Arts, Activism, Awakening in Mind, Body, & Spirit

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AskTrish: Man Inquires If Menopause Means the End of Sex for Women


woman-nude-breast*NOTE*:  This question was asked of me on a yoga forum.  I have included my original response as well as some extra info here.

Trish,

Is menopause the wilting stage for women?

HELL NO!!!!!

Menopause is a WONDERFUL time for women sexually!  It’s the first time in a woman’s life that she can have true sexual freedom, knowing she can have as much sex as she wants and she can’t get pregnant.  Menopause is FREEING for women!  (Of course, safe sex measures should still be practiced to prevent sexually transmitted diseases.)

If a woman monitors her health, especially her hormones, women can enjoy sex right up till the day they die.  Hell, orgasm would be a great way to die! :-)  Just slip right on over to the Other Side since you’re already there anyway.

We enter the physical body for a reason — to have physical experiences.  One of the most joyous physical experiences is the sexual experience, whether partnered or solo.  As someone of Gaelic (Scotch-Irish) descent, I follow the path of my ancestors — we are spirit beings here to have physical experiences while maintaining our connection to the spiritual side.  So I’m enjoying the ride as much as I can.  :-)

* EXTRA*:  Use of synthetic hormones, i.e., synthetic Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), is now associated with increased risks of cancer in women.  Some women prefer using plant-based progesterone, which is a pre-cursor to both estrogen and testosterone.  Testosterone is required for a healthy libido in both men and women.  Too much estrogen is not good for either men or women.

Avoid getting extra estrogen from your food, such as unfermented soy which pervades the American food supply and is very high phytoestrogens.  Unfermented soy products include soy milk, soy baby formula, vegetable oil (soy/soybean), soy yogurt, soy cheese, soy creamer, soy ice cream, tofu — and any product made from tofu, etc.  Fermented soy products can be beneficial (as are all fermented foods), such as tempeh, miso, and tamari (real soy sauce).

Being healthy overall is required for a healthy vagina (or male prostate).  Get adequate amounts of vitamins and minerals from your foods and/or quality supplements, plus healthy saturated fats, Omega-3’s, etc., and stay AWAY from processed foods.  Buy organic, locally-grown food whenever you can.  Eat seasonally-grown foods.  Be able to source all your ingredients.  While on the course of improving your health, if you don’t make it from scratch, don’t eat it.

Being healthy will help minimize the symptoms of PMS and menopause — and YES, men do have hormonal fluctuations each month and later in life when their libido may drop due to declining health or bad dietary habits.  That is, men should be able to get and maintain erections whenever they want, regardless of age.  Erections are a direct result of a man’s health.

One of the side effects of menopause is vaginal dryness, or not making as much natural lubrication as a woman used to.  In fact, women can experience vaginal dryness at any age, especially if she ingests a lot of caffeine or other dehydrating substance, but a lessening in the production of vaginal juices can be common from the age of 40 onward.  Regardless of age, the vagina will let you know when she is lubricated enough for penetration.  Do NOT confuse a woman being aroused for sex with her vagina being ready for sex.  (Yes, men, this takes 15 to 30 minutes of “foreplay”.  Get over it.)

To avoid vaginal dryness and lack of libido, drink plenty of water each day — an ounce of water per pound of body weight.  Eat lots of veggies — I love my Franken-Salad.  Also, eat lean protein and complex carbs.  Whether or not you’re gluen-free, vegetables actually have lots of carbohydrates in them.  Eat healthy saturated fats such as macadamia nuts or other nuts, and get plenty of Omega-3’s from eggs, fish oil, and/or chia seeds.  Cacao (dark chocolate) is also great for boosting libido.

Menopause is NO reason to stop feeling sexy!  Use nutrition to supply your brain and body with peak quantities of the nutrients they need to function, with plenty left over for extracurricular fun-ctions like sex and orgasm.  Moderate exercise, such as walking, yoga, or dancing, is always great for maintaining a steady supply of the body’s happy hormones as well as keeping the muscles toned and ligaments and tendons flexible for interesting sex positions.  Don’t forget — sex is exercise, too!

