This morning, I awoke knowing that I’d been dreaming, with a vague recollection of the dream, who was there, and that it didn’t seem to be a dream I needed to remember. I started to roll over from my side to my back. As I did, my legs opened up, and I instantly felt the throbbing sensation of arousal, and I knew I was really, really wet. I’ve had some issues with being wet — or lack thereof — fearing that now that I’m 40, it’s all down hill, and thinking back to my younger days when I was so wet, my ex used to complain I’d get too wet during sex.
Using a couple of fingers to feel what was going on, my outer labia were swollen, hot velvet, and my inner labia were thick and hot and wet, just as they are after a series of delicious orgasms… maybe I orgasmed while sleeping (wouldn’t be the first time)… though I don’t know why I would have — the dream was in no way sexy or sexual. Smearing the juices all over my clit and labia felt amazing, and I thought, “What did I do?!”
Last night, I had my nipple-gasms and my stealth clit-gasms but nothing penetrative or even too hands-on. All touch was light, barely brushing-the-skin caresses, gliding my fingers across my skin. And I drifted off to sleep on a cloud of full-body orgasms that left me feeling light and floating, as opposed to feeling tired the way manually “worked for” orgasms can drain energy.
Then I thought about what I had eaten yesterday. I thought, “That must be it!” Just going over in my head what I ate and drank, I could see that I had had more Omega 3-rich foods and remembered this same super-wet phenomenon had happened before when I went “over” what the “experts” say should be consumed in one day.
Supposedly, a person shouldn’t have more than 2,000 mg of Omega 3 in one day. No one really knows what is too much, but someone somewhere decided 2,000 mg was enough.
My food consumption for yesterday was as follows:
- Breakfast – 1 cup almond milk with 1 tablespoon chia seed (which has 1,250 mg Omega 3), a couple small pieces of turkey sausage cooked in organic coconut oil, and 4 scrambled (cage-free) eggs (250 mg Omega 3 each) cooked in butter. ***Note: I woke up late, and made breakfast, but my hormonal teenage daughter walked into the kitchen, smelled the sausage and eggs, and walked out. So I ate her eggs as well as mine for a total of 4 eggs — I can’t afford to throw out food! ***
- Lunch – vegetarian fare at the Hare Krishna restaurant: 1 cup of an amazing dahl (soup), 2 cabbage pakoras, an oatmeal cookie, and tea (brewed with cinnamon, clove, and something floral).
- Dinner – sweet potato candied in butter with a dash of sea salt (OMG delicious!), 3 potstickers cooked in grapeseed oil, and sauteed organic Romaine, with my super awesome dipping sauce.
- Other – I drink about a gallon of water each day, and yes, I had some Diet Coke. While at the computer, I ate some bittersweet Ghiradelli chocolate chips, and throughout the day, I took 4 of my fish oil capsules which have 1,060 mg Omega 3 each. And of course, I went out walking a few times to get my Vitamin D.
So, all totaled — 1 T chia seed, 4 eggs, and 4 fish oils = 6,490 mg just in Omega 3, and that doesn’t include the Omegas of the grapeseed oil, coconut oil, chocolate, and anything else I had. My food was mostly vegetarian. The water I drink is tap water, but I always drink it cold over ice — I’m not a hot-beverage person. (Side note: I recently realized I have an ice fetish… must be an Irish thing…)
Clearly, Omega 3′s, chocolate, and water are the key to being super wet — for me, anyway.
Feeling how super wet I was, I just played in the juices for a while. They felt wonderful. I made a mental note not to allow stress to deter me from paying attention to my health anymore. Some days, I get so annoyed with things I want to pull my hair out, and I forget to take my fish oil or I don’t drink enough water — then I wonder why I’m not as wet as I used to be…. Being 40 doesn’t have to mean being a dried up ol’ prune! My vagina’s hydration level is most definitely related to my hormone levels and my water intake (since vaginal fluid is derived from blood plasma).
Needless to say, I definitely decided to have a morning O session — both hands on and alternately in, and it was spectacular! With the other sessions I’d had this week with the glass toy, my hands were ready for an old fashioned blended-O series of orgasms. It really, truly was amazing. I was breathless and speechless and in awe. The lava flow was incredible.
Afterward, I just lay there, exhausted but exhilarated, no crying (but that was perfectly fine), with my hands on my torso, my arms supporting my breasts. I felt this strong throbbing, as if my heart were beating out of my chest. I looked down to see it was my right breast — she felt as if I had another heart inside the breast herself because I could feel my breast “beating” against my arm. Weird but cool. But weird.
That faded, but it was a long while until the after-O’s calmed down. And I was still so very wet…
I stayed in bed for a while, then heard the crowds setting up for the Mardi Gras parade, so I decided to get up and get my caffeine (Diet Coke) before the parade stared. I went about my day, and it was a great day…
* Read Part 2 *
Copyright 2013 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
* Read Part 1 *
My only problem with the knees up position is that it tires out my hip flexors, and frankly, it’s rather a tight fit with my arms squished in between my breasts and my thighs — but I manage. I’ll use pillows to support my knees/legs next time. I almost laugh at seeing (and really feeling!) my feet shaking as arousal of my prostate kicks in.
As I get near the climax, the sensations are very different than with my penis-shaped toy, a.k.a, “Sparkles,” and the series of orgasms/climax itself is different as well. I had a similar feeling to the first time I orgasmed with the glass toy — I wasn’t sure if I “liked” the orgasms it induced (with clit stim), then I realized this time around that I was judging the orgasms, as if I were expecting the orgasms to be the same as they are with Sparkles.
After using the glass toy with my knees up, I’m really beginning to appreciate how the experience is completely different — I think I was waiting for the arousal sensations and the orgasmic progress to be the same as hands-on blended O’s or penetration orgasms. Now that I’m familiar with the sensations brought on by the firm, directional “touch” of the glass female prostate toy, I am loving learning the various feelings that are evoked — and especially the longer “finish” since my hands and wrists aren’t as tired.
The sounds I make are also much different than using the penis-y toy or using my hands. I seem to have different moans for each style of stimulation as well as for each level of arousal. The sounds I make with the glass toy are mid-way between the soft “Oooooo’s” and “Ahhhh’s” of the hands-on blended O’s and the much more guttural, louder (loud!) exclamations of the penetrative stimulation.
My one concern was that the emotional after-cry would be absent since the crying, uterine orgasms tend to be triggered by the deep, fast, filling thrust of the penis toy. The first time I used the glass toy like this a couple weeks ago, there was emotion but no crying, and yes, I felt “disappointed.” But every time since then the emotions/orgasms have produced crying immediately, intense crying that emanates from my heart/torso not my genitals. I curl up into a ball, rocking side to side from the intensity of the crying — which I now consider to be part of my orgasmic process since it is such a strong release of… something…
Today was no different. Using the glass toy, I was able to stim more orgasms than usual until I just couldn’t keep my hands from going up over my head any longer. The deeply felt crying was immediate and surprising, yet so very welcome. When I first started having these crying uterine orgasms, they only happened with the penis toy, then I was able to experience them with hands-on stimulation. Having these overwhelmingly emotional orgasms with the glass toy means these insanely intense orgasms are available to me regardless of the method of delivery — penis, glass, hands, etc. Which is quite a relief, actually. I think everyone is a little nervous about using a new toy or being with a new partner because you’re not quite sure what the experience or the results will be.
Another cool factoid about today’s orgasm episode is that my prostate creamed all over the glass toy. When I pulled it out to look at it, I had frothy prostate juice on my arm, my hands, and the toy was covered. Awesome!
Yes, my orgasms are coming along very nicely. Onward to the next adventure!
Aroused and exploring!
Trish, what is it about redheaded women that truly makes them stand out compared to other women? Are they harder to love/please or is that just a myth? Do people get burned easily by such a warm personality and fiery passion? Or is that just a myth. What are things that people need to understand about redheads? What sexual myths do you hear often that are associated to women with Red hair? Do you honestly believe any of them? Does that make men or women more attracted to you or at least curious in some way?
Redheads are quite deserving of such awesome questions, so thank you!
“Redhead” is a ubiquitous term for the fair-skinned, often freckle-faced redheads of Ireland and Scotland. However, natural redheads are found around the world. Redheads have been the source of stereotyping — good and bad — for millennia, and it’s only been in recent times that being a redhead has been something to get excited about.
“Red” hair ranges from reddish “strawberry” blonde, to carrot-top orange, to ginger, auburn, and chestnut shades. In a 1995 study of redheads at Edinburgh University, Dr. Jonathan Rees discovered the reason for red hair is due to a mutation of the melanocortin 1 receptor, a.k.a, the MC1R, on the 16th chromosome, something he called the “Ginger Gene.”
Redheads have a greater risk of bruising and sunburning, but we also have a higher pain threshold. In fact, redheaded people can require up to 20% more anesthesia during surgery than non-reds. Perhaps this is why Irish people are so characterized as pugilistic — Gaels can take a hit and not feel it as readily?
Redheads have been a thorn in the side of world super-powers since at least ancient times. Two of the Roman Empire’s most notorious foes were redheads: the warrior leader Vercingetorix of Gaul and the uppity Iceni warrior queen Boudicca of Britannia were both said to have masses of flowing red hair. Both Mary Magdalene and Judas were also said to have red hair, and poor Eve is also portrayed as a redhead. Between the Roman Empire’s pagan enemies and the Roman Church’s dislike of the Bible’s freethinking dissidents, adverse stereotypes of MC1R mutants were created to slander redheads.
Some of the myths that abound with having red hair also tie in to myths about freckles and even fair skin. In medieval times, women were burned at the stake for having moles or “unexplained” markings on their bodies (supposedly succubi of the Devil).
Other myths that surround the heads o’ red include such gems like redheads don’t have souls, walking by a redhead on the sidewalk means you have to turn around, or that if two redheads have a child together, the child will be evil… the list goes on.
Natural redheads are also associated with having naturally large breasts. Artists exploit this from pin-ups to comic book characters to “Jessica Rabbit,” therefore redheads are rarely portrayed as small-busted. Thanks to the stereotypes of big breasts in porn, men automatically assume a woman with naturally large breasts is more sexual or more easily talked into sex — neither is true. But add that myth to the other fiery temper myths about redheads, you’d think redheads were the sexual scourge of the earth.
Growing up, I hated being ridiculed for my “weird” hair color and “weird” eye color. I even hated my freckles until an Indian dancer told me they were special because they were kisses from the sun. Somehow, him saying that made me feel better about my freckles. As for my hair, I was called “Peppermint Patty” and “Pippy Longstocking” more times than I care to recall, but I didn’t mind being called “Anne of Green Gables” or “Heidi.” Though, thankfully, I have never been called the offensive “Tampon Top,” as some redheads are.
I asked around on Twitter, and I received a plethora of replies from men… so adding that to my personal experience of what men have said they love (and HATE) about me… the overwhelming consensus is that redheaded women are thoroughly uninhibited in bed.
Apparently, the outlandish stories about redheads being wild, sexually insatiable nymphomaniacs are neither a myth nor stereotype, but a delicious reality. Since by “redhead,” I assume you’re talking about the Gaelic fiery Irish redhead — or at least, I hope so — I can attest that redheads are amazing in bed.
The fire isn’t just for the temperament or flaming auburn tresses, though. We Gaelic types also tend to have hot skin. I have had partners who didn’t want to sleep next to me or even hold my hand because my skin is so hot to the touch. This is only one reason my nickname is “Lava.” And I find it interesting that in Ayurvedic medicine, redheads are thought to epitomize the elemental energy pitta, which is a mix of fire & water ( see?… Lava ).
