Awakening Sexuality & Activism for Women's Rights

penetration

OpEd: Sex and Pain


Woman with Real Breasts Looking Off into DistanceIf you judged the average person’s sex habits by what you see online, you’d think everyone is into pain, BDSM, and hog-tying their sex partners into elaborate rope configurations.  A while back, I was “roped” into a brief Twitter war with a guy who was trying to justify putting duct tape over a woman’s mouth during sex.  You can well imagine I went Irish war queen on his ass.

Personally, I don’t understand why anyone would want to associate pleasure with pain, even though I’ve heard some pretty wild concepts.  And I’m not talking about the fur-lined handcuffs, blindfolds, and feathers — although I’d never do the handcuffs or the blindfold.  Even without a fetish being involved, women put up with painful sex for a variety of reasons, and we don’t have to.  Ever.

One reason I did not go the official “sex educator” route was because I would not have been allowed to speak my mind on the sex habits I personally find to be dangerous or just plain stupid.  (Yes, I know…. two consenting adults, blah, blah, blah….)  Since the rise of 50 Shades of Grey, it has become politically incorrect to say anything critical about BDSM or bondage or a woman not being a doormat for an abusive man.  And plain ol’ sex is considered “vanilla” sex, not exciting or amazing, just vanilla.  However, I feel the need to speak out for those of us who like our sex to be solely pleasurable between partners who are on an equal basis, not one person in control nor one person made to be a slave or subservient caricature.

From my own holistic, Tantric perspective, I would never enter a sexual experience with any attitude other than love, equality, and respect.

And yet, pain is apparently all over modern sex.  Personally, I believe the association of sex and pain is due to this patriarchal society that is based on hierarchy and competition at any cost.  The need for control or recognizing we are being controlled is incorporated into every aspect of our lives, our work, our economic status, our cultural/class status; and then hierarchy and the need for control or to relinquish all control crosses over into sex.

Pain is pain, not pleasure.  Women should not put up with painful sex, but often times, we do so as not to hurt the man’s feelings.  We endure all sorts of emotional pain throughout our lives, but sex should be 110% pleasure.  Women, you do not have to tolerate painful, unfulfilling sex.  Ever.

Sex should never hurt.  Except for some slight pain when the hymen is broken, sex should never be painful.  Even for an experienced woman, penetration can be painful if she is not lubricated enough.  Whether it’s your first time with a man or the hundredth, sex may need to be slow to take him in.  Just because you’ve been with him before doesn’t mean your body is automatically ready to be penetrated.  Being penetrated too quickly or without enough lube can be very, VERY painful.

Remember that the vulva needs to be massaged and stretched as part of the preparation for sex.  Another reason for spending time arousing the woman is that the vagina is only 3 to 3.5 inches long, but she expands up to 50% during arousal.  So if the man wants to get 5+ inches of his penis inside instead of just 3 inches, fully arousing a woman is time well spent.

The difference in penis size to vagina size can make for thrilling orgasms or a painful experience.  If the man has a large penis, extra time may need to be taken to avoid hurting the woman.  How much time?  This depends on the woman.  In this way, yes, the woman is always in control of the sex.  That’s just the way it goes, guys.

Once aroused, the woman’s erectile tissue will be fully infused with blood (just as the man’s erectile tissue fills with blood), and for the woman, when the man slowly slides inside the vagina, it is exquisite pressure and a sense of being absolutely full, as if he’s touched her soul.  Again, any man not willing to patiently await a woman’s full arousal doesn’t deserve to be anywhere near a vagina.

Encouraging pain to feel pleasure is just stupid — or even dangerous if your partner wants to try something like erotic axphxiation (choking to make orgasm “stronger”).  If you actually know the “how” of orgasm, you’d know that oxygen feeds orgasm intensity and duration, so cutting off your oxygen supply is actually not a good idea.  And about 1,000 people die per year from erotic axphyxiation.

Pain in the vagina, anus, or even in the pelvic floor or legs could be a sign of something very wrong.  If you experience pain or numbness in the legs during or after sex, this may be not only a neurological issue but also a respiratory issue.  Getting enough oxygen into your lungs, and ergo your body, is crucial for proper function of the body and especially for orgasm.  During sex, focus breathing down into your pelvic floor.  As you inhale, bring the air all the way down toward your genitals.  This will ensure that you are belly breathing and not breathing only in the upper chest.  Upper chest breathing doesn’t allow the body to get rid of as much carbon dioxide, so the body is not being fully oxygenated.  This can contribute to the tingling or numbness in the legs.  Also, being sedentary in your daily life or job can affect the nerves and bloodflow in the legs.

Moving around to the backside, anal sex should NEVER hurt.  Ever.  Whether fingers, a toy, or a penis, anal sex should only ever be pleasurable.  Men, please know, that male prostate stimulation is very healthy for you, and any anal stimulation should always be pleasurable.

With the possible exception of breaking the hymen, no part of sex should ever hurt.  Ever.  Never.

Yes, I know that fetishes like spanking and rope-tying have hit the mainstream, but it is still a power-play of control and inflicting pain on someone you supposedly care about.  Just because you interpret both pain and pleasure in the same area of the brain doesn’t mean you need to inflict pain to experience pleasure.  In fact, if you are, then you only experience sex on a physical level, and orgasm is a response of the subtle body, not just a “release” of the physical anatomy.

The rise of pain as a means of pleasure is more patriarchal bullshit that women are supposed to adopt as “normal” sex play.  Women are throttled by the neck, their breasts are slapped, their vulvas punched with a partner’s fist, and it makes me ill.  What’s worse is that young people see the images, gifs, videos, etc., online and think that abusive sex is normal, and it is not.

Once you understand the mechanism and response of orgasm, you will know that pain should never be anywhere near sex.  Any desire for pain during sex is a sign of other psychological and/or emotional issues that need to be resolved outside the bedroom.  I know this is not a popular sentiment, and that’s okay.  I want to be a voice for all those women (and men) who instinctively do not want pain-fetishized sex but feel pressured into accepting it because of this society that regularly features victimized women and abusive men as part of the mainstream culture.

Having lived in a patriarchal world and been affected by its brutality more times than I care to acknowledge, I will never allow an abusive person into my sex life.  Ever.

trish

LINKS:

FOLLOW:


AskTrish: Woman Asks If Uncomfortable Feeling When Boyfriend Touches Clit is Normal


Woman's Hand on YoniHi, trish,

I was wondering, what is it supposed to feel like when somebody touches your clit?  I have heard it’s supposed to bring a good feeling but not in my case.  When my boyfriend touches my clit, I get a really intense kinda uncomfortable feeling.   It doesn’t feel bad or hurt but it definitely doesn’t feel good either.  And it’s not something I look forward to.   My bf always wants to touch it but even if I let him, I stop him after a couple secs cuz it feels intense and uncomfortable.  Is this normal?

Anon

Hey, Anon!

So much to address here!

Let me assure you that pain or discomfort is never “normal” for any kind of sex ever.  No kind of sex (vaginal or anal) or touch or penetration should EVER be painful.  EVER.  (Okay, that wasn’t exactly your question, but I just want to reiterate that for the readers.)  What is “normal” touch sensation for you will be different for someone else, so my “normal” will be different from yours.  My “normal” now that I’m extremely in touch with my body will be very different from the “normal” that is “normal” for a female just starting to explore her body.  So without knowing your age (18+), your sexual experience, any previous trauma, how you touch yourself, and how he specifically touches you, there’s no way I can guess what would be “normal” for you.  But I can say that not-quite-pain, not-quite-pleasure feeling is common at first.  So let’s look at this bit by bit.

Vulva - Erect Clit ExposedThe external clitoris is literally the tip of the iceberg!  Most of the clitoris is inside the body, with several inches of innervated erectile tissue that expands and zings with sensation during arousal.  Those inches of erectile tissue that men have hanging outside their body, a.k.a. the penis, is synonymous with the inches of erectile tissue women have; ours is just inside us.

The tip of the clit, that little nub we can see, is technically called the glans, just like the tip of the penis is called the glans.  The tip of the clit is usually protected by the clitoral hood, which is synonymous with the penile foreskin.  With around 8,000 nerve endings, the clitoral glans is VERY sensitive to touch.  In fact, if you can see the tip, the clit is actually in the non-erect state; but that doesn’t mean she’s not enjoying herself — she probably is!  Nearing climax, the clit will seem to “disappear” into the fleshy folds of the vulva; but she’s not retreating from touch, she’s actually getting a full erection on!  This is usually when “vigorous” touch can be exquisite.

DailyOJ 01-20-12: The Clit Discussed Further

Female Anatomy: Clitoris Frontal ViewThe clitoral body can be stimulated externally by (gently) pressing on the mons pubis area or internally via various fingering and stroking techniques inside the vagina.  (Reminder:  the female prostate is on the anterior wall of the vagina and is a different anatomical structure.)  When a woman is nearing climax, there is often a “vice grip” clench at the opening of the vagina; these are the clitoris’ vestibular bulbs near the entrance.  The clit is actually quite extensive and complex, comprised of 18 distinct parts.  Your clit is MUCH MORE than just the nub on the outside!

