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Daily OJ 12-24-14: For the Sake of Meatloaf, “Bat Out of Hell”, and Crying Out Loud


Meat Loaf - Bat Out of Hell - Songs by Jim SteinmanTonight, while making dinner, I had a humorous experience … humorous at first.  As with many epiphanies, there was a surprising twist at the end.

I was making meatloaf — the first time in about a decade that I’ve attempted the infamously dry American dinner staple.  Normally while cooking, I listen to Govi’s “Andalusian Nights” (because I’m addicted to Spanish guitar and Romani music styles from the region of Andalusia), but for some reason, I scrolled down and landed on another album in my playlist, Jim Steinman and Meat Loaf’s “Bat Out of Hell”.  I wasn’t really thinking about it, just that I was making a new recipe and wanted something more power-charged to get me through the slew of ingredients I needed to gather, chop, saute, and caramelize.  I was cooking other things, too (bell peppers and friend eggplant), so I was only half listening to the album.  Yet, I was sort of singing along to this album I haven’t listened to in forever.

I first heard “Bat Out of Hell” at my friend Ronny’s house over 20 years ago.  But I remember being absolutely engaged in every note, both instrumental and vocal.  Being much younger, the album was interesting technically, especially the twist in the lyrics, but at the time, I was more concerned with the songs’ “money notes” for me as a singer, particularly the ballads.

Tonight, as I took the meatloaf out of the oven, it was brought to my attention (by my daughter) that I was listening to Meat Loaf.  I laughed.  How ironic, yes?  Well, since I haven’t actually listened with full attention to the album in 20 years, I decided to listen (actively listen) to the whole “Bat Out of Hell” album after dinner.

I sat on my sofa, cushioned by pillows, the tree lights to my left and a small lamp to my right, and headphones on my ears.  The first track — the title song — played, and it was as if I’d never been away.  I remembered the song and almost all of the lyrics as I sang along.  The second song was next, and again, I laughed and sang.

The third song came on, and that is when things changed.  A couple of lines into “Heaven Can Wait”, I was crying.  That’s when it really hit me what this whole album is about: a man, who’s looking for the simple, uncomplicated hook-up, who will leave like a “bat out of hell” before morning, experiences conflict when facing the emotional aspect of being with someone who actually matters to him.

As the song played on, and the tempi changed, and the styles ran the gamut from 1970’s rock to rockabilly 8-to-the-bar, the true meanings of these songs continued to hit me, over and over.  I thought back to when I had a slight panic attack a while back, realizing that I was terrified of intimacy with a man because it would mean being real, not putting on airs, or pretending there isn’t more to me than just breasts and long red hair, or stuffing my own needs down so as not to burden the man with inconvenient, icky things like … honesty, sincerity, and emotions.

The songs explore this “all-American boy” who is “lookin’ for something to do” and “all revved up with no place to go”.  He gets “a taste of paradise” with “an all-American girl”, and as long as it’s just physical, everything is okay.  But then she wants to know if he loves her.  His answer: “I want you. I need you, but there ain’t no what I’m ever going to love you.”

He tells the tale of being rebuffed by a woman in his past.  She left him on a stormy night, and he begged her not to leave; but she told him how she could never love him.  That experience of rejection and having his heart broken built walls within him that he is not willing to dismantle.  And so he treats women with the same cold indifference.

I’m not going to excuse the other woman’s behaviour, but how many men had done the same thing to her to avoid emotional entanglement, when they probably only wanted to get laid or were scared of emotional attachment?  She probably adopted those same patterns to prevent getting hurt again, and thus, continues the cycle of avoidance and hurt, which the male character in “Bat Out of Hell” now displays towards the girl he is with.

Just as he’s about to get to “fourth base” with the girl, she stops everything and asks, “Do you love me?  Will you love me forever?  Do you need me?  Will you never leave me?”  There are two problems here: 1) Women using sex to get love, and 2) The all-or-nothing deal-breaker of the hyperbolic concept of “forever”.

