My hair has been a distinguishing feature of mine since I was a child. Hair stylists naturally gravitate to my tresses and touch my hair without asking. But these guys are almost always gay, and they’re more interested in my hair than me, so I never really minded them.
However, on too many occasions to recount, I have been standing or sitting, minding my own business, only to feel something strange happening to the back of my head and realize some stranger was groping and fondling my hair. From a guy at the mall when I was 12 — who wound my hair around and around his arm and said, “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself”, to which I replied, “Oh, yes, you could have!” — to a creepo, sleazy, fat guy with one tooth at the circus who operated one of the rides, men are drawn to my hair. An artist wanted to paint me nude because of my skin tone and my hair. Because of these experiences over the years, my hair is definitely one of my sensitive spots. These creepy follicular invaders somehow had the nerve to get offended that I was offended that they were touching and stroking my hair. They would guffaw and sneer, “What do you care? It’s just hair. It’s dead.”
Newsflash: As long as my hair is attached to my head, my hair is a part of my body and is off-limits to anyone unless I personally give permission for a person to touch my hair. Period.
People are taught that hair is dead. Sacred teachings say it is not. In the ancient culture of the tribes of Ireland, Scotland, Gaul, and other European pagan traditions, hair was very sacred. Most people never cut their hair; they let it grow their entire lives, for to cut your hair (nonchalantly) was to cut off your power. In some instances just before major battles, some warriors might cut their hair as a sign of sacrifice to the gods, for blessing in battle. They may also cut their hair while mourning.
The head was sacred to the indigenous tribes of pagan Europa. The head is where we think, see, hear, smell, taste, talk, sing, kiss — all of which are extremely important to every person. In fact, the head was so revered that warriors would take the heads of their enemies to prevent their power from transferring with the deceased to the Other Side. If you’ve ever seen a depiction of the great mother goddess Kali from the Sanatana Dharma teachings, you know the head is a prized possession in several cultures.
Samson, from the Judeo-Christian bible, owed his considerable strength to his hair. Some American Indian tribes have traditions that involve cutting their hair when a loved one has died. Keeping the hair long is part of many yogic traditions that go back thousands of years. The hair is thought to be like “antennae” to the surrounding environment, able to pick up on energetic vibrations, useful, informative sensations that are then transmitted to the brain. Even beards were required of scholars in academia and holy men in some religions.
So hair has always been a very conscious matter to me…. The Broadway musical included.
Note: I’ve never had a lucid dream, and the one dream in which I actively controlled what happened was a real doozy. Oftentimes my dreams are like films, and at an important moment, I’ll get an extreme close-up, zoom-in shot to hone in on what is important.
I had already had my dreams for the night, gotten up to go to the bathroom, and gone back to bed, only to lay in bed for over an hour unable to fall asleep. Sometime after that, I dozed off and had this dream.
I was looking into a mirror that was in my bedroom closet, brushing my hair with my hands. Suddenly a clump of hair came out into my hand. I was understandably upset. My hair is one of my signature features. More hair fell out. I went to my bathroom to look in the bigger mirror, and my hair around my ears and the back of my head was gone. Suddenly, a zoom-in, close-up showed my scalp, and the hair was cut close to the skin, but it was obvious that it had been cut, i.e., with clippers.
I was instantaneously back in my bedroom looking into the mirror in my closet, and I was completely bald. But I wasn’t upset. In fact, I ran my hand over my bald scalp and smiled.
When I woke up, I was confused and slightly worried. Losing hair so drastically is usually a sign of severe illness such as Diabetes or thyroid dysfunction, or worse, the effects of cancer treatment such as chemo and radiation. I have dealt with my hair thinning out due to my thyroid dysfunction, but I’ve been able to regrow my hair now that I have my thyroid and insulin response under control thanks to a superb product. And I would never do chemo or radiation if I had cancer, so I knew that this was not a precognitive dream, showing me a scene from my future (as I sometimes dream).
Having been immersed in the ballet world growing up, I know a ballerina in rebellion will cut her hair. Remember when Rosie O’Donnell got her famous haircut and the media crucified her? I’m not G.I. Jane or Sinead O’Connor. I wouldn’t look good bald. So I consulted the wonderful world of Google for some dream meanings to make sense of this dream that threatened to rock my body and cranial image.
Losing one’s hair in a dream spells gloom and doom according to some interpretations (particularly the religious interpretations). But my dreams are never as concrete as many of the standard interpretations anyway, and I quickly found several interpretations that resonated with me and my current situation.
Losing power was associated with losing hair throughout the various interpretations, but they also noted that the hair that has fallen out (or been cut off) represents something you no longer need. So losing a clump of hair could be a sign of getting rid of something that no longer serves you or an end to a stressful time of your life. They also mentioned that losing hair to the point of baldness could signify a whole new chapter in your life because when you get rid of all that doesn’t serve you, you are left with a blank canvas — a bald head, in this case — to start over. They note that being bald was seen as a sign of wisdom in some ancient cultures, as priests and sages would shave their heads to show they were on a path of knowledge and wisdom. The best explanation said, “You are at a stage in your life where you are confident in fully exposing yourself.” Hmmmmmmm…..
One important thing was whether the hair was falling out on its own or was cut off. My zoom-in, close-up, Mr. DeMille shot clearly showed that my hair had been shorn off with clippers. In effect, I was purposely getting rid of things that no longer served me. I was purposely on a path to greater knowledge and, hopefully, greater wisdom.
I can only go by what I felt when I woke up. And with this dream, though I was a little shaken at seeing myself bald, I did not have any bad feelings upon thinking about the dream. This was one reason I didn’t freak out … like I did after the time I dreamt of all my teeth falling out. Yikes!
