reclaiming sexuality

Take #ArousedWoman’s Orgasm Questionnaire!

Hey, everybody!

As I look ahead to my online orgasm training workshop, I am conducting an Orgasm Questionnaire and would love to have as many readers participate as possible!

This questionnaire should take about 30 minutes to fill out, and there are no wrong answers. It’s also pretty nosy, so brace yourself!

Filling out this questionnaire in NO WAY obligates you to participate in the workshop. But the questions are geared to those who would be interested in taking my online orgasm workshop this summer.

No part of the questionnaire will be published without your express permission. However, some of the responses may be used ANONYMOUSLY in a post here on ArousedWomanBlog.com, based on the statistical information that may be of use to my readers.

NOTE: Some of these responses are required, so look carefully at each question. (I hope you’ll answer each one!)

I appreciate you taking this Orgasm Questionnaire so I can better understand my readers’ sex lives and orgasm habits.

Thanks!

trish

ArousedWoman’s Orgasm Questionnaire:
© 2013 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.

ANSWER EVERY QUESTION EVEN IF IT ISN’T FOR YOUR GENDER, or if it DOESN’T APPLY just put N/A. The form will NOT submit if a question is not answered (blame WordPress).

Name(required)

Email(required)

Age(required)

Would you like to be added to the ArousedWoman newsletter?

Have you taken orgasm training before?

What is your definition of orgasm, and why would you want to participate?(required)

Are you currently under the care of a doctor for any reason, pregnant, or on regular meds?(required)

Do you have any health issues involving the lungs, heart, vascular system such as hypertension/ high blood pressure, Diabetes, back issues, joint issues such as shoulder, hips/sciatica, wrists/ carpal tunnel, knees/ACL, neck, thyroid, UTI/urination, cancer, or any other issue?(required)

If you are over 40, have you experienced a loss of libido lasting longer than a few weeks?

WOMEN: Have you had any medical issues with your vagina, cervix, uterus, ovaries, or breasts? Are you prone to yeast infections or irregular nipple hair?(required)

MEN: Have you had any medical issues with your penis, testicles, or prostate? Experienced erectile dysfunction?(required)

Do you drink alcohol, caffeine, smoke, or use drugs (even pot)?

Have you ever or do you now struggle with obesity (being more than 40 pounds over your “ideal weight”)?

What is your current level of physical activity:(required)

What type of exercise do you do? Sex, cardio, resistance training, swimming, walking, running, yoga, Pilates, dance, martial arts, other?

Have you ever experienced sexual or physical trauma? If so, please explain?

Are you currently in a committed relationship or have a regular sex partner?

If so, would your partner be participating in the orgasm training with you?

If your partner is not participating, will you tell your partner that you are doing the orgasm training?

Do you feel free to be your full sexual self with your partner?

How often to do you have partnered sex?

If it’s been a while since you had sex, was sex with your last partner fulfilling?

When do you have sex? Before bed only? Always in the morning? Scheduled? Spontaneously?

What kind of sex do you have?

Do you masturbate?

Where do you masturbate? With/In front of your partner? In the shower? In the woods? Etc.

Are your orgasms better with your partner or by yourself?

What kinds of orgasms do you experience?(required)

Why are you looking to learn about the orgasmic process?(required)

What do you think is lacking in your current orgasmic experience?(required)

Are your orgasms localized to your genitals?

When you orgasm, do you feel energy up/down your arms or legs?

When you orgasm, do you feel energy/warmth in your torso?

When you orgasm, do you feel full-body waves that rock your whole body?

When you orgasm, do you crunch forward or arch backward?

Are you currently multi-orgasmic?

What is your definition of multiple orgasms?

How do you feel after your orgasm(s)?

WOMEN: What kind of stimulation do you usually do?

MEN: What kind of stimulation do you usually do?

WOMEN: Do you ejaculate?

WOMEN: What technique do you use to cause ejaculation?

MEN: Do you control ejaculation to prolong erection/pleasure?

MEN: What technique do you use to prolong/prevent ejaculation?

Do you ever use sex toys?

What kind(s) of toy(s) do you use?

WOMEN: Do you use a curved sex toy to stimulate the female prostate (erroneously called the G-Spot)?

MEN: Do you use a sex toy to stimulate the male prostate?

Do you use a vibrator?

How often do you use a sex toy?

When masturbating, do you do foreplay on yourself before stimulating your genitals? If so, where, what, and how?

Do you have a routine for your masturbation? Certain music, ambiance, place/space?

What is the usual reason for you to masturbate?

Have you studied energy work? Tantra, Kundalini, Reiki, Tai Chi, etc.?

SHORT ANSWER: At a restaurant, you give the server your order, but when your food arrives, it is wrong. What do you do?(required)

SHORT ANSWER: You’re late for an important job interview. On the way, your car breaks down, and you catch the bus. The nearest the bus can get you is 20 blocks from your office. But you’re already 10 minutes late for the interview. What do you do?(required)

Do you prefer going to sleep or waking up? Why?(required)

Do you live your life with more questions than answers or more answers than questions?(required)

Are you happy?(required)

May 24, 2013 | Categories: awakening, blended orgasm, cervical orgasm, clit, clitoral orgasm, cosmic orgasm, erection, female orgasm, female prostate, full body waves, libido, male orgasm, male perspective, meditation, men, orgasm, penis, reclaiming sexuality, sex education, sex toy, techniques, training, women's sexuality | Tags: love, masturbation, orgasm, questionnaire, quiz, relationship, sex, sex education, SexEd, sexuality, training, workshop | Leave A Comment »

OpEd: The Activist’s Guide to Putting Aside Our Differences to Fight for Our Differences

A while back, a friend made the comment that she had seen my Facebook status, and it made her think about that particular issue I’d brought up, saying, “You have so many causes, I can’t keep up.”

Wrong. I have ONE cause — Human Rights. All other rights issues stem from this central trunk of the rights and issues’ family tree. Women’s rights, LGBT, genital integrity, workers’ rights, children’s rights, and more — ALL are branches of the primary concept that roots us in our basic right to self-determination, autonomy, and our humanity.

Today provided a perfect example of how different experiences color our activism. Usually, this is a good thing, but occasionally, our pain from our own experiences clouds our words, resulting in our message devolving into a war of emotion. It becomes a contest of “my pain is greater than your pain” — a competition no one wins.

My morning started with me checking my Facebook and Twitter while I made breakfast as I hurried my daughter to get up, get ready for school, and catch the bus.

I try not to spend all day on Twitter, but tomorrow’s Full Moon seems to have kicked up people’s crazy cycles a day early.

First, on Facebook, I responded to a friend’s comment about his neighbors’ loud sex last night. As the conversation progressed to sex positions (okay, I brought it up), I mentioned that the reason the original missionary position is the only position ever condoned by the Catholic church was because it provides the least pleasure for the woman. It puts the man in the superior, stronger, aggressive position while the woman is inferior, at the mercy of the man, and passive and submissive. Another chick chimed in saying some women “love to be ‘conquered.’” As a woman who has spent most of my life fighting NOT to be conquered by men, I disagreed, but I did not linger since I had to get some real work done.

I spent a couple hours working my day-job (Thursdays are a day-off for me), and what followed was an entire day on social media in one activist role or another. And I have preserved some of those exchanges in the photo gallery below. (To view them at full size, click the box on the lower right of your screen.)

The second round of today’s activism started out simple enough — me talking about orgasms, specifically, mine, and how I cry when I orgasm. I followed that with a comment that men crying during orgasm is perfectly natural. Twitter being a public forum, a random guy jumped in the convo with a rude comment ridiculing how it would look with a “he man blowing his load and crying.” This began a series of tweets back and forth as I tried to explain that a man crying during orgasm is perfectly natural. After all, men are human beings, and human beings have feelings.

Apparently, men are still not allowed to be full human beings in our society.

The third and most exasperating exchange occurred with a man who, it turns out, is also an activist — an intactivist, to be precise. An intactivist is someone who fights for ending all circumcision — on males and females — because genital mutilation is a human rights violation of a child’s bodily autonomy and is sexual assault on the child. This guy had tweeted the following comment:

“The sexual urges of women in our society are more important than the pain of a baby boy.”

After a morning of hearing that some women want to be conquered, men who cry are not masculine, and a few other ridiculous notions that are proof positive our society is still sexually repressed and almost entirely mentally unbalanced, I could not sit by and let this tweet go without standing up for women’s right to be sexual and not be shamed for it. Did I do it the right way? Could I have handled myself better? Should I have called him a moron so many times? Maybe. Maybe not.

The thought I had toward the end of this Twitter war (that lasted over a couple hours) is that this guy is reacting and projecting because of his own pain with his circumcision. Just as I possibly was too harsh in earlier altercations today.

Hearing a woman wants to be conquered made me think back to when I was molested as a kid, my rape when I was 21, and my Steubenville-esque experience. Talking about the horribly unsatisfactory missionary position brought to mind my own status as one of the 70% of women who has never orgasmed during sex — a statistic for which I still feel shame for myself and anger at my partners for not caring enough about me to ensure I had pleasure, too. It reignited my distaste for the porn industry that created a caricature of women as hyper-orgasmic nymphomaniac slut-bunnies — as opposed to erotica that presents sex and sexuality in a beautiful, honorable way.

I was reminded yet again of the hundreds of thousands — if not millions — of women who have been raped, tortured, killed outright, and burned at the stake by the Christian church who has feared women’s sexual power since Peter stole the church’s high seat from Mary Magdalene. As a pagan witch doing research for my stage writings, I spent years reading witch trial transcripts, scouring historical documents of witch hunters, Inquisitors, and missionaries in Europe and in colonial America who were obsessed with exorcising the natural sexuality of women. This does not include the women who were beaten, raped, and killed for wanting the right to vote, or the right to fight alongside men in the modern military. Too many thoughts and memories swarmed in my mind.

Hearing that a man can’t cry when he experiences pleasure infuriated me because so much of our patriarchal, imperial, testosterone-driven culture still carries the gender-role prejudices of religion and hierarchical misogyny and misandry that does a disservice to women and men.

Today’s activism was about shame. And pain. And how, even when we mean well, speaking up for one issue cannot happen at the expense of demeaning other people who are probably also in pain. After all, the oppressive culture that says mutilating a child’s genitals is okay is the same repressive culture that says a woman is to blame for her rape because of how she was dressed, or two people cannot love each other because they’re the same gender.

I’ve been a grassroots activist for 27 years, and I’ve seen in-fighting in every single rights group I’ve ever worked with — religious rights, American Indian rights, LGBT rights, women’s rights. Who’s a real witch? Who’s a real Indian? Bisexuals aren’t really discriminated against. Women don’t need full body autonomy or equal pay. Conservative Democrats aren’t real Democrats. And it’s all bullshit.

