO, then I would not have done it — by experience, I knew I had to schedule the sessions or they wouldn’t get done.

During the actual 20-minute session, I would inevitably look at my phone’s stopwatch with disdain, thinking, “Jeez, is it 20 minutes yet?  Can I just get on to the jerking off part?”  (Another thing Jack doesn’t recommend — KSMO and sex on the same day.  I rarely obeyed that rule either.)

Resuming KSMO after more than two months off made me a little nervous.  I wasn’t sure what to expect.  I had taken a two-month break in the Spring and was almost sorry I did because of my prostate’s subsequent dwindling super-powers.  But I want to get back into it — to start on the next climb to the next peak of whatever the next threshold might be.  (No, seriously, I’m in non-attachment, I swear!)

I laid in bed for about an hour, enjoying the calm, the CD playing softly in the background, just having some peace to myself.  I knew I was going to do KSMO, but I felt no rush, no schedule to do it.  I couldn’t help having some stealth O’s — after all, they’re now synonymous with my sexual identity.  I can’t prevent the spontaneous O’s anyway.  (Like I would try?! )  But I did not overtly go  for orgasms.  I caressed my body and just happened to enjoy some spontaneous O’s as well.  With several rounds of those out of the way, I figured I was ready for KSMO.  I felt no rush, and surprisingly, no “need” to do KSMO.  I started the KSMO session when I wanted  to start it.  This is a huge leap in my mindset from where I had been just a few months ago!  So I figured I’d do what I had done last Fall since that had worked so well.  And so I began…

First Mistake ~ I brought by hands up to my breasts and as soon as my fingertips touched my pert nipples, I suddenly had 3 concurrent back-arching, knee-raising nipple orgasms.  Damn….  This was how I always started out my sessions, to warm up my clit indirectly and get the energy flowing.  This wasn’t going to work.  On to Plan B.

Second Mistake ~ Plan B.  I reached down between my legs where I brushed my fingertips lightly along the fringe of my inner labia, and a rush of heat washed up my body.  I touched my fingertip to my clit in Om-touch style, and  BAM!  More full-body orgasms, with breathless gasps, torso twisting and thrashing, and hips off the bed.  This really sucked.

How am I supposed to do my KSMO sessions now without being able to touch my favorite spots?

I decided to try what Jack actually recommends, which really annoyed me because I don’t like doing what I’m told to do.  I started a gentle touch to the inside of my left thigh and felt tingles throughout the left side of my body.  I remembered this from before.

Without being able to touch my breasts, my torso felt neglected.  My body actually yearned for touch there.  I used my hands to caress up and down the center of my torso, from my sternum — where I could feel the vibrations of the Key Sound in my chest — down to my mons pubis.  I had never tried this before, and it felt weird to feel the softness of my breasts contrasted with the hardness of my nipples against the insides of my arms.  My arms really liked it.

During the 20 minutes, my mind wandered occasionally, and that was okay.  I was never really far from being fully mindful of my body.  I mean, if I had know the insides of my arms would get turned on by feeling my nipples, I’d have done that 25 years ago!  So I acknowledged the new information, filed it in my head, and moved on.

What I really noticed — and really made me happy — was the lack of negative emotion associated with my mind wandering or my body responding differently that she used to or differently than I expected.  There was no expectation or reward to look forward to.  The experience simply was what it was, and that was all it needed to be.  This is a huge leap for me!  To be more Yin, just accepting of the experiences as they happen, not processing them immediately, just experiencing them — experiencing them without the mind fuzz of guilt, regret, disappointment, or schedule-envy.  Whatever happened was okay.  I listened to my body and let her  lead.  I paid attention to my body so she  could teach me what she  wanted, what she  needed, explore what she  was now able to do, feel where she  wants to go next.

At the end of the 20-minutes, I was relaxed and fully sated in the experience of self-exploration, mindfulness, and non-attachment.  I did not feel the emotion of being “glad” it was over.  Quite simply, the session was complete, and I was moving on to the next phase.  So, then the rest is pretty mundane….

Fucked Sparkles, had boisterously loud orgasms, cried, blah, blah, blah…

Aroused and back on the path,

trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s Daily O.J.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


DailyOJ 07-09-12: Allowing and Receiving


As I lay in bed this morning, trying to delay getting up and starting my day, I allowed my self some of my now customary stealth orgasms. These then led to spontaneous O’s, i.e., the just-thinking-of-O’s orgasms and the where-did-that-come-from-’cause-I-wasn’t-doing-anything orgasms. These “integrated,” stealth orgasms are not explosive or exciting in the usual sense — I’m sure if someone were to look on, he or she would be very bored. But somehow, they are fulfilling to me.