This dream is accurate in my opinion. Since I’m still processing my Congressional run and getting my personal life and my self back on track for what I should be doing with my life, I can see how this is a good dream to have. My existence will be uncomfortable as I move forward and let go of the things (and people) that do not enrich my life or my work, but the path (to knowledge and wisdom) is most definitely a path I want to take.
Tonight’s show of ArousedWoman Radio featured the topic of meditation, and my guest was my friend, Beverly, who practices different types of meditation.
She shared her personal experiences with Vipassana and Transcendental Meditation as well as yogic-based meditation such as a Kundalini practice. We also talked about focal point and guided meditation styles. I related my experience using bi-aural brain-wave entrainment CD’s.
Check out the replay here on AW Radio, then leave a message below telling me your experience with meditation — why it has or has not worked in your practice.
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- Take the ArousedWoman Orgasm Questionnaire
The Topic o’ the Day on Twitter seems to be the New Year and how we want to make changes in our lives. Followers of ArousedWoman know that arouse means “to stir to action, to awaken”, and I am very pleased that so many people seem truly intent on making 2014 a great year, personally and collectively.
For me in 2014, I am really focusing on integrating all my different pursuits into a more cohesive, holistic path. This is mainly because I feel like I’m being pulled in a hundred directions and not accomplishing anything. For 2014, I have set out a plan to streamline what I do, how, and when (even while planning big projects for ArousedWoman, due out in February!).
The first step to making change for many people is to get rid of stress. Here’s a simple way to start weeding out the bad and incorporating good influences in your daily life.
For the New Year, make a list of all the TV shows you watch, including the news and any politics programming. Count how many shows deal with murder, violence, and negativity. If you really want to get stress out of your life, get some of the violent and negative TV shows (including the news!) OUT of your daily life.
The news is a fear-mongering tactic to keep people in a state of panic. Ditch the news. Remember that all of the media in North America is owned by only 6 companies. Are you actually getting the truth anyway?
I know, I know, you love these shows! A lot of people do. That’s why most television programming deals with murder and violence — IT SELLS! It inundates our collective psyche. And it undermines our individual goals and dreams. GET RID OF IT!
A lot of people are accustomed to watching hours of TV and then the news before bedtime. It’s no wonder so many people complain they can’t get a good night’s sleep. You’re filling your energy field with all that fearful negativity and then entering a dream state;. Your subconscious self has to filter out and deal with all that crap you spent hours feeding it. It’s like gorging on a Thanksgiving feast and then having to walk 10 miles — how can you move after you’ve stuffed yourself full? This is what you’re doing to your subconscious self right before you go to sleep when you watch 2 to 3 hours of cop shows and bitchy reality TV followed by the news. EVERY. NIGHT.
When you stop watching all these negative shows (and movies!), you will go thru withdrawal, but you’ll be okay. Exercise. Meditate. Read. Embroider. Draw. Paint. Sing. Dance. Spend an hour or two just talking and spending time with your partner — AWAY from all electronics and portable, disruptive devices. Communicate. Make love.
Make a plan to divest yourself of negative influences and replace each one with a positive influence. And be patient as you adjust.
I promise you’ll be happier.
Is menopause the wilting stage for women?
Menopause is a WONDERFUL time for women sexually! It’s the first time in a woman’s life that she can have true sexual freedom, knowing she can have as much sex as she wants and she can’t get pregnant. Menopause is FREEING for women! (Of course, safe sex measures should still be practiced to prevent sexually transmitted diseases.)
If a woman monitors her health, especially her hormones, women can enjoy sex right up till the day they die. Hell, orgasm would be a great way to die! :-) Just slip right on over to the Other Side since you’re already there anyway.
We enter the physical body for a reason — to have physical experiences. One of the most joyous physical experiences is the sexual experience, whether partnered or solo. As someone of Gaelic (Scotch-Irish) descent, I follow the path of my ancestors — we are spirit beings here to have physical experiences while maintaining our connection to the spiritual side. So I’m enjoying the ride as much as I can. :-)
* EXTRA*: Use of synthetic hormones, i.e., synthetic Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), is now associated with increased risks of cancer in women. Some women prefer using plant-based progesterone, which is a pre-cursor to both estrogen and testosterone. Testosterone is required for a healthy libido in both men and women. Too much estrogen is not good for either men or women.
Avoid getting extra estrogen from your food, such as unfermented soy which pervades the American food supply and is very high phytoestrogens. Unfermented soy products include soy milk, soy baby formula, vegetable oil (soy/soybean), soy yogurt, soy cheese, soy creamer, soy ice cream, tofu — and any product made from tofu, etc. Fermented soy products can be beneficial (as are all fermented foods), such as tempeh, miso, and tamari (real soy sauce).
Being healthy overall is required for a healthy vagina (or male prostate). Get adequate amounts of vitamins and minerals from your foods and/or quality supplements, plus healthy saturated fats, Omega-3′s, etc., and stay AWAY from processed foods. Buy organic, locally-grown food whenever you can. Eat seasonally-grown foods. Be able to source all your ingredients. While on the course of improving your health, if you don’t make it from scratch, don’t eat it.
Being healthy will help minimize the symptoms of PMS and menopause — and YES, men do have hormonal fluctuations each month and later in life when their libido may drop due to declining health or bad dietary habits. That is, men should be able to get and maintain erections whenever they want, regardless of age. Erections are a direct result of a man’s health.
One of the side effects of menopause is vaginal dryness, or not making as much natural lubrication as a woman used to. In fact, women can experience vaginal dryness at any age, especially if she ingests a lot of caffeine or other dehydrating substance, but a lessening in the production of vaginal juices can be common from the age of 40 onward. Regardless of age, the vagina will let you know when she is lubricated enough for penetration. Do NOT confuse a woman being aroused for sex with her vagina being ready for sex. (Yes, men, this takes 15 to 30 minutes of “foreplay”. Get over it.)
