This training focuses on awakening sensual response, increasing sexual pleasure, reclaiming your body as yours, honoring the sacred nature of the body as a means of enlightenment, and connecting to universal consciousness.
The 6 group classes will be held on Thursday nights at 9 p.m. ET (8 p.m. CT/ 6 p.m. PT) beginning July 24, 2014. If taking the group course by yourself, the cost is $99, and it’s only $149 for couples.
Private classes can be arranged at the convenience of the participant(s). Six sessions for a Single is $589.00, and Couples will be $879.00.
This workshop will incorporate the philosophy of Tantra along with anatomy and biology, the science of orgasm, exercises, journaling, homework in between classes, with plenty of time for Q&A during the classes.
This training is holistic in nature and covers other aspects of your well-being, such as emotional happiness, fitness, nutrition, physical health, and relationships. This workshop is part of a larger project that I am developing but can’t mention to the public at this time. But SOON!
More classes will be provided in the near future, but this introductory class is required for the intermediate and advanced levels. Sexual orientation does not matter. But you MUST BE 18 to participate.
You may sign up for the Group or Private classes either as a Single or as a Couple on the ArousedWoman website.
ALL SALES ARE FINAL. Any questions should be directed to me PRIOR to purchasing any option. Use the form below.
I look forward to helping you on your journey!
- REGISTER for Tantra-based orgasm training
- Sign up for the ArousedWoman newsletter
- Take the ArousedWoman Orgasm Questionnaire
Tonight’s show of ArousedWoman Radio featured the topic of meditation, and my guest was my friend, Beverly, who practices different types of meditation.
She shared her personal experiences with Vipassana and Transcendental Meditation as well as yogic-based meditation such as a Kundalini practice. We also talked about focal point and guided meditation styles. I related my experience using bi-aural brain-wave entrainment CD’s.
Check out the replay here on AW Radio, then leave a message below telling me your experience with meditation — why it has or has not worked in your practice.
- REGISTER for Tantra-based orgasm training
- Sign up for the ArousedWoman newsletter
- Take the ArousedWoman Orgasm Questionnaire
Tantra: The Cult of Ecstasy is a large-sized paperback book originally published in Britain that covers some of the basics about Tantra, offering accurate information on this ancient, extensive, and often confusing topic. The book features full-color photographs from the Tantra sutras, connecting the reader with Tantric history. The author, Indra Sinha, focuses on the ancient paths of Tantra: the goddesses associated, sacred sites, mantras, and meditations, as well as explains the many misconceptions of Tantra as presented in the West. Sinha was a Sanskrit scholar at Cambridge and also wrote one of the popular modern translations of the infamous Kama Sutra.
The reason I like Tantra: The Cult of Ecstasy is because it touches on so many important topics of Tantra but in manageable pieces, perfectly combined with the photos and visually-friendly layout. The photographs are taken from various primary sources – the Tantra sutras, and incorporate various symbolic aspects that the ancients readily understood but may seem shocking or just weird to the modern viewer. Some of the iconography includes blood-covered goddesses, wriggling serpents, and a plethora of yoni (vulvas) and linga (penises). The book also features centuries-old Tantric drawings and paintings that depict maithuna (sexual union), so this book is “Not Safe For Work” and might be best for readers aged 21 or older.
This book touches on so many important topics in a thorough but easy-to-grasp manner that it makes a perfect beginner’s book to Tantra. I heartily recommend Tantra: The Cult of Ecstasy as a primer for Tantra: The Cult of the Feminine by Andre Van Lysebeth, Tantric Yoga and the Wisdom Goddesses by Dr. David Frawley, and Awakening Shakti: The Transformative Power of the Goddesses of Yoga by Sally Kempton. As the umbrella over all the yogas, including hatha and kundalini, Tantra is a shamanic science present in all forms of yogic practice, but the majority of Tantric gnosticism regarding sex is rarely presented at the average yoga studio while being hypersexualized in most New Age Tantric books and workshops.
Another book with a similar cover is Tools for Tantra by North Indian musician and writer Harish Johari, an excellent introduction to the yogic mandalas, Sanskrit mantras, and visual yantras used in Tantra. However, this book is a bit of a dryer read, and so Tantra: The Cult of Ecstasy is still a better opener to Tantra.
As one writer has said, a book without Tantra’s yantra is not really a book on Tantra. Therein lies the great problem with researching Tantra. It is difficult to sort through the numerous books available to ascertain which one will have the best, most reliable information. Finding a teacher versed in real Tantra is even more difficult. Tantra is a way of life, not an hour-long yoga session Monday-Wednesday-Friday, nor a collection of kinky sex positions. Tantra literally means a “tool for expansion” and is thought of as a “web”, a connected yet expanding consciousness, bridging the microcosm with the macrocosm and back again, cyclically.
The author, Sinha, writes on page 15, “The basis of all Tantrism is the worship of Sakti and Siva, the female and the male principles…. Without Sakti, there is no Siva, and no Siva without Sakti.” Sinha states emphatically in the previous paragraph, “Siva and Sakti cannot be separated.” (14-15) This very specific religious and spiritual foundation is probably the reason most Tantrism in the West has been secularized, stripping the “foreign” and non-Christian aspects to make Tantra and sexuality more palatable for sexually-repressed Americans. While I personally, do not subscribe to Sanatana Dharma (“Hinduism”), I appreciate the energies anthropomorphized as the balancing principals of Shakti or Shiva. Sinha has included the “foreign” bits and ancient spiritual practices for the Tantra newcomer.
The photographs of the ancient depictions of Tantra, her goddesses, and the sacred symbols can be jarring at first. The modern observer may find it odd to see detached penises and flying vulvas included in sacred sexuality. I will admit, that it does seem a bit “J. Alfred Prufrock’ed” at times. However, like all symbols, they are meant to jog the memory of the mind, the heart, and/or the subconscious self, not to be the whole story in and of itself.
Intriguing to some and perhaps shocking to others, Tantra: The Cult of Ecstasy helps diminish the hypersexualized celebrity of Tantra and add fact where fiction has reigned in the popular consciousness. Sinha perfectly synthesizes centuries of teachings into a helpful, 154-page book, including an impressive 9-page bibliography and index, that informs but does not overwhelm the senses. Anyone looking to dip her or his toe into the expansive waters of Tantra would do well to start with Sinha’s Tantra: The Cult of Ecstasy.
- Contact Trish for a consult
- Sign up for the ArousedWoman newsletter
- Take the ArousedWoman Orgasm Questionnaire
On Twitter tonight, I had put out a general question to see what people wanted to talk about. As many are on the last leg of the holidays and the New Year, most are taking the time to focus on how to make 2014 better than last year, and more importantly, how to be better people in 2014.
One Tweep said he is trying to be more positive and be a man of his word, amongst other wonderful intentions. I replied, “Good for you! More people should focus on being positive. It improves attitude and lowers stress by creating happy hormones.”
Then he said, “I live by my new mantra… help others!”
I loved this! When you live a life of helping others, you inevitably help yourself. It’s not about ego or attention; it’s only about being a good human.
Then, in a moment of brilliant insight, he said, “I [u]sed to say to myself ‘I’ll show them’ now I say, ‘I’ll show them… the way.'”
This is a wonderful sentiment and so in tune with a healing path. “I’ll show them” is driven by ego and competition. This has been the foundation of this imperial, patriarchal society for 2,500 years. To “show them” means to attain our own sense of self-worth usually by trampling over others in the process of “winning”. To say, “I’ll show them the way” is a spark of self-realization that you can lead while allowing others to find their path for themselves. Recognize that not everyone is going to want to go on your path, and that’s okay. You can’t control them, just love them.
