Arts, Activism, Awakening in Mind, Body, & Spirit

sacred fluids

AskTrish: Man Inquires If Menopause Means the End of Sex for Women


woman-nude-breast*NOTE*:  This question was asked of me on a yoga forum.  I have included my original response as well as some extra info here.

Trish,

Is menopause the wilting stage for women?

HELL NO!!!!!

Menopause is a WONDERFUL time for women sexually!  It’s the first time in a woman’s life that she can have true sexual freedom, knowing she can have as much sex as she wants and she can’t get pregnant.  Menopause is FREEING for women!  (Of course, safe sex measures should still be practiced to prevent sexually transmitted diseases.)

If a woman monitors her health, especially her hormones, women can enjoy sex right up till the day they die.  Hell, orgasm would be a great way to die! :-)  Just slip right on over to the Other Side since you’re already there anyway.

We enter the physical body for a reason — to have physical experiences.  One of the most joyous physical experiences is the sexual experience, whether partnered or solo.  As someone of Gaelic (Scotch-Irish) descent, I follow the path of my ancestors — we are spirit beings here to have physical experiences while maintaining our connection to the spiritual side.  So I’m enjoying the ride as much as I can.  :-)

* EXTRA*:  Use of synthetic hormones, i.e., synthetic Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), is now associated with increased risks of cancer in women.  Some women prefer using plant-based progesterone, which is a pre-cursor to both estrogen and testosterone.  Testosterone is required for a healthy libido in both men and women.  Too much estrogen is not good for either men or women.

Avoid getting extra estrogen from your food, such as unfermented soy which pervades the American food supply and is very high phytoestrogens.  Unfermented soy products include soy milk, soy baby formula, vegetable oil (soy/soybean), soy yogurt, soy cheese, soy creamer, soy ice cream, tofu — and any product made from tofu, etc.  Fermented soy products can be beneficial (as are all fermented foods), such as tempeh, miso, and tamari (real soy sauce).

Being healthy overall is required for a healthy vagina (or male prostate).  Get adequate amounts of vitamins and minerals from your foods and/or quality supplements, plus healthy saturated fats, Omega-3′s, etc., and stay AWAY from processed foods.  Buy organic, locally-grown food whenever you can.  Eat seasonally-grown foods.  Be able to source all your ingredients.  While on the course of improving your health, if you don’t make it from scratch, don’t eat it.

Being healthy will help minimize the symptoms of PMS and menopause — and YES, men do have hormonal fluctuations each month and later in life when their libido may drop due to declining health or bad dietary habits.  That is, men should be able to get and maintain erections whenever they want, regardless of age.  Erections are a direct result of a man’s health.

One of the side effects of menopause is vaginal dryness, or not making as much natural lubrication as a woman used to.  In fact, women can experience vaginal dryness at any age, especially if she ingests a lot of caffeine or other dehydrating substance, but a lessening in the production of vaginal juices can be common from the age of 40 onward.  Regardless of age, the vagina will let you know when she is lubricated enough for penetration.  Do NOT confuse a woman being aroused for sex with her vagina being ready for sex.  (Yes, men, this takes 15 to 30 minutes of “foreplay”.  Get over it.)

To avoid vaginal dryness and lack of libido, drink plenty of water each day — an ounce of water per pound of body weight.  Eat lots of veggies — I love my Franken-Salad.  Also, eat lean protein and complex carbs.  Whether or not you’re gluen-free, vegetables actually have lots of carbohydrates in them.  Eat healthy saturated fats such as macadamia nuts or other nuts, and get plenty of Omega-3′s from eggs, fish oil, and/or chia seeds.  Cacao (dark chocolate) is also great for boosting libido.

Menopause is NO reason to stop feeling sexy!  Use nutrition to supply your brain and body with peak quantities of the nutrients they need to function, with plenty left over for extracurricular fun-ctions like sex and orgasm.  Moderate exercise, such as walking, yoga, or dancing, is always great for maintaining a steady supply of the body’s happy hormones as well as keeping the muscles toned and ligaments and tendons flexible for interesting sex positions.  Don’t forget — sex is exercise, too!