To avoid vaginal dryness and lack of libido, drink plenty of water each day — an ounce of water per pound of body weight. Eat lots of veggies — I love my Franken-Salad. Also, eat lean protein and complex carbs. Whether or not you’re gluen-free, vegetables actually have lots of carbohydrates in them. Eat healthy saturated fats such as macadamia nuts or other nuts, and get plenty of Omega-3′s from eggs, fish oil, and/or chia seeds. Cacao (dark chocolate) is also great for boosting libido.
Menopause is NO reason to stop feeling sexy! Use nutrition to supply your brain and body with peak quantities of the nutrients they need to function, with plenty left over for extracurricular fun-ctions like sex and orgasm. Moderate exercise, such as walking, yoga, or dancing, is always great for maintaining a steady supply of the body’s happy hormones as well as keeping the muscles toned and ligaments and tendons flexible for interesting sex positions. Don’t forget — sex is exercise, too!
Needing a little extra help with lubrication or libido is normal at any time in a woman’s (or man’s) life, especially if she’s (he’s) under a lot of stress. However, there’s no reason to let your sex life go the way of the dinosaurs when a few changes in your nutrition, daily habits, and health can turn it all around.
No sex because of menopause? Ha! Sexual freedom, here we cum!
That was random I know, but you share so much about your life and experiences that I wondered how you were doing in the areas that you don’t speak about. You have every right to say nothing. I just enjoy getting a better understanding of the woman behind the blog.
What do you like to do in your spare time, when you’re not being a sex guru or a mom? What do you hope to achieve in the next year, 5 years or 10 years? What is something that no matter how upset or angry you are always manages to make you smile or at least smirk? If knowledge is power, when it comes to the content of your Aroused Woman blog, how powerful do you feel?
All hail Queen Vagina!
You’re sweet! :-) A few posts back, I announced that I was branching out with ArousedWoman(TM), re-focusing on “Awakening Sexuality Through Mind, Body, & Spirit.” So I’ll be posting lots of new topics and crazy wack-a-doo posts that I feel are relevant to my growth and that I hope are interesting to my readers.
As you can see from my “random post” on astral travel, that experience had a profound effect on me — not just my perception of what’s on the Other Side, but experiencing what actually is and is NOT on the Other Side confirmed for me many “beliefs” in regard to humanity, religion, society, etc. My beliefs-turned-knowledge affect me sexually (i.e., there’s no hell and certainly no “sin” as classified by controlling religious dogma), the experience of pure love (I know what I’m looking for when it comes to love, I won’t settle for anything less, and love has to be felt — it can’t be intellectualized or rationalized, i.e., If I love him enough, he’ll change, so I’ll love him really hard and work to change him into the person I want him to be.), and other concepts I’m still integrating even after the 9 or 10 years since the experience.
Which brings me to my “spare time”… Just yesterday, in fact, my daughter asked me, “Just what do you do during the day?” And I had to tell her the truth. Not much. I’m a Libra, a mind-candy person. I’m a creator. It’s difficult for me to actually finish anything because once it’s complete, it’s over — I can’t mind-candy it anymore. But my creative works have to be completed if I’m gonna earn a paycheck and feed my child.
I spend most of my time reading, learning, experimenting, walking, cooking, cleaning, washing dishes, meditating, pondering, writing, tweeting, doing laundry, working, walking, composing music, looking at the trees, studying leaves, watching squirrels and birds interact, more reading, more research, more questing, listening to the wind, being witchy, brewing concoctions, making cool witchy stuff, doing web design for new clients, creating different workshops, textile design, writing, writing, writing, tweeting…
I don’t have “spare time” in that I do what I love for a living (theatre), and I’m currently working on 2 new training certifications, after which, I’ll go for 2 more. (I’m already certified in yoga and Pilates.) Because I do what I love, I don’t earn a lot of money — I live simply and have found that to be rather wonderful. I go to bed every night thoroughly happy with my life. I wish there were more time in the day, but I know I used the time I had to enrich my life, provide for my daughter, and enjoy being in this meat-suit while being amazed at the beauty that is around me.
It can be surreal sometimes. I’ve had people say, “Wow, you lucked out writing for a living.” No, I was in the performing arts for 36 years, I’m an award-winning composer, I hosted a radio show that had 27,000 listeners worldwide (that I put on hold to start ArousedWoman and fight the idiocy of the GOP during the 2012 POTUS election), and I have something to say. I created my “luck” by working my ass off and paying my “dues.” I earned my right to write for a living.
Currently, I’m creating an online course on Musical Theatre training topics, I’m starting a new project (a magazine), and I will get back to my theatre radio show soon. I’m also going to teach some health workshops in my local area to help supplement my income. I’m also working on the ArousedWoman cookbook, and I’m creating my orgasm training method (which will be in beta testing soon for anyone who wants to contact me to participate in it).
I’m still trying to get the AW Forum going and still raising money for ArousedWoman Radio, to interview guests and answer people’s question in real time. But that is slow-going. It will happen in its own time, I guess.
Most of my time is spent on personal growth, getting healthy, and growing my experiences sexually, sensually, tantrically. I want to be a complete human, not a shell of a human in the rat race of society, as so many people are. I want to help others get out of that kind of life — to help them make a better life for themselves, get healthier, find some kind of peace in this crazy world — to see that happiness in self and happiness in life are connected. I want to help people overcome their PTSD with sexual trauma. I want to help others see beyond the hypocrisy of religion, politics, and government — that all that bullshit doesn’t really matter — and if it does matter to you, then don’t just complain, actually get off your ass and do something about it.
I want to help people get off the lie that is the insensitive Western medical system which is being undermined by the pharmacological industry. I want to inspire others to get back to the “beauty way,” back to Mother Earth because the livestock and dairy industries are killing our planet and our bodies. We are not separate from the earth — the earth isn’t just the thing under the sidewalks and asphalt — the earth is our food, our air, our water, our home, our reason for incarnating to this physical plane. If the living biosphere of the earth weren’t so important to us, we would have incarnated on Mars or somewhere else. Duh.