Women:  Just stop playing games; you’re better than that.  Now, I cannot do one-night stands or hook-up sex — it’s just not something I want.  I need an emotional connection with a partner.  But I certainly remember that feeling as a teenager of wanting to be loved and sensing that irritated frustration from a guy who would say anything just so long as I let him touch me and kiss me.  Then he’d get mad when I didn’t want him to go further — somehow his anger was my fault.  Playing the game is easier, but not necessarily better for you and your sense of self-worth.

Everyone:  Stop trying to predict the future; be with the person who makes you happy, makes you laugh, and appreciates you for who you are and doesn’t try to change you.  Due to the conditioning of romance novels, movies, and princess-genre animated films in which “forever” is the only option for a woman, especially where her reputation is concerned.  This is an antiquated view of women, our sexuality, and sexual happiness.  Most relationships do not last forever, so it puts unnecessary pressure on two people to force things to work out.  As one of the songs opines, “I’m praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you.”

The lead character responds to her question that he’ll give her an answer in the morning.  At least he didn’t outright lie just to tell her what she wanted to hear.  That is almost more painful in the long-run.

As I listened to “For Crying Out Loud”, the tears came even harder.  This phrase is usually said in exasperation, “Oh, for crying out loud….”  And he sings that way at first: “I know you belong inside my aching heart…. I’m gonna need somebody to make me feel like you do.”  And he says, “For crying out loud, you know I love you.”

Why does it take so much effort for a man to express his feelings?  Is it really 2,500 years of patriarchy that have tried to create each successive generation of men as emotionally void and demonstratively robotic as their “strong, silent type” predecessors?  Not every man has this problem of expressing his feelings, but most of them do.

And after the virtuoso piano-playing, the strings ensemble filling in the lush orchestral sound, and the timpani pounding out the big crescendo, the twist comes.  He reveals that yes, he does want her and need her, and more.  For giving him answers, “for that, I thank you”; and for keeping him going when he wanted to stop, “for that I want you…. But most of all, for crying out loud, for that, I love you.”

I’ve written many times how my orgasms are emotional experiences for me, and if I don’t cry afterward (or during), the sensual adventure does not feel complete.  I’m left still wanting that emotional, sensual fulfillment to come full-circle with the physical pyrotechnics of climax.  I need emotion, and I need a man who understands that having and expressing emotion is normal, good, and healing.

This past Sunday, I spent the evening at a friend’s Winter Solstice ritual.  I haven’t spent a lot of time with pagan men in the past several years — I’ve been too busy just trying to keep my head above water as a single mom.  But being around these men — men who worship the feminine aspect of the divine and who have no problem talking about their love of the goddess — was a breath of fresh air for me.  To hear men talk respectfully about women, to not hear one derogatory joke about women, was amazing.  It was so different to what I usually read on “friends'” walls on Facebook and certainly more woman-friendly that a lot of what I see on Twitter and Tumblr.

So, thank you, pagan, goddess-lovin’, dirt-worshiping witchy men.  You give me hope that one day I can find my own nature-lovin’, yoni-worshiping, bohemian, music-makin’, heathen man who can love me for crying out loud.

Aroused and emoting,

trish

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RADIO: Porn vs. Erotica Sex – CALL-IN Show


Lovers Tango - ArousedWoman.comHow do you define porn? What is erotica to you? Both are protected by the First Amendment, but for me, each has a different vibe — and no, I don’t mean sex toys!

Listen to my radio broadcast at BlogTalkRadio.com/Aroused on this very topic of “Porn vs. Erotica Sex,” then come back here and leave a comment below!

The p0rn of the 1970’s and 1980’s made caricatures out of the women as hyperorgasmic nyphomaniacs with the men serving no purpose other than just being an erection that jackhammered vaginas.

So what do you think of porn’s ….