This is the basic philosophy behind Tantra, after all. There is no correct way or wrong way in Tantra. Tantra is an instrument of expansion for your own growth. Expand your own consciousness and be an example to others, and allow them to pursue their own instrument toward their own awareness of their own consciousness — their path, their way.
Be the change you wish to see in the world.
Forgive me, readers, it’s been almost 4 months since my last confession…. Yes… it has been almost 4 months since my last DailyOJ post, in which I expounded upon an incredible revelation with the newest member of Trishtopia’s TeamPenis.
I held off on writing up these experiences, not because I wasn’t having any experiences (I was!), but I found out that my then-husband had discovered this blog, and since the divorce was heating up, I decided to lay low for a bit. But I AM NOW DEEEEEEEE-VORCED, y’all! WOO-HOO!!!!!! I’m FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
I was also in the planning of my radio show, ArousedWoman Radio, that started as The Trish Causey Show, but I changed it to AW — and my show has taken off like crazy! I’m so happy!! Be sure to listen to the replays on the AW website and tune in to the LIVE shows on AW’s radio page. (<== shameless plug)
And honestly, I was also pretty darn pissed off that my last DailyOJ post had been rated by 5 voters at an average of 3.5 stars (out of 5 stars)…. <insert Irish rant> …. Ya know…. I started doing the rating system so people could rate my NEWS articles and possibly my OpEd pieces. But frankly, I really don’t need anyone’s judgment on MY personal sexual and sensual experiences OR on how I relay MY PERSONAL orgasmic awakening HERE on MY FUCKING BLOG. SO if you don’t like that my journey is EMOTIONAL or INNER-expansive or ESOTERIC or just not what you were expecting this blog to be because you’re fucking deluded by the KoolAid of porn and skin mags, then DON’T JUDGE ME or my experiences or HOW I CHOOSE TO EXPRESS THEM!!!!!!!!!! Go jerk off elsewhere. Seriously.
Now…. where was I… Oh, yes….
For those of you who have followed my DailyOJ, you’ll know that I have done a mix of techniques to achieve my awakening. Some worked. Some didn’t. So I purposely did not do any techniques in the past 4 months to see how my body maintains my awakening, i.e., will I lose my various orgasmic experiences by NOT practicing. The past 5 weeks in particular, my daughter has been out of school, so I no longer have a way to do my practice as I need to — with NO ONE else here (‘cuz I’m loud :-) ).
So, did I lose my awakenings? Not exactly, but I have noticed a difference. However, with the stress of my divorce, closing out the AW Forum, starting the AW Radio show, no privacy, and just life in general, all of this probably has impacted my subtle body more than not “practicing” has. (Side note: I also tried very diligently at being vegetarian for several weeks… that didn’t work out. Sorry, my Hare Krishna friends!!)
I have also been working on designing my online orgasm training video classes that I will probably have up by September. I hope to film the video modules in August (when a specific Aussie microphone is finally available here in the U.S.). I’ve already made a meditation track to go with it, and I need to record the vocals for it. But just in the couple times I’ve done the specific meditation as I outline it in my training, the results have been very good! :-D
Note: Stay tuned here on the blog, or sign up for my newsletter to get more info on the O training.
In the midst of all of this, I began a training practice in Tantra in February with a teacher in Miami. I’ve studied Tantra for a while, but didn’t like the cheezy neo-Tantra workshops or online classes I’ve seen, so I never bothered with those. I wanted to expand my knowledge on real Tantra and have a personal teacher I could ask questions and get legit Tantra information. The truth is that I made the mistake of starting this Tantra training during this crazy, stressful time, and never actually did any of the practices. Being certified in yoga and having studied Tantra and Kundalini, I already knew a good bit of the info and the concepts — which was affirming that I was in the right place! — and I learned stuff I didn’t know, which was great.
I also didn’t do the physical practices of the Tantra training for the same reason I didn’t do the practice I had been doing that had led to my amazing orgasmic awakenings, in the first place. So then, I felt like a bad student. I felt guilty — if a voice student had not done his physical homework and then attended a voice lesson with me, I’d be pissed. It’s a lack of respect. AND he’s not getting out of it what he could. The physical practice is required for the true transformation to happen. Awakening isn’t just mind candy. You can’t attain true enlightenment by philosophizing your way through other people’s concepts. You have to get the movements into your muscle memory, get the energy of change into every cell in your body as you awaken to the changes you feel in your subtle body. This doesn’t automagically happen just because you sat your ass on a mountaintop. You gotta do the work! :-) And I knew that… and I purposely laid off the physical work… so I was just a bad student….
Thankfully, my teacher is a balanced, Tantric-Zen type of dude and much more understanding than I am. :-) He knows that life is chaotic for many people.
I’m also in what I call a chrysallis stage — that phase when the being is in a cocoon, morphing into a different existence. Last year, I embarked on a decidedly holistic path, and it’s led me here. Having this blog, relating my experiences, doing my radio show that features so many of the topics that interest me — from sex to Astral Travel, from politics to arts and culture, and so many other esoteric concepts — I really do feel whole. And this is what I wish for others. To feel that same sense of whole-ism, not feeling scattered amidst the chaos of their home life, work, raising kids, going to school, putting up a front for society’s approval. Be whole. Be you. You’ll be much happier.
And then…. just as I was rounding out this month…. my radio show is getting thousands of listeners…. my divorce finally signaled I am a FREE WOMAN!…. working on my orgasm training…. I spent the last couple of days re-doing some of my Tantra training… and then POOF! I felt my prostate come alive the way she has 2 or 3 times now, just before an incredible new level of awakening happens…. and so I’m sitting back and enjoying what I’m experiencing…. when I can sit…. sometimes, she’s so powerful, I have to dance….
More on that in Part 2!
Aroused and morphing,
And yes…. I will eventually get back to actually writing here on the blog… quite possibly tomorrow! (I JUST realized I haven’t done a DailyOJ post since the beginning of MARCH! ACK!!)
I have tried to pack lots of shows into the AW Radio schedule so you can see the wide range of topics that interest me and that I hope interest you. In less than three weeks, I’ve had 2,685 listeners tune in as I covered why American politics sucks, talked with a Broadway composer who’s premiering his new LGBT work, interviewed a Broadway Tony winner on women archetypes in theatre, as well as interviewed a Kundalini master teacher, covered “Sex and the Voice” and “Porn vs. Erotica,” along with tackling Male Sexuality and Female Sexuality, and sex…. (and did I mention, sex?… Oh… Just making sure. :-D )
This week on ArousedWoman Radio Tuesday through Saturday at 9:00 p.m. ET each night, the topics are just as diverse:
- Trish Causey Chats With Lakota Women’s Rights’ Activist Sunny Clifford
- Trish Causey Chats w/ Arlene Goldbard on Culture & Politics
- Trish Causey Discusses “When Fascism Comes to America”
- Trish Causey Hosts LIVE AskTrish on Benefits of Meditation
- Trish Causey On Female Sexual Anatomy – The Clitoris & Vulva
Listeners can call in to the show to ask a question or make a comment by dialing (347) 884-8792 (NOT toll-free), or by calling in via Skype using the BLUE SKYPE ICON on the LIVE show page. (Do NOT call me directly on Skype! :-) )
Before I started the radio show, the #1 question I got was, “What does your voice sound like?” Well, now you know!…. And now, the most common question I get is, “When are you doing another show?” THIS IS AWESOME! :-) I’m so glad people are looking forward to my shows.
But the real answer is this — I hope to have the radio show on a regular schedule of interview-type shows on Tuesdays and Thursdays with Fridays saved for AskTrish and Anatomy shows. Wednesdays have been tough for people to tune in to the live show, and doing shows on Fridays have been very popular. So I’m still tweaking the schedule. Doing 4 to 5 shows per week is a LOT of work, so I’m hoping to taper off to 3 shows per week starting in July.