I want people to take back their power to heal themselves without fear of criminalization from the oppressive forces in control of our society.
I want women to take back our rightful place as healers, warriors, judges, peacemakers — as we were before patriarchal misogyny made women property, whores, and household slaves.
Where do I want to be in 5 years? Hopefully, I will have finished my Bachelor’s degree in Transpersonal Psychology from Sofia University and will be nearly finished with my Master’s in Women’s Spirituality. After that, I may take 2 years to study Sanskrit at St. John’s University in Arizona. And of course, 6 years from now, I hope to have completed my work to be an official teacher of Tantra. Essentially, I want to be able to keep a roof over my head while helping others.
I used to think this life was too long. In the past century, we have tripled our life expectancy. Why? Wasn’t 35 years of war, struggle, famine, disease, and natural disasters enough? Now, we have to endure this for 72, or 85, or 105 years?! Now, I see that even that long is not enough. This is a great time to be in a meat-suit on the physical plane. It is a truly wondrous time of change, and we’re a part of it. The past century — this past year! — has seen the rise of women and the awareness of human rights that is 2,000 years overdue.
I just want to do my part to “Be the change.” In my own particular brand of “random,” witchy, artistic, holistic, bohemian, awakening, loudmouth IrishLava. :-) But understand, we really can’t change other people; we can only change ourselves and be the example of change we hope to inspire in others.
Here’s a consult I did tonight over Twitter — yes, Twitter. See! Consults are conveniently arranged via phone, Skype, or even Twitter. Sure, you can ask me a question for an AskTrish post, but it can take a while (read: months) to get an answer posted due to the number of questions I receive. To schedule a consult — especially if your question is time-sensitive, just contact me via the Consult page on my website.
NOTE: I know this client, so some info on his background, health, etc., were not covered in this Consult. In this Transcript, Twitter typos have been fixed. Permission to use was granted by the client, who is represented by Q (Querier).
Q: I have had sex with 2 women in the past 3 months. I have had problems before but moved past it. The first few times I sleep with a woman, I can’t climax, and I have a hard time staying erect. I can’t focus, and all I think about is if she is enjoying it and I just totally suck. LOL
T: You’re putting too much pressure on yourself!
Q: It has been that way since I first had sex.
T: There are tell-tale signs a woman is enjoying sex that you can look for. Read my post on “The Face of Orgasm.”
Q: I feel that way and think about her because I have a hard time staying hard. It just stays semi and like floppy, it’s bigger so it’s harder to control when not hard.
T: You need to read my blog more often. Seriously. Orgasm is NOT the same as ejaculation. You can orgasm for hours and never even get an erection. Read my rant on “Have Multiple Orgasms Already!”
A “floppy” penis is actually normal for a larger penis. Even getting hard, a larger penis may not stand at full attention and has nothing to do with your arousal level. If you’re getting anxious, that triggers adrenaline, which affects the brain, breathing, and triggers the fight-or-flight reflex, as well as releases stress hormones like cortisol.
Q: Yeah, that’s how I feel, I’m nervous the first few times. I don’t enjoy sex and can’t come close to climax. After the first 3 or 4 times, I’m good.
T: What changes by the 3rd or 4th time that you can actually enjoy sex?
Q: I think I finally get comfortable, get used to her feel, her movements, I guess.
T: How does she react those first few times? Does she say or do something that makes you feel less “manly” or just inadequate? Or does she go out of her way (or maybe overboard) to boost your ego?
Q: I have never asked. Some women don’t come back. Those that stick around like it. I just feel embarrassed, and it gets worse each time.
T: Are you drinking alcohol? On any meds, legal or otherwise?
Q: There have been times when this has happened that I had been drinking and it happened. Most times, sober.
T: Alcohol is a social norm, but terrible for sexual response! But even sober, you’ve had enough bad experience with this that you’re talking yourself into being anxious even if you’re not realizing it. Sex with a person the first time is always a little nerve-wracking. And if a woman doesn’t understand that, she’s not for you anyway.
Have you told the women up front that you’re nervous? That you focus on the woman so much you sometimes don’t climax, and that’s okay with you? As in, you are focused on HER, and not yourself. That you just want to be with her?
Q: I never have said anything.
T: Ah… Communication is paramount. This is why one-night stands and at-the-bar hook-ups can be difficult for some people. They don’t feel comfortable talking about such things. You have to talk to the woman.
I also think you should begin some yoga or meditation exercise that helps you with stress and anxiety. You don’t need alcohol or meds to help with this, IMHO. Learn to control your breathing, which actually affects your brain, hormone response, and nervousness.
Q: How do I go about starting the anxiety control?
T: Contact a yoga or meditation teacher in your area. You want to find someone who is experienced in yoga (hatha, ashtanga, tantra, kundalini) — some tradition that is REAL yoga, not New Age… especially if you seek a Tantra teacher — you need a REAL Tantra teacher, not a New Age one. The purpose of the breathing meditations is so you get into your body to control the reactions you’re having to stress…
Q: I see, I never thought of that. I will do that! So how do I go about being intimate the first time?
T: Dude, you’re jumping ahead here! You’re not ready to have sex yet.
Q: LOL I see that!
T: Of course, I teach this as well. :-) But you need a teacher that you can learn from w/o having sexual attraction to — like a man… (Not that you’re attracted to me, that’s not what I’m saying! Just that a male teacher might be better for you.)
Q: Like shadow a man you mean?
T: Learning from a male teacher will have a different energy than if you’re studying with a female (since you’re straight, the opposite would be true if you were a gay man). Since you’re doing this with the idea of great sex being the benefit, learning from a woman might trigger some of that stress.
Q: So what would I learn from him?
