NEWS: Air Force’s Head of Anti-Sexual Assault Unit Arrested for Sexual Battery
© 2013 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
Last night, it was reported that the guy in charge of the Air Force’s anti-sexual assault unit, Lieutenant Colonel Jeffrey Krusinski, was arrested for the sexual battery of a woman, not far from the Pentagon.
According to the charges, he grabbed her breasts and butt in public. She resisted, and judging by his mugshot, she fought back. GOOD FOR HER! But he went after her again. She was able to call the Arlington County Police Department, who provided his arrest photo.
While the Air Force has removed him from his post with the anti-sexual assault unit, he was able to post his $5,000 bond, so he is out on the streets.
If you’ve seen the film The Invisible War, you know how rampant sexual abuse is within the U.S. military. How can change happen within the military when the leaders assigned to address the problems are themselves abusers?
trish
NEWS: Obama “Comfortable” With FDA Disregarding Judge’s Ruling on Plan B
© 2013 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
Apparently, our centrist president doesn’t want to rock the boat with a minor victory for women and girls at stake.
I wrote about the April verdict by Judge Korman in which Plan B would be required to be available on store shelves without a prescription or an I.D. check within 30 days of the ruling. The FDA made their own announcement that it would be available to girls over the age of 15 with proof of age (an I.D. check), then the Justice Department decided to stick its misogynist nose into the fray just to complicate matters.
After a push by the Obama administration, the FDA relented slightly, saying emergency contraception, a.k.a. the morning after pill, would be available on the store shelves, without a prescription, but only for females aged 15 and over (still requiring that I.D. check). President Obama said he was “comfortable” with that.
Which, I guess, is all that matters — that a a man can be “comfortable” with a male-dominated government deciding when and how women and girls can have rights to their bodies.
He also used the phrase “scientific evidence” a couple of times when referring to why Plan B should be available to teenage girls without a doc’s script in an obvious play to knock out the religious objections to having the emergency birth control on the open shelves to be seen by god and everybody…. Why, hell’s, bells, Scarlet! Look up that Jesus quote about birth control being evil…. oh wait…. Jesus never mentioned birth control, did he? …. Hmmmmm….
Obama — I voted for you twice, so don’t allow this kind of bullshit to taint my opinion of your otherwise strong stance for women’s rights.
I’m sure there will be more to update on this story as the misogyny continues.
trish
NEWS: FDA’s Emergency Contraception Plan for Plan B Contradicts Court Ruling
© 2013 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
05-01-2013
The wonderful victory for all females in the United States to have access to emergency contraception without a prescription has been foiled by the evil charlatans at the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and the Justice Department.
The Center for Reproductive Rights’ (CRR) had filed a lawsuit against the FDA to require emergency birth control pills be available without restriction, an effort to remove the obstacle and perhaps shame of getting a prescription from a doctor. On April 5, 2013, U.S. District Court Judge Edward Korman ruled that the FDA must make emergency contraception, a.k.a. the morning after pill, available over the counter without an age-limit restriction within 30 days of the ruling.
Instead of complying with this basic right all women should have — and do have thanks to this ruling, the FDA announced it would make Plan B and Next Choice-type emergency contraception available over the counter to females aged 15 and up, in direct violation of the court’s ruling. (The FDA says its decision was in no way affected by Korman’s ruling.) The FDA has thrown in a requirement for the female buying the emergency contraception to provide proof of age for the purchase. As the CRR and other activists have noted, this may prove problematic since some states do not allow teenagers to get a driver’s license until the age of 16, so 15 year old girls might have a difficult time proving their age.
Meanwhile, U.S. Attorney Loretta Lynch sent an appeal of Korman’s ruling to the Second Circuit Court of Appeals to suspend the ruling until further notice. The Obama administration subsequently announced it will appeal the Justice Department’s appeal, if need be. So for now, the FDA’s asinine proclamation of limiting Plan B et al will stand, complete with photo I.D. and age-requirement intact.
Time will tell if the original court ruling will win the day and allow all females to have access to emergency birth control without politics interfering with our individual right to body autonomy.
trish
For other NEWS Articles check out these posts on my other blog:
OpEd: “A Life Lived in Fear Is a Life Half-Lived”
© 2013 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
An open letter to all my friends who never knew about my secret life this past year.
04-16-2013
If you know me, you know I cover New York’s Broadway theatre for a living, doing write-ups for shows, reviewing shows and cast albums, and hosting my own radio show, Musical Theatre Talk, on which I chat with Tony Award winners, Bway designers, and composers — I’ve even covered the Tonys! I do all this from Mississippi…. Yes, Mississippi…. How?…. I’m damn good at what I do…. (And I occasionally fly to New York.)
But there are other things you may not know about me….
In 1994, I discovered a quirky independent Australian film entitled Strictly Ballroom. Almost 20 years later, Strictly Ballroom remains in my list of Top 10 Best Films of all time.
The basic tenet of the film is a quote, supposedly of Spanish Romani origin, that goes, “A life lived in fear is a life half-lived.” I have taken this quote and sentiment as the “theme” for 2013 as well as for my updated website, and my continued activism on my “secret” blog that I sort of kept from my “respectable friends” because it deals with subject matters too indelicate for polite company.
For the past year, since starting my “secret” blog, I have lived in fear of what others would think — that they would shun me, rumors would start, and I would be all alone in the big, scary world.
What the FUCK was I thinking?!
Of course, I’ll be shunned. Of course, people will talk. THIS has been the one constant in my life — being the black sheep of the family, having family and so-called friends disown me for being truthful to myself and living that truth in the open, standing up for what I believe in, speaking out for other people’s rights as well as my own. Why the hell would I be surprised for people to abandon me now?!
The fear began at age 9 when I was molested by a neighbor, a teenage girl down the street. She knew how to get me to keep silent — she threatened to tell my mother. My mother was an evil bitch, a Catholic zealot, dependent victim, and recreational martyr. I wasn’t sure what was being done to me, but somehow, my mother was bound to twist it to being my fault. That threat — that fear of being shunned by those who were supposed to love me — had lived with me for years, well into adulthood.
At 21, I was raped. (No, Republicans, it was not your definition of “legitimate rape.” It was just date-rape, just me being violated in my home by someone I knew well, which I know doesn’t really count to you as “rape-rape” even though 80% of reported rapes are committed by someone the victim knows, not the stereotypical boogey-man.) Again, I lived in fear of others finding out, of being shunned and ridiculed by those who were supposed to love me, so I didn’t tell anyone — not one person, not even the police.
Since I was 13, I’ve spoken out on many things in regards to human rights and civil rights — sometimes in regard to how it applied to me as a woman, a bisexual, a heathen pagan. Mostly, however, I’ve fought for human rights on the macrocosmic scale — I’ve fought for the principal of the basic right of <__insert human rights issue here__>.
This time last year, something happened within me, and I could no longer keep all of this inside. I created my “secret” website and blog that I absolutely love writing. Yet, I lived in fear that if my family found out, I would lose the last of my family who still talk to me… and worse yet, my activism for women’s rights, women’s body autonomy, women’s sexual health, and my own personal journey in healing from sexual abuse would be used against me by my soon-to-be ex-husband to take my child away from me…. I repeat… I’m in Mississippi… not New York….
A few days ago, while looking ahead to running for public office and knowing my “secret” blog would become public knowledge, I began to update my personal website. For some reason, the quote from Strictly Ballroom resounded in my head: “A life lived in fear is a life half-lived.”
As happy as I am in my life as a single mom, a writer, an activist, a dreamer, I still lived in fear — which meant my life was not really my own. My fear still controlled me.
I knew then that I will no longer live in fear of losing people from my life. People who shun me for being an open, honest, and unapologetic loudmouth activist are missing out on one hell of a person in their lives. Their shunning says more about them than me. In fact, today on Twitter, I saw this quote in someone’s bio: “If you judge me, you don’t define me. You define yourself.”
So, here goes…. I’m coming out of the blogger and activist closet to let everyone know about my site and blog, ArousedWoman.com. (Begin shunning now….)
“Arouse” means “to stir to action, to awaken.” To me, this perfectly summed up my activism and the awakening I was experiencing on so many levels. A year of secret blogging later, I am proud to say I have a small following of readers — okay, they’re a fabulous fan-base whom I love dearly.
Here’s some more shun-worthy information:
I have never orgasmed during sex… but then 70% of women have never orgasmed during penetrative sex. I thought the problem was me. Turns out, not all of it was my fault. Some of it was the guys’ fault (okay, a lot of it has been the fault of the men in my life). A lot of it was the fault of the sexual abuse I suffered as a child and as an adult, and much to my surprise, a great deal of my issues with sex have come from the sexual harassment I’ve suffered since I suddenly developed breasts one night when I was 10. Therefore, I have written about my abuse as a kid as well as my date rape experience. I’ve written about my lifelong hatred of my breasts, as well as my fear of intimacy. I even wrote about my own Steubenville-esque experience that I was still carrying shame over.
No longer.
I’m glad to say I am a multi-orgasmic woman — enjoying spontaneous O’s even! I have documented this journey in my DailyOJ posts. I am happier than I’ve ever been in that department… so much so that I now help others — men and women — with their sexual journey and sexual healing by answering their questions in my AskTrish posts and on Twitter. I love reading the comments by my readers on my blog and Twitter — they seem to like my OpEd pieces especially:
- OpEd: How I Like My Sex… Bare…
- OpEd: The Face of Orgasm: Is Your Woman Faking Orgasms or Not? (’cause really, most men are kinda clueless)
- OpEd: Fucking Cherokee Men (and Other People of Color)
I also review products including sex toys, books, lube, and music.
Still reading all this?…
AND I post erotic pictures on my AW Tumblr…. (no, not of me…. yet….)
AND I’m planning on hosting sexual wellness workshops….
AND I’m preparing an orgasm training workshop….
AND I’ve published a sample chapter of erotica on Amazon.com Kindle, that’s FREE for Prime members. (Tempted? Go ahead, you know you want to check it out…. I’ll wait right here for you to return…)
Oh…. you’re back? Great… Where was I…….