But let’s remember, those are 8,000 plugged-in nerve endings.  Touching them before they are ready to receive pleasure input can feel awkward or even painful.  Since you sound like a young adult, I’m going to assume your boyfriend is the overly eager type who just wants to start pawing at your body (perhaps because that’s what he’s seen in porn, or he may be new to all this as well).  This is NEVER okay.  The man NEVER touches you anywhere unless YOU are ready to be touched.  You’ll know when your clit is begging to be touched, and if he doesn’t touch you properly or is clumsy, you have the right to tell him how to touch you.  It sounds like you are willing to stand up for yourself, and that is great!  You have complete autonomy over your body.

Here’s were I have to interject yet another consequence of circumcision.  If your man is circumcised, he may be accustomed to needing “rough” stimulation due to keratinization (callousing of skin) on his penis glans.  If your man is not circumcised, explain to him that touching your clit with little or no prior arousal is like someone yanking his foreskin back and going straight for the underside of his penis glans.  This can be very uncomfortable for the intact man!  No one likes too much sensation too soon, which is what it sounds like you’re experiencing from your boyfriend.

Nude Couple Embracing Passionately in PeachKeep in mind, there is a reason the female needs to be fully aroused before going for the clit or the vagina.  From a Tantra perspective, the woman and the man have positive and negative poles, like on a magnet.  For the woman, the positive pole is the heart chakra, home to her heart and her breasts, with the negative pole being the genitals.  For the man, the positive pole is his root/sex chakra, home to his penis and testicles, with the negative pole being his heart chakra.  Biologically, the woman needs 15 to 30 minutes of dedicated arousal, or as I like to call it — puja (worship :-) ) to prepare the vagina for sex.  The same way a singer has to warm up before performing, think of this time as necessary preparation — fun, delicious preparation for continued, evolving, expanding, rapturous ecstasy.   Therefore, this time allows the woman’s body, especially the genitals, to become ready to receive touch and penetration and pleasure.  It’s no coincidence that focus on the woman’s heart chakra would be key.  Not only does it stimulate the woman emotionally, but a woman’s nipples are wired directly to her clit.  Breast puja = a turned on, horny clit.  Any man who doesn’t want to commit 15 minutes of breast/sensual touch puja isn’t worth your time.

This 15 minute warm-up doesn’t have to be solely focused on the breasts.  Any sensual touch and massage will awaken the subtle body.  This includes kissing, nibbling, caressing, talking, laughing.  Once the woman is ready for more direct touch, the woman can allow the man to begin with touch and kisses on the insides of her thighs, the outer labia, the mons pubis — basically, loving all the way around the clit until you are ready for more.  As you become more experienced and more familiar with your body’s responses, you may not need this much time.  In fact, when you are able to stay in an aroused state — recognize that orgasm is an energy field you can slip into any time you want, you may not need much prep touching at all.  Just thinking of your man will send your spine arching back into orgasm and your clit throbbing for touch!  (In time, you’ll learn how to control this response when you’re in public, like shopping at the grocery story or the library. :-D )

Keep in mind, physical climax is different from energy orgasms.  Men often confuse ejaculation (climax) with orgasm.  These are two separate functions: ejaculation is a physical reflex of the sympathetic nervous system, while orgasm is a response via the parasympathetic nervous system.  Since men need less time to get aroused and ready for penetration, they tend to focus on the end, rather than enjoying the journey.  (Another horrible legacy of standard porn, too.)  Just like for the woman, this arousal time is also a time of breathing and relaxing for the man.  When your mind and/or body is stressed, pleasure can be elusive.  Take your time to get warmed up and totally invested in your body’s journey to pleasure.  There is plenty of time to get hot and heavy — once you’re BOTH aroused to the point of a crazed fuck-for-all.

Note:  This initial phase of arousal is usually called “foreplay”, a term I despise since it places the importance of the sexual experience on “sex” which is usually defined by the penetration, i.e., when the penis enters the vagina.  This devalues the woman and the woman’s biological needs of arousal in order to accept a penis (or toy) without pain.  So I do not use the term foreplay.  Puja is my personal preference.  Puja, the idea of honoring the person and their body, also puts respect back into the sensual, sexual experience, in my opinion.

You should know, Anon, that it takes time to get to know your clit and the rest of your sexual anatomy.  And you should spend a lot of time with her — just you and her.  This way you get to know how she likes to be touched, without the pressure of a panting, horny Lothario rushing you and making you feel uncomfortable or not “normal”.  Masturbation is a beautiful way to honor yourself (self-puja) and learn about yourself and your body.  Through masturbation, she won’t feel so foreign to you, and you will begin to integrate her into your body and your overall sexual being-ness.

After you are more familiar with your body, show your boyfriend how you like to be touched.  Masturbate in front of him, but he can’t help you — he needs to watch and learn.  (He can help later on.)  More often than not, a lighter, gentler touch is needed at first.  In fact, once your body is awakened, you might even have labia-gasms and sheet-gasms.  Hard touch is usually ONLY desired at the absolute height of passion and usually NEVER at the beginning of a love-making session.  When your clit is really ready, you’ll know because you’ll start looking for things to hump.  If you start eyeing the arm of the sofa with lust, that’s usually a good sign your clit needs some determined lovin’.

Recap of what we covered:

1 – Learn your clit’s likes and dislikes via masturbation; then when you’re ready, it’s show-and-tell time to teach your man.

2 – Female and male sexual anatomy are synonymous, for the most part.  Some things are similar to both the woman and the man, so teaching the man about the woman’s anatomy will help him understand how your body responds.

3 – Prior arousal is required for pleasure.  As you become more experienced, you may not need as much prep-time, but for now, insist on at least 15 minutes of sensual touch on other parts of your body to get your clit primed for touch.

4 – To learn various touch techniques for the clit, look through some of the videos and info here where the clit rules and men are glad to offer puja to a woman’s body (or willingly lie back and let the woman drive the orgasm train).

Feel free to leave a comment, especially if you want to offer more info so we can be more specific.

Thanks so much for trusting me with your clit. :-)

trish


DailyOJ 08-25-13, Part 2: Prostate Awakening, U-Orgasms, & a Force of Nature


woman-arching-back-during-orgasm-sqRead Part 1.

Today is Sunday, and I’m alone in the house.  I lounge around in bed, having my nipple orgasms and the occasional soft-touch clit orgasms (as I like to do on weekends).  The weather has been riddled with thunderstorms for a month now, and the steady rhythm of falling rain makes for perfect lazing around and dozing off and on in my comfy bed.

By 11 a.m., I figure the neighbors are all out doing their thing, and it’s probably safe to have a full session.   After a few more nipple-gasms and clit-gasms, I can feel the juices pushing against my inner labia wanting to spill out.  Instead of opening my labia with my fingers, I opt for some vaginal exercises instead.  Various squeezing and rolling of the muscles of the vagina (no, not the PC muscles), I have some small vaginal orgasms, due to the walls of my vagina brushing against each other (including the area of the She Spot).

Now, my juices are spilling out on their own, wetting the tops of my thighs, and I can feel my juices sliding down my buttocks.  Slipping my fingers inside, my prostate is so swollen, I know I have to have a couple of climax orgasms first if I am to get my cyberskin toy inside.   Yes, I want a full session.

(Side note:  Something I figured out along the way in the past couple of months was that I couldn’t do some “foreplay” stimulation inside and then insert the cyberskin god.  The last couple of times I tried that, it hurt.  I’ve realized that while my prostate is horny and swollen, let her have a couple of climaxes first, rest for 5 to 15 minutes, then go for the big toy.  Otherwise, he doesn’t fit — a lesson perhaps for others who have trouble accommodating a large penis.)

I let my fingers play all around my prostate, which has been awakening again thanks to my orgasm training and not allowing stress to rule my life.  My prostate’s changes in texture during various levels of arousal is incredible.  I can tell just where I am in my arousal by which tendrils of my prostate are “poking” through the anterior vaginal wall.   It feels like putting your finger inside a pin cushion — you can feel the pins poking your finger (but this doesn’t hurt, of course).

With the awakening of my prostate, the barest touch brings a sudden hit of pleasure that is right there at the boundary of pleasure and pain.  For a few days now, she’s been waking from her stress-induced slumber; and every time I go to the bathroom, the urination orgasms get stronger.  They start out as almost painful but not quite — and since I know this process, I know what I’m experiencing.  There is no actual pain, and the key is NOT to clench UP on the urinary muscles but to relax and release them — almost pushing down and out, which makes the U-orgasms stronger (and even more awesome).  I can experience 2 or 3 climaxes each time I go to the bathroom.  After each time, I notice the water in the toilet is cloudy.  The stronger the urination climaxes, the cloudier the water.  Again, knowing what’s happening is important as pain during urination and “cloudy” urine can be a sign of a urinary tract infection.  But again, there isn’t any pain — just lots of multiples pleasure, and the cloudiness is from the prostate, which creates creamy lube — vaginal fluid is clear.

I do my both-hands-on stim — 2 fingers of my left hand inside with my right hand on my external clit.  This feels amazing, and it goes on for about 15 minutes.  I can tell I’ve slipped the gear for climax and gone straight into the higher aroused state, which can last for a half hour, an hour, or longer, just depends on when my body can manage a climax at that point… or if my wrists and shoulders give out.

