Awakening Sexuality & Activism for Women's Rights

solo sex

Review: Immortal Jade Glass G-Spot Dildo 10-Inch


The newest addition to my collection of toys is the Immortal Jade Glass G-Spot Dildo 10-Inch. While I really like the glass prostate toy I already have, the Jade caught my eye and has now won my heart… or at least, my prostate’s undying devotion.

My main problem with most toys (of any material) is the lack of a handle.  Knowing my vagina will lengthen to about 5 inches at the absolute most, I thought the Jade would give me plenty of length to hold on to for ease of use.

Choosing to get the Jade was based on several factors.  The toy is curved, so it would definitely stimulate my She Spot (what I call the G-Spot) as well as the rest of my female prostate.  The end is bulbous so it covers more surface area than a fingertip but is still smaller than a penis head.  The glass is super easy to clean and keep hygienic, and the Jade is also suitable for anal play.  One major reason for getting the Jade is to finally achieve full female ejaculation.

The Jade is slightly heavier than I’d thought it would be, but using it does not wear out my wrist or my shoulder.  Due to the curve, holding the toy at a specific angle is not necessary — it reaches the prostate on its own.  The Jade is only 1.5 inches at its widest point — the bulbous balls at the end of the “shaft.”  I couldn’t get the fist “ball” inside me, but feeling it at the opening of my vagina felt great.

The shaft has perpendicular glass ridges that seemed to stimulate my perineal sponge while the tip worked my prostate.  Nothing can replace the feeling of being filled by a penis (or my new penis toy), but the Jade seems to hit several spots simultaneously.

The three times I’ve used the Jade have been deliciously wonderful experiences which I’ll write up soon in a DailyOJ post.  I can say that the orgasms seemed to keep going, and the sounds I made were… unique.  When the orgasms began, I didn’t throw my arms over my head as soon as I usually do, meaning I could keep using the Jade to stimulate more orgasms.  For the after-O’s, I felt a strange “rippling” effect in my prostate that I don’t remember feeling before — ever.  As the full-body orgasmic waves kept hitting all over, microcosmic waves rippled and rippled at my prostate.  While I have not ejaculated in gushing form, I did did produce a lot of fluid during the session that flowed out continuously from the mid-way point onward.

For a prostate toy, the Jade is an excellent choice for many reasons.  Frankly, I can’t think of any other prostate or glass toy I will need for a while.  Perfect for the male prostate or female prostate, vaginal or anal play, the Immortal Jade Glass G-Spot 10-Inch is a great choice for your next toy.

trish

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DailyOJ 03-01-13, Part 2: New Toy Brings a Clear Vision


Copyright 2013 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.

Cernunnos-blue-face-hands-edited*Read Part 1.*

The fourth time with the new toy was a mixed, weird, confusing experience.  Suffice it to say, this guy requires lube — lots of lube.  I had already done a blended orgasm with my new glass toy (more on that later) to prime my vaginal opening, get the juices flowing, start stretching the vaginal muscles inside, etc.  As before, the head took a couple of tries to fully enter, and as the head/corona passed my prostate, I felt a slight sting, but it wasn’t as bad as the first few times.  I thought, “Great, I’m adjusting to him.”  Then feeling the shaft enter, I was breathless again at the feeling of being so very filled and stretched.

Since I’d started my session early, around 10:30 a.m., I felt no rush to finish with Bob.  In fact, over the next couple of hours, I would do a round of sliding him in and out slowly for about 15 minutes, then pull him out, and relax in a blissful stupor for another 20 to 30 minutes, having nipple orgasms, sheet orgasms, clit and spontaneous O’s, then I’d reach for Bob again for another slow and easy go of it.

Each time, I did not bring myself to climax with Bob, just enjoyed the orgasms from the slow and steady pace and the occasional hard and fast thrusting and pulling out to float in that bliss for a while, then starting it all over again.

Around 2 p.m., I began again, knowing I was wet from the other orgasms, I didn’t lube Bob this time.  I noticed, he wasn’t moving as smoothly as he had before.  I needed some lube.  Then Stupid Me showed up and totally screwed this whole experience up.  The feelings in my vagina were the same as when I endured friction sex while married.  Though my ex-Asshole isn’t nearly this wide, he hated me getting too wet.  This dry, friction feeling was then “familiar,” and being a little lazy, I thought I’d just put up with it because I really wanted the great orgasms I’d had the other few times with this toy.

Every time Smart Me said, “Man, I need lube,” Stupid Me overruled that inner voice with, “You put up with it when you were married, put up with it now and finish.”  As the friction got to be too much, Smart Me won the debate, and I put a little bit of lube on the toy and re-inserted.  I felt immediate stinging, more stinging, then being filled by the shaft, and then a surge of heat — not in a good way.  I continued on, now that he was properly lubed, imagining my Dream Man, and long story short, I finished.  Yes, the orgasm was great… but it was… weird… but it was beautiful… but weird.

I felt a strange emotion — yes, I cried, but there was something else.  During that last bit, I had a realization of just what this toy represented for me.  The images and feelings conjured during this session were so intensely powerful, I instantly knew who he was.  The experience had become emotional during the session, and now, afterward, I wanted to give him a name, a sacred name.  And I did.  And I cried some more.  I lay there for a while in my reverie, feeling a new awareness of completeness.