So until then…. THANK YOU for listening AND reading!
If YOU have a person you’d like me to interview or a topic you’d like me to cover, please leave a comment at the end of this blog post.
To submit a question you’d like me to cover on an AskTrish show, submit your query via my AskTrish page on my website. Also, look through the AskTrish posts here on the blog to see if I’ve already covered it. If I have, feel free to write in anyway, so we can get you answered on an upcoming LIVE AskTrish radio show.
All replays are available on the website: ArousedWoman.com.
And on a side note, a few things:
- Please take my Orgasm Questionnaire (’cause I’m nosy that way!).
- Sign up for my newsletter because I’ll start doing online workshops soon!
- If you like what I’m doing, please consider making a tax-deductible donation to keep the radio show going on my AW Radio crowdfunding page. I’ve posted some nifty Rewards, so take a look. As most of you know, I’m a single mom trying to Be the Change, and I know that sometimes even $5 is a lot of money. So I greatly appreciate every dollar that you donate to the show. EVERY bit helps! :-)
- AND I uploaded a test video onto YouTube. Check it out if you haven’t seen it. (Yes, I know the resolution sucks… darn front-facing iPhone cam!)
Thank you! And I hope you’ll tune in and call in to a LIVE ArousedWoman Radio show soon!
Carolyn was trained by Yogi Bhajan and accesses Hindu archetypes, Sanskrit mantras, Aghoric references, astral and etheric travelling, soul journeying, meditation, posture, breath manipulation and encourages conscious connections to our individual strengths and un-accessed, unacknowledged powers and abilities.
Some of the topics we will cover include the following:
- Kundalini yoga and its history
- Shakti, life force energy
- Yogi Bhajan, who brought Kundalini to the West
- Kundalini syndrome
- The difference between Kundalini and Tantra
- Carolyn’s teaching method that she shares with students around the world
Tune in today at 3 p.m. ET/2 p.m. CT (and for those in the UK, that’s 8 p.m. your time). Listen online as Trish Causey Discusses Kundalini Awakening with Carolyn Cowan. International listeners can call in via Skype. Listeners in the US can call in with questions or comments at (347) 884-8792. All listeners can post in the show’s online chat room, just click the link above here.
Sadly, many people judge my book by its Jessica Rabbit cover and move on…. sniff…. (that was a joke, people… seriously!)
Well, not any more! I posted the first of what I hope will become an almost weekly event — Trish’s Rant! A little time and space carved out of the universe for me to get my Irish on and tell the world how I see it. (This probably is not for the faint of heart.)
This week’s topic is “Trish’s Womanifesto – A Treatise on Being an ArousedWoman.”
Listen to the replay, then lemme know what you think by leaving a comment at the end of this blog post.
As the host of Musical Theatre Talk, I did a LOT of shows on the voice. The one show I never got to do — because I had listeners of all ages, was a show on how the voice is affected by sex, the sounds we make and even the sounds we don’t.
On the show, “Sex & the Voice,” Master voice teacher and voice researcher Jeannette LoVetri will elucidate on the anatomy of the voice as well as what happens to the voice when making certain sounds during sex. We will also cover what can happen to the voice when we try to stifle sounds so as not to be heard by neighbors or others in our home (or elsewhere) during trysts.
We will discuss how the effects of sexual trauma can inhibit sound production during consensual sex.
Some of the topics we talked about included the following:
- Basic anatomy of larynx.
- Sound production during sex — from glottal stops to moaning to yelling in ecstasy. What is healthy for the voice? What could damage the voice?
- What happens when we purposely do NOT use the voice during pleasure? Is there any damage from stifling sound?
- The damage to the voice/throat area due to certain sex fetishes such as choking partner during orgasm.
- Using sound to raise sexual energy, such as in Tantra and Kundalini.
- How sexual trauma inhibits sound during sex/making love.
I can think of no better place to begin discussing Mind, Body, and Spirit topics than with breathing. Considering that the act of breathing is something most of us take for granted, the role of breathwork and mindful breathing can be truly transformative to your mind, your body, and your spirit.
The process of breathing is a complex coordinated effort that involves the whole torso, not just the lungs. If you follow a yogic or body awareness path, then breathing can be a full-body sport. As a voice teacher, I start all my students on ujjayi breathing, the belly breathing technique from yoga, before we sing any scales or attempt any songs. The student must begin to incorporate ujjayi breathing into their everyday life and subsequently into their singing. Phonation (sound production) is based on airflow. While vocal science research has shown that the vocal folds are responsible for controlling airflow across the vocal folds when we speak or sing, breathing is a coordinated dance of the abdominal muscles, the thoracic and pelvic diaphragms, as well as the internal and external intercostal muscles of the ribcage (to say nothing of the bronchi and alveoli inside the lungs responsible for the gas exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide).
Deep, calm breathing has many relaxing and healthful benefits mentally and somatically.
When we are under stress, nervous, or anxious, the body releases stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. An adrenal response evolved from the human body’s early days, adrenaline is great if you’re chasing a mammoth or running from a saber-tooth tiger. It’s not so great if you’re about to go on stage to recite your lines or enter a restaurant on a first date. Adrenaline floods the brain, sort of shutting down the frontal lobes, which are responsible for things like language. (Another reason being nervous before an audition or a date can leave you stumbling for words like a blithering idiot.) With the frontal cortex on coffee break, the primal brain takes over and straddles the fence in fight-or-flight mode. Deep, slow breathing can counter all of this, calming the mind and allowing the stress to be manageable so you can deal with it like a rational human and not a caveman. Breathwork allows you to focus on the task at hand or ease your pesky thoughts away if you’re trying to meditate.
Try sitting alone, with all noisy electronic devices turned OFF, and just breath deeply for 10 or 15 minutes.
Breathing is the action by which we replenish that chemical that is pertinent to our existence: oxygen. Breathing high in the chest — upper chest breathing — is a style of breathing in early English and French singing, but it is not recommended for any singing, speaking, or breathwork, in my opinion, because upper chest breathing also triggers the release of adrenaline. Breathe low in the belly, breathing down into the pelvic diaphragm. In voice, this style of breathing is called appoggio, but it is basically ujjayi breathing. I’ve been known to have students lie on the floor or sit against the wall in chair pose to feel the expansion of the back while breathing and singing. While on the floor, I have them place their binder or sheet music on their stomach so they can see when the book rises and falls and learn to associate that feeling with proper, deep abdominal expansion and contraction. A mirror is crucial to see the ribs moving outward away from the torso.
When we focus on breathing, we tend to focus on our body and our alignment, taking an inventory of how we’re doing physically. Tantra and Kundalini paths use different breathing exercises like kapala bhati and bhastrika that really, really work the body — these are powerful breath practices that require guidance from a teacher, especially if you’re engaging the body by applying “locks” at certain chakras. And in case you’re wondering, oxygen feeds orgasms!
A basic Sun Salutation is a great way to combine deep breath and body work to get the blood and oxygen flowing.
The word spirit comes from the Latin spiritus meaning “soul, vigor, breath,” derived from the word spirare which means “to breathe,” the root of both of these being spir. When we are born, the first thing we do once the umbilical cord is cut is breathe — we take in breath, we are in-spir-ed, or inspired. The last thing we do before we shake off this mortal coil is to exhale our last breath — ex-spire, or expire. In between that first inspiration and our final expiration, we take in and release breath repeatedly, or as we call it re-spir-ation, the act of respiration.