My motto has always been, “Human Rights are non-negotiable.”

I love that there are so many of us, each working in a niche that is important to us. Yet, that does not mean one corner of activism outweighs another. We can’t all work for all causes at all times. We have to split up into different groups to cover all the bases. Remember that equality does not mean we are the same, but rather, though we may be different, we are of the same value as human beings. Our human rights family tree is rooted in and celebrates our differences, with roots deep in the soil of our humanity, echoing the ancient axiom, “As above, so below.”

However, if you only care about one group who is hurt or exploited and not another, then you’re not working for rights issues, you’re a special interest asshat who is no better than the elitist oppressors who mock human rights activism while making fortunes off the masses’ suffering.

So I may not know the full extent of pain that another person has experienced, just as they won’t know the full extent of mine. But we can try to listen better. We can forgo the pain-game and stick to the work at hand. Don’t allow the oppressors’ need to stuff us into boxes and categories or divide us into opposing sides hinder our work of coming together and doing the work.

We are better than that. Do the work. Be the Change.

We Are All Connected.

trish

: Women <3 2B "conquered"…

: Men shouldn’t cry…

: Women vs Men, Part 1

: Women vs. Men, Part 2

: Women vs. Men, Part 3

Further Reading:

May 23, 2013 | Categories: #WarOnWomen, activism, bisexual, body image, circumcision, comments, communication, equality, FGM, journey, male perspective, men, misogyny, MyTweets, OpEd, patriarchal religion, reclaiming sexuality, relationship, religious oppression, sex positions, sexuality, women's rights, women's sexuality | Tags: activism, American Indian, bisexual, body autonomy, Constitution, female orgasm, First Amendment, genital integrity, i2, intactivism, issues, LGBT, liberal, orgasm, pagan, pro-choice, progressive, reproductive rights, rights, sex, sexuality, WarOnWomen, witch, women's rights | 4 Comments »

NEWS: Obama “Comfortable” With FDA Disregarding Judge’s Ruling on Plan B

Apparently, our centrist president doesn’t want to rock the boat with a minor victory for women and girls at stake.

I wrote about the April verdict by Judge Korman in which Plan B would be required to be available on store shelves without a prescription or an I.D. check within 30 days of the ruling. The FDA made their own announcement that it would be available to girls over the age of 15 with proof of age (an I.D. check), then the Justice Department decided to stick its misogynist nose into the fray just to complicate matters.

After a push by the Obama administration, the FDA relented slightly, saying emergency contraception, a.k.a. the morning after pill, would be available on the store shelves, without a prescription, but only for females aged 15 and over (still requiring that I.D. check). President Obama said he was “comfortable” with that.

Which, I guess, is all that matters — that a a man can be “comfortable” with a male-dominated government deciding when and how women and girls can have rights to their bodies.

He also used the phrase “scientific evidence” a couple of times when referring to why Plan B should be available to teenage girls without a doc’s script in an obvious play to knock out the religious objections to having the emergency birth control on the open shelves to be seen by god and everybody…. Why, hell’s, bells, Scarlet! Look up that Jesus quote about birth control being evil…. oh wait…. Jesus never mentioned birth control, did he? …. Hmmmmm….

Obama — I voted for you twice, so don’t allow this kind of bullshit to taint my opinion of your otherwise strong stance for women’s rights.

I’m sure there will be more to update on this story as the misogyny continues.

trish

May 7, 2013 | Categories: #WarOnWomen, activism, alternative health, birth control, government, men, misogyny, NEWS, patriarchal religion, planned parenthood, politics, pro-choice, reclaiming sexuality, reproductive rights, women's health, women's sexuality | Tags: birth control, emergency contraception, FDA, judge, Justice Department, morning after pill, Obama, Plan B, ruling | Leave A Comment »

OpEd: Thank YOU, My Wonderful Friends!

“First I was afraid, I was petrified”…. Gloria Gaynor sings in my ear as I think over the past few days since I wrote the first post of this blog, “A Life Lived in Fear Is a Life Half-Lived.”

I knew I’d lose some followers and “friends,” and I have, but I have gained more — both in number and in reassurance, acceptance, and a similar experience of relating that has happened often on my “secret blog” for the past year. When I post my very personal articles on my own journey, people tell me how grateful they are that someone has expressed what they themselves have gone through, felt, or been confused by. They tell me on Twitter or leave a comment on my blog. I am always grateful that someone took the time to share their feelings with me in their comments.

Sharing my journey of (still) overcoming sexual abuse, a miserable marriage, and speaking out on women’s sexual health rights and issues, I was scared of losing people I care about — especially theatre people — whom I have loved for years. I should have known better. Theatre people are the AMAZINGEST people in the world. We understand and appreciate differences. We understand hardship and rejection better than most.

THANK YOU, my wonderful THEATRE FAMILY! And to those of you who have followed my AW Blog and been so supportive, I THANK YOU as well! MWAH xoxo

trish

May 7, 2013 | Categories: awakening, journey, OpEd, reclaiming sexuality, women's sexuality | Tags: ballroom, recovery, sexual abuse, strictly, survivor, theatre, women's sexual health | Leave A Comment »

OpEd: “A Life Lived in Fear Is a Life Half-Lived”

An open letter to all my friends who never knew about my secret life this past year.

04-16-2013

If you know me, you know I cover New York’s Broadway theatre for a living, doing write-ups for shows, reviewing shows and cast albums, and hosting my own radio show, Musical Theatre Talk, on which I chat with Tony Award winners, Bway designers, and composers — I’ve even covered the Tonys! I do all this from Mississippi…. Yes, Mississippi…. How?…. I’m damn good at what I do…. (And I occasionally fly to New York.)

But there are other things you may not know about me….

In 1994, I discovered a quirky independent Australian film entitled Strictly Ballroom. Almost 20 years later, Strictly Ballroom remains in my list of Top 10 Best Films of all time.

The basic tenet of the film is a quote, supposedly of Spanish Romani origin, that goes, “A life lived in fear is a life half-lived.” I have taken this quote and sentiment as the “theme” for 2013 as well as for my updated website, and my continued activism on my “secret” blog that I sort of kept from my “respectable friends” because it deals with subject matters too indelicate for polite company.

For the past year, since starting my “secret” blog, I have lived in fear of what others would think — that they would shun me, rumors would start, and I would be all alone in the big, scary world.

What the FUCK was I thinking?!

Of course, I’ll be shunned. Of course, people will talk. THIS has been the one constant in my life — being the black sheep of the family, having family and so-called friends disown me for being truthful to myself and living that truth in the open, standing up for what I believe in, speaking out for other people’s rights as well as my own. Why the hell would I be surprised for people to abandon me now?!

The fear began at age 9 when I was molested by a neighbor, a teenage girl down the street. She knew how to get me to keep silent — she threatened to tell my mother. My mother was an evil bitch, a Catholic zealot, dependent victim, and recreational martyr. I wasn’t sure what was being done to me, but somehow, my mother was bound to twist it to being my fault. That threat — that fear of being shunned by those who were supposed to love me — had lived with me for years, well into adulthood.

At 21, I was raped. (No, Republicans, it was not your definition of “legitimate rape.” It was just date-rape, just me being violated in my home by someone I knew well, which I know doesn’t really count to you as “rape-rape” even though 80% of reported rapes are committed by someone the victim knows, not the stereotypical boogey-man.) Again, I lived in fear of others finding out, of being shunned and ridiculed by those who were supposed to love me, so I didn’t tell anyone — not one person, not even the police.

Since I was 13, I’ve spoken out on many things in regards to human rights and civil rights — sometimes in regard to how it applied to me as a woman, a bisexual, a heathen pagan. Mostly, however, I’ve fought for human rights on the macrocosmic scale — I’ve fought for the principal of the basic right of <__insert human rights issue here__>.

This time last year, something happened within me, and I could no longer keep all of this inside. I created my “secret” website and blog that I absolutely love writing. Yet, I lived in fear that if my family found out, I would lose the last of my family who still talk to me… and worse yet, my activism for women’s rights, women’s body autonomy, women’s sexual health, and my own personal journey in healing from sexual abuse would be used against me by my soon-to-be ex-husband to take my child away from me…. I repeat… I’m in Mississippi… not New York….

A few days ago, while looking ahead to running for public office and knowing my “secret” blog would become public knowledge, I began to update my personal website. For some reason, the quote from Strictly Ballroom resounded in my head: “A life lived in fear is a life half-lived.”

As happy as I am in my life as a single mom, a writer, an activist, a dreamer, I still lived in fear — which meant my life was not really my own. My fear still controlled me.

I knew then that I will no longer live in fear of losing people from my life. People who shun me for being an open, honest, and unapologetic loudmouth activist are missing out on one hell of a person in their lives. Their shunning says more about them than me. In fact, today on Twitter, I saw this quote in someone’s bio: “If you judge me, you don’t define me. You define yourself.”

So, here goes…. I’m coming out of the blogger and activist closet to let everyone know about my site and blog, ArousedWoman.com. (Begin shunning now….)

“Arouse” means “to stir to action, to awaken.” To me, this perfectly summed up my activism and the awakening I was experiencing on so many levels. A year of secret blogging later, I am proud to say I have a small following of readers — okay, they’re a fabulous fan-base whom I love dearly.

Here’s some more shun-worthy information:

I have never orgasmed during sex… but then 70% of women have never orgasmed during penetrative sex. I thought the problem was me. Turns out, not all of it was my fault. Some of it was the guys’ fault (okay, a lot of it has been the fault of the men in my life). A lot of it was the fault of the sexual abuse I suffered as a child and as an adult, and much to my surprise, a great deal of my issues with sex have come from the sexual harassment I’ve suffered since I suddenly developed breasts one night when I was 10. Therefore, I have written about my abuse as a kid as well as my date rape experience. I’ve written about my lifelong hatred of my breasts, as well as my fear of intimacy. I even wrote about my own Steubenville-esque experience that I was still carrying shame over.

No longer.

I’m glad to say I am a multi-orgasmic woman — enjoying spontaneous O’s even! I have documented this journey in my DailyOJ posts. I am happier than I’ve ever been in that department… so much so that I now help others — men and women — with their sexual journey and sexual healing by answering their questions in my AskTrish posts and on Twitter. I love reading the comments by my readers on my blog and Twitter — they seem to like my OpEd pieces especially:

OpEd: How I Like My Sex… Bare…
OpEd: The Face of Orgasm: Is Your Woman Faking Orgasms or Not? (’cause really, most men are kinda clueless)
OpEd: Fucking Cherokee Men (and Other People of Color)

I also review products including sex toys, books, lube, and music.