Knowing I needed to get up, I realized my fingers felt a bit strange, so I looked at them.  My hands were covered in blood.  I wasn’t on my period.   I looked at the toy, and he was bloody, too.  I got up and went to the bathroom and opened my legs up to the full-length mirror.  My labia and thighs were bloody, and I had an immediate flashback to when I was raped at 21, after which I bled for 4 days.  I remembered a couple other times I bled a little after friction sex.

As it so happened with this fourth time with this toy, I bled that night and the next day, but that was it.  I have not noticed any blood or change in vaginal discharge.  I never felt any pain, aside from the uncomfortableness in the moment of the “friction sex” before I re-lubed the toy.

In fact, in the couple days since, today now being 03-03-13, I have enjoyed all my usual orgasms and my new gentle-touch prostate orgasms.  Everything is functioning perfectly.

Which leads me to an esoteric interpretation… In the very emotional moments of that last part of the session, I had a very clear vision of my Dream Man.  He was absolutely clear to me.  He is a feeling and an energy.  I knew him so well, I called him a sacred name for the very first time, and I subsequently bestowed that name on the toy who is his physical representation for me.

Blood has a life force.  Blood used to be an important part of rituals and taking oaths.  To this day, Christians symbolically ingest the blood of Jesus when they participate in the ritualized cannibalistic practice of Communion/Eucharist.  As a pagan witch, considering who and what this energy/feeling began to represent — my Dream Man, I’m not surprised that blood would have manifested as a sort of initiation with this new, clear vision — a consummation, as it were.

And yes, I know I sound crazy — I’m an artist, I always sound a bit crazy.  Most people are so keyed in to the physical side of sex or climax, they miss subtleties of energy or awakenings that may be present.  This vision I saw is no different than imagining a scene in one’s mind to help the arousal process along, but the difference here is that he appeared to me, and I knew him instantly.

Esoteric interpretations aside, I will have to see how using “Bob” (no, that’s not his sacred name!) goes tomorrow or the next day.  I did not bleed the other 3 times, so I’m hoping that with plenty of lube, Bob and I will be hunky-dorey in our future rendezvous sessions.

Seriously, though, this experience was powerful for me, and though the blood had me a bit worried for that day, I’m hoping it was just a fluke… or an initiation.

Aroused and pondering the possibilities,

trish

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DailyOJ 03-01-13, Part 1: Introducing My Newest Toy to My Inner Sanctum


Copyright 2013 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.

yoni-vulva-labia-iris-flower-peachRecently, I wrote a mild-mannered review of one of my newest additions to my orgasm accoutrements, the Adam PleasureSkin Cock.  I tried to keep the review on point, but I wanted to elaborate a bit here.  I’ve now used this toy 4 times, so I can adequately recommend this guy with some hindsight and careful considerations — though, I still whole-heartedly recommend this toy for those who are experienced large toy/large penis aficionados.

The toy, which I’ll just call “Bob,” is made of “PleasureSkin” and has an insertible length of 6.5″ and a width of 2″.

I was concerned that 6.5″ would not seem like that much as the shortest real penis I’ve ever had was 8″.  Noting that in the Amazon reviews, a few women (and a couple men) mentioned how long it took to get the thing in, I definitely went slowly and used more than my usual amount of lube.  I also spent extra time beforehand on yoni massage to warm up the skin around my vagina’s opening since a large penis can stretch the flesh uncomfortably (read:  excruciating pain!).

The conical head slid in part way, then stopped.  I brought him out, then tried again, giving an extra little push.  There was slight pain — more like a stinging sensation — at the anterior wall where my prostate is.  My first thought was, “I’m surprised the pain isn’t at the fourchette (the “bottom” of the vaginal opening), so I must have done enough yoni massage — good.”  My next thought was, “Anything that upsets my prostate gets thrown in the dumpster.”

It took 3 very slow tries to get the head in, each time stinging.  Once the head was in, the shaft did not have the same effect on my prostate, so I proceeded.  I made the mental note that a prostate-based orgasm before using this guy might not be ideal since my prostate swells with fluid and the tendrils of the prostate “poke through” into the vagina during arousal.  (That feels much better than it sounds!)

Once in, I was taken aback by just how full I felt.  Like other reviewers, I thought the sheer width of this thing had issued me a challenge, and I was determined to win.  It took a good 10 minutes of repeatedly slow, methodical entry and withdrawal for me to get this thing even a few inches in.  And even after using “Bob” 4 times now, I haven’t gotten him more than about 4.5″ inside.  (Yes, I felt like less of a woman because I couldn’t take any more of him in.  I must have more issues to deal with.  Dammit.)

The width is absolutely delicious.  In fact, just thinking about how this thing feels inside…. I… I………. I……… OH MY FUCKING GOD, YES!  This is the most wonderful-feeling toy I have ever tried!!!  Even more than the feeling of the toy inside was the feeling of the toy between my fingers of my right hand as I slid him in and out with my left hand.  This toy absolutely feels like a real penis to the touch.  Even running my fingertips over the balls was so incredibly familiar, I began having a surreal moment in which I didn’t have to imagine a man in my man’s eye, this thing made the man come to life in my body and my mind.  To say nothing of the sensation of the balls against my butt… delicious!

