Arts, Activism, Awakening in Mind, Body, & Spirit

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Tantra Tuesday with Trish Causey: What is Tantra?


Trish Causey presents Tantra Tuesday on YouTubeIf you’ve seen my recent foray into daily YouTubing, you will have noticed that the second day of the week is now Tantra Tuesday.  You know I love Tanta, and there is SOOOOO much more to Tantra than just sex … although I love the sexy side of Tantra as well.

In this weekly series, I will talk about the history behind Tantra, its philosophies and its wisdoms for improving your life on a daily basis — yes, that includes sex.  Of course, the best orgasm secrets I keep for clients who sign up for training with me.

So check out the first installment of Tantra Tuesday, and leave a comment here and/or my YouTube page!

Enjoy!

trish

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Daily OJ 12-24-14: For the Sake of Meatloaf, “Bat Out of Hell”, and Crying Out Loud


Meat Loaf - Bat Out of Hell - Songs by Jim SteinmanTonight, while making dinner, I had a humorous experience … humorous at first.  As with many epiphanies, there was a surprising twist at the end.

I was making meatloaf — the first time in about a decade that I’ve attempted the infamously dry American dinner staple.  Normally while cooking, I listen to Govi’s “Andalusian Nights” (because I’m addicted to Spanish guitar and Romani music styles from the region of Andalusia), but for some reason, I scrolled down and landed on another album in my playlist, Jim Steinman and Meat Loaf’s “Bat Out of Hell”.  I wasn’t really thinking about it, just that I was making a new recipe and wanted something more power-charged to get me through the slew of ingredients I needed to gather, chop, saute, and caramelize.  I was cooking other things, too (bell peppers and friend eggplant), so I was only half listening to the album.  Yet, I was sort of singing along to this album I haven’t listened to in forever.

I first heard “Bat Out of Hell” at my friend Ronny’s house over 20 years ago.  But I remember being absolutely engaged in every note, both instrumental and vocal.  Being much younger, the album was interesting technically, especially the twist in the lyrics, but at the time, I was more concerned with the songs’ “money notes” for me as a singer, particularly the ballads.

Tonight, as I took the meatloaf out of the oven, it was brought to my attention (by my daughter) that I was listening to Meat Loaf.  I laughed.  How ironic, yes?  Well, since I haven’t actually listened with full attention to the album in 20 years, I decided to listen (actively listen) to the whole “Bat Out of Hell” album after dinner.

I sat on my sofa, cushioned by pillows, the tree lights to my left and a small lamp to my right, and headphones on my ears.  The first track — the title song — played, and it was as if I’d never been away.  I remembered the song and almost all of the lyrics as I sang along.  The second song was next, and again, I laughed and sang.

The third song came on, and that is when things changed.  A couple of lines into “Heaven Can Wait”, I was crying.  That’s when it really hit me what this whole album is about: a man, who’s looking for the simple, uncomplicated hook-up, who will leave like a “bat out of hell” before morning, experiences conflict when facing the emotional aspect of being with someone who actually matters to him.

As the song played on, and the tempi changed, and the styles ran the gamut from 1970’s rock to rockabilly 8-to-the-bar, the true meanings of these songs continued to hit me, over and over.  I thought back to when I had a slight panic attack a while back, realizing that I was terrified of intimacy with a man because it would mean being real, not putting on airs, or pretending there isn’t more to me than just breasts and long red hair, or stuffing my own needs down so as not to burden the man with inconvenient, icky things like … honesty, sincerity, and emotions.

The songs explore this “all-American boy” who is “lookin’ for something to do” and “all revved up with no place to go”.  He gets “a taste of paradise” with “an all-American girl”, and as long as it’s just physical, everything is okay.  But then she wants to know if he loves her.  His answer: “I want you. I need you, but there ain’t no what I’m ever going to love you.”

He tells the tale of being rebuffed by a woman in his past.  She left him on a stormy night, and he begged her not to leave; but she told him how she could never love him.  That experience of rejection and having his heart broken built walls within him that he is not willing to dismantle.  And so he treats women with the same cold indifference.