Still reading all this?…

AND I post erotic pictures on my AW Tumblr…. (no, not of me…. yet….)

AND I’m planning on hosting sexual wellness workshops….

AND I’m preparing an orgasm training workshop….

AND I’ve published a sample chapter of erotica on Amazon.com Kindle, that’s FREE for Prime members. (Tempted? Go ahead, you know you want to check it out…. I’ll wait right here for you to return…)

Oh…. you’re back? Great… Where was I…….

And is now a good time to mention I had to have a medical abortion in 1997?…. No?…. Oh…. Well, then, I guess I’ll save my tale of spending 20 minutes on the kitchen floor in such horrendously painful, incapacitating contortions I could not crawl across the floor to reach the phone to call 9-1-1… (twice)… for another time.

Still reading? Wow.

And I hate religion…. I am a very spiritual person, but religion is little more than man-made rules set by a core group of wealthy, powerful elitist men who suppress the masses into subjugation and adoration through machinations of fear and guilt — and who usually HATE WOMEN…. I don’t dislike the followers of religion necessarily — I like the UU’s, and I’ve never met a Methodist I didn’t like.

AND I am the Queen of Musical Theatre…. Seriously.

Now you know. My secrets are out. I no longer have any fear. My life is a life fully lived and living!

Judge me. You will be defining yourself, not me.

trish

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LOVE THIS? NOT SO MUCH? Leave a comment below! And feel free to share on social networks.

May 7, 2013 | Categories: #WarOnWomen, #WhereAreTheWomen, 2012 elections, activism, awakening, misogyny, OpEd, reclaiming sexuality, religious oppression, reproductive rights, sex education, sexual abuse, sexual health, sexuality, spirit, women's rights, women's sexuality | Tags: awakening, equality, friends, friendship, Kundalini, love, marriage, pro-choice, prochoice, recovery, reproductive rights, sexual abuse, survivor, Tantra, yoga | Leave A Comment »

NEWS: International Women’s Day 2013

While I spent part of the day not engaging Twitter trolls who think women’s rights is an imaginary complaint of uppity feminists, I wanted to see what you think about being a woman, or for the men, what you like so much about the woman in your life.

Ladies, what keeps you going in spite of the struggles you face in society, in religion, in the media, the workplace? What are the best aspects of being a woman?

Guys, what keeps you interested in women (even though we drive you crazy)? What is it about a woman that ignites a spark in you?

What is it about Woman that inspires you? Please leave a comment, detailing what you love about being a woman or love about women!

trish

March 8, 2013 | Categories: activism, communication, male perspective, matriarchal, men, NEWS, reclaiming sexuality, relationship, reproductive rights, women's health, women's rights, women's sexuality | Tags: international women's day, love, men and women, relationships, sexuality, women's issues, women's rights | 1 Comment »

Health & Nutrition: The Primal/Paleo Diet vs. Vegetarian/Vegan

So I have been investigating the vegetarian lifestyle, briefly looking in on the vegan ideals and deciding I will definitely not be vegan at this point in my life. Just because a person is vegetarian doesn’t mean he or she is healthy — some vegetarians are actually carb-atarians, overweight, with the same vascular and insulin problems as the rest of America.

I eat organic, free-range, grass-fed, no-homones, no-antiobitics, non-GMO food as much as I can. I’ve looked into the differences in protein sources, accessibility of vitamins and minerals, balances of Omega-3 and Omega-6 ratios, etc. Depending on what path you want to follow, you can find solid reasoning to go either animal or plant-based in your diet. But I’m not after a “diet,” I want nutrition — fuel and nutrients for my body to keep me healthy and kicking for at least another 45 years.

I have to say that I don’t enjoy eating food. Frankly, eating meals annoys me. I have other things to do with my time — mainly because I’m the preparer and the dishwasher around here. Forty minutes to cook and 20 minutes to clean up simply do not make the 5 to 10 minutes of eating worthwhile to me. Even mindful eating can get annoying… I’d rather be working.

While I can appreciate the ethical arguments against eating meat, I, personally, do not see a problem eating an animal that is humanely raised and butchered. After all, when I die, I will be placed in the ground, un-embalmed, with a tree planted on top of my rotting corpse — the tree is to provide shelter for animals, shade for anyone on a hot day, and of course oxygen for breathing.

To those who say there is a spiritual reason for not eating meat, other cultures offer equally justifiable reasons for eating meat, i.e., buffalo, salmon, deer, etc. However, I’ve also been told and have read that eating meat grounds a person, making astral travel, psychic dreams, clairvoyent/clairaudient experiences more difficult to near impossible.

For myself, as an Energist, I know that there is energy transference from the food we eat to our bodies. Animals inhumanely raised and slaughtered have a bad energy that affects our health — just look at Americans — we are not healthy people. But eating grass-fed, free-range animals like in the old days must have a different effect on our energy bodies, yes? Before livestock, dairy, and soybeans became the mega-money industries they are today, what was it like to truly live off the land? And not eat Franken-foods designed in a lab solely for profit?

I’ve studied The Body Ecology Diet by Donna Gates, and I really like her work. I’ve also delved into the Blood Type Diet, since I’m not a blood type O, and have found some interesting points in that as well. And of course, there’s the Orgasm Diet.

I’ve lost 82 pounds, but I need to kick-start this plateau. I’ve enjoyed this plateau because I knew my body needed a rest. And frankly, at this point, all this information is just confusing. For me, this is not about losing more weight — I want to feed my body the best-sourced nutrients — losing more weight will be an added bonus. All I want is a body that is healthy, fit, mobile, and primed for orgasms!

The past couple of days then, I’ve been researching the Primal and Paleo diets with a bit more earnest. I did fat-free years ago — gained weight. Did Adkins — loathed eating that much meat. Essentially, I have had the undeniable realization that I simply MUST get off sugar and grains. I already don’t eat corn or corn syrups, don’t eat potato chips, popcorn, snacks, etc. I don’t eat anything store-bought in a box or bag other than single ingredients like rice, chocolate chips, romaine, etc. (except pot stickers, which I will have to give up as well… le sigh…).

I currently don’t eat red meat or pork. I still eat eggs, chicken, and turkey — recently calling myself a Turkey-tarian. I’ve started making my own butter and buttermilk and will be making my own yogurt, kefir, cheese, etc., soon.

So I’d like to know what all of you are doing to get healthy, be healthy, lose weight, get/stay strong and in shape. I’m not worried about a number on the scale, per se, but I do want to continue my journey to reclaiming my body. I’ve done a lot of work already to reclaim my body sexually and physically, but now, I am at another “fork” in the road here, and I’m having trouble deciding between going vegetarian or going primal.

Thoughts? Experiences? Ideas? Please leave a comment below!

Thank you!

trish

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March 6, 2013 | Categories: diet, energy field, fish oil, Health, Nutrition, reclaiming sexuality, sexual health | Tags: blood type diet, body ecology diet, donna gates, energy, Health, paleo diet, primal diet, sexual health, vegan, vegetarain, women's health | 2 Comments »

AskTrish: Man Inquires About “the Woman Behind the Blog” & What I Do in My Spare Time

Dear Trish,

That was random I know, but you share so much about your life and experiences that I wondered how you were doing in the areas that you don’t speak about. You have every right to say nothing. I just enjoy getting a better understanding of the woman behind the blog.

What do you like to do in your spare time, when you’re not being a sex guru or a mom? What do you hope to achieve in the next year, 5 years or 10 years? What is something that no matter how upset or angry you are always manages to make you smile or at least smirk? If knowledge is power, when it comes to the content of your Aroused Woman blog, how powerful do you feel?

All hail Queen Vagina!

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

You’re sweet! A few posts back, I announced that I was branching out with ArousedWoman(TM), re-focusing on “Awakening Sexuality Through Mind, Body, & Spirit.” So I’ll be posting lots of new topics and crazy wack-a-doo posts that I feel are relevant to my growth and that I hope are interesting to my readers.

As you can see from my “random post” on astral travel, that experience had a profound effect on me — not just my perception of what’s on the Other Side, but experiencing what actually is and is NOT on the Other Side confirmed for me many “beliefs” in regard to humanity, religion, society, etc. My beliefs-turned-knowledge affect me sexually (i.e., there’s no hell and certainly no “sin” as classified by controlling religious dogma), the experience of pure love (I know what I’m looking for when it comes to love, I won’t settle for anything less, and love has to be felt — it can’t be intellectualized or rationalized, i.e., If I love him enough, he’ll change, so I’ll love him really hard and work to change him into the person I want him to be.), and other concepts I’m still integrating even after the 9 or 10 years since the experience.

Which brings me to my “spare time”… Just yesterday, in fact, my daughter asked me, “Just what do you do during the day?” And I had to tell her the truth. Not much. I’m a Libra, a mind-candy person. I’m a creator. It’s difficult for me to actually finish anything because once it’s complete, it’s over — I can’t mind-candy it anymore. But my creative works have to be completed if I’m gonna earn a paycheck and feed my child.

I spend most of my time reading, learning, experimenting, walking, cooking, cleaning, washing dishes, meditating, pondering, writing, tweeting, doing laundry, working, walking, composing music, looking at the trees, studying leaves, watching squirrels and birds interact, more reading, more research, more questing, listening to the wind, being witchy, brewing concoctions, making cool witchy stuff, doing web design for new clients, creating different workshops, textile design, writing, writing, writing, tweeting…

I don’t have “spare time” in that I do what I love for a living (theatre), and I’m currently working on 2 new training certifications, after which, I’ll go for 2 more. (I’m already certified in yoga and Pilates.) Because I do what I love, I don’t earn a lot of money — I live simply and have found that to be rather wonderful. I go to bed every night thoroughly happy with my life. I wish there were more time in the day, but I know I used the time I had to enrich my life, provide for my daughter, and enjoy being in this meat-suit while being amazed at the beauty that is around me.

It can be surreal sometimes. I’ve had people say, “Wow, you lucked out writing for a living.” No, I was in the performing arts for 36 years, I’m an award-winning composer, I hosted a radio show that had 27,000 listeners worldwide (that I put on hold to start ArousedWoman and fight the idiocy of the GOP during the 2012 POTUS election), and I have something to say. I created my “luck” by working my ass off and paying my “dues.” I earned my right to write for a living.

Currently, I’m creating an online course on Musical Theatre training topics, I’m starting a new project (a magazine), and I will get back to my theatre radio show soon. I’m also going to teach some health workshops in my local area to help supplement my income. I’m also working on the ArousedWoman cookbook, and I’m creating my orgasm training method (which will be in beta testing soon for anyone who wants to contact me to participate in it).

I’m still trying to get the AW Forum going and still raising money for ArousedWoman Radio, to interview guests and answer people’s question in real time. But that is slow-going. It will happen in its own time, I guess.