Needing a little extra help with lubrication or libido is normal at any time in a woman’s (or man’s) life, especially if she’s (he’s) under a lot of stress.  However, there’s no reason to let your sex life go the way of the dinosaurs when a few changes in your nutrition, daily habits, and health can turn it all around.

No sex because of menopause?  Ha!  Sexual freedom, here we cum!

trish

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DailyOJ 01-26-13, Part 1: Morning Arousal & Orgasm Diet Regimen


woman-fingering-clit-mons-pubis-editedThis morning, I awoke knowing that I’d been dreaming, with a vague recollection of the dream, who was there, and that it didn’t seem to be a dream I needed to remember.  I started to roll over from my side to my back. As I did, my legs opened up, and I instantly felt the throbbing sensation of arousal, and I knew I was really, really wet.  I’ve had some issues with being wet — or lack thereof — fearing that now that I’m 40, it’s all down hill, and thinking back to my younger days when I was so wet, my ex used to complain I’d get too wet during sex.

Using a couple of fingers to feel what was going on, my outer labia were swollen, hot velvet, and my inner labia were thick and hot and wet, just as they are after a series of delicious orgasms… maybe I orgasmed while sleeping (wouldn’t be the first time)… though I don’t know why I would have — the dream was in no way sexy or sexual.  Smearing the juices all over my clit and labia felt amazing, and I thought, “What did I do?!”

Last night, I had my nipple-gasms and my stealth clit-gasms but nothing penetrative or even too hands-on.  All touch was light, barely brushing-the-skin caresses, gliding my fingers across my skin.  And I drifted off to sleep on a cloud of full-body orgasms that left me feeling light and floating, as opposed to feeling tired the way manually “worked for” orgasms can drain energy.

Then I thought about what I had eaten yesterday.  I thought, “That must be it!” Just going over in my head what I ate and drank, I could see that I had had more Omega 3-rich foods and remembered this same super-wet phenomenon had happened before when I went “over” what the “experts” say should be consumed in one day.

No one really knows what is too much, but someone somewhere decided 2,000 mg was enough.  I need at least 4,000 mg per day.

My food consumption for yesterday was as follows:

  • Breakfast – 1 cup almond milk with 1 tablespoon chia seed (which has 1,250 mg Omega 3), a couple small pieces of turkey sausage cooked in organic coconut oil, and 4 scrambled (cage-free) eggs (250 mg Omega 3 each) cooked in butter.
  • Lunch – vegetarian fare at the Hare Krishna restaurant: 1 cup of an amazing dahl (soup), 2 cabbage pakoras, an oatmeal cookie, and tea (brewed with cinnamon, clove, and something floral).
  • Dinner – sweet potato candied in butter with a dash of sea salt (OMG delicious!), 3 potstickers cooked in grapeseed oil, and sauteed organic Romaine, with my super awesome dipping sauce.
  • Other – I drink about a gallon of water each day, and yes, I had some Diet Coke. While at the computer, I ate some bittersweet Ghiradelli chocolate chips, and throughout the day, I took 4 of my fish oil capsules which have 1,060 mg Omega 3 each.  And of course, I went out walking a few times to get my Vitamin D.

So, all totaled — 1 T chia seed, 4 eggs, and 4 fish oils = 6,490 mg just in Omega 3, and that doesn’t include the Omegas of the grapeseed oil, coconut oil, chocolate, and anything else I had. My food was mostly vegetarian.  The water I drink is tap water, but I always drink it cold over ice — I’m not a hot-beverage person.  (Side note:  I recently realized I have an ice fetish… must be an Irish thing…)

Clearly, Omega 3′s, chocolate, and water are the key to being super wet — for me, anyway.