  • fake breasts
  • skewed body image
  • fake orgasms
  • disrespect of women and women’s real sexuality
  • disrespect of men’s sexuality
  • men ejaculating on a woman’s face
  • female ejaculation falsely represented by urination
  • several men gang-banging one woman
  • cheezy music and bad lighting…

Women have since taken the lead in writing, directing, and producing sex on film. This, plus the rise of amateur vids distributed via the internet, has changed how people want to see their sex.

As I say all the time on Twitter:  The human body is beautiful.  Sex is beautiful.  Orgasm is natural.  Reject dogma (and bad p0rn) that shames you into thinking otherwise. :-)

trish

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OpEd: Hardcore Erotica, Animalistic Sex, and Hair Pulling


couple-touching-clawsA male member of the AW Forum posted a discussion in the Music to Set the Mood area, saying:

“Just thought I would add a category that I like to call ‘Hard Erotica.’  It’s a little more gritty and animalistic… Sometimes a good fuck requires a little hair pulling….”

Seriously? We’re back to the “so easy a cave man could do it” attitude toward sex?

The songs to which this member linked were dance-music, “hardcore erotica” tracks from Basic Instinct and Madonna. As a composer of real music, I find that this sort of computerized drivel personifies what is wrong with popular music (overproduced, over-sampled, monotonous in “beat”), but I’ll leave that aside for now.

Describing an enthusiastic fuck as “animalistic” begins to lead the conversation about sex back toward hardcore porn — removing the humanity from sex and encouraging the monotonous mechanics of impersonal fucking — which is not something I subscribe to and is NOT the purpose of my forum or anything related to ArousedWoman(TM). Sex should be about connection — even casual fucking should have a dose of humanity and connectedness to it.

We all know sex can get really heated and… exuberant… that doesn’t mean the intent is “animalistic,” necessarily. This sort of description is exactly the terminology the church used to shame sex — that it was “base” and only for “lower” animals. Deep, fast, thrusting sex can be thrilling for sure, but that doesn’t mean it is “animalistic.” Sex can also be incredibly tender and beautiful. Sex should be a raising of energy between partners, not just a means of tension relief from erratic muscular contractions. In fact, from a Tantric perspective, the best orgasms happen from “slow sex.” (Yes, I said slow sex — as in, the man enters the vagina, and nobody moves for an hour… Yes, I said an hour.)

For myself, I make it clear to a partner that hair pulling is absolutely NOT OKAY. It’s not only a sign of aggravated assault (to me), but yanking a woman’s head back via hair pulling is dangerous to the cervical spine and the larynx (the tube for breathing and speech).

Men may have a fantasy about hair pulling because of what they’ve seen in “hardcore porn,” but only because they’ve never been on the receiving end of having their head yanked back by their long hair or ponytail. No, it is not the same feeling as when a woman curls her fingers in a man’s short hair (on his head) and pulls his head back (that is bad enough), but to have someone grab hold of your long hair, use it like a handle to jerk your head back is horribly painful — and again, dangerous to the neck and larynx.

Yes, I know, some readers will complain (again) that I’m being all “puritanical” and I’m “not at peace” with myself for expressing my opinion (and I’m not even on my period and all hormonal), but I don’t exist to perpetuate the stereotypes of women or sex. So suck it.

ArousedWoman(TM) is about awakening from the “dirty,” impersonal, shame-filled KoolAid of sexuality as demonized by religion and kinkified by a society still trying to find balance in sexual practices and “roles.” As I say on Twitter: “The human body is beautiful. Sex is beautiful.” Nothing about ArousedWoman(TM) is about hardcore porn, so find another site if that’s all you care about — there are plenty of porn & sex sites that perpetuate the pro-church, misogynistic attitudes toward sexuality. ArousedWoman(TM) is NOT one of those.

One last word on monotonous dance music… If a man can only move his hips in one rhythm, he’s a dud in bed. Give me a man who can fuck the 1812 Overture, and we’ll talk.

trish

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DailyOJ 01-20-12: Waxing & Waning


January 20, 2012

(*In response to a query about my fluctuating orgasmic experiences which hit an incredible peak in November, but have waned since then.*)

Today was my first proper KSMO 20-minute protocol since the first week of December.  With the holidays and my writing deadlines and my daughter being out of school, there was rarely a time I felt comfortable doing KSMO or any solo sex because I’m such a screamer nowadays.