Not really wanting to spend an hour on this with no guarantee of a climax (though lots of orgasms are happening!), I decide to get out my glass toy.  The glass toy does the trick.  Reaching the exact spot of my She Spot is a little difficult sometimes — she moves around depending on how aroused I am and how swollen my internal erectile tissues are (and the layers of vaginal muscles pushing in).  This is the main reason men have trouble locating and keeping track of the “G-spot” — SHE MOVES! :-)

The glass toy has become an integral part of my sexual/sensual routine.  The glass toy is not a penis “replacement,” as it isn’t shaped like a penis — more like a really strong finger that can reach up inside to the spots I can’t, even up to the A-spot, though I’m concentrating on my prostate to keep her awakening/training on schedule.

The climax with the glass toy is stunningly glorious, and better yet, emotional!  I associate my climax orgasms with a deep emotional connection — just like I need my sex — and since I had not cried after a climax in about two months, this was a welcome return to my orgasms as I know them and love them.

I am satiated and assume I’ll just lay back, maybe doze off, enthralled in the bliss of orgasms and a multiple climax.  After about 10 minutes, I think, “Why not try the cyberskin and see if he fits?”  Agreeing with myself (as I often do), I reach for him and apply some of my favorite lube (I always use lube with toys — it’s just not the same as skin on skin).  I take a deep breath, and press the tip of my most favorite toy to my vaginal opening, and on my exhale, I try to slide him in.  I get the tip in, and it stings a little as it always does — darn horny prostate!  :-)  I breathe again, and on the exhale try pushing him in a little further.  I can feel him passing through the opening of my pubic bone, stretching me to my max.  Slowly bringing him a little further in, I start crying.  It feels so amazing, I literally start crying and having orgasms.  And I’m not moving him!  This has only happened once before, so I wasn’t completely surprised… just pleasantly surprised… and so awestruck by the emotion as well as the physical and subtle body sensations coursing through my body.

I move him slowly for several minutes — he felt amazing — but I wasn’t sure how long I could last in that orgasm stupor, so I sped up the thrusting a bit, and that sent me into orgasms.  I speed up further, and I’m soon crying even more from the pleasure.  I thrust him as fast as I can, and I’m off in another level of orgasm I’d missed for the past 2 months.  When the ultimate climaxes started, I am in such a state: crying, orgasming, and moaning sounds that are practically howls of rapture.  My climaxes are not localized to the clitoris; they are full-body and go upward and outward not downward.  I am in vertigo and floating.  This is where I love to be.  I am home.

I keep the climaxes going as long as I can — until my hands absolutely must fly up over my head, and so they do.  By this point my crying is deep, wracking sobs, my knees up pulled up to my chest, and my hands up above me, fingers splayed.

I’m sure anyone watching this might be a little freaked out.  :-)  But female orgasm is a powerful force of Nature.  And I love being a force of Nature.   )O(

Aroused and powerful,

trish


RADIO: Porn vs. Erotica Sex – CALL-IN Show


Lovers Tango - ArousedWoman.comHow do you define porn? What is erotica to you? Both are protected by the First Amendment, but for me, each has a different vibe — and no, I don’t mean sex toys!

Listen to my radio broadcast at BlogTalkRadio.com/Aroused on this very topic of “Porn vs. Erotica Sex,” then come back here and leave a comment below!

The p0rn of the 1970′s and 1980′s made caricatures out of the women as hyperorgasmic nyphomaniacs with the men serving no purpose other than just being an erection that jackhammered vaginas.

So what do you think of porn’s ….

  • fake breasts
  • skewed body image
  • fake orgasms
  • disrespect of women and women’s real sexuality
  • disrespect of men’s sexuality
  • men ejaculating on a woman’s face
  • female ejaculation falsely represented by urination
  • several men gang-banging one woman
  • cheezy music and bad lighting…

Women have since taken the lead in writing, directing, and producing sex on film. This, plus the rise of amateur vids distributed via the internet, has changed how people want to see their sex.

As I say all the time on Twitter:  The human body is beautiful.  Sex is beautiful.  Orgasm is natural.  Reject dogma (and bad p0rn) that shames you into thinking otherwise. :-)

trish

Recommended Reading:


DailyOJ 03-01-13, Part 1: Introducing My Newest Toy to My Inner Sanctum


Copyright 2013 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.

yoni-vulva-labia-iris-flower-peachRecently, I wrote a mild-mannered review of one of my newest additions to my orgasm accoutrements, the Adam PleasureSkin Cock.  I tried to keep the review on point, but I wanted to elaborate a bit here.  I’ve now used this toy 4 times, so I can adequately recommend this guy with some hindsight and careful considerations — though, I still whole-heartedly recommend this toy for those who are experienced large toy/large penis aficionados.

The toy, which I’ll just call “Bob,” is made of “PleasureSkin” and has an insertible length of 6.5″ and a width of 2″.

I was concerned that 6.5″ would not seem like that much as the shortest real penis I’ve ever had was 8″.  Noting that in the Amazon reviews, a few women (and a couple men) mentioned how long it took to get the thing in, I definitely went slowly and used more than my usual amount of lube.  I also spent extra time beforehand on yoni massage to warm up the skin around my vagina’s opening since a large penis can stretch the flesh uncomfortably (read:  excruciating pain!).

The conical head slid in part way, then stopped.  I brought him out, then tried again, giving an extra little push.  There was slight pain — more like a stinging sensation — at the anterior wall where my prostate is.  My first thought was, “I’m surprised the pain isn’t at the fourchette (the “bottom” of the vaginal opening), so I must have done enough yoni massage — good.”  My next thought was, “Anything that upsets my prostate gets thrown in the dumpster.”

It took 3 very slow tries to get the head in, each time stinging.  Once the head was in, the shaft did not have the same effect on my prostate, so I proceeded.  I made the mental note that a prostate-based orgasm before using this guy might not be ideal since my prostate swells with fluid and the tendrils of the prostate “poke through” into the vagina during arousal.  (That feels much better than it sounds!)

Once in, I was taken aback by just how full I felt.  Like other reviewers, I thought the sheer width of this thing had issued me a challenge, and I was determined to win.  It took a good 10 minutes of repeatedly slow, methodical entry and withdrawal for me to get this thing even a few inches in.  And even after using “Bob” 4 times now, I haven’t gotten him more than about 4.5″ inside.  (Yes, I felt like less of a woman because I couldn’t take any more of him in.  I must have more issues to deal with.  Dammit.)

The width is absolutely delicious.  In fact, just thinking about how this thing feels inside…. I… I………. I……… OH MY FUCKING GOD, YES!  This is the most wonderful-feeling toy I have ever tried!!!  Even more than the feeling of the toy inside was the feeling of the toy between my fingers of my right hand as I slid him in and out with my left hand.  This toy absolutely feels like a real penis to the touch.  Even running my fingertips over the balls was so incredibly familiar, I began having a surreal moment in which I didn’t have to imagine a man in my man’s eye, this thing made the man come to life in my body and my mind.  To say nothing of the sensation of the balls against my butt… delicious!

I moved my hand over my clit, and she was swollen like I’ve never felt her — my entire mons pubis seemed more swollen than ever before.  With my hand on top of my mons, I could actually feel the different parts of the toy as he slid in and out — especially on the out.  Bringing him all the way out with a little “pop” sound, my clit and mons pubis felt the same as when they’re normally aroused.  Once he was back in, she was so swollen again, I was amazed on how full she felt from the outside.  I tried to focus on both feelings at once — my full clit and the gentle push past my labia as he re-entered… I couldn’t focus on both.  It felt too good to focus on any one thing, actually.

The first time I used him, I experienced a huge climax.  I was left emotional, crying, panting, writhing, back arching, legs kicking out, until another round of orgasms hit, and I was moaning all over again.  Finally, I couldn’t maneuver this thing anymore, and my hands went up over my head, and more emotion, more crying, breathless panting, and uncontrollable writhing.  Then began the after-O’s, a series of progressively smaller orgasms that usually last about a half hour that eventually taper off to simple hip movements and glutes clenching, until even that subsides, and I’m in a type of vertigo bliss.

The second time I used this guy, I made the mistake of changing my hand position in the middle of the hard thrusting — instead of just holding it, I tried an over-hand hold to lessen the weight on my wrist.  Big mistake.  Changing technique in the middle usually spells disaster for arousal, and sure enough, I felt the instant drain of sensation as my nerve receptors switched gears.  It took a couple minutes holding it the regular way to get back to that level of arousal and then finish. I made the mental note not to make that mistake of changing in mid-stream again.  The climax was fantastic, though.

The third time I used Bob, I spent over 15 minutes just moving him in and out very, very slowly.  I cannot describe how sublime this felt.  (I don’t think most men appreciate the slow approach or slow sex, which is a darn shame.  This was heavenly.)  My inner labia grew even more sensitive to the feel of him as I progressed, until the nerve endings in my labia were all lit up, giving extra sensation to the motion.  But he was getting heavy in my hand, and I knew I wanted to finish fast and hard.  I almost hated speeding up because I could have stayed in that “neutral” zone for hours, however the bliss was electric and emotionally stirring.

The fourth time with him was a mixed experience… and completely unexpected…

* Read Part 2. *

trish

Recommended Products:

Links:


AskTrish: Man Confused As to Why I Love the Penis So Much


TeamUncut ForeskinFriday - Uncircumcised Man - Ginger - Gold Baroque FameDear Trish,

I cannot understand the appeal of what makes a man’s cock gorgeous in your eyes since I am not a woman nor gay. I am still trying to figure out why men and some women, are so hard wired to love breasts, large or not. The mind is an interesting organ.