Yes, we’re easy to anger (we’re Irish, duh!), but we’re also easy to laugh. Redheads love adventure, taking risks, and trying new things. We love singing and dancing with pure joy and full heart, and we want everyone around us to feel the same. We love spinning a good yarn and listening to a great story in return. Redheads naturally gravitate toward walking the road less traveled.
According to my non-scientific research, almost every man has a dream of being with a redheaded woman. I, myself, align with the “Women Who Run With the Wolves” type of woman — women who are close to nature and the natural, inherent freedom of woman. But then, I’m also a heathen pagan witch. So who knows?!
Maybe that’s what men see in redheads — we heed the call of wild abandon in life, in love, and in sex, when other women allow themselves and their sexuality to be repressed.
And we don’t take shit off anyone!
- OpEd: Fucking Cherokee Men (and Other People of Color)
- DailyOJ 07-07-12: Scent of a Woman… and the Sweet Nectar of Vagina Pie
- OpEd: The Face of Orgasm: Is Your Woman Faking Orgasms or Not?
- Anatomy: Female Ejaculation and Woman’s Ability to Conceive
- OpEd: How I Like My Sex… Bare…
I came across a great site about yoni and all things Tantric for women and emotionally secure men. The blog is by a Tantrika/Dakini who is the “real deal,” not one of the so-called “urban tantra” bullshit artists. However, the following comment one man left on her blog shows just how little is still known about women’s anatomy and sexuality in popular culture thanks to women’s sexuality being vilified by misogynist religion and ignored in Western medicine and academia, while superstitions and myths are still rampant.
(Note: Misspellings are left in.)
i am just curious about one thing if stimulation is done aftifically with fingers on G spot its surely making pleasure for woman but does it keep woman healthy enough to be fertile and gave birth to kids after such an act. my question is can woman still conceive or become pregnant if she is ejaculating with fingers on G spot or it odes affect its reproductive system?
I just posted this response, and so far it hasn’t been approved — fingers crossed, it will be.
You seem to be more concerned with your masculinity and virility than the woman’s pleasure. Your patriarchal, misogynist ego will be pleased to know that the female prostate’s ability to induce full-body/wave orgasms and secrete prostatic fluid has nothing to do with the viability of the woman’s eggs. If you’re concerned about being able to conceive, go get your sperm count checked before assuming any conception problem’s are the woman’s fault.
Seriously. A woman ejaculating isn’t birth control… If it were, almost every woman between the ages of 15 and 50 would be drenching the sheets — every day, twice a day! (But please don’t let the GOP Republicans think it’s birth control ’cause they’d just criminalize that, too.)
Guys… female ejaculation is a beautiful thing. The biggest concern you should have with helping a woman ejaculate is can you drink it all up so her love nectar isn’t wasted.
I’ve covered this all before, but let’s go over the basics of female ejaculation:
- All women should be capable of ejaculating. Fear of urinating is what usually stops a woman from ejaculating even if the stimulation techniques are correct. (Other issues that can contribute to a woman not ejaculating include being dehydrated or the emotional/psychological issues from past sexual trauma.)
- Female ejaculate is NOT urine. It is prostatic fluid and mostly glucose, hence its sweet flavor and labeling by the ancients as the “nectar of the gods.”
- The amount of fluid released will vary from woman to woman — from a couple tablespoons to a couple cups of fluid, and can vary from release to release, even within the same sexual session.
- If a woman feels pressured by her partner to ejaculate in the first place — much less burst forth a specific amount, this can activate stress hormones and prevent her from getting wet at all — even though vaginal fluid is a different cocktail than prostate fluid.
Are we clear on this? Women experiencing mind-boggling pleasure is actually healthy for the woman physically, emotionally, psychologically, as well as sexually. Loving the vulva and vagina via yoni massage is one of the most beautiful ways you can show a woman respect sexually. And, at the risk of making men paranoid in the other direction, being able to help a woman ejaculate is super manly!
If your woman already ejaculates on her own, ask her to show you how she does it so you can see what she does and how she does it. Don’t help!!! (Unless she asks you to.) Just be there to lap up the delicious juices.
I went to bed late last night — actually, early this morning. It was after 2:30 a.m. that I finally stopped replying to tweets, took my shower, and got in bed (and replied to some more tweets). I allowed myself the late night because this morning would be Saturday, and Saturday mornings are my SASO’s and blended O’s time.
I was doing my hands-on blended O stimulation, and everything felt wonderful. I didn’t try thinking about Mr. Dream Man, I just focused on my body — the amazing sensations of the arousal, the shaking of my legs, the zinging energy, the heat raising up, my whole body really coming alive after a full night of rest and a long time of spontaneous O’s, nipple-gasms, and gentle clit-gasms just moments before. Truly wonderful.
Then I reached a certain point of arousal where I seemed to have slipped into neutral. I wasn’t progressing toward climax, nor was I regressing to less arousal. I was… stuck… in neutral gear…
I had marked the time when I started since I’d noticed hands-on blended O’s had started taking a while to experience, sometimes 30 minutes or longer. Now being stuck in neutral, trying to avoid conscientious time-noting, ego-driven minutes-counting, I was growing frustrated. The mind noise began. Should I just stop? (Too horrible to contemplate.) Should I try some fantasy? (Tried. Failed.) How long before I’m just totally ego-driving this process? (I really want to experience the yummy blended orgasms.) Does that guy outside really have to use a leaf blower in the middle of the day? Can’t he just use a push-broom or a rake on those leaves? Jeez….
Being “stuck” in neutral gave me a unique vantage point to observe my body — the changes through the arousal process, the jolts of energy still zinging up my legs, my glutes clenching, my hips rhythmically raising and lowering on the bed. And perhaps best of all, I was incredibly wet! My previous fears that my body was experiencing hormonal changes that were affecting my vaginal fluid production were allayed, thanks in no small part to my resumed regimen of chia seeds, fish oil, dark chocolate, and lots of water. I was ecstatically happy about the incredible amount of juices covering my vulva and upper thighs.
I must have been stuck in neutral for 10 minutes or longer. My attention kept being drawn to my left hand, the one working my prostate, feeling my hand sliding around on the vaginal and prostate fluids. My wonder at the physical process occurring sparked a thought… This extended, consistent stimulation of my clit and prostate is one of the hallmarks of arousal that brings about female ejaculation. I thought on that another few seconds. If I kept doing exactly this — this left-hand pressure and thrusting on my prostate, this right hand stim of my clit, my wetness, my clenching — I was bound to finally achieve true female ejaculation! How awesome would that be?!
The moment I had that thought, I could feel my inner clit squeezing like a vice-grip as its blood-filled erectile tissue expanded inward against my vaginal walls. I knew that feeling was the first cue of impending multiple orgasms. Except now, I wasn’t ready to orgasm! I wanted to feel this ejaculation cruise control! But I didn’t have any towels, and with the colder weather, I had my duvet on me and didn’t want to soak it. So I resolved myself to probably not ejaculating in one gush at that time — I was satisfied with the rhythmic release of fluid throughout the session.
When the orgasms began, I was mystified by their intensity and power. That “neutral” gear had served a purpose! It did something to my body — whether it was solely physical or a mind-body combo — that laid a foundation for the orgasms that literally rocked my world in that moment… for many moments… My whole body was involved in this process — I crunched forward repeatedly, my knees were up, my hips were rocking up toward my hands. I kept rolling over to my left side, my legs started kicking. I was making all sorts of weird moans — some lower pitched, some higher, all wild woman.
After I couldn’t use my hands anymore — my arms flew up over my head — my hips and legs were still going. Without the need for keeping my hands where they were, I rolled back and forth, my back arched, my nipples brushed back and forth against the sheet spurring the nipple-gasms and more back-arching. I felt the insane throbbing in my labia, my vagina, perineum, anus, energy zaps up and down my legs, all of it signaling an array of delicious orgasms, both body-centric and energy-induced.
As I lay in bed, still somewhat panting from the orgasms, I noticed a strange sensation in my left hand. Energy was zinging up my fingers, up my hand, and into my arm. Usually energy comes up my legs or out my left foot (at the ball of my foot). This was different. It felt as if my fingers were plugged into an electrical outlet and electrical energy was shooting up my fingers and up my arm to my neck, scalp, and face. Then I noticed I felt a similar electricity/energy up my right hand and arm.
All in all, this session from start to the end of the orgasms (that I was able to hand stimulate) was 21 minutes. Absolutely 21 minutes of incredible bliss — and so worth that neutral gear interlude in the middle. Like a symphony, the “lull” in the middle just laid the groundwork for the crescendo of the last movement, building up to the fireworks at the end.
I laid there, stunned by the awesome power of the experience. I can only hope that if I again experience that “lull” of neutral gear, I’ll remember this experience and know even that down-swing of the cycle has a purpose. I’m not broken, my practice is going fine. And I’m grateful for this experience to amaze in wonder at my body, the rising levels of orgasms possible, and the necessary ebb and flow of the arousal process.
Aroused and cruisin’,
Trish – I would like to ask a question in relation to the gentlemen who asked about small penises. I’m a man in my late 20′s and have been sexually active for roughly 10 years. In those ten years, I have grown to know that I have a rather large penis. I have lost girlfriends due to the sheer girth and length (8+ inches) as most women find it hard to accommodate me during intercourse. My present girlfriend is smaller in stature and has had a child but we have intercourse roughly once or twice a week due to her not enjoying it most times. I have tried different positions and a lot of other things and I am just curious as to how you would coach someone to help with this. I attached a picture just as a reference point. Thanks!
N., in Ohio
Thank you for such a great question! Whether talking about breasts or penises, our culture is yet again let down by the “bigger is better” brainwashing and phallic fallacies of porn. The stereotyped preference for a huge penis not only does a disservice to more modest members, but it does not realistically show the physical burden on the woman or the emotional and psychological impact on the man.
The great points I see in your post are 1) you care for your partner beyond just your physical gratification, 2) you seem willing to want to learn some new techniques, and 3) with having sex a couple times per week, you’re doing better than most men! However, pain during sex can strain the relationship, and while there are techniques you can learn, sometimes a woman feeling pain during sex has nothing to do with you.
Certain positions are better for long penises, while others automatically hurt the woman. The better positions for a long penis will be missionary, rear entry, and side-behind positions. Positions that can hurt the woman physically include woman-on-top and even legs-over-the-shoulders, depending on the length of the man.
Girth is an entirely different issue. For you, N., you better love the vagina because the only way you will be able to have sex that doesn’t hurt your woman is to resolve yourself to LOTS of pre-penetration attention on your woman’s body EVERY time. And your woman will have homework as well.
Most women want fullness during penetrative sex, but in order to accommodate any penis at all, the vagina must be properly warmed up. If the vagina and labia are not warmed up, swollen thick with arousal, wet from vaginal fluid or lube, AND the vaginal entrance wide open, then the vagina is not truly ready for sex.
The pre-penetration ritual should ideally begin with her mind, then perhaps evolve to kissing (her mouth), moving southward to copious amounts of breast worship, eventually leading to your fingers stimulating her vulva. The vagina is comprised of muscles whose job is to stretch for penetration as well as for childbirth. I’m thinking your issue may not be the inner vagina but the opening and first inch or so.
The opening to the vagina is encircled by the labia as well as the remnants of the hymen. These hymenal remnants can be like any scar tissue that is less pliable than the rest of the skin. The hymen also does not have its own source of lubrication so it must be lubricated with vaginal fluid or purchased lube. Warming up the labia — the lips — outside the vaginal opening is just as important because this skin is attached to the muscles that will need to stretch to accommodate your penis.