I also understand the protocol a little better now, I think.  I had thought that the feelings during the 20-minute session were supposed to be arousing (they’re not, per se) and lead to orgasm (nope), so it kind of left me wondering, “what the heck is the 20-minute session doing exactly?”

I was also confused by the inconsistent advice in the forum — some people need to do the protocol exactly, but others can do what they want.  It’s called a “protocol” but then I’m told it’s “suggested guidelines” — sorry, but protocol and suggested guidelines are too very different animals.  This coupled with my recent experiences with some asshole men on the forum is leaving me with some animosity toward the whole KSMO thing, which may be manifesting in a psychosomatic way and affecting my practice.

So having been told that I can pursue an orgasm after the 20-minute protocol session, I do sometimes.  I don’t get anywhere near orgasm during KSMO, but the stimulation makes my body really ready for a trip down orgasm lane.  Sometimes I don’t “go for it,” but rather, I just relax, a deep relaxation almost to the point of dozing off, which helps recharge my batteries (no vibrator pun intended!).  But sometimes, yes, I “go for it” and enjoy the ensuing orgasms..

My main concern (during the holidays) is that since starting with the KSMO practice in August, I get so loud during sex that I knew I’d disturb the neighbors with my moaning and roaring.  October through November, the KSMO practice had me buzzing, echoing, whatever you want to call it, 24/7.  Back then, I was doing stimulation for the whole 20 minutes — oops!  Here again, inconsistency in advice in the forum rears its ugly head — I was told it was okay to stim the whole time if I wanted to, while others said to do the caress on “protocol” — I find this to be very annoying.  I had amazing early success using my intuition and incorporating my knowledge of other systems like Tantra touch and yogic breathing.  And I’ve found that people with backgrounds in other energy / sound systems do indeed have quick success.  But doing the “protocol” as stipulated actually seems to have set me back.

I even thought about that today.  Since doing just the single caress, it doesn’t do for me what the constant stimulation did.  But I will have to wait until tomorrow to see if my prostate kicks in.  Back in October / November, I could do a key sound off the cuff, and BAM!  There she was — my amazing prostate was totally ready for searing orgasm bliss — a fiery heat pulsing from within like she was going to expand right through my body and outside of me.  Incredible and addictive!

At the time, I almost wanted a reprieve from that 24/7 wired to the universe, hands and feet buzzing with energy, chest wall vibrating, pelvis totally jazzed, constant scalp- and spine-tingling arousal.  Well, darn it, I got it.  Now I’m wanting to get that spark back!

With the single caress stimulation, my prostate (which is my focus for now) doesn’t start having sensations until the next day — that day in between — and they’re not nearly as strong as before.  So, you think maybe I should go back to the other (constant) stimulation?  Or wait and see if doing the protocol “properly” develops new sensations?

Today, I did my 20 minutes and had a few minutes before I had to get back to my duties, so I enjoyed the warmth and wetness, but did not go to the point of orgasm.  During the session, after the first couple of breaths / key sounds, I felt wild heat and throbbing in the genitals.  I don’t know what the KSMO term for that is.  I really had to focus to keep my mind on the breathwork and the feelings — and keep my mind from re-playing the events with the assholes from earlier.  That was really hard, but I did manage to have an enjoyable 20-minutes.  I’ll have to wait and see what I feel tomorrow.  I’ll also do another “proper” 20 minute session on Saturday and see what, if anything, I feel Sunday.

This delay or lag in my KSMO / orgasm experience could be a natural waxing and waning as some people report, or again, it could be psychosomatic with the peripheral bullshit and inconsistent advice.  Then there are the annoying holidays, the neighbors, et al.  I feel I lost that “train of thought” that I had just discovered, and now it’s dormant.  I don’t know at this point, and unfortunately, the only way to find out is to keep trying and stay in this “wait and see” pattern.