Most of my time is spent on personal growth, getting healthy, and growing my experiences sexually, sensually, tantrically. I want to be a complete human, not a shell of a human in the rat race of society, as so many people are. I want to help others get out of that kind of life — to help them make a better life for themselves, get healthier, find some kind of peace in this crazy world — to see that happiness in self and happiness in life are connected. I want to help people overcome their PTSD with sexual trauma. I want to help others see beyond the hypocrisy of religion, politics, and government — that all that bullshit doesn’t really matter — and if it does matter to you, then don’t just complain, actually get off your ass and do something about it.

I want to help people get off the lie that is the insensitive Western medical system which is being undermined by the pharmacological industry. I want to inspire others to get back to the “beauty way,” back to Mother Earth because the livestock and dairy industries are killing our planet and our bodies. We are not separate from the earth — the earth isn’t just the thing under the sidewalks and asphalt — the earth is our food, our air, our water, our home, our reason for incarnating to this physical plane. If the living biosphere of the earth weren’t so important to us, we would have incarnated on Mars or somewhere else. Duh.

I want people to take back their power to heal themselves without fear of criminalization from the oppressive forces in control of our society.

I want women to take back our rightful place as healers, warriors, judges, peacemakers — as we were before patriarchal misogyny made women property, whores, and household slaves.

Where do I want to be in 5 years? Hopefully, I will have finished my Bachelor’s degree in Transpersonal Psychology from Sofia University and will be nearly finished with my Master’s in Women’s Spirituality. After that, I may take 2 years to study Sanskrit at St. John’s University in Arizona. And of course, 6 years from now, I hope to have completed my work to be an official teacher of Tantra. Essentially, I want to be able to keep a roof over my head while helping others.

I used to think this life was too long. In the past century, we have tripled our life expectancy. Why? Wasn’t 35 years of war, struggle, famine, disease, and natural disasters enough? Now, we have to endure this for 72, or 85, or 105 years?! Now, I see that even that long is not enough. This is a great time to be in a meat-suit on the physical plane. It is a truly wondrous time of change, and we’re a part of it. The past century — this past year! — has seen the rise of women and the awareness of human rights that is 2,000 years overdue.

I just want to do my part to “Be the change.” In my own particular brand of “random,” witchy, artistic, holistic, bohemian, awakening, loudmouth IrishLava. But understand, we really can’t change other people; we can only change ourselves and be the example of change we hope to inspire in others.

trish

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March 5, 2013 | Categories: 2012 elections, activism, AskTrish, awakening, communication, equality, female orgasm, government, healthcare, journey, medical system, meditation, misogyny, patriarchal religion, politics, reclaiming sexuality, religious oppression, reproductive rights, sex education, sexual abuse, sexual health, sexuality, shamanic, spiritual, stress, Tantra, techniques, women's circles, women's health, women's rights, women's sexuality, yoga | Tags: activism, awakening, government, Kundalini, oppression, pilates, politics, religion, rising up, sexual health, Tantra, women's sexuality, yoga | 1 Comment »

AskTrish: Woman Who Got STD From Cheating Partner Wants to Find Love

Dear Trish,

I don’t even know why I am writing to you, you just seem to give sound understanding advice. I am a sexual woman, but have only been with one man my entire life, and a couple years ago he had an affair/cheated. Not only did he break my heart, but gave me a life long STD (no not HIV), the other. Ever since, I am scared that I’m broken/ damaged goods. How could any man be able to look past what I have and have a healthy sexual relationship with me without the stigma? The rejection would kill me inside.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I’m so sorry to hear that you were betrayed on several levels. While a committed relationship is not for me personally, I do take loyalty very seriously and hate having my trust violated.

Since you’ve read my blog, I’m going to be blunt. I’m not going to guess what “the other” sexually transmitted disease is that you contracted from him. Is getting a sexually transmitted disease the end of your world? No. Is it a pain in the ass? Has your life changed irrevocably? Yes. Will you find love again? Only if you really want to.

The affair, and I’m assuming the contraction of the STD, was a couple of years ago, but you sound as if you’re still in denial or depression about it. I would highly suggest you reach out to a support group and talk with a counselor about your options for safe sex and long-term care for yourself to support your immune system and keep you healthy otherwise. Note, this counselor or therapist serves a different purpose than your doctor that you may see every few months to get prescriptions. A counselor will be interested in your well-being on a personal level, not just the numbers on your blood panels.

It is understandable if you are still in denial or even anger about the affair, the STD, the “what now?” you have had to deal with. It can be overwhelming. You might consider getting Adina Nack’s book that seems to resonate exactly with your worst fear, Damaged Goods?: Women Living With Incurable Sexually Transmitted Diseases. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross explained the five stages of grief in her famous books, including On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. You’re not dying — well, we all die of something — but the information on the grief process could help you immensely in healing the past so you can move on in your future, and learn to love your self in the present. Damaged Goods may have useful tips on safe-sex as well as groups you could contact.

Once you get into a support group or have access to help via a support system, I think you should ask if there is a dating group there as well. Yes, I said it. Ask them if there is a group they know about (with people who have your same STD) that you can start to hang out with, mingle with, and just get to know as friends so you don’t feel so alone in this. After all, you’re not the first person with an STD who has wanted to find love again! So don’t be afraid to ask them!! Your fear is that another man won’t accept you because of the STD. And I’m sensing you would feel a huge dose of gratefulness or indebtedness for him “overlooking” the disease and accepting you regardless. But if you meet a guy who has the same disease, then that part of the awkwardness is nullified, and now you two can move on to figuring out who picks up the check on the first date.

I’m not trying to sound glib about your situation, but I want you to see that there is hope for you — in body and spirit. Each of us makes choices about how we live each day of our lives. I’m glad to see that you want to live and be happy!

Of course, you should be up front and honest with a potential partner — NEVER leave the info about an STD till “after.” But I feel you have A LOT of healing to do on yourself before you even think about bringing a partner into your life. If you think a partner will give you acceptance, then if that partner leaves, that acceptance goes out the door with them. You have to develop acceptance for yourself from within your self, or any sense of self-worth will last only as long as the relationship. Heal yourself first.

Find a local group, a national hotline, or activist group that helps people with your STD. Be honest with them. Their job is to help you see that life isn’t over once you’ve contracted an STD, just as life isn’t over once a person gets a cancer diagnosis. It’s just a diagnosis. You are in the driver’s seat as to how your life plays out from that moment onward. You are in control. And that can make all the difference in the world for your outlook on the situation, on love, and your life as a whole.

Let me know how it goes. I can’t wait to hear what happens!!

trish

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February 25, 2013 | Categories: AskTrish, communication, connection, healthcare, medical system, reclaiming sexuality, relationship, sex education, sexuality, STD, women's sexuality | Tags: AIDS, cancer, diagnosis, greif, grieving, Herpes, HIV, HPV, On Death and Dying, relationship, sexually transmitted disease, STD, support group | 2 Comments »

NEWS: ArousedWoman Focuses on “Awakening Sexuality in Mind, Body, & Spirit”

If you read my post from the other day, you know ArousedWoman is now 1 year old — and what a year it has been! I did not set out to create what ArousedWoman has become — I just followed my heart to continue my activism for myself personally and “to stir to action” and “awaken” others to the need for activism for women’s rights and other issues collectively. And poof! ArousedWoman is now arousing readers around the world.

As I review everything that’s gone on in 2012, I am re-focusing ArousedWoman for 2013 and beyond. My activism is definitely still here (sorry, men ), but I want to hone in on specifics to awaken people to healthy sexuality and a sex-positive outlook. Sex is not about control, or pain, or staying quiet to keep the peace in a relationship. Our sexual happiness is fundamental to our happiness as human beings, and I don’t think true happiness is possible if we’re playing manipulative games within our sexual relationships.

If you’ve read much of my blog, then you’ll know that I approach sexuality from a Tantric perspective, with leanings toward Kundalini and other ancient wisdom. With so many people trying to find their sexual identity in our 21st century soulless culture, a link to the past is a good grounding for wading through the murky flotsam and getsam of shame, fear, and guilt pervading our Puritanical society.

I think the human body is beautiful. Sex is beautiful. Orgasms are beautiful — and natural — and healthy. With that as my foundation, I am re-focusing ArousedWoman to “Awakening Sexuality in Mind, Body, and Spirit.”

Not just a sex blog, I want to help people on a myriad of levels. Sexual health begins in the mind, but vitality of the body and spirit are just as crucial to being happy sexually, and in turn, happy in your everyday life. And my dear atheist readers, don’t get scared by the word “spirit”! Spirit has nothing to do with religion (religion is an evil pyramid scheme for an elite core of men to gain and maintain their power and wealth). I may throw some good ol’ pagan sex rite stuff in here occasionally, but trust me, religion is NOT on the menu here!

Orgasm is not just a physical phenomenon but more truly an intangible response of the subtle body and the parasympathetic nervous system. I will cover some non-traditional aspects of holistic growth such as exploring dreams, meditation, breathing, stress relief, raising energy, shamanism, Tantric bodywork, bioenergetics, the brain vs. the mind, meat-based diet vs. vegetarianism, nutrition, exercise, and controversial topics such as entheogens and polyamory, to name a few.

Beginning this summer, I will be creating videos that address some of the issues and posting them on my new YouTube page. The videos will cover anatomy, nutrition, exercise, and more topics that I will also cover here in the blog. Why not sooner, you may ask? I need to get a video camera with a mic input. So until I upgrade to an iPhone or shell out some moolah for an actual digicam with a mic input, the videos will be on hold till summer-ish.

And I’m close to announcing the beta test for my orgasm training method, so be sure to sign up for my newsletter for more information on how to apply for that when the time comes.

All in all, I am profoundly grateful for all my new friends I’ve gained in the past year. It really has been amazing! Looking ahead, 2013 is destined to be even better. Stay tuned for exciting developments!

trish

February 17, 2013 | Categories: activism, anatomy, astral dreams, awakening, bioenergetics, breathing, chi, communication, dreams, energy raising, Health, journey, kundalini, meditation, NEWS, primal, reclaiming sexuality, reiki, relaxation, sex education, sexual energy, sexual health, shamanic, soul, spirit, spiritual, Tantra, techniques, ujjayi, vegetarian, women's health, women's rights, women's sexuality | Tags: body, bodywork, chi, energy, Health, Kundalini, mind, nutrition, orgasm, reiki, sex, sexual health, sexuality, shamanism, spirit, stress, Tantra | 2 Comments »

NEWS: ‘ArousedWoman’ Celebrates 1 Year Anniversary

Hey, everybody!