T: For starters, a man who’s mastered breathing and stress control would be better able to teach you how to control a penis, from the man’s perspective.
Q: Wouldn’t triggering the stress help me learn to deal with it?
Q: Well, can you help me. Even from a distance, I imagine you can.
T: If you want the male teacher, I can recommend one. And you could tell him about the sexual side of things, whereas you might feel weird talking about this with the average yoga teacher you don’t know, or talking about this with a man you’re afraid will mock you. Finding a teacher you feel completely safe with is crucial.
Q: There is a reason I came to you with this problem!! Okay, you are the master. Thank you.
T: You’re welcome. :-)
These will be separate categories but they certainly intertwine in their importance. Overall health is required for vibrant sexual response — even if you’re not with a partner. You cannot be truly healthy if you exercise a lot but then eat junk food on a regular basis. Likewise, eating a healthy diet but not allowing your body to utilize its full range of motion can adversely affect the muscles, tendons, ligaments, even your bone density and skeletal frame.
There is energy transference from the food you eat; and if you ingest unhealthy, “dead” energy, you are unhealthy, “dead” energy. The body can mask the mounting long-term effects of eating the Standard American Diet (SAD) until it seems too late. However, no matter how old you are or how long you’ve been out of shape, it’s never too late to revamp your approach to your health. After all, erections and orgasms require happy muscles and healthy blood vessels!
Your approach to balancing your overall health should include stress-reducing practices such as moderate exercise and meditation(!!!). No New Age woo-woo stuff here, people. Science is finally catching up to what yogis have known for millennia. Meditation is very good for you! Not only is meditation great for your mind, but it is also beneficial for your body by increasing oxygen intake, lowering blood pressure, and controlling stress hormones.
On the short list for topics, I will be discussing diet choices for aphrodisiac nutrition, primal/paleo vs. vegetarian/vegan, vitamins and minerals supplements, as well as fitness tips for functional strength/resistance training, flexibility, and range of motion, and other lifestyle choices that will keep your body in optimal orgasmic health. This summer, I hope to begin a video series on all this as well.
You only have one meat-suit, people. Take care of it while you’re using it this lifetime. :-)
The male prostate is a gland about the size of a walnut located in the male anus.
The prostate creates prostatic fluid that mixes with sperm from the testicles to form ejaculate. Once aroused, the male prostate has a texture like that of a walnut, similar to how the female prostate takes on a ridged feeling when aroused. Moving your finger back and forth (i.e., wagging your finger, or like a windshield wiper), you should feel the two lobes of the prostate — the gland is bisected by the urethra running through the middle of the prostate, just as the urethra runs through the middle of the prostate in women.
The prostate can be accessed indirectly, from the outside at the “sweet spot” on the perineum, or directly, inside by using a finger or sex toy in the anus. Experimenting with your prostate does not make a man gay. In fact, anal play, prostate massage, and prostate milking can be a very delicious part of a heterosexual couple’s lovemaking, especially in the form of slow sex and sacred sex.
Also in Tantra, the male prostate is considered to be the emotional center for a man in regard to his genitals. More than a few men, who have allowed a partner to do prostate milking on them, claim the prostate orgasm is the strongest, most intense, most emotionally moving orgasm they have ever experienced.
Many men who do prostate massage on a regular basis cannot fathom going back to their old orgasms. Common testimonials for these men also include the prostate orgasm is a “soulgasm,” and opens their hearts to their partners in ways they could never imagine before.
As with any anal play, safety precautions should always be followed to prevent the transference of fecal bacteria from the anal area to other body areas.
Condoms should be used on any sex toy that is inserted, and fitted latex gloves or finger cots can be used on the fingers to avoid having to wash your hands before fingering yourself elsewhere or fingering/touching your partner, as well as to avoid getting bacteria in a cut on the fingers.
Use lots of lubricant and massage the external anal sphincter completely to warm up and stretch the skin before trying to enter the anus. Silicone lube seems to work best and last the longest, but it is notoriously difficult to clean up afterward. Also, silicone lube will degrade the latex of condoms, so use only water-based lubricant or natural, unscented massage oil if using latex condoms.
The prostate can be a delicate gland. Direct stimulation should be slow and gentle at first to see what kind of pressure you like. If there is any pain, STOP. If there is any blood in your ejaculate or urine, see your healthcare professional.
PLEASE LEAVE A REPLY with your questions or detailing YOUR experiences (men and women).
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While having a thought-provoking chat with a friend on Twitter, I got a bit of a shock out of nowhere. I’m not shocked easily. I wish I could say I’m not hurt easily, but even after all the crap I’ve been through in my life, my annoying humanity is still intact.
With the ridiculous comment from Rep. Todd Akin about “legitimate rape,” all of Twitter was a-buzz with chatter on the subject of rape. Interestingly, the topic which had started out being on abortion had shifted dramatically to rape, and not surprisingly, society once again placing the blame and the shame of rape on the women — the rape victim.
Out of nowhere, this jerk, “Dan,” buts into the civil convo I was having with my friend @sevenlayercake — though we differ in viewpoints, she and I can have amiable conversations. Whenever a Twitter interloper butts in, I check their bio. This guy was supposedly an “outspoken gay professional.” As a loudmouth Scotch-Irisher and theatre pro, I can certainly handle this guy.
I posted the link to my recent article on my rape — something I have never, ever, ever, EVER told the details of to anyone alive or dead on this earth until I wrote this article on it a few days ago. Why? For the very reason, I didn’t think anyone would believe me. And this jackwad says, “You want to milk your rape for sympathy.”
If this guy is “gay,” then he is the most fervently women-hatin’ gay man I’ve ever met. Gay men usually dig women, just not sexually. Being in the theatre, it’s not unusual for a gay man to ask me how I do my lipstick or to borrow my blouse.