I moved my hand over my clit, and she was swollen like I’ve never felt her — my entire mons pubis seemed more swollen than ever before.  With my hand on top of my mons, I could actually feel the different parts of the toy as he slid in and out — especially on the out.  Bringing him all the way out with a little “pop” sound, my clit and mons pubis felt the same as when they’re normally aroused.  Once he was back in, she was so swollen again, I was amazed on how full she felt from the outside.  I tried to focus on both feelings at once — my full clit and the gentle push past my labia as he re-entered… I couldn’t focus on both.  It felt too good to focus on any one thing, actually.

The first time I used him, I experienced a huge climax.  I was left emotional, crying, panting, writhing, back arching, legs kicking out, until another round of orgasms hit, and I was moaning all over again.  Finally, I couldn’t maneuver this thing anymore, and my hands went up over my head, and more emotion, more crying, breathless panting, and uncontrollable writhing.  Then began the after-O’s, a series of progressively smaller orgasms that usually last about a half hour that eventually taper off to simple hip movements and glutes clenching, until even that subsides, and I’m in a type of vertigo bliss.

The second time I used this guy, I made the mistake of changing my hand position in the middle of the hard thrusting — instead of just holding it, I tried an over-hand hold to lessen the weight on my wrist.  Big mistake.  Changing technique in the middle usually spells disaster for arousal, and sure enough, I felt the instant drain of sensation as my nerve receptors switched gears.  It took a couple minutes holding it the regular way to get back to that level of arousal and then finish. I made the mental note not to make that mistake of changing in mid-stream again.  The climax was fantastic, though.

The third time I used Bob, I spent over 15 minutes just moving him in and out very, very slowly.  I cannot describe how sublime this felt.  (I don’t think most men appreciate the slow approach or slow sex, which is a darn shame.  This was heavenly.)  My inner labia grew even more sensitive to the feel of him as I progressed, until the nerve endings in my labia were all lit up, giving extra sensation to the motion.  But he was getting heavy in my hand, and I knew I wanted to finish fast and hard.  I almost hated speeding up because I could have stayed in that “neutral” zone for hours, however the bliss was electric and emotionally stirring.

The fourth time with him was a mixed experience… and completely unexpected…

* Read Part 2. *

trish

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Anatomy: Female Ejaculation and Woman’s Ability to Conceive


Female Ejaculation - Prostate Orgasm Up CloseI came across a great site about yoni and all things Tantric for women and emotionally secure men.  The blog is by a Tantrika/Dakini who is the “real deal,” not one of the so-called “urban tantra” bullshit artists.  However, the following comment one man left on her blog shows just how little is still known about women’s anatomy and sexuality in popular culture thanks to women’s sexuality being vilified by misogynist religion and ignored in Western medicine and academia, while superstitions and myths are still rampant.

(Note:  Misspellings are left in.)

i am just curious about one thing if stimulation is done aftifically with fingers on G spot its surely making pleasure for woman but does it keep woman healthy enough to be fertile and gave birth to kids after such an act. my question is can woman still conceive or become pregnant if she is ejaculating with fingers on G spot or it odes affect its reproductive system?

(XXXXXX)

I just posted this response, and so far it hasn’t been approved — fingers crossed, it will be. :-)

Dear (XXXXXX),

You seem to be more concerned with your masculinity and virility than the woman’s pleasure. Your patriarchal, misogynist ego will be pleased to know that the female prostate’s ability to induce full-body/wave orgasms and secrete prostatic fluid has nothing to do with the viability of the woman’s eggs. If you’re concerned about being able to conceive, go get your sperm count checked before assuming any conception problem’s are the woman’s fault.

trish

Seriously.  A woman ejaculating isn’t birth control… If it were, almost every woman between the ages of 15 and 50 would be drenching the sheets — every day, twice a day!  (But please don’t let the GOP Republicans think it’s birth control ’cause they’d just criminalize that, too.)

Guys… female ejaculation is a beautiful thing.  The biggest concern you should have with helping a woman ejaculate is can you drink it all up so her love nectar isn’t wasted.

I’ve covered this all before, but let’s go over the basics of female ejaculation:

  • All women should be capable of ejaculating.  Fear of urinating is what usually stops a woman from ejaculating even if the stimulation techniques are correct.  (Other  issues that can contribute to a woman not ejaculating include being dehydrated or the emotional/psychological issues from past sexual trauma.)
  • Female ejaculate is NOT urine.  It is prostatic fluid and mostly glucose, hence its sweet flavor and labeling by the ancients as the “nectar of the gods.”
  • The amount of fluid released will vary from woman to woman — from a couple tablespoons to a couple cups of fluid, and can vary from release to release, even within the same sexual session.
  • If a woman feels pressured by her partner to ejaculate in the first place — much less burst forth a specific amount, this can activate stress hormones and prevent her from getting wet at all — even though vaginal fluid is a different cocktail than prostate fluid.

Are we clear on this?  Women experiencing mind-boggling pleasure is actually healthy  for the woman physically, emotionally, psychologically, as well as sexually.  Loving the vulva and vagina via yoni massage is one of the most beautiful  ways you can show a woman respect sexually.  And, at the risk of making men paranoid in the other direction, being able to help a woman ejaculate is super  manly!

If your woman already ejaculates on her own, ask her to show you how she does it so you can see what  she does and how  she does it.  Don’t help!!!  (Unless she asks you to.)  Just be there to lap up the delicious juices.

trish

FURTHER READING:

LINKS:


Anatomy: Male Prostate ~ the Male G-Spot


Male Prostate ~ from Wikipedia commons

Male Prostate ~ from Wikipedia commons

The male prostate is a gland about the size of a walnut located in the male anus.

