I was wondering, what is it supposed to feel like when somebody touches your clit? I have heard it’s supposed to bring a good feeling but not in my case. When my boyfriend touches my clit, I get a really intense kinda uncomfortable feeling. It doesn’t feel bad or hurt but it definitely doesn’t feel good either. And it’s not something I look forward to. My bf always wants to touch it but even if I let him, I stop him after a couple secs cuz it feels intense and uncomfortable. Is this normal?
So much to address here!
Let me assure you that pain or discomfort is never “normal” for any kind of sex ever. No kind of sex (vaginal or anal) or touch or penetration should EVER be painful. EVER. (Okay, that wasn’t exactly your question, but I just want to reiterate that for the readers.) What is “normal” touch sensation for you will be different for someone else, so my “normal” will be different from yours. My “normal” now that I’m extremely in touch with my body will be very different from the “normal” that is “normal” for a female just starting to explore her body. So without knowing your age (18+), your sexual experience, any previous trauma, how you touch yourself, and how he specifically touches you, there’s no way I can guess what would be “normal” for you. But I can say that not-quite-pain, not-quite-pleasure feeling is common at first. So let’s look at this bit by bit.
The external clitoris is literally the tip of the iceberg! Most of the clitoris is inside the body, with several inches of innervated erectile tissue that expands and zings with sensation during arousal. Those inches of erectile tissue that men have hanging outside their body, a.k.a. the penis, is synonymous with the inches of erectile tissue women have; ours is just inside us.
The tip of the clit, that little nub we can see, is technically called the glans, just like the tip of the penis is called the glans. The tip of the clit is usually protected by the clitoral hood, which is synonymous with the penile foreskin. With around 8,000 nerve endings, the clitoral glans is VERY sensitive to touch. In fact, if you can see the tip, the clit is actually in the non-erect state; but that doesn’t mean she’s not enjoying herself — she probably is! Nearing climax, the clit will seem to “disappear” into the fleshy folds of the vulva; but she’s not retreating from touch, she’s actually getting a full erection on! This is usually when “vigorous” touch can be exquisite.
The clitoral body can be stimulated externally by (gently) pressing on the mons pubis area or internally via various fingering and stroking techniques inside the vagina. (Reminder: the female prostate is on the anterior wall of the vagina and is a different anatomical structure.) When a woman is nearing climax, there is often a “vice grip” clench at the opening of the vagina; these are the clitoris’ vestibular bulbs near the entrance. The clit is actually quite extensive and complex, comprised of 18 distinct parts. Your clit is MUCH MORE than just the nub on the outside!
But let’s remember, those are 8,000 plugged-in nerve endings. Touching them before they are ready to receive pleasure input can feel awkward or even painful. Since you sound like a young adult, I’m going to assume your boyfriend is the overly eager type who just wants to start pawing at your body (perhaps because that’s what he’s seen in porn, or he may be new to all this as well). This is NEVER okay. The man NEVER touches you anywhere unless YOU are ready to be touched. You’ll know when your clit is begging to be touched, and if he doesn’t touch you properly or is clumsy, you have the right to tell him how to touch you. It sounds like you are willing to stand up for yourself, and that is great! You have complete autonomy over your body.
Here’s were I have to interject yet another consequence of circumcision. If your man is circumcised, he may be accustomed to needing “rough” stimulation due to keratinization (callousing of skin) on his penis glans. If your man is not circumcised, explain to him that touching your clit with little or no prior arousal is like someone yanking his foreskin back and going straight for the underside of his penis glans. This can be very uncomfortable for the intact man! No one likes too much sensation too soon, which is what it sounds like you’re experiencing from your boyfriend.