So, below, is the conversation and yet another example of how the War on Women exists — and is apparently spreading to the gay men demographic, which I find to be very sad. :(
In my head, I hear the lyrics to Gloria Gaynor’s anthem:
First, I was afraid, I was petrified…
I will survive
As long as I know how to love,
I know I’ll stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live,
I’ve got all my love to give
And I’ll survive,
I will survive.
It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
Kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
I spent, oh, so many nights just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry but now I hold my head up high.
I will survive.
(Click image to enlarge.)
After a morning spent enlightening the GOP teabaggers on how ridiculous they are (nicely, of course), I once again had the yearning to run away from all this election craziness — this time coupled with an insane desire to join a nudist colony… just to be free of all the status symbols society deems important or even crucial to life.
I commiserated that I haven’t lost enough weight to be naked in front of others in public and was promptly reminded that we women cannot self-sabotage ourselves by heeding the KoolAid of media and culture’s negativity.
So onward I go, through this catharsis that has me by my she-balls.
(Click image to enlarge.)
My Musical Theatre training is probably to blame.
I need even less stim than ever, ironically — one or two flicks of a fingertip, and the orgasms start. They are full-body and oddly satisfying, but my back isn’t arching as much — I can’t even feel my cervix dipping down anymore, or it’s too subtle to notice. The orgasms flow through my body rather than “hit” my body or “explode.” And the ceiling fan is no longer a potential mate.
Whenever a new development occurs, it is usually startlingly noticeable. So very different, so impactful that I have to notice the new reactions my body is having. Then after a month or two, the initial effects fade, or become integrated, and I have to re-learn my body all over again.
But I don’t like starting all over again… okay, it’s not starting “all” over again, but it seems that way. As soon as I learn how to drive this thing, it adds another gear I have to learn to maneuver. In fact, when I occasionally go back and read what I’ve written, I remember the experiences in the post vividly, but it feels like they happened so long ago, that it couldn’t have been just a few weeks ago?!
The couple of times I’ve had the opportunity to use my purple friend (vibe sans batteries) — a couple weeks ago and this morning, a plethora of neighbors has been home in the adjacent apartments. I am now more convinced than ever that SOUND is crucial to bliss. The arousal isn’t as satisfying when I can’t make my loud sounds — not intentionally loud, but just my natural exclamations during the arousal and orgasmic process. And when I can’t be as loud during the orgasms, the orgasms are not as full-filling. They don’t fill up my body. Because my focus is on my body (my voice) remaining inside/ internal (i.e., quiet), the orgasms are localized to the genital and lower abs area but they are not explosive, they are full body wave-like, minus the full body aspect. And they’re not as emotional. So really, I am very annoyed right now.
That being said, I did a hands-on blended O early yesterday morning that was stunning. I haven’t been spending quality time with my prostate like she deserves… seems I’ve been all over these nipple/spontaneous orgasms for the past month, and now that they’re seeming to fade in intensity, my prostate is reminding me she likes to be loved on, too.
Since I can’t be loud much anyway, this is causing me to wonder if I should put my purple friend aside for a while. My initial reaction is a horrified, “NO!” The deep thrusts hitting the AFE/A-spot is the only thing that brings on the crying/uterine orgasms… though… oddly enough, the nipple/OM orgasms have been inducing tears and a softer emotional pull (rather than the deep/core emotional response). And I can keep them going for a while — for as long as I feel like playing with my nipples or my clit. (I’ll alternate so nobody gets sore.) The whole time I feel this swirling of energy in my torso, pushing outward, sometimes upward like it wants to come out my throat/voice, but vocalizations during these kinds of orgasms are more glottal stops rather than moans — I might see if I can specifically direct that energy next time (tonight!).
And while I’m at it, I’ll just mention that I’ve had the strangest, spontaneous shooting of energy down my left leg. It happens while I’m at my desk, especially if I’ve had a scalpgasm. The energy going down is a new one for me. Since starting Kundalini work, I’ve tried to focus on energy going up the spine and down the front. These scalpgasms go around the back of my head, up, then down my neck to my back. Very different for me. Also, when I’m in bed, I will barely brush my fingernail over my left hip flexor, and the entire skin area of my left leg zings with energy — feels like a million little ants are crawling on my leg at once, only it’s not creepy like that. :) It feels tingly fabulous. (I’m getting tingles across the back of my head, and down my arms and legs just proof-reading this!)
All of this leads me to think that I’m in a down-swing, or at least in a phase of integration. The bad news is my Irish impatience is gonna get really frustrated with all this… again… I thought I was finally learning how to Yin, but this is bringing the Yang to the fore like crazy. The goal-oriented, severely attached to the outcome part of me that I had been able to subside is raising doubts, disappointments, insecurity, and fear. I don’t like this one bit.
The good news is that every time there’s been a valley, the next peak has been breathtakingly amazing. So I’m trying to keep the Irish/Yang in check for the next five weeks. We’ll see if I feel more freedom as school starts, and I’m alone during the days again.
Guess, I’ll need to stock up on potstickers till August 7th.
Aroused and integrating,
So… more mental meanderings today…
As an artist, my brain works in circles and not usually a linear path — or as a friend once told me, “Your mind works like an 8-track tape. There are 8 tracks going at all times, but you jump from one track to another as you please, and the rest of us have to keep up.”
So I was pondering KSMO and how to make the best use of my time while I’m on Stealth KSMO for the next couple of weeks because of the holidays. I am also working on energy raising — and NOT chasing those darn incredible prostate orgasms I experienced last month!
I happened upon this — Tarot (dot com’s) Tarot Card o’ the Day. I do not frequent this site — it was a total coincidence — but then, I don’t ordinarily subscribe to coincidences. Today, the card is Temperance… not a card I usually like since I am an action-oriented person (waiting? patience? never!!!) But here is what it said:
Metal, forging, fire? Okay, THAT I can groove with, and it totally makes sense.