I waited too late to start actual genital stimulation for a blended orgasm because just a few minutes into it, I heard sounds from beyond my bedroom door signaling the child was awake. I sighed in frustration. I was not so far into the process that I would have that nagging, swollen, pulsating vulva and tingly/ itchy feeling all over from not finishing. But apparently I’d done enough in that short amount of time that as soon as I withdrew my fingers from my slick inner depths, I could feel contractions in my vagina, my PC muscles, my anus, in my legs, my abdominals, and fluttering in my ribcage. Great. My body was having the after-orgasm echo effects, but I didn’t get to savor the blended O — or any genital O — itself.

Strangely, I didn’t feel sexual frustration. I guess the numerous stealth O’s from the nipple and clit stim had been enough — or had heated up my parasympathetic nervous system enough — that my body was satisfied even though “I” wasn’t.

I listened intently and heard the child go back to her room. I thought about resuming but decided to enjoy the after-shocks instead. I closed my eyes and sent my focus to various areas, enjoying the internal swelling of aroused vaginal walls, the natural undulation of my hips, and the overall sensation of fulfillment that is similar in feeling to standing on the beach and feeling the wind washing over my face and body — as if the cosmos has given me a gentle hug and in its wake is an enveloping energy that is infinitely soothing. That is what the stealth orgasms feel like — they go through me, over me, under and around me, and I feel completely light as air and satisfied in a deeper sense than I’ve ever known.

“Allowing” is often seen as “giving up” or “giving in,” so chasing results often becomes a requisite for existence in daily life and business. Being “in the moment” to enjoy what you’re feeling now, in this moment, not the next, not later, not comparing to last time, but now is to be in true harmony with your body and in true bliss.

Orgasm is not a goal to be won or achieved, it is a moment to be experienced and savored just like every other moment.

“Orgasm” literally means “to swell,” but common thinking has led us to believe that orgasm is the end of a sexual experience. It isn’t. Orgasm is actually the beginning of the sexual experience, or the process of getting to that precipice of “la petite mort” explosion. And if we focus on the end of the experience then we are missing out on all the other, smaller but just as beautiful and important experiences along the way: the arousal process, the true orgasms, the more subtle, true orgasmic process of excitement as it swells in each moment.

Rather than actively going forward, reaching for some pre-determined end or idea of “climax,” allow your self to receive the moment. Receive the orgasm that is happening right now. Feel it wash over you… Be grateful… Now feel this moment… Allow… Receive… Be amazed… Be grateful… Now feel this moment……

Orgasm is not the end. Orgasm is the process itself, a process that doesn’t necessarily need an ending.

Aroused and allowing,

trish

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DailyOJ 05-26-12, Part 1: Spontaneous Full-Body Kundalini Orgasms


So to fill in… As I wrote in the DailyOJ for 05-21-12, that was a KSMO day, and it was grande!  Today was also my only session this week (or since!).  My schedule has been totally weird, as you’ll soon read.

After a 2 month break from KSMO, I had returned to the 20-minute protocol about twice per week, trying to get in as many practices and my usual loud solo sex sessions as I could before I was no longer home by myself during the days.  (School would soon be out for summer, but with my daughter on a week-long trip, I had the house to myself 24/7!!)

Since beginning with stealth clit explorations, I have incorporated this soft clit touch into my regular practice…  To splendiferous effect!

So back to this week’s experiences…

Today, I began the 20-minute session.  A few sounds into it, I decided to use the soft clit touch for my caress — thinking it’s such a small, barely there touch, it’s okay because it’s not “stimulating” in the usual sense. Man, was I wrong!  After 2 soft flicks of my clit, I full body orgasmed during my session.  I didn’t mean to, honest!  Having an orgasm during the practice is not the intent of re-wiring.  (Orgasms are for actual solo/partner sex.)  These soft and slow methods seem to re-wire the body on a much deeper level than the superficial jerking/frigging off the genitals way most people learn to masturbate (and then bring into their partnered sex life).

But without warning or intention, I did orgasm.  I had a full-body O right then at the beginning of the session, all head-thrown-back, spine-arched, toes-curled, Kundalini style.  I finished the session (had about 18 minutes left), and then did my solo thang.  (Which was amazing.)

