Arts, Activism, Awakening in Mind, Body, & Spirit

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ARTS: Become a Patron and Support My Work


Trish Causey - Become a Patron and Support My Work via http://www.Patreon.com/TrishCauseyArousedWomanBlog.com is a very popular blog, and I am so proud of that! I’ve worked very hard (and been through quite a lot!) in the past 3 years since I launched ArousedWoman and this blog.

As I’ve grown, so has this blog, and I love being able to help people. AWBlog has grown from my personal diary and attempt at online activism to a lively blog, radio show, YouTube videos, and the upcoming magazine (finally!) — all of which focus on the things that are important to me, from arts and activism, to health and fitness, and of course, sex and relationships.

All this content is time-consuming, but I LOVE IT! And keeping all these balls in the air requires hardware, software, equipment, and upgrades. This is where Patreon and you come in!

Patreon is a new platform for artists who create content on a frequent basis, and I’ve got a brand new page at www.patreon.com/TrishCausey. You’ve read my blog for a while now, probably listened to my radio show, interacted with me on Twitter and Facebook, and maybe even had one of your questions answered by me personally here on the blog, my radio show, or even YouTube.

I also record songs, voice readings, compose music, and teach lessons.

Now, you can support my work in a way that is super easy. You can choose to be a patron at $1/month, $3/month, $5/month, $10/month, or more. Check out the Rewards for each level, and just choose which one is right for you.

As a patron, you’ll be able to have special interaction with me, and the different Rewards’ levels offer various options for group hangouts, free stuff, patron-only exclusive content, first shot at new releases, and private 1-on-1 Skype sessions.

I can’t wait to count you as a patron of my work. Thank you for checking out my new page at Patreon!

trish

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Tantra Tuesday with Trish Causey: What is Tantra?


Trish Causey presents Tantra Tuesday on YouTubeIf you’ve seen my recent foray into daily YouTubing, you will have noticed that the second day of the week is now Tantra Tuesday.  You know I love Tanta, and there is SOOOOO much more to Tantra than just sex … although I love the sexy side of Tantra as well.

In this weekly series, I will talk about the history behind Tantra, its philosophies and its wisdoms for improving your life on a daily basis — yes, that includes sex.  Of course, the best orgasm secrets I keep for clients who sign up for training with me.

So check out the first installment of Tantra Tuesday, and leave a comment here and/or my YouTube page!

Enjoy!

trish

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DailyOJ 01-26-13, Part 2: The Fear of Intimacy


Lovers Tango - Aroused-Woman* Read Part 1 *

Today was a great day. So I was a bit surprised by the slight emotional breakdown I just experienced.

It wasn’t caused by my intactivism on Twitter (explaining the horrors of both male circumcision and female genital cutting), or the raucous festivities happening just outside my apartment from the day parade of the local Mardi Gras krewes. I spent some time earlier researching vitamins for healthy skin since I’ve now lost 82 pounds, but my skin is not shrinking as fast as I’d like — apparently, it can take 2 years or more for skin to retract, assuming a woman has good genes, doesn’t have any more children, and bathes in the blood of virgins… (just kidding… not sure about that last part).

I digress…

I think the breakdown may have been triggered by an impromptu conversation in the chat room of the AW Forum on the subject of emotion and sex.

Taking a break from the Twitterverse and looking for something to watch online, I remembered the amazing feelings from this morning, and the generally great feelings I’d had all day. I got a flash — a vision — in my mind’s eye about being with a partner, my Dream Man, as I call him. Not having sex, our clothes were on, in fact. I was just kissing his collarbone. And I suddenly burst into tears.

I had trouble breathing. I could feel the rush of adrenaline’s “fight or flight” rash-choice-conundrum rushing to the fore. Not prone to panic attacks, I was most concerned with why I was having this freak-out moment. Then I remembered a revelation I’d had when writing my breasts article about having never really known tenderness during sex. During the Twitter intactivism tonight, I had had to explain how friction sex can be painful — how my ex used to complain I got too wet during sex, he couldn’t get friction, so he’d pull out and use the sheet to dry me and him off and come back in to jackhammer away till he ejaculated…. The feelings that were now shaking my entire body as I cried and tried to breathe were the realization that I have no idea how to be intimate with a man.