Keep in mind, there is a reason the female needs to be fully aroused before going for the clit or the vagina. From a Tantra perspective, the woman and the man have positive and negative poles, like on a magnet. For the woman, the positive pole is the heart chakra, home to her heart and her breasts, with the negative pole being the genitals. For the man, the positive pole is his root/sex chakra, home to his penis and testicles, with the negative pole being his heart chakra. Biologically, the woman needs 15 to 30 minutes of dedicated arousal, or as I like to call it — puja (worship ) to prepare the vagina for sex. The same way a singer has to warm up before performing, think of this time as necessary preparation — fun, delicious preparation for continued, evolving, expanding, rapturous ecstasy. Therefore, this time allows the woman’s body, especially the genitals, to become ready to receive touch and penetration and pleasure. It’s no coincidence that focus on the woman’s heart chakra would be key. Not only does it stimulate the woman emotionally, but a woman’s nipples are wired directly to her clit. Breast puja = a turned on, horny clit. Any man who doesn’t want to commit 15 minutes of breast/sensual touch puja isn’t worth your time.
This 15 minute warm-up doesn’t have to be solely focused on the breasts. Any sensual touch and massage will awaken the subtle body. This includes kissing, nibbling, caressing, talking, laughing. Once the woman is ready for more direct touch, the woman can allow the man to begin with touch and kisses on the insides of her thighs, the outer labia, the mons pubis — basically, loving all the way around the clit until you are ready for more. As you become more experienced and more familiar with your body’s responses, you may not need this much time. In fact, when you are able to stay in an aroused state — recognize that orgasm is an energy field you can slip into any time you want, you may not need much prep touching at all. Just thinking of your man will send your spine arching back into orgasm and your clit throbbing for touch! (In time, you’ll learn how to control this response when you’re in public, like shopping at the grocery story or the library. )
Keep in mind, physical climax is different from energy orgasms. Men often confuse ejaculation (climax) with orgasm. These are two separate functions: ejaculation is a physical reflex of the sympathetic nervous system, while orgasm is a response via the parasympathetic nervous system. Since men need less time to get aroused and ready for penetration, they tend to focus on the end, rather than enjoying the journey. (Another horrible legacy of standard porn, too.) Just like for the woman, this arousal time is also a time of breathing and relaxing for the man. When your mind and/or body is stressed, pleasure can be elusive. Take your time to get warmed up and totally invested in your body’s journey to pleasure. There is plenty of time to get hot and heavy — once you’re BOTH aroused to the point of a crazed fuck-for-all.
Note: This initial phase of arousal is usually called “foreplay”, a term I despise since it places the importance of the sexual experience on “sex” which is usually defined by the penetration, i.e., when the penis enters the vagina. This devalues the woman and the woman’s biological needs of arousal in order to accept a penis (or toy) without pain. So I do not use the term foreplay. Puja is my personal preference. Puja, the idea of honoring the person and their body, also puts respect back into the sensual, sexual experience, in my opinion.
You should know, Anon, that it takes time to get to know your clit and the rest of your sexual anatomy. And you should spend a lot of time with her — just you and her. This way you get to know how she likes to be touched, without the pressure of a panting, horny Lothario rushing you and making you feel uncomfortable or not “normal”. Masturbation is a beautiful way to honor yourself (self-puja) and learn about yourself and your body. Through masturbation, she won’t feel so foreign to you, and you will begin to integrate her into your body and your overall sexual being-ness.
After you are more familiar with your body, show your boyfriend how you like to be touched. Masturbate in front of him, but he can’t help you — he needs to watch and learn. (He can help later on.) More often than not, a lighter, gentler touch is needed at first. In fact, once your body is awakened, you might even have labia-gasms and sheet-gasms. Hard touch is usually ONLY desired at the absolute height of passion and usually NEVER at the beginning of a love-making session. When your clit is really ready, you’ll know because you’ll start looking for things to hump. If you start eyeing the arm of the sofa with lust, that’s usually a good sign your clit needs some determined lovin’.
Recap of what we covered:
1 – Learn your clit’s likes and dislikes via masturbation; then when you’re ready, it’s show-and-tell time to teach your man.
2 – Female and male sexual anatomy are synonymous, for the most part. Some things are similar to both the woman and the man, so teaching the man about the woman’s anatomy will help him understand how your body responds.