Anonymous

Ohio

Dear Anonymous,

Cock?  No.  Penis, lingam?  Yes!  The penis is absolutely divine.  Lingam puja is a specialty of mine… or it was — back when I was sexually active…

There is just no describing that feeling of being full — being filled by a penis, stretched by the width, rubbed by the corona on the anterior wall (where the female prostate lives!!) — it’s just too amazing to put into words… or seeing how the penis changes under different touch, whether by fingers, lips, tongue, sliding my labia up and down the shaft, massaging the muscles of the shaft, following the raphe seam with my tongue, sucking the balls, seeing the pre-cum glistening as it oozes out, tonguing the swollen meatus that looks like tiny labia, dipping my tongue into the urethral opening… hearing a man moan because of it… the taste of sweet ejaculate… yum…

The penis is just an awesome toy to play with.  I really miss that…

Breasts are a whole other story… And especially for women, the mind is the most important sex organ.

trish

Related Articles:

Links:


OpEd: Hardcore Erotica, Animalistic Sex, and Hair Pulling


couple-touching-clawsA male member of the AW Forum posted a discussion in the Music to Set the Mood area, saying:

“Just thought I would add a category that I like to call ‘Hard Erotica.’  It’s a little more gritty and animalistic… Sometimes a good fuck requires a little hair pulling….”

Seriously? We’re back to the “so easy a cave man could do it” attitude toward sex?

The songs to which this member linked were dance-music, “hardcore erotica” tracks from Basic Instinct and Madonna. As a composer of real music, I find that this sort of computerized drivel personifies what is wrong with popular music (overproduced, over-sampled, monotonous in “beat”), but I’ll leave that aside for now.

Describing an enthusiastic fuck as “animalistic” begins to lead the conversation about sex back toward hardcore porn — removing the humanity from sex and encouraging the monotonous mechanics of impersonal fucking — which is not something I subscribe to and is NOT the purpose of my forum or anything related to ArousedWoman(TM). Sex should be about connection — even casual fucking should have a dose of humanity and connectedness to it.

We all know sex can get really heated and… exuberant… that doesn’t mean the intent is “animalistic,” necessarily. This sort of description is exactly the terminology the church used to shame sex — that it was “base” and only for “lower” animals. Deep, fast, thrusting sex can be thrilling for sure, but that doesn’t mean it is “animalistic.” Sex can also be incredibly tender and beautiful. Sex should be a raising of energy between partners, not just a means of tension relief from erratic muscular contractions. In fact, from a Tantric perspective, the best orgasms happen from “slow sex.” (Yes, I said slow sex — as in, the man enters the vagina, and nobody moves for an hour… Yes, I said an hour.)

For myself, I make it clear to a partner that hair pulling is absolutely NOT OKAY. It’s not only a sign of aggravated assault (to me), but yanking a woman’s head back via hair pulling is dangerous to the cervical spine and the larynx (the tube for breathing and speech).

Men may have a fantasy about hair pulling because of what they’ve seen in “hardcore porn,” but only because they’ve never been on the receiving end of having their head yanked back by their long hair or ponytail. No, it is not the same feeling as when a woman curls her fingers in a man’s short hair (on his head) and pulls his head back (that is bad enough), but to have someone grab hold of your long hair, use it like a handle to jerk your head back is horribly painful — and again, dangerous to the neck and larynx.

Yes, I know, some readers will complain (again) that I’m being all “puritanical” and I’m “not at peace” with myself for expressing my opinion (and I’m not even on my period and all hormonal), but I don’t exist to perpetuate the stereotypes of women or sex. So suck it.

ArousedWoman(TM) is about awakening from the “dirty,” impersonal, shame-filled KoolAid of sexuality as demonized by religion and kinkified by a society still trying to find balance in sexual practices and “roles.” As I say on Twitter: “The human body is beautiful. Sex is beautiful.” Nothing about ArousedWoman(TM) is about hardcore porn, so find another site if that’s all you care about — there are plenty of porn & sex sites that perpetuate the pro-church, misogynistic attitudes toward sexuality. ArousedWoman(TM) is NOT one of those.

One last word on monotonous dance music… If a man can only move his hips in one rhythm, he’s a dud in bed. Give me a man who can fuck the 1812 Overture, and we’ll talk.

trish

Recommended Products:


DailyOJ 01-23-13, Part 2: Differences Using Glass Toy & Crying Emotional Orgasms


Copyright 2013 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
woman-clit-glass-dildo-sex-toy* Read Part 1 *

My only problem with the knees up position is that it tires out my hip flexors, and frankly, it’s rather a tight fit with my arms squished in between my breasts and my thighs — but I manage. I’ll use pillows to support my knees/legs next time. I almost laugh at seeing (and really feeling!) my feet shaking as arousal of my prostate kicks in.

As I get near the climax, the sensations are very different than with my penis-shaped toy, a.k.a, “Sparkles,” and the series of orgasms/climax itself is different as well. I had a similar feeling to the first time I orgasmed with the glass toy — I wasn’t sure if I “liked” the orgasms it induced (with clit stim), then I realized this time around that I was judging the orgasms, as if I were expecting the orgasms to be the same as they are with Sparkles.

After using the glass toy with my knees up, I’m really beginning to appreciate how the experience is completely different — I think I was waiting for the arousal sensations and the orgasmic progress to be the same as hands-on blended O’s or penetration orgasms. Now that I’m familiar with the sensations brought on by the firm, directional “touch” of the glass female prostate toy, I am loving learning the various feelings that are evoked — and especially the longer “finish” since my hands and wrists aren’t as tired.

The sounds I make are also much different than using the penis-y toy or using my hands. I seem to have different moans for each style of stimulation as well as for each level of arousal. The sounds I make with the glass toy are mid-way between the soft “Oooooo’s” and “Ahhhh’s” of the hands-on blended O’s and the much more guttural, louder (loud!) exclamations of the penetrative stimulation.

My one concern was that the emotional after-cry would be absent since the crying, uterine orgasms tend to be triggered by the deep, fast, filling thrust of the penis toy. The first time I used the glass toy like this a couple weeks ago, there was emotion but no crying, and yes, I felt “disappointed.” But every time since then the emotions/orgasms have produced crying immediately, intense crying that emanates from my heart/torso not my genitals. I curl up into a ball, rocking side to side from the intensity of the crying — which I now consider to be part of my orgasmic process since it is such a strong release of… something…

Today was no different. Using the glass toy, I was able to stim more orgasms than usual until I just couldn’t keep my hands from going up over my head any longer. The deeply felt crying was immediate and surprising, yet so very welcome. When I first started having these crying uterine orgasms, they only happened with the penis toy, then I was able to experience them with hands-on stimulation. Having these overwhelmingly emotional orgasms with the glass toy means these insanely intense orgasms are available to me regardless of the method of delivery — penis, glass, hands, etc. Which is quite a relief, actually. I think everyone is a little nervous about using a new toy or being with a new partner because you’re not quite sure what the experience or the results will be.

Another cool factoid about today’s orgasm episode is that my prostate creamed all over the glass toy. When I pulled it out to look at it, I had frothy prostate juice on my arm, my hands, and the toy was covered. Awesome!

Yes, my orgasms are coming along very nicely. Onward to the next adventure!

Aroused and exploring!

trish

Recommended Products:


AskTrish: Man With Large Penis Worries About Causing Girlfriend Pain During Sex


Trish – I would like to ask a question in relation to the gentlemen who asked about small penises. I’m a man in my late 20′s and have been sexually active for roughly 10 years.  In those ten years, I have grown to know that I have a rather large penis.  I have lost girlfriends due to the sheer girth and length (8+ inches) as most women find it hard to accommodate me during intercourse. My present girlfriend is smaller in stature and has had a child but we have intercourse roughly once or twice a week due to her not enjoying it most times.  I have tried different positions and a lot of other things and I am just curious as to how you would coach someone to help with this.  I attached a picture just as a reference point.  Thanks!

Sincerely,

N., in Ohio

Dear N.,

Thank you for such a great question!  Whether talking about breasts or penises, our culture is yet again let down by the “bigger is better” brainwashing and phallic fallacies of porn.  The stereotyped preference for a huge penis not only does a disservice to more modest members, but it does not realistically show the physical burden on the woman or the emotional and psychological impact on the man.

The great points I see in your post are 1) you care for your partner beyond just your physical gratification, 2) you seem willing to want to learn some new techniques, and 3) with having sex a couple times per week, you’re doing better than most men!  However, pain during sex can strain the relationship, and while there are techniques you can learn, sometimes a woman feeling pain during sex has nothing to do with you.

Certain positions are better for long penises, while others automatically hurt the woman.  The better positions for a long penis will be missionary, rear entry, and side-behind positions.  Positions that can hurt the woman physically include woman-on-top and even legs-over-the-shoulders, depending on the length of the man.

Girth is an entirely different issue.  For you, N., you better love the vagina because the only way you will be able to have sex that doesn’t hurt your woman is to resolve yourself to LOTS of pre-penetration attention on your woman’s body EVERY time.  And your woman will have homework as well.

Most women want fullness during penetrative sex, but in order to accommodate any penis at all, the vagina must be properly warmed up.  If the vagina and labia are not warmed up, swollen thick with arousal, wet from vaginal fluid or lube, AND the vaginal entrance wide open, then the vagina is not truly ready for sex.

