In case you missed the Tony Awards on Sunday, history was made as Jeanine Tesori and Lisa Kron became the first female writing team to win both the Best Score and Best Book for a musical in a Broadway season. To put it into perspective, the Tonys have been around since 1947, and it’s 2015. Yes, that’s 68 previous years in which women are practically non-existent in most of the creative and design categories. But Fun Home helped change that.
Tesori put it succinctly during her acceptance speech when she said, “I didn’t realize that a career in music was available to women until 1981 — I saw the magnificent Linda Twine conduct A Lady and Her Music: Lena Horne (sic). And that was my ‘Ring of Keys’ moment, which, by the way, is not a song of love but a song of identification because, for girls, you have to see it to be it.”
This is absolutely true! In order for girls to want to be the creators of musicals — and plays, and operas, and symphonies, and televisions, and films, girls have to see themselves reflected in the works they see produced. We need more women as writers, composers, directors, designers, and producers who are creating art from the perspective of women instead of women being presented in art through the filter of men’s perception of us.
Congratulations to Tesori and Kron, and I hope seeing their accomplishments will encourage girls to want to work at the proverbial drawing board not just in the spotlight on stage.
* Originally posted on MusicalTheatreMagazine.com’s blog.*
Listen to my radio broadcast at BlogTalkRadio.com/Aroused on this very topic of “Porn vs. Erotica Sex,” then come back here and leave a comment below!
The p0rn of the 1970’s and 1980’s made caricatures out of the women as hyperorgasmic nyphomaniacs with the men serving no purpose other than just being an erection that jackhammered vaginas.
So what do you think of porn’s ….
- fake breasts
- skewed body image
- fake orgasms
- disrespect of women and women’s real sexuality
- disrespect of men’s sexuality
- men ejaculating on a woman’s face
- female ejaculation falsely represented by urination
- several men gang-banging one woman
- cheezy music and bad lighting…
Women have since taken the lead in writing, directing, and producing sex on film. This, plus the rise of amateur vids distributed via the internet, has changed how people want to see their sex.
As I say all the time on Twitter: The human body is beautiful. Sex is beautiful. Orgasm is natural. Reject dogma (and bad p0rn) that shames you into thinking otherwise. :-)
A male member of the AW Forum posted a discussion in the Music to Set the Mood area, saying:
“Just thought I would add a category that I like to call ‘Hard Erotica.’ It’s a little more gritty and animalistic… Sometimes a good fuck requires a little hair pulling….”
Seriously? We’re back to the “so easy a cave man could do it” attitude toward sex?
The songs to which this member linked were dance-music, “hardcore erotica” tracks from Basic Instinct and Madonna. As a composer of real music, I find that this sort of computerized drivel personifies what is wrong with popular music (overproduced, over-sampled, monotonous in “beat”), but I’ll leave that aside for now.
Describing an enthusiastic fuck as “animalistic” begins to lead the conversation about sex back toward hardcore porn — removing the humanity from sex and encouraging the monotonous mechanics of impersonal fucking — which is not something I subscribe to and is NOT the purpose of my forum or anything related to ArousedWoman(TM). Sex should be about connection — even casual fucking should have a dose of humanity and connectedness to it.
We all know sex can get really heated and… exuberant… that doesn’t mean the intent is “animalistic,” necessarily. This sort of description is exactly the terminology the church used to shame sex — that it was “base” and only for “lower” animals. Deep, fast, thrusting sex can be thrilling for sure, but that doesn’t mean it is “animalistic.” Sex can also be incredibly tender and beautiful. Sex should be a raising of energy between partners, not just a means of tension relief from erratic muscular contractions. In fact, from a Tantric perspective, the best orgasms happen from “slow sex.” (Yes, I said slow sex — as in, the man enters the vagina, and nobody moves for an hour… Yes, I said an hour.)
For myself, I make it clear to a partner that hair pulling is absolutely NOT OKAY. It’s not only a sign of aggravated assault (to me), but yanking a woman’s head back via hair pulling is dangerous to the cervical spine and the larynx (the tube for breathing and speech).
Men may have a fantasy about hair pulling because of what they’ve seen in “hardcore porn,” but only because they’ve never been on the receiving end of having their head yanked back by their long hair or ponytail. No, it is not the same feeling as when a woman curls her fingers in a man’s short hair (on his head) and pulls his head back (that is bad enough), but to have someone grab hold of your long hair, use it like a handle to jerk your head back is horribly painful — and again, dangerous to the neck and larynx.
Yes, I know, some readers will complain (again) that I’m being all “puritanical” and I’m “not at peace” with myself for expressing my opinion (and I’m not even on my period and all hormonal), but I don’t exist to perpetuate the stereotypes of women or sex. So suck it.