3 – Prior arousal is required for pleasure. As you become more experienced, you may not need as much prep-time, but for now, insist on at least 15 minutes of sensual touch on other parts of your body to get your clit primed for touch.
4 – To learn various touch techniques for the clit, look through some of the videos and info here where the clit rules and men are glad to offer puja to a woman’s body (or willingly lie back and let the woman drive the orgasm train).
Feel free to leave a comment, especially if you want to offer more info so we can be more specific.
Thanks so much for trusting me with your clit.
I’ve found a new way to enjoy my stealth orgasms — the orgasms that are brought on by little or no physical touch. I wasn’t looking for a new approach to my quieter, yet, oh so fulfilling full-body waves of bliss, and yet I have stumbled upon “sheet orgasms.”
While doing the barest of nipple stim and reveling in delicious nipplegasms, my legs open wide of their own volition. My hips move in their own dance, and my head is back in breathless euphoria. With it being colder now, I sleep with my duvet cover on, and I happen to be snuggled under the covers this morning. I move my hand to my labia, first outer, then inner labia, loving the change in her texture and posture.
My inner labia begin close to my vagina, but as arousal progresses, my inner labia extend upward, outward, as if standing at attention — the frilly edges more taut as they fill with blood in their own erections. Barely brushing my fingertips across my erect labia, the full-body waves begin, and I feel expansion in my heart chakra. I’m still amazed that slow, barely-there touch is so fulfilling, and infinitely more tender than hard frigging off.
I’m back on to nipplegasms, having gotten into a pattern of nipplegasms then barely-there gentle-touch clit O’s, and back again. On the weekends, I do this for hours, not getting out of bed until around 2 p.m. — except on the Saturdays I make a concerted effort to get up by noon to catch the vendors at the farmers’ market. But this is Fat Tuesday, Mardi Gras, and everything is closed. I can stay in bed all day.
Back arched and head back, the nipplegasms are on auto-loop at this point. As my knees part wide, falling open 180-degrees on the bed, the weight of the duvet presses the sheet toward me. The sheet brushes my erect inner labia, and a jolt of energy surges up my body. I thought it was a fluke, a wonderful accident, but I try it again, lifting my hips slightly. Sure enough — ZAP! There it is again. I lift my hips the same way, and the full-body waves begin. My hips circle several times, make figure 8′s in both directions as I learned in belly dancing, circle some more, then lift and lower in a plain ol’ back and forth motion. I am breathless as the stealth orgasms fill me and energy zings up my legs and arms, with that familiar energy spiral in the ball of my left foot, sending energy outward. The sheet has just become my new boyfriend.
Trying a few things, I learned that once the sheet is in the correct position under the weight of the duvet but not actually resting on my vulva, manipulating the sheet is not required, and any other touch of my genitals is not recommended. The barely-there brushing of the sheet across my inner labia is all I need to induce these wonderful, deep feelings that can only be described as orgasmic waves that crash against the shore of my body, sending billions of tiny pinpoints of pleasure up through me and expanding outward.
Sheet orgasms… who knew…
Aroused and pricing 1500 thread-count Egyptian cotton,
- DailyOJ 01-26-13, Part 2: The Fear of Intimacy
- DailyOJ 10-19-12 Part 1: September & Crawling Out of Yin
- OpEd: The Face of Orgasm: Is Your Woman Faking Orgasms or Not
- DailyOJ 07-09-12: Allowing and Receiving
(Read Part 1)
And for a quick follow-up to the female prostate discussion… I came across another thread on the KSMO forum, and one of the Adepts mentioned he wasn’t sure if women experienced the same feelings of prostate arousal during sex/lead-up to orgasm. So I’m re-posting here because I’d love to read what other chix have experienced with their female prostate — or what you guys have been told your female partners experiences.
YES!, a woman who knows the feeling of her female prostate CAN feel wonderful feelings through deep breathing. By “deep breathing,” I mean using yogic ujjayi breathing which is an abs & ribs-centric breathing method (lower and middle abdominal muscles as well as exterior and interior intercostal muscles at the ribcage).