It is no coincidence to me that the lungs are located right there at the heart chakra. Whenever we are touched emotionally — in a good way or unpleasant way, we tend to either gasp, inhale quickly, or exhale in sadness or disbelief. I feel our emotions and breath are connected. Mindful breathing helps us stay rooted, grounded to the earth, when circumstances leave our mind — or our heart — reeling. Deep breathing can also lower blood pressure and slow a racing pulse.
Breathwork is absolutely fundamental to being healthy. The art of being inspired repeatedly throughout our life is as simple as breathing. When we’re overwhelmed, overly excited, can’t focus, or can’t think, deep breathing can help keep us centered and better prepared to relax into our task at hand or meditation session.
Here’s a consult I did tonight over Twitter — yes, Twitter. See! Consults are conveniently arranged via phone, Skype, or even Twitter. Sure, you can ask me a question for an AskTrish post, but it can take a while (read: months) to get an answer posted due to the number of questions I receive. To schedule a consult — especially if your question is time-sensitive, just contact me via the Consult page on my website.
NOTE: I know this client, so some info on his background, health, etc., were not covered in this Consult. In this Transcript, Twitter typos have been fixed. Permission to use was granted by the client, who is represented by Q (Querier).
Q: I have had sex with 2 women in the past 3 months. I have had problems before but moved past it. The first few times I sleep with a woman, I can’t climax, and I have a hard time staying erect. I can’t focus, and all I think about is if she is enjoying it and I just totally suck. LOL
T: You’re putting too much pressure on yourself!
Q: It has been that way since I first had sex.
T: There are tell-tale signs a woman is enjoying sex that you can look for. Read my post on “The Face of Orgasm.”
Q: I feel that way and think about her because I have a hard time staying hard. It just stays semi and like floppy, it’s bigger so it’s harder to control when not hard.
T: You need to read my blog more often. Seriously. Orgasm is NOT the same as ejaculation. You can orgasm for hours and never even get an erection. Read my rant on “Have Multiple Orgasms Already!”
A “floppy” penis is actually normal for a larger penis. Even getting hard, a larger penis may not stand at full attention and has nothing to do with your arousal level. If you’re getting anxious, that triggers adrenaline, which affects the brain, breathing, and triggers the fight-or-flight reflex, as well as releases stress hormones like cortisol.
Q: Yeah, that’s how I feel, I’m nervous the first few times. I don’t enjoy sex and can’t come close to climax. After the first 3 or 4 times, I’m good.
T: What changes by the 3rd or 4th time that you can actually enjoy sex?
Q: I think I finally get comfortable, get used to her feel, her movements, I guess.
T: How does she react those first few times? Does she say or do something that makes you feel less “manly” or just inadequate? Or does she go out of her way (or maybe overboard) to boost your ego?
Q: I have never asked. Some women don’t come back. Those that stick around like it. I just feel embarrassed, and it gets worse each time.
T: Are you drinking alcohol? On any meds, legal or otherwise?
Q: There have been times when this has happened that I had been drinking and it happened. Most times, sober.
T: Alcohol is a social norm, but terrible for sexual response! But even sober, you’ve had enough bad experience with this that you’re talking yourself into being anxious even if you’re not realizing it. Sex with a person the first time is always a little nerve-wracking. And if a woman doesn’t understand that, she’s not for you anyway.
Have you told the women up front that you’re nervous? That you focus on the woman so much you sometimes don’t climax, and that’s okay with you? As in, you are focused on HER, and not yourself. That you just want to be with her?
Q: I never have said anything.
T: Ah… Communication is paramount. This is why one-night stands and at-the-bar hook-ups can be difficult for some people. They don’t feel comfortable talking about such things. You have to talk to the woman.
I also think you should begin some yoga or meditation exercise that helps you with stress and anxiety. You don’t need alcohol or meds to help with this, IMHO. Learn to control your breathing, which actually affects your brain, hormone response, and nervousness.
Q: How do I go about starting the anxiety control?
T: Contact a yoga or meditation teacher in your area. You want to find someone who is experienced in yoga (hatha, ashtanga, tantra, kundalini) — some tradition that is REAL yoga, not New Age… especially if you seek a Tantra teacher — you need a REAL Tantra teacher, not a New Age one. The purpose of the breathing meditations is so you get into your body to control the reactions you’re having to stress…
Q: I see, I never thought of that. I will do that! So how do I go about being intimate the first time?
T: Dude, you’re jumping ahead here! You’re not ready to have sex yet.
Q: LOL I see that!
T: Of course, I teach this as well. :-) But you need a teacher that you can learn from w/o having sexual attraction to — like a man… (Not that you’re attracted to me, that’s not what I’m saying! Just that a male teacher might be better for you.)
Q: Like shadow a man you mean?
T: Learning from a male teacher will have a different energy than if you’re studying with a female (since you’re straight, the opposite would be true if you were a gay man). Since you’re doing this with the idea of great sex being the benefit, learning from a woman might trigger some of that stress.
Q: So what would I learn from him?
T: For starters, a man who’s mastered breathing and stress control would be better able to teach you how to control a penis, from the man’s perspective.
Q: Wouldn’t triggering the stress help me learn to deal with it?
Q: Well, can you help me. Even from a distance, I imagine you can.
T: If you want the male teacher, I can recommend one. And you could tell him about the sexual side of things, whereas you might feel weird talking about this with the average yoga teacher you don’t know, or talking about this with a man you’re afraid will mock you. Finding a teacher you feel completely safe with is crucial.
Q: There is a reason I came to you with this problem!! Okay, you are the master. Thank you.
T: You’re welcome. :-)
If you read my post from the other day, you know ArousedWoman is now 1 year old — and what a year it has been! I did not set out to create what ArousedWoman has become — I just followed my heart to continue my activism for myself personally and “to stir to action” and “awaken” others to the need for activism for women’s rights and other issues collectively. And poof! ArousedWoman is now arousing readers around the world.
As I review everything that’s gone on in 2012, I am re-focusing ArousedWoman for 2013 and beyond. My activism is definitely still here (sorry, men :-)), but I want to hone in on specifics to awaken people to healthy sexuality and a sex-positive outlook. Sex is not about control, or pain, or staying quiet to keep the peace in a relationship. Our sexual happiness is fundamental to our happiness as human beings, and I don’t think true happiness is possible if we’re playing manipulative games within our sexual relationships.
If you’ve read much of my blog, then you’ll know that I approach sexuality from a Tantric perspective, with leanings toward Kundalini and other ancient wisdom. With so many people trying to find their sexual identity in our 21st century soulless culture, a link to the past is a good grounding for wading through the murky flotsam and getsam of shame, fear, and guilt pervading our Puritanical society.
I think the human body is beautiful. Sex is beautiful. Orgasms are beautiful — and natural — and healthy. With that as my foundation, I am re-focusing ArousedWoman to “Awakening Sexuality in Mind, Body, and Spirit.”
Not just a sex blog, I want to help people on a myriad of levels. Sexual health begins in the mind, but vitality of the body and spirit are just as crucial to being happy sexually, and in turn, happy in your everyday life. And my dear atheist readers, don’t get scared by the word “spirit”! Spirit has nothing to do with religion (religion is an evil pyramid scheme for an elite core of men to gain and maintain their power and wealth). I may throw some good ol’ pagan sex rite stuff in here occasionally, but trust me, religion is NOT on the menu here!
Orgasm is not just a physical phenomenon but more truly an intangible response of the subtle body and the parasympathetic nervous system. I will cover some non-traditional aspects of holistic growth such as exploring dreams, meditation, breathing, stress relief, raising energy, shamanism, Tantric bodywork, bioenergetics, the brain vs. the mind, meat-based diet vs. vegetarianism, nutrition, exercise, and controversial topics such as entheogens and polyamory, to name a few.