I’m not going to excuse the other woman’s behaviour, but how many men had done the same thing to her to avoid emotional entanglement, when they probably only wanted to get laid or were scared of emotional attachment?  She probably adopted those same patterns to prevent getting hurt again, and thus, continues the cycle of avoidance and hurt, which the male character in “Bat Out of Hell” now displays towards the girl he is with.

Just as he’s about to get to “fourth base” with the girl, she stops everything and asks, “Do you love me?  Will you love me forever?  Do you need me?  Will you never leave me?”  There are two problems here: 1) Women using sex to get love, and 2) The all-or-nothing deal-breaker of the hyperbolic concept of “forever”.

Women:  Just stop playing games; you’re better than that.  Now, I cannot do one-night stands or hook-up sex — it’s just not something I want.  I need an emotional connection with a partner.  But I certainly remember that feeling as a teenager of wanting to be loved and sensing that irritated frustration from a guy who would say anything just so long as I let him touch me and kiss me.  Then he’d get mad when I didn’t want him to go further — somehow his anger was my fault.  Playing the game is easier, but not necessarily better for you and your sense of self-worth.

Everyone:  Stop trying to predict the future; be with the person who makes you happy, makes you laugh, and appreciates you for who you are and doesn’t try to change you.  Due to the conditioning of romance novels, movies, and princess-genre animated films in which “forever” is the only option for a woman, especially where her reputation is concerned.  This is an antiquated view of women, our sexuality, and sexual happiness.  Most relationships do not last forever, so it puts unnecessary pressure on two people to force things to work out.  As one of the songs opines, “I’m praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you.”

The lead character responds to her question that he’ll give her an answer in the morning.  At least he didn’t outright lie just to tell her what she wanted to hear.  That is almost more painful in the long-run.

As I listened to “For Crying Out Loud”, the tears came even harder.  This phrase is usually said in exasperation, “Oh, for crying out loud….”  And he sings that way at first: “I know you belong inside my aching heart…. I’m gonna need somebody to make me feel like you do.”  And he says, “For crying out loud, you know I love you.”

Why does it take so much effort for a man to express his feelings?  Is it really 2,500 years of patriarchy that have tried to create each successive generation of men as emotionally void and demonstratively robotic as their “strong, silent type” predecessors?  Not every man has this problem of expressing his feelings, but most of them do.

And after the virtuoso piano-playing, the strings ensemble filling in the lush orchestral sound, and the timpani pounding out the big crescendo, the twist comes.  He reveals that yes, he does want her and need her, and more.  For giving him answers, “for that, I thank you”; and for keeping him going when he wanted to stop, “for that I want you…. But most of all, for crying out loud, for that, I love you.”

I’ve written many times how my orgasms are emotional experiences for me, and if I don’t cry afterward (or during), the sensual adventure does not feel complete.  I’m left still wanting that emotional, sensual fulfillment to come full-circle with the physical pyrotechnics of climax.  I need emotion, and I need a man who understands that having and expressing emotion is normal, good, and healing.

This past Sunday, I spent the evening at a friend’s Winter Solstice ritual.  I haven’t spent a lot of time with pagan men in the past several years — I’ve been too busy just trying to keep my head above water as a single mom.  But being around these men — men who worship the feminine aspect of the divine and who have no problem talking about their love of the goddess — was a breath of fresh air for me.  To hear men talk respectfully about women, to not hear one derogatory joke about women, was amazing.  It was so different to what I usually read on “friends'” walls on Facebook and certainly more woman-friendly that a lot of what I see on Twitter and Tumblr.

So, thank you, pagan, goddess-lovin’, dirt-worshiping witchy men.  You give me hope that one day I can find my own nature-lovin’, yoni-worshiping, bohemian, music-makin’, heathen man who can love me for crying out loud.