The prostate creates prostatic fluid that mixes with sperm from the testicles to form ejaculate.  Once aroused, the male prostate has a texture like that of a walnut, similar to how the female prostate takes on a ridged feeling when aroused.  Moving your finger back and forth (i.e., wagging your finger, or like a windshield wiper), you should feel the two lobes of the prostate — the gland is bisected by the urethra running through the middle of the prostate, just as the urethra runs through the middle of the prostate in women.

The prostate can be accessed indirectly, from the outside at the “sweet spot” on the perineum, or directly, inside by using a finger or sex toy in the anus.  Experimenting with your prostate does not make a man gay.  In fact, anal play, prostate massage, and prostate milking can be a very delicious part of a heterosexual couple’s lovemaking, especially in the form of slow sex and sacred sex.

In Tantra, the male prostate is considered the male “Sacred Spot,” just as the “G-spot,” aka the Goddess Spot or Sacred Spot in women is located in the female prostate in the vagina.

Also in Tantra, the male prostate is considered to be the emotional center for a man in regard to his genitals.  More than a few men, who have allowed a partner to do prostate milking on them, claim the prostate orgasm is the strongest, most intense, most emotionally moving orgasm they have ever experienced.

Many men who do prostate massage on a regular basis cannot fathom going back to their old orgasms.  Common testimonials for these men also include the prostate orgasm is a “soulgasm,” and opens their hearts to their partners in ways they could never imagine before.

As with any anal play, safety precautions should always be followed to prevent the transference of fecal bacteria from the anal area to other body areas.

Condoms should be used on any sex toy that is inserted, and fitted latex gloves or finger cots can be used on the fingers to avoid having to wash your hands before fingering yourself elsewhere or fingering/touching your partner, as well as to avoid getting bacteria in a cut on the fingers.

Use lots of lubricant and massage the external anal sphincter completely to warm up and stretch the skin before trying to enter the anus.  Silicone lube seems to work best and last the longest, but it is notoriously difficult to clean up afterward.  Also, silicone lube will degrade the latex of condoms, so use only water-based lubricant or natural, unscented massage oil if using latex condoms.

The prostate can be a delicate gland.  Direct stimulation should be slow and gentle at first to see what kind of pressure you like.  If there is any pain, STOP.  If there is any blood in your ejaculate or urine, see your healthcare professional.

PLEASE LEAVE A REPLY with your questions or detailing YOUR experiences (men and women).

trish

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AskTrish: Stop Ejaculating and Have Multiple Orgasms Already


Chakra-aura-orgasm-energy-systemA little something different from the usual AskTrish post

While posting pics on my ArousedWoman Tumblr page, I came across a post on another Tumblr page in which a querent (I’m assuming male) asked:  “when i masturbate and i hit orgasm once i cant have another one why not ? am i doing something wrong ?”  The moderator responded: “no, not everyone is capable of multiple orgasms, that’s just the way it is…”

That is absolutely NOT TRUE — not even for men!

Ejaculating is a reflex, but it is a controllable reflex of the sympathetic nervous system.  Semen is ejected due to contractions by the bulbospongiosus muscle.  On a subtle body/spirit level, ejaculate is comprised of life force energy, and it takes an inordinate about of physical energy to produce and expel ejaculate from the body — hence the reason a guy is usually exhausted and needs a nap afterward.  Ejac expends energy, causing fatigue for the man.

In women, stimulating the clit, which is synonymous to the penis, gives a localized burst of tension release at the clitoris, but any kind of vaginal orgasm (prostate/She Spot, cervical/uterine, AFE, PFE, even perineal sponge) creates full-body waves of bliss that flow and flow and flow, like waves that repeatedly crash against a shore.  The clitoris is wired to the spinal cord via the pudendal nerve, but the vagina’s main nerve is the vagus nerve which bypasses the spinal cord and plugs directly into the brain.

Knowing how the body works physiologically helps in integrating the subtle energy body with the physical body, which leads to orgasms that literally blow your mind and everything you thought you knew about your body or orgasm.  Conjuring orgasm via an energy-based practice with the help of a little anatomy know-how creates orgasm experiences that feel like Big Bang explosions in your core and your head — not localized to just the genitals.

Orgasm is a response of the parasympathetic  nervous system.  Orgasm increases energy.  Many people use climaxing for muscle tension release before bed so they can get sleepy.  However, orgasm in an energy practice gives and expands energy.  From the Greek word, orgasmos, orgasm literally means “to swell.”  Orgasm is NOT the end of a sexual experience but one amazing part of the journey.  The end isn’t even “climax” but bliss, altered states of consciousness (no drugs needed!), awareness, and connection to self, your partner (if applicable), and the Universe.

ALL woman AND men are capable of multiple orgasms — FOR HOURS, days, weeks!  Live your whole life in an orgasmic state of energy bliss… Why not?!

People need to STOP the myths and lies about what is possible in orgasm.  ‘Cause I guaran-damn-tee MOST people have never experienced even an inkling of what orgasm can be.  They grew up jerking off to skin mags and probably learned most of what they know about sex from watching the fakery of porn and memorizing the stupidity of magazine sex quizzes while standing in line at the store.

They should stop giving advice and read my fucking blog already!

trish

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NEWS: Raising $$$ for ArousedWoman Radio & Forum!


This is a quick note to let everyone know that I am taking the bull by the horns and starting up the Radio show and Forum that I’ve been wanting to create for a while now.