I know about sex, sex spots, erogenous zones, positions, pressure points, hormones, and nerves. I know all about the physical connections, but I have never really made an emotional physical connection to a partner. The fact that emotion scares the hell out of most men doesn’t help the situation.

This past year I’ve been in Yin, and it’s really kicked me in my ass. I made so many realizations about myself last year that I thought (or hoped) I was done. Apparently, the Universe was saving this big whopper for right when I was least prepared to deal with yet another part of me that needs to be worked on.

Sex has never been about me, in my sexual experience. I never understood why people can just spend time kissing (isn’t that boring?) or holding hands (don’t you want me to hold something else?)… I never felt comfortable with just being with a partner. Once the sex got going, then I knew what my role was. Usually, I was the initiator, the aggressor, the one in charge. Men made it clear they were with me because they wanted to know if busty redheads were really as good in bed as they’d heard or seen in porn. They approached me with a certain expectation of what sex with me would be like, and I made sure I exceeded their expectations.

Sex in my marriage was never orgasmic for me, but then I didn’t think my pleasure was important. As a stay-at-home mother, I felt part of my duties was keeping him happy and earning my keep — sex did that while a blow job once a week prevented arguments about the bills. As I grew to detest him and the whole situation, I gained weight on purpose so he wouldn’t want me…. Just my luck — he liked fat chicks.

Now free, in control of my own life, and repairing my health and my body, I’m left with the remnants of what I’ve put myself through the past 15+ years. I look in the mirror as my body gets smaller, but so many imperfections remain. And so many imperfections dwell inside as well.

With intimacy, there isn’t exactly a projected outcome as there is with sex. The agenda of sex is lots of orgasms that lead to the climactic grande finale orgasm. Intimacy is a goal-less phenomenon, I guess, in which neither partner is in charge or at least, no one’s keeping tally on the orgasm scoreboard. Intimacy is being open emotionally to just being with a person, soft and tender… vulnerable. Without the sex techniques to keep a man enthralled, I really don’t know why a man would want to be with me… or what I have to offer…

This emotional breakdown was another wall coming down, and yet it is another bit of knowledge I will hold myself to when time for entering a relationship and finally — finally! — being able to love a man. I simply cannot allow myself to go backwards. Being in charge in the sex department is too easy. I need to allow myself to be open and vulnerable… more… yin… and that freaks me out….

Aroused and breaking through,

trish

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AskTrish: Man with Small Penis Wonders If He Can Fully Satisfy a Woman


Dear trish,

I was born in a Muslim family and had circumcision at an early age, and I think the doctor messed up or something cause I have a really small penis.  The question is — does size actually matter to fully satisfy a woman?  My gal and I have been having sex, enjoying various positions.  She says she is happy and she actually does have an orgasm most times. She also does all she can to pleasure me to the highest during foreplay and even sometimes taking control of the sex.  But, since I’m on the smaller side I want to know does size matter cos my gal hasn’t had any other partners so she doesn’t know the difference.  We are happy together, but this is a matter of curiosity and maybe to help my gal explore something better.

Anonymous, in Mangalore, India

Dear Anonymous,

Penis size is an issue that is debated in the neuroses of men, but not so much for women, in my opinion.  You actually have several issues going on here, but allow me to address circumcision first.

Routine infant male circumcision and any female circumcision is not medically necessary and should be considered sexual assault, especially since the child cannot give informed consent to the procedure.  In males, circumcision can damage the penis head as well as the shaft, not just the foreskin.  So there may be a chance that the length of your penis has been “shortened” due to a botched circumcision that left the skin too tight.  Also, some reports say infant circumcision is responsible for 60% of erectile dysfunction in adult men.  Not to get on my anti-circ soapboax, but there are methods of foreskin restoration that might help loosen the skin of the penis so that your erections might become “fuller.”