Hard to believe, but yes, ArousedWoman is now 1 year old. *WOO-HOO!!!*

Last year, I had started my activist site and blog, Activists’ Voice — I even started a radio show to go with that blog. However, with the crazy, misogynist landscape of the 2012 POTUS election, I needed to focus the scope of my activism toward women’s rights and women’s sexual autonomy issues. From that, ArousedWoman was born on Valentine’s Day, 2012.

This has been an incredible year. I’ve met some incredible people through my activism with AW, and I’ve come across some real jerks. Numerous people have told me how my blog has helped their own sexual journey, awakened their awareness to certain issues, as well as let them know they are not alone in their healing from abuse.

My DailyOJ has been called “brave” for its tell-all insights into a woman’s psyche and a woman’s experiences with sex, female anatomy, and multiple orgasms, but I’ve also had so-called liberals dismiss my journey as a “jerk-off blog.” (Whatever.) I let my opinion loose in my OpEd articles, and I’m so honored that readers trust me enough to ask my opinion on their own situations that I answer in my AskTrish series.

While I think society-at-large is a collective 4-year-old having a temper tantrum when it comes to sexual issues, I still think there is hope! And I’m looking forward to the year ahead as ArousedWoman’s path becomes clearer for me and how I want to help others. With the new forum and the radio show I hope to start (soon!), I think ArousedWoman’s upcoming year will be fantastic — thanks in large part to all of you!

Stay tuned as I have new AskTrish posts (with questions from women!), some interesting orgasm experiences to note in my DailyOJ, and a few new reviews of books and music as well as my review of my new sex toy (move over, Sparkles!! j/k ).

Namaste! MWAH!

trish

February 15, 2013 | Categories: activism, AskTrish, awakening, communication, connection, DailyOJ, misogyny, NEWS, OpEd, reclaiming sexuality, reproductive rights, women's sexuality | Tags: activism, feminism, News, orgasm, politics, sex, sexuality, women, women's rights | Leave A Comment »

NEWS: High School ‘Class Actor’ Announces He’s #LGBT at Awards Ceremony

Being awarded the title of “Class Actor,” Jacob Randolph accepted the award, announcing that he’s been acting every single day of his life — the part of “straight Jacob” when he is in fact an LGBT teen.

Here’s the video his father took of the ceremony. Jusy listen to the crowd’s response as he finishes:

trish

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January 27, 2013 | Categories: activism, bisexual, equality, LGBT, NEWS, reclaiming sexuality | Leave A Comment »

DailyOJ 01-26-13, Part 2: The Fear of Intimacy

* Read Part 1 *

Today was a great day. So I was a bit surprised by the slight emotional breakdown I just experienced.

It wasn’t caused by my intactivism on Twitter (explaining the horrors of both male circumcision and female genital cutting), or the raucous festivities happening just outside my apartment from the day parade of the local Mardi Gras krewes. I spent some time earlier researching vitamins for healthy skin since I’ve now lost 82 pounds, but my skin is not shrinking as fast as I’d like — apparently, it can take 2 years or more for skin to retract, assuming a woman has good genes, doesn’t have any more children, and bathes in the blood of virgins… (just kidding… not sure about that last part).

I digress…

I think the breakdown may have been triggered by an impromptu conversation in the chat room of the AW Forum on the subject of emotion and sex.

Taking a break from the Twitterverse and looking for something to watch online, I remembered the amazing feelings from this morning, and the generally great feelings I’d had all day. I got a flash — a vision — in my mind’s eye about being with a partner, my Dream Man, as I call him. Not having sex, our clothes were on, in fact. I was just kissing his collarbone. And I suddenly burst into tears.

I had trouble breathing. I could feel the rush of adrenaline’s “fight or flight” rash choice conundrum rushing to the fore. Not prone to panic attacks, I was most concerned with why I was having this freak-out moment. Then I remembered a revelation I’d had when writing my breasts article about having never really known tenderness during sex. During the Twitter intactivism tonight, I had had to explain how friction sex can be painful — how my ex used to complain I got too wet during sex, he couldn’t get friction, so he’d pull out and use the sheet to dry me and him off and come back in to jackhammer away till he ejaculated… The feelings that were now shaking my entire body as I cried and tried to breathe were the realization that I have no idea how to be intimate with a man.

I know about sex, sex spots, erogenous zones, positions, pressure points, hormones, and nerves. I know all about the physical connections, but I have never really made an emotional physical connection to a partner. The fact that emotion scares the hell out of most men doesn’t help the situation.

This past year I’ve been in Yin, and it’s really kicked me in my ass. I made so many realizations about myself last year that I thought (or hoped) I was done. Apparently, the Universe was saving this big whopper for right when I was least prepared to deal with yet another part of me that needs to be worked on.

Sex has never been about me, in my sexual experience. I never understood why people can just spend time kissing (isn’t that boring?) or holding hands (don’t you want me to hold something else?)… I never felt comfortable with just being with a partner. Once the sex got going, then I knew what my role was. Usually, I was the initiator, the aggressor, the one in charge. Men made it clear they were with me because they wanted to know if busty redheads were really as good in bed as they’d heard or seen in porn. They approached me with a certain expectation of what sex with me would be like, and I made sure I exceeded their expectations.

Sex in my marriage was never orgasmic for me, but then I didn’t think my pleasure was important. As a stay-at-home mother, I felt part of my duties was keeping him happy and earning my keep — sex did that while a blow job once a week prevented arguments about the bills. As I grew to detest him and the whole situation, I gained weight on purpose so he wouldn’t want me… just my luck — he liked fat chicks.

Now free, in control of my own life, and repairing my health and my body, I’m left with the remnants of what I’ve put myself through the past 15+ years. I look in the mirror as my body gets smaller, but so many imperfections remain. And so many imperfections dwell inside as well.

With intimacy, there isn’t exactly a projected outcome as there is with sex. The agenda of sex is lots of orgasms that lead to the climactic grande finale orgasm. Intimacy is a goal-less phenomenon, I guess, in which neither partner is in charge or at least, no one’s keeping tally on the orgasm scoreboard. Intimacy is being open emotionally to just being with a person, soft and tender… vulnerable. Without the sex techniques to keep a man enthralled, I really don’t know why a man would want to be with me… or what I have to offer…

This emotional breakdown was another wall coming down, and yet it is another bit of knowledge I will hold myself to when time for entering a relationship. I simply cannot allow myself to go backwards. Being in charge in the sex department is too easy. I need to allow myself to be open and vulnerable… more… yin… and that freaks me out…

Aroused and breaking through,

trish

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January 26, 2013 | Categories: AW Forum, awakening, bedroom, communication, DailyOJ, emotion, journey, kissing, male perspective, mind noise, orgasm, reclaiming sexuality, relationship, sex positions, sexuality, techniques, training, women's sexuality, yin | 4 Comments »

TOD: Your Inner Diva (or Divo)

This is the first post in a new series that I hope will get lots of people commenting and sharing their opinions — Topic o’ the Day, or TOD.

While doin’ my Tumblr thang this morning, I came across a pic of a blonde Autumn Queen photo set, which I reblogged. But it reminded me of my own Autumn Princess/Queen photo set that I took back in November 2001, a couple weeks before I went to Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in South Dakota.

My hair was still long from my get-back-to-my-Irish-pagan-traditions time when I let my hair grow for years without any trimming — pre-natal vitamins back in 1998 had helped with that initially. And I thought it would be a great chance to show my true witchy side with my theatrical self thrown in for good measure — after all, you can take the thespian out of the theatre, but you can’t take the theatre out of the stage ham.

Autumn is my favorite season. Copper is my metal. Orange (and anything red-orange, fiery) is my color. Fire is my element. Lava is my… well… nevermind… The Empress is my soul card. “The Queen of the Night” (from Mozart’s The Magic Flute) was my dream role and fave arias to sing back in the day.

So everything just sort of fit together to create this Empress-inspired Autumn Princess photo set taken in my backyard. I designed and sewed the dress and made the crown from holiday decor bits and pieces. I grabbed one of my (many) brooms and took one of the (real) Scottish claymore swords off the wall in the livingroom. (Medieval weaponry was a hobby of mine. Don’t ever piss me off. )

The resolution quality of the pictures is low (asshole husband didn’t want to use too much space on the camera), but I still love these pictures. I had lost much of my post-partum weight and was looking forward to my trip to South Dakota. Overall, I was happy at this time and feeling very good about myself. And I think it shows.

Hard to believe these were taken 11+ years ago. Maybe I’ll do a new set this year….

So, what does YOUR inner Diva or Divo (for guys) look like? Who are you on the inside that maybe others don’t see? What fabulousness lurks within? Leave a comment below!

trish

January 25, 2013 | Categories: awakening, communication, journey, reclaiming sexuality, TOD | 1 Comment »

NEWS: Nominate ArousedWoman for a Shorty Award!

Y’all know I’m not above shameless self-promotion — I am a theatre person, after all! And I’m not about to get shy and demure over what I’m about to ask of all of you.

There is a phenomenon known as the Shorty Awards, and I would oh-so appreciate you all nominating ArousedWoman in one or more categories.

Why?

Not because I’m an ego monster, but because I need every chance possible to get the word out about ArousedWoman. The more people who know about AW, the more people who can start changing their lives orgasmically, changing their perspective of women, our anatomy, our sexual response, et al. (And awaken to the fact that we are all connected — what affects one of us, affects all of us… hint, hint… activism! )

Via ArousedWoman, I have documented my own personal sexual journey in my DailyOJ posts, my own experience with sexual abuse (and overcoming it!), helped others in the AskTrish articles, covered major stories in my NEWS info, and helped lots of people who ask me questions on Twitter and who have contacted me for consults. And don’t forget my “inspiring” Tumblr page!

The categories are all over the map on topics, but I think the best ones for AW are the following:

Best Future Celebrity — VOTE THIS ONE! VOTE THIS ONE! I think this is a great one! . Right now, the leader only has 195 votes. VOTE! We can WIN! (P.S. I will start making YouTube videos this summer.)
Best Blogger — the leader has 1800+ votes, but I wouldn’t mind making the Top 10, so please VOTE.
Best Activism — the leader has 1400+ votes (and it’s the same guy leading Best blogger… I’m assuming his peeps are voting for him in both categories).

Click here to VOTE!

<=== Click the pic or click here to check out the Shorty Awards, and if you are feeling so inclined, please nominate AW. If AW has helped you, your partner, your sex life (partnered or solo), awakened your own potential and/or your awareness of the world, PLEASE give AW a recommendation with a Shorty Award nomination.

And that’s all there is to it. Painless!

Then you can vote again! Vote in all 4 categories!! Visit the Shorty Awards to vote.

Thank you ALL!

trish

January 24, 2013 | Categories: activism, communication, NEWS, reclaiming sexuality, sex education, techniques, women's rights, women's sexuality | Leave A Comment »

OpEd: Want Me to Talk Dirty? Bite Me.

