With the landmark decision by the Supreme Court of the United States legalizing gay marriage last Friday, June 26, 2015, one would think only celebrating and rejoicing would be heard throughout these 50 states, which are founded upon the principles of “liberty and justice for all”. However, one does not have to look far to see the glaring reminder of the right-wing religiosity that plagues American culture and politics.
The vile response by evangelicals and fundamentalists has been most prevalent on social media with an extra helping of crazy being bandied about in the news media. The past seven days have offered a shocking reminder at just how deep the fundies’ misguided hate runs in this country. Lifelong friends have been unfriending and blocking each other. Preachers have threatened to light themselves on fire. Businesses have posted “No Gays Allowed” signs on their doors. Narrow-minded troglodytes everywhere have shown their true colors amidst the “rainbowification” of the United States.
The one thing that has not happened is the earth imploding, or falling out of the sky, or hell freezing over, or some other catastrophic calamity causing the end of life as we know it — even with the religious right prognosticating that marriage equality would end life as we know it. In fact, everything looks pretty normal from here … and I’m in the Red State of Mississippi. The marriage equality ruling was blocked by Governor Bryant — whose son is gay! — and Attorney General Jim Hood, but the people demanded their equality — backed by the Supreme Court, and won. Things are looking good here as gay and lesbian couples have been getting their marriage licenses around the state.
Amazingly, the LGBT community and allies have taken the high-road amidst all the vehemence spewed by so-called Christians. Yet, real Christians, who actually live by Jesus’ teachings of love and tolerance, do count themselves amongst the allies, and hopefully, they will drown out the cacophony of the religious nuts’ anti-gay and anti-equality rhetoric that has filled the media since Friday.
Sure, it’s a balmy summer’s day, but not because of the predicted fire and brimstone.
Apocalypse, anyone? Not today.
I AM DIVORCED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
I got the text message from my lawyer a little while ago that the judge signed off on the papers this morning.
I breathed a sigh of relief that I have been holding in for over 15 years.
I never wanted to be legally married. EVER. Seeing my parents crap marriage and knowing I wanted a career in the arts (which meant traveling and nude love scenes), I never ever wanted to be shackled to one man.
When I had my daughter, we decided to get married so he could claim me as a dependent (since I was only a stay-at-home-mother and didn’t actually contribute anything except working 24/7 as a mom). Once legally married, I could then get medical and dental insurance, which I had not had for a few years. And there was the added bonus of a bigger tax return as well as cheaper car insurance…. Yes…. Exactly ALL the reasons two people would want to legally bound (and gagged) together.
Standing in front of the justice of the peace, I felt my soul deflate as I had to say vows I never wanted to utter. Getting legally married was truly a soul-crushing moment for me… that lasted until THIS morning when I was granted my FREEDOM! YEEHAW!
The divorce process only solidified for me what marriage is all about. Money. Money and property. Anyone who says marriage is NOT about money and property has never been divorced. Trust me. Don’t get married in the first place. Do a Power of Attorney so you can sign off on life-saving medical procedures, but please, I beg everyone, do NOT get married. EVER. It sucks. No. I’m not biased. This is just the truth. Seriously. Marriage is evil. Stay away!!!
Or do what you want…
Doing the numbers on today’s date — 06-06-2013, they reduce to 9, which is the Hermit (or Shaman) card in the Major Arcana of the Tarot. (Yes, I do numerology. Don’t judge me.) I had thought it would be a number like 21 – The Universe, or something more appropriate like 13 – Death. :-) However, 9 – The Hermit or Shaman, is interesting. Even though I’ve been in a state of chrysalis for several years, especially since becoming a single mom 2.5 years ago, now I am truly free to search within and plan the next phase of my life.
Do I still want a relationship? Of course. And I can certainly see myself becoming handfasted again. But legally married? Never. The cheaper car insurance wasn’t worth it.
I shall revel in this moment and all subsequent moments of my life for I AM FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! I am a 40 year-old woman with years of pent up sexual energy who’s ready to pounce.
Now…. if only I could find a straight man with whom to get my Cougar on! :-P
(YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!)