A great reason to switch to watching erotica is to learn techniques that warm up the vulva, or as she’s called in Tantra: “yoni.” Yoni massage is a time-proven technique in Eastern sexual philosophy but is not as widely known in the West. The vaginal opening can be warmed up with your mouth, tongue, or fingers in a yoni massage.
Not just oral sex, yoni massage is a hands-on Tantric practice of showing respect and devotion to the entire vulva — the labia, the vagina, the mons pubis — respect to the whole woman. Using lube or massage oil with your warm hands, slowly massaging your woman’s vulva for half an hour will stretch the skin, the opening, and the inner muscles required for comfortable penetration. In fact, midwives/doulas will have a woman’s partner do yoni massage on her during labor to prevent a tearing of the vaginal opening. (*Side note: Oil and condoms don’t mix.*)
Just inside the vaginal opening, the clitoris takes on a life of its own. Not just the little nub visible from the outside, the clit can be up to 6 inches long inside her body, several inches wide, and has 18 distinct parts. Forming a horseshoe over and around the vaginal opening, the clitoral bulbs are erectile tissue that swell with blood during arousal and grip whatever is inside the vagina as the woman nears climax. If the vagina was snug before, at this point, the vagina may be uncomfortably tight. For the woman, she may resist getting fully aroused or getting near climax to avoid discomfort. For the man, the squeezing of the penis may be so great he might start to lose his erection.
This is where lube plays an important role in sex. Even if your woman is young, healthy, active, and gets “wet,” use lots of lubricant anyway. Friction sex hurts at the best of times. When there is a size discrepancy between partners, lube may be your life-(and relationship)-saver. Here’s a link to the lube I use and absolutely love.
- Spend at least half an hour on her breasts and vulva — this might actually need to last an hour!
- Use your fingers, not just your tongue, to gently stretch the vagina. If you can insert 2 fingers, open them in a “V” and massage the interior, moving your fingers open and closed. If you can’t get 2 fingers in, she’s nowhere near ready for penetration.
- Use lots of lube. Lots!
- Give her a few orgasms with your mouth and/or hands first to make sure she’s ready for your penis.
- Do slow, sensuous sex once you’re inside, not hard, fast, thrusting friction sex.
- Don’t try positions that keep her legs together, i.e., her legs over your shoulders or rear entry with her knees together.
- Also, positions that bring her knees up to her torso shorten the vagina, which may not work well with a long penis.
- Look at the book Yoni Massage as well as the DVD Guide to Fingering: How to Touch a Woman.
The woman’s homework:
- Do solo yoni massage every day to encourage the tissues to stretch.
- Take a hot bath or shower before sex to warm the skin and muscles in the groin.
- Drink lots of water to encourage your natural vaginal fluids (and lay off the caffeine).
- Exercise your PC muscles by pushing outward, not just tensing up and inward.
- Push out on the vaginal muscles as the man enters you.
- Use your fingers or toys that stretch and relax the vaginal muscles.
- Trying relaxation techniques such as mediation and/or deep belly breathing to soothe your nerves and warm the pelvic girdle.
So what if you do all this and sex still hurts? If the painful sex has been going on a while, the woman may have developed a slight phobia now that she associates sex and pain. This can be helped with lots of talking, yoni massage prior to sex, and adopting a non-attachment philosophy during your time together. It is also possible the woman may have a vaginal, uterine, or pelvic condition that is contributing to the pain, and she should see her OBGYN for an exam.
You’ll be pleased to note that the vagina stretches (or shrinks) to fit a regular partner. So trying the yoni massage and slow sex techniques frequently may help your situation in the long run. Also, I’ve just updated the Store page on the AW site, so look through the books and DVD’s to further your technique quest.
The important thing is that you do not develop a negative outlook on your body or your partner. Your heart can’t help whom it falls in love with. With patience and some effort, your bodies can become as compatible as your affections.
I hope this has helped. Feel free to let me know if you have more questions, and I look forward to my readers’ replies!
* Read more AskTrish: AskTrish Posts *
* AskTrish a question: AskTrish *
* Read Part 1 here. *
Also, this September, I noticed how my clitoral orgasms are not as explosive and separate from my vaginal/prostate orgasms as they used to be. Instead of an obvious explosion, that typifies the clit orgasm, my clitoral orgasms have become much fuller, more like full-body expansion up my torso and through me in waves rather than being localized to the clit in a hot quick burst of release. These new clitoral orgasms (in conjunction with prostate stim) have been amazing.
My prostate orgasms have been insanely intense, and yet I have not felt the awakening in my prostate that I had hoped for since resuming my practice in August. I could still be in a time of adjustment, or my prostate could be so integrated now that my body is now accustomed to the sensations that were once so new and startling. (Which sucks because I love when my prostate is so awake I literally can’t sit still.) However, I know my prostate is very much awake and attentive because I have urination orgasms almost every time I go to the bathroom. And of course, the blended orgasms are truly out of this world.
On a side note, since crossing that threshold into being 40, I have noticed since September that I’m not as wet as I used to be. I know my caffeine intake is too high, and I’ve been forgetting to take my fish oil, but not being crazy-wet all the time has me concerned about my hormone levels as well as my hydration and diet regimen. I eat pretty well — on the rare occasion too much sugar, but nowhere near what I used to consume. So I’ve made a conscious effort to lay off most sugar/starch, take my fish oil, eat my dark chocolate, and drink LOTS of water. I can tell when I’m properly hydrated by the prostate orgasms that radiate through my torso and up my spine to my scalp and face when I go to the bathroom. No orgasm while urinating? CHUG ICE WATER.
I’ve been trying to do my Sparkles-assisted sessions on Monday, Wednesday, Friday — during the day, since I’m loud, saving my hands-only, quieter, blended, wake-up O’s for Saturdays and/or Sundays.
Today, I experienced again what had been happening for the past couple of weeks. Starting the session later than I prefer puts me in a bit of a stress mode since I like to have my “lying broken” time first to clear the mind fuzz. If I have less than 3 hours, I usually don’t bother. But today, I had less than 2 hours, but really wanted to have a session, so I went for it… which may have been what set me up for the resulting disappointment.
By not having my “lying broken” time, the mind fuzz was all a-chatter in my head. Life, work, this blog, Twitter, updating my site, hoping I can raise enough funds to start my radio show and forum, organizing my own orgasm training method in my head — my mind would not slow down, shut off, or shut up. And yet, I proceeded. Pathetically. I did about 15 minutes of sounds on Aum, doing light sensual massage. After a minute, I had some light nipple-gasms (disappointed that it took that long). A few minutes into the Aumming, I started clit massage. Took a good minute to get an OM-clit-gasm. (Disappointing.) Trying to put a finger in, there was vaginal fluid at the opening, enough to insert my finger to stim my prostate, but certainly not enough to accommodate my purple silicone friend, Sparkles.
This had been going on for a few weeks now. Too much caffeine and not enough vag fluid. I always use lube with Sparkles, but now being 40, the idea of being one of “those” women who can’t get wet sent a panic through me. My ex used to complain about how wet I got during sex — he would pull out and use the sheet to wipe me off till my vulva was bone dry and he could get friction (the fact that it hurt me didn’t seem to matter) — what mattered now was that I may have wasted over a decade of being a natural female ejaculator with a man who hated my amount of fluids! Somewhere in my psyche, I may have shut that down, and now being 40, the natural hormonal changes to my body might prevent me from ever ejaculating! GRRRRRRRR!!!!!! (I’m not sure about this as a point of fact, but that was the fear that ran through my head… as if I had room for more mind noise…)
So what the hell was the point?! Why am I doing this?! Why don’t I just stop — call it a day? I’ve done that before. This time, I couldn’t just stop. I wasn’t having a female blue-balls moment (yes, we can get those). Quite the contrary, I could have very easily just gotten up. But I was so annoyed that my routine was interrupted by starting late, my vagina was dry from my over-consumption of caffeine, and my mind would just not shut the fuck up. And now it was glaringly obvious that I was so attached to the outcome, I couldn’t just end the session out of separation anxiety… What if my fabulous, life-altering orgasm journey is caput? What if the ride is over and the cosmic carousel operator is trying to get me to move the hell on — and what, take up knitting?!
Granted, the “worst,” most “disappointing” orgasm nowadays is better than the best orgasm I ever had prior to beginning this journey. But I feel like I’ve learned so much about myself, and I have so much more to learn, that it just can’t be “over!” It can’t continue to be a series of technically great orgasms that don’t resonate with me vibrationally!!
So I soldiered on with Sparkles, had a physically great orgasm … and then, the worst did, in fact, happen. I cried… but not in euphoria, but rather in disappointment. This was the first time that I remember crying out of the lack of something, something was missing, and I was sad in my heart. It dawned on me later that what’s missing just might be a physical partner.
Having soared to incredible peaks on my own, I know I’m more than ready for a partner, but my current life circumstances prevent me from pursuing pleasure with someone else. This is not only sexually frustrating, but it hurts my heart. I believe I have a great deal to offer a man, especially in the sex/orgasm department, but I can’t pursue anything until my divorce is finalized. And so Asshole — my ex — still has a power over me. I fear that having any kind of sexual relations “outside of marriage” (though I moved out 2 years ago), will be used against me to the point of losing custody of my daughter. That is exactly what has happened to other women (it’s part of living in a Bible-thumpin’ Red State). Another added layer of mind noise moves to the forefront.
I feel suddenly broken in many ways, and yet, I’m at a fork in the road, but I don’t know which way to go. As a friend told me, my energy is scattered. I know my heart is here with my activism and ArousedWoman(TM). Hopefully, my emotional heart will be able to find its place with a partner soon enough… Bring on the ice water!
Aroused and scattered,
As I laid down to start the session, I wondered if I’d be able to do it. I had come down with something that felt like a cold. I felt weak and tired. My nose had alternated between runny and/or stuffy, and I was coughing. I realized then that it must have been starting early last week, when I had the clit debacle. My body must have, in her wisdom, been redirecting energy to my immune system. Experiencing orgasm, especially manually stimulated orgasm, takes an inordinate about of energy — chi, prana. This is why physical orgasms are exhausting while energy-based and spontaneous, Kundalini orgasms recycle and grow energy.
Not knowing what to expect, I made the conscious decision to be in non-attachment. Being tired (at 1:00 in the afternoon, no less), I wasn’t sure I could do a full session anyway. I made an agreement with my body to just experience whatever there was to experience, and I would be satisfied and content.
Similar to last session (and most sessions), I started with my nipples. But there was excruciating pain. My period is well over a week off, so why such painful sensitivity, I had no idea. I massaged the underside of my breasts to stim those nerve endings, and gently brushed my fingertips over the nipple tips, and that helped to lessen the pain. The nipple orgasms took a minute longer to achieve than their usual instant O’s, but I was glad that they were “working”…. and apparently was back in an ego mindset of “keeping tally.” I re-set my mindset to non-attachment, and my hands headed south.
Doing a simple OM-touch on my clit, these orgasms took a minute or so to get going as well. My SASO’s seemed to be on coffee break. Everything was going to take effort today… just when I’m sick and tired.
As I checked for readiness at my vaginal opening, I was almost bone dry. I’d been feeling “parched” in my throat and feared I’d be dry vaginally, too. Sure enough, I was. Thinking back, my caffeine levels were way too high compared to my water intake. Caffeine is the death of orgasm because of its vaso-constriction of blood vessels — and both men and women require healthy blood vessels for arousal and physical orgasm.