Needing a little extra help with lubrication or libido is normal at any time in a woman’s (or man’s) life, especially if she’s (he’s) under a lot of stress.  However, there’s no reason to let your sex life go the way of the dinosaurs when a few changes in your nutrition, daily habits, and health can turn it all around.

No sex because of menopause?  Ha!  Sexual freedom, here we cum!

trish

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DailyOJ 03-01-13, Part 2: New Toy Brings a Clear Vision


Copyright 2013 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.

Cernunnos-blue-face-hands-edited*Read Part 1.*

The fourth time with the new toy was a mixed, weird, confusing experience.  Suffice it to say, this guy requires lube — lots of lube.  I had already done a blended orgasm with my new glass toy (more on that later) to prime my vaginal opening, get the juices flowing, start stretching the vaginal muscles inside, etc.  As before, the head took a couple of tries to fully enter, and as the head/corona passed my prostate, I felt a slight sting, but it wasn’t as bad as the first few times.  I thought, “Great, I’m adjusting to him.”  Then feeling the shaft enter, I was breathless again at the feeling of being so very filled and stretched.

Since I’d started my session early, around 10:30 a.m., I felt no rush to finish with Bob.  In fact, over the next couple of hours, I would do a round of sliding him in and out slowly for about 15 minutes, then pull him out, and relax in a blissful stupor for another 20 to 30 minutes, having nipple orgasms, sheet orgasms, clit and spontaneous O’s, then I’d reach for Bob again for another slow and easy go of it.

Each time, I did not bring myself to climax with Bob, just enjoyed the orgasms from the slow and steady pace and the occasional hard and fast thrusting and pulling out to float in that bliss for a while, then starting it all over again.

Around 2 p.m., I began again, knowing I was wet from the other orgasms, I didn’t lube Bob this time.  I noticed, he wasn’t moving as smoothly as he had before.  I needed some lube.  Then Stupid Me showed up and totally screwed this whole experience up.  The feelings in my vagina were the same as when I endured friction sex while married.  Though my ex-Asshole isn’t nearly this wide, he hated me getting too wet.  This dry, friction feeling was then “familiar,” and being a little lazy, I thought I’d just put up with it because I really wanted the great orgasms I’d had the other few times with this toy.

Every time Smart Me said, “Man, I need lube,” Stupid Me overruled that inner voice with, “You put up with it when you were married, put up with it now and finish.”  As the friction got to be too much, Smart Me won the debate, and I put a little bit of lube on the toy and re-inserted.  I felt immediate stinging, more stinging, then being filled by the shaft, and then a surge of heat — not in a good way.  I continued on, now that he was properly lubed, imagining my Dream Man, and long story short, I finished.  Yes, the orgasm was great… but it was… weird… but it was beautiful… but weird.

I felt a strange emotion — yes, I cried, but there was something else.  During that last bit, I had a realization of just what this toy represented for me.  The images and feelings conjured during this session were so intensely powerful, I instantly knew who he was.  The experience had become emotional during the session, and now, afterward, I wanted to give him a name, a sacred name.  And I did.  And I cried some more.  I lay there for a while in my reverie, feeling a new awareness of completeness.

Knowing I needed to get up, I realized my fingers felt a bit strange, so I looked at them.  My hands were covered in blood.  I wasn’t on my period.   I looked at the toy, and he was bloody, too.  I got up and went to the bathroom and opened my legs up to the full-length mirror.  My labia and thighs were bloody, and I had an immediate flashback to when I was raped at 21, after which I bled for 4 days.  I remembered a couple other times I bled a little after friction sex.

As it so happened with this fourth time with this toy, I bled that night and the next day, but that was it.  I have not noticed any blood or change in vaginal discharge.  I never felt any pain, aside from the uncomfortableness in the moment of the “friction sex” before I re-lubed the toy.