I used to do historical re-enactment (while on a break from doing theatre — side note: this was the biggest mistake I ever made!). At events, I would watch the blacksmiths making swords and helms. They spent all day and night building the fire, stoking the fire, firing the metal, plunging it into water, then shaping it with a hammer or mallet into what would be a sword or dirk, rounding the helm, molding the bosses and other decorative elements that would be welded on. Then the metal would go back into the fire again to start the process over, which would be repeated until the sword or helm was strong enough to handle a blow and not break — yield or bend, perhaps, but not break. (On Japanese swords, you can actually see the waves of layers of the forging and shaping process.)
Then they use various tools to refine and polish the metal, such as chisels (on the decorative bits & sharp edges), buffers to smooth and shine, etc. It reminded me of the old story of when Michelangelo was asked how he created the famous David statue, his purported reply was, “I chipped away all the bits that weren’t David.”
Creating these tools is a process. Creating art is a process. I am a process. Becoming multi-orgasmic is a process. Achieving cosmic orgasms is a process. This reminds me to let go of the mind noise (even when I’m stressed) and chasing the bliss (especially when I’m frustrated), and just chip away at all the bits that aren’t conducive to orgasms by allowing them to be recognized and released and enjoy all the amazing experiences Tantra, KSMO, and Kundalini are triggering.
I will focus on tempering my fire, allowing the forging of new orgasmic pathways within me. That is my homework.
Aroused and stoking the fire,
Being a multi-orgasmic woman is not easy.
Men are enamored of a woman’s ability to have multiple orgasms (MO). After all, a boy’s first exposure to sex is usually his father’s skin mag and porn collection, in which women are always strung out on orgasm-induced highs. Men can have multiple orgasms, too, but that doesn’t lessen the inherent jealousy many men feel towards women and our MO capabilities.
Multiple orgasms and the ease of having them is not the same for every woman. Some women might be able to access that part of themselves more easily and have MO’s effortlessly — like the chix in porn seem to. While we all have the “capability” of being multi-orgasmic, not all women know how to become multi-orgasmic — or want to.
I know that might be a bit of a shock to men, but many married women dread sex — they have no interest in it at all. And why should they? Studies repeatedly show 66 to 75% of women have never orgasmed during sex. So why would a woman want more or multiples of what she’s never experienced?
The reliable information on women’s sexuality is still in flux. A hundred years ago, medical science said women were not capable of orgasm, now we’re pressured into being multi-orgasmic — then hated by men when we are multi-orgasmic! Women can and do have orgasms, many different kinds of orgasms, thanks to self-discovery and self-pleasure of our multitude of spots and erogenous zones. But women need to have the orgasms for themselves, not for their partner. And yet another reminder — MEN can have MULTIPLE ORGASMS, too! (Jeez!)
Also, I know many women who are over feeling like we should live up to men’s expectations of the multiple (faked) orgasms of the Silicone Barbie in XXX films. Women are told we should talk dirty, wear lingerie, learn to striptease — when the hell have men EVER had to wear something special or learn to dance for US?!
Orgasm is all in the mind for a woman. Feeling sexy, sexual, sensual all begins in the mind, but for the average woman, her mind is already filled with everything else she has to do as a wife, mother, employee, and household slave. Feeling pressured to have multiple O’s to satiate the man’s ego creates stress which greatly inhibits the libido. The average American diet certainly doesn’t help either. Having orgasms then becomes something else that is for someone else — one more thing women do for other people and not for themselves.
This does not begin to touch on the fantasy world women create in their heads to deal with the mounting stresses of the husband, the kids, the boss, the neighbors, bills, and barely managing an over-scheduled life or reconciling the day-to-day mundanities of living an unfulfilled life. A woman’s mind is overfilled and overworked. Sometimes, there just isn’t room for herself or orgasm.
Some of us have had to learn to have multiple orgasms, and even still, we have to “work” for them. Sure, subsequent orgasms are easier after the first one or two, but don’t think we’re all going into cosmic orgasmic superconscious bliss automatically! Especially in solo sex, where the woman is doing all the stim herself — the hands and shoulders get very tired! It takes years of training to be able to zip right into the orgasm consciousness flow with little to no stimulation.
Maybe it’s easier to have MO’s during partnered sex because someone else is helping with the arousal energy… (which reminds me, summer’s coming, and I need to hire a pool boy :) )…
For a while I was able to use less stimulation, but I’m trying new things — new toys — new lubes — new techniques, So I don’t have one set way of doing anything right now. I will update on my progress as it happens!
Aroused and writhing,
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Most women have heard about the book The Orgasmic Diet: A Revolutionary Plan to Lift Your Libido and Bring You to Orgasm by Marrena Lindberg, but I had never read it. I heard it was mostly about taking lots of fish oil to get the libido going. As someone who doesn’t like seafood and who’s on the fence about the whole primal/vegetarian diet thing, this didn’t seem like the diet for me.
For full disclosure, my copy of the book hasn’t arrived yet. I’ll write a full review once it appears in my mailbox! But I wanted to share a little bit of what I’ve found as well as what I’m currently doing.
In November 2011, I had a great breakthrough with my pursuits, experiencing orgasms like I never had before, and one event in particular that had me literally ready to die in the throws of orgasmic bliss if need be. Then the holidays hit: Thanksgiving, the Financial Shop-apolooza formerly known as a Holy Day (Christmas), New Year’s — even Martin Luther King, Jr., Day now earns shoppers coupons and discounts. Joy to the world, indeed.
The holidays, the stress, the being a single mom all took their toll. Living in an apartment building, I stopped my practice because I didn’t want to scare the neighbors with my screams of pleasure, and I wasn’t home alone for the week of Thanksgiving, the 2.5 weeks of Christmas/New Year’s, the long 3-day weekend for MLK. I just didn’t have any privacy anymore.