At this point, I knew I probably wouldn’t do anything with Sparkles. A little lube is always used with Sparkles, but starting out not wet and relying only on lube for moisture leads to “friction sex” and that is painful. With my immune system low and my SASO’s on vacation, I knew this would be hands-only today.
I started by creating moisture, continuing nipple O’s and OM/clit O’s. This brought on enough fluid that I could insert my fingers to love on my prostate. As she grew with arousal and her texture changed from smooth to ridged, I started on my clit with circles. I did not wet my clit. In fact, I usually start with dry fingers on either side of my hooded clit. This allows me to get a hold on the clitoral shaft, stimulating up and down the shaft as well as across the head. (Note: Do NOT try this on a woman without her permission. I know what I’m doing and what I’m feeling. If using dry touch, definitely let the woman lead. And pay attention to her reactions!)
I didn’t even pay attention to the time. I just enjoyed whatever was there to feel and savor. All of my previous concerns melted away as I got close to orgasm — I could feel my prostate was swollen as were the clitoral vestibules squeezing in like a vice-grip on my fingers. The blended orgasm was powerful and seemed to keep going and going. I finally had to stop because I could not manipulate my hands anymore. I was exhausted. Then it happened.
I cried. Emotion had bubbled beneath the surface last time, but this was emotion that I experience only after deep-thrust, A-spot/uterine orgasms. I felt that same outpouring of happiness, sadness, joy, wishful thinking, and longing that I feel after penetrative orgasms. I’ve never actually cried after a blended orgasm, but this was a great experience.
I looked over at Sparkles, and thought, “What’s the point?” I was incredibly satisfied so I didn’t need the penetration — the rapid finger-thrusts on my prostate had taken care of that need.
As I lay back, the after-O’s in my vagina, vulva, abs, and legs were so palpable, I had a spontaneous orgasm or two. The energy pulsated through me. I noticed I was having similar muscle spasms in my right bicep. After a minute or so of very strong muscle contractions in the bicep head, the spasms moved around my arm to the triceps, and eventually faded as the contractions in my vagina, anus, abs, and hips slowed down.
Hours later, at my desk, I felt an energy radiating outward from my vaginal opening area. If you’ve ever seen a stylized drawing of a sun, with rays beaming outward in all directions from the perimeter of the sun center, that is what this felt like. This energy kept pulsating outward, a steady rhythm from my vaginal opening center, outward toward my legs. I don’t know how long this went on (while I tried to work), but other energy zaps and zings occurred on the outsides of my legs, scalpgasms that circumferenced my head and tickled my face, and even spasms on the bridge of my nose — didn’t think there was any muscle there — that seemed to last for over an hour.
Overall, this was an interesting experience that left me breathless and deeply satisfied physically and emotionally. The unexpected emotion was as welcome as the after-effects of spasms and energy zings. I’m excited to see and feel what else happens.
Aroused and non-attached,
Outside my bedroom window, I could hear the trees branches hitting the roof, the rain pelting everything, and the wind blowing. I opened my eyes to see if we had power – we did, and I promptly snuggled down under my sheet. The steady rhythm of stormy weather and a cold, air-conditioned room combine to make a recipe that sends me off into a sensuous half-sleep, drifting over to the Other Side, but still anchored here.
After getting up and checking out the apartment and the balcony, everything looked fine. Well, for a hurricane, that is. My outdoor plants are in the middle of my livingroom, my kitchen counters are covered in water bottles and prep supplies. Thankfully, we didn’t need them. We were safe and dry. So I could go back to bed.
In bed, my mind noted the irony that this was the 7th anniversary of Katrina and the 2nd anniversary of my moving out and becoming a single mom. Moving out was, in effect, the beginning of my journey to reclaiming my identity and my sexuality. Hard to believe it had been 2 years already.
Since I wasn’t alone in the house, and my neighbors had hunkered down for the storm as well, I didn’t even attempt having orgasms… at first… some just happened — I didn’t mean to… The room was cold. Sue me.
With the rain outside and my ceiling fan spinning above me, I lay in bed with the sheet off my breasts and legs, just covering my vulva area, to keep her warm and juicy. I absentmindedly started some sensual massage, and my nipples perked right up. The areolas puckered so tight I had to rub on them, and off I went into my SASO’s. When my nipples calmed down, I did a little OM-touch on my clit, and was off again. This went on back and forth for over an hour, having SASO’s, taking a break for a few minutes then starting again.
In between sets, I checked my vaginal opening for juices. Sure enough, yep, there were juices after each set, which, for me, verifies that these are in fact productive orgasms. Not that anyone would challenge me on this point, but these O’s are so very different from regular stimulated orgasms — amazingly fulfilling, full-body orgasms, but different.
I was very wet, and I couldn’t help but spread the love all over my inner labia and clit, then a little bit further to my outer labia. My juices were warm and slick, viscous, and smelled wonderful. Enjoying the feeling of my labia, I gently massaged them with my right hand; my left hand was up behind my head from the last set of O’s. Before I knew it, I was off again! Having orgasms from stroking the inside of my right inner labia!! I have never done this nor have I ever anticipated orgasms from such a seemingly innocuous area. I kept stroking gently and rolling the lip edge with my fingertips throughout the O’s, until my hand had to go up over my head as well…. Dammit.
A little later, I tried stimulating the U-Spot to help trigger an orgasm there, but I wasn’t feeling it… so I thought…
With the juices flowing and my vagina in YES! mode, I had to slip a couple fingers in. I smiled because I love the vastly different temperatures between the cold room, my hot skin, and my warm wet vagina. She truly is awesome. I stroked my prostate, but just to notice the textures, not to lead anywhere. My right hand came out as my left hand slipped in. I know it’s serious when my left hand wants in. I would more than likely be very busy for the next 10 minutes or so. And sure enough, with minds of their own, my hands conjured a delicious, complex blended orgasm or series of orgasms that seemed to last longer than they usually do. My mind has become so observationist on what is happening in my body, I try to notice every nuance that is happening both inside my vagina — the vaginal walls, the juices, my moving She Spot, the texture of my prostate, the clenching of the inner clitoral bulb, as well as with my outer clit as she begins to hide so close to orgasm.
This blended orgasm was truly wonderful — so much so, I actually made noise, which I don’t normally do with hands-on O’s. I tend to associate noise-making with the penetrative thrust action and A-Spot reach of my toy. I kept the orgasms going as long as my hands could function, but even they needed to heed the call of the Great Orgasm God/dess and fly up over my head as my back arched and my legs kicked — also something I don’t normally do with hands-on O’s… the Kundalini responses are usually the realm of the SASO’s. Hmmmm… makes me wonder what’s going on… and why am I not doing hands-on blended O’s anymore? These are awesome. Will definitely pencil them in my next session.
Then the unexpected happened. I felt this welling up of emotion, like I was about to cry. I was just at the verge of actually crying, felt the tears, the sudden intake of breath, but I was so shocked by the need to cry that I think I stifled it unintentionally. I lay there for a minute. I felt the need to cry again, but I was so aware of it, the crying melted away.
I began to focus on my body and the after-O’s happening in my genitals. My hips were still moving, my legs were beginning to calm down, and I was thoroughly sated. Better yet, I was happy. And the room was cold. My nipples were getting tight again, and all I could think was that it was a great start to another year as a free, whole orgasmic woman.
Aroused and happy,
Waking up Saturday morning, I was in severe pain. Pain I had not felt in a while. Sunday morning brought the same, if not worse, pain in my back and neck. How bad was it, you ask? Let’s just say that Saturday and Sunday mornings were the first time in over a year I didn’t start my day by touching my breasts or my genitals. Yeah. That bad.
So not being alone at home, I did not do KSMO or Sparkles. With the pain I was feeling, I didn’t think my back could take the sudden back arches of O’s brought on by OM touch or nipple stimulation. But the weekend was not entirely uneventful. I had known I would not be doing KSMO over the weekend, so I had allowed for these two days to be “see what happens” days, the days in between KSMO sessions when the new energy patterns that were triggered in the session start to make their appearance — hence the reason Jack recommends not KSMO-ing on consecutive days.
Throughout the day, both Saturday and Sunday, I felt familiar zings of energy up my legs every now and then while working at my desk. Because it was localized to my legs, I wouldn’t call it a full deskgasm. And yet, because I know what these energies are, what they feel like, and I have an idea what they will lead to, I am very excited by their activity even though they seem small. When first experiencing these energies, it can be difficult to notice them for what they are or to appreciate them for what they actually mean. This is an encore sojourn through KSMO for me, so I recognize the signals. I’m not worried or wondering if I’m doing it right or feeling disappointed that they weren’t bigger, bolder, or more obvious.
In the shower Saturday night, doing my nightly finger check, my prostate gave another slight “hello.” After a few pulses, I checked the fluid, and again, it smelled sweet but was very thick. I had already made the mental note to drink more water that day, so I was hoping I’d see some improvement by Sunday. However, I had inadvertently eaten an Asian dish with MSG (monosodium glutamate) and was having swelling in my legs and ankles. I drank extra water to help flush it out of my system. Also, I should note, I am making sure to take my fish oil every day as well as chocolate.
Sunday had similar energy swooshes up the leg and a scalpgasm — maybe two. I even had a full-body wave-gasm — the energy starts in my feet, zooms up my left leg, around my torso, up my back, and curves around my head into a scalpgasm and ends at tickling my face, followed by a full-body shudder, a zing in the genitals, and goosebumps on my arms. Oh, and this was at my desk, so this qualifies as a deskgasm (to me).
But what really got my heart racing in a great big “We’re on our way!” thrill was the urination orgasm I had Sunday afternoon. The prostate wraps around the urethra in the female as it does in the male. Rubbing the female prostate during sex, a woman can suddenly have that feeling of needing to go to the bathroom. But if she knows her bladder is empty, she shouldn’t tense up but rather push out and get to know and enjoy(!) those full-body ripples of pleasure that can occur from prostate play. This same effect can be achieved while urinating — if the prostate is aroused or full of fluid, the rush of urine through the urethra — which stimulates the prostate — can trigger delicious O’s… or… U’s.
Sunday night, in the shower, I let the hot water hit my back for a while to help relax whatever muscles in my back or neck were still so tense. It was 1:30 a.m. I should have been in bed hours before since it was a school night, but I just didn’t want to sleep. My body was tired, but my brain was wide awake. Standing there, I massaged my hips through my glutes since I’d been having some recurring sciatica pain in recent weeks. I couldn’t help but brush a finger along the upper part of my butt cleavage, which months before, I had accidentally discovered to be a very sensitive erogenous zone. Moving my middle finger lower, I hit the K-spot, which is at the tip of the coccyx bone just above the anus. I got zapped with an energy wave straight up my spine to my scalp. So, yeah… I kept doing that for a couple minutes.
On the whole, this is all very encouraging. Starting back with KSMO on Wednesday, I was very happy with the progress I was already experiencing as of Sunday night. With the re-awakening of my prostate and my K-spot, the energy flowing again, the deskgasm and full-body-gasm, I am very optimistic in terms of my orgasmic development. I had a teary moment (furball) that came up Sunday afternoon — another impromptu pity party of my general inadequacy in life, career, and love. So I’m soul-searching into that. Again, I think I know what it is. I’ll write more on that when I have more information to share. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels similarly.