The pre-penetration ritual should ideally begin with her mind, then perhaps evolve to kissing (her mouth), moving southward to copious amounts of breast worship, eventually leading to your fingers stimulating her vulva.  The vagina is comprised of muscles whose job is to stretch for penetration as well as for childbirth.  I’m thinking your issue may not be the inner vagina but the opening and first inch or so.

The opening to the vagina is encircled by the labia as well as the remnants of the hymen.  These hymenal remnants can be like any scar tissue that is less pliable than the rest of the skin.  The hymen also does not have its own source of lubrication so it must be lubricated with vaginal fluid or purchased lube.  Warming up the labia — the lips — outside the vaginal opening is just as important because this skin is attached to the muscles that will need to stretch to accommodate your penis.

A great reason to switch to watching erotica is to learn techniques that warm up the vulva, or as she’s called in Tantra: “yoni.”  Yoni massage is a time-proven technique in Eastern sexual philosophy but is not as widely known in the West.  The vaginal opening can be warmed up with your mouth, tongue, or fingers in a yoni massage.

Not just oral sex, yoni massage is a hands-on Tantric practice of showing respect and devotion to the entire vulva — the labia, the vagina, the mons pubis — respect to the whole woman.  Using lube or massage oil with your warm hands, slowly massaging your woman’s vulva for half an hour will stretch the skin, the opening, and the inner muscles required for comfortable penetration.  In fact, midwives/doulas will have a woman’s partner do yoni massage on her during labor to prevent a tearing of the vaginal opening.  (*Side note: Oil and condoms don’t mix.*)

Just inside the vaginal opening, the clitoris takes on a life of its own.  Not just the little nub visible from the outside, the clit can be up to 6 inches long inside her body, several inches wide, and has 18 distinct parts.  Forming a horseshoe over and around the vaginal opening, the clitoral bulbs are erectile tissue that swell with blood during arousal and grip whatever is inside the vagina as the woman nears climax.  If the vagina was snug before, at this point, the vagina may be uncomfortably tight.  For the woman, she may resist getting fully aroused or getting near climax to avoid discomfort.  For the man, the squeezing of the penis may be so great he might start to lose his erection.

This is where lube plays an important role in sex.  Even if your woman is young, healthy, active, and gets “wet,” use lots of lubricant anyway.  Friction sex hurts at the best of times.  When there is a size discrepancy between partners, lube may be your life-(and relationship)-saver.  Here’s a link to the lube I use and absolutely love.

Your homework:

  • Spend at least half an hour on her breasts and vulva — this might actually need to last an hour!
  • Use your fingers, not just your tongue, to gently stretch the vagina.  If you can insert 2 fingers, open them in a “V” and massage the interior, moving your fingers open and closed.  If you can’t get 2 fingers in, she’s nowhere near ready for penetration.
  • Use lots of lube.  Lots!
  • Give her a few orgasms with your mouth and/or hands first to make sure she’s ready for your penis.
  • Do slow, sensuous sex once you’re inside, not  hard, fast, thrusting friction sex.
  • Don’t try positions that keep her legs together, i.e., her legs over your shoulders or rear entry with her knees together.
  • Also, positions that bring her knees up to her torso shorten the vagina, which may not work well with a long penis.
  • Look at  the book Yoni Massage as well as the DVD Guide to Fingering: How to Touch a Woman.

The woman’s homework:

  • Do solo yoni massage every day to encourage the tissues to stretch.
  • Take a hot bath or shower before sex to warm the skin and muscles in the groin.
  • Drink lots of water to encourage your natural vaginal fluids (and lay off the caffeine).
  • Exercise your PC muscles by pushing outward, not just tensing up and inward.
  • Push out  on the vaginal muscles as the man enters you.
  • Use your fingers or toys that stretch and relax the vaginal muscles.
  • Trying relaxation techniques such as mediation and/or deep belly breathing to soothe your nerves and warm the pelvic girdle.

So what if you do all this and sex still hurts?  If the painful sex has been going on a while, the woman may have developed a slight phobia now that she associates sex and pain.  This can be helped with lots  of talking, yoni massage prior to sex, and adopting a non-attachment philosophy during your time together.  It is also possible the woman may have a vaginal, uterine, or pelvic condition that is contributing to the pain, and she should see her OBGYN for an exam.

You’ll be pleased to note that the vagina stretches (or shrinks) to fit a regular partner.  So trying the yoni massage and slow sex techniques frequently may help your situation in the long run.  Also, I’ve just updated the Store page on the AW site, so look through the books and DVD’s to further your technique quest.

The important thing is that you  do not develop a negative outlook on your body or your partner.  Your heart can’t help whom it falls in love with.  With patience and some effort, your bodies can become as compatible as your affections.

I hope this has helped.  Feel free to let me know if you have more questions, and I look forward to my readers’ replies!

Take care,

trish

* Read more AskTrish: AskTrish Posts *

* AskTrish a question: AskTrish *


DailyOJ 09-10-12: Sick & Tired, Unexpected Emotion, & Energy


As I laid down to start the session, I wondered if I’d be able to do it.  I had come down with something that felt like a cold.  I felt weak and tired.  My nose had alternated between runny and/or stuffy, and I was coughing.  I realized then that it must have been starting early last week, when I had the clit debacle.  My body must have, in her wisdom, been redirecting energy to my immune system.  Experiencing orgasm, especially manually stimulated orgasm, takes an inordinate about of energy — chi, prana.  This is why physical orgasms are exhausting while energy-based and spontaneous, Kundalini orgasms recycle and grow energy.

Not knowing what to expect, I made the conscious decision to be in non-attachment.  Being tired (at 1:00 in the afternoon, no less), I wasn’t sure I could do a full session anyway.  I made an agreement with my body to just experience whatever there was to experience, and I would be satisfied and content.

Similar to last session (and most sessions), I started with my nipples.  But there was excruciating pain.  My period is well over a week off, so why such painful sensitivity, I had no idea.  I massaged the underside of my breasts to stim those nerve endings, and gently brushed my fingertips over the nipple tips, and that helped to lessen the pain.  The nipple orgasms took a minute longer to achieve than their usual instant O’s, but I was glad that they were “working”…. and apparently was back in an ego mindset of “keeping tally.”  I re-set my mindset to non-attachment, and my hands headed south.

Doing a simple OM-touch on my clit, these orgasms took a minute or so to get going as well.  My SASO’s seemed to be on coffee break.  Everything was going to take effort today… just when I’m sick and tired.

As I checked for readiness at my vaginal opening, I was almost bone dry.  I’d been feeling “parched” in my throat and feared I’d be dry vaginally, too.  Sure enough, I was.  Thinking back, my caffeine levels were way too high compared to my water intake.  Caffeine is the death of orgasm because of its vaso-constriction of blood vessels — and both men and women require healthy blood vessels for arousal and physical orgasm.

At this point, I knew I probably wouldn’t do anything with Sparkles.  A little lube is always used with Sparkles, but starting out not wet and relying only on lube for moisture leads to “friction sex” and that is painful.  With my immune system low and my SASO’s on vacation, I knew this would be hands-only today.

I started by creating moisture, continuing nipple O’s and OM/clit O’s.  This brought on enough fluid that I could insert my fingers to love on my prostate. As she grew with arousal and her texture changed from smooth to ridged, I started on my clit with circles.  I did not wet my clit.  In fact, I usually start with dry fingers on either side of my hooded clit.  This allows me to get a hold on the clitoral shaft, stimulating up and down the shaft as well as across the head.  (Note:  Do NOT try this on a woman without her permission.  I know what I’m doing and what I’m feeling.  If using dry touch, definitely let the woman lead.  And pay attention to her reactions!)

I didn’t even pay attention to the time.  I just enjoyed whatever was there to feel and savor.  All of my previous concerns melted away as I got close to orgasm — I could feel my prostate was swollen as were the clitoral vestibules squeezing in like a vice-grip on my fingers.  The blended orgasm was powerful and seemed to keep going and going.  I finally had to stop because I could not manipulate my hands anymore.  I was exhausted.  Then it happened.

I cried.  Emotion had bubbled beneath the surface last time, but this was emotion that I experience only after deep-thrust, A-spot/uterine orgasms.  I felt that same outpouring of happiness, sadness, joy, wishful thinking, and longing that I feel after penetrative orgasms.  I’ve never actually cried after a blended orgasm, but this was a great experience.

I looked over at Sparkles, and thought, “What’s the point?”  I was incredibly satisfied so I didn’t need the penetration — the rapid finger-thrusts on my prostate had taken care of that need.

As I lay back, the after-O’s in my vagina, vulva, abs, and legs were so palpable, I had a spontaneous orgasm or two.  The energy pulsated through me.  I noticed I was having similar muscle spasms in my right bicep.  After a minute or so of very strong muscle contractions in the bicep head, the spasms moved around my arm to the triceps, and eventually faded as the contractions in my vagina, anus, abs, and hips slowed down.

Hours later, at my desk, I felt an energy radiating outward from my vaginal opening area.  If you’ve ever seen a stylized drawing of a sun, with rays beaming outward in all directions from the perimeter of the sun center, that is what this felt like.  This energy kept pulsating outward, a steady rhythm from my vaginal opening center, outward toward my legs.  I don’t know how long this went on (while I tried to work), but other energy zaps and zings occurred on the outsides of my legs, scalpgasms that circumferenced my head and tickled my face, and even spasms on the bridge of my nose — didn’t think there was any muscle there — that seemed to last for over an hour.