So many people ask me if I do podcasts, and I have to tell them, yes, but not yet for AW.  Well, that’s changing!

While we dream of Utopia, running a radio show and hosting a forum is not free.  It costs money for the licensed platforms even when the daily toil of maintaining each is based on sweat equity.

AW Radio will cover all aspects of the AW raison d’etre  including Women’s Sexuality, Women’s Rights, LGBT, Survivors of Abuse, Religious Freedom, Indigenous Rights, Environmental Issues, Healthcare, Anti-Circumcision/Body Autonomy issues, and more.

The AW Forum will provide a safe place for like-minded individuals and orgs to talk about issues, recovery, and more importantly, foster solutions to put into practice. The Forum will be membership-based (to keep out the crazies) at $14.95/year, with a portion of the proceeds being donated annually to 2 organizations as voted on by the Forum community.

For more info on the Radio show as well as the Forum, visit my GoFundMe page I’ve started.  Donations are securely processed by either WePay or PayPal (your choice!).

Be sure to check out the REWARD that accompanies each donation level, and make a TAX-DEDUCTIBLE donation if you can.

Thank you!

trish


AskTrish: SexEd Teacher Wants to Overcome Shame on Issue of Masturbation


I teach SexEd for 15 / 16 year-olds. I usually manage to have an open atmosphere and we discuss all different topics openly (I even created an experiment how condoms react to different lubrications). Where I have always failed was the topic of masturbation.  I think it is a very important topic, but how could I overcome the shame issue? Any ideas?

trantor1970

Dear Trantor1970,

This is a wonderful and timely question!  This issue resonates with me not only because of ArousedWomanBlog, but also because my teenage daughter is taking SexEd right now in high school.  As someone who loves sex and being sexual, I think everyone should have honest, non-judgmental information available to them.  As a mother, deep inside, I’m a little freaked out that my baby is learning about sex anywhere  much less at school.  Thankfully, we’ve had chats about the vagina and her body before this.

I’m not sure if you teach in a public or private school, but for now, I’ll assume it is a public school.  Since you do condom experiments, it sounds as if you have a good rapport with your students.  This is very important when tackling the hard issues, such as masturbation.

The shame of masturbation is intrinsically tied to the misogyny and oppression of religion.  Any sex that was not partnered and heterosexual was demonized by the Church and other patriarchal religions centuries ago.  Extra-marital sex, homosexual sex, and solo sex were all frowned upon because legitimate (male) heirs could not be born from these forms of sex.  (The Church and Western culture just love their male heirs.)

Another kooky aspect of religion is the notion that the body belongs to “God,” should be put to use for “God’s work,” to do “God’s will.”  This medieval mental hogwash strips the notion of body autonomy from the start — the person is a vessel; the person does not have a right to his or her own body because it is owned by a deity in the sky.

As a public school teacher, this line of thinking presents a problem because of the topic of religion.  For a parochial school teacher, talking about religion may be more easily allowed, but truth about sex, masturbation, birth control, et al, may not be told in a private religious school.  However, it is  religion that forms the basis for the enduring shame of sex, birth control, and abortion — a pernicious misogyny that has sunk its talons into government as well.

Not  talking about religion when talking about any of this is strange to me, but I’ll leave that soapbox alone for now… (except to say that I get irate when my daughter tells me they were talking about religion in her public school.  I have the ACLU on speed-dial, and I’m not afraid to contact a teacher or principal to find out the exact curriculum being taught to my child.)

As I told my daughter when she was 13, “Your body is yours to explore as you choose.”  Leaving religion out of the masturbation dialogue, I would approach it this way.  Start by not using the polarizing, giggle-inducing word, “masturbation.”  Call it “Solo Sex.”  By using a different term, it allows the listener to actually contemplate the information rather than falling back on emotional, knee-jerk reactions.  Notice, in the paragraph up above, I used the term “extra-marital sex” and not “adultery.”  The latter term has a more grave, more judgmental, shameful, sinful connotation (thanks to religion).

Make your points by positioning the conversation in a logical way with supportive arguments:

  • Your body is yours to explore as you choose.
  • Solo sex is natural and normal.  (Perhaps give examples of other species that masturbate.)
  • Solo sex is a great way to learn about your body, your specific erogenous zones, and your individual sexual response.  (Each of us is unique.  How will a partner know your zones if you don’t know what to tell him/her about your body?)
  • Solo sex is a great way to sort through the raging hormones and experience orgasm without engaging in partnered sex before you’re really ready.
  • With solo sex, you won’t get pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted disease.

Even then, students may ask about the religious aspect, i.e., “But won’t I go to Hell for touching myself?”  I would say, “I’m here to teach you about your body not religious dogma.”  Removing religion and the subsequent cultural attitude helps lesson the shame of the issue.  The shame from religion stems from the Church’s quest to control every ounce of a person’s mind, will, body, and soul, especially that of women.  That was how the Church leaders stayed in power and made money.  Puritanical American culture has continued this misogyny against women through body-shaming, name-calling, and other cultural forms of judgment based on a woman’s sexual freedom with her body.

The most blatant and vicious assault on women was the European and New World witch trials.  Forget the myths of hexes and magical mojo — Did you know that “witchcraft” was officially a capital sex crime?  Ironically, other countries look at America with ridicule because of how immature our country still is in regard to true, passionate, fulfilling sex… (but sexualized violence and rape are okay in American media, video games, comic books, and culture).