To do ujjayi breathing properly, you should feel as if you’re expanding your abdomen out while breathing in, bringing the air all the way down to the pelvic diaphragm. If a woman has enough body awareness through yoga, dance, maybe even Pilates, and plain ol’ self-exploration, she CAN feel the expansive nature of her prostate when it is aroused or in the beginning phase of arousal.
On a side note, breathing can actually intensify (!!!) the feelings occurring in the female prostate. There is a pain / pleasure aspect of this arousal that takes a little getting used to, but once you do, it’s addictive (i.e., ALL pleasure!), and you just want more and more and more. Big belly breaths trigger the prostate’s intense waves of arousal, and slower, more shallow (less belly) breathing can tame the female prostate’s arousal.
I figured out long ago that taking three deep belly breaths just before orgasm intensified my orgasm immensely — oxygen is great for orgasms! Adding my aroused prostate and purposeful, aware breathing throughout the arousal process to the mix is a guarantee of stellar orgasms in my bliss repertoire nowadays.
Aroused and breathing,
(*In response to a man’s question regarding my practice vs. the KSMO protocol. He wanted to know if I’d thought of waiting a day in between sessions to have regular orgasm sessions. He also queried my reason for pursuing KSMO since I seem to be so orgasmic. He then mentioned that women who use KSMO report intense orgasms with minimal stimulation.*)
In regard to waiting a day in between (as the KSMO protocol says), yes, I considered it, then decided to go for a fabulous orgasm instead. I am in an experimental time. While I want the grandest of magickal O’s that my body is capable of, I am enjoying the journey and learning about myself / my self in the process. Maybe I’ll take the day off today, KSMO tomorrow, then have a solo session, and see what the Orgasm Faery brings.
And yes, I have delicious orgasms now, but this wasn’t always so. Men only seem to notice the orgasms women have or talk about (or lie about in Cosmo or Penthouse Forum). But women tend to hide the journey they had to travel to get there — to be able to orgasm at all, much less with a partner, much less have multiple orgasms. I think this leads to a more important topic which is, “What exactly is the DEFINITION of ORGASM?” It seems everyone has his or her own definition, and medical definitions tend to be clinical and sterile with no hint at the emotional side of orgasm or the bliss that is possible. (Which is typical since “Western medicine” was founded by men.)
I started masturbating when I was 15, and while I liked the arousal (build up of tension) and lead-up to the orgasm (sudden release of tension, localized to the clitoris), I was left with that classic disappointment of “Is that it? What the hell is all the fuss about?” And yet, I kept coming back for more, each time hoping that the ecstatic bliss portrayed in romantic movies and romance novels was just over the horizon, if only I could stimulate harder, faster, longer, it could be mine, too.
I truly wish I’d had a women’s circle to belong to, to learn from — to learn how to cherish my female body and female sexuality in a healthy, safe, trusted environment. Every female should admire and explore her body in front of a big mirror and appreciate her self for the amazing gift that it is. Likewise, every (straight / bisexual) man should learn to give yoni massage and offer yoni puja on a regular basis.)
I found my G-spot / She Spot in 2001 or 2002-ish, and that made a huge difference because vaginal orgasms are like hot waves that wash over the whole body, rocking you back and forth as they crash against an unseen shore before another wave pushes forth. The She Spot is part of the female prostate, and at the time, I had no idea what was in store for me once I awakened my prostate — that’s another story in itself!
A clitoral orgasm only took 2 minutes to achieve which was great for getting to sleep really fast at night, but the clitoral orgasm was localized to the clit and generally unrewarding (not anymore, though). At the time, a She Spot-only orgasm needed an hour to an hour-and-a-half of constant, consistent stimulation to achieve the full-body waves (sans explosive tension release) orgasm. This was exhausting, and without the explosion, unfulfilling, so ultimately, She Spot orgasms were more frustrating than anything else. (They were also emotional, whereas clitoral O’s usually are not.)