Overall, this was an interesting experience that left me breathless and deeply satisfied physically and emotionally.  The unexpected emotion was as welcome as the after-effects of spasms and energy zings.  I’m excited to see and feel what else happens.

Aroused and non-attached,

trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s DailyOJ.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


Chapter 6 of “Confessions of an Aroused Woman” Now Available as .PDF!


Released on Kindle a few months ago, Chapter 6 of Confessions of an Aroused Woman is now available as a .PDF for only $3.00.  Based on personal experiences, Confessions of an Aroused Woman  is a fictionalized series of erotica vignettes that is women-positive, sex-positive, and all-around fun to read.

Reviews on Amazon.com:

Refreshingly, realistically, erotic   May 31, 2012  ~   By B. Lee

Trish Causey’s writing is as informative and exciting as her website. It is fascinating to read her first-person accounts of what an aroused woman feels and does. The scene in which she is showing her man her masturbation, describing in exquisite detail her actions and sensations and thoughts, while he honors her arousal and gradually contributes to it, is intense! The chapter is so descriptive, hot, and wet, that it’s almost an erotic case study, and men-loving women would do well to take notes, with a towel nearby.

An open door…May 31, 2012  ~   By Saloonsinger

I read with relish this chapter of Confessions of an Aroused Woman. Ms. Causey writes with power and emotion. She takes us with her on a journey into being her complete and sexual self, and in so doing opens the door for each of us to recognize the same power within us. I highly recommend her as someone to keep an eye out for in the book world.

One of my Twitter followers wrote on 09-03-12:

 

 

 

 

Purchase Chapter 6 for only $3.00… to tide you over until the entire book is ready for publication!  Be sure to type in your email address, so I can email the .PDF to you.

‘ CONFESSIONS OF AN AROUSED WOMAN’ – CHAPTER 6 ~ $3.00

When you click through to the PayPal side, be sure to type in your email address in the comment area, so I can email you the .PDF. You will receive it within 12 hours of PayPal notifying me of your purchase.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you!  And I really hope you enjoy it.  MUAH!!  xoxo

trish


DailyOJ 08-24-12: Double-Dipping, Sporadic Awakening, & New Responses


Copyright 2012 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.

I didn’t feel the need for laying in bed an hour or longer, to relax or process out mind noise.  I think I was “lying” broken” for less than half an hour, doing my SASO nipple-gasms and OM clit-gasms, just to tone down the sensitivity in my nipples and clit — otherwise I’d just orgasm through my KSMO session… (apparent fail — I still O’d through my KSMO session).  I did about 14 minutes of KSMO, using a mix of nipple stim, sensual massage, and then clit/prostate stim.  Following that, I moved on to a solo session.

The trip to full-on, penetrative orgasms didn’t take long, about 8 minutes, and the results were predictably amazing.  And yet, the emotion that came with the orgasms was unpredictably extended.  Not the hard crying that can happen sometimes, my body eased into this emotional response, but once started, it was hard to shut off.  Of course, I’m not in the habit of shutting off my sexual responses (anymore), so I let it play out, trying to feel what my body was experiencing with the after-orgasms, but feeling true emotion welling up and needing to be released.

I lay there for about a half hour, dreading the getting up and continuing on with my day.  I wanted to feel something new.  Strange how even these amazing orgasmic experiences are beginning to feel mechanical and routine.  Having stimulated my prostate during the KSMO session, she was primed for the Sparkles treatment.  But now, laying in the after-glow, I could feel her throbbing, growing.  She wanted more.  I wasn’t sure if my shoulder and wrist would last for another round, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try.

I lubed up Sparkles, and on the insertion, I could tell I was much tighter.  My prostate was definitely engorged, as were the vaginal walls that were pulsating inward, and I think the inner clit was still swollen as well.  The sensation of being truly filled was almost breathtaking.  Not to disparage Sparkles — I got him for his upward curve, not his girth.  (Dammit.)  But I loved the feeling of being full.  With a truly turned-on prostate, I felt those all-over ripples down my arms and legs, my legs began to shake — which usually only happens with hands-on prostate stimulation.  I reveled in the feeling of needing to urinate because I knew it had nothing to do with my bladder and everything to do with my She Spot/prostate.  I had been missing that feeling all summer.  To have that wave, that full-body shudder was joyously pleasing.

I didn’t think my arm would last at this point.  I thought I might have to stop, but I soldiered on, and I’m so glad I did.  When the orgasms started, they were full-body, fully arching, fully voiced, loud, rockin’-and-rollin’ orgasms.  I kept going as long as my arms would let me, then they flew up over my head, and Sparkles almost went flying across the room.

As the last few orgasms hit, I realized my teeth were chattering!  This was a completely new sexual response for me.  I don’t do fetishy stuff — never used an ice dildo or anything, so I’ve never experienced chattering teeth before… (great… in my head, I’m now hearing the song “John Wayne’s Teeth Hey-ya”…)

Being Irish, I love being cold.  In the winter, I keep my house around 60, and it feels awesome.  I wish I could afford to keep my house this cold in the summer!  In winter, my teeth will chatter occasionally, but for the most part, I feel like I’m in heaven in a cold house.  This is ironic since my skin always seems to be hot to the touch.  When I touch people, they move suddenly, saying my hands are burning hot.  I joke and say, “I’m Irish.  I’m exothermic.”  If they’re Pagan or Witchy, I say, “I’m a Fire Spirit, hence my nickname ‘Lava.’”  (If they’re fundy Christian, I tell them I’m a Witch.  Just to see their reaction as they run in the other direction. :P)  But I don’t feel hot — I really think it’s my body just letting off the heat so I can be cold.  Go Team Shamrock!

The teeth chattering while crying was a bit weird… and yet knowing I had had a second emotional orgasm was oddly satisfying — not sure why… But as the crying and teeth chattering faded, I began to feel the beginnings of a heartgasm — a buzzing in my ribcage area, the faint beginnings of that astral pull I have been wanting to experience again.  Unfortunately, a full heartgasm did not develop (rats!), but I was able to enjoy some lingering prostate body-shudders later when I went to the bathroom, and sporadically since.  Also, I recalled that when I had the 2-week-long heartgasm last Fall as well as the heartgasms in May, it was due to double-dipping — going two separate rounds of penetrative solo sex that concentrated on prostate stimulation.  That info is now filed for next time!

After awakening so grandly on 08-08-12 and 08-10-12, then having the back pain for a week, then the subsequent chakra cleansing, then my period, I’m already getting tired of the stops and starts on my journey.  I’m ready to hit cruise control for a bit.  But that’s just some Yang energy coming to the fore.  After being so Yin for several months, I was actually getting concerned I’d lost my inner fire.  I’m very appreciative of the Yang energy surfacing long enough to say “Hi” but not overwhelm my new Yinning state.

I briefly entertained the notion of recording my orgasms so I can hear them later — to get a sense of what’s happening vocally when my body is blissed out orgasmically.  And then I had the horrible thought of taking a month-long break from any orgasms at all.  Now I know I’m going crazy.

Speaking of going crazy, I think my shamanic dreams are coming back.  The past few nights, I’ve had some strange and intense dreams.  So I’ve decided to start a dream journal as well.  More on that later.  But for now, I’m about to hit the busy, busy last week of the month to meet all my writing deadlines (for my paying jobs), so I might take this week off from intentional orgasms.  Hmmmmmm….

Aroused and chattering,

trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s DailyOJ.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


OpEd: The Face of Orgasm: Is Your Woman Faking Orgasms or Not?


Copyright 2012 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
It’s been said that every woman fakes orgasms at some point.  Well, I’m here to tell you I never did.  Never.  I never had an orgasm during partnered sex, and I sure wasn’t going to fake it.  I made sure the guy knew I wasn’t seeing god, or cosmic rainbows, or magickal unicorns just because his penis was inside me.  He could deal with his ego later.

Recently, I read a particular, highly recommended book on cunnilingus but had a difficult time finishing it.  The anatomic information was mostly good, but the male  writer’s anecdotes about female  orgasm were peppered with sexist, rude, even misogynist remarks I simply could not overlook.  Having admitted that he was bad at sex and suffered with erectile issues, the author made the egregious comment that screamers and women who throw their heads back are “obvious” orgasm fakers.

I wanted to throw the book across the room, but unfortunately, I was at a restaurant.  (Yes, I read sex books while eating…  lunch.)

Women are complex creatures and are, thusly, capable of complex, varied types of orgasms.  It only makes sense that the body and the face would have different corresponding reactions.  Yes, I said body.  Were you only watching her face?

For a traditional clitoral orgasm, the orgasm is localized to the clit/genital area.  The woman’s torso will most likely crunch forward.  The hips/pelvis will tuck or raise up off the bed.  Her face will similarly be “crunched” into a look she wouldn’t really want to make otherwise: furrowed brow, gritting the teeth, even jutting the jaw forward.  (I could go into my theory on why this is but I would have to bore you with vocal science and the pedagogy of phonation.)

A vaginal/She Spot orgasm tends to be a full-body wave type of orgasm that washes over the body but lacks the explosion of the clitoral orgasm.  The woman’s mouth will be open, the jaw down and back, and she may moan differently because of it.  Her head may tilt backward, and she may even arch her back.  Please note the vagina has numerous spots capable of various kinds of pleasure and responses.

A blended orgasm that stems from both clitoral and vaginal/She Spot simulation is one of the most sought after orgasms because of its full-body wave effect coupled with the clit explosion.  This orgasm can induce both crunching forward and wild hip motions, plus arching backward, head back, and delicious moaning.