Aroused and emoting,

trish

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OpEd: Why You Should Schedule Sex On a Regular Basis


schedule tantric sex alarm arousedwoman 2014There’s an old joke in the performing arts: “How do you get to Carnegie Hall?” Answer: “Practice, practice, practice.”

Today, I read a great post by the awesome sexual health writer August McLaughlin in which she responded to a HuffPo piece about why couples need to schedule sex — with one of the reasons being to boost the man’s ego.  In her response piece, August gives her reasons why a couple might not want to have regularly scheduled sex — she advocates having sex when you want to, and her points regarding that particular HuffPo scenario are solid.  Women should not feel compelled to have sex just to soothe a man’s delicate ego.  We put up with enough of that outside the bedroom.  But the concept of scheduled sex actually ties in to my own orgasmic practice and my approach with helping others realize their orgasmic potential.

I wholeheartedly endorse regularly scheduled sex, especially at the beginning of a relationship, as long as both people enter the process honestly and equally.  When a couple has made the leap from hand-holding to sex, there is so much to learn about each other’s bodies.  The newness of the relationship should make arousal very easy with all those lovey-dovey hormones drowning your brain in bliss-vibes.  Once the relationship is established, life and work and kids tend to take priority.  That alone is a great reason to have regularly scheduled sex-time, to make sure you have that consistent connection that centers you both back to why you’re together in the first place.

And before dissenters blast me with “But sex shouldn’t be the basis of the relationship!”  Well, then, you’ll have to explain 500 million years of evolutionary procreation and a big chunk of human biology, anthropology, psychology, and sexology.  Sex is imperative to a good relationship, and at the foundation of both sex and the relationship is communication.  Bad sex can often be attributed to bad communication.  And even if you can’t have traditional sexual activity due to a disability or medical condition, there are alternatives; so yes, persons with disabilities can have enjoyable, satisfying sexual experiences.  My point is that lovemaking can improve with regularly scheduled “training sessions”, or as I call them, “awakening sessions”.  (Remember, part of the definition of “arouse” is “to awaken”.)

Sex with yourself as well as with a new partner should be scheduled to happen on a regular schedule, preferably daily.  Unless you’re blessed to have an Orgasm Faery guarantee your arousal and climax, regular sexual activity is required to keep the body in orgasm-mode.  The intent of the “awakening sessions” is to awaken the body and your capacity for increasing your orgasmic response.

The word “orgasm” comes from the Greek orgasmos and means “to swell”, therefore true orgasm is NOT the sudden release at the end of arousal.  Technically, orgasm is happening throughout arousal with the climax being a sudden swelling and release of muscular tension.  For many, this release is very physical, but for some this release is full-body and emotional as well.  This is most confusing for men, who associate orgasm with ejaculation, even though these are different actions from different parts of the autonomic nervous system.  High school sex education classes still teach that men “must” orgasm to expel semen for procreation.  This is wrong — ejaculation is required for expelling sperm. Ask any man who’s ever needed Viagra, and he can tell you that orgasmic pleasure and ejaculation are not necessarily one and the same.  (But that is a whole other blog post.)  Because of the misperception of what orgasm actually is, men especially miss out on many orgasms during the arousal period because they don’t know to separate the subtle orgasm response from the explosive ejaculatory reflex.  Men who have mastered non-ejaculatory climax orgasms love being able to have multiple climatic orgasms in one lovemaking session.

This brings me to another point.  Get rid of the goal of orgasm.  Men are taught to be very goal-oriented, which is why they can miss so many good feelings during the journey to climax.  Men also are under the incorrect myth that women have more capacity for sexual arousal and more orgasms than men.  This is not true on the subtle body level.  Men have the same capacity as women for hours of orgasmic bliss, especially if the man has learned ejaculation control.  If so, the whole session is a swelling of pleasure, wave after wave of orgasms, and multiple climatic experiences with no refractory period necessary.  The orgasms just keep building until he’s ready to stop.

But how do you get to that point of awakening?  The same way you get to Carnegie Hall: practice, practice, practice.  How do you work that practice into your busy life?  Schedule, schedule, schedule.