Beginning this summer, I will be creating videos that address some of the issues and posting them on my new YouTube page. The videos will cover anatomy, nutrition, exercise, and more topics that I will also cover here in the blog. Why not sooner, you may ask? I need to get a video camera with a mic input. So until I upgrade to an iPhone or shell out some moolah for an actual digicam with a mic input, the videos will be on hold till summer-ish.
And I’m close to announcing the beta test for my orgasm training method, so be sure to sign up for my newsletter for more information on how to apply for that when the time comes.
All in all, I am profoundly grateful for all my new friends I’ve gained in the past year. It really has been amazing! Looking ahead, 2013 is destined to be even better. Stay tuned for exciting developments!
Copyright 2013 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
Back on my own during the days, I have taken to using my glass toy (which I have not yet named :-) ), along with trying a slightly different position for my legs, and getting some great results — probably helped with my breast massage regimen and breath+sound work I’ve borrowed from Tantra and Kundalini practices.
For my orgasm sessions, I begin with just laying back and relaxing, breathing normally, letting my mind let go of the thoughts that are still buzzing across my conscious self. After 10 or 15 minutes — I don’t time it, I move on when I feel ready and mind-full (of nothing!). I start the relaxation breaths, adding in the occasional “Aum.” This lasts for maybe 15 minutes.
I add in sensual massage. Usually, I’m careful not to touch my nipples or I’ll start having energy orgasms immediately. I’ve found that if I start the massage on my clit, it lessens the sensitivity on my nipples (slightly, and only temporarily), but gentle, barely-there caresses of my clit and labia are simply luscious.
I may move to my nipples (more often than not, yes, I do) for some amazing stealth orgasms, or I’ll lightly brush my fingertips across my left hip which triggers jolts of energy up my leg to my left nipple, hardening her immediately. My right hip is not as quick to react and the energy is more subtle, but my right nipple still hardens into a pucker, reaching up to a point.
Many times recently, I have stayed there — just doing the lightest touch of my skin, my nipples, clit, and the inner and outer labia. Barely brushing my fingers over my clit shaft starts full-body orgasms that have my legs coming up, my back arched, and my head back facing the pillows, and I’m left breathless. I can keep these going for a while. These kinds of orgasms are different than “traditional” or manual orgasms in that these don’t take ANY work :-), and they’re like riding clouds of energy, with energy waves hitting my body like water crashing onto the seashore. I’m energized by the orgasms rather than being worn out after my usual blended orgasms (which rock my world but are exhausting).
Pressing my fingertips into my outer labia, I can feel the thick, corded bands of the PC muscles. Barely grazing my outer labia, they feel like velvet, warm and throbbing. My fingertips barely whisper across my inner labia which are still reaching outward at this point — they will lie open soon. This touch can start labia-gasms, and I can feel the texture of the inside of the inner labia change as the bloodflow to the tissue increases.
I’m still new to the direct, purposeful stimulation of my U-spot, the erectile tissue around the urethral opening. This area is usually stimulated without intention during blended/penetrative orgasms, but I am now focusing on the U-spot to help encourage my journey into female ejaculation.
Bringing my knees up to my torso definitely shortens the vagina, and it makes using the glass dildo easier on my wrist due to its curve. This makes for a wonderful stimulation of my prostate. Since the glass toy is narrower and shorter than my purple silicone friend Sparkles, it also feels more like a directional finger than a “toy” or penis substitute. I can definitely feel the tip and side as it rubs across certain spots (yes, the female prostate has more “spots” than just the G-spot/She Spot). Moving the glass toy back and forth, curving up at the side ensures the side of the prostate are stimulated as well — and this feels delicious.
Stimulation of the prostate, and most areas inside the vagina, are not as “pin-point” as stimulating the clit, but the vagus nerve and auxiliary nerves definitely make up for it by creating a feeling of a bubbling, churning cauldron of arousal energy that is ever-building, ever-growing, expanding outward through me and upward into the torso and heart chakra.
I consciously push out when stimulating the prostate directly — contrary to what “popular” opinion says to do with the stupid Kegel exercises (which actually inhibit vaginal orgasm). I LOVE the feelings that overtake me — like I suddenly have to go to the bathroom, like my insides are about to fall out — because I know my prostate is about to hit her stride and bubble over into full-body orgasms. I push out and remind myself to breathe — sometimes I catch myself and realize I’m holding my breath. There is a fetish of choking for some few-second orgasm that is ridiculous and dangerous. Oxygen FEEDS orgasms — breathe, breathe deeply, breathe fully, taking the breath into my belly and down into my pelvis… Breathing is essential to life and to orgasms… though saying “life” followed by “orgasms” seems redundant….
The double layers of muscles that line the vagina begin to rock and roll, and I manipulate them to keep them strong — so I don’t lose my skill of giving “vaginal blowjobs” (moving the vaginal walls in such a way as to give the penis the feeling of being sucked very powerfully).
Read * Part 2 * here.
The past month has been an interesting series of experiences in my personal orgasm journey, but with the holidays, I didn’t bother writing anything down in a blog post. The orgasms have been beautiful and wondrous, even though most of the time, I was only having my “stealth O’s” via the barest touch of nipple stim and some light clit stim. With the holidays, I’ve been going to bed around 2 or 3 or 4 a.m., waking up around 9 or 10 a.m., and staying in bed having orgasms till 3 in the afternoon.
I haven’t used my purple silicone friend Sparkles in a while, so I’m craving some penetration, but the orgasms that result from the stealth touch and the every-other-day blended O’s are definitely satisfying me until I’m home alone again. In fact, since being on the “stealth O” path of Tantric and Kundalini awakening (yes, both), the penetrative orgasms are so intense, I can only handle a few, then I’m too far gone for my hands to work — my arms fly up over my head, and I spend an hour in after-O’s.
I’m not firmly on my Tantric or Kundalini path, however — still on the outskirts — on purpose. Embarking on these paths is intense and requires commitment and concentration. I am still waiting for time alone and some stress to ease before approaching a more fully active pursuit of these yogic paths.
Basically, I’m in a good place. Though it seems at times like I’m not progressing, I remember that I’m not on a schedule or deadline — there are no goals for me to accomplish… except pleasure.
Aroused and groovin’ along,
As I laid down to start the session, I wondered if I’d be able to do it. I had come down with something that felt like a cold. I felt weak and tired. My nose had alternated between runny and/or stuffy, and I was coughing. I realized then that this cold must have been starting early last week, when I had the clit debacle. My body must have, in her wisdom, been redirecting energy to my immune system. Experiencing orgasm, especially manually stimulated orgasm, takes an inordinate about of energy — chi, prana. This is why physical orgasms are exhausting while energy-based and spontaneous, Kundalini orgasms recycle and grow energy.
Not knowing what to expect, I made the conscious decision to be in non-attachment. Being tired (at 1:00 in the afternoon, no less), I wasn’t sure I could do a full session anyway. I made an agreement with my body to just experience whatever there was to experience, and I would be satisfied and content.
Similar to last session (and most sessions), I started with my nipples. But there was excruciating pain. My period is well over a week off, so why such painful sensitivity, I had no idea. I massaged the underside of my breasts to stim those nerve endings, and gently brushed my fingertips over the nipple tips, and that helped to lessen the pain. The nipple orgasms took a minute longer to achieve than their usual instant O’s, but I was glad that they were “working”…. and apparently was back in an ego mindset of “keeping tally.” I re-set my mindset to non-attachment, and my hands headed south.
Doing a simple, small, barely-there caress on my clit, these orgasms took a minute or so to get going as well. My SASO’s seemed to be on coffee break. Everything was going to take effort today … just when I’m sick and tired.