Aroused and zinging,
Similarly to the past two days — 08-08-12 and 08-09-12, I laid in bed over an hour, started KSMO when I was ready and that was about it. I looked at the clock when I started the 20-minute session, didn’t even set my stopwatch to time it. But I only did a few rounds of the breathing and Key Sound, and I knew I was ready to be done, so I stopped. I looked at the clock. It was only 4 minutes later. I didn’t bother with Sparkles. I wasn’t in the mood … well, I was in the mood, but my back and neck had started hurting the night before. The pain was beginning to override any would-be pleasurable feelings. But the breathing and relaxing did start to help with the pain in my back and neck.
Having to learn how to re-incorporate KSMO back into my routine without triggering stealth orgasms had been the first challenge of the past two days. The unexpected emotional “furballs” got me thinking in another direction. But at the time, after the 4 minutes was over, I noticed tingling up my left leg, which I took as a good sign. I was physically tired and hurting, so I laid there for a while trying to breathe the pain away, but eventually had to get up.
As I got on with my day, I noticed intermittent energy zings up my left leg again. As well as the occasional scalgasm. This was very encouraging to me as it meant, yes, the energies were still there — perhaps, dormant — but definitely still there.
In the shower, I did my nightly vagina check, and as I inserted my finger, I felt a jolt. Not a sharp zap like with the clit, but a deeper, more subtle, expansion of energy, a noticeable triggering of something in my prostate. I couldn’t help myself. I pulsed a few times and felt the inklings of prostate re-awakening that I have been craving for months. I was ecstatic but careful not to do too much. Doing “more” or “harder” or “faster” won’t make the sensations suddenly appear. They have a mind and a schedule (and a wisdom) all their own. It’s annoying at times to realize that my super intelligent, crafty mind can’t make my body hurry up and do what I want and be where I want it to be when I want it to be there… kind of like losing weight… which reminds me… no more brownies….
When I looked at my fingers to check the fluid, it was so thick it was less like fluid and more like a facial cream. The smell was spot on — sweet — and seeing the copious amount of prostate “fluid” from just a few pulses was definitely encouraging. But the thickness concerned me. It meant I was dehydrated. The prostate and my ultimate goal of gushing waterfalls via female ejaculation will never happen without being properly, if not, slightly over-, hydrated.
This fact alone caused me to look at everything I’m doing in totality.
Life is complete stress right now, for several reasons, which I won’t go in to here.
My schedule changed this week from my natural night-owl schedule to the enforced schedule of getting a kid on a school bus early in the mornings.
This change in schedule also changed my eating habits, sleeping habits, exercise habits — essentially, just about everything I do, plus how and when I do it.
I have also begun lowering my caffeine intake by only drinking 24 oz. of Diet Coke per day. Last week, I had remembered that when I had my big prostate/cosmic bliss orgasm breakthrough in the Fall, I was completely off Diet Coke and thoroughly hydrated. My two beverages are water and my vice, Diet Coke. No alcohol, coffee, or tea. So anticipating the return of daily sessions, I had dropped my caffeine consumption, which may be triggering detox. I definitely felt the headaches of withdrawal, but I’m not sure I want to associate my back and neck pain to the caffeine withdrawal… yet…
As I thought on all this later, I think I understand what is happening, but only time will tell if it is what I think it is…
Aroused and being mysterious,
As my fingertips parted the opening of my vagina for the entry of the afternoon tampon, I had a sudden flashback to the days when I had sex — with that asshole husband of mine. So I’m slightly hormonal right now. I could really use a hug — and my pizza — if the fucking pizza guy would fucking hurry up and fucking deliver my fucking pizza already! And there’s no reason for this post except that I — Oh, brownies!
Where was I?
Oh, yes, fingers — vagina — tampon……
One of the great things about having spontaneous and stealth orgasms is that I no longer have to fight the urge to clit stim an O while I’m on my period. Sure, sex and masturbating while on my period are fun — a little slippery and messy, but doable with a towel and the understanding that the cervix is tender so hard fucking probably isn’t gonna happen — sorry, guys, will have to be * s l o w * sex, which means it probably will be emotional. That’s not a problem is it? Is it?! IS IT?! — What? They don’t do that in porn??? FUCK PORN!
Okay, so most women will not admit to masturbating with a tampon in, but let’s just assume that at least once in her life, a woman has.
Where is that fucking pizza?!
So I have this flashback to this time (one of several) when I was on top and his hands went from my hips to maneuvering a not so subtle reach-around where his fingertips parted my vaginal opening so he could come inside. I didn’t say anything at the time — I should have — but not only does that feel WEIRD, it can also kinda hurt. ASSHOLE!
Here’s the thing… My vagina is smarter than you.
My vagina is an amazing world that still astounds me. She has her own fauna and flora system, her own pH, her own nerve system that bypasses the spinal cord and plugs directly into the brain, is capable of several different kinds of orgasms, different kinds of lubricating fluids, and she’s just fun to play in.
However…. if the vagina isn’t ready for sex — fully, completely ready for sex — she will not be fully open. A vagina that is truly ready for insertion will be literally O P E N — regardless if the insertible is a penis, sex toy, finger, or oblong vegetable! The juices will be flowing, the tissues of the labia and the vagina swollen with arousal, and the opening of the vagina can even be slightly turned outward toward the insert-er as if to say, “My vagina says YES! Come on in!”
Bear in mind that for many women those bits of odd-shaped edges at the vaginal opening are actually the remnants of the hymen. As such, they don’t have any means of getting wet on their own. This is an excellent example of trickle-down lubrication. Vaginal fluid is clear and most easily created by stimulation of the A-Spot near the cervix. The prostate also creates fluid, but it is thicker and less slippery than the clear vaginal fluid. These fluids have to literally “trickle down” to the opening of the vagina in order for the opening to be lubricated as well. So splitting the vaginal opening with the tip of a finger, penis, toy, or cucumber when the vagina is NOT ready for sex can be awkward for the woman, if not downright PAINFUL.
So guys, please… “Foreplay” actually has a function. Foreplay does not exist to make the guy wait to come inside. Without foreplay or some kind of stimulation that really gets the vagina hot and bothered, the beginning of sex can be painful. (And you perhaps wonder why a woman is a “cold fish” during sex???!!! Just “lays there”????!!! Well, that happens when your body radiates with pain, asshole!)
Just 15 to 30 minutes of breast worship, sensual massage, yoni puja, and/or cunnilingus will do just fine. The time required will depend on the woman, but since, statistically, the average guy only lasts 2 minutes once he’s inside, I’d think you men would want to drag out the foreplay as much as possible, too.
Please note, however, that a little fluid at the gates doesn’t mean the whole vagina is ready. For me, a few quick stealth O’s only takes seconds to experience, and I can feel the rush of fluid press against the opening tissues. I part the opening carefully with my fingertips — with very short, trimmed nails, thank you! I feel the texture of the fluid and know what kind of fluid it is — usually clear, vaginal. But just being wet doesn’t mean my vagina’s ready for my purple silicone friend, Sparkles.
Men, I love you. Honest. And because you love us, do your woman a favor. Just because you’re ready to come inside doesn’t mean her vagina is ready for company. Enjoy the rest of her — her body, her mind, her sense of humour, her emotions, her humanity — and remember that the woman is more than just a warm, wet respite for your erection.
Fuck… I’ll just make Chess Chewies.
Aroused and opening,
In the South we like to eat a dessert called by various versions of the name, “Chess Pie.” As with most dishes, the recipe is slightly different depending on the region you’re in, but mostly it’s a very sweet dessert. Where I come from, we call it “Chess Chewies” because it’s baked in a 9″ x 13″ cake pan rather than a pie plate and cut into small “bars” rather than wedges.
The recipe I was taught only has 5 ingredients: yellow cake mix, melted butter, eggs, softened cream cheese, and a criminal amount of confectioner’s sugar. When people ask for the recipe, I tell them the 5 ingredients. They look perplexed. “It can’t really be that simple,” they are thinking as they take another bite, smushing it around in their mouths to masticate every morsel and decipher the hidden riddle of flavor I must be keeping from them. Invariably, they ask me if there’s lemon in it. No. Coconut? No. Pineapple? Nope. Such is the mysterious, sweet, but rich flavor profile of Chess Chewies… as I make them anyway.
Recently, I experienced quite a surprise while playing in my vagina.
Because I’m obsessed with vaginal health, I frequently do finger checks of my lady’s loins. Working from home, I can wash off after going to the bathroom so I’m in a constant state of fuckability. And if I get the urge, I’ll do a finger check then to see what’s happening inside during the daytime. In the shower each night, I do a check to make sure the vaginal fluids and prostate fluids look and smell right. *** I only use my finger inside my vagina — A clean finger and water — that’s it! NEVER soap or ANY cleanser! And I NEVER douche! ***
Vaginal fluid is clear and slick, but prostate fluid is creamy/opaque and can seem a little sticky. (I would say it’s actually more “tacky” feeling than sticky, but I don’t want people to think my vagina is tacky. She’s beautiful! ).
Anyhoo, I’m well acquainted with the look, smell, viscosity, and taste of my fluids during the day, at nighttime, during arousal, and after orgasm… and yes, there is a difference in both fluids depending on the kind of orgasm and how many I’ve had. I can’t describe the smell, per se, I guess you just have to know what a happy, healthy vagina smells like — I wouldn’t call it “earthy” and certainly not “musky” (who thought that name up anyway?!). But it is definitely my smell, and I love it.
Best of all, I love holding my hands over my nose after I’m done with orgasms and just inhaling the scent which is even more complex because of how I use my hands during the arousal process.
I’ll start with my right hand on my clit, dipping a finger just inside the inner labia to moisten and go back to the clit. Then I’ll finger inside to get the prostate and the “spots” warmed up. When I can feel the spots emerging from the vaginal walls and the prostate swelling and its texture changing from roughly smooth to more ridge-y, my right hand goes back to my clit or I’ll start massaging the inner labia with my fingertips. Eventually, when I’m ready to get this show on the road, my left hand goes inside to tend to my prostate and spots, while my right hand stays on the clit with long strokes or OM-touch/circles. Occasionally, I’ll dip the right hand in again to get more fluids for the clit, and well, it feels good. But by that time, the in-and-out thrusting of my left hand is bringing plenty of fluid up to the surface for my right hand to coat my clit with.
I can feel the change in the fluids as they get thicker, heavier, and I can even smell them from there. As I near the first blended orgasm, I feel the clitoral cuff tighten (incredibly so! I almost can’t fit my two fingers in, but somehow I manage). And through the orgasms, the fluids keep coming, and I go until my hands simply can’t do anymore — my natural propensity is to bring my hands over my head during orgasm, so working my lady’s loins proves to be an enjoyable battle of wills between my hands that want to bring more orgasms and my mind that is too far gone to think logically and strategically about hand positions.
After the orgasms, my hands are covered in various states of vaginal fluids. The right hand has more of the pre-arousal and mid-arousal fluids and smells, while the left hand is saturated in arousal juices and the fluids that gushed from my vagina and prostate during the orgasms’ many contractions. Each hand smells differently and in different places — the palms smell different than my fingers. As I hold my hands up to my nose, covering my nose and mouth, I inhale deeply. I cannot believe how delicious this smells! Even better is the knowledge that no matter how many times I wash my hands that day, my orgasms will still be embedded in my skin, and I can revisit my orgasms in my memory by just holding my hands up to my nose and breathing in.
So recently, I have been having some interesting experiences with various styles of orgasm, and one day, about a month ago, I brought my hand up to my nose during the arousal phase, and recognized the smell instantly but it wasn’t a usual odor for my vagina. I did a double-take — or a double-whiff. And sure enough, I was smelling “Chess Chewies!” I’ve always loved how I smelled, and the Kama Sutra describes women’s vaginal and ejaculatory fluids as “sweet nectar of the gods,” but I never actually smelled like a dessert before.