* This post is a follow-up to AskTrish: Man With Large Penis Worries About Causing Girlfriend Pain During Sex.*
My girlfriend, and I are now separated. I am failing at figuring women out. I have been trying to meet women. However, two women I know — by a friend we share in common — have been pretty blunt about wanting to sleep with me as a result of gossip. They just heard from a long-time ex when I dated her that I was well… you know. I would rather stay away. I don’t want this as I would rather see something more serious. I turn 29 in February. I don’t really enjoy meaningless sex unless it’s with someone I know and trust. I don’t trust someone who comes up and says something like that. So what are my options?
Women are complex. Most women aren’t easy to get to know because they’ve been taught to play games. But I think your instincts are spot on!
It’s heartening to me that a man as young as you would want a serious relationship and not just sex. However, if you’re looking to date women younger than yourself, you’re likely to find immature women who will treat you (and your penis) like a side show spectacle at the circus.
As for the gossip, you’ll probably get that wherever you go with your circle of friends, especially if you see your exes a lot. Here is where dating can be problematic for you. Younger women may be “sowing their wild oats” (that society takes for granted with young men), while women your age or slightly older might be looking for men to have kids with. And you’re stuck in the middle — wanting a meaningful relationship but not ready for kids.
Women in their early 20’s often play out their princess-daddy’s-girl bullshit in relationships with men. Men in their early 20’s treat relationships as status symbols and easy-access sex. Women in their late 20’s have begun to taste life on their own — out of college, in the work force, paying their way, usually putting career first. By the time women hit their 30’s, many women feel the desire to start a family. Men may not feel this until their mid- to late 30’s or even their 40’s. Between the games people play in relationships and the different goals people set for themselves, it’s a wonder two people ever find a happy, healthy relationship!
As for your comment, “I don’t enjoy meaningless sex unless it’s with someone I know and trust.” I think you should re-adjust your notion of “meaningless” sex. If you’re having sex with a friend for the sake of having sex (i.e., an enjoyable time with someone you know and trust), that is not “meaningless.” Sharing a beautiful sexual experience with another human being has value, even if you’re not “in love” with that person. “In love” is a chemical reaction in the brain due to the transference of pheromones and other body chemicals between two people. At some point in your life, you may have experienced that loss of “in love” once your brain is immune to the chemical stimuli of her body’s biology, and vice versa. The ennui of “in love” can fade quickly, and you’re left wondering, “What now?”
Loving and appreciating another human being does not have to come with a prison sentence and the “strings attached” that we’re used to. From my perspective, sharing a wonderful, orgasmic experience with another person adds value to my life and hopefully to the other person’s. I’ve done a lot of work on myself in the past couple of years, and I know what orgasm is supposed to be — it is a way to connect to the universal energy, to experience bliss in no other way we can in this meat-suit body.
As I look ahead to my divorce being finalized, I’ve been scoping out men I know and trust — to not hurt me, not have diseases, have had a vasectomy. As I told the man who will probably be my first post-divorce sexual experience, “I might say ‘I love you’ during sex. Don’t worry. I don’t want commitment. It just means I love you a a human being. Because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be having sex with you anyway… and I’ll probably cry… a lot… I do when the orgasms are really good.” I couldn’t share that with a man I didn’t trust, even though he and I are not “in love.”
N., I would say you have two options: Go through with the “meaningless” sex/relationships to satisfy your manly, physical needs, but you may feel as if your heart and soul are suffering with the purely physical encounters. The other option is to go celibate until the universe decides it is time for you to meet your dream woman. You can’t make the younger women more mature, nor can you make the right woman appear in your life before it is time for your paths to cross.
In fact, I highly recommend you go for Option 2. Spend time working on yourself so that you are the right person when the time is right for you to meet your right partner.
If you go for Option 1, find yourself a “cougar.” There must be a way to meet women in your area who are over the age of 38-ish, are done having kids, and have divorced their asshole husband (who’s probably currently having a mid-life crisis of his own). Most cougars want the orgasms they didn’t get in marriage and crave adventurous sex sans procreation.
By the way, if you’re hanging out in bars for women, that’s your first mistake. Stay out of the bars. :-) And if your circle of friends keeps bringing this heartache, get a new circle of friends.
Since you’re looking for a relationship that improves you as a human being, look for similarly-minded women in places that also reflect they are looking to improve themselves as human beings. Attend a yoga class, join a hiking club, sit in on a reading at a local (erotic) bookshop.
You never know where or when Miss Right will show up.
* For phone consultations, email trish via the AW website. *