As I checked for readiness at my vaginal opening, I was almost bone dry. I’d been feeling “parched” in my throat and feared I’d be dry vaginally, too. Sure enough, I was. Thinking back, my caffeine levels were way too high compared to my water intake. Caffeine is the death of orgasm because of its vaso-constriction of blood vessels — and both men and women require healthy blood vessels for arousal and physical orgasm.
At this point, I knew I probably wouldn’t do anything with Sparkles. A little lube is always used with Sparkles, but starting out not wet and relying only on lube for moisture leads to “friction sex” and that is painful. With my immune system low and my SASO’s on vacation, I knew this would be hands-only today.
I started by creating moisture, continuing nipple O’s and clit O’s. This brought on enough fluid that I could insert my fingers to love on my prostate. As she grew with arousal and her texture changed from smooth to ridged, I started on my clit with circles. I did not wet my clit. In fact, I usually start with dry fingers on either side of my hooded clit. This allows me to get a hold on the clitoral shaft, stimulating up and down the shaft as well as across the head. (Note: Do NOT try this on a woman without her permission. I know what I’m doing and what I’m feeling. If using dry touch, definitely let the woman lead. And pay attention to her reactions!)
I didn’t even pay attention to the time. I just enjoyed whatever was there to feel and savor. All of my previous concerns melted away as I got close to orgasm — I could feel my prostate was swollen as were the clitoral vestibules squeezing in like a vice-grip on my fingers. The blended orgasm was powerful and seemed to keep going and going. I finally had to stop because I could not manipulate my hands anymore. I was exhausted. Then it happened.
I cried. Emotion had bubbled beneath the surface last time, but this was emotion that I experience only after deep-thrust, A-spot/uterine orgasms. I felt that same outpouring of happiness, sadness, joy, wishful thinking, and longing that I feel after penetrative orgasms. I’ve never actually cried after a blended orgasm, but this was a great experience.
I looked over at my toy and thought, “What’s the point?” I was incredibly satisfied so I didn’t need the penetration — the rapid finger-thrusts on my prostate had taken care of that need.
As I lay back, the after-O’s in my vagina, vulva, abs, and legs were so palpable, I had a spontaneous orgasm or two. The energy pulsated through me. I noticed I was having similar muscle spasms in my right bicep. After a minute or so of very strong muscle contractions in the bicep head, the spasms moved around my arm to the triceps, and eventually faded as the contractions in my vagina, anus, abs, and hips slowed down.
Hours later, at my desk, I felt an energy radiating outward from my vaginal opening area. If you’ve ever seen a stylized drawing of a sun, with rays beaming outward in all directions from the perimeter of the sun center, that is what this felt like. This energy kept pulsating outward, a steady rhythm from my vaginal opening center, outward toward my legs. I don’t know how long this went on, but other energy zaps and zings occurred on the outsides of my legs, scalpgasms that circumferenced my head and tickled my face, and even spasms on the bridge of my nose — didn’t think there was any muscle there — that seemed to last for over an hour. In fact, they continued when I was back at my desk later, trying to work.
Overall, this was an interesting experience that left me breathless and deeply satisfied physically and emotionally. The unexpected emotion was as welcome as the after-effects of spasms and energy zings. I’m excited to see and feel what else happens.
Aroused and non-attached,
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Outside my bedroom window, I could hear the trees branches hitting the roof, the rain pelting everything, and the wind blowing. I opened my eyes to see if we had power – we did, and I promptly snuggled down under my sheet. The steady rhythm of stormy weather and a cold, air-conditioned room combine to make a recipe that sends me off into a sensuous half-sleep, drifting over to the Other Side, but still anchored here.
After getting up and checking out the apartment and the balcony, everything looked fine. Well, for a hurricane, that is. My outdoor plants are in the middle of my livingroom, my kitchen counters are covered in water bottles and prep supplies. Thankfully, we didn’t need them. We were safe and dry. So I could go back to bed.
In bed, my mind noted the irony that this was the 7th anniversary of Katrina and the 2nd anniversary of my moving out and becoming a single mom. Moving out was, in effect, the beginning of my journey to reclaiming my identity and my sexuality. Hard to believe it had been 2 years already.
Since I wasn’t alone in the house, and my neighbors had hunkered down for the storm as well, I didn’t even attempt having orgasms… at first… some just happened — I didn’t mean to… The room was cold. Sue me.
With the rain outside and my ceiling fan spinning above me, I lay in bed with the sheet off my breasts and legs, just covering my vulva area, to keep her warm and juicy. I absentmindedly started some sensual massage, and my nipples perked right up. The areolas puckered so tight I had to rub on them, and off I went into my SASO’s. When my nipples calmed down, I did a little OM-touch on my clit, and was off again. This went on back and forth for over an hour, having SASO’s, taking a break for a few minutes then starting again.
In between sets, I checked my vaginal opening for juices. Sure enough, yep, there were juices after each set, which, for me, verifies that these are in fact productive orgasms. Not that anyone would challenge me on this point, but these O’s are so very different from regular stimulated orgasms — amazingly fulfilling, full-body orgasms, but different.
I was very wet, and I couldn’t help but spread the love all over my inner labia and clit, then a little bit further to my outer labia. My juices were warm and slick, viscous, and smelled wonderful. Enjoying the feeling of my labia, I gently massaged them with my right hand; my left hand was up behind my head from the last set of O’s. Before I knew it, I was off again! Having orgasms from stroking the inside of my right inner labia!! I have never done this nor have I ever anticipated orgasms from such a seemingly innocuous area. I kept stroking gently and rolling the lip edge with my fingertips throughout the O’s, until my hand had to go up over my head as well…. Dammit.
A little later, I tried stimulating the U-Spot to help trigger an orgasm there, but I wasn’t feeling it… so I thought…
With the juices flowing and my vagina in YES! mode, I had to slip a couple fingers in. I smiled because I love the vastly different temperatures between the cold room, my hot skin, and my warm wet vagina. She truly is awesome. I stroked my prostate, but just to notice the textures, not to lead anywhere. My right hand came out as my left hand slipped in. I know it’s serious when my left hand wants in. I would more than likely be very busy for the next 10 minutes or so. And sure enough, with minds of their own, my hands conjured a delicious, complex blended orgasm or series of orgasms that seemed to last longer than they usually do. My mind has become so observationist on what is happening in my body, I try to notice every nuance that is happening both inside my vagina — the vaginal walls, the juices, my moving She Spot, the texture of my prostate, the clenching of the inner clitoral bulb, as well as with my outer clit as she begins to hide so close to orgasm.
This blended orgasm was truly wonderful — so much so, I actually made noise, which I don’t normally do with hands-on O’s. I tend to associate noise-making with the penetrative thrust action and A-Spot reach of my toy. I kept the orgasms going as long as my hands could function, but even they needed to heed the call of the Great Orgasm God/dess and fly up over my head as my back arched and my legs kicked — also something I don’t normally do with hands-on O’s… the Kundalini responses are usually the realm of the SASO’s. Hmmmm… makes me wonder what’s going on… and why am I not doing hands-on blended O’s anymore? These are awesome. Will definitely pencil them in my next session.
Then the unexpected happened. I felt this welling up of emotion, like I was about to cry. I was just at the verge of actually crying, felt the tears, the sudden intake of breath, but I was so shocked by the need to cry that I think I stifled it unintentionally. I lay there for a minute. I felt the need to cry again, but I was so aware of it, the crying melted away.
I began to focus on my body and the after-O’s happening in my genitals. My hips were still moving, my legs were beginning to calm down, and I was thoroughly sated. Better yet, I was happy. And the room was cold. My nipples were getting tight again, and all I could think was that it was a great start to another year as a free, whole orgasmic woman.