Feeling how super wet I was, I just played in the juices for a while.  They felt wonderful. I made a mental note not to allow stress to deter me from paying attention to my health anymore.  Some days, I get so annoyed with things I want to pull my hair out, and I forget to take my fish oil or I don’t drink enough water — then I wonder why I’m not as wet as I used to be….  Being 40 doesn’t have to mean being a dried up ol’ prune! My vagina’s hydration level is most definitely related to my hormone levels and my water intake (since vaginal fluid is derived from blood plasma).

Needless to say, I definitely decided to have a morning O session — both hands on and alternately in, and it was spectacular! With the other sessions I’d had this week with the glass toy, my hands were ready for an old fashioned blended-O series of orgasms. It really, truly was amazing.  I was breathless and speechless and in awe.  The lava flow was incredible.

Afterward, I just lay there, exhausted but exhilarated, no crying (but that was perfectly fine), with my hands on my torso, my arms supporting my breasts. I felt this strong throbbing, as if my heart were beating out of my chest.  I looked down to see it was my right breast — she felt as if I had another heart inside the breast herself because I could feel my breast “beating” against my arm.  Weird but cool.  But weird.

That faded, but it was a long while until the after-O’s calmed down.  And I was still so very wet…

I stayed in bed for a while, then heard the crowds setting up for the Mardi Gras parade, so I decided to get up and get my caffeine before the parade stared.  I went about my day, and it was a great day…

Until…

* Read Part 2 *

trish

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Anatomy: Female Ejaculation and Woman’s Ability to Conceive


Female Ejaculation - Prostate Orgasm Up CloseI came across a great site about yoni and all things Tantric for women and emotionally secure men.  The blog is by a Tantrika/Dakini who is the “real deal,” not one of the so-called “urban tantra” bullshit artists.  However, the following comment one man left on her blog shows just how little is still known about women’s anatomy and sexuality in popular culture thanks to women’s sexuality being vilified by misogynist religion and ignored in Western medicine and academia, while superstitions and myths are still rampant.

(Note:  Misspellings are left in.)

i am just curious about one thing if stimulation is done aftifically with fingers on G spot its surely making pleasure for woman but does it keep woman healthy enough to be fertile and gave birth to kids after such an act. my question is can woman still conceive or become pregnant if she is ejaculating with fingers on G spot or it odes affect its reproductive system?

(XXXXXX)

I just posted this response, and so far it hasn’t been approved — fingers crossed, it will be. :-)

Dear (XXXXXX),

You seem to be more concerned with your masculinity and virility than the woman’s pleasure. Your patriarchal, misogynist ego will be pleased to know that the female prostate’s ability to induce full-body/wave orgasms and secrete prostatic fluid has nothing to do with the viability of the woman’s eggs. If you’re concerned about being able to conceive, go get your sperm count checked before assuming any conception problem’s are the woman’s fault.

trish

Seriously.  A woman ejaculating isn’t birth control… If it were, almost every woman between the ages of 15 and 50 would be drenching the sheets — every day, twice a day!  (But please don’t let the GOP Republicans think it’s birth control ’cause they’d just criminalize that, too.)

Guys… female ejaculation is a beautiful thing.  The biggest concern you should have with helping a woman ejaculate is can you drink it all up so her love nectar isn’t wasted.

I’ve covered this all before, but let’s go over the basics of female ejaculation:

  • All women should be capable of ejaculating.  Fear of urinating is what usually stops a woman from ejaculating even if the stimulation techniques are correct.  (Other  issues that can contribute to a woman not ejaculating include being dehydrated or the emotional/psychological issues from past sexual trauma.)
  • Female ejaculate is NOT urine.  It is prostatic fluid and mostly glucose, hence its sweet flavor and labeling by the ancients as the “nectar of the gods.”
  • The amount of fluid released will vary from woman to woman — from a couple tablespoons to a couple cups of fluid, and can vary from release to release, even within the same sexual session.
  • If a woman feels pressured by her partner to ejaculate in the first place — much less burst forth a specific amount, this can activate stress hormones and prevent her from getting wet at all — even though vaginal fluid is a different cocktail than prostate fluid.