ArousedWoman(TM) is about awakening from the “dirty,” impersonal, shame-filled KoolAid of sexuality as demonized by religion and kinkified by a society still trying to find balance in sexual practices and “roles.” As I say on Twitter: “The human body is beautiful. Sex is beautiful.” Nothing about ArousedWoman(TM) is about hardcore porn, so find another site if that’s all you care about — there are plenty of porn & sex sites that perpetuate the pro-church, misogynistic attitudes toward sexuality. ArousedWoman(TM) is NOT one of those.
One last word on monotonous dance music… If a man can only move his hips in one rhythm, he’s a dud in bed. Give me a man who can fuck the 1812 Overture, and we’ll talk.
(*In response to a query about my fluctuating orgasmic experiences which hit an incredible peak in November, but have waned since then.*)
Today was my first proper KSMO 20-minute protocol since the first week of December. With the holidays and my writing deadlines and my daughter being out of school, there was rarely a time I felt comfortable doing KSMO or any solo sex because I’m such a screamer nowadays.
I also understand the protocol a little better now, I think. I had thought that the feelings during the 20-minute session were supposed to be arousing (they’re not, per se) and lead to orgasm (nope), so it kind of left me wondering, “what the heck is the 20-minute session doing exactly?”
I was also confused by the inconsistent advice in the forum — some people need to do the protocol exactly, but others can do what they want. It’s called a “protocol” but then I’m told it’s “suggested guidelines” — sorry, but protocol and suggested guidelines are too very different animals. This coupled with my recent experiences with some asshole men on the forum is leaving me with some animosity toward the whole KSMO thing, which may be manifesting in a psychosomatic way and affecting my practice.
So having been told that I can pursue an orgasm after the 20-minute protocol session, I do sometimes. I don’t get anywhere near orgasm during KSMO, but the stimulation makes my body really ready for a trip down orgasm lane. Sometimes I don’t “go for it,” but rather, I just relax, a deep relaxation almost to the point of dozing off, which helps recharge my batteries (no vibrator pun intended!). But sometimes, yes, I “go for it” and enjoy the ensuing orgasms..
My main concern (during the holidays) is that since starting with the KSMO practice in August, I get so loud during sex that I knew I’d disturb the neighbors with my moaning and roaring. October through November, the KSMO practice had me buzzing, echoing, whatever you want to call it, 24/7. Back then, I was doing stimulation for the whole 20 minutes — oops! Here again, inconsistency in advice in the forum rears its ugly head — I was told it was okay to stim the whole time if I wanted to, while others said to do the caress on “protocol” — I find this to be very annoying. I had amazing early success using my intuition and incorporating my knowledge of other systems like Tantra touch and yogic breathing. And I’ve found that people with backgrounds in other energy / sound systems do indeed have quick success. But doing the “protocol” as stipulated actually seems to have set me back.
I even thought about that today. Since doing just the single caress, it doesn’t do for me what the constant stimulation did. But I will have to wait until tomorrow to see if my prostate kicks in. Back in October / November, I could do a key sound off the cuff, and BAM! There she was — my amazing prostate was totally ready for searing orgasm bliss — a fiery heat pulsing from within like she was going to expand right through my body and outside of me. Incredible and addictive!
At the time, I almost wanted a reprieve from that 24/7 wired to the universe, hands and feet buzzing with energy, chest wall vibrating, pelvis totally jazzed, constant scalp- and spine-tingling arousal. Well, darn it, I got it. Now I’m wanting to get that spark back!
With the single caress stimulation, my prostate (which is my focus for now) doesn’t start having sensations until the next day — that day in between — and they’re not nearly as strong as before. So, you think maybe I should go back to the other (constant) stimulation? Or wait and see if doing the protocol “properly” develops new sensations?
Today, I did my 20 minutes and had a few minutes before I had to get back to my duties, so I enjoyed the warmth and wetness, but did not go to the point of orgasm. During the session, after the first couple of breaths / key sounds, I felt wild heat and throbbing in the genitals. I don’t know what the KSMO term for that is. I really had to focus to keep my mind on the breathwork and the feelings — and keep my mind from re-playing the events with the assholes from earlier. That was really hard, but I did manage to have an enjoyable 20-minutes. I’ll have to wait and see what I feel tomorrow. I’ll also do another “proper” 20 minute session on Saturday and see what, if anything, I feel Sunday.
This delay or lag in my KSMO / orgasm experience could be a natural waxing and waning as some people report, or again, it could be psychosomatic with the peripheral bullshit and inconsistent advice. Then there are the annoying holidays, the neighbors, et al. I feel I lost that “train of thought” that I had just discovered, and now it’s dormant. I don’t know at this point, and unfortunately, the only way to find out is to keep trying and stay in this “wait and see” pattern.
Aroused and fluctuating,