For some reason the topic of “talking dirty” has come up several times recently. Apparently, men are under the assumption that women want to talk dirty, that we like to talk dirty, that we live for talking dirty in bed.

What the hell?!

Actually, most women do NOT like the “talk dirty” part of sex that men addicted to porn seem to like, or men who still view women under the Maiden/Whore dichotomy — “bad” girls do what “good” girls won’t stereotype.

“Oooo, baby, yeah, fuck me. Fuck my pussy with your big fat cock, ram it in me hard…”

Really?

What does “talking dirty” do for the man? What purpose is it supposed to serve?

I, personally, would NEVER “talk dirty.” “Talking dirty” is a dumbing-down affectation of porn and perpetuates the compartmentalizing of a woman into labels and categories, separating her into disparate personalities — i.e., the good-hearted, nurturing woman who is a mother couldn’t possibly be associated with the multi-orgasmic cougar in bed. What better way to segregate the various aspects of woman than to ask her to say or do something so contrary from her everyday personality or communicative style?

Besides that, “talking dirty” is an insult to my intelligence and my extensive vocabulary as a professional writer and performer of language.

Yes, I call a penis a penis or lingam, and my vulva is my vulva or yoni. I may call a penis a dick, but that is rare; and I say testicles and balls interchangeably. Other than that, my vagina is my vagina, and my clit is my clit. The anus, ass, and perineum are synonymous for both sexes. And my breasts are breasts — NOT ANY OTHER HORRIBLE, DEGRADING TERM that MEN (and implant Barbies) USE FOR BREASTS. BREASTS!!! That’s what they’re called, and that’s what I call them. Calling various parts of my anatomy by other names — particularly “dirty” slang terms — disassociates me from my body, or places my body into parts ( J. Alfred Prufrock style) as mere “things” for someone else’s use and enjoyment, not mine.

On a side note, I will call ejaculate “cum” but having an orgasm is not “cumming” — since ejaculating and having (lots of) orgasms are two completely different functions. And yes, my vaginal fluids ARE the “nectar of the gods,” thank you very much!

As I wrote in my article “Me, My Breasts, and I,” I hated my breasts most of my life because of how men treated them and treated me because of them. My body image was molded through the perspective of others who did not value me as a person or my body as the physical extension of my self. It took a Tantric breast meditation to integrate my breasts to my body and my sense of self, to love my body. But now, to be considered “hot,” I have to “talk dirty”? Fuck that!

Why would I talk “dirty” when there’s nothing dirty about sex or being sexual? As I say on Twitter ALL THE TIME: “The human body is beautiful. Sex is beautiful.”

I’m beginning to think that the concept of “talking dirty” is for the sole purpose of distancing the partners from an emotional connection — to keep the sex as just physical as opposed to an opportunity to experience beautiful, mind-blowing orgasms. Even fuck-buddies can have a great connection beyond the physical orgasm — without the “complications” of the dreaded “relationship.” Even Tantra partners who are not “in love” would never “talk dirty” — that would be so disrespectful, particularly to the woman. The man is beautiful. The woman is beautiful. The experience is beautiful. No ramming or dirty talk required.

If you’re a woman and you actually like to talk dirty, I would love to hear from you — to hear why you like to talk dirty — and don’t say because your male partner likes it — ’cause then you’re doing it for him, not because the want and desire to “talk dirty” emanates naturally from within you.

I can’t “talk dirty” about the body or being sexual because I find them both to be wonderfully beautiful. And I felt that way long before I began studying Tantra.

So bite me.

trish

December 19, 2012 | Categories: anatomy, body image, breasts, clit, communication, fluids, journey, male perspective, OpEd, reclaiming sexuality, superstition, Tantra, vagina, women's sexuality, yoni | 8 Comments »

Anatomy: #TeamUncut Intact Natural Penis Collage for #ForeskinFriday (21+ NSFW)

About a month ago, I put out the call for submissions for uncircumcised men to send in photos of their uncut penis. Sure, I got lots of teasing on Twitter, but I was diligent in my self-prescribed duty to look through lots of penis photos to create the collages below.

The purpose of the collage is to normalize the uncut penis in an effort to end routine circumcision. Men who were circumcised as infants face a number of medical issues from pain in the penis to sexual dysfunction and loss of sensation, not to mention the women who often endure painful friction sex with cut men. These uncut men also suffer social ridicule for looking “different,” or “nasty” or “not normal,” when in fact, the intact penis IS what is normal — the circumcised penis is what is NOT normal.

Circumcision is a barbaric, unnecessary procedure of sexual assault on a child and a gross violation of that child’s basic human right to be left whole, particularly in America where routine circumcision is so prevalent. What’s worse is that adult circumcision has been touted as preventing transmission of AIDS and/or HIV, and that is not true. Circumcision is blatant sexual assault carrying a Bible and wrapped in a flag — to paraphrase Sinclair Lewis’ definition of fascism.

For the collage, the men who submitted pics took photos with their phone or laptop camera. (Maybe in the future, we can do a pro photo shoot — with me supervising! YUM.) There is even a photo of a restored foreskin! Can you tell which one? (Hint: the pic is in Photo #1.)

Below, you can see the wonderful variations in the penises’ shapes in the shaft, head, curvature, and coloration. You will also notice how the skin covers the glans/head differently on different men and in various states of arousal. I particularly love how the foreskin covers and even extends beyond the tip like it’s the wrapping on a present — a present for me to open… Just sayin’.

In photo #3 of the erect penises, you can see how the foreskin slides back, creating the ridged band on the anterior of the penis and the frenular delta (triangle of attached skin) on the underside of the penis head.

To join the anti-circumcision discussion, make a profile on the brand new ArousedWoman Forum. On Twitter, use the hastags, #i2, #nocirc, and #circumchat, and use #4skin for talking about foreskin restoration.

All photo collages are Copyright 2012 by ArousedWoman.com which is owned by Trish Causey. If you post these photos on your own blog or social media page, do not remove the copyright notice (which I have embedded on every penis) and please provide a link in the Reply box below so I can see.

And YES, I hope to do more collages, not only on the penis, but the testicles, and to celebrate the differences in women’s vulvas, clits, and breasts. As my mantra goes, “The human body is beautiful. Sex is beautiful. Orgasm is natural. Reject any dogma that shames what is beautiful and natural.”

To the guys who submitted photos – THANK YOU!!!

ENJOY!

trish

Click on an image to enlarge.

: #1 – Uncut Penis at rest or unaroused. *** Uncircumcised Penis Collage is Copyright 2012 by ArousedWoman.com by Trish Causey.. For #TeamUncut on #ForeskinFriday ***

: #2 – Uncut Penis getting aroused. *** Uncircumcised Penis Collage is Copyright 2012 by ArousedWoman.com by Trish Causey.. For #TeamUncut on #ForeskinFriday ***

: #3 – Uncut Penis erect. *** Uncircumcised Penis Collage is Copyright 2012 by ArousedWoman.com by Trish Causey.. For #TeamUncut on #ForeskinFriday ***

December 7, 2012 | Categories: activism, anatomy, body image, body mutilation, bullying, circumcision, clit, lingam, male orgasm, male perspective, NEWS, OpEd, patriarchal religion, penis, reclaiming sexuality, religious oppression, sacred sex, sex education, sexual abuse, sexuality, yang | 20 Comments »

Anatomy: Male Prostate ~ the Male G-Spot

Male Prostate ~ from Wikipedia commons

The male prostate is a gland about the size of a walnut located in the male anus.

The prostate creates prostatic fluid that mixes with sperm from the testicles to form ejaculate. Once aroused, the male prostate has a texture like that of a walnut, similar to how the female prostate takes on a ridged feeling when aroused. Moving your finger back and forth (i.e., wagging your finger, or like a windshield wiper), you should feel the two lobes of the prostate — the gland is bisected by the urethra running through the middle of the prostate, just as the urethra runs through the middle of the prostate in women.

The prostate can be accessed indirectly, from the outside at the “sweet spot” on the perineum, or directly, inside by using a finger or sex toy in the anus. Experimenting with your prostate does not make a man gay. In fact, anal play, prostate massage, and prostate milking can be a very delicious part of a heterosexual couple’s lovemaking, especially in the form of slow sex and sacred sex.

In Tantra, the male prostate is considered the male “Sacred Spot,” just as the “G-spot,” aka the Goddess Spot or Sacred Spot in women is located in the female prostate in the vagina.

Also in Tantra, the male prostate is considered to be the emotional center for a man in regard to his genitals. More than a few men, who have allowed a partner to do prostate milking on them, claim the prostate orgasm is the strongest, most intense, most emotionally moving orgasm they have ever experienced.

Many men who do prostate massage on a regular basis cannot fathom going back to their old orgasms. Common testimonials for these men also include the prostate orgasm is a “soulgasm,” and opens their hearts to their partners in ways they could never imagine before.

As with any anal play, safety precautions should always be followed to prevent the transference of fecal bacteria from the anal area to other body areas.

Condoms should be used on any sex toy that is inserted, and fitted latex gloves or finger cots can be used on the fingers to avoid having to wash your hands before fingering yourself elsewhere or fingering/touching your partner, as well as to avoid getting bacteria in a cut on the fingers.

Use lots of lubricant and massage the external anal sphincter completely to warm up and stretch the skin before trying to enter the anus. Silicone lube seems to work best and last the longest, but it is notoriously difficult to clean up afterward. Also, silicone lube will degrade the latex of condoms, so use only water-based lubricant or natural, unscented massage oil if using latex condoms.

The prostate can be a delicate gland. Direct stimulation should be slow and gentle at first to see what kind of pressure you like. If there is any pain, STOP. If there is any blood in your ejaculate or urine, see your healthcare professional.

PLEASE LEAVE A REPLY with your questions or detailing YOUR experiences (men and women).

trish

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December 6, 2012 | Categories: anatomy, anus, ejaculation, fingering, g-spot, hands, libido, male orgasm, male perspective, massage, men, multiple orgasms, orgasm, prostate, pulling out, reclaiming sexuality, relationship, sacred sex, sensual massage, sex education, sex positions, sex toy, sexual health, slow sex, solo sex, soulgasm, stress, Tantra, techniques, touch, training, union, urethra, yang | Leave A Comment »

AskTrish: Stop Ejaculating and Have Multiple Orgasms Already

A little something different from the usual AskTrish post…

While posting pics on my ArousedWoman Tumblr page, I came across a post on another Tumblr page in which a querent (I’m assuming male) asked: “when i masturbate and i hit orgasm once i cant have another one why not ? am i doing something wrong ?” The moderator responded: “no, not everyone is capable of multiple orgasms, that’s just the way it is…”

That is absolutely NOT TRUE — not even for men!