I was looking for something that could get me great orgasms with less work. Along the way, I began doing simultaneous stimulation of my clit & G-spot which would bring a pretty nice blended orgasm in about 10-20 minutes… but only one. I wanted LOTS. (For the record, I’ve got my time down to about 6 minutes, and the multiple orgasms that occur are outstanding… jus’ sayin’…)
I was molested as a child and raped as an adult, so being able to orgasm at all is a truly great accomplishment. And thankfully, I have little to no mind fuzz because of it. Anger? Of course. But that isn’t productive, so I choose to stay in good energy. I was also in a very bad marriage for 13 years that was absolutely unsatisfying for me sexually. In fact, when I did want to participate, he got defensive, accused me of not liking what he was doing — so unless I was on top or giving him a blow-job, I was on my back, just there for him to do whatever he was doing till he came and (thankfully) rolled off me. Don’t bother asking why I stayed. Let’s just say, at the time, I couldn’t afford to leave. I’m happy to report I have been a single mom for a year and a half, making it on my own — thankya, thankya, vurry much!
I’ve worked very hard to be a fully sexual woman, so I don’t take any orgasm, “small” or “meteoric” for granted. I appreciate them all.
I’m in tune with myself because I have a long-held activist streak, especially for women and women’s rights, and with that comes pride and the freedom to be a sexual being. I’ve done years of work on myself to be at the point where I can have sex for no reason other than wanting to feel pleasure, i.e., not to please a man, make him feel better about himself, not to keep a man, or use sex to pretend I’m being loved. It just so happens that at this point in my life, I want sex with emotion, i.e., to make love, not a casual hook-up with a carnal fuck. (Sorry, feminazis.)
I loved learning Tantra positions and philosophies, but its focus is on partner work. KSMO was the next step in my journey because I don’t have a partner right now, and KSMO is a solo practice. But I didn’t expect the male jealousy and animosity toward women that cropped up repeatedly.
Sometimes, while reading the KSMO Forum, it almost makes me feel like I should apologize that, as a woman, I don’t have to overcome ejaculation or erection control, which is what brings most guys to KSMO. Learning to female ejaculate is one PRIME reason I wanted to explore my body even more — to experience female ejaculation, which I have in low doses, but I want the full-out geyser experience. So on this topic, I think we might always be Mars vs. Venus. And yet, if I do apologize for not having to deal with erection / penis issues, then I’m apologizing for being female, which I absolutely will not do.
So when the guys start getting a jealous streak because they think women are getting a “free pass” in the orgasm department, they need to read the research statistics and know that women have as much mental, emotional, psychological, and physical crap to deal with as men. Just because my erectile tissue is mostly inside my body doesn’t mean I don’t need to learn how to “control” it. After all, how do you control something you CAN’T see?! (A lot of inner work and genital yoga, that’s how!) And since the medical establishment is STILL making discoveries about women’s anatomy and sexual responses, I will continue to enjoy learning as I go.
Anyone who’s done KSMO even half-assed (and that’s not an Aneros joke) knows that KSMO, Tao, Kundalini, Tantra, and other energy / sound-based protocols are about much more than orgasm. You wind up dealing with things you thought you’d buried and hidden so well from the world. You built really great walls so no one would know. Then you get the Fu Dogs, Terrors, and Mind Fuzz breaking down your walls from the INSIDE, and you have nowhere to run.
I took 4 years off from KSMO because I needed to set my Fu Dogs straight. I’ve spent years working on my own crap. In fact, one of the things that confuses me the most is seeing posts (from guys) on the KSMO Forum who talk about all the mind noise they have and the issues that come up, but think the problem is KSMO. Any energy / sound-based protocol done correctly purges the subconscious self of the ingrained, entrained, brainwashing crap of society, religion, media, previous relationships, et al. But they fail to see that. I didn’t want to take 4 years off from my orgasm schooling, but I felt that was what I needed to do.