And is now a good time to mention I had to have a medical abortion in 1997?…. No?…. Oh…. Well, then, I guess I’ll save my tale of spending 20 minutes on the kitchen floor in such horrendously painful, incapacitating contortions I could not crawl across the floor to reach the phone to call 9-1-1… (twice)… for another time.
Still reading? Wow.
And I hate religion…. I am a very spiritual person, but religion is little more than man-made rules set by a core group of wealthy, powerful elitist men who suppress the masses into subjugation and adoration through machinations of fear and guilt — and who usually HATE WOMEN…. I don’t dislike the followers of religion necessarily — I like the UU’s, and I’ve never met a Methodist I didn’t like.
AND I am the Queen of Musical Theatre…. Seriously.
Now you know. My secrets are out. I no longer have any fear. My life is a life fully lived and living!
Judge me. You will be defining yourself, not me.
trish
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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OpEd: My “Steubenville” Experience – The Night I Don’t Remember
I awoke last Sunday, dreading checking my Twitter because I anticipated a plethora of “Happy St. Patrick’s Day” tweets, and I wasn’t in the mood to explain (again) the lies of the Patrick myth as invented by the Catholic Church. But check Twitter I did, and the tweets that caught my attention revolved around the upcoming verdict in the Steubenville rape case in Ohio.
The verdict was just about to be announced, and everyone in my TL pensively awaited guilty verdicts for the high school football Lotharios who raped a 16 year-old girl while she was drunk. When the media storm first hit the story months ago, I had seen some of the pictures taken that night. The one in which the guys were passing her around like she was a sack of potatoes was particularly heinous.
I think this story hit me hard not only because of the rape/date-rape aspect of my own rape, but I had a similar inebriated experience in 1996. I was at an outdoor event, and the temperature was in the high 90′s. A cheese sandwich was my only food the entire day. I was not drinking enough water. I was walking a lot, and I was dehydrated. When the party began that night, I had two lite beers — and remember nothing of the next 10 hours.
The next day, I heard stories of what I did at the party. The looks on people’s faces as I walked by were enough to tell me I did… something… a lot of something… but I had no recollection except for two brief flashes of sitting with a man I didn’t know. But the stories… what I was told… by many people, confirming each other’s stories… didn’t sound like me at all.
I understand exactly the panic, the fear, the emotional pain, the shame of what the Steubenville victim experienced. What she went through at the time, not knowing what was done to her, or by whom, is a frightening feeling. Not knowing if you used a condom, do you now have a disease, are you pregnant??? These thoughts flood the mind, and you live in fear until tests come back. Thankfully, for me, the tests’ results were all negative. Ironically, this was the moment I became pro-choice.
That night in March 1996, I had alcohol poisoning. The combined factors of little water, even less food, high heat, and overall exhaustion made my body unable to handle two lite beers. All the things I did, I did not cognitively consent to, and yet I participated in them. Eventually, so I was told, a man was put in charge of watching over me, so no “harm” would come to me. What was their definition of “harm?” I was in an alcohol blackout having “sex” with men I barely knew and some I didn’t know at all. They didn’t think that was harmful? Did they not know the signs of intoxication? Did they not care?!
As I was told, this man took me away from the immediate party and tried to get me to drink water. I awoke the next morning in my tent, with horrible dry mouth — like I was eating cotton, and I was physically weak. I didn’t even know I’d been “sexual” the previous night until… the stories… the looks… the shame of things I don’t remember… to this day.
The shame I was made to feel by those who witnessed (and did nothing) or heard about my “escapade,” is the shame I feared would haunt me if I reported my rape. The guilt of embarrassing my friends and the fear of all the “what if’s” of the consequences literally pained me. Even talking about my rape on Twitter led one jerk to say I was milking my rape for sympathy.
Last Sunday morning, March 17, 2013, the Steubenville verdict was announced. The judge places the blame on social media and drinking. Over the course of the week, media outlets cover the verdict, blaming the victim for ruining the promising futures of her rapists. Twitter explodes. And the gun nuts start in saying, if only the girl had been armed, she wouldn’t have been raped.
And so the Twitterverse keeps revolving…
With 2012 being the Year of Rape in the media and women rising to the fore to fight the GOP Right Wing misogyny invading our bodies, how could a 16 year-old girl be made to take the brunt of the judge and the media’s blame for her rape?
When I was outside working all day on that hot day in March 1996, I wasn’t thinking about having “drunk sex” that night. Did the men who were with me have any thought that maybe “sex” with a drunk girl isn’t a good thing? That just because a girl is being gregarious or “slutty,” the alcohol has affected her ability to make cognitive decisions, i.e., give consent for sexual activity?
The bigger issue here is that I don’t think most men understand what rape actually is. Rape is not only when a boogey-man jumps a lone, defenseless woman at the mall parking lot at 10 p.m. Most reported rapes are committed on women by men they know — husbands, boyfriends, family, friends, neighbors, co-workers. Only 20% of reported rapes are committed by the iconic stranger/boogey-man.
The other issue is what is consent. Some states have laws that stipulate sex with a person who meets the legal definition of being intoxicated is considered rape, since the person cannot adequately consent.
I never liked the taste of alcohol, but I drank some socially. I had never been drunk before or since. I’ve never talked about my experience before now. And I’m sure some people will say I “asked for it,” or they just won’t understand. Hell, I don’t understand it. But I understand Jane Doe, and she does not deserve the harassment she has received from the media or from her former friends.
Women and the men who love us need to keep up the pressure to have this national and international conversation — defining rape in all its forms and defining consent. Our daughters and our sons deserve that.
Jane Doe does not deserve the blame or the shame she has received on top of the egregious violation of her body and trust that she experienced. Were it not for the tenacity of one reporter, the Steubenville rape would have been swept under the carpet by the witnesses and the coaches who knew about it. Accessories after the fact… accessories who cared more for their school’s athletic reputation than the welfare of a teenage girl.
Never be silent.
trish
Links:
- Follow @AnArousedWoman on Twitter | ArousedWoman on Facebook
- Support ArousedWoman Radio and Forum!
- ArousedWoman Forum
- Trish’s DailyOJ posts
- AskTrish posts
- ArousedWoman Tumblr
AskTrish: Man Inquires About “the Woman Behind the Blog” & What I Do in My Spare Time
Dear Trish,
That was random I know, but you share so much about your life and experiences that I wondered how you were doing in the areas that you don’t speak about. You have every right to say nothing. I just enjoy getting a better understanding of the woman behind the blog.
What do you like to do in your spare time, when you’re not being a sex guru or a mom? What do you hope to achieve in the next year, 5 years or 10 years? What is something that no matter how upset or angry you are always manages to make you smile or at least smirk? If knowledge is power, when it comes to the content of your Aroused Woman blog, how powerful do you feel?
All hail Queen Vagina!
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
You’re sweet! 
A few posts back, I announced that I was branching out with ArousedWoman(TM), re-focusing on “Awakening Sexuality Through Mind, Body, & Spirit.” So I’ll be posting lots of new topics and crazy wack-a-doo posts that I feel are relevant to my growth and that I hope are interesting to my readers.
As you can see from my “random post” on astral travel, that experience had a profound effect on me — not just my perception of what’s on the Other Side, but experiencing what actually is and is NOT on the Other Side confirmed for me many “beliefs” in regard to humanity, religion, society, etc. My beliefs-turned-knowledge affect me sexually (i.e., there’s no hell and certainly no “sin” as classified by controlling religious dogma), the experience of pure love (I know what I’m looking for when it comes to love, I won’t settle for anything less, and love has to be felt — it can’t be intellectualized or rationalized, i.e., If I love him enough, he’ll change, so I’ll love him really hard and work to change him into the person I want him to be.), and other concepts I’m still integrating even after the 9 or 10 years since the experience.
Which brings me to my “spare time”… Just yesterday, in fact, my daughter asked me, “Just what do you do during the day?” And I had to tell her the truth. Not much. I’m a Libra, a mind-candy person. I’m a creator. It’s difficult for me to actually finish anything because once it’s complete, it’s over — I can’t mind-candy it anymore. But my creative works have to be completed if I’m gonna earn a paycheck and feed my child.
I spend most of my time reading, learning, experimenting, walking, cooking, cleaning, washing dishes, meditating, pondering, writing, tweeting, doing laundry, working, walking, composing music, looking at the trees, studying leaves, watching squirrels and birds interact, more reading, more research, more questing, listening to the wind, being witchy, brewing concoctions, making cool witchy stuff, doing web design for new clients, creating different workshops, textile design, writing, writing, writing, tweeting…
I don’t have “spare time” in that I do what I love for a living (theatre), and I’m currently working on 2 new training certifications, after which, I’ll go for 2 more. (I’m already certified in yoga and Pilates.) Because I do what I love, I don’t earn a lot of money — I live simply and have found that to be rather wonderful. I go to bed every night thoroughly happy with my life. I wish there were more time in the day, but I know I used the time I had to enrich my life, provide for my daughter, and enjoy being in this meat-suit while being amazed at the beauty that is around me.
It can be surreal sometimes. I’ve had people say, “Wow, you lucked out writing for a living.” No, I was in the performing arts for 36 years, I’m an award-winning composer, I hosted a radio show that had 27,000 listeners worldwide (that I put on hold to start ArousedWoman and fight the idiocy of the GOP during the 2012 POTUS election), and I have something to say. I created my “luck” by working my ass off and paying my “dues.” I earned my right to write for a living.
Currently, I’m creating an online course on Musical Theatre training topics, I’m starting a new project (a magazine), and I will get back to my theatre radio show soon. I’m also going to teach some health workshops in my local area to help supplement my income. I’m also working on the ArousedWoman cookbook, and I’m creating my orgasm training method (which will be in beta testing soon for anyone who wants to contact me to participate in it).
I’m still trying to get the AW Forum going and still raising money for ArousedWoman Radio, to interview guests and answer people’s question in real time. But that is slow-going. It will happen in its own time, I guess.