For me, masturbation is a body autonomy issue, a basic human right, as is protecting children from the violent sexual abuse of having their genitals mutilated (notice, I didn’t use the word “circumcision” — it’s all in the phrasing).  When we acknowledge our bodily autonomy, we acknowledge our inherent freedom as human beings.  People masturbate for various reasons:

  • Solo sex and orgasm feel good (awesome, even!).
  • A person may have solo sex because he or she does not have or does not want a partner… (Believe it or not, there may be times in your life when you don’t want another person in your bed.)
  • A man or woman’s significant other is unable to have partnered sex due to illness or disability.
  • Solo sex allows a sexual abuse survivor to reclaim his or her body, sexuality, and bodily autonomy.

Masturbation is the butt of jokes in television shows all the time, which I find to be truly sad.  Masturbating can be a beautiful way to love yourself and to learn yourself.  For me, solo sex has been the key to resolving my past abuse, loving my body, integrating my various parts to become a whole woman, and ergo, a whole human being.

I hope something I’ve said will help you.  Please write back and let me know how it went!

trish

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Clit Stimulation: What’s In It for Men?


Since discovering OM (Orgasmic Meditation), one of my biggest questions has been “Why would a man want to do OM?”  If the OM touch is all about the guy stroking my clit for 15 minutes, what does he  get out of it?  Why would he  want to focus is on my clit while his clothes are still on?

The OM team has finally addressed this — seems they  get this question a lot.  A group of men talks about their  experiences as OM-ers — men who actually enjoy  focusing on a woman’s clit for 15 minutes.  They talk on a range of topics from the male perspective of sex, the male ego, overcoming male uncertainty of women’s bodies, and dropping cultural bullshit men adopt just to be perceived as masculine in our society.

They talk about:

  • Dropping the competitive nature of their relationship with a woman.
  • Sex becoming goal-less.
  • Enjoying the moment, not planning the sexual experience — map-less.
  • Getting their pride out of the way.
  • Gaining a better connection to their partner.
  • Being more confident in sex and the relationship.
  • Sex lasting for hours.

Please watch this video, then click the button on the right to check out the OM website.

Happy OM-ing!

trish


DailyOJ 08-08-12, Part 2: Back on the Path


* Read Part 1 here. *

I originally bought the KSMO seminar back in 2006. Life was too stressful, and I never actually did the practice. Fast forward to August 2011, my life was calmer, happier in many aspects, and I was ready to see what all this multiple orgasm thing was all about.  Coming out of a miserable marriage, I was anticipating having sex again… hopefully… at some point… in the future… before I die…. Having never orgasmed during sex, I wanted to teach my body to be multi -orgasmic so I could maybe have one orgasm during sex… at least… hopefully… before I die….

In my KSMO 20-minute sessions, I would caress my breasts for 10 minutes, then my clit for about 5 minutes, then do 5 minutes simultaneous stim of my clit and my prostate. Touching the genitals is not required for KSMO, and in fact, Jack, KSMO’s discoverer, actually recommends not  touching the genitals — to caress other  parts of the body.  But I don’t like doing what I’m told.  Quelle surprise,  I know.

I also never liked the actual timing of the 20 minutes.  Even getting started, I would procrastinate, just enjoying laying in bed and associating the timer with yet another alarm — my life is mostly alarms going off for one thing or another at all times of the day and night, every day of the week.  Scheduling in KSMO had begun to feel like another scheduled chore rather than an opportunity for training my bliss genes.  And yet, if I had not scheduled KSMO, then I would not have done it — by experience, I knew I had to schedule the sessions or they wouldn’t get done.

During the actual 20-minute session, I would inevitably look at my phone’s stopwatch with disdain, thinking, “Jeez, is it 20 minutes yet?  Can I just get on to the jerking off part?”  (Another thing Jack doesn’t recommend — KSMO and sex on the same day.  I rarely obeyed that rule either.)

Resuming KSMO after more than two months off made me a little nervous.  I wasn’t sure what to expect.  I had taken a two-month break in the Spring and was almost sorry I did because of my prostate’s subsequent dwindling super-powers.  But I want to get back into it — to start on the next climb to the next peak of whatever the next threshold might be.  (No, seriously, I’m in non-attachment, I swear!)

I laid in bed for about an hour, enjoying the calm, the CD playing softly in the background, just having some peace to myself.  I knew I was going to do KSMO, but I felt no rush, no schedule to do it.  I couldn’t help having some stealth O’s — after all, they’re now synonymous with my sexual identity.  I can’t prevent the spontaneous O’s anyway.  (Like I would try?! )  But I did not overtly go  for orgasms.  I caressed my body and just happened to enjoy some spontaneous O’s as well.  With several rounds of those out of the way, I figured I was ready for KSMO.  I felt no rush, and surprisingly, no “need” to do KSMO.  I started the KSMO session when I wanted  to start it.  This is a huge leap in my mindset from where I had been just a few months ago!  So I figured I’d do what I had done last Fall since that had worked so well.  And so I began…

First Mistake ~ I brought by hands up to my breasts and as soon as my fingertips touched my pert nipples, I suddenly had 3 concurrent back-arching, knee-raising nipple orgasms.  Damn….  This was how I always started out my sessions, to warm up my clit indirectly and get the energy flowing.  This wasn’t going to work.  On to Plan B.