Right now, I am more interested in the journey to the orgasm. And I see the journey and the orgasm as a meditation. I don’t think you can do KSMO, or Tao, or Kundalini, or Tantra correctly and not learn about yourself while learning about your body’s ability to awaken to orgasm. I know the higher level energy field of orgasm exists — the cosmic orgasm, and that’s what I want to conjure at will. I read the KSMO adepts talking about the energy as it moves within their body, and in KSMO orgasms, they float in that energy field. I’ve been there in my astral dreams, but I want to be able to go there any time I desire it.
I just did an interview on my radio show, Musical Theatre Talk, with a master voice teacher who uses healing energy on and for singers. Hearing her talk about raising, moving, and using energy for the purposes of singing and performing suddenly made a lot of sense to me re: KSMO, Chi, the Chakras, Kundalini serpent unspiraling, the raising / moving of energy the Adepts talk about. I guess I just needed it in a language I understand — singer-ese.
The orgasms I’ve experienced since starting back with KSMO a couple months ago are nothing short of soul-stirring. Even if the journey up to orgasm seems regular sometimes, the last part of the ride is not, and the intensity of my orgasms is beyond anything I’ve experienced prior to KSMO… and yet, I know there is more to explore — such as female ejaculation and further anal play, just to name a couple items on my to-do list.
And so I’m here. I’m orgasmic. I’m vocal. I’m unapologetic.
Just following Jack’s advice on sensual touching has given me a new appreciation of my breasts (which I always hated) and even my body’s ability to respond to touch.
And thank you, for being brave enough to ask me point-blank questions, and knowing (I hope!) that nothing I wrote is directed at you personally or energetically…. I’m just Irish that way.
Aroused and vocal,
In The Jungle Book, Rudyard Kipling’s loveable bear, Baloo, doesn’t want much out of life. He prefers a simple, uncluttered, unfettered existence. In the Disney film version, Baloo sings a fanciful tune about “The Bare Necessities.” This prompted me to write about what I like from a sexual union, a night of ecstasy, and the promise of wanton desires fulfilled. (With all the hooplah about what people are supposed to do to “create” a romantic evening — what we should wear, what we should say, what techniques we should know, what doo-dads, gizmos, and whizbangs should be at the ready — I simply must offer my two cents.)
In “The Bare Necessities,” Terry Gilkyson’s lyrics go like this:
Look for the bare necessities
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
Old mother nature’s recipes
That bring the bare necessities of life.
I want the bare necessities when it comes to sex. No pretense. No acting out a scene from a movie. No bullshit. Just being a real person with another real person enjoying a real moment together.
What does this mean?
I hate lingerie. I don’t want rose petals on the bed. No candles. I don’t want a steak dinner beforehand. I don’t drink. I can’t stand perfume or cologne. I despise “romantic” music. I refuse to “talk dirty.” I won’t play “dress-up.” I don’t do S&M (or bondage or dominatrix/submissive crap). I don’t like kink.
I’m fat. Why kill perfectly innocent flowers? Can you say “fire hazard?” Who wants to fuck on a full stomach? Alcohol tastes gross. Allergies. Cheezy city! Don’t bring your porn fantasies to me. I do theatre for a living. Solve your “mommy issues” on your own time. It’s weird.
Now that that’s all clear… here’s the reason. I don’t want my partner focused on all the peripheral “stuff” when he or she should be focused on me. And likewise, I don’t want to be in a panic trying to get everything ready. Again, dealing with “set dressing,” lighting, and sound is what we theatre pros call a “tech rehearsal” or a “hang and focus” in the theatre biz. I certainly don’t want to do that when I’m supposed to be getting aroused, anticipating the events to come.
Mainly, I don’t want to feel like I’m putting on an act, pretending to be something I’m not (more theatre). I want to walk into the room naked, body flaws and all, and that be okay because my partner sees me, the person I am, my heart, my soul, my being, instead of all the ways I don’t meet the American standard of beauty. My mind should be filled with a million thoughts of how I can touch him — not wishing I could afford lipo.
So here’s the recipe for having sex with me:
- Don’t be a moron. (I’m afraid I must insist on this.)
- Be prepared to be naked immediately. I don’t do bullshit / tease / “foreplay” on the couch. We’re heading to the bedroom post haste.