You sound young to me, perhaps in your early 20’s, and since your girlfriend has not been with anyone else, I’ll assume she is also in that age range.  The fact that she orgasms at all during penetrative sex means you’re doing something right!  Female orgasm statistics consistently show that 70% of all women have never orgasmed during penetrative sex, with that percentage being lower for women in their 20’s.  The best way to make sure your woman orgasms is to be well-versed in female sexual anatomy.  There’s more to our genitals than just the clit or the G-spot, and so many more kinds of orgasms than just clitoral or vaginal.  (Just as there are more kinds of male orgasm than just penile/ejaculatory.)

Your concern over the size of your penis — when clearly, you’re doing just fine in the bedroom — may be a result of culture and media influence. What porn and media don’t explain is that the average length of the vagina for all women, regardless of height, build, ethnicity, or childbirth, is 3 to 4 inches.  When fully aroused, the vagina can expand in length by 50% and widens at the top, so the maximum length of the vagina is around 6 inches.

As a woman, I can testify that a penis that is too long (9-inches+) can hurt!  So being on the ” short” side (5-inches or less) when fully aroused is not a bad thing.  Remember, the vagina will only be about 6 inches when fully aroused.  You just have to know what positions work best for a smaller penis, such as woman-on-top.  If I had to choose a penis size, I’d go for a fat, thick penis over a long penis any day of the week.  But since penis size isn’t something I consider when choosing a sex partner, I suppose it doesn’t really matter.

Please note, however, that in order for a woman to be truly aroused and ready for sex, she needs at least 20 minutes of “foreplay” so that her own erectile tissues can begin to fill with blood as well.  This 20 to 30 minutes of arousal-play  also allows the woman’s mind to shift from mundane issues to relaxing into a sexual mode.

As for satisfying a woman fully, regardless of penis size, I’m assuming you have fingers, a mouth, a tongue, even a big toe, all of which can be used in the physical side of sexually satisfying a woman.  However, a woman’s most important sexual organ is her mind, that non-physical field that exists in the ether around the physical cranium.  Start with her mind, then engage her body, beginning with her skin, and her breasts (if she likes breast stimulation), and sensual massage.  Allowing the woman to relax into the moment is the most important step to help a woman orgasm.

Since you say she has orgasms “most” of the time, I’m assuming you have an orgasm every  time.  The activist part of me says the sex should not be over unless both  partners have at least one orgasm.  The horny woman part of me wonders why are you even entering her vagina with your penis if you haven’t already eaten her to a few orgasms with your mouth on her genitals?!  Oral sex on the woman is an almost guaranteed orgasm technique — your mouth sucking her clit and labia with a finger or two in the vagina and/or anus drives most women to passionate madness.

***As a shameless plug, I’m in the process of developing my own orgasm training method, so be sure to check back here for updates on when it’s ready.***

Experiment with positions and techniques that you both find interesting and arousing, and just enjoy the discovery of your own bodies and your sexual preferences.  Communication should be the foundation of your relationship anyway.  Keep in mind, that sex is supposed to be enjoyable and fulfilling, not a competition or a race.  Relax, experiment, discover.  If you love the journey, the destination is bound to be wonderful.

trish

* Read more AskTrish: AskTrish Posts *

* AskTrish a question: AskTrish *


DailyOJ 12-10-11: More Breast Talk & Tantric Orgasm


December 10, 2011

(*In response to men’s take on nipple stimulation and what they like.*)

Got into an interesting debate on the difference between porn & erotica last night.  Especially in regard to how the female body is treated for the sake of men’s ogling.  Erotica is much more women-friendly than porn, especially with all the rampant crap that is available on the internet.  Female-centered erotica with real orgasms is the hallmark of IFeelMyself.com.  Every (straight / bisexual) man should watch some of that. :)

Kissing and sucking a man’s nipples is a true delight for me.  I mean, I really love it.  I do chest worship on a man — cupping the chest / pectoral muscle with my hands, massaging the skin, muscle, and nerves, while sucking the nipple — the way men like to suck female breasts.  LUV LUV LUV doing that!  But the guys I’ve tried it on said it felt weird (in a bad way) to them, or that it didn’t do anything for them.  Either they weren’t allowing themselves to enjoy it (too “feminine” perhaps?), or I had really lousy technique (which I doubt, but anything’s possible).