Most of my time is spent on personal growth, getting healthy, and growing my experiences sexually, sensually, tantrically. I want to be a complete human, not a shell of a human in the rat race of society, as so many people are. I want to help others get out of that kind of life — to help them make a better life for themselves, get healthier, find some kind of peace in this crazy world — to see that happiness in self and happiness in life are connected. I want to help people overcome their PTSD with sexual trauma. I want to help others see beyond the hypocrisy of religion, politics, and government — that all that bullshit doesn’t really matter — and if it does matter to you, then don’t just complain, actually get off your ass and do something about it.
I want to help people get off the lie that is the insensitive Western medical system which is being undermined by the pharmacological industry. I want to inspire others to get back to the “beauty way,” back to Mother Earth because the livestock and dairy industries are killing our planet and our bodies. We are not separate from the earth — the earth isn’t just the thing under the sidewalks and asphalt — the earth is our food, our air, our water, our home, our reason for incarnating to this physical plane. If the living biosphere of the earth weren’t so important to us, we would have incarnated on Mars or somewhere else. Duh.
I want people to take back their power to heal themselves without fear of criminalization from the oppressive forces in control of our society.
I want women to take back our rightful place as healers, warriors, judges, peacemakers — as we were before patriarchal misogyny made women property, whores, and household slaves.
Where do I want to be in 5 years? Hopefully, I will have finished my Bachelor’s degree in Transpersonal Psychology from Sofia University and will be nearly finished with my Master’s in Women’s Spirituality. After that, I may take 2 years to study Sanskrit at St. John’s University in Arizona. And of course, 6 years from now, I hope to have completed my work to be an official teacher of Tantra. Essentially, I want to be able to keep a roof over my head while helping others.
I used to think this life was too long. In the past century, we have tripled our life expectancy. Why? Wasn’t 35 years of war, struggle, famine, disease, and natural disasters enough? Now, we have to endure this for 72, or 85, or 105 years?! Now, I see that even that long is not enough. This is a great time to be in a meat-suit on the physical plane. It is a truly wondrous time of change, and we’re a part of it. The past century — this past year! — has seen the rise of women and the awareness of human rights that is 2,000 years overdue.
I just want to do my part to “Be the change.” In my own particular brand of “random,” witchy, artistic, holistic, bohemian, awakening, loudmouth IrishLava. But understand, we really can’t change other people; we can only change ourselves and be the example of change we hope to inspire in others.
trish
Links:
- Follow @AnArousedWoman on Twitter | ArousedWoman on Facebook
- ArousedWoman Forum
- Trish’s DailyOJ posts
- AskTrish posts
- ArousedWoman Tumblr
NEWS: ‘ArousedWoman’ Celebrates 1 Year Anniversary
Hey, everybody!
Hard to believe, but yes, ArousedWoman is now 1 year old. *WOO-HOO!!!*
Last year, I had started my activist site and blog, Activists’ Voice — I even started a radio show to go with that blog. However, with the crazy, misogynist landscape of the 2012 POTUS election, I needed to focus the scope of my activism toward women’s rights and women’s sexual autonomy issues. From that, ArousedWoman was born on Valentine’s Day, 2012.
This has been an incredible year. I’ve met some incredible people through my activism with AW, and I’ve come across some real jerks. Numerous people have told me how my blog has helped their own sexual journey, awakened their awareness to certain issues, as well as let them know they are not alone in their healing from abuse.
My DailyOJ has been called “brave” for its tell-all insights into a woman’s psyche and a woman’s experiences with sex, female anatomy, and multiple orgasms, but I’ve also had so-called liberals dismiss my journey as a “jerk-off blog.” (Whatever.) I let my opinion loose in my OpEd articles, and I’m so honored that readers trust me enough to ask my opinion on their own situations that I answer in my AskTrish series.
While I think society-at-large is a collective 4-year-old having a temper tantrum when it comes to sexual issues, I still think there is hope! And I’m looking forward to the year ahead as ArousedWoman’s path becomes clearer for me and how I want to help others. With the new forum and the radio show I hope to start (soon!), I think ArousedWoman’s upcoming year will be fantastic — thanks in large part to all of you!
Stay tuned as I have new AskTrish posts (with questions from women!), some interesting orgasm experiences to note in my DailyOJ, and a few new reviews of books and music as well as my review of my new sex toy (move over, Sparkles!! j/k ).
Namaste! MWAH!
trish
NEWS: So, Walmart Doesn’t Think Black&Decker Tools Are for Women?
I found this today, 02-07-13, while searching for a drill to get for my home DIY projects and possibly theatre set construction.
I am a woman and a single mom. Notice for whom this particular drill by Black&Decker would be a “great gift.” Is it Walmart or Black&Decker who thinks a mom, wife, or girlfriend (or female carpenter) should not buy a drill… or perhaps tools, in general?
Is this yet another way women’s equality is systematically undermined by patriarchal (RWNJ) culture and male-dominated corporate America? Isn’t this the 21st century?
We already had to fight the “legitimate rape” bullshit from the GOP, the shocking laws being passed in Arizona and the proposed bills in New Mexico. So #WhereAreTheWomen here? Is this more of 2012′s #WarOnWomen? Hmmmmmm…
trish
Recommended Reading:
OpEd: Hardcore Erotica, Animalistic Sex, and Hair Pulling
A male member of the AW Forum posted a discussion in the Music to Set the Mood area, saying:
“Just thought I would add a category that I like to call ‘Hard Erotica.’ It’s a little more gritty and animalistic… Sometimes a good fuck requires a little hair pulling….”
Seriously? We’re back to the “so easy a cave man could do it” attitude toward sex?
The songs to which this member linked were dance-music, “hardcore erotica” tracks from Basic Instinct and Madonna. As a composer of real music, I find that this sort of computerized drivel personifies what is wrong with popular music (overproduced, over-sampled, monotonous in “beat”), but I’ll leave that aside for now.
Describing an enthusiastic fuck as “animalistic” begins to lead the conversation about sex back toward hardcore porn — removing the humanity from sex and encouraging the monotonous mechanics of impersonal fucking — which is not something I subscribe to and is NOT the purpose of my forum or anything related to ArousedWoman(TM). Sex should be about connection — even casual fucking should have a dose of humanity and connectedness to it.
We all know sex can get really heated and… exuberant… that doesn’t mean the intent is “animalistic,” necessarily. This sort of description is exactly the terminology the church used to shame sex — that it was “base” and only for “lower” animals. Deep, fast, thrusting sex can be thrilling for sure, but that doesn’t mean it is “animalistic.” Sex can also be incredibly tender and beautiful. Sex should be a raising of energy between partners, not just a means of tension relief from erratic muscular contractions. In fact, from a Tantric perspective, the best orgasms happen from “slow sex.” (Yes, I said slow sex — as in, the man enters the vagina, and nobody moves for an hour… Yes, I said an hour.)
For myself, I make it clear to a partner that hair pulling is absolutely NOT OKAY. It’s not only a sign of aggravated assault (to me), but yanking a woman’s head back via hair pulling is dangerous to the cervical spine and the larynx (the tube for breathing and speech).
Men may have a fantasy about hair pulling because of what they’ve seen in “hardcore porn,” but only because they’ve never been on the receiving end of having their head yanked back by their long hair or ponytail. No, it is not the same feeling as when a woman curls her fingers in a man’s short hair (on his head) and pulls his head back (that is bad enough), but to have someone grab hold of your long hair, use it like a handle to jerk your head back is horribly painful — and again, dangerous to the neck and larynx.
Yes, I know, some readers will complain (again) that I’m being all “puritanical” and I’m “not at peace” with myself for expressing my opinion (and I’m not even on my period and all hormonal), but I don’t exist to perpetuate the stereotypes of women or sex. So suck it.
ArousedWoman(TM) is about awakening from the “dirty,” impersonal, shame-filled KoolAid of sexuality as demonized by religion and kinkified by a society still trying to find balance in sexual practices and “roles.” As I say on Twitter: “The human body is beautiful. Sex is beautiful.” Nothing about ArousedWoman(TM) is about hardcore porn, so find another site if that’s all you care about — there are plenty of porn & sex sites that perpetuate the pro-church, misogynistic attitudes toward sexuality. ArousedWoman(TM) is NOT one of those.
One last word on monotonous dance music… If a man can only move his hips in one rhythm, he’s a dud in bed. Give me a man who can fuck the 1812 Overture, and we’ll talk.
trish
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AskTrish: Man Asks About the Allure & Sexual Myths of Redheads
Trish, what is it about redheaded women that truly makes them stand out compared to other women? Are they harder to love/please or is that just a myth? Do people get burned easily by such a warm personality and fiery passion? Or is that just a myth. What are things that people need to understand about redheads? What sexual myths do you hear often that are associated to women with Red hair? Do you honestly believe any of them? Does that make men or women more attracted to you or at least curious in some way?
tigertwo1515
Hey, there!
Redheads are quite deserving of such awesome questions, so thank you!
“Redhead” is a ubiquitous term for the fair-skinned, often freckle-faced redheads of Ireland and Scotland. However, natural redheads are found around the world. Redheads have been the source of stereotyping — good and bad — for millennia, and it’s only been in recent times that being a redhead has been something to get excited about.
“Red” hair ranges from reddish “strawberry” blonde, to carrot-top orange, to ginger, auburn, and chestnut shades. In a 1995 study of redheads at Edinburgh University, Dr. Jonathan Rees discovered the reason for red hair is due to a mutation of the melanocortin 1 receptor, a.k.a, the MC1R, on the 16th chromosome, something he called the “Ginger Gene.”
Redheads have a greater risk of bruising and sunburning, but we also have a higher pain threshold. In fact, redheaded people can require up to 20% more anesthesia during surgery than non-reds. Perhaps this is why Irish people are so characterized as pugilistic — Gaels can take a hit and not feel it as readily?