I know that what you eat affects the smell of sexual fluids in both men and women. And I’ve been working hard to lose weight, so my food habits are a bit different. But to actually smell like Chess Chewies was awesomely weirdly awesome. I thought this must be a fluke — maybe that doughnut binge was seeping sugar into my vagina?! Except that this is what I have smelled like ever since — Chess Chewies!
The real test will come in a day or two. I started my period Wednesday, and here on Saturday, I’m on the last day of spotting. The smell is okay, but it’s metallic due to the blood. I can only hope that the dessert smell is a permanent fixture of my vagina. I mean, I already love her so much, can she possibly get any more incredible? I guess so!
And yes, the thought did cross my mind, that if I constantly taste and smell like dessert, my future partner won’t mind if I make hourly oral sex a rule of the relationship… Right???
Aroused and sweet,
However, I laid in bed and felt my genital/pelvic bowl area from the inside — mentally feeling the area, like a genital meditation. I felt heat and throbbing, but more of it — more expansive. And I felt fullness. I didn’t feel “empty” vaginally.
I couldn’t resist feeling with my hand what was going on down there, and I was amazed. Combining the stimulation technique of OM with my previous energy work of KSMO, Tantra, and Kundalini has turned out to be the best orgasm combo ever.
Aside from being fully wet (thanks extra water and fish oil!), my clit was fully aroused like I’ve never experienced before. The clitoris, so very similar to the male penis, has a length of several inches inside the female, with extending parts, nerve endings, and vascular system. When unaroused, the clitoral head and the first part of the shaft hang down. But when aroused, the clit is erect.
I’ve never felt my clit so erect — ever, especially with no stimulation. Usually, once stimulated to this point and near orgasm, the clitoral head actually sinks back into the body — another sign of impending orgasm — when the clit is practically flush to the pubic bone. When erect, I can feel the shaft of my clit between my fingers — but just barely there. This morning, however, she was firmer than I’d ever felt her — higher, too. A true erection (though she couldn’t have been more than a 1/4″ high, if that). She felt… huge… and growing… I had the fleeting thought, “Is this what it’s like to have an erection?!” But she felt amazing — inside and out.
But with alarms going off for the impending hectic morning craziness, I couldn’t pursue anything… Instead, I spent the day writing yet another breast article.
That night, I felt that energy again, the humming/buzzing energy throughout my body. I had several full-body O’s via the lightest nipple stimulation — barely touching my breasts with my fingertips. Weird, but cool. With tomorrow being the last day of school, I decided to let it be… for now… I would have time to explore these awakenings later.
Aroused and erect,
The key to Female Ejaculation — the wet orgasm — depends on your lady and where her spot(s) are, how they respond to stimulation, and even where they move to during arousal. Most women who ejaculate do so from direct stimulation of the female prostate.
As the giver, use your fingers and curl them up in the “come hither” position. Anchor your fingertips against the inside of the pubic bone (on the prostate), and move the prostate itself — not circles ON the prostate, you’re actually moving the prostate against the pubic bone. Also, hold your other hand on the mons veneris and lower abs just at the pubic bone. (Remember, the lower abs are responsible for delicious coregasms!) This way you’re stimulating the full prostate region from inside as well as the outside. As above, so below.
Also, near orgasm — for the wetter variety — the woman needs to push out like she’s going to the bathroom, not pull up and in. And don’t press so much on the prostate at that point.
You can also tap the opening of the urethra — the U-Spot — for extra sensation — it is encircled by erectile tissue, just like that at the top of the penis. There is also a small “spot” of erogenous tissue just above the urethral opening and below the clit. Tap or stroke this as well for more incredible sensations.
I hope I will have more to report on my adventures with female ejaculation. And in case I didn’t mention it earlier, here’s one last “tip” on female ejaculation. Since most of the female prostate tissue is toward the opening of the vagina, you may not want a penis or large toy inserted fully.
Fingers might be best, but if doing penile / toy penetration, then use just the head. Or use a G-Spot toy specifically designed for female prostate stimulation. The width of the penis or a large toy during full insertion can “choke” off the prostate’s fluid, which hinders the water flow or waterfall / geyser effect you’re going for. That doesn’t necessarily affect the orgasm fabulousness itself, just the amount of “rainfall”.
Just follow these tips to get a great weather prediction: “High ‘precipitation’ with a chance of orgasm!”
Aroused and wet,
So here’s what’s up with my She-spot lately. Back at the beginning of my journal, I had mentioned my female prostate (FP) was about driving me nutz with the sensations that were unexpected, different, yet powerful and sublime all at the same time. After the initial few days of having that awful/wonderful feeling of needing to urinate constantly, and having sensations during solo sex like I’ve never had before, the feelings died down for a couple days. I actually missed them. I had started to get to know them — we were practically going steady and had made it to second base! I was able to differentiate between the actual need to go to the bathroom feeling, and the “WOWZERS, this will be an amazing orgasm!!!” feeling.
After pondering the possibility of drowning my sorrows in a big bottle of chocolate syrup, I noticed the feelings coming back. On a side note: each attempt at KSMO practice inevitably became full-on masturbation and amazing orgasms. I didn’t get to listen to my new Kundalini CD because I just didn’t have the patience for it. But I have been continuing the sensual massage… a lot.
Anyhoo, so now that I was more familiar with the sensations, I experimented a bit… great stuff! In researching more about the FP, I came across a bit of info I had forgotten that has to do with stimulating the female prostate. I think we all know that in-and-out sex is “friction sex,” and that to reach the She-Spot, you have to curve your fingers up to the anterior wall of the vagina (between the 11 and 12 o’clock position for many women — and me), and stimulate the She-Spot directly (for a vaginal orgasm).
Well, this little, unassuming technique involves inserting a couple fingers (middle and ring fingers for me) and quickly pumping the fingers up and down on the FP (like when you get your blood pressure taken and the nurse pumps the bladder to tighten the cuff). OH MY GODDESS!!!!!!!!!!!! That was the single most powerful finger maneuver I have EVER experienced in my life!!!!
Now, I know my She-Spot very well. We’ve been friends a looooong time. She’s been good to me, and I’ve tried to give her what she needs as well. But I have never felt the intensity of arousal vaginally the way I have in the past week with the awakening of my prostate. Doing the rapid finger pumping on my FP brought primal sounds and shallow, rapid breathing out of me like I’ve never done before (and certainly would never choose to do as a trained singer). I can only take it for about 10 seconds until it’s just too much — and I have NEVER been a “it’s too much person.”
One time, I did the finger pumping on my She-Spot/FP, three times in a row, with a 30-second break for catching my breath in between. I finally got out the penis vibe (sans vibration) because I couldn’t take the intensity of the feelings I was having, thinking the vibe won’t stoke those fires too much because it will be in-and-out (though it does have a slight curve to it).
OMG, was I wrong! This was the best ever orgasm I’ve ever had — hands down… hands on… hands in — FABULOUS!!! I knew there was more that was possible beyond that, but I simply didn’t know if I’d make it through. It was so powerful, I cried uncontrollably. Good orgasms will make me cry, but not like this. The arousal and the orgasm was in the core of me, not genital. This is the closest I’ve ever gotten in the “real world” to the feelings I’ve experienced in my astral dreams — which was at the top of my wish list for starting KSMO in the first place.
I also noticed a difference in the juices. Doing the finger(s) pumping motion and stimulating the prostate brought juices that were creamy in color rather than clear like regular vaginal secretions. The creamy juices (I won’t use the crude term that’s used in porn) happened every time with the FP stim, so I know it is particular to the FP (for my own edification, or course). The down side — my sheets are a vibrant rusty-red (yes, fire-colored), and the creamy juices show up later whereas the clear juices don’t — which means I’ll be doing laundry more often, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to
make for orgasms like that!
Unfortunately, I’m on the down-swing again… even the finger pumping, though still intense, does not have the same intensity it did just a couple days ago… this could be because my time is not my own (school’s out for Thanksgiving holiday, and I’m not alone during the days this week). It’s “that” time of the month. If this continues, then this pendulum of highs and lows is changing what I think I know about myself, my body, what I like, what I can (and cannot) handle, which is all good for learning and growing.
I was getting annoyed with myself for not having multiple orgasms during the 20-minute KSMO practice. (I thought MO’s were supposed to be part of the practice. Not necessarily so!) I was getting annoyed at my clit and even my beloved She-Spot for not taking me over the moon already — “C’mon, it’s been 2 weeks of KSMO, we can do better than this!”
But in talking with a few KSMO peeps, I came to some realizations. The KSMO protocol is a trigger. It’s the rock that hits the lake, it isn’t the ripples of water themselves. The ripples — the waves — are what we awaken and interpret as orgasms that are unlike what we’ve experienced before… Now, that I have that straight in my head, I think I can allow my self to do what it needs to do — I don’t need to drive the orgasm train, I can be a passenger, and that is okay.
So, here’s to awakening the fire within! (And understanding that being the Grasshopper isn’t such a bad thing, especially when the orgasms are this fabulous.)
Using my fingers for my nightly shower check, I noticed my cervix was low. I think I’m going to start tracking the sexual highs and lows of my horny barometer. I’ve recently lost 30+ pounds (yay, me!), and now I’m trying the Orgasm Diet. I think tracking my sex drive with the rest of my body changes might be interesting for reference later…
Aroused and journaling,
A result of specific stimulation of the female prostate, female ejaculation is a sexual phenomenon that was praised in ancient texts of yore, yet remains a source of fascination and controversy in the 21st century. Real life couple Somraj Pokras and Jeffre Talltrees, Ph.D., have written their definitive guide on how to coax the juiciest orgasms from your female partner.
Like most people, I read the reviews of products left by other customers, and in looking over the no-nonsense titled tome, Female Ejaculation: Unleash the Ultimate G-Spot Orgasm, a number of customers felt they’d been left high and dry.
Some readers complained the authors repeat themselves, talk too much about setting the scene rather than getting right to it, were “too emotional,” and basically, wax poetic about the whole deeper relationship aspect rather than just giving a few fingering techniques for the ultimate hand job. I agree with all of this. And these are the very reasons that I love this book!
I also noticed that the reviewers leaving the negative, snarky, impatient comments were male. Clearly, some men don’t want to invest any time in this pursuit — they just want the 5-second side-show spectacle.
One man wrote:
“Any moderately intelligent and moderately considerate guy already knows most of what is in here.” (Yeah. Right.)
Another (obviously young, immature male) reader (with little knowledge of grammar or how to use the spell-check feature) explained why he bought the book:
“… to teach me how to make something I can do every once in a while (all with different women) more frequently, but sadly it spend [sic] have [sic] the time talking about ‘energy, Chakra and Chi’ the other half is filled with stuff that ever [sic] man already knows how to do… if you’re looking for a read about how to give the chick you hooked up with at the bar the best sex of her life you will do better (and save a lot of time) looking up “G-Spot Stimulation” on the internet.”
(Well, well, well…. and you wonder why I started this blog?!)
If you’ll recall from my previous post, “How I Like My Sex… Bare…”, I am not a fan of too much fanfare. So how can I love what the authors have to say about preparation in this book? Because the focus is on the connection of the partners, not acting out assumed roles. They also emphasize the preparation of the space where the session will take place. A couple should have a space that is reserved just for them and their intimate time together. (I would call this space the “bedroom,” but television and computers have invaded the once sacred sanctuary of the bedchamber.)