- The lights will be low and minimal, but definitely enough light to see everything. And I mean, everything.
- Speaking of seeing everything, make sure you shave your balls — and wash your ass crack.
- The music will be a meditation CD of my choosing. Get over it.
- The sex starts with talking for an hour or longer…
(Okay, I know I just lost the male audience, but “bare” with me.)… If I haven’t been with you before, how can I know what you like? Should I assume what you like based on what my last partner liked? Or the guy before him? Do you really want me remembering them while I’m with you? Didn’t think so. So start gabbing. Of course, we can touch, silly. Did you think we would only talk? If that’s the case, then let’s braid our hair and do our nails!
Why spend so much time on talking and experimental touching? If you’re familiar with the concept of positive and negative poles of the body, then you’d know a woman’s breasts (in line with her heart chakra) are the positive pole and the true entryway to the vagina (her sex chakra). For a man, his positive pole is the penis (no pun intended) which is his sex chakra that leads to his awakening in his chest (his heart chakra). It seems the old adage really is true, the way to a man’s heart is through his penis, and the way to a woman’s vagina is through her heart.
Do I have favorite positions? Of course. The Kama Sutra, Tantra, the Tao, and Kundalini teachings are filled with ideas for sexual awakening, soul connection, and heart chakra fulfillment. That doesn’t mean they’ll work with you. Or vice versa.
A shorter penis works well for women on top, a longer penis is great for side-behind. A curved penis is great for She Spot stimulation like having one leg over his shoulder (Splitting the Bamboo) position. Breast worship is a prerequisite to yoni massage or any genital yoga. Lingam massage and oral ecstasy are two of my specialties. Then there’s one I named the Reverse Rockingchair. (Don’t ask what it is. There’s only one way you’ll ever know what it entails.)
Seriously, though, communication is vital to the partnership, whether it’s for one night or a lifetime. If all you want is the quick screw, then you’ve definitely come to the wrong place. I expect this to go for hours, and while I suspect there will be orgasms a-plenty, I’d rather have a connection with another human being than a race to the finish. After all, I don’t need a man for orgasms — I do that amazingly well on my own, thank you very much.
Therein lies the problem. I don’t need a man. I want a man. I don’t need sex. I want sex. There is a difference. I don’t need a man in my life to take out the trash, mow the lawn, change the brakes, or fix the leaky sink. I can hire tradesmen to handle repairs around the house or on the car. As a 21st century post-feminism empowered woman, I don’t look to a man to fill “necessary” roles the way 19th century women needed men to be able to accomplish certain tasks for the upkeep of the farm or homestead.
I don’t “perform” in bed (more theatre intrusion). I don’t want you to have “performance anxiety” either. I want to sit together, and touch, and kiss, and experiment. I want to caress, and nibble, and coax, and cherish you. And I want you to want the same of me, for me, and with me.
I realize that by asking for something so simple and “deconstructed” I’m asking for quite a lot. I’m asking you to leave your ego at the door, along with your preconceived notions about what I want or how I want it. I’m asking you to give up your innate goal-oriented competitiveness, the ingrained score-keeper, and the death-grip on your self-worth and masculine identity. I’m asking you to give up the enculturation of patriarchal propaganda. I’m asking you to just… be.
I know exactly what I want and how I want it. I can tell you, and I can show you. All you have to do is pay attention. Ask questions. But to do that, you have to focus on me, the real me, and not keep a running tally in your head, comparing me to the other women you’ve been with. Be here. Now. Be in the moment. Be egoless. Nothingness. Non-attachment. Just feel. Be.
I like my sex simple — bare — stripped of the illusions put forth by Cosmo sex quizzes and Victoria’s Secret catalogues and the myths perpetuated by porn and skin mags. Sex should be a spirit connection not just mutual masturbation. Otherwise the orgasms will only be physical. And I’m not interested in that. Make me fly — fly upward above the earth, across the universe, through the veil, and let’s bask in the energy of cosmic orgasm and our union with the cosmos.
That’s not asking too much…
Aroused and baring all,