Because I come from a Tantrik perspective, I am an advocate of regular, scheduled practice for a number of reasons but mainly because awakening the subtle body is a meditative practice for me.

Orgasm is a learned response, and your body needs regular practice to become proficient.  Yes, there are times when orgasm happens by itself, but that is not the case for most women, considering so many women have never orgasmed during penetrative sex.  Orgasm is a dual response: the physical body and the subtle body.  Most men know how to jerk off, and most women know how to rub their clit to soreness.  That does not ensure an ecstatic experience.  I think we’ve all experienced at some time or another the physical orgasm that was just located to the genitals, and we somehow felt disappointed.

Today, in fact, is the day my daughter heads back to school, and I am finally alone at home again, something I don’t have on a regular basis when school is out for summer.  Every summer since my initial awakening, my practice is minimal to non-existent due to privacy issues (thin walls … I’m loud).  During these nearly three months of little to no practice, I can most definitely tell a difference in my arousal levels, my “swelling” responses, and the intensity of my climaxes.  I still have spontaneous orgasms and my stealth O’s, but going nearly three months without my super-orgasms is like being accustomed to a daily round of the 1812 Overture but having to settle for Twinkle Twinkle Little Star instead.  Not cool!  Thank goddess, school is back on!

No one would tell a wannabe concert pianist that he should practice only when he really has the urge to play.  He would never become proficient enough to call himself a concert pianist, much less to play a gig at Carnegie Hall without dedicated, routine practice.  When it comes to orgasms, we have to practice regularly, learning how to play our body as an instrument of pleasure the way a musician plays a piano or oboe or guitar with expertise and ease.

hug from behindAs I teach my clients, the subtle body is the real wonder when it comes to orgasmic fulfillment.  But awakening the subtle body requires specific steps done repeatedly and routinely over a span of time.  Yes, you schedule your orgasm-awakening sessions the same way you schedule your daily shower or your gym workout or having dinner ready by a certain time.  Have your sessions at the same time, preferably daily, but at least three times per week, and under the same circumstances.  As with any exercise, routine repetition allows the body and more importantly THE MONKEY MIND to know, “Oh, we’re doing this now. Okay,” and settling into that higher bliss state begins to happen more quickly and more effortlessly.  Then, when you’re in the moment with a partner, you have a reference for where you want to be in your arousal and you can get there more quickly — you’ve done your practice, practice, practice, and now you’re ready for Carnegie Hall.  Orgasm becomes not just one major release, i.e., climax, but a true swelling of sensations and experiences that grow and expand exponentially for hours if you want, until you’re ready to come down from that higher bliss state; and even then the long, slow descent can be as throbbing, undulating, and breathtaking as the journey upward.

When we do not practice our sexual-ness and sensual-ness and awakening-ness in a dedicated, routine practice, our sexual response lessens.  Regular arousal can even lessen.  Arousal and even vaginal fluid are dependent upon hormones; if you neglect keeping your hormones happy, your hormones won’t be there to keep you happy.

For most people, their sexual “practice” is sporadic, and yet they expect Carnegie Hall-worthy orgasms to result.  And when the arousal and/or the climax is less than what was hoped for, people often turn to other means of artificially increasing the odds via vibrators and/or porn, neither of which helps your body awaken to its own amazing potential.  Vibrators can damage the nerves, and porn keeps you in your fantasies in your head when your focus should be entirely on your body and the awakening responses to stimulation.

For a couple, scheduling regular awakening sessions can be a much-needed time to learn each other’s bodies.  After all, do you automagically know what to do with a penis if you’ve never had lots of time to play with one?  Do you know what to do with a vagina if you’ve never had a languid evening to explore inside one?  An awakening session is for the awakening — orgasm may or may not happen.  However, the more you do it, the more likely spontaneous orgasms will be a regular part of the experience.  This greatly benefits the orgasmic response during lovemaking as well as deepening the bond between partners.  No stress, just exploration and awakening.  Though, I would be very surprised if such juicy exploration and discovery didn’t lead to sex.  (Enjoy!)