Ejaculating is a reflex, but it is a controllable reflex of the sympathetic nervous system. Semen is ejected due to contractions by the bulbospongiosus muscle. On a subtle body/spirit level, ejaculate is comprised of life force energy, and it takes an inordinate about of physical energy to produce and expel ejaculate from the body — hence the reason a guy is usually exhausted and needs a nap afterward. Ejac expends energy, causing fatigue for the man.

In women, stimulating the clit, which is synonymous to the penis, gives a localized burst of tension release at the clitoris, but any kind of vaginal orgasm (prostate/She Spot, cervical/uterine, AFE, PFE, even perineal sponge) creates full-body waves of bliss that flow and flow and flow, like waves that repeatedly crash against a shore. The clitoris is wired to the spinal cord via the pudendal nerve, but the vagina’s main nerve is the vagus nerve which bypasses the spinal cord and plugs directly into the brain.

Knowing how the body works physiologically helps in integrating the subtle energy body with the physical body, which leads to orgasms that literally blow your mind and everything you thought you knew about your body or orgasm. Conjuring orgasm via an energy-based practice with the help of a little anatomy know-how creates orgasm experiences that feel like Big Bang explosions in your core and your head — not localized to just the genitals.

Orgasm is a response of the parasympathetic nervous system. Orgasm increases energy. Many people use climaxing for muscle tension release before bed so they can get sleepy. However, orgasm in an energy practice gives and expands energy. From the Greek word, orgasmos, orgasm literally means “to swell.” Orgasm is NOT the end of a sexual experience but one amazing part of the journey. The end isn’t even “climax” but bliss, altered states of consciousness (no drugs needed!), awareness, and connection to self, your partner (if applicable), and the Universe.

ALL woman AND men are capable of multiple orgasms — FOR HOURS, days, weeks! Live your whole life in an orgasmic state of energy bliss… Why not?!

People need to STOP the myths and lies about what is possible in orgasm. ‘Cause I guaran-damn-tee MOST people have never experienced even an inkling of what orgasm can be. They grew up jerking off to skin mags and probably learned most of what they know about sex from watching the fakery of porn and memorizing the stupidity of magazine sex quizzes while standing in line at the store.

They should stop giving advice and read my fucking blog already!

trish

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December 5, 2012 | Categories: anatomy, AskTrish, awakening, blended orgasm, cervical orgasm, chi, clit, clitoral orgasm, coregasm, cosmic orgasm, ejaculation, emotion, energy center, energy field, energy raising, erection, explosion, female orgasm, female prostate, full body waves, genital yoga, hard sex, heartgasm, k-spot, libido, lingam, male orgasm, male perspective, men, multiple orgasms, orgasm, PC muscles, penis, porn, reclaiming sexuality, reiki, sacred sex, SASO's, sex education, sexual health, sexuality, she spot, solo sex, soulgasm, spirit, Tantra, Taoism, techniques, training, uterus, vagina, vulva, waves, women's sexuality, yang, yin, yoga, yoni | 3 Comments »

NEWS: ArousedWoman Love, Sex, & Orgasm Consults Now Available

With the success of my AskTrish series, I have been inundated with questions by people seeking personal help with their individual situations regarding sex, masturbation, healing from sexual trauma, and relationships.

I’ve been receiving so many questions on general topics and specific scenarios, I’m having trouble keeping up with them on top of my paying writing gigs! This is a great problem to have — it means you all love and respect my perspective, which warms my heart immensely. However, some querents have been less than gracious and even rude — one man asked a question via Twitter, then moments later told me to get back to him “soon, today” — like I’m a trained dog? Or like he had me on a paid retainer, or something?!

To alleviate this, I am still doing the AskTrish series, but on a schedule that suits my timetable. I am aiming for two to four posts per month.

To handle the overflow of questions, I am now offering personal consultations because I know for a fact just reading the AW Blog has helped many people. I like answering people’s questions over Twitter, but these Twitter convos have been taking hours… literally! I don’t teach voice lessons for free or write theatre articles for free, nor can I offer in-depth training for free (hey, I’m a single mom with a kid to feed). So please ask me a question via Twitter, but if it gets too involved, I will tell you to go for a Consult.

Personal consultations allow me to focus only on you and your particular situation and offer you specific techniques just for you. Use the email form on the AW Consult page to get the ball rolling. If I feel I cannot help you, I will tell you exactly that. I will not hold a consult if I don’t know I can help you.

The Consult can be held over the phone or via Skype (no video at this time). Personal orgasm training is also available, just use the Consult form to inquire. For more info, visit the AW Consult page.

And be on the look-out for more posts today on the up-cumming features of ArousedWoman^TM!

trish

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November 27, 2012 | Categories: AskTrish, awakening, communication, connection, female orgasm, NEWS, reclaiming sexuality, sexual abuse, women's circles, women's health, women's rights, women's sexuality | Leave A Comment »

Submission Guidelines for #TeamUncut #ForeskinFriday Penis Pics to ArousedWoman

In a selfless gesture to help the women of America overcome their phobias and misunderstandings about uncircumcized penises, I am accepting self-portraits of men who are uncut, aged 21 and over.

Don’t get me wrong — I love ALL penises: circumcized penises, small penises, large penises, all of them. But some uncut men in the United States still have to deal with discrimination from partners who are unaccustomed to seeing, handling, or loving a natural, intact penis.

I recently saw a tortured comment from one uncut guy on Tumblr. He was so distraught by a girlfriend calling his natural penis “nasty,” he was seriously contemplating getting circumcized at his current age of 23 or 24. I was horrified — not only at the thought of an adult male choosing circumcision just to be considered “normal” in a culture that has no clue about what normal sexuality should be (i.e., not evil, not sinful, not shameful, not jackhammering a vagina), but this girlfriend then told all her friends about his “nasty” penis and he became the laughing stock of his friends and acquaintances — at a college, no less.

** Stepping up on soapbox: America’s Puritanical overlords and evangelical bullshit have so warped our culture, few people have a clue as to what is natural and beautiful… in penises, breasts, or vulva! And yes, I am one of those radical tree-huggers who views routine infant male circumcision and any female circumcision as aggravated sexual assault with a deadly weapon, with the perpetrators being culpable and deserving jail time. (Stepping down…) **

I have already had a few submissions, and while some are great, some are a bit lackluster — not for size or shape, but for the absolute disregard for ambiance!!! Jeez! Dudes! You’re taking pics of your penis for a woman!!! Why is the toilet in the background?!

So I’m laying out some Submission Guidelines.

Photo must be of you and submitted by you, and YOU must be 21 years of age or older, regardless of where you live in the world.
Photo must be a close-up of your penis and testicles, or of your body somewhere from your navel to above your knees, i.e., your face should not be in the pic.
Multiple photos are permissible to show the way the foreskin moves/changes in different states: unaroused/natural, partially aroused, fully erect, etc. No cum shots will be posted (but you can send them anyway ).
Photos should be taken in natural light with NO FLASH — using flash does NOT make your penis look inviting. (Sorry, but that’s the truth.) So take the pic near a window, outside in the woods or other place where you won’t be arrested for indecent exposure, etc.
Higher resolution is better.
Photo may be edited by me for size, color tone, etc.
I HATE BLUE!!! So please don’t have anything blue in the picture.
All men — straight, gay, bi — are more than welcome!

If in doubt as to tone and ambiance, PLEASE look at my Tumblr page. I adore sensuality. Crude porn shots is NOT what I’m looking for. I want to honor the male and the uncut penis.

Sumbit via email on the main ArousedWoman.com website.

P.S. Cut guys — feel free to send pics, too, and I’ll put them in a separate collage.

trish

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October 28, 2012 | Categories: activism, anatomy, awakening, bisexual, body image, body mutilation, circumcision, erotica, male orgasm, male perspective, men, OpEd, patriarchal religion, penis, politics, reclaiming sexuality, religious oppression, reproductive rights, sex education, sexual abuse, sexual health, sexuality, yang | 4 Comments »

AskTrish: Man Ponders Women’s Perspective of an Open, Polyamorous Relationship

Dear Trish,

I’m a 50 year-old straight (but bi-curious) male. I have been with my female partner for 5 years now and have been living with her for 4 years. I am in school 300 miles away. The past few months, while I have been here, I have talked to her about exploring her own sexuality — not an open relationship as I am not wanting that, just giving her the freedom to explore whatever desires she finds. I believe there is great healing in sexual freedom which is truly empowering. So, tomorrow night she has a ‘movie night’ with a friend of ours who has made it very clear he wants to fuck her. He is a good friend and the safe factor is one that cannot be ignored. I actually encouraged him to move ahead with pursuing her at my birthday party on Friday night! Can a person be able to feel true happiness at the thought of his partner not only having sex with a friend, but encouraging it and enjoying her pleasure by offering her the liberty to do so as she desires? I know the idea is so very exciting to me, but I don’t hear talk about this stuff in many places. I know I will be so very happy when she tells me all about it tomorrow night, I guess I am just looking to hear a woman’s thought on having that level of freedom while in a committed relationship, albeit a long distance one. Do you have any thoughts on this? I guess the bottom line is how deep does ‘control’ run in the male psyche?! I feel so un-male by being so seemingly un-normal! Would you, as a woman, feel ‘liberated’ or some other something else? Would this kind of freedom (for lack of a better term) be received as a negative by women?

James
Ontario, Canada

Dear James,

A million thoughts are running through my head, many of which you may not like. So please accept my response with a grain of salt as it comes with a healthy dose of tough love. Since you’re in Canada, I’m too far away to give you the ass-kicking my Irish fire really wants to administer. Clearly, the misogyny of patriarchal culture is entrenched in the northern climes — which is sad since I’ve always heard Canadians were so nice.

I’ll address your male psyche first. You are not “un-manly” or “un-normal.” You are following your desires as a consenting adult. Neither a sexually repressed society nor antiquated, misogynist religion should be your barometer in pursuing adult relationships. However, these negative influences have shaped you as evidenced in your verbiage, which I purposely left whole so you could see your subconscious language patterns: “giving her the freedom,” “offering her the liberty,” “a woman’s thought on having that level of freedom,” “would you, as a woman, feel ‘liberated’”… What century are you living in?! And are you sure you don’t live in Arizona?

Whether this relationship you have with your woman is committed, casual, or even legally bound with a ~~prison sentence~~ marriage license, she is a free, autonomous human being and can “fuck” or “make love” with whomever she chooses, and she doesn’t need your permission or your “giving” her the liberty and freedom from psychological slavery to pursue the physical and emotional needs of her own body, heart, and mind. Capiche?