The treatment of the breasts is one of my main oppositions to porn.  My ex-husband once (and only once) lifted one of my breasts and dropped it like I know he’d seen in porn.  I couldn’t believe he did that!!  Or that he thought that would feel good?!!  But he’d seen it in porn, and those women “liked” it (because they were directed to react that way and they were paid to pretend to like it, moron!).  It hurt incredibly, and I felt it was horribly disrespectful to me and to my body.  (Later, he would make a comment about my breasts that cut me to my core — the kind of thing that is just not forgivable and will never be forgotten (it is etched in my soul), and I knew then he had never respected me as a woman or my body as something sacred and special.  I was a possession to him.  Wish I’d realized that a long time before then…)

And back on the topic of breastfeeding a child — Yes, some women experience a closeness to their child, but not all of us.  At least, not when you spend 45 minutes every two hours having small gums cutting your flesh as they try to feed.  Some women even orgasm while breastfeeding.  So it might be comfortable for other women, but it sure wasn’t for me.  I still have the scars.  So “rock on!” to the women who enjoy breastfeeding — I didn’t, but that was my personal experience.

As for the light flicking of a tongue across my nipples, yes that can send a “zing” down south, but I love feeling a man’s warm, wet mouth full-on sucking my breasts.  This can bring practically instant cervical / Kundalini orgasms.  Delicious!  And don’t forget — the underside of the female breast (below the nipple-areola complex) is rife with nerve endings just waiting to be stimulated by gentle caresses and nibbling and kisses!

That book, Tantric Orgasm for Women, made so much sense!  (Will write a review soon!)  As we know, the nipples are wired directly to our lady’s loins, so I truly believe the breasts are the gateway to female orgasm.  Breast worship is a lovely beginning to the main event, anyway.  Also, Tantra teaches that, in women, the upper lip is also wired directly to the clitoris, so kissing her upper lip, or letting her kiss you all over has lots of side benefits for her and for you.  (For men, the lower lip is connected to his genitals.)

I’ve noticed recently, too, that my navel is very sensitive.  In the shower, I ran my hand over my abdomen and felt a kick in my groin area.  I fingered my navel (something new for me), and felt a jolt ZAP me in the vulva.  This was totally different.  It didn’t go to the clit, or any noticeable “spot” but it was obviously directly wired somewhere down there, to the outside left of the opening to the vagina before the fleshy part of the left major labia.  I’ve tried it a few more times since then, and it always zings in that same spot to the left of the vaginal opening.  This may be another gateway — triggering things I’ve either never felt before or never noticed because I wasn’t open to new sensations.  I think this calls for more sensual massage and research.

And thanks for the info that men’s nipples seem to be wired to the perineum / anal area.  Good tip!  I have done perineal massage on myself in the past, but didn’t notice much.

In the past few weeks, I’ve noticed a bit more in the perineum, as well as the nerve endings around my anus.  Beyond adding a little pressure to the (external) perineum, I’m not sure what else to do.  I am beginning to explore the perineal sponge (inside) a bit more — really loving the initial explorations!  And with a couple fingers in my vagina playing with my She Spot, my pinky keeps finding its way to my anus.  A slippery slope (quite literally!), but I’m not ready to mix the two (vaginal & anal) yet.  I will eventually, but sometimes it already seems like so much “work”. :-)

And I really appreciate men being so willing to talk about all this from your male perspective.  You give cynical women like me a reason to hope for the male of the species.

And thank you for putting up with my bouncing around on topics.  Writing in “stream of consciousness” is my forte`, and I like to share something new when the thought arises… Now, if one of yous guys can tell me why men grab their own ass during sex, I just might be set for a while…

Aroused and zinging,
trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s Daily O.J.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


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