In fact, in the couple days since, today now being 03-03-13, I have enjoyed all my usual orgasms and my new gentle-touch prostate orgasms.  Everything is functioning perfectly.

Which leads me to an esoteric interpretation… In the very emotional moments of that last part of the session, I had a very clear vision of my Dream Man.  He was absolutely clear to me.  He is a feeling and an energy.  I knew him so well, I called him a sacred name for the very first time, and I subsequently bestowed that name on the toy who is his physical representation for me.

Blood has a life force.  Blood used to be an important part of rituals and taking oaths.  To this day, Christians symbolically ingest the blood of Jesus when they participate in the ritualized cannibalistic practice of Communion/Eucharist.  As a pagan witch, considering who and what this energy/feeling began to represent — my Dream Man, I’m not surprised that blood would have manifested as a sort of initiation with this new, clear vision — a consummation, as it were.

And yes, I know I sound crazy — I’m an artist, I always sound a bit crazy.  Most people are so keyed in to the physical side of sex or climax, they miss subtleties of energy or awakenings that may be present.  This vision I saw is no different than imagining a scene in one’s mind to help the arousal process along, but the difference here is that he appeared to me, and I knew him instantly.

Esoteric interpretations aside, I will have to see how using “Bob” (no, that’s not his sacred name!) goes tomorrow or the next day.  I did not bleed the other 3 times, so I’m hoping that with plenty of lube, Bob and I will be hunky-dorey in our future rendezvous sessions.

Seriously, though, this experience was powerful for me, and though the blood had me a bit worried for that day, I’m hoping it was just a fluke… or an initiation.

Aroused and pondering the possibilities,

trish

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DailyOJ 01-26-13, Part 1: Morning Arousal & Orgasm Diet Regimen


woman-fingering-clit-mons-pubis-editedThis morning, I awoke knowing that I’d been dreaming, with a vague recollection of the dream, who was there, and that it didn’t seem to be a dream I needed to remember.  I started to roll over from my side to my back. As I did, my legs opened up, and I instantly felt the throbbing sensation of arousal, and I knew I was really, really wet.  I’ve had some issues with being wet — or lack thereof — fearing that now that I’m 40, it’s all down hill, and thinking back to my younger days when I was so wet, my ex used to complain I’d get too wet during sex.

Using a couple of fingers to feel what was going on, my outer labia were swollen, hot velvet, and my inner labia were thick and hot and wet, just as they are after a series of delicious orgasms… maybe I orgasmed while sleeping (wouldn’t be the first time)… though I don’t know why I would have — the dream was in no way sexy or sexual.  Smearing the juices all over my clit and labia felt amazing, and I thought, “What did I do?!”

Last night, I had my nipple-gasms and my stealth clit-gasms but nothing penetrative or even too hands-on.  All touch was light, barely brushing-the-skin caresses, gliding my fingers across my skin.  And I drifted off to sleep on a cloud of full-body orgasms that left me feeling light and floating, as opposed to feeling tired the way manually “worked for” orgasms can drain energy.

Then I thought about what I had eaten yesterday.  I thought, “That must be it!” Just going over in my head what I ate and drank, I could see that I had had more Omega 3-rich foods and remembered this same super-wet phenomenon had happened before when I went “over” what the “experts” say should be consumed in one day.

No one really knows what is too much, but someone somewhere decided 2,000 mg was enough.  I need at least 4,000 mg per day.

My food consumption for yesterday was as follows:

  • Breakfast – 1 cup almond milk with 1 tablespoon chia seed (which has 1,250 mg Omega 3), a couple small pieces of turkey sausage cooked in organic coconut oil, and 4 scrambled (cage-free) eggs (250 mg Omega 3 each) cooked in butter.
  • Lunch – vegetarian fare at the Hare Krishna restaurant: 1 cup of an amazing dahl (soup), 2 cabbage pakoras, an oatmeal cookie, and tea (brewed with cinnamon, clove, and something floral).
  • Dinner – sweet potato candied in butter with a dash of sea salt (OMG delicious!), 3 potstickers cooked in grapeseed oil, and sauteed organic Romaine, with my super awesome dipping sauce.
  • Other – I drink about a gallon of water each day, and yes, I had some Diet Coke. While at the computer, I ate some bittersweet Ghiradelli chocolate chips, and throughout the day, I took 4 of my fish oil capsules which have 1,060 mg Omega 3 each.  And of course, I went out walking a few times to get my Vitamin D.