Since then — all week, I have experienced spontaneous O’s at all times of the day, evening, night.  I can think, “That was a great orgasm earlier,” and BOOM!  A full-body orgasm hits.  And often, I don’t even have to think that — it just happens.

The slightest brush of my nipples — I mean, not really touching, the barest of bare caresses with the tips of my fingertips — and I’m in kundalini O’s…. okay… I’m higher griping… but thank the gods I work from home.  These deskgasms are too good to pass up.

My body is so re-wired now that she is hyper-sensitive to even the air going across from the ceiling fan.  Orgasms spontaneously erupt.  I even started having these full-body O’s from the fan’s air current across my breasts.  I have been staying in bed till 1 and 2 in the afternoon enjoying this.  And I can keep it going for hours.  The feelings are indescribable.  (But I’ll try.)

The orgasms are like a rush of an energy wave through my body — not exactly starting in my feet or my genitals, it happens so fast and is so thorough, I practically feel it everywhere at once, but the waves keep hitting and expanding outward in all directions.  My lower abs have been going crazy during these orgasms — though my only ab work is during sex. :)  The puckering in my areolas is so strong, my nipples feel like they’re pulling my body up off the bed.  My body is contorted in all directions — no,this doesn’t hurt. :)  Feels incredible, actually.

As I’ve explained in other blog post(s), it’s not the same as orgasms that are hands-on the genitals — these are different, but oh, so powerful!  And talk about “less” stimulation needed — try practically NONE!  I am SO glad I threw my vibrator in the dumpster.  I would have never experienced any of this while my body was deadened to the media/porn culture’s lies about needing vibration for “better,” “stronger” orgasms.  Bullshit!  (I encourage every woman to put the vibe down, and go off the battery band wagon!)

What’s “disturbed” me in yet another “higher gripe” way is that when I enter my vagina to stimulate my prostate — which has all the bells and whistles of arousal going, I don’t stay there.  WHAT?!  I know!  ME?!  NOT playing in Prostate Town?

I’ve been going back to the 1 or 2 barely there clit strokes or letting the air on my breasts, and the O’s hit.  However many I want in succession.  And I feel satisfied.  I don’t need to go for an all-hands-on-deck sporting event.  (Though, those ARE fun!)  Feeling “satisfied” is not a feeling I have much experience with sexually or in life — I have always had yearnings of bigger, better things.  Feeling “satisfaction” is new and yet profound of many levels.

In talking with Jack, I asked him “Okay, so, what do I do now?”

Essentially, he said I was now an “Adept.”  (No, the title does not come with a gold watch.)  But I am now completely free to explore the energy and sensations as I choose — which is good because I kind of always did what I wanted to anyway.  I know — what a shock.

I was concerned because these O’s I’m having don’t have the hot/explosion that others describe — the Big Bang I experience happens very suddenly and very strong and is “blunt” not “sharp” as I associate the other Adepts’ big orgasms.  Mine are powerful, but it feels like I own the power.  Even as I am learning about my body’s orgasmic capabilities and even though I’m in the non-attachment mindset, I am in control.  It’s not like I’m at its mercy.  Which I think was my fear last Fall when my prostate awakened, and it was SO very powerful it kind of freaked me out.  Being totally willing to die in orgasm kinda resets your priorities — especially as a parent.

Jack suggested I just breathe and in-joy.  (He likes to re-interpret words we use every day so we see them in a new light… It’s pretty cool, actually.)  He also mentioned that I might allow more of the inner quiet to resonate — to see what I can learn from it.  I am so much better now about not letting the mind noise interfere.  I can tell it is making a difference to let my body lead the experience — like when I kept stopping stimulation during a solo session, and I have no idea why, but the results were astounding, so I’ve kept that bit in my “routine.”

* Read Part 2 here. *

Aroused and spontaneously combusting,

trish

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‘Confessions of an Aroused Woman ~ Chapter 6′ Is on Amazon’s Kindle!


Click to go to Amazon.

I am so excited to announce that my first foray into writing erotica is now available via Amazon’s Kindle!

I have published an excerpt, Confessions of an Aroused Woman – Chapter 6, from my upcoming book of erotica.  Confessions of an Aroused Woman is comprised of experiences based on my personal journal into being a fully orgasmic woman. For those of you who have known me a while or followed my blog posts, you’ll know that this is a new-ish area for me (thanks to religious oppression and a bad marriage).  But I’m SO glad to be here! :)

This excerpt, Chapter 6, is only available on Kindle for right now, and it is free for Amazon Prime Members.  So Prime Members, feel free to “check it out” of the Kindle library.