Redheads have been a thorn in the side of world super-powers since at least ancient times. Two of the Roman Empire’s most notorious foes were redheads: the warrior leader Vercingetorix of Gaul and the uppity Iceni warrior queen Boudicca of Britannia were both said to have masses of flowing red hair. Both Mary Magdalene and Judas were also said to have red hair, and poor Eve is also portrayed as a redhead. Between the Roman Empire’s pagan enemies and the Roman Church’s dislike of the Bible’s freethinking dissidents, adverse stereotypes of MC1R mutants were created to slander redheads.
Some of the myths that abound with having red hair also tie in to myths about freckles and even fair skin. In medieval times, women were burned at the stake for having moles or “unexplained” markings on their bodies (supposedly succubi of the Devil).
Other myths that surround the heads o’ red include such gems like redheads don’t have souls, walking by a redhead on the sidewalk means you have to turn around, or that if two redheads have a child together, the child will be evil… the list goes on.
Natural redheads are also associated with having naturally large breasts. Artists exploit this from pin-ups to comic book characters to “Jessica Rabbit,” therefore redheads are rarely portrayed as small-busted. Thanks to the stereotypes of big breasts in porn, men automatically assume a woman with naturally large breasts is more sexual or more easily talked into sex — neither is true. But add that myth to the other fiery temper myths about redheads, you’d think redheads were the sexual scourge of the earth.
Growing up, I hated being ridiculed for my “weird” hair color and “weird” eye color. I even hated my freckles until an Indian dancer told me they were special because they were kisses from the sun. Somehow, him saying that made me feel better about my freckles. As for my hair, I was called “Peppermint Patty” and “Pippy Longstocking” more times than I care to recall, but I didn’t mind being called “Anne of Green Gables” or “Heidi.” Though, thankfully, I have never been called the offensive “Tampon Top,” as some redheads are.
Redheads in Bed
I asked around on Twitter, and I received a plethora of replies from men… so adding that to my personal experience of what men have said they love (and HATE) about me… the overwhelming consensus is that redheaded women are thoroughly uninhibited in bed.
Apparently, the outlandish stories about redheads being wild, sexually insatiable nymphomaniacs are neither a myth nor stereotype, but a delicious reality. Since by “redhead,” I assume you’re talking about the Gaelic fiery Irish redhead — or at least, I hope so — I can attest that redheads are amazing in bed.
The fire isn’t just for the temperament or flaming auburn tresses, though. We Gaelic types also tend to have hot skin. I have had partners who didn’t want to sleep next to me or even hold my hand because my skin is so hot to the touch. This is only one reason my nickname is “Lava.” And I find it interesting that in Ayurvedic medicine, redheads are thought to epitomize the elemental energy pitta, which is a mix of fire & water ( see?… Lava ).
Yes, we’re easy to anger (we’re Irish, duh!), but we’re also easy to laugh. Redheads love adventure, taking risks, and trying new things. We love singing and dancing with pure joy and full heart, and we want everyone around us to feel the same. We love spinning a good yarn and listening to a great story in return. Redheads naturally gravitate toward walking the road less traveled.
According to my non-scientific research, almost every man has a dream of being with a redheaded woman. I, myself, align with the “Women Who Run With the Wolves” type of woman — women who are close to nature and the natural, inherent freedom of woman. But then, I’m also a heathen pagan witch. So who knows?!
Maybe that’s what men see in redheads — we heed the call of wild abandon in life, in love, and in sex, when other women allow themselves and their sexuality to be repressed.
And we don’t take shit off anyone! 
trish
Related Articles:
- OpEd: Fucking Cherokee Men (and Other People of Color)
- DailyOJ 07-07-12: Scent of a Woman… and the Sweet Nectar of Vagina Pie
- OpEd: The Face of Orgasm: Is Your Woman Faking Orgasms or Not?
- Anatomy: Female Ejaculation and Woman’s Ability to Conceive
- OpEd: How I Like My Sex… Bare…
LINKS:
OpEd: Wounded Knee 1890 – U.S. Still Wages #WarOnWomen
December 29th is a day of mourning for all American Indian tribes and should be a day of disgrace for the United States.
On December 29, 1890, the 7th Cavalry sought revenge for Custer’s loss at the Little Big Horn by attacking Chief Big Foot’s band with rapid-fire Hotchkiss guns and mounted soldiers thirsty for blood. The Army assassinated unarmed Lakota men and set out on horseback to chase down the women and children trying to run away in below-freezing temperatures.
It was so cold in fact, the bodies of Big Foot and his Lakota tribe were left on the ground where they died and had to be dug out from the snow by the U.S. soldiers, who then threw them into mass graves.
The massacre of the Cheyenne at Sand Creek in 1864 was a brutal display of evil wearing self-righteous’ clothing. Newspapers of the day described how the U.S. soldiers paraded through town wearing their spoils of war, including scalps of male warriors and fetuses they’d carved out of pregnant Cheyenne women’s uteruses, worn around the soldiers’ necks with pride as if each “trophy” were a fashionable scarf.
Thirty years before, the Eastern and Southern tribes had been made to walk the Trial of Tears, leaving the lush, tree-covered rolling hills of their ancient stomping grounds to walk more than a thousand miles to the alien, barren land of what is now Oklahoma. This was preceded by decades of Indian wars over land that the indigenous tribes could not fathom as being “owned.” The tribes with whom the U.S. was now at war had been the real reason America won its independence from the British to begin with. And even before the American Revolution, the Puritans’ massacres of the Pequot resulted in the murders of mostly women, children, and elderly by setting fire to their village.
American history is littered with murders and atrocities that earned U.S. soldiers Medals of Honor.
I’ve been to the Knee. It is a haunting, sacred place. But then, all of this land is sacred — rich and beautiful. Which is why the American government would do anything to steal every square inch of it.
Considering the hatred our governmental leaders have shown women in 2012, am I really surprised that American soldiers chased pregnant and elderly women for 2 miles along a frozen river, shooting them all for sport? Or that pregnant Cheyenne women were butchered? Or women and children burned alive? No. Militant oppressors always target women because women give birth to the next generation. We give birth to their future enemies.
What surprises me is that in 2012, ignorant baffoons like Rush Limbaugh can call a woman a slut, and we’re outraged, but he calls a scholar a “squaw” and no one blinks. (Hint: “Squaw” is a horrible, degrading term for an indigenous woman’s genitals. How degrading? Call a black person the “N” word. It’s about like that.) Right now, Chief Theresa Spence is on a hunger strike in an effort to help the indigenous people of Canada, and yes, women and children make up a good number of those for whom she’s fighting — starving herself — to get a meeting with Canada’s Prime Minister.
The #WarOnWomen is not new. Patriarchal politics and religions have always hated women and our inherent strength. I’m white, but I’m a woman and a mother. To be targeted because of a woman’s gender always hits too close to home. The insanity and irrationality of racism is mind-boggling to me. But remembering the past can help us come together and end this misogynist tyranny once and for all.
Remember the Knee. We are all connected. Be the change.
trish
FURTHER READING:
LINKS:
Anatomy: Female Ejaculation and Woman’s Ability to Conceive
I came across a great site about yoni and all things Tantric for women and emotionally secure men. The blog is by a Tantrika/Dakini who is the “real deal,” not one of the so-called “urban tantra” bullshit artists. However, the following comment one man left on her blog shows just how little is still known about women’s anatomy and sexuality in popular culture thanks to women’s sexuality being vilified by misogynist religion and ignored in Western medicine and academia, while superstitions and myths are still rampant.
(Note: Misspellings are left in.)
i am just curious about one thing if stimulation is done aftifically with fingers on G spot its surely making pleasure for woman but does it keep woman healthy enough to be fertile and gave birth to kids after such an act. my question is can woman still conceive or become pregnant if she is ejaculating with fingers on G spot or it odes affect its reproductive system?
(XXXXXX)
I just posted this response, and so far it hasn’t been approved — fingers crossed, it will be.
Dear (XXXXXX),
You seem to be more concerned with your masculinity and virility than the woman’s pleasure. Your patriarchal, misogynist ego will be pleased to know that the female prostate’s ability to induce full-body/wave orgasms and secrete prostatic fluid has nothing to do with the viability of the woman’s eggs. If you’re concerned about being able to conceive, go get your sperm count checked before assuming any conception problem’s are the woman’s fault.
trish
Seriously. A woman ejaculating isn’t birth control… If it were, almost every woman between the ages of 15 and 50 would be drenching the sheets — every day, twice a day! (But please don’t let the GOP Republicans think it’s birth control ’cause they’d just criminalize that, too.)
Guys… female ejaculation is a beautiful thing. The biggest concern you should have with helping a woman ejaculate is can you drink it all up so her love nectar isn’t wasted.
I’ve covered this all before, but let’s go over the basics of female ejaculation:
- All women should be capable of ejaculating. Fear of urinating is what usually stops a woman from ejaculating even if the stimulation techniques are correct. (Other issues that can contribute to a woman not ejaculating include being dehydrated or the emotional/psychological issues from past sexual trauma.)
- Female ejaculate is NOT urine. It is prostatic fluid and mostly glucose, hence its sweet flavor and labeling by the ancients as the “nectar of the gods.”
- The amount of fluid released will vary from woman to woman — from a couple tablespoons to a couple cups of fluid, and can vary from release to release, even within the same sexual session.
- If a woman feels pressured by her partner to ejaculate in the first place — much less burst forth a specific amount, this can activate stress hormones and prevent her from getting wet at all — even though vaginal fluid is a different cocktail than prostate fluid.
Are we clear on this? Women experiencing mind-boggling pleasure is actually healthy for the woman physically, emotionally, psychologically, as well as sexually. Loving the vulva and vagina via yoni massage is one of the most beautiful ways you can show a woman respect sexually. And, at the risk of making men paranoid in the other direction, being able to help a woman ejaculate is super manly!
If your woman already ejaculates on her own, ask her to show you how she does it so you can see what she does and how she does it. Don’t help!!! (Unless she asks you to.) Just be there to lap up the delicious juices.
trish
FURTHER READING:
LINKS:
NEWS: Abortion Rights When Mother’s Life Is at Stake – Savita Halappanavar Dies in Ireland
The story of 31 year-old dentist Savita Halappanavar dying in an Irish Catholic hospital is infuriating women and men around the world. She died from a miscarriage because the Catholic hospital officials refused to terminate the pregnancy… because Ireland is a “Catholic country.”