So, all totaled — 1 T chia seed, 4 eggs, and 4 fish oils = 6,490 mg just in Omega 3, and that doesn’t include the Omegas of the grapeseed oil, coconut oil, chocolate, and anything else I had. My food was mostly vegetarian.  The water I drink is tap water, but I always drink it cold over ice — I’m not a hot-beverage person.  (Side note:  I recently realized I have an ice fetish… must be an Irish thing…)

Clearly, Omega 3’s, chocolate, and water are the key to being super wet — for me, anyway.

Feeling how super wet I was, I just played in the juices for a while.  They felt wonderful. I made a mental note not to allow stress to deter me from paying attention to my health anymore.  Some days, I get so annoyed with things I want to pull my hair out, and I forget to take my fish oil or I don’t drink enough water — then I wonder why I’m not as wet as I used to be….  Being 40 doesn’t have to mean being a dried up ol’ prune! My vagina’s hydration level is most definitely related to my hormone levels and my water intake (since vaginal fluid is derived from blood plasma).

Needless to say, I definitely decided to have a morning O session — both hands on and alternately in, and it was spectacular! With the other sessions I’d had this week with the glass toy, my hands were ready for an old fashioned blended-O series of orgasms. It really, truly was amazing.  I was breathless and speechless and in awe.  The lava flow was incredible.

Afterward, I just lay there, exhausted but exhilarated, no crying (but that was perfectly fine), with my hands on my torso, my arms supporting my breasts. I felt this strong throbbing, as if my heart were beating out of my chest.  I looked down to see it was my right breast — she felt as if I had another heart inside the breast herself because I could feel my breast “beating” against my arm.  Weird but cool.  But weird.

That faded, but it was a long while until the after-O’s calmed down.  And I was still so very wet…

I stayed in bed for a while, then heard the crowds setting up for the Mardi Gras parade, so I decided to get up and get my caffeine before the parade stared.  I went about my day, and it was a great day…

Until…

* Read Part 2 *

trish

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Anatomy: Penis Size: Measuring Up to Your Woman’s Sex Toy


Glass Dildo on BreastLet’s dispel any “polite society” myths right now.  Women have sex toys.  We love them.  Straight and bisexual women love penises, too.

While most men know how long they are, a lot of men don’t seem to know how wide they are.  This is a shame since most women prefer width over length.  Many men may not realize that when women shop for sex toys, width is an important consideration.  In fact, many women buy sex toys based more on the width than the length.

A toy that is penis-shaped and 1 1/4″ wide would not be considered by most experienced women shoppers; whereas, a 2″ wide penis-shaped toy might be about as wide as a woman wants to go.  My personal toy preference is between 1-5/8″ and 1-3/4″ wide because it’s easier to handle and doesn’t wear out my wrist.

On a side note, sex toys designed to stimulate the female prostate are oftentimes more narrow and more curved than the usual dildo.  For prostate stimulation, and especially for female ejaculation, wider is not usually better.

When it comes to sex, size really does matter because too long or too wide can hurt the woman.  Better to ask up front what size toy your woman likes to use and see how you measure up to what she prefers.  This gives you an idea how compatible you two will be physically.  For instance, if her favorite toy is 1.5″ wide and you’re 1.75″ wide, you know ahead of time that extra lube and extended yoni worship may be required before insertion.  (Note: If you’re too shy to ask her about her sex toy, maybe you shouldn’t have sex with her in the first place.)

So how do you measure up to your woman’s favorite sex toy?  Here are some tips on how to measure your penis:

Use a flexible measuring tape, not a ruler.