Aroused and fluctuating,
trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s DailyOJ.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


REVIEW: Journey Through the Chakras CD


Journey Through the Chakras is a guided meditation CD by “intuitive counselor” and musician Colette Baron-Reid.

An author and creator of oracle cards, Baron-Reid is billed as having “facilitated hundreds of her popular seminars and workshops on developing intuition.”  She also wrote the books The Map: Finding the Magic and Meaning in the Story of Your Life and Remembering the Future: The Path to Recovering Intuition.

Baron-Reid is firmly entrenched in the 21st century New Age movement, so this CD may not resonate immediately for those who are more logically-minded.  However, without knowing much else about her and by listening to the CD, I can sense Baron-Reid is adept at helping clients attune to their inner selves.  After all, loosening the hold (and reliance) on the logical mind is part of the inner journey we all encounter as we grow spiritually and energetically.

“Chakra” is Sanskrit for “wheel” and refers to the philosophy of seven energy centers that correspond to seven body centers from the tailbone to the crown of the head.  As with Chakra or Kundalini training, Journey Through the Chakras begins with the first chakra and its correspondences, progressing through each energy center.  The vivid guided meditation is narrated by Baron-Reid herself, over original music by Mars Lasar.  The CD concludes with an original song written and sung by Baron-Reid.

Pros:
The CD has its flaws, but overall, I do think it has merit for those wanting an indirect lesson in learning about the chakras.  It is less than an hour long, and yet doesn’t feel that long.

The very aspects of the CD that some listeners find endearing, others will find annoying:  repetition of certain phrases, nature sounds, breathing “ahhhhhh” sounds at various intervals, and New Agey music underscore.  Oddly, the more I listen to the CD, the less some of these elements stand out, and therefore the less they annoy me.

Cons:
Baron-Reid is clearly not a voice over artist.  Her voice has a rasp to it that some find to be sultry, but I do not — I think she needs to be seen by a speech pathologist.  She also breathes in strange places, and her voice gives out at times, which are clear indications of weak breath support.  Her glottal stops on words beginning with vowels were truly annoying to me.

The audio engineer did not edit the voice over track to current industry standards — you can hear Baron-Reid’s mouth clicks, lip smacks, numerous plosives, and weird breathing.  **Note:  I am being extremely picky here. Some people find her voice to be “sultry” and “husky,” lending a sensual feel to the meditation.  But since this is an audio review, I have to lay it all on the table for the potential listener.  Your mileage may vary.**

Overall:
It’s too soon to tell if I will ever really love this CD, but I do think it has some valuable properties.  I have found myself plugging in to listen to it as I lay on my bed, wanting to let my mind wander a bit.  I do not focus on picturing the journey as she describes, but rather what I want to think about, and yet, I occasionally find myself suddenly visualizing the scene she is currently describing.

In the few days I’ve had the CD, I’ve listened to it perhaps 5 to 7 times.  Each night I’ve had a strange dream or series of dreams involving my current life circumstances (which I never dream about), people I know (I almost never dream about people I actually know), situations I know I need to resolve, getting help (from people I never thought would be willing to help me), and other “strange”/never-dreamt-that-before types of dreamscapes.  Interesting, indeed.

How to Use this CD:
Like most “pursuits” that are spiritual or energy based, you cannot actually pursue them.  Your subconscious self has to be open to receiving information which in turn allows you to experience and integrate needed information into your psyche and your subconscious.  Only half listening to this CD brought me dreams I don’t think I would have had otherwise.  I can only wonder “what dreams may come” if I actually did the meditation/visualization.

Perhaps I will revisit this review in a month’s time.  I am not sorry I bought the CD — I generally despise guided meditations and I’ve never bought one before now, so the fact that I actually bought this and keep listening to it must mean something positive for its effect on me.

Aroused and meditating,
trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s Daily O.J.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


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