Second Mistake ~ Plan B.  I reached down between my legs where I brushed my fingertips lightly along the fringe of my inner labia, and a rush of heat washed up my body.  I touched my fingertip to my clit in Om-touch style, and  BAM!  More full-body orgasms, with breathless gasps, torso twisting and thrashing, and hips off the bed.  This really sucked.

How am I supposed to do my KSMO sessions now without being able to touch my favorite spots?

I decided to try what Jack actually recommends, which really annoyed me because I don’t like doing what I’m told to do.  I started a gentle touch to the inside of my left thigh and felt tingles throughout the left side of my body.  I remembered this from before.

Without being able to touch my breasts, my torso felt neglected.  My body actually yearned for touch there.  I used my hands to caress up and down the center of my torso, from my sternum — where I could feel the vibrations of the Key Sound in my chest — down to my mons pubis.  I had never tried this before, and it felt weird to feel the softness of my breasts contrasted with the hardness of my nipples against the insides of my arms.  My arms really liked it.

During the 20 minutes, my mind wandered occasionally, and that was okay.  I was never really far from being fully mindful of my body.  I mean, if I had know the insides of my arms would get turned on by feeling my nipples, I’d have done that 25 years ago!  So I acknowledged the new information, filed it in my head, and moved on.

What I really noticed — and really made me happy — was the lack of negative emotion associated with my mind wandering or my body responding differently that she used to or differently than I expected.  There was no expectation or reward to look forward to.  The experience simply was what it was, and that was all it needed to be.  This is a huge leap for me!  To be more Yin, just accepting of the experiences as they happen, not processing them immediately, just experiencing them — experiencing them without the mind fuzz of guilt, regret, disappointment, or schedule-envy.  Whatever happened was okay.  I listened to my body and let her  lead.  I paid attention to my body so she  could teach me what she  wanted, what she  needed, explore what she  was now able to do, feel where she  wants to go next.

At the end of the 20-minutes, I was relaxed and fully sated in the experience of self-exploration, mindfulness, and non-attachment.  I did not feel the emotion of being “glad” it was over.  Quite simply, the session was complete, and I was moving on to the next phase.  So, then the rest is pretty mundane….

Fucked Sparkles, had boisterously loud orgasms, cried, blah, blah, blah…

Aroused and back on the path,

trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s Daily O.J.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


DailyOJ 05-18-12, Part 2: Double-Dipping, Echoes, & Out-of-Body Heartgasms


* Read Part 1 here. *

So my body was buzzing from the early morning’s activities, and I did my duties for work (theatre writing) and continued plotting my domination of the world via Musical Theatre.  My 12:30 p.m. alarm announced it was time for KSMO practice, and after a few snoozes o’ the alarm, off I went to hit the shower before hitting the bed to enjoy my second helping of orgasmic bliss.

I did my 20-minue KSMO practice, trying to do the single caressing (epic fail, I like constant caressing — go figure!), and still trying to get the vocalization just right.  While having sex (solo or partnered) is not recommended on KSMO practice days, I was just horny.  And the morning’s session had left me wanting the vaginal O part of a blended orgasm.

To stimulate my prostate, I started with the glass wand.  I have had some amazing developments with the prostate stimulation.  Though the clit is known for producing sudden, heated, fireworks, the She Spot (G-Spot) is known to be a slow-burner of arousal — deceptively slow, incredibly deep, full, filling arousal.  For me, the vaginal stimulation now brings this full-body, core arousal much more quickly than it used to.  (So ladies, if you’ve never done prostate stimulation because you’ve heard it takes a long time to get aroused, give it a try on a regular basis.  Your body will probably “calibrate” to this stimulation and start getting aroused more quickly with steady practice!)

Some of the 18 distinct parts of the Clitoris.

With my prostate warmed up, I started the simultaneous clit stim.  Since starting KSMO, I can use a lot less stimulation on my clit.  I may start off with circles, but I usually end up doing long strokes from just above the clitoral hood down to the outer labia.  Nowadays, I’ll often start with some OM clit fingering, and that really gets those clitoral nerves humming. And frankly, my clit was sore from this morning.

I switched to my penisy vibrator (sans vibration) so I could rock out my A-Spot.  Because I’m already extremely aroused, the fullness of the vibrator hits all the “spots” and “zones” in the vagina. And I shudder, a full-body shudder.  (Actually, I think it’s an orgasm, a full-body O as the vibe goes in, but  that’s just my perception of it.)

Public service announcement: Guys, THIS is why you should spend 15 to 30 minutes on “foreplay”!  Once aroused, there isn’t a spot in the vagina that isn’t ready to orgasm with a little extra love.  Doing this will help bring up the horrible statistics that about 70% of women NEVER orgasm during penetrative sex!!!

During the journey to orgasm, I noticed I kept stopping all stimulation.  I have no idea why.  I didn’t plan on this or consciously decide to stop.  It just sort of happened.  My body seemed to know what it wanted and how it wanted it.  I would stop both hands momentarily just to feel the effects of the stimulation.  For some reason, I kept doing this — both hands stimulating, pausing to feel, stimulating  pausing, feeling… over and over and over.  Each time, I moaned,a little higher pitched than usual — I even had the observationist critique of “Gee, I sound cheezy!”  But I didn’t care.  This letting the body take over was new for me, and it was delicious!  Each time while pausing, I could feel sensations bubbling up and expanding not into orgasm (at the moment) but brewing something bigger, thicker, deeper.