Other types of orgasms include nipple O’s, cervical O’s, orgasms of the P-spot, the K-spot, the perineal sponge, urethral/urination orgasms, anal O’s, and anywhere else on the body that she is super sensitive to touch.

Of all the physically-based orgasms, the most intense, for me, personally, is the uterine orgasm.  The uterine orgasm is brought on by stimulation of the cervix and A-Spot, coincidentally stimulating the prostate/She Spot at the same time.  This results in a compulsory doubling over and emotional outburst — a true gut-wrenching thrashing usually accompanied by uncontrollable crying.  Not pretty crying either.  So the face of this orgasm is kind of like a nervous breakdown — a bit unnerving for onlookers but soul-shatteringly amazing to experience.

These signs are for physically-based orgasms that most people can do without much effort.  Use plenty of lube, work the spots, communicate — not very difficult.  However, energy-based orgasms cause the body to twist and contort in ways unimaginable.

Kundalini orgasms are known for inducing a sharp, sudden, involuntary  arching of the back, in both women and men.  While some men consider arching the back to be a “woman’s” type of orgasm, I like to think of this phenomenon as a “human being’s” orgasmic response.  For Kundalini orgasms, the mouth may be wide open, deep moans being heard, while the head is bent so far back, you might think the woman is going into a gymnast’s backbend.  All of this is involuntary.  (And pretty frickin’ incredible!)

So what is the face of a woman who is having real orgasms?   Not something she’d want posted in the church’s Sunday bulletin, that’s for sure.  If the woman can, in any way, be considered to look “pretty,” she’s not having a real orgasm.

If she is crunching forward and her face looks as if she is somewhere between “really pissed off” and “warrior queen about to rip your limbs from your body,” then she’s probably having a real orgasm.  If her head is back, her mouth open, and her brow slightly to fully furrowed, that’s a great sign of a real orgasm as well.  When her arms fly up over her head, don’t be offended!  This doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to hold on to you.  Especially if her hands wind up behind her head, this is a great  sign of a deep, powerful orgasm.  (If you’ve read my DailyOJ, you know I can vouch for this effect.)

Her eyes may be open during clitoral orgasms, but for most other types of orgasms, her eyes will probably be closed.  For myself, I’ve noticed my eyes shoot open at the onset of blended orgasms but then immediately close again through the rest of the climax/multiple orgasms.  For Kundalini orgasms, my eyes are closed, head is all the way back, hands fly up over my head, and my body rocks-and-rolls side to side while my knees come up, then my legs kick out over and over again.  (Just sayin’.)

Other indicators of real orgasm are legs shaking and toes/feet curling inward, energy zings down the legs, rapid breathing, and even female ejaculation.

You decide:  Which one is faking and which one is real?

Along with the facial contortions or the gaping jaw and arching back, her skin will become flush due to increased blood flow, her nipples may be so perky they’re reaching for the ceiling, and her hips (hell, most of her body) will be moving involuntarily.  For energy orgasms, she will probably be rockin’-and-rollin’ side to side with extra contractions and rolling through her abdominals, not just crunching forward or arching backward as during physical orgasms.

If she can speak in complete sentences, or is constantly reassuring your ego, she might be faking for your benefit.  If her words are incoherent and grabbing at you is her only primal form of communication, then you might be on the right track — to helping her orgasm.

More importantly, don’t be so visual.  This isn’t porn.  This is a real, live woman.  You need to feel  her reactions.  When a woman is close to orgasm, especially if any clitoral stimulation has been done, the clitoral bulbs that form a “horseshoe” over and around the vaginal opening expand with blood flow, just as the penis expands with blood flow during arousal.  This feels like a vice-grip clamping down on your penis.

(Side note:  My asshole ex-husband used to tell me he didn’t like the vice-grip feeling because it made him start to lose his erection… so that’s probably why I never orgasmed with him.)

Remember, guys.  You cannot “make” a woman orgasm.  Orgasm begins and ends in the woman’s mind — not just her brain.  Stimulate her mind first and the body will follow suit.  In fact, the face and body will tell you everything if your sexual relationship is rooted in honest communication.

What does your face look like in orgasm?  Send me a picture, and I just might post it!

trish


Comments 08-10-12: Reasons to Read ‘Aroused Woman’


Not all the tweeting is serious.  On Twitter, I’m as openly sex-positive and frankly honest about sex and female genitalia as I am about tweeting my bleeding heart, progressive stance on human rights.

From OM to KSMO to my personal experiences I recount in my DailyOJ, AW is gaining more readers and more Twitter followers every single day.  Readers are writing in to tell me how reading this blog has helped them, and even men have reported new kinds of orgasms because they implemented some of my advice.

Below are a few examples of how Aroused  Woman is making awesome changes in people’s sex lives and relationships.  And I am so very honored to be a part of it.

Enjoy!

trish

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Comment 07-29-12: Being Honest About Opening the Vagina for Sex

Trish Causey's Aroused Woman - icon @ 500 px

While some of my writing is a little out there in topic and content, some of my posts are straight up annoyance and even anger based on personal experiences. When I write these posts, I never know if someone out there can actually relate — am I the only woman who’s ever experienced __________________  –  am I the only who who’s ever felt ________________ ?

I love when people leave comments here on the blog, so I know what my readers are thinking.  But I also love getting messages on Twitter from readers, especially people who can attest that what I’m saying is real — and maybe not so crazy as it feels sometimes.

Below is a comment from a reader who tweeted me after she read, “DailyOJ 07-29-2-12: Opening the Vagina for Sex.”

See?!  I’m not the only one! … who gets mad at the pizza delivery guy… :)

trish

 


Sex with Uncircumcised Men


With the issue of anti-circumcision rearing its “head,” I thought I’d petition comments from readers who would like to discuss the topic of uncut sex — sex with men who are not circumcised.

What does it feel like? Is slow sex better? Is deep penetration or shallow better? What are the pros and cons, the experiences from the man’s perspective? From his partner’s?

Mainly, I want to create an opportunity for mothers- and fathers-to-be to get a glimpse of why they should allow their sons to be left intact. Circumcision is permanent body modification, and this choice belongs to the male whose body would be affected. His parents are the stewards for his basic human right to be left whole.

There are rules for participating in the discussion!

Commenters can be:

  • Men who are UNcircumcised — I would especially love to hear from you guys!
  • Women/men who have been with men who are UNcircumcised — Please share your stories!
  • Circumcised men or their partners who have questions or comments regarding circumcision.
  • Readers who are supportive of the anti-circumcision movement and even potential legislation to ban circumcision.

Comments should be:

  • Respectful, NOT snarky toward men with circumcised penises — after all their right to choose what was done to their body was violated. It’s not THEIR fault they are cut.
  • From readers who have specific questions or info about the UNcircumcised penis, including hygiene, personal feelings/experiences, bullying, sexual info during arousal, penetration, orgasm, and after sex; oral, hand play, and anal sex; any info regarding the foreskin, lubrication, erections, ejaculation, sensations, etc.

Keep the conversation clean and respectful. And yes, every comment has to be approved by me first, so don’t waste my time being pro-circ, rude, snarky, or a jerk (or jerkette).

Check back often to read what others write, or sign up for the RSS Comments feed (on the right-hand side –>).

Now, chat away!

trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s Daily O.J.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


Me, My Breasts, and I


Copyright 2012 by Trish Causey.

I always hated my breasts.

For most of my life that was all I was good for. Having breasts. And thick hair. Breasts and hair.  That was me in a nutshell.  Nevermind that I was intelligent, talented in the performing and literary arts, a Girl Scout, an honor student, an activist, a nice person.  None of that mattered.  I had thick, red hair and large, lust-inducing breasts.

I woke up one morning at the age of 10, and POOF! There they were.  Size C practically overnight.  I went from being the wallflower nerd in 5th grade to getting weird looks from the boys who glanced at me from lowered eyelids but no longer talked to me.

At age 11, my ballet teacher measured me for my recital costume and announced (in front of my class much to my horror) that my measurements were 37-26-37.  She then had the nerve to tell me if I gained an inch in my waist, I’d have perfect measurements.  I’d just started my period and was about to get braces.  Having perfect measurements was nowhere on my radar.  And neither were boyfriends.

I was 13, working backstage at an international ballet competition, when a German photographer wanted to take “pictures” of me.  At age 15, I had my first experience with being mauled by a guy — a fellow cast member of a show, who was my ride home after a rehearsal.  With no other way to get home, I felt like I had to let him do what he wanted so he wouldn’t leave me there at the deserted library at 10 o’clock at night.  (This was well before cell phones were commonplace).  Luckily my leotard didn’t have snaps at the crotch.

While working on a local show, I was standing backstage when one of the actors, whose face was covered in heavy character make-up, paused as he was pacing before going on.  He stopped in front of me, looked at my breasts, and said, “If I didn’t have all this make-up on, I’d put my face in there and- He shook his head vigorously back and forth.  I had no idea what to say to that.  He was married with kids.  I was 16.

I graduated high school a D-cup and quickly moved into a DD.