I hope to have the audiobook of Chapter 6 available by the end of June.  So stay tuned for more info on that!

I’m actually very excited!  All of my writing has to do with human rights of one kind or another — especially women’s rights and women’s right to equality in being sexual (which is natural and normal!!!).  But all my previous writing has been for the stage as a musical, opera, or play.  This is my first time being “published.”

And it’s a bit of an experiment with Amazon, so please let me know how it works.  And PLEASE leave a review Confessions of an Aroused Woman – Chapter 6 — but only if you LIKE it.  :D

YAY!!!

trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s Daily OJ.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


DailyOJ 05-20-12: Stealth Clit & Nipple Orgasms


In getting ready for bed, I knew that I was too tired to do much but was still feeling a bit of a buzz from my heartgasm and O’s on Friday.  I did some barely-there stealth fingering with my fingertip — maybe 4 or 5, and I orgasmed a full-body, kundalini orgasm.  I kept caressing my clit very lightly and kept orgasming.

I was shocked (!!!) when the orgasm hit so soon.  It was kind of like… “Okay, now what?”…. Well, I didn’t have to wait.

Now that I was in that energy, the O’s kept coming with little stim needed on my nipples alone.  I had not done much with my breasts since experiencing painful nipple sensitivity for a couple weeks.  Thankfully, that had passed.

I did a few more orgasms via the barely-there, stealth clit stim and felt amazing.  These O’s aren’t explosive heat like the usual clit O’s, and I don’t experience any noticeable explosions in my head like true kundalini orgasms.  But what I feel throughout my body is a sudden wave of whoosh!, a full-on release of energy in all directions simultaneously, but I also notice the energy racing up my arching spine, and even into my throat area.  It’s as if the energy expands through me — a Big Bang rush, rather than “runs” out, the way other orgasms can taper off.

It is nothing short of incredible, and it’s happening more frequently…. All in all, loverly.

Aroused and O-ing,

trish

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DailyOJ 05-18-12, Part 2: Double-Dipping, Echoes, & Out-of-Body Heartgasms


* Read Part 1 here. *

So my body was buzzing from the early morning’s activities, and I did my duties for work (theatre writing) and continued plotting my domination of the world via Musical Theatre.  My 12:30 p.m. alarm announced it was time for KSMO practice, and after a few snoozes o’ the alarm, off I went to hit the shower before hitting the bed to enjoy my second helping of orgasmic bliss.

I did my 20-minue KSMO practice, trying to do the single caressing (epic fail, I like constant caressing — go figure!), and still trying to get the vocalization just right.  While having sex (solo or partnered) is not recommended on KSMO practice days, I was just horny.  And the morning’s session had left me wanting the vaginal O part of a blended orgasm.

To stimulate my prostate, I started with the glass wand.  I have had some amazing developments with the prostate stimulation.  Though the clit is known for producing sudden, heated, fireworks, the She Spot (G-Spot) is known to be a slow-burner of arousal — deceptively slow, incredibly deep, full, filling arousal.  For me, the vaginal stimulation now brings this full-body, core arousal much more quickly than it used to.  (So ladies, if you’ve never done prostate stimulation because you’ve heard it takes a long time to get aroused, give it a try on a regular basis.  Your body will probably “calibrate” to this stimulation and start getting aroused more quickly with steady practice!)

Some of the 18 distinct parts of the Clitoris.

With my prostate warmed up, I started the simultaneous clit stim.  Since starting KSMO, I can use a lot less stimulation on my clit.  I may start off with circles, but I usually end up doing long strokes from just above the clitoral hood down to the outer labia.  Nowadays, I’ll often start with some OM clit fingering, and that really gets those clitoral nerves humming. And frankly, my clit was sore from this morning.

I switched to my penisy vibrator (sans vibration) so I could rock out my A-Spot.  Because I’m already extremely aroused, the fullness of the vibrator hits all the “spots” and “zones” in the vagina. And I shudder, a full-body shudder.  (Actually, I think it’s an orgasm, a full-body O as the vibe goes in, but  that’s just my perception of it.)