I’ll get off my soap box because I know your intention is not to sound like a misogynist jerk. Your language is indicative of living in an oppressive patriarchal culture while your heart and spirit desperately want validation and freedom from that very oppression.

Clearly, you and your woman have great communication, for which I applaud you! While you say you don’t want an open relationship, you, in fact, have one. It could even be polyamory if the other partner(s) have emotional feelings as well. These types of relationships are not talked about in society for the same reason homosexual and bisexual relationships are still taboo — they threaten the hetero-patriarchal dynamic that limits relationships to male/female and institutionalizes the hierarchy of a superior male with an inferior female’s body and mind being owned by the male.

For me, I have sworn I would never do another long distance relationship because they’re expensive, annoying, and sexually frustrating. However, I have always thought that sex “in the meantime” is okay because we all have needs. The body wants sex. The heart wants love. You make accommodations when you can’t be with the one you love via abstinence, cheating, or an open relationship where both people understand there is a physical need that is separate from the emotional need — if that is an understanding that is right for the both of you.

For instance, if I were in a relationship with a soldier, knowing he or she will be gone for months or even longer than a year, I would tell them to have sex when they can with someone “safe,” i.e., don’t bring home any diseases. The body has needs and wants. So I’m perfectly fine with them having sex with a fellow soldier or “safe” partner while on deployment. Do what you need to do to make it through the day to stay alive and come home.

Some species mate for life while most of the earth’s inhabitants only have flings or “open” relationships for each mating season. Humans may choose monogamy or polyamory as dictated by their personal needs or spiritual/religious beliefs.

Polyamorous relationships are not fully understood or accepted by most monogamous people. The non-poly people don’t understand how two people in a committed relationship can be with others outside the relationship and not get jealous. Getting jealous is just not something in the make-up of polyamorous folks. This hippie/free-love notion of open acceptance and loving everyone is a threat to our competition-driven imperialistic society that thrives on conflict and profits from war. Polyamory will never be accepted as a mainstream lifestyle in the West until the oppressive overlords figure out how to make money off of it.

Back in my early 20′s, the theatre orgies I participated in were a revelation in how committed couples can explore their sexuality with friends — with their partner participating, watching, or exploring with someone else — and no one ever got jealous. Ever. There was no reason to get jealous because the desires and explorations were out in the open, as opposed to “cheating” behind a partner’s back. Exploring our bodies sexually had nothing to do with the love for a committed partner…. But that’s bohemian artists for you!

I have friends who have been in polyamorous relationships — a man and his female partner with another woman whose male partner was a prude. His jealousy of her need for the poly relationship put a damper on all four of them. So, James, embrace your open relationship, and revel in the level of communication you and your partner have because what you have is rare and wonderful!

You also have a voyeuristic side to you, and I’m sure you not only want to hear about the sex your partner is having with her friend/fling, but you probably wouldn’t mind sitting in the corner and watching, yes? If you’re turned on by watching your partner flirt, there’s no harm in that as long as both of you have that clear understanding. Problems arise when one partner wants things for the relationship that the other partner does not.

I would be interested to hear why, at the age of 50, you’re bi-curious and have never taken the plunge! Following your desires instead of living vicariously through your woman’s experiences with men might open a whole new world of sexual possibilities for your relationship. Being with two guys is as much a fantasy for a lot of women as being with two women is a dream for a lot of men.

You are normal. You are masculine. You and your partner are doing just fine, in my opinion. Keep up the wonderful communication between the two of you. Do let me know how ‘movie night’ went! Also, leave a comment if you have any more questions — and to tell me you forgive my tough love.

trish

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October 25, 2012 | Categories: activism, AskTrish, awakening, bedroom, communication, connection, government, journey, LGBT, male orgasm, male perspective, marriage, men, misogyny, patriarchal religion, reclaiming sexuality, religious oppression, sex education, sexuality, women's rights, women's sexuality | 3 Comments »

NEWS: Raising $$$ for ArousedWoman Radio & Forum!

This is a quick note to let everyone know that I am taking the bull by the horns and starting up the Radio show and Forum that I’ve been wanting to create for a while now.

So many people ask me if I do podcasts, and I have to tell them, yes, but not yet for AW. Well, that’s changing!

While we dream of Utopia, running a radio show and hosting a forum is not free. It costs money for the licensed platforms even when the daily toil of maintaining each is based on sweat equity.

AW Radio will cover all aspects of the AW raison d’etre including Women’s Sexuality, Women’s Rights, LGBT, Survivors of Abuse, Religious Freedom, Indigenous Rights, Environmental Issues, Healthcare, Anti-Circumcision/Body Autonomy issues, and more.

The AW Forum will provide a safe place for like-minded individuals and orgs to talk about issues, recovery, and more importantly, foster solutions to put into practice. The Forum will be membership-based (to keep out the crazies) at $14.95/year, with a portion of the proceeds being donated annually to 2 organizations as voted on by the Forum community.

For more info on the Radio show as well as the Forum, visit my GoFundMe page I’ve started. Donations are securely processed by either WePay or PayPal (your choice!).

Be sure to check out the REWARD that accompanies each donation level, and make a TAX-DEDUCTIBLE donation if you can.

Thank you!

trish

October 5, 2012 | Categories: #WarOnWomen, #WhereAreTheWomen, 2012 elections, activism, audio, awakening, communication, DailyOJ, equality, FGM, government, Health, journey, LGBT, male perspective, medical system, misogyny, multiple orgasms, NEWS, OpEd, patriarchal religion, planned parenthood, politics, reclaiming sexuality, religious oppression, reproductive rights, sex education, sex toy, sexual abuse, sexual health, solo sex, sound, women's rights, women's sexuality | Leave A Comment »

AskTrish: SexEd Teacher Wants to Overcome Shame on Issue of Masturbation

I teach SexEd for 15 / 16 year-olds. I usually manage to have an open atmosphere and we discuss all different topics openly (I even created an experiment how condoms react to different lubrications). Where I have always failed was the topic of masturbation. I think it is a very important topic, but how could I overcome the shame issue? Any ideas?

trantor1970

Dear Trantor1970,

This is a wonderful and timely question! This issue resonates with me not only because of ArousedWomanBlog, but also because my teenage daughter is taking SexEd right now in high school. As someone who loves sex and being sexual, I think everyone should have honest, non-judgmental information available to them. As a mother, deep inside, I’m a little freaked out that my baby is learning about sex anywhere much less at school. Thankfully, we’ve had chats about the vagina and her body before this.

I’m not sure if you teach in a public or private school, but for now, I’ll assume it is a public school. Since you do condom experiments, it sounds as if you have a good rapport with your students. This is very important when tackling the hard issues, such as masturbation.

The shame of masturbation is intrinsically tied to the misogyny and oppression of religion. Any sex that was not partnered and heterosexual was demonized by the Church and other patriarchal religions centuries ago. Extra-marital sex, homosexual sex, and solo sex were all frowned upon because legitimate (male) heirs could not be born from these forms of sex. (The Church and Western culture just love their male heirs.)

Another kooky aspect of religion is the notion that the body belongs to “God,” should be put to use for “God’s work,” to do “God’s will.” This medieval mental hogwash strips the notion of body autonomy from the start — the person is a vessel; the person does not have a right to his or her own body because it is owned by a deity in the sky.

As a public school teacher, this line of thinking presents a problem because of the topic of religion. For a parochial school teacher, talking about religion may be more easily allowed, but truth about sex, masturbation, birth control, et al, may not be told in a private religious school. However, it is religion that forms the basis for the enduring shame of sex, birth control, and abortion — a pernicious misogyny that has sunk its talons into government as well.

Not talking about religion when talking about any of this is strange to me, but I’ll leave that soapbox alone for now… (except to say that I get irate when my daughter tells me they were talking about religion in her public school. I have the ACLU on speed-dial, and I’m not afraid to contact a teacher or principal to find out the exact curriculum being taught to my child.)

As I told my daughter when she was 13, “Your body is yours to explore as you choose.” Leaving religion out of the masturbation dialogue, I would approach it this way. Start by not using the polarizing, giggle-inducing word, “masturbation.” Call it “Solo Sex.” By using a different term, it allows the listener to actually contemplate the information rather than falling back on emotional, knee-jerk reactions. Notice, in the paragraph up above, I used the term “extra-marital sex” and not “adultery.” The latter term has a more grave, more judgmental, shameful, sinful connotation (thanks to religion).

Make your points by positioning the conversation in a logical way with supportive arguments:

Your body is yours to explore as you choose.
Solo sex is natural and normal. (Perhaps give examples of other species that masturbate.)
Solo sex is a great way to learn about your body, your specific erogenous zones, and your individual sexual response. (Each of us is unique. How will a partner know your zones if you don’t know what to tell him/her about your body?)
Solo sex is a great way to sort through the raging hormones and experience orgasm without engaging in partnered sex before you’re really ready.
With solo sex, you won’t get pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted disease.

Even then, students may ask about the religious aspect, i.e., “But won’t I go to Hell for touching myself?” I would say, “I’m here to teach you about your body not religious dogma.” Removing religion and the subsequent cultural attitude helps lesson the shame of the issue. The shame from religion stems from the Church’s quest to control every ounce of a person’s mind, will, body, and soul, especially that of women. That was how the Church leaders stayed in power and made money. Puritanical American culture has continued this misogyny against women through body-shaming, name-calling, and other cultural forms of judgment based on a woman’s sexual freedom with her body.

The most blatant and vicious assault on women was the European and New World witch trials. Forget the myths of hexes and magical mojo — Did you know that “witchcraft” was officially a capital sex crime? Ironically, other countries look at America with ridicule because of how immature our country still is in regard to true, passionate, fulfilling sex… (but sexualized violence and rape are okay in American media, video games, comic books, and culture).

For me, masturbation is a body autonomy issue, a basic human right, as is protecting children from the violent sexual abuse of having their genitals mutilated (notice, I didn’t use the word “circumcision” — it’s all in the phrasing). When we acknowledge our bodily autonomy, we acknowledge our inherent freedom as human beings. People masturbate for various reasons:

Solo sex and orgasm feel good (awesome, even!).
A person may have solo sex because he or she does not have or does not want a partner… (Believe it or not, there may be times in your life when you don’t want another person in your bed.)
A man or woman’s significant other is unable to have partnered sex due to illness or disability.
Solo sex allows a sexual abuse survivor to reclaim his or her body, sexuality, and bodily autonomy.

Masturbation is the butt of jokes in television shows all the time, which I find to be truly sad. Masturbating can be a beautiful way to love yourself and to learn yourself. For me, solo sex has been the key to resolving my past abuse, loving my body, integrating my various parts to become a whole woman, and ergo, a whole human being.

I hope something I’ve said will help you. Please write back and let me know how it went!

trish

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