Are we clear on this?  Women experiencing mind-boggling pleasure is actually healthy  for the woman physically, emotionally, psychologically, as well as sexually.  Loving the vulva and vagina via yoni massage is one of the most beautiful  ways you can show a woman respect sexually.  And, at the risk of making men paranoid in the other direction, being able to help a woman ejaculate is super  manly!

If your woman already ejaculates on her own, ask her to show you how she does it so you can see what  she does and how  she does it.  Don’t help!!!  (Unless she asks you to.)  Just be there to lap up the delicious juices.

trish

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DailyOJ 07-07-12: Scent of a Woman… and the Sweet Nectar of Vagina Pie


In the South we like to eat a dessert called by various versions of the name, “Chess Pie.” As with most dishes, the recipe is slightly different depending on the region you’re in, but mostly it’s a very sweet dessert. Where I come from, we call it “Chess Chewies” because it’s baked in a 9″ x 13″ cake pan rather than a pie plate and cut into small “bars” rather than wedges.

The recipe I was taught only has 5 ingredients: yellow cake mix, melted butter, eggs, softened cream cheese, and a criminal amount of confectioner’s sugar. When people ask for the recipe, I tell them the 5 ingredients. They look perplexed. “It can’t really be that simple,” they are thinking as they take another bite, smushing it around in their mouths to masticate every morsel and decipher the hidden riddle of flavor I must be keeping from them. Invariably, they ask me if there’s lemon in it. No. Coconut? No. Pineapple? Nope. Such is the mysterious, sweet, but rich flavor profile of Chess Chewies… as I make them anyway.

Recently, I experienced quite a surprise while playing in my vagina.

Because I’m obsessed with vaginal health, I frequently do finger checks of my lady’s loins. Working from home, I can wash off after going to the bathroom so I’m in a constant state of fuckability. And if I get the urge, I’ll do a finger check then to see what’s happening inside during the daytime. In the shower each night, I do a check to make sure the vaginal fluids and prostate fluids look and smell right. *** I only use my finger inside my vagina — A clean finger and water — that’s it! NEVER soap or ANY cleanser! And I NEVER douche! ***

Vaginal fluid is clear and slick, but prostate fluid is creamy/opaque and can seem a little sticky. (I would say it’s actually more “tacky” feeling than sticky, but I don’t want people to think my vagina is tacky. She’s beautiful! :) ).

Anyhoo, I’m well acquainted with the look, smell, viscosity, and taste of my fluids during the day, at nighttime, during arousal, and after orgasm… and yes, there is a difference in both fluids depending on the kind of orgasm and how many I’ve had. I can’t describe the smell, per se, I guess you just have to know what a happy, healthy vagina smells like — I wouldn’t call it “earthy” and certainly not “musky” (who thought that name up anyway?!). But it is definitely my smell, and I love it.

Best of all, I love holding my hands over my nose after I’m done with orgasms and just inhaling the scent which is even more complex because of how I use my hands during the arousal process.

I’ll start with my right hand on my clit, dipping a finger just inside the inner labia to moisten and go back to the clit. Then I’ll finger inside to get the prostate and the “spots” warmed up. When I can feel the spots emerging from the vaginal walls and the prostate swelling and its texture changing from roughly smooth to more ridge-y, my right hand goes back to my clit or I’ll start massaging the inner labia with my fingertips. Eventually, when I’m ready to get this show on the road, my left hand goes inside to tend to my prostate and spots, while my right hand stays on the clit with long strokes or barely-there touch/circles. Occasionally, I’ll dip the right hand in again to get more fluids for the clit, and well, it feels good. :) But by that time, the in-and-out thrusting of my left hand is bringing plenty of fluid up to the surface for my right hand to coat my clit with.

I can feel the change in the fluids as they get thicker, heavier, and I can even smell them from there. As I near the first blended orgasm, I feel the clitoral cuff tighten (incredibly so! I almost can’t fit my two fingers in, but somehow I manage). And through the orgasms, the fluids keep coming, and I go until my hands simply can’t do anymore — my natural propensity is to bring my hands over my head during orgasm, so working my lady’s loins proves to be an enjoyable battle of wills between my hands that want to bring more orgasms and my mind that is too far gone to think logically and strategically about hand positions.