While volunteering with a ballet company at age 18, the ballet master of a troupe visiting from Russia, cornered me in the Green Room after everyone had left.  Before I knew what was happening, he’d maneuvered both of my arms behind me and held my wrists in one of his hands while the other went to my blouse, untucking it from my skirt.  He grabbed my breasts and squeezed roughly.  His knee was between my legs which were trapped in a pencil skirt.  The more I fought, the stronger he became.  My only recourse when he kissed me was to bite his tongue as hard as I could.  He backed off immediately, blood pouring from his mouth.  I tucked in my shirt and told him he was never to do that again.  Even in this situation, my Southern upbringing would not allow me to be rude.

At 20, I traveled with a theatre company to South Korea for an international theatre competition.  I was friendly with the troupe from Tblisi, in the Republic of Georgia.  Just friends.  Nothing happened.  It was brought to my attention on the plane ride home that almost everyone in the competition — people from 16 countries — thought I’d fucked the entire acting company from Tblisi… and some of the Germans and a French guy.

Swell.

At 21, working the ballet competition again, I was more fully aware of my seeming powers over men, and I was ready to be slightly more proactive.  An Adonis of a male dancer from Cuba lusted after me, but his partner didn’t make it to Round 2, so I couldn’t take that opportunity to the next step.  A ballet master from Spain wanted me.  One night while making out with him, he, of course, went for my breasts first.  The intensity of the situation was too much, and while he wiped off his fogged up glasses, I made an excuse about needing to do something and left.

I didn’t understand what the big fuss was about.  When I was 9, my molestor used to admire the beginnings of my breasts, and she was greatly thrilled when they came in at age 10.  This coupled with all the other events made me leery of sex.  I was still a virgin at 21 until I was raped.  The guy repeatedly ran his fingernails up and down my breasts, commenting that he’d dreamt of the day he’d get his hands on them.  I knew him and we were in my bedroom, and at the time, the concept of date-rape was still new and not considered “real” rape.  I bled for four days, but I still felt his nails on my skin.

I was so embarrassed that I was still a virgin at 21, I did not report the rape for fear the policemen would laugh at me.  Or worse. It was too much to fathom sitting in a courtroom having to explain why I had never had sex, when everyone around me thought I was a slut.

For years, everyone thought I was a “loose girl” because I had large breasts.  Everyone just assumed I was a “certain way” because my Irish anatomy was genetically predisposed to being full-figured.  Finally, I’d been penetrated.  At least now, I wouldn’t have to pretend a reaction when people smirked in my direction.  The look of shame was real.

My breasts were never pin-up fabulous — not high or perky or uber firm — but they were large.  At theatre orgies, when I was 22 to 24, my breasts were all the rage.  And I was proud of them — but only because I knew they gave me power over men.  One guy wanted time with them, so I laid back on the bed, purring, until he said — out loud where everyone heard, “They went to the sides.”  I responded, “Yes, that’s what they do.”  He replied, “Nevermind. They’re just sacks of skin.”  I was humiliated.  He was used to breasts that didn’t move, defied gravity, and were perfect(ly fake).  As large as mine were, my breasts didn’t measure up.

Aged 25 and working as a leasing consultant at an apartment property, I’d forgotten the cardinal rule of being big-busted — never wear form-fitting sweaters.  Sure enough, as I sat there, one of the paint contractors walks in — I’d never seen him before.  He took one look at me, and exclaimed, “Damn, but don’t you put Dolly Parton to shame!”

Lovely.  From a complete stranger, no less.

I hated my breasts, and I wanted them gone.  I thoroughly researched breast reduction.  I watched every nerd channel show on plastic surgery, scrutinizing the process and the results.  I even worked for a plastic surgeon and felt I could practically do a breast redux consult and procedure myself by that point.

Frequently, I would have to ask my husband to massage my back to help release the knots.  These massages were never spa- or romance-novel-worthy.  They were painful — horribly-hot, sharp, stabbing, searing pain, painful.

From the nape of my neck to my bottom ribs, from one shoulder across to the other, my back was one, huge knotted mass of contracted muscle and pinched nerves, for years.  Constant back pain affected how I walked and how I slept — when I could sleep.  Permanent red grooves still scar my shoulders from their weight.

External and environmental projections of cultural myths and stereotypes compelled self-loathing within me I never would have imagined possible.  Having large breasts made my body acceptable for repeated sexual abuse, and society assumed I “wanted” it or “deserved” it just because of the way my body developed.

In 2004, I thought my marriage might work out after all. Things had looked up for a while, and I had surprised myself thinking that I might actually grow to love him again.  I was in the kitchen, and remarked, quite off the cuff, that I’d decided to go ahead and have the breast reduction surgery.  He shook his head, getting angry, and actually pouted.

After inquiring what was wrong, he said, “If you go through with it, I’ll never be able to make love to you again.  I would take one look at those hideous purple scars and be too disgusted to be aroused.”  That cut me to my soul.  And it solidified for me that he’d never truly loved me.  No man ever had or would.  I was nothing but breasts and hair to men.

I’ve had a child, whom I breastfed.  I purposely gained weight so my husband wouldn’t want me, which wrecked my thyroid.  Hurricane Katrina in 2005 and the subsequent PTSD didn’t help.  In 2010, I escaped my hellhole marriage and began a path of reclaiming my dreams and my identity.

Last fall, a friend suggested I try sensual massage as part of my orgasm awakening regimen.  I thought it was hokey, but I tried it anyway.  At the same time, I read Tantric Orgasm for Women, that included a breast meditation, which I also thought was hokey.  But I tried it anyway.

The sensual self-massage put me in touch with my body in a gentle, caressing way that I’d not thought possible.  I realized then that I had never been touched gently.  Ever.  By anyone.  Tingles rippled up and down my body.  Energy zinged up my spine, across my scalp, and tickled my face.

The breast meditation involved gently holding my breasts from the outside while mentally entering my breasts from the inside.  From my center.  From my heart.  This was the first time I experienced my breasts in relationship to my body and how they come from me.  Since I was 9, the attention my breasts received has been from the external world passing judgment, men (and females) groping, clawing, and lusting after them, while society applied the scarlet letter of shame.

My breasts had been the victim, not my enemy.  For the first time, I experienced my breasts as a part of me, and I cried uncontrollably.  Holding my breasts, I wanted to apologize for ever hating them and sending the negativity to them.

I’m now a single mom, 43 pounds lighter, and infinitely happier.  I’m a few months away from turning 40.

While laying in bed one night, I noticed a woman on my laptop’s screen.  I thought, “Wow, those breasts look good.”  I then realized the screen was dark due to the screen saver, and the breasts I saw were mine.  I looked good laying down — with my breasts to the sides as real breasts are wont to do.

It was at that moment that I knew without a doubt that I will never have breast reduction.  After years of wanting them gone, I cannot imagine having them cut now.  Knowing that the surgeon will cut every nerve around the nipple-areola complex which is wired directly to the clitoris and remove a huge triangle of nerve-rich skin from the underside of the breast, simply hurts my heart — not to mention what it might do to my orgasms.  After making peace with my breasts and experiencing such wonderful sensations and orgasms directly because of them, I can’t fathom not having them exactly as they are.

My breasts will never grace a magazine’s centerfold, and they’d never withstand the scrutiny of men accustomed to ogling implants and the perfect breasts of 20-somethings in skin mags or porn.  I’ll never look good bra-less, and swimsuits will always be my arch-nemesis.  I can live with that.  And however society chooses to judge my old, not-perfect breasts is society’s waste of time and energy.  I have other things to do than worry about what other people think — which I can’t control anyway.

My breasts will never be perfect.  But they will always be mine.  And I love my breasts.

trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s Daily O.J.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


DailyOJ 01-20-12: Female Ejaculation Discussed Further


January 20, 2012

The key to Female Ejaculation — the wet orgasm — depends on your lady and where her spot(s) are, how they respond to stimulation, and even where they move to during arousal.  Most women who ejaculate do so from direct stimulation of the female prostate.

As the giver, use your fingers and curl them up in the “come hither” position.  Anchor your fingertips against the inside of the pubic bone (on the prostate), and move the prostate itself — not circles ON the prostate, you’re actually moving the prostate against the pubic bone.  Also, hold your other hand on the mons veneris and lower abs just at the pubic bone.  (Remember, the lower abs are responsible for delicious coregasms!) This way you’re stimulating the full prostate region from inside as well as the outside.  As above, so below.

Also, near orgasm — for the wetter variety — the woman needs to push out like she’s going to the bathroom, not pull up and in.  And don’t press so much on the prostate at that point.

You can also tap the opening of the urethra — the U-Spot — for extra sensation — it is encircled by erectile tissue, just like that at the top of the penis.  There is also a small “spot” of erogenous tissue just above the urethral opening and below the clit.  Tap or stroke this as well for more incredible sensations.

I hope I will have more to report on my adventures with female ejaculation.  And in case I didn’t mention it earlier, here’s one last “tip” on female ejaculation. Since most of the female prostate tissue is toward the opening of the vagina, you may not want a penis or large toy inserted fully.

Fingers might be best, but if doing penile / toy penetration, then use just the head.  Or use a G-Spot toy specifically designed for female prostate stimulation.  The width of the penis or a large toy during full insertion can “choke” off the prostate’s fluid, which hinders the water flow or waterfall / geyser effect you’re going for.  That doesn’t necessarily affect the orgasm fabulousness itself, just the amount of “rainfall”.

Just follow these tips to get a great weather prediction: “High ‘precipitation’ with a chance of orgasm!”

Aroused and wet,
trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read The DailyOJ.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 3,127 other followers