Measuring Penis Length For length:

Measure from the base to the tip while fully erect.  Measure on the top side of the penis, from the lower abs at the pubic bone.  The vagina is only 3 to 3.5 inches in length, and can expand up to 50% when aroused.  So a penis that is 6″ long will almost bottom out.

Do NOT press in to measure!  The root of the penis inside the man’s body is rather long and can be felt (and held) below the balls at the perineum.  Don’t press in just to add an extra half inch or so to your length measurement.  Last time I checked, the woman’s pubic bone does not magically extend outward into the man’s abs during sex.

Measuring Penis Width GirthFor width:

Measure around the widest part of the fully aroused, fully erect penis to get the circumference.  Where this point is varies.  Some men are wider at the base, while some are wider in the middle, and some near the head.  Measuring the width is especially important for men who are widest in the top third of the shaft and the head, as this is the part of the penis most likely to actually be inserted into the woman.

If the head is bulbous and noticeably wider than the rest of the penis, measure the circumference of the head as well… just to know.

Now, you get to use that high school algebra you never thought you would ever need.  To get the width (diameter) of a circle (penis shaft), divide the circumference (around measurement) by pi  (3.14).

ArousedWoman.com - Man Uncut Penis Circumference Formula to Measure Penis Width

If the circumference is:

4.5″ = penis is 1.43″ wide
5.0″ = penis is 1.59″ wide
5.5″ = penis is 1.75″ wide
6.0″ = penis is 1.91″ wide
6.5″ = penis is 2.07″ wide
7.0″ = What are you? Caligula’s horse?!

I’m not saying you should steer clear of a potential partner just based on penis size, but to deny the importance of sex in the relationship is Puritanical nonsense.  Many relationships and marriages end because the sex was not pleasurable or the partners were not sexually compatible.

By the way, guys, don’t worry if you are in the long and narrow or the short and wide ranges.  Every vagina is different, so regardless of how you measure up, there is a partner for you — you just have to find her!

trish

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DailyOJ 10-19-12 Part 2: Integration of Clitoral Orgasms & Disappointment


* Read Part 1 here. *

Also, this September, I noticed how my clitoral orgasms are not as explosive and separate from my vaginal/prostate orgasms as they used to be.  Instead of an obvious explosion, that typifies the clit orgasm, my clitoral orgasms have become much fuller, more like full-body expansion up my torso and through me in waves rather than being localized to the clit in a hot quick burst of release.  These new clitoral orgasms (in conjunction with prostate stim) have been amazing.

My prostate orgasms have been insanely intense, and yet I have not felt the awakening in my prostate that I had hoped for since resuming my practice in August.  I could still be in a time of adjustment, or my prostate could be so integrated now that my body is now accustomed to the sensations that were once so new and startling.  (Which sucks because I love when my prostate is so awake I literally can’t sit still.)  However, I know my prostate is very much awake and attentive because I have urination orgasms almost every time I go to the bathroom.  And of course, the blended orgasms are truly out of this world.

On a side note, since crossing that threshold into being 40, I have noticed since September that I’m not as wet as I used to be.  I know my caffeine intake is too high, and I’ve been forgetting to take my fish oil, but not being crazy-wet all the time has me concerned about my hormone levels as well as my hydration and diet regimen.  I eat pretty well — on the rare occasion too much sugar, but nowhere near what I used to consume.  So I’ve made a conscious effort to lay off most sugar/starch, take my fish oil, eat my dark chocolate, and drink LOTS of water.  I can tell when I’m properly hydrated by the prostate orgasms that radiate through my torso and up my spine to my scalp and face when I go to the bathroom.  No orgasm while urinating?  CHUG ICE WATER.

I’ve been trying to do my Sparkles-assisted sessions on Monday, Wednesday, Friday — during the day, since I’m loud, saving my hands-only, quieter, blended, wake-up O’s for Saturdays and/or Sundays.