Pokras and Talltrees provide a recommended series of steps to follow to get ready for a female ejaculation session with your female partner, and I really love the idea of this protocol. I find great value in having a specific ritual to follow as it allows time and space to transition mentally from everyday-stressed-out-me to relaxed-orgasmic-me. This ritual aspect also reinforces the sacred aspect of being so intimate with another human being.
They offer scenarios for partners as well as solo exploration, each one beginning with a list of items to do and have at the ready. Getting set up is actually pretty easy once you’re familiar with the steps and have collected the items (such as towels, lots of lubricant, etc.), and you can leave almost everything out and pre-set from one encounter to another. (See?! I didn’t contradict myself!) Having all the goodies already set out means everything you need is within your space, and you won’t have to stop the prostate play to jump up and grab what you forgot. (However, if all goes according to plan, you will have a load of laundry to do afterward! Can we say, “Cleanup, Aisle 12!”)
Again, the focus of their protocol is the attention to detail on the woman, her body, her response to the stimulation, and the endearing connection formed by the intimacy, not the paraphernalia or “stuff” surrounding your sexual playground. And I’m assuming the man will also find pleasure in watching his female partner become aroused to the point of creating an orgasmic gush of erotic juices. I’ll also assume that a woman performing these techniques on another woman will revel in a distinct enjoyment of awareness, knowing what each and every maneuver feels like from personal experience.
As educators, Pokras and Talltrees are insistent on knowing the female anatomy, hygiene, and safe-sex practices. All excellent points, in my opinion.
I had a brief time of experiencing ejaculation in the Fall, so I can attest to how cool (and satisfying!) it is. Life and stress have affected my practice, hence the reason I got this book. My orgasms are great, but I want ‘em wet! With this information (and my new glass toy that reaches further in than my fingers can), I will report here when I’ve reached geyser status.
Until then, I hope you get Female Ejaculation: Unleash the Ultimate G-Spot Orgasm, and leave a comment below on how it’s helped you or your female partner in her journey to female ejaculation!
Aroused and juicy,
Female ejaculation has long been a source of titillation, as it has been referenced in ancient texts such as the Kama Sutra and even mentioned in the works of Shakespeare. Indigenous cultures that maintain ties to a matriarchal-based society and spirituality still teach the practice to their young females. However, in Western society, female ejaculation used to be seen only in fetishist porn (and perhaps, out-of-hand office parties) — or worse, denied completely by the scientific medical community.
Many women have endured the shame of having “wet the bed” during sex or the embarrassment of extra fluid “down there,” with some undergoing the butchery of surgery at the advice of a clueless doctor for presumed urinary incontinence. It sickens me to think that women have endured shame and embarrassment about a natural bodily fluid simply because Western medicine did not take female sexuality seriously enough to give it the same attention, time, and research dollars as male anatomy and male sexual function.
Ancient Taoist texts from 4th century China, ancient Indian sex position manuals, as well as the Western writings of Aristotle and Galen all mention female ejaculation. In the 16th century, Reinjier De Graaf wrote the first “scientific” description of female ejaculation fluid — or “pituitoserous juice” — and was also the first to use the term “female prostate” when referring to the periurethral glands.
The Marquis de Sade described female ejaculate in detail, and even Shakespeare wrote about a woman’s gushing abilities when referencing “the waters of her love.” For modern science and medicine, it was not until 1952 that the female prostate and its functions were taken seriously, when Dr. Ernst Gräfenberg, for whom the term “G-Spot” was named, published “The role of the urethra in female orgasm.”
In The Story of V: A Natural History of Female Sexuality, Catherine Blackledge details several cultures around the world that encourage female ejaculation, including the Batoro, Mohave Indians, Mangaians, Ponapese, as well as indigenous tribes in South American and even California. She notes that older women of the Batoro instruct the younger pubescent women the art of “kachapati” — that is, how to spray the wall.
To prove female ejaculation actually existed, scientists have had to determine the chemical composition of the ejaculate fluid — to differentiate it from urine. They also needed to discover the source of the ejaculate. But first, they had to find women who can “gush” on demand, who would be willing to undergo clinical tests.
In 2010, Joanna B. Korda, MD, Sue W. Goldstein, BA, and Frank Sommer, MD, set out to demystify female ejaculation and wrote their findings in a paper called “The History of Female Ejaculation” in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, Volume 7, Issue 5, pages 1965–1975, May 2010.
“Although emission of female Yin-Chi essence during orgasm is a philosophical concept, we provide justiﬁcation that female ejaculation, deﬁned as expulsion of a signiﬁcant amount of ﬂuid during orgasm, has been known and described in important documents by intellectual leaders of both eastern and western cultures for more than 2,000 years. We demonstrate intellectual concepts about female ejaculaton during orgasm in different cultures from approximately 300 B.C. to 1952 A.D., when Dr. Ernst Gräfenberg wrote an article titled ‘The role of the urethra in female orgasm.’” (J Sex Med 2010;7:1965–1975)
In writing about the Chinese view of Yin/Yang and Chi, Korda et al go on to say:
Women were said to have an inexhaustible supply of Yin essence while men had a limited supply of Yang. Before a man was allowed to ejaculate, he had to prolong sexual intercourse making a woman orgasm several times to acquire her Ching (Yin) essence.
(Three cheers for Chinese wisdom!)
Looking like a bristly tube, the female prostate envelopes the urethra, with some of the ducts draining into the urethra while others conjoin to the vaginal anterior wall, draining fluid (sometimes an opaque milky fluid) into the vagina during direct stimulation.
The female prostate fluid has been analyzed in scientific research settings and found to be comprised of prostate-specific antigen (PSA), prostate-specific acid phosphatase (PSAP or PAP), and glucose (a sugar). This recipe is also the basis for male prostatic ejaculate, minus the sperm. Some research suggests that the PAP fluid is always being produced by the female prostate, quite possibly from the onset of puberty. I would guess this to be at least part of the milky white discharge women routinely find in the crotch of their underwear. While minute amounts of uric acid have been found in prostatic fluid in men and women, neither male nor female ejaculate is urine nor urine-based.
In the 2007 paper published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, entitled “The Female Prostate Revisited: Perineal Ultrasound and Biochemical Studies of Female Ejaculate,” Florian Wimpissinger, MD, FEBU, Karl Stifter, PhD, and Walter Stackl, MD, sought to investigate the nature of female ejaculate fluid as well as determine the anatomy responsible for creating it. They studied the orgasmic response and fluid produced by two women, ages 44 and 45, “who reported actual ejaculations during orgasm.”
The doctors used “ultrasound imaging, biochemical studies of the ejaculated fluid, and endoscopy of the urethra… to identify a prostate in the female.” They compared the women’s ejaculate to pre-orgasmic urine, finding both women had higher levels of PSA, PAP, and glucose but lower creatinine levels in the ejaculate than the urine. Interestingly, the PSA levels were comparable to those of men. The doctors had established that the fluid released during the women’s orgasms was in fact not urine but a unique substance all its own.
Their results and conclusions:
“On high-definition perineal ultrasound images, a structure was identified consistent with the gland tissue surrounding the entire length of the female urethra. On urethroscopy, one midline opening (duct) was seen just inside the external meatus in the six-o’clock position. Biochemically, the fluid emitted during orgasm showed all the parameters found in prostate plasma in contrast to the values measured in voided urine.”
“Data of the two women presented further underline the concept of the female prostate both as an organ itself and as the source of female ejaculation.” (J Sex Med 2007;4:1388–1393)
In 2009, female British porn director Anna Span won a monumental victory for the veracity of female ejaculation when she knowingly submitted a film with “gushing” scenes for approval by the British Board of Film Classification. The BBFC does not allow films showing urination to be granted classification, and based upon (faulty) medical advice, the BBFC had a general ruling against female ejaculation in film, having been told it does not exist and any appearance of fluid being expelled by a female during sex was urine.Span was ready for the confrontation, sending the film’s model to a regulated lab to have her ejaculate tested (it was shown not to be urine), and she wrote a lengthy and detailed letter to the BBFC, providing the juicy details of the film shoot:
“I would also like to add to this that all members of the crew including myself witnessed the ejaculation and knew that the speed, volume, viscosity, smell and sight were all very different from urine. To be honest we were all very shocked by it! Especially Dean who received the ejaculate in his mouth…”
Like men, women do not need to orgasm to ejaculate, and vice versa — we don’t need to ejaculate in order to have an orgasm. But many women who ejaculate say it does correspond with the onset of orgasm or through repetitive, vigorous stimulation of the prostate gland after the initial orgasm. Some women find that simultaneous stimulation of the prostate and the A-spot (in the AFE zone) is required to achieve ejaculation.
As noted on The Clitoris website:
“The female prostate will continue to produce fluid for as long as a woman is sexually aroused, and as result a woman could produce more than 0.2 to 2.0 oz of ejaculate if multiple releases of fluid occurs. If the female prostate fills and empties at a rapid rate that would explain the larger volumes of fluid measured by some investigators. It would also mean the longer a woman’s orgasm lasted the more she would ejaculate, as is often the case. If this is all true it is possible for a woman to ejaculate a considerable amount of fluid without it being liquid from the bladder.
So how do you know whether the fluid is urine or female ejaculate? Urine is said to taste salty, and since female ejaculate is comprised of a form of sugar, it should taste sweet. This sweet component is the reason why ancient texts termed female ejaculation fluid as “sweet nectar of the gods.”
Acknowledging the existence of the Female Prostate was the first step in a centuries-long battle women’s sexuality has fought with the male-dominated Western “science.” A hundred years ago, Western science thought women were incapable of orgasm while perpetuating misogynist notions that women — “good” women — had no sexual desires or needs. This blatant denial of the importance of understanding female anatomy and female sexual function directly hindered the progress of women’s rights in society, including our rights to be sexual beings.
I shudder to think of the number of women who have undergone extensive medication usage or even surgery to “fix” a perceived problem of urinary incontinence, when the fluid may have in fact been female ejaculate.
Expelling of ejaculate fluid is a natural and wonderful perk to being female. And it’s no surprise to me that the doctors and activists leading the charge to verify and legitimize female ejaculation are women.
Aroused and stimulated,
Toenails confound me. Perhaps toenails once served a purpose as claws when we wore loincloths and had to fend for ourselves in hand-to-hand combat. Or maybe they helped us climb hills to plan an attack on a mammoth or run up a tree fleeing a saber tooth tiger. Toenails have outlived their usefulness in the 21st century, as have the Appendix or the bones of the coccyx that recall our once fluffy mammalian tail.
Genital hair is just as useless in my opinion. Oh, sure, some say genital hair acts as a cushion during mating, and scientists say genital hair’s original purpose was to absorb the pheromones of a lover, their scent lingering long after he or she had left the coital splendor. Absorbing scent is the main reason I don’t care for the au naturel hairy-mammoth-between-the-legs look. Though I have other reasons as well…
After the BP oil spill in 2010, people around the world donated their luscious locks (from their head) to be woven together into absorbent mats and dropped on the affected Gulf. Hair was reportedly the best material for absorbing the oil. Soaking up moisture is another reason I shave.
I read an article recently that claimed over 60% of women under the age of 40 in the U.S. shave some or all of their genital hair. It seems that the 20-somethings shave the most, around 80% of them, while women in the 40 to 60 age range are slowly increasing their numbers in the bare-down-there department — perhaps coinciding with the rise in cougardom? Older women looking for younger men who’s tastes have been developed by what they’ve seen in porn?
For the longest time, I only shaved my labia and the sides of my mons veneris, maintaining a sufficient inverted triangle of fuzz as a testament to my adulthood. Seeing females with completely shaved genitals in porn and skin mags would kinda creep me out. It was as if they were targeting male viewers who preferred young females — very young females. The pre-pubescent look just wasn’t for me.