This is just one woman in one country who has lost her life because of medical, governmental, and religious systems that deny a woman’s basic human right to choose what happens to her body — even when her life is at stake and the doctors acknowledged the fetus would not survive anyway.
What happened to Savita’s rights to body integrity? What happened to the doctors’ oaths to care for their patient?
And when will Ireland realize that the death-grip the Catholic Church has on it has done much more harm than it ever did any good?
Comments? Want to share your irate disbelief? Share you opinion and what we can do to stop the deaths of women in this misogynist world. For in depth discussion with other like-minded folks, get a profile onthe AW Forum and comment here.
Wake up people, and let’s END THE MISOGYNY!
trish
AskTrish: Man Ponders Women’s Perspective of an Open, Polyamorous Relationship
Dear Trish,
I’m a 50 year-old straight (but bi-curious) male. I have been with my female partner for 5 years now and have been living with her for 4 years. I am in school 300 miles away. The past few months, while I have been here, I have talked to her about exploring her own sexuality — not an open relationship as I am not wanting that, just giving her the freedom to explore whatever desires she finds. I believe there is great healing in sexual freedom which is truly empowering. So, tomorrow night she has a ‘movie night’ with a friend of ours who has made it very clear he wants to fuck her. He is a good friend and the safe factor is one that cannot be ignored. I actually encouraged him to move ahead with pursuing her at my birthday party on Friday night! Can a person be able to feel true happiness at the thought of his partner not only having sex with a friend, but encouraging it and enjoying her pleasure by offering her the liberty to do so as she desires? I know the idea is so very exciting to me, but I don’t hear talk about this stuff in many places. I know I will be so very happy when she tells me all about it tomorrow night, I guess I am just looking to hear a woman’s thought on having that level of freedom while in a committed relationship, albeit a long distance one. Do you have any thoughts on this? I guess the bottom line is how deep does ‘control’ run in the male psyche?! I feel so un-male by being so seemingly un-normal! Would you, as a woman, feel ‘liberated’ or some other something else? Would this kind of freedom (for lack of a better term) be received as a negative by women?
James
Ontario, Canada
Dear James,
A million thoughts are running through my head, many of which you may not like. So please accept my response with a grain of salt as it comes with a healthy dose of tough love. Since you’re in Canada, I’m too far away to give you the ass-kicking my Irish fire really wants to administer. Clearly, the misogyny of patriarchal culture is entrenched in the northern climes — which is sad since I’ve always heard Canadians were so nice.
I’ll address your male psyche first. You are not “un-manly” or “un-normal.” You are following your desires as a consenting adult. Neither a sexually repressed society nor antiquated, misogynist religion should be your barometer in pursuing adult relationships. However, these negative influences have shaped you as evidenced in your verbiage, which I purposely left whole so you could see your subconscious language patterns: “giving her the freedom,” “offering her the liberty,” “a woman’s thought on having that level of freedom,” “would you, as a woman, feel ‘liberated’”… What century are you living in?! And are you sure you don’t live in Arizona?
Whether this relationship you have with your woman is committed, casual, or even legally bound with a prison sentence marriage license, she is a free, autonomous human being and can “fuck” or “make love” with whomever she chooses, and she doesn’t need your permission or your “giving” her the liberty and freedom from psychological slavery to pursue the physical and emotional needs of her own body, heart, and mind. Capiche?
I’ll get off my soap box because I know your intention is not to sound like a misogynist jerk. Your language is indicative of living in an oppressive patriarchal culture while your heart and spirit desperately want validation and freedom from that very oppression.
Clearly, you and your woman have great communication, for which I applaud you! While you say you don’t want an open relationship, you, in fact, have one. It could even be polyamory if the other partner(s) have emotional feelings as well. These types of relationships are not talked about in society for the same reason homosexual and bisexual relationships are still taboo — they threaten the hetero-patriarchal dynamic that limits relationships to male/female and institutionalizes the hierarchy of a superior male with an inferior female’s body and mind being owned by the male.
For me, I have sworn I would never do another long distance relationship because they’re expensive, annoying, and sexually frustrating. However, I have always thought that sex “in the meantime” is okay because we all have needs. The body wants sex. The heart wants love. You make accommodations when you can’t be with the one you love via abstinence, cheating, or an open relationship where both people understand there is a physical need that is separate from the emotional need — if that is an understanding that is right for the both of you.
For instance, if I were in a relationship with a soldier, knowing he or she will be gone for months or even longer than a year, I would tell them to have sex when they can with someone “safe,” i.e., don’t bring home any diseases. The body has needs and wants. So I’m perfectly fine with them having sex with a fellow soldier or “safe” partner while on deployment. Do what you need to do to make it through the day to stay alive and come home.
Some species mate for life while most of the earth’s inhabitants only have flings or “open” relationships for each mating season. Humans may choose monogamy or polyamory as dictated by their personal needs or spiritual/religious beliefs.
Polyamorous relationships are not fully understood or accepted by most monogamous people. The non-poly people don’t understand how two people in a committed relationship can be with others outside the relationship and not get jealous. Getting jealous is just not something in the make-up of polyamorous folks. This hippie/free-love notion of open acceptance and loving everyone is a threat to our competition-driven imperialistic society that thrives on conflict and profits from war. Polyamory will never be accepted as a mainstream lifestyle in the West until the oppressive overlords figure out how to make money off of it.
Back in my early 20′s, the theatre orgies I participated in were a revelation in how committed couples can explore their sexuality with friends — with their partner participating, watching, or exploring with someone else — and no one ever got jealous. Ever. There was no reason to get jealous because the desires and explorations were out in the open, as opposed to “cheating” behind a partner’s back. Exploring our bodies sexually had nothing to do with the love for a committed partner…. But that’s bohemian artists for you!
I have friends who have been in polyamorous relationships — a man and his female partner with another woman whose male partner was a prude. His jealousy of her need for the poly relationship put a damper on all four of them. So, James, embrace your open relationship, and revel in the level of communication you and your partner have because what you have is rare and wonderful!
You also have a voyeuristic side to you, and I’m sure you not only want to hear about the sex your partner is having with her friend/fling, but you probably wouldn’t mind sitting in the corner and watching, yes? If you’re turned on by watching your partner flirt, there’s no harm in that as long as both of you have that clear understanding. Problems arise when one partner wants things for the relationship that the other partner does not.
I would be interested to hear why, at the age of 50, you’re bi-curious and have never taken the plunge! Following your desires instead of living vicariously through your woman’s experiences with men might open a whole new world of sexual possibilities for your relationship. Being with two guys is as much a fantasy for a lot of women as being with two women is a dream for a lot of men.
You are normal. You are masculine. You and your partner are doing just fine, in my opinion. Keep up the wonderful communication between the two of you. Do let me know how ‘movie night’ went! Also, leave a comment if you have any more questions — and to tell me you forgive my tough love.
trish
* Read more AskTrish: AskTrish Posts *
* AskTrish a question: AskTrish *
OpEd: GOP Labels All Us Uppity Liberals & Freethinkers for Our Binders
‘Nuff said…
To support AW Radio & Forum, visit Trish’s GoFundMe page.
NEWS: Romney & GOP Prefer Their Bitches in ‘Binders Full Of Women’
Just when you think the GOP vagina hate-fest can’t get any more absurd or obscene, Mitt Romney went all out during the second presidential debate last night. Though he was trying to impress America with his affirmative action stance of hiring women just because they have birth canals, his wording again reveals the depths of his disdain not only for women, but Americans in general.
His comment about keeping “binders full of women” made me wonder… If Romney keeps vaginas in binders, does he also have Binders full of Gays, or Binders Full of Liberals, or Binders full of Atheists?
All I see is that the GOP, Right Wing Nut Job Republican faction can crawl into my Binder Full of Assholes.
From a mandatory ultrasound prior to an abortion to saying pregnancy starts 2 weeks prior to conception, the Republicans are systemically legislating our bodies via their religion, their politics, and complete lack of understanding of the female body and basic biology. They are insinuating their dogma into our vaginas and uteruses, stripping away our self-autonomy rights as individual human beings one misogynist law at a time.
Any woman who actually votes FOR these assholes clearly hates herself, her daughters, and all women.
Below are a few highlights from the 2012 election year — the year that brought us the War on Women, #WhereAreTheWomen, and #VAGINA as a trending word on Twitter:
- NEWS: Rep. Todd Akin Defines ‘Legitimate Rape’ for All of Us Pretend Rape Victims
- NEWS: Michigan Lawmaker Reprimanded for Saying “Vagina”
- NEWS: Republicans Still Waging War on Women – ‘Paycheck Fairness Act’ Dies
- NEWS: What If Men’s Reproductive Rights Got Snipped?
- NEWS: List of 31 Senators Who Voted Against the Violence Against Women Act (& the Coward Who Didn’t Vote at All)
- NEWS: The War on Women
- NEWS: No Women on House of Representatives’ Birth Control Panel
- NEWS: Susan G. Komen Finally Shows Its True Colors – And It’s NOT Pink!
trish
For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s Daily O.J.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman
NEWS: Raising $$$ for ArousedWoman Radio & Forum!
This is a quick note to let everyone know that I am taking the bull by the horns and starting up the Radio show and Forum that I’ve been wanting to create for a while now.
So many people ask me if I do podcasts, and I have to tell them, yes, but not yet for AW. Well, that’s changing!
While we dream of Utopia, running a radio show and hosting a forum is not free. It costs money for the licensed platforms even when the daily toil of maintaining each is based on sweat equity.
AW Radio will cover all aspects of the AW raison d’etre including Women’s Sexuality, Women’s Rights, LGBT, Survivors of Abuse, Religious Freedom, Indigenous Rights, Environmental Issues, Healthcare, Anti-Circumcision/Body Autonomy issues, and more.