Aroused and happy,
Copyright 2012 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
It’s been said that every woman fakes orgasms at some point. Well, I’m here to tell you I never did. Never. I never had an orgasm during partnered sex, and I sure wasn’t going to fake it. I made sure the guy knew I wasn’t seeing god, or cosmic rainbows, or magickal unicorns just because his penis was inside me. He could deal with his ego later.
Recently, I read a particular, highly recommended book on cunnilingus but had a difficult time finishing it. The anatomic information was mostly good, but the male writer’s anecdotes about female orgasm were peppered with sexist, rude, even misogynist remarks I simply could not overlook. Having admitted that he was bad at sex and suffered with erectile issues, the author made the egregious comment that screamers and women who throw their heads back are “obvious” orgasm fakers.
I wanted to throw the book across the room, but unfortunately, I was at a restaurant. (Yes, I read sex books while eating… lunch.)
Women are complex creatures and are, thusly, capable of complex, varied types of orgasms. It only makes sense that the body and the face would have different corresponding reactions. Yes, I said body. Were you only watching her face?
For a traditional clitoral orgasm, the orgasm is localized to the clit/genital area. The woman’s torso will most likely crunch forward. The hips/pelvis will tuck or raise up off the bed. Her face will similarly be “crunched” into a look she wouldn’t really want to make otherwise: furrowed brow, gritting the teeth, even jutting the jaw forward. (I could go into my theory on why this is but I would have to bore you with vocal science and the pedagogy of phonation.)
A vaginal/She Spot orgasm tends to be a full-body wave type of orgasm that washes over the body but lacks the explosion of the clitoral orgasm. The woman’s mouth will be open, the jaw down and back, and she may moan differently because of it. Her head may tilt backward, and she may even arch her back. Please note the vagina has numerous spots capable of various kinds of pleasure and responses.
A blended orgasm that stems from both clitoral and vaginal/She Spot simulation is one of the most sought after orgasms because of its full-body wave effect coupled with the clit explosion. This orgasm can induce both crunching forward and wild hip motions, plus arching backward, head back, and delicious moaning.
Other types of orgasms include nipple O’s, cervical O’s, orgasms of the P-spot, the K-spot, the perineal sponge, urethral/urination orgasms, anal O’s, and anywhere else on the body that she is super sensitive to touch.
Of all the physically-based orgasms, the most intense, for me, personally, is the uterine orgasm. The uterine orgasm is brought on by stimulation of the cervix and A-Spot, coincidentally stimulating the prostate/She Spot at the same time. This results in a compulsory doubling over and emotional outburst — a true gut-wrenching thrashing usually accompanied by uncontrollable crying. Not pretty crying either. So the face of this orgasm is kind of like a nervous breakdown — a bit unnerving for onlookers but soul-shatteringly amazing to experience.
These signs are for physically-based orgasms that most people can do without much effort. Use plenty of lube, work the spots, communicate — not very difficult. However, energy-based orgasms cause the body to twist and contort in ways unimaginable.
Kundalini orgasms are known for inducing a sharp, sudden, involuntary arching of the back, in both women and men. While some men consider arching the back to be a “woman’s” type of orgasm, I like to think of this phenomenon as a “human being’s” orgasmic response. For Kundalini orgasms, the mouth may be wide open, deep moans being heard, while the head is bent so far back, you might think the woman is going into a gymnast’s backbend. All of this is involuntary. (And pretty frickin’ incredible!)
So what is the face of a woman who is having real orgasms? Not something she’d want posted in the church’s Sunday bulletin, that’s for sure. If the woman can, in any way, be considered to look “pretty,” she’s not having a real orgasm.
If she is crunching forward and her face looks as if she is somewhere between “really pissed off” and “warrior queen about to rip your limbs from your body,” then she’s probably having a real orgasm. If her head is back, her mouth open, and her brow slightly to fully furrowed, that’s a great sign of a real orgasm as well. When her arms fly up over her head, don’t be offended! This doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to hold on to you. Especially if her hands wind up behind her head, this is a great sign of a deep, powerful orgasm. (If you’ve read my DailyOJ, you know I can vouch for this effect.)
Her eyes may be open during clitoral orgasms, but for most other types of orgasms, her eyes will probably be closed. For myself, I’ve noticed my eyes shoot open at the onset of blended orgasms but then immediately close again through the rest of the climax/multiple orgasms. For Kundalini orgasms, my eyes are closed, head is all the way back, hands fly up over my head, and my body rocks-and-rolls side to side while my knees come up, then my legs kick out over and over again. (Just sayin’.)
You decide: Which one is faking and which one is real?
Along with the facial contortions or the gaping jaw and arching back, her skin will become flush due to increased blood flow, her nipples may be so perky they’re reaching for the ceiling, and her hips (hell, most of her body) will be moving involuntarily. For energy orgasms, she will probably be rockin’-and-rollin’ side to side with extra contractions and rolling through her abdominals, not just crunching forward or arching backward as during physical orgasms.
If she can speak in complete sentences, or is constantly reassuring your ego, she might be faking for your benefit. If her words are incoherent and grabbing at you is her only primal form of communication, then you might be on the right track — to helping her orgasm.
More importantly, don’t be so visual. This isn’t porn. This is a real, live woman. You need to feel her reactions. When a woman is close to orgasm, especially if any clitoral stimulation has been done, the clitoral bulbs that form a “horseshoe” over and around the vaginal opening expand with blood flow, just as the penis expands with blood flow during arousal. This feels like a vice-grip clamping down on your penis.
(Side note: My asshole ex-husband used to tell me he didn’t like the vice-grip feeling because it made him start to lose his erection… so that’s probably why I never orgasmed with him.)
Remember, guys. You cannot “make” a woman orgasm. Orgasm begins and ends in the woman’s mind — not just her brain. Stimulate her mind first and the body will follow suit. In fact, the face and body will tell you everything if your sexual relationship is rooted in honest communication.
What does your face look like in orgasm? Send me a picture, and I just might post it!
My Musical Theatre training is probably to blame.
I need even less stim than ever, ironically — one or two flicks of a fingertip, and the orgasms start. They are full-body and oddly satisfying, but my back isn’t arching as much — I can’t even feel my cervix dipping down anymore, or it’s too subtle to notice. The orgasms flow through my body rather than “hit” my body or “explode.” And the ceiling fan is no longer a potential mate.
Whenever a new development occurs, it is usually startlingly noticeable. So very different, so impactful that I have to notice the new reactions my body is having. Then after a month or two, the initial effects fade, or become integrated, and I have to re-learn my body all over again.
But I don’t like starting all over again… okay, it’s not starting “all” over again, but it seems that way. As soon as I learn how to drive this thing, it adds another gear I have to learn to maneuver. In fact, when I occasionally go back and read what I’ve written, I remember the experiences in the post vividly, but it feels like they happened so long ago, that it couldn’t have been just a few weeks ago?!
The couple of times I’ve had the opportunity to use my purple friend (vibe sans batteries) — a couple weeks ago and this morning, a plethora of neighbors has been home in the adjacent apartments. I am now more convinced than ever that SOUND is crucial to bliss. The arousal isn’t as satisfying when I can’t make my loud sounds — not intentionally loud, but just my natural exclamations during the arousal and orgasmic process. And when I can’t be as loud during the orgasms, the orgasms are not as full-filling. They don’t fill up my body. Because my focus is on my body (my voice) remaining inside/ internal (i.e., quiet), the orgasms are localized to the genital and lower abs area but they are not explosive, they are full body wave-like, minus the full body aspect. And they’re not as emotional. So really, I am very annoyed right now.