After the orgasms, my hands are covered in various states of vaginal fluids. The right hand has more of the pre-arousal and mid-arousal fluids and smells, while the left hand is saturated in arousal juices and the fluids that gushed from my vagina and prostate during the orgasms’ many contractions. Each hand smells differently and in different places — the palms smell different than my fingers. As I hold my hands up to my nose, covering my nose and mouth, I inhale deeply. I cannot believe how delicious this smells! Even better is the knowledge that no matter how many times I wash my hands that day, my orgasms will still be embedded in my skin, and I can revisit my orgasms in my memory by just holding my hands up to my nose and breathing in.

So recently, I have been having some interesting experiences with various styles of orgasm, and one day, about a month ago, I brought my hand up to my nose during the arousal phase, and recognized the smell instantly but it wasn’t a usual odor for my vagina. I did a double-take — or a double-whiff. And sure enough, I was smelling “Chess Chewies!” I’ve always loved how I smelled, and the Kama Sutra describes women’s vaginal and ejaculatory fluids as “sweet nectar of the gods,” but I never actually smelled like a dessert before.

I know that what you eat affects the smell of sexual fluids in both men and women. And I’ve been working hard to lose weight, so my food habits are a bit different. But to actually smell like Chess Chewies was awesomely weirdly awesome. I thought this must be a fluke — maybe that doughnut binge was seeping sugar into my vagina?! Except that this is what I have smelled like ever since — Chess Chewies!

The real test will come in a day or two. I started my period Wednesday, and here on Saturday, I’m on the last day of spotting. The smell is okay, but it’s metallic due to the blood. I can only hope that the dessert smell is a permanent fixture of my vagina. I mean, I already love her so much, can she possibly get any more incredible? I guess so!

And yes, the thought did cross my mind, that if I constantly taste and smell like dessert, my future partner won’t mind if I make hourly oral sex a rule of the relationship… Right???

Aroused and sweet,

trish

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DailyOJ 11-18-11: Sex Fluids Info Requested


November 18, 2011

(* In response to another question about fluids during sex.* )

You might watch your water intake so the bladder isn’t really filling up so quickly.  But remember the female prostate is linked to the urethra — the prostate drains into the urethra as well as secretes fluids into the vagina.  So it may actually be the lubricant/ejaculate plasma not urine, even though you have that urge to urinate and do release fluid after your orgasms.  And even if it is urine, so WHAT?!  Enjoy! :)

But the thoughts I had this morning, is that do men have such trouble with a full bladder and an erection?  One former partner wouldn’t do morning sex without first a trip to the bathroom, which I totally understood — except he would spend more time in the bathroom trying to “talk down” his morning erection just to urinate, and then focus to get the erection again.  I think the fear men have is urinating instead of or just after ejaculating.  While I understand the “ewwww!” factor, the vagina is decidedly acidic with a pH of 3.8 to 4.5, and urine is sterile anyway, so it’s not like it would actually harm anything if urine came out… another reason for keeping towels handy.

In ancient cultures, all these fluids were viewed as sacred. So whatever the body does during arousal and orgasm is cool with me… as long as I don’t look fat doing it. :-)

P.S. I’m looking up the Arvigo abdominal massage… sounds awesome and oh, so, timely for our world of couch potatoes and sitting-at-the-computer addicts (like me!).

Tonight: KSMO 20-minute practice session… may try not touching the clit… or do She-spot massage :) … AND tomorrow, I’m going to my first active participation with my new Kelly Howell Kundalini CD.  I’ll post my results, to see if I feel that serpent energy slithering up my spine. :) … would be delish if my prostate can hold that arousal it’s been dishing up lately and have some chi raising up into my chest/breast area… hmmmmm…

Aroused and journaling,
trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s Daily O.J.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


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