The AW Forum will provide a safe place for like-minded individuals and orgs to talk about issues, recovery, and more importantly, foster solutions to put into practice. The Forum will be membership-based (to keep out the crazies) at $14.95/year, with a portion of the proceeds being donated annually to 2 organizations as voted on by the Forum community.
For more info on the Radio show as well as the Forum, visit my GoFundMe page I’ve started. Donations are securely processed by either WePay or PayPal (your choice!).
Be sure to check out the REWARD that accompanies each donation level, and make a TAX-DEDUCTIBLE donation if you can.
Thank you!
trish
AskTrish: SexEd Teacher Wants to Overcome Shame on Issue of Masturbation
I teach SexEd for 15 / 16 year-olds. I usually manage to have an open atmosphere and we discuss all different topics openly (I even created an experiment how condoms react to different lubrications). Where I have always failed was the topic of masturbation. I think it is a very important topic, but how could I overcome the shame issue? Any ideas?
Dear Trantor1970,
This is a wonderful and timely question! This issue resonates with me not only because of ArousedWomanBlog, but also because my teenage daughter is taking SexEd right now in high school. As someone who loves sex and being sexual, I think everyone should have honest, non-judgmental information available to them. As a mother, deep inside, I’m a little freaked out that my baby is learning about sex anywhere much less at school. Thankfully, we’ve had chats about the vagina and her body before this.
I’m not sure if you teach in a public or private school, but for now, I’ll assume it is a public school. Since you do condom experiments, it sounds as if you have a good rapport with your students. This is very important when tackling the hard issues, such as masturbation.
The shame of masturbation is intrinsically tied to the misogyny and oppression of religion. Any sex that was not partnered and heterosexual was demonized by the Church and other patriarchal religions centuries ago. Extra-marital sex, homosexual sex, and solo sex were all frowned upon because legitimate (male) heirs could not be born from these forms of sex. (The Church and Western culture just love their male heirs.)
Another kooky aspect of religion is the notion that the body belongs to “God,” should be put to use for “God’s work,” to do “God’s will.” This medieval mental hogwash strips the notion of body autonomy from the start — the person is a vessel; the person does not have a right to his or her own body because it is owned by a deity in the sky.
As a public school teacher, this line of thinking presents a problem because of the topic of religion. For a parochial school teacher, talking about religion may be more easily allowed, but truth about sex, masturbation, birth control, et al, may not be told in a private religious school. However, it is religion that forms the basis for the enduring shame of sex, birth control, and abortion — a pernicious misogyny that has sunk its talons into government as well.
Not talking about religion when talking about any of this is strange to me, but I’ll leave that soapbox alone for now… (except to say that I get irate when my daughter tells me they were talking about religion in her public school. I have the ACLU on speed-dial, and I’m not afraid to contact a teacher or principal to find out the exact curriculum being taught to my child.)
As I told my daughter when she was 13, “Your body is yours to explore as you choose.” Leaving religion out of the masturbation dialogue, I would approach it this way. Start by not using the polarizing, giggle-inducing word, “masturbation.” Call it “Solo Sex.” By using a different term, it allows the listener to actually contemplate the information rather than falling back on emotional, knee-jerk reactions. Notice, in the paragraph up above, I used the term “extra-marital sex” and not “adultery.” The latter term has a more grave, more judgmental, shameful, sinful connotation (thanks to religion).
Make your points by positioning the conversation in a logical way with supportive arguments:
- Your body is yours to explore as you choose.
- Solo sex is natural and normal. (Perhaps give examples of other species that masturbate.)
- Solo sex is a great way to learn about your body, your specific erogenous zones, and your individual sexual response. (Each of us is unique. How will a partner know your zones if you don’t know what to tell him/her about your body?)
- Solo sex is a great way to sort through the raging hormones and experience orgasm without engaging in partnered sex before you’re really ready.
- With solo sex, you won’t get pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted disease.
Even then, students may ask about the religious aspect, i.e., “But won’t I go to Hell for touching myself?” I would say, “I’m here to teach you about your body not religious dogma.” Removing religion and the subsequent cultural attitude helps lesson the shame of the issue. The shame from religion stems from the Church’s quest to control every ounce of a person’s mind, will, body, and soul, especially that of women. That was how the Church leaders stayed in power and made money. Puritanical American culture has continued this misogyny against women through body-shaming, name-calling, and other cultural forms of judgment based on a woman’s sexual freedom with her body.
The most blatant and vicious assault on women was the European and New World witch trials. Forget the myths of hexes and magical mojo — Did you know that “witchcraft” was officially a capital sex crime? Ironically, other countries look at America with ridicule because of how immature our country still is in regard to true, passionate, fulfilling sex… (but sexualized violence and rape are okay in American media, video games, comic books, and culture).
For me, masturbation is a body autonomy issue, a basic human right, as is protecting children from the violent sexual abuse of having their genitals mutilated (notice, I didn’t use the word “circumcision” — it’s all in the phrasing). When we acknowledge our bodily autonomy, we acknowledge our inherent freedom as human beings. People masturbate for various reasons:
- Solo sex and orgasm feel good (awesome, even!).
- A person may have solo sex because he or she does not have or does not want a partner… (Believe it or not, there may be times in your life when you don’t want another person in your bed.)
- A man or woman’s significant other is unable to have partnered sex due to illness or disability.
- Solo sex allows a sexual abuse survivor to reclaim his or her body, sexuality, and bodily autonomy.
Masturbation is the butt of jokes in television shows all the time, which I find to be truly sad. Masturbating can be a beautiful way to love yourself and to learn yourself. For me, solo sex has been the key to resolving my past abuse, loving my body, integrating my various parts to become a whole woman, and ergo, a whole human being.
I hope something I’ve said will help you. Please write back and let me know how it went!
trish
* Read more AskTrish: AskTrish Posts *
* AskTrish a question: AskTrish *
DailyOJ 08-17-12, Part 1: Twitter War Triggers Blocked Chakra Energy
I’m writing this a few days after the fact for a couple of reasons:
1 – The events of this day were very powerful to me on an orgasmic and a human level. I needed time to process them.
2 – The GOP had to go all stupid (again), and the entire weekend was dealing with the idiocy of rape culture.
So back at the drawing board here… my headspace has been so filled with the memory of my rape and reading readers comments, telling me about their rapes, that Friday seems blurry… like it was 18 years ago and the rape was last week… or yesterday…
But the events of Friday were important so I will detail them, though perhaps not as elegantly as usual.
Friday morning began with getting my daughter on the school bus, after which I caught the local bus to the grocery store. While shopping in the produce section, a small Twitter war began in which I was being ridiculed for being from Mississippi — as usual, and also as usual, made to be at fault for all of Mississippi’s past ill history. Of course, I stood up for my state — my point being that Mississippi has a flawed past as do most states in this country. (What? New York was a slave state?! Yes. Quelle surprise! ) The New England states just like to think they’re perfect. They’re not.
The perception of Mississippi will never change because the media and American culture like having someone at whom to point the accusatory finger, to blame for all the bad things in the U.S., which conveniently keeps them from looking in the mirror and fixing their own problems. The news never reports the good things that happen here — just the bad… unless that bad thing is Hurricane Katrina — that the media reported hit New Orleans — it didn’t. The northeastern eyewall went over my house in Gulfport, MS, while we were inside, and I’ve got the coordinates to prove it!
As you can see, a lifetime of Post Traumatic Stress came up with that one stupid Twitter altercation, that ironically was with friends, but I was the butt of all the jokes and the lone voice for what is good and nice about Mississippi. This hurt greatly that the ridicule came from friends because the incident triggered deeper hurts that I have held on to since childhood.
Being from Mississippi, I am not good enough. For anything.
In dealing with the Broadway world for my day job and my radio show, I always dreaded being offered press seats that I would have to turn down because I don’t live in New York. Invariably, they would ask me where I live (because how can a person cover Broadway and not be in New York?! (From working very, very, VERY hard!). I dreaded giving the answer, but always said with a smile on my face and a lilt in my voice: “On the beautiful Mississippi Gulf Coast.”
Silence. Shock on the other end… “Well, you don’t sound like you’re from Mississippi!”… “Oh, really? And how do Mississippians sound?” (Like TV and Hollywood stereotypes!)… “Well, um…”… Then I feel obligated to explain my mother was a literature professor and my father was a physics teacher turned physicist for the government, to somehow prove Mississippians aren’t stupid. In fact, when I bought my new smartphone last year, I got a Manhattan number so at least when I ring the press agents, it just saves time not having to explain my area code… except that after three years, they know me now.
Having to defend myself just as an intelligent, well-read, educated, erudite ActivistArtist(TM) on a daily basis just gets old. It’s exhausting. And I realized it’s something I’ve been doing since I was a kid. Trying to prove my worth as a human being regardless of one thing or another — the color of my skin, my freckles, my religious choices as a Pagan/Witch, being bisexual, having a child out of wedlock in a Red State, dealing with being molested as a kid, thinking I was doomed to Hell thanks to Catholic brainwashing, dealing with being raped as an adult and not reporting it for fear of public ridicule, losing my identity as a person and an artist thanks to my asshole marriage, regrouping with my musical work that was stalled because of the destruction of Hurricane Katrina, dealing with the bad economy, the BP Oil Spill, then becoming a single mom in an affluent artists’ hamlet. I’m just tired.
So Friday, after a week of horrendous back pain which began after I started back with KSMO, I got home, sat down at my desk, and had a really good, gut-wrenching cry. Not a pretty, dabbing-the-eyes cry. No, this was full-out, cathartic wailing.
The crying brought me to my source of the pain — the fear that I am not good enough to be loved by anyone. That if someone did love me, I have no idea why he would. The irony is that I know I’m kinda fabulous in many ways. I’ve got the bustline and the music fellowship grants to prove it. But deep down… deeeeeeeeeeep down, I still have issues…. being told I was ugly as a kid, being told I was fat, that I should kill myself, that I’m going to Hell — for numerous reasons, then actually being fat as an adult, losing my sense of self and place in this world, hearing my asshole ex-husband’s ridicule of my singing voice and my original music plus his hurtful words regarding my body if I got breast reduction surgery, complaining that I got too wet during sex, that I shouldn’t do anything during sex because he would get insecure.