That being said, I did a hands-on blended O early yesterday morning that was stunning. I haven’t been spending quality time with my prostate like she deserves… seems I’ve been all over these nipple/spontaneous orgasms for the past month, and now that they’re seeming to fade in intensity, my prostate is reminding me she likes to be loved on, too.
Since I can’t be loud much anyway, this is causing me to wonder if I should put my purple friend aside for a while. My initial reaction is a horrified, “NO!” The deep thrusts hitting the AFE/A-spot is the only thing that brings on the crying/uterine orgasms… though… oddly enough, the nipple/OM orgasms have been inducing tears and a softer emotional pull (rather than the deep/core emotional response). And I can keep them going for a while — for as long as I feel like playing with my nipples or my clit. (I’ll alternate so nobody gets sore.) The whole time I feel this swirling of energy in my torso, pushing outward, sometimes upward like it wants to come out my throat/voice, but vocalizations during these kinds of orgasms are more glottal stops rather than moans — I might see if I can specifically direct that energy next time (tonight!).
And while I’m at it, I’ll just mention that I’ve had the strangest, spontaneous shooting of energy down my left leg. It happens while I’m at my desk, especially if I’ve had a scalpgasm. The energy going down is a new one for me. Since starting Kundalini work, I’ve tried to focus on energy going up the spine and down the front. These scalpgasms go around the back of my head, up, then down my neck to my back. Very different for me. Also, when I’m in bed, I will barely brush my fingernail over my left hip flexor, and the entire skin area of my left leg zings with energy — feels like a million little ants are crawling on my leg at once, only it’s not creepy like that. :) It feels tingly fabulous. (I’m getting tingles across the back of my head, and down my arms and legs just proof-reading this!)
All of this leads me to think that I’m in a down-swing, or at least in a phase of integration. The bad news is my Irish impatience is gonna get really frustrated with all this… again… I thought I was finally learning how to Yin, but this is bringing the Yang to the fore like crazy. The goal-oriented, severely attached to the outcome part of me that I had been able to subside is raising doubts, disappointments, insecurity, and fear. I don’t like this one bit.
The good news is that every time there’s been a valley, the next peak has been breathtakingly amazing. So I’m trying to keep the Irish/Yang in check for the next five weeks. We’ll see if I feel more freedom as school starts, and I’m alone during the days again.
Guess, I’ll need to stock up on potstickers till August 7th.
Aroused and integrating,
So to fill in… As I wrote in the DailyOJ for 05-21-12, that was a KSMO day, and it was grande! Today was also my only session this week (or since!). My schedule has been totally weird, as you’ll soon read.
After a 2 month break from KSMO, I had returned to the 20-minute protocol about twice per week, trying to get in as many practices and my usual loud solo sex sessions as I could before I was no longer home by myself during the days. (School would soon be out for summer, but with my daughter on a week-long trip, I had the house to myself 24/7!!)
Since beginning with stealth clit explorations, I have incorporated this soft clit touch into my regular practice… To splendiferous effect!
So back to this week’s experiences…
Today, I began the 20-minute session. A few sounds into it, I decided to use the soft clit touch for my caress — thinking it’s such a small, barely there touch, it’s okay because it’s not “stimulating” in the usual sense. Man, was I wrong! After 2 soft flicks of my clit, I full body orgasmed during my session. I didn’t mean to, honest! Having an orgasm during the practice is not the intent of re-wiring. (Orgasms are for actual solo/partner sex.) These soft and slow methods seem to re-wire the body on a much deeper level than the superficial jerking/frigging off the genitals way most people learn to masturbate (and then bring into their partnered sex life).
But without warning or intention, I did orgasm. I had a full-body O right then at the beginning of the session, all head-thrown-back, spine-arched, toes-curled, Kundalini style. I finished the session (had about 18 minutes left), and then did my solo thang. (Which was amazing.)
Since then — all week, I have experienced spontaneous O’s at all times of the day, evening, night. I can think, “That was a great orgasm earlier,” and BOOM! A full-body orgasm hits. And often, I don’t even have to think that — it just happens.
The slightest brush of my nipples — I mean, not really touching, the barest of bare caresses with the tips of my fingertips — and I’m in kundalini O’s…. okay… I’m higher griping… but thank the gods I work from home. These deskgasms are too good to pass up.
My body is so re-wired now that she is hyper-sensitive to even the air going across from the ceiling fan. Orgasms spontaneously erupt. I even started having these full-body O’s from the fan’s air current across my breasts. I have been staying in bed till 1 and 2 in the afternoon enjoying this. And I can keep it going for hours. The feelings are indescribable. (But I’ll try.)
The orgasms are like a rush of an energy wave through my body — not exactly starting in my feet or my genitals, it happens so fast and is so thorough, I practically feel it everywhere at once, but the waves keep hitting and expanding outward in all directions. My lower abs have been going crazy during these orgasms — though my only ab work is during sex. :) The puckering in my areolas is so strong, my nipples feel like they’re pulling my body up off the bed. My body is contorted in all directions — no,this doesn’t hurt. :) Feels incredible, actually.
As I’ve explained in other blog post(s), it’s not the same as orgasms that are hands-on the genitals — these are different, but oh, so powerful! And talk about “less” stimulation needed — try practically NONE! I am SO glad I threw my vibrator in the dumpster. I would have never experienced any of this while my body was deadened to the media/porn culture’s lies about needing vibration for “better,” “stronger” orgasms. Bullshit! (I encourage every woman to put the vibe down, and go off the battery band wagon!)
What’s “disturbed” me in yet another “higher gripe” way is that when I enter my vagina to stimulate my prostate — which has all the bells and whistles of arousal going, I don’t stay there. WHAT?! I know! ME?! NOT playing in Prostate Town?
I’ve been going back to the 1 or 2 barely there clit strokes or letting the air on my breasts, and the O’s hit. However many I want in succession. And I feel satisfied. I don’t need to go for an all-hands-on-deck sporting event. (Though, those ARE fun!) Feeling “satisfied” is not a feeling I have much experience with sexually or in life — I have always had yearnings of bigger, better things. Feeling “satisfaction” is new and yet profound of many levels.
In talking with Jack, I asked him “Okay, so, what do I do now?”
Essentially, he said I was now an “Adept.” (No, the title does not come with a gold watch.) But I am now completely free to explore the energy and sensations as I choose — which is good because I kind of always did what I wanted to anyway. I know — what a shock.
I was concerned because these O’s I’m having don’t have the hot/explosion that others describe — the Big Bang I experience happens very suddenly and very strong and is “blunt” not “sharp” as I associate the other Adepts’ big orgasms. Mine are powerful, but it feels like I own the power. Even as I am learning about my body’s orgasmic capabilities and even though I’m in the non-attachment mindset, I am in control. It’s not like I’m at its mercy. Which I think was my fear last Fall when my prostate awakened, and it was SO very powerful it kind of freaked me out. Being totally willing to die in orgasm kinda resets your priorities — especially as a parent.
Jack suggested I just breathe and in-joy. (He likes to re-interpret words we use every day so we see them in a new light… It’s pretty cool, actually.) He also mentioned that I might allow more of the inner quiet to resonate — to see what I can learn from it. I am so much better now about not letting the mind noise interfere. I can tell it is making a difference to let my body lead the experience — like when I kept stopping stimulation during a solo session, and I have no idea why, but the results were astounding, so I’ve kept that bit in my “routine.”
* Read Part 2 here. *
Aroused and spontaneously combusting,
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KSMO is a practice I used to do. I no longer do KSMO and haven’t done it in over a year.
I have since focused my orgasmic process on a Tantric and Kundalini practice, and I am creating my own orgasm training program based on these ancient methodologies combined with modern findings in sexuality and several metaphysical modalities.