In some Tantric traditions, scheduling sex on a daily basis is an important part of learning and growing and sharing.  Some teachers have clients set aside a week or 14 days or even 21 days to do nothing but make love.  If they aren’t going to the bathroom or eating a meal, they’re making love.  There is something deeply intimate and intense that happens when you are that committed to being so connected with another person.  For most people, this kind of “sexcation” is impossible to arrange, but it is possible to schedule that hour per day when it’s just the two of you: awakening, sharing, and loving.

Approach the awakening session as an active meditation.  Allow and receive.  Let the subtle body do its thing.  Relearn what it means to orgasm and feel pleasure.  Soon, you’ll have orgasms while walking down the street, shopping at the grocery store, standing in line at the post office.  You’ll have laugh-gasms, heart-gasms, foot-gasms, scalp-gasms, face-gasms, arm-gasms, soul-gasms, and more-gasms — all of which will enrich your lovemaking as a couple.  As you progress with your daily, scheduled practice, you will learn a whole new respect for the wisdom of the body as it takes you to levels of pleasure that are unimaginable until you actually experience them. Have you ever had a climatic orgasm so powerful, you could feel that you were the universe?  You could feel all of eternity with your fingertips?  I have.  And you can, too.

Now, get out your calendar and commit to daily awakening sessions for at least a week, but preferably for one month. You’ll be amazed how you’ve grown orgasmically in so short a time!

Aroused and practicing,

trish

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NEWS: ArousedWoman Magazine PRE-SALE Premiere Issue or All 6 Issues


ArousedWoman MagazineComing soon!  ArousedWoman Magazine will hit the cyber-newsstands in August 2014.

You can pre-order and get yours reserved for $9.99.  Or get a subscription for all 6 bimonthly issues for just $49.99.

In order to be truly happy, you have to be happy (and healthy) on several levels.   The best way to accomplish this is with solid information so you can make informed decisions about your life, your body, your rights, and your peace of mind in this crazy, hectic world.

AW Magazine will be a digital publication, readable on any computer or mobile device.  The premiere August/September issue will be released in August 2014.

An extension of AW Blog and AW Radio, AW Mag is an in-depth look at various topics for women (and men!), including sex, health, fitness, nutrition, feminism/activism, original erotica, guest writers, spirituality, reviews, and more!

The August/September 2014 issue will feature articles and interviews on the topics:

  • Body image
  • California women’s Reiki healing center
  • Radiant pleasure
  • Finding our way back from patriarchy
  • Goddess-based spirituality
  • The new Atheism
  • Classical Tantra
  • Activist film festivals
  • Revolutionary Feminism
  • Painting female nudes
  • Healing yourself through meditation
  • Knowing your vagina
  • Massage & the importance of touch
  • Breast Health
  • Protecting your clit
  • Orgasm tips
  • New AskTrish letters
  • Sexual health
  • Overall nutrition
  • Recipes
  • Original erotica
  • Guest articles
  • OpEd pieces
  • Reviews
  • AND MORE!

Every issue will have new articles, new guests, new important health coverage, and new original erotica!

Pay using your PayPal account or your credit or debit card:

And please SPREAD THE WORD by sharing the link to this blog post.  Thank you!

trish

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NEWS: I Can Now Marry You


handfasting-marriage-wedding-handsI am now an official Marriage Officiant!

If you’re looking for a pagan, heathen, witchy, Wiccan, bohemian, theatrical, non-traditional, out-of-the-ordinary, non-Christian, and/or non-religious wedding, LET ME KNOW!  (I will be happy to officiate a Christian marriage, too.)

I want to provide an alternative to those who can’t or don’t want a Christian/church wedding but want more than the Justice of the Peace gig. 

If you’re in a state that allows GAY MARRIAGE, lemme know!  I will travel!

Feel free to contact me by leaving a comment below.

trish

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