At times, it just feels like I’ve spent 39 years of doing nothing right.
Within an hour of this little emotional breakdown, I noticed my back was loosening up. The pain, I then realized, was in a place in my back that I don’t normally get back pain. Usually, the knots are along my bra straps horizontally across my ribs and vertically in both shoulder blade areas. This pain was in the center, at the spine, directly behind my heart. I jokingly thought that maybe the crying had knocked something loose. Then I thought about that again. The excruciating pain I had had for a week was literally almost gone. The pain that was left was not the pain of clenched muscles contracting nerves (anymore), it was more like sore muscles, exhausted from clenching and spasming for the past week. I could move through those vertebrae again — and I had not been able to do that all week! The immobility through my back had prevented most kinds of orgasm — the stealth, Kundalini O’s make my back arch so there was no way to do that as I was accustomed… the few times I had stealth O’d, I literally tucked my pelvis so my back wouldn’t try to arch — not nearly as much fun. The nipple orgasms were completely nonexistent because the nipple’s nerves stem straight off the spinal cord in that exact area of my pain — the area of my physical heart and my esoteric/Tantric heart chakra.
Looking at the time, I figured I’d better get on with my session for the day. With the weekend coming up and the prospect of my period starting Monday-ish, I knew vaginal O’s would be another week away if I didn’t get this sh’O on the road… Now that my back could arch, I wanted orgasms!!!!
* Read Part 2 here! *
Aroused and unblocking,
trish
For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s DailyOJ.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman
NEWS: Rep. Todd Akin Defines ‘Legitimate Rape’ for All of Us Pretend Rape Victims
Just when you think the Grand Ol’ Party can’t sink any lower in its blatant misogyny of women, women’s rights, and their outlook on women’s bodies, Rep. Todd Akin reveals a whole new abyss of as yet unexplored hatred of the female sex.
It wasn’t long ago that men were the only ones on the House panel on birth control, that 31 Senators voted against the Violence Against Women Act, and the GOP in Michigan censored a female state representative, violating her First Amendment right to free speech. Now, the GOP creeps us out further.
In a TV interview, Rep. Todd Akin (R-Mo.) had this to say about his views on abortion, even if conception is due to rape:
“From what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. But let’s assume maybe that didn’t work or something. I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist.”
Wow.
So Akin is now a medical expert as well as a judge-and-jury on “Legitimate Rape?” So all of us who have been raped now need to measure our own horrible experience with sexual abuse by his and the GOP’s standard? A standard which has no medical basis? Because, according to Akin, every woman who has ever said she got pregnant from being raped was lying?!
The GOP RWNJ Republicans rape women on a daily basis! Oh, wait that’s “Legislative Rape” as they are systematically removing laws and undoing decades of work women have literally fought and died for in the battle for equality. And that kind of rape of women, our rights, and our bodies is just hunky-dorey.
This is a blatant sign of the ensuing institutionalized brainwashing against women that we can expect if the GOP continues to buy its power via elections in the United States.
What’s worse than our rape experiences being de-valued by the patriarchal, misogynist GOP is that this makes men look bad as well. The men who love women and support women’s rights will be lumped into either the GOP misogynist corner or the corner of “all men” who are abusers.
By the way, Akin’s thoughts on the morning-after pill are pretty clear as well:
“[T]he morning-after pill is a form of abortion, and I think we just shouldn’t have abortion in this country.”
Maybe we should not have misogyny in this country?! The elections this year are paramount to blocking the GOP’s persistent #WarOnWomen!
Agree? Disagree? Leave a comment below!
trish
MyTweet & Comments 08-15-12: Freethinking Utopia & the 2012 Election
As the negativity on Twitter has compelled me to lay low on the social networking site, I did pop in to update my tweeps on AW’s growing stats and readership (<– shameless plug!). And of course, I like to chat with my like-minded free-thinkers.
Without waxing too poetic, I’m finding the negativity of politics too much to tolerate. I don’t watch “the news” and I don’t even have a TV (gave it away). But 2012 is an important year in women’s rights as well as for the country as a whole. As much as I want to live in my hippy free-love Utopia, I know that is not a real possibility… for now… For now, we must be vigilant and ensure the GOP doesn’t win the White House. VOTE, PEOPLE!
Anyhoo, had this chat with a friend, and it brought a smile to my face. So Twitter isn’t evil all the time. 
trish
(Click image to enlarge)
OpEd: My Rape, Rape Culture, & Why Women Need to Talk About Rape
As a stage artist, I trained my voice for years. I studied the sounds we make and how we make them. As a writer, and especially as a lyricist, I have toiled over the perfect words to scribe for dialogue or a song because the sound of the word itself has as much of an effect on the listener as the meaning of the word.
Just talking about rape brings strong emotions from women (and men!) who have experienced rape as a teen or an adult, or rape as a child, more commonly known by its euphemistic pseudonym, molestation.
Years ago, I realized that “rape” is a harsh word just as the act of rape is harsh. The growling of the “R”, the blunt hit of the unaspirated, hard “P” mimics the sharp, precise consonants’ onomatopoeia effect of “BruTal” and “aTTacK.” Conversely, the word “molestation” rolls of the tongue, rendering the word practically useless in conveying the horror of being raped as a child and softening the disdain society might otherwise feel. Example, decide for yourself which sounds worse: “A priest molested a boy” … or … “A priest raped a boy.”
I’ve rarely talked about my “molestation” as a kid, and I’ve almost never talked about the night I was raped. Only recently did I even tell people that I was still a virgin at age 21 — it was here on this blog, actually. For some reason, our hypersexualized culture has made it shameful to hold off on sex until a person is really ready. It’s as if teens must be sexual or they’re not normal. I was normal in many ways, but still dealing with my “molestation,” I had lots of issues I had to work out on my own when I was a teenager.
Also, my rape was not “real” rape. My rape would be sub-classified as “date-rape.”
We were in my bedroom — so clearly, I was “asking for it.” I was wearing a button down shirt and jeans. In 1994, it was fashionable to wear jeans that had rips in them. Mine did, right along the ass-line of the left leg. If a woman can show some butt cheek when she wears a swimsuit or shorts, I didn’t see the harm in a little peek-a-boo of my upper thigh at the butt line. And I was in my own home.
We were talking on the bed — but neither he nor I even mentioned having sex together. The next thing I knew I was being flipped over, my shirt ripped open, and he was inside me. I couldn’t think. The shock of pain like a thousand daggers stabbing me in my core and up my spine was something I’d never felt before. I couldn’t breathe. My brain started going into survival mode, and I felt like I was about to black out. I felt as if I were falling backward into an abyss. I couldn’t feel the bed or even him in that moment, just falling and shockingly intense pain throughout my body.
I realized I was still wearing my jeans. The button was still done, the zipper was zipped. He had entered me through the rip in my jeans. Dry mouthed, I asked him to slow down so I could adjust. All the while, I’m thinking, “How did he do that? Just breathe… How did he get inside of me with my jeans still on?” He said my tightness just made him harder, so he went faster. He said he couldn’t help himself… He pulled out, pulled me on the floor to my knees and told me to suck him off — he’d been wanting me to give him a blow job “for forever,” he said. Then he grabbed my hair and rammed my head down on his erection. I was still in shock, so my mouth must have felt like sandpaper. I was in a daze, on my knees, trying not to throw up, wearing all my clothes, trying to process what was happening. Just as quickly, it was over, and he was leaving. He was a friend. Dazed, but still true to my Southern upbringing of being polite, I walked him to his apartment a few buildings over. I walked home, but noticed I couldn’t feel the ground beneath me; my legs felt like jelly.
I stood in the center of my room, looking at the bed. I felt this whoosh of fluid. I was bleeding. I bled for 4 days. I thought about going to the police, but most of the people I knew also knew him. And if it went to trial, my “character witnesses” would all say they thought I’d been whoring for years — everyone assumed I was “loose” because I had large breasts. I feared being laughed at by the male policemen, ridiculed in court, verbally attacked by the opposing lawyer — I’ve watched enough TV to know how rape accusers are treated in court.
Yet, the hardest part — the part that actually made me not report my rape — was having to say in public that I was technically still a virgin at the old age of 21. Who would believe that? So I didn’t go to the police. Or the hospital. I just prayed I had not contracted some disease. After all, it seemed getting raped was inevitable in our society, so why should I complain? It’s not like is was a “bad rape” like being mauled in an alley by a scary boogeyman.
So then, maybe I wasn’t really raped. Maybe it was “just sex” after all…. Maybe sex with all my clothes on and without my permission is just “date-sex-I-didn’t-want-to-have-especially-since-I-was-a-virgin-but-it’s-not-really-rape.” Maybe Comedy Central comedian Daniel Tosh has a funny rape-joke commentary to make on my behalf?
People still think rape only occurs when the scary boogeyman assaults a woman in the mall parking lot at 10 p.m. Most women are raped by men (or women!) they know, particularly their spouses, family members, or neighbors. Rape is not the bullshit storyline you’ll see on Lifetime Television for Victims, just like you won’t find the secrets of orgasms in a Cosmo poll.
Because of my experience, I don’t do “blow jobs” — I do oral sex on my terms. I tell a man ahead of time not to grab my hair or he’s getting a fist in his balls. I also don’t get on my knees for any man or any god. More importantly, I don’t blame all men or hate the penis for what was done to me by one man.
As the mother of a daughter, the one thing that guided me in practically every decision I have made in her care and upbringing was that I wanted her to get to the age of 18 without being molested or raped. Now that she’s 14, I’m working on making sure she has a foundation of what is right for her and that she never has to succumb to an abuser. The age of 18 is now innocuous as I no longer hold the pessimistic world view that being raped is an inevitable fact of life for women.
Rape is not inevitable. Rape is preventable. To me, “rape culture” is a society that knows rape and sexual abuse are wrong but looks the other way while mocking the survivors who are willing to speak up and shaming the survivors too scared to speak out.