Today, I experienced again what had been happening for the past couple of weeks.  Starting the session later than I prefer puts me in a bit of a stress mode since I like to have my “lying broken” time first to clear the mind fuzz.  If I have less than 3 hours, I usually don’t bother. But today, I had less than 2 hours, but really wanted to have a session, so I went for it… which may have been what set me up for the resulting disappointment.

By not having my “lying broken” time, the mind fuzz was all a-chatter in my head.  Life, work, this blog, Twitter, updating my site, hoping I can raise enough funds to start my radio show and forum, organizing my own orgasm training method in my head — my mind would not slow down, shut off, or shut up. And yet, I proceeded.  Pathetically.  I did about 15 minutes of sounds on Aum, doing light sensual massage.  After a minute, I had some light nipple-gasms (disappointed that it took that long).  A few minutes into the Aumming, I started clit massage.  Took a good minute to get an OM-clit-gasm.  (Disappointing.)  Trying to put a finger in, there was vaginal fluid at the opening, enough to insert my finger to stim my prostate, but certainly not enough to accommodate my purple silicone friend, Sparkles.

This had been going on for a few weeks now.  Too much caffeine and not enough vag fluid.  I always use lube with Sparkles, but now being 40, the idea of being one of “those” women who can’t get wet sent a panic through me.  My ex used to complain about how wet I got during sex — he would pull out and use the sheet to wipe me off till my vulva was bone dry and he could get friction (the fact that it hurt me didn’t seem to matter) — what mattered now was that I may have wasted over a decade of being a natural female ejaculator with a man who hated my amount of fluids!  Somewhere in my psyche, I may have shut that down, and now being 40, the natural hormonal changes to my body might prevent me from ever ejaculating!  GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!  (I’m not sure about this as a point of fact, but that was the fear that ran through my head… as if I had room for more mind noise…)

So what the hell was the point?!  Why am I doing this?! Why don’t I just stop — call it a day?  I’ve done that before.  This time, I couldn’t just stop.  I wasn’t having a female blue-balls moment (yes, we can  get those).  Quite the contrary, I could have very easily just gotten up.  But I was so annoyed that my routine was interrupted by starting late, my vagina was dry from my over-consumption of caffeine, and my mind would just not shut the fuck up.  And now it was glaringly obvious that I was so attached to the outcome, I couldn’t just end the session out of separation anxiety… What if my fabulous, life-altering orgasm journey is caput?  What if the ride is over and the cosmic carousel operator is trying to get me to move the hell on — and what, take up knitting?!

Granted, the “worst,” most “disappointing” orgasm nowadays is better than the best orgasm I ever had prior to beginning this journey.  But I feel like I’ve learned so much about myself, and I have so much more  to learn, that it just can’t be “over!”  It can’t continue to be a series of technically great orgasms that don’t resonate with me vibrationally!!

GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

So I soldiered on with Sparkles, had a physically great orgasm … and then, the worst did, in fact, happen.  I cried… but not in euphoria, but rather in disappointment.  This was the first time that I remember crying out of the lack of something, something was missing, and I was sad in my heart.  It dawned on me later that what’s missing just might be a physical partner.

Having soared to incredible peaks on my own, I know I’m more than ready for a partner, but my current life circumstances prevent me from pursuing pleasure with someone else.  This is not only sexually frustrating, but it hurts my heart.  I believe I have a great deal to offer a man, especially in the sex/orgasm department, but I can’t pursue anything until my divorce is finalized.  And so Asshole — my ex — still has a power over me.  I fear that having any kind of sexual relations “outside of marriage” (though I moved out 2 years ago), will be used against me to the point of losing custody of my daughter.  That is exactly what has happened to other women (it’s part of living in a Bible-thumpin’ Red State).  Another added layer of mind noise moves to the forefront.

I feel suddenly broken in many ways, and yet, I’m at a fork in the road, but I don’t know which way to go.  As a friend told me, my energy is scattered.  I know my heart is here with my activism and ArousedWoman(TM).  Hopefully, my emotional heart will be able to find its place with a partner soon enough… Bring on the ice water!

Aroused and scattered,

trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s DailyOJ.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


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