Only recently did I begin shaving it all as bare as a genetically-altered lab rat. In the shower late one night, I was tired and barely awake under the soothing hot water. But knowing I couldn’t tolerate a day of stubble, I hoisted my leg up onto the tub faucet and began shaving, and then — oops! — the razor slipped. My perfect triangle was now gouged. So I thought, why the hell not?! And I shaved myself completely bare for the first time ever. (This is in light of the fact that I haven’t shaved my thighs since I was 21. But my genitals get the razor treatment every night, and sometimes during the day.)
For a woman, the genital area is dark, damp, and humid. In Western society, women tend to be covered up under layers of clothing, underwear, and hosiery. Women’s genital hair absorbs a variety of moist substances including sweat, oils, vaginal fluids, urine, and blood.
The hair also absorbs the smells from being saturated with any combination of those fluids while maintaining a hot, humid 98.6 degree body temperature. It’s no wonder men think women smell like fish! (Though the fishy smell is usually a sign of a bacterial problem that needs attention.) Even gynecologists have begun recommending women shave at least the labia to lessen the chance of bacteria hanging out in the bush(es) and making its way into the vagina, possibly causing any number of issues from bacterial vaginosis to chronic pelvic inflammation disease.
I readily admit that shaving the genitals is a form of body modification, as is a woman shaving her legs and armpits, or a man shaving stubble from his face or waxing his back. Any kind of grooming can be seen as “changing the body,” from wearing make-up or painting your nails to getting your cranial locks trimmed and styled. Wearing deodorant could even be viewed as body modification!
While certain forms of body modification are simply barbaric, such as male circumcision and female genital mutilation, I have no qualms asking a partner to shave his or her nether-regions. Why? #1 – The person decides if he or she will shave their genitals, and #2 – The hair will grow back. Therefore, asking a partner to shave or “manscape” is perfectly acceptable. Why? #1 – The person maintained his/her freedoms of choice and will, and #2 – Shaving is not a permanent change.
I remember very clearly the first time I shaved “down under.” The tub drain clogged up. I dreaded the thought of calling a plumber and having to explain, as someone with long, flowing tresses, where all that short hair came from.
I also remember the moment I actually told someone why I shave. It was after one of our weekend-long theatre orgies, and a friend and I were making the bed before we had to leave for rehearsal. She said something that prompted me to respond, quite matter-of-factly, “I started shaving because I got tired of getting the hairs caught between my fingers when I masturbated.” (This might have been the first time I actually said the word “masturbated” out loud.) My friend, who was shockless, seemed amused (and shocked). And yet, the gleam in her eye told me she totally understood.
Another incident or two led me to “require” the shaving of my partners. Though you’re not likely to see a hairy penis in porn, some men do have hair along the shaft, and yes, I prefer that shaved as well. I have mad skills in the oral pleasure department, thank you very much, and my main issue with male genital hair is that I love sucking testicles. Shaved testicles have the mouth feel of sucking on peeled grapes. An intriguing texture, to be sure.
Then there’s the hair around the anus and trapped up along the butt crack. Put your nose in that area of someone’s backside if you can’t imagine the smells those genital hairs absorb!
Shaving makes me feel so much cleaner and healthier. In fact, as I like to say, “My cunt’s so clean you could eat off it.”
Because I work at home, I have the luxury of washing off after I go to the bathroom. I know I can put my hand between my legs any time and love the smell on my fingers because the only scent that’s there is my true essence from deep with me.
So I completely respect a person’s right not to change his or her body by shaving. However, my potential partner will have to respect that I’m not going to gag on pubes or unpleasant aromas from their nether-regions. (And really, who would turn down sex over this anyway?) So shave or move along.
Aroused and squeaky clean,
Most women have heard about the book The Orgasmic Diet: A Revolutionary Plan to Lift Your Libido and Bring You to Orgasm by Marrena Lindberg, but I had never read it. I heard it was mostly about taking lots of fish oil to get the libido going. As someone who doesn’t like seafood, this didn’t seem like the diet for me.
For full disclosure, my copy of the book hasn’t arrived yet. I’ll write a full review once it appears in my mailbox! But I wanted to share a little bit of what I’ve found as well as what I’m currently doing.
In November 2011, I had a great breakthrough with my KSMO pursuits,experiencing orgasms like I never had before, and one event in particular that had me literally ready to die in the throws of orgasmic bliss if need be. Then the holidays hit: Thanksgiving, the Financial Shop-apolooza formerly known as a Holy Day (Christmas), New Year’s — even Martin Luther King, Jr., Day now earns shoppers coupons and discounts. Joy to the world, indeed.
The holidays, the stress, the being a single mom all took their toll. Living in an apartment building, I stopped my KSMO practice because I didn’t want to scare the neighbors with my screams of pleasure, and my daughter was home from school (for the week of Thanksgiving, the 2.5 weeks of Christmas/New Year’s, the long 3-day weekend for MLK). I just didn’t have any privacy anymore.
Not one to blame my lack of libido on anyone other than myself, I started to look at what I was doing in the Fall that I wasn’t doing now. Sex drive is all about hormones, and I wanted to see if I had been eating or doing something back then that was beneficial to my sex hormones.
Last Fall, I wasn’t drinking caffeine, and I was losing weight thanks to a product that affects the hypothalamus in the brain, controlling blood sugar and insulin release in the body. Even still, I was eating out quite a bit, mostly healthy burgers and only the occasional doughnut, but I lost weight anyway. And I was able to kick my horrible Diet Coke habit!
With the stress of work deadlines and the growing frustration of the people around me seemingly never going to work, my orgasm practice came to a halt, and my libido slowly frittered away. I went off the weight loss product as a test to see if I would gain back the weight. Miraculously, I didn’t — but I didn’t lose any more weight either. I started drinking caffeine again; I was ordering way too many pizzas — did I mention the stress I was under? — and I knew I was on a slippery slope of gaining back the 33 pounds I’d lost.
I recently went back on the product. My cravings for “bad food” have gone away, and I eat a lot less when I do eat. I’ve started losing weight again. So this is good. I got off Diet Coke again, so that’s even better. But my libido wasn’t back, and I was even feeling a bit… dry… down there… regularly. I’ve never been dry! In fact, a former partner used to lament that I would get “too wet” during sex and he’d lose friction.
I’m 39, but I think this is way too young to be dealing with vaginal dryness. This impelled me to seek answers from Dr. Google on the much-hyped fish oil and orgasm diet.
Fish oil seems to have many health benefits, including anti-inflammatory and anti-cancer properties as well as potential use in treating numerous mood issues such as depression, anxiety, and even ADD/ADHD.
What most people are looking for in a fish oil supplement is the Omega-3. Some doctors report that Omega-3 can help people suffering from heart disease, alcoholism, obsessive compulsive disorder, insomnia, agoraphobia, and withdrawal from narcotics.
According to the University of Maryland’s website:
“Research shows that omega-3 fatty acids reduce inflammation and may help lower risk of chronic diseases such as heart disease, cancer, and arthritis. Omega-3 fatty acids are highly concentrated in the brain and appear to be important for cognitive (brain memory and performance) and behavioral function. In fact, infants who do not get enough omega-3 fatty acids from their mothers during pregnancy are at risk for developing vision and nerve problems. Symptoms of omega-3 fatty acid deficiency include fatigue, poor memory, dry skin, heart problems, mood swings or depression, and poor circulation.”
Omega-3 is sadly lacking in many Americans’ diets because of the high amount of processed foods consumed in this country. Processed foods, foods made with hydrogenated oils, foods made from unfermented soy, and meat from livestock and poultry raised on a diet of soybeans all contribute to higher levels of Omega-6 in the body. Taking an Omega-3 supplement may help get your body in balance.
The problem with fish oil capsules is that they can taste fishy. Also, there is no known recommended allowance of fish oil itself — some people can ingest a lot and be fine, others have adverse reactions after taking very little fish oil. Only you and your medical professional can determine what is right for you.
For me, I just wanted to see if fish oil would help get my body nice and juicy again. I looked in my spice cabinet in my kitchen, and lurking at the back of the bottom shelf was a bottle of fish oil capsules. I checked the expiration date — it was still well within its “best before” date. So I took one after dinner that evening, another after breakfast the next morning, and another after dinner that night. The next morning, I felt a familiar sensation between my legs that had been missing for a couple of months: heat, throbbing, and best of all, juices — lots of juices. The fish oil seemed to be working! (Of course, I was also drinking a lot of water to keep my prostate hydrated for future uses.)
The fish oil I had on hand is a concentrated fish oil with 600mg Omega-3 per capsule. Taking two per day, I’m getting 1200mg of Omega-3. One potential complaint I have with Lindberg’s book is that she recommends taking 8 fish oil supplements per day. I have seen Lindberg write that on various website forums as well. With quantities of Omega-3 ranging from 300mg per capsule to over 1000mg per capsule, the amount of fish oil a person would be taking if they solely go by “8 per day” could be astronomic. In her defense, her book, The Orgasmic Diet, also recommends eating a balanced diet, dark chocolate, and doing pelvic exercises. So it can’t be all that bad, right?
In response to one query, Lindberg wrote:
“Fish oil protects against some cancers, in particular breast and prostate cancer. ‘STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN. Several test tube (in vitro) and animal experiments have clearly shown that the long-chain omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids (PUFAs) eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA) and docosahexaenoic acid (DHA), the main components of fish oil, help inhibit the promotion and progression of cancer. Their beneficial effect
is particularly pronounced in hormone-dependent cancers such as breast and prostate cancer. Some, but not all, epidemiologic studies have also found a beneficial effect.’ Larsson, SC, et al. Dietary long-chain n-3
fatty acids for the prevention of cancer: a review of potential mechanisms. American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, Vol. 79, June 2004, pp. 935-45.
“I am not a medical doctor, but the doctor who wrote the foreword to my book is, and he approves of the diet, as does Dr. Joseph Hibbeln at the NIH, a leading expert on fish oil.”
In my own experiment, with 1200mg Omega-3 per day, I had a significant juice boost after only 36 hours. I’ve noticed my nipples getting hard without any stimulation or lusty thoughts (or cold drafts); and that has brought back my lovely Kundalini cervical orgasms. I have not had a KSMO session since last week, so tomorrow should be interesting!
My personal choice is to increase the Omega-3 dosage but not the amount of fish oil while increasing the libido effects. I have seen several people report acne outbreaks from the consumption of fish oil capsules. However, after some trial and error of opening the fish oil capsules and putting the fish oil directly on food, such as a Caesar’s Salad, the acne cleared up. It seems to have been the capsule itself causing the reaction, not the fish oil.
In my search for the perfect ratio of high Omega-3 to as little fish oil as possible, I stumbled across Triple Strength Omega-3 GOLD – 1,060 mg of Omega 3 each capsule (1000mg EPA + DHA).
I’m not even waiting to finish this bottle I have. I will be getting the Omega-3 Gold next week, and I’ll write an update on how the orgasms are coming then.
Want to buy fish oil for your libido? Here’s what you should look for:
- Concentrated fish oil – more Omega-3 in less fish oil
- Tested to be free of potentially harmful levels of mercury, heavy metals, PCB’s, dioxins, and other contaminants
- No gluten, yeast, or dairy
- Enteric coated so the capsule remains intact in the stomach but dissolves in the small intestine, which helps eliminate “fish burps”
- Odor controlled
So tomorrow will be my first go at a post-fish oil orgasm. Once the results are in, I’ll report from the field!
Aroused once again,