When our culture stops heeding the media’s marketing and drinking the misogynist KoolAid that de-values our experiences as rape survivors, only then can we adequately prevent rape from happening. Women, men, and children are experience rape on a daily basis. Rape culture exists in religion as well as government and society. Rape is a tool of war. It’s time we put an end to the rape culture that propagates sexual abuse while it terrorizes and punishes the survivors.
Rape is not inevitable. Rape is preventable. End #RapeCulture.
trish
OpEd: Fucking Cherokee Men (and Other People of Color)
As a kid in Mississippi, the Native culture was all around. State law requires 5th graders to take a year of Mississippi history, and high school students have to take at least one semester of Mississippi history to get their high school diploma. I’ve been very fortunate to have several mentors who literally changed my life, and the irony that most of them were American Indian has not been lost on me.
When I entered Catholic schools in 4th grade, I discovered just how cruel the elitist class could be. Because of my fair skin, I was called “albino.” Because my hair was a weird strawberry-blonde color and my eyes were blue-green, I was called “mutant.” Add in my freckles and the gap in my front teeth, I was a treasure trove of reasons for the rich kids to ridicule me.
This was also around the time the movie E.T. came out. So playing on the mutant/alien theme, I would hear, “Hey, E.T., here’s a quarter, why don’t you phone home? ‘Cause we don’t want you here!” … or … “Hey, E.T. Guess you’re here ’cause your alien family didn’t want you either.”
When I hit puberty, I was suddenly taller than everyone, and I grew breasts and hips, making me wider than everyone else, too. The kids took my first name, Patricia, and renamed me “Fatty Patty.” I was not overweight, but reality did not matter. When we studied World War II and learned about the Japanese suicide bombers, the Kamikaze, the bullies at school then took my last name, Causey, and used it in taunts: “Hey, Kami-Causey, you’re so ugly, why don’t you go fly a plane and kill yourself?!” … or… “Hey, Kami-Causey, you’re so fat, why don’t you go fly a plane — oh, wait, you’re so fat, the plane wouldn’t get off the ground.”
The “in” look of the late 1970′s and early 1980′s, as portrayed by models like Cheryl Tiegs and Christie Brinkley, was the Midwestern tall, thin, tan stereotype. I certainly didn’t fit the bill. Except for my grandmother, I was the shortest female in my family. I was 5-foot-6. In my Scotch-Irish family, the women were Amazons and the men were tree trunks. I was short — for my family.
Somewhere in these formative years, I developed a liking for men who were tall, dark, and handsome… or at least tall and dark. Maybe it was a matter of “opposites attract,” or maybe I just had too many years of being made to feel worthless because of the way I looked. Maybe it was the cultural and media conditioning of Disney movies where the “Prince” is usually tall and dark. Or perhaps it is just a cruel fact of nature that blonde men are stupid… and arrogant… On a side note, I hope a blonde man will prove me wrong one day. Also, I prefer brunette women, but sex with a redhead would just be redundant.
I support colorblind casting in theatre. Everyone should be given a chance regardless of what they look like. And I’ve always felt that reverse discrimination is still discrimination. Isn’t discriminating for just as bad as discriminating against? And yet, growing up in the elitist world of private schools and the fine arts, having “discriminating tastes” was a sign of being well-bred and “cultured.” Looking back, I can see now why some people were shocked that my best friends in (Catholic) high school were a Jewish girl, a black guy, and a short, overweight girl who ate Wendy’s burgers to curb her sexual fetishes… and then there were all my gay theatre friends…
When I was 17, an American Indian ballet dancer pointed me in the direction of my Irish heritage. It was amazing to finally be connected with people who looked like me! And learning about the pre-Christian traditions of the Gaelic people was life-changing for me. But meeting him — this gorgeous, tall, gorgeous, dark, exotic, gorgeous, NDN male ballet dancer who exuded virile masculinity even though he wore tights on his gorgeous muscular legs and his gorgeous buns of steel… Sorry… I digress… Meeting him opened my eyes to men other than the WASPs and redneck assholes I’d met so far.
Participating in an international theatre competition in South Korea at age 21, I fell in love with the Korean people, and my eyes were opened to the beauty of Asian men. (Yes, I now watch “Hawaii Five-0″ for Daniel Dae Kim. I could totally fuck his cheekbones!) And yet, I have a fondness in my heart (and in my loins) for the Black Irish and Black Scots like Pierce Brosnan and Sean Connery, respectively. Years ago, I developed a fascination with India and all things Hindu, so those dudes are most definitely on my vagina’s radar. A sure sign of progress, television now offers a beautiful rainbow of men to ogle, thanks to diversity casting (albeit for still somewhat stereotypical roles). And truth be told, being a white chick from Mississippi, I just assume no black guy would want to be with me, so no, I haven’t bothered in that department (doesn’t mean I wouldn’t if I got the chance, though! Call me.).
However, the idea of purposely choosing a partner for the way he or she looks — or for his or her ethnicity — didn’t enter my awareness until a conversation I had while working with a ballet seamstress of Cherokee and Choctaw blood.
Studying ancient cultures and other peoples of the world, I found that most of the world has black hair and brown eyes, while reddish hair and blue-green eyes really are the results of mutant genes…. Oh, well…. The good news was that lusting after dark men isn’t really discriminating for that “look.” Choosing a man with dark coloring is actually just the law of averages at play. So then choosing a mate really comes down to penis size.
(Just kidding. Still reading?)
Joanne, the Cherokee/Choctaw master seamstress, and I worked on the costumes for an upcoming production of The Nutcracker. I think she was bedazzling a Sugar Plum Fairy costume — except she was doing it old school, hand-sewing each cabochon rhinestone and sequin by hand. Meanwhile, I was put in charge of working on the Mouse King’s giant chicken-wire and shag carpet-covered head. As a woman in her 60′s, working with the carpet materials was too much for her hands.
She would often reminisce about previous ballet competitions and the former great dancers. She would also talk about being from the reservation here in Mississippi and being poor. At this time in her life, Joanne was looking forward to marrying her second husband, and I noticed she would often talk about her first husband from many years prior, the father of her children, who were now grown. Knowing that she needed to vent, I let her. I loved her dearly as a friend and mentor. She was a prolific articulator of the words “fuck” and “asshole.” I loved her even more for it.
Working in complete silence, Joanne suddenly started the conversation that inspired this post…
“He was a mean asshole.”
I thought she was talking about the Artistic Director. “Fernando?!”
“No, my first husband… He was a mean asshole.”
“Why?” I asked.
“He was a full-blood Cherokee and cantankerous as all get out…. Yep. He was an asshole.”
Silence. Several minutes passed.
“When he would drink was when it was the worst,” she continued. “He’d start some stupid shit just to start an argument. And he seemed to forget I’m Cherokee and Choctaw. And an Indian woman doesn’t put up with an Indian man’s bullshit. Fuck that!”
In complete naivete, I inquired, “Joanne, why on earth would you stay with someone like that?”
She looked off into the distance, “He was only like that when he drank too much. But when he was sober, he could fuck like nobody’s business!”
“Joanne!”
“It’s true. He didn’t realize I let him have his drunk rampages ’cause I knew the fuckin’ we’d be doing when he was sober and sorry about it.” She looked me square in the eye. “If you ever get the chance to fuck a Cherokee man, do it! You won’t regret it! Best fuckers out there!”
“Joanne!” I exclaimed, still incredulous. “Isn’t that racist?! “
“It would be, if I were talking about his skin… But I’m talking about his dick. And Cherokee men can fuck like nobody’s business.”
So ……………… um …………………….. Any Cherokee men out there???
Aroused and heading for the stomping grounds,
trish
Related articles:
- OpEd: Wounded Knee 1890 – U.S. Still Wages #WarOnWomen
- Anatomy: Female Ejaculation and Woman’s Ability to Conceive
- AskTrish: Stop Ejaculating and Have Multiple Orgasms Already
- OpEd: Want Me to Talk Dirty? Bite Me.
Links:
OpEd: FUCKING CHEROKEE MEN (AND OTHER PEOPLE OF COLOR)
OpEd: THE FACE OF ORGASM: IS YOUR WOMAN FAKING ORGASMS OR NOT?
DailyOJ: ALLOWING AND RECEIVING
MyTweets & Comments 08-19-12: “You Want to Milk Your Rape for Sympathy”
With the ridiculous comment from Rep. Todd Akin about “legitimate rape,” all of Twitter was a-buzz with chatter on the subject of rape. Interestingly, the topic which had started out being on abortion had shifted dramatically to rape, and not surprisingly, society once again placing the blame and the shame of rape on the women — the rape victim.
Out of nowhere, this jerk, “Dan,” buts into the civil convo I was having with my friend @sevenlayercake — though we differ in viewpoints, she and I can have amiable conversations. Whenever a Twitter interloper butts in, I check their bio. This guy was supposedly an “outspoken gay professional.” As a loudmouth Scotch-Irisher and theatre pro, I can certainly handle this guy.
I posted the link to my recent article on my rape — something I have never, ever, ever, EVER told the details of to anyone alive or dead on this earth until I wrote this article on it a few days ago. Why? For the very reason, I didn’t think anyone would believe me. And this jackwad says, “You want to milk your rape for sympathy.”
If this guy is “gay,” then he is the most fervently women-hatin’ gay man I’ve ever met. Gay men usually dig women, just not sexually. Being in the theatre, it’s not unusual for a gay man to ask me how I do my lipstick or to borrow my blouse.
So, below, is the conversation and yet another example of how the War on Women exists — and is apparently spreading to the gay men demographic, which I find to be very sad.
In my head, I hear the lyrics to Gloria Gaynor’s anthem:
trish
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August 19, 2012 | Categories: #WarOnWomen, #WhereAreTheWomen, 2012 elections, activism, birth control, comments, male perspective, men, misogyny, MyTweets, planned parenthood, politics, reclaiming sexuality, reproductive rights, sexual abuse, sexual energy, shamanic, stress, women's circles, women's health, women's rights, women's sexuality | 1 Comment »