The orgasms were incredible, and I had the thought at that moment, that I would hate to see what I looked like during this frantic madness.  No orgies for me!  :P

Normally, the post-orgasm emotion begins 5 to 10 seconds after the orgasms, and even then, the emotion/tears begin softly, quickly building in intensity to full-out crying, then fading. Usually afterward, I wind up laughing at myself because I feel kind of ridiculous over the whole thing.  (Jung might say I’m in ego, but after letting loose, moaning, howling, and crying, I think getting back in ego might be a good thing so I can get on with my day!)

Today, the emotion hit instantly.  In fact, I was barely through the last orgasm when the crying erupted from me, forcibly bringing up emotions from my core.  I know uterine orgasms are emotional, but this was raw and primal.  I felt emotionally pummeled.  I have no idea where it came from.  I can only surmise that the catharsis of writing my breasts article and the subsequent good response touched me or knocked loose something that needed to be — could only be — released through deep, full-body, full-emotion, body/spirit integrated orgasm.

Now, I usually am so relaxed or so exhausted by this point that I doze off into a light sleep.  I’ll doze about 15 minutes, roll over, and doze another 15 minutes.  I’ll then lay there to feel what’s going on in my body — usually, echoes are still going on.  For me, I define echoes as the after-orgasms — possibly a series of orgasms in their own right — that are contractions of the genitals and lower core: vagina, anus, cervix dipping down, clit throbbing, blood pulsating through the inner and outer labia, even my lower abdominals, and definitely my glutes still clenching, etc.  I’ve noticed my hips will continue to rock well after the orgasm spectacular is over.  These echoes/contractions go on for a half hour to an hour.

Today, I fell asleep almost immediately.  I think I was emotionally as well as physically exhausted from the session.  Not to mention the 90-minute session I’d had earlier that morning.  (And people wonder why I won’t work out at a gym?!)  But this was no light snooze.  This was a hard sleep.  In fact, I slept for over an hour.  When I woke up, I looked at the clock and would have jumped out of bed if I’d had the energy.  Which was another strange feeling — normally I feel energized and buzzy at this point.  But not today.  I was tired.  And I had a weird feeling in my chest wall.

I first experienced heartgasms last Fall.  Sometimes, people feel heartgasms as sudden happiness that makes them clutch their hands to their heart, or they feel as if an orgasm has just happened IN the heart area.  My heartgasms were/are similar.  Mostly, I feel a sudden buzzing in my chest wall/rib cage, as if my inner/astral me is trying to burst out of my physical body and go back to the spirit plane.  (If you’re not into astral stuff and don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ll have to explain this in another post.)

What I felt today was a strong tug-of-war between my body and my inner/astral me that was trying to escape, to return to the spirit plane, or at least the Land of Orgasm.  If I were a 60 year-old man, a smoker, or ate fried foods, I might think I was having a heart attack.  Glad it was just an orgasm! :P

This tug-of-war happening at my chest wall/rib cage went on for hours.  It was less intense once I had to go back to pretending I’d worked all day long and did other responsible stuff.  :D  But the sensations were still there.  And in my genitals, I stil had the feeling of the bubbling up, expanding, full, hot, pulsating, buzz, and echoes.

I don’t like this in-between feeling.  I want to definitely be somewhere — definitely here or definitely there.  Though I guess if I’m definitely there, I’d be dead.  Another insight into why the French term for orgasm is “la petite mort” — the little death.  And maybe why we keep returning to arousal and orgasm to experience the Other Side if only briefly.

C’est la vie.

Aroused and somewhere,

trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s Daily O.J.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


DailyOJ 11-16-11: New Sensations


November 16, 2011

So the topic I’d like to start with is the sensations I’ve started having in the past couple of days.

I’ve had strong feelings/sensations in the spongy female prostate area. This is made more noticeable since it’s near the bladder and wraps around the urethra. I always empty my bladder before sex so that when that area (home to the She-spot!!! :) ) is aroused, I know for sure that I don’t need to go to the bathroom.  Stimulating this area makes me have that feeling of needing to urinate, but when I know I don’t need to, I can feel through the feeling and enjoy where it goes rather than clamp down/suppress the feeling.

In the past couple of days, I have felt this area be swollen even though I haven’t done any clit/vaginal stimulation since Sunday morning. When I have gone to the bathroom since then, it’s been exceedingly pleasurable (overall waves of arousal, spine-tingling from the prostate area up to my scalp, goosebumps on my arms, etc.), which is not something I normally experience when urinating…. (and no, I don’t have a UTI (urinary tract infection).  There is no discomfort, pain, odor, or color to my urine or my vaginal fluids.

Truth be told, when I was doing some solo sex this morning, the feeling to urinate was so strong, I thought I might ejaculate, something I’ve always wanted to do.  But I hadn’t laid out any towels, so I kinda hoped I wouldn’t.  I didn’t, but the orgasms this morning were some of the best ever.

By the way, I started with the 20-minute KSMO, then 30 minutes of solo sex, hands only first time around so I could feel the changes in the She-spot/prostate area, but wanted more O’s, so I got out the vibrator (but didn’t turn it on).  I felt the pleasurable feelings during urination again later, but not since.

Anyhoo, I didn’t know if anyone else has experienced this, or if guys experience this with their prostate gland, etc.

Aroused and sensing,
trish

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s Daily O.J.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


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