Public service announcement: Guys, THIS is why you should spend 15 to 30 minutes on “foreplay”!  Once aroused, there isn’t a spot in the vagina that isn’t ready to orgasm with a little extra love.  Doing this will help bring up the horrible statistics that about 70% of women NEVER orgasm during penetrative sex!!!

During the journey to orgasm, I noticed I kept stopping all stimulation.  I have no idea why.  I didn’t plan on this or consciously decide to stop.  It just sort of happened.  My body seemed to know what it wanted and how it wanted it.  I would stop both hands momentarily just to feel the effects of the stimulation.  For some reason, I kept doing this — both hands stimulating, pausing to feel, stimulating  pausing, feeling… over and over and over.  Each time, I moaned,a little higher pitched than usual — I even had the observationist critique of “Gee, I sound cheezy!”  But I didn’t care.  This letting the body take over was new for me, and it was delicious!  Each time while pausing, I could feel sensations bubbling up and expanding not into orgasm (at the moment) but brewing something bigger, thicker, deeper.

The orgasms were incredible, and I had the thought at that moment, that I would hate to see what I looked like during this frantic madness.  No orgies for me!  :P

Normally, the post-orgasm emotion begins 5 to 10 seconds after the orgasms, and even then, the emotion/tears begin softly, quickly building in intensity to full-out crying, then fading. Usually afterward, I wind up laughing at myself because I feel kind of ridiculous over the whole thing.  (Jung might say I’m in ego, but after letting loose, moaning, howling, and crying, I think getting back in ego might be a good thing so I can get on with my day!)

Today, the emotion hit instantly.  In fact, I was barely through the last orgasm when the crying erupted from me, forcibly bringing up emotions from my core.  I know uterine orgasms are emotional, but this was raw and primal.  I felt emotionally pummeled.  I have no idea where it came from.  I can only surmise that the catharsis of writing my breasts article and the subsequent good response touched me or knocked loose something that needed to be — could only be — released through deep, full-body, full-emotion, body/spirit integrated orgasm.

Now, I usually am so relaxed or so exhausted by this point that I doze off into a light sleep.  I’ll doze about 15 minutes, roll over, and doze another 15 minutes.  I’ll then lay there to feel what’s going on in my body — usually, echoes are still going on.  For me, I define echoes as the after-orgasms — possibly a series of orgasms in their own right — that are contractions of the genitals and lower core: vagina, anus, cervix dipping down, clit throbbing, blood pulsating through the inner and outer labia, even my lower abdominals, and definitely my glutes still clenching, etc.  I’ve noticed my hips will continue to rock well after the orgasm spectacular is over.  These echoes/contractions go on for a half hour to an hour.

Today, I fell asleep almost immediately.  I think I was emotionally as well as physically exhausted from the session.  Not to mention the 90-minute session I’d had earlier that morning.  (And people wonder why I won’t work out at a gym?!)  But this was no light snooze.  This was a hard sleep.  In fact, I slept for over an hour.  When I woke up, I looked at the clock and would have jumped out of bed if I’d had the energy.  Which was another strange feeling — normally I feel energized and buzzy at this point.  But not today.  I was tired.  And I had a weird feeling in my chest wall.

I first experienced heartgasms last Fall.  Sometimes, people feel heartgasms as sudden happiness that makes them clutch their hands to their heart, or they feel as if an orgasm has just happened IN the heart area.  My heartgasms were/are similar.  Mostly, I feel a sudden buzzing in my chest wall/rib cage, as if my inner/astral me is trying to burst out of my physical body and go back to the spirit plane.  (If you’re not into astral stuff and don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ll have to explain this in another post.)

What I felt today was a strong tug-of-war between my body and my inner/astral me that was trying to escape, to return to the spirit plane, or at least the Land of Orgasm.  If I were a 60 year-old man, a smoker, or ate fried foods, I might think I was having a heart attack.  Glad it was just an orgasm! :P

This tug-of-war happening at my chest wall/rib cage went on for hours.  It was less intense once I had to go back to pretending I’d worked all day long and did other responsible stuff.  :D  But the sensations were still there.  And in my genitals, I stil had the feeling of the bubbling up, expanding, full, hot, pulsating, buzz, and echoes.

I don’t like this in-between feeling.  I want to definitely be somewhere — definitely here or definitely there.  Though I guess if I’m definitely there, I’d be dead.  Another insight into why the French term for orgasm is “la petite mort” — the little death.  And maybe why we keep returning to arousal and orgasm to experience the Other Side if only briefly.

C’est la vie.

Aroused and somewhere,

trish

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