With no one to blame my lack of libido other than myself, I started to look at what I was doing in the Fall that I wasn’t doing now. Sex drive is all about hormones, and I wanted to see if I had been eating or doing something back then that was beneficial to my sex hormones.
Last Fall, I wasn’t drinking caffeine, and I was losing weight thanks to a product that affects the hypothalamus in the brain, controlling blood sugar and insulin release in the body. Even still, I was eating out quite a bit, mostly healthy burgers and only the occasional doughnut, but I lost weight anyway. And I was able to kick my horrible Diet Coke habit!
With the stress of work deadlines and the growing frustration of the people around me seemingly never going to work, my orgasm practice came to a halt, and my libido slowly frittered away. I went off the weight loss product as a test to see if I would gain back the weight. Miraculously, I didn’t — but I didn’t lose any more weight either. I started drinking caffeine again; I was ordering way too many pizzas — did I mention the stress I was under? — and I knew I was on a slippery slope of gaining back the 33 pounds I’d lost.
I recently went back on the product. My cravings for “bad food” have gone away, and I eat a lot less when I do eat. I’ve started losing weight again. So this is good. I got off Diet Coke again, so that’s even better. But my libido wasn’t back, and I was even feeling a bit … dry … down there … regularly. I’ve never been dry! In fact, a former partner used to lament that I would get “too wet” during sex and he’d lose friction.
I’m 39, but I think this is way too young to be dealing with vaginal dryness. This impelled me to seek answers from Dr. Google on the much-hyped fish oil and orgasm diet.
Fish oil seems to have many health benefits, including anti-inflammatory and anti-cancer properties as well as potential use in treating numerous mood issues such as depression, anxiety, and even ADD/ADHD.
What most people are looking for in a fish oil supplement is the Omega-3. Some doctors report that Omega-3 can help people suffering from heart disease, alcoholism, obsessive compulsive disorder, insomnia, agoraphobia, and withdrawal from narcotics.
According to the University of Maryland’s website:
“Research shows that omega-3 fatty acids reduce inflammation and may help lower risk of chronic diseases such as heart disease, cancer, and arthritis. Omega-3 fatty acids are highly concentrated in the brain and appear to be important for cognitive (brain memory and performance) and behavioral function. In fact, infants who do not get enough omega-3 fatty acids from their mothers during pregnancy are at risk for developing vision and nerve problems. Symptoms of omega-3 fatty acid deficiency include fatigue, poor memory, dry skin, heart problems, mood swings or depression, and poor circulation.”
Omega-3 is sadly lacking in many Americans’ diets because of the high amount of processed foods consumed in this country. Processed foods, foods made with hydrogenated oils, foods made from unfermented soy, and meat from livestock and poultry raised on a diet of soybeans and/or corn all contribute to higher levels of Omega-6 in the body. Taking an Omega-3 supplement may help get your body in balance.
The problem with fish oil capsules is that they can taste fishy. Also, there is no known recommended allowance of fish oil itself — some people can ingest a lot and be fine, others have adverse reactions after taking very little fish oil. Only you and your medical professional can determine what is right for you.
For me, I just wanted to see if fish oil would help get my body nice and juicy again. I looked in my spice cabinet in my kitchen, and lurking at the back of the bottom shelf was a bottle of fish oil capsules. I checked the expiration date — it was still well within its “best before” date. So I took one after dinner that evening, another after breakfast the next morning, and another after dinner that night. The next morning, I felt a familiar sensation between my legs that had been missing for a couple of months: heat, throbbing, and best of all, juices — lots of juices. The fish oil seemed to be working! (Of course, I was also drinking a lot of water to keep my prostate hydrated for future uses.)
The fish oil I had on hand is a concentrated fish oil with 600mg Omega-3 per capsule. Taking two per day, I’m getting 1200mg of Omega-3. One potential complaint I have with Lindberg’s book is that she recommends taking 8 fish oil supplements per day. I have seen Lindberg write that on various website forums as well. With quantities of Omega-3 ranging from 300mg per capsule to over 1000mg per capsule, the amount of fish oil a person would be taking if they solely go by “8 per day” could be astronomic. In her defense, her book, The Orgasmic Diet, also recommends eating a balanced diet, dark chocolate, and doing pelvic exercises. So it can’t be all that bad, right?
In response to one query, Lindberg wrote:
“Fish oil protects against some cancers, in particular breast and prostate cancer. ‘STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN. Several test tube (in vitro) and animal experiments have clearly shown that the long-chain omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids (PUFAs) eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA) and docosahexaenoic acid (DHA), the main components of fish oil, help inhibit the promotion and progression of cancer. Their beneficial effect is particularly pronounced in hormone-dependent cancers such as breast and prostate cancer. Some, but not all, epidemiologic studies have also found a beneficial effect.’ Larsson, SC, et al. Dietary long-chain n-3 fatty acids for the prevention of cancer: a review of potential mechanisms. American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, Vol. 79, June 2004, pp. 935-45.
“I am not a medical doctor, but the doctor who wrote the foreword to my book is, and he approves of the diet, as does Dr. Joseph Hibbeln at the NIH, a leading expert on fish oil.”
In my own experiment, with 1200mg Omega-3 per day, I had a significant juice boost after only 36 hours. I’ve noticed my nipples getting hard without any stimulation or lusty thoughts (or cold drafts); and that has brought back my lovely Kundalini cervical orgasms. I have not had a practice session since last week, so tomorrow should be interesting!
My personal choice is to increase the Omega-3 dosage but not the amount of fish oil while increasing the libido effects. I have seen several people report acne outbreaks from the consumption of fish oil capsules. However, after some trial and error of opening the fish oil capsules and putting the fish oil directly on food, such as a Caesar’s Salad, their acne cleared up. It seems to have been the capsule itself causing the reaction, not the fish oil.
In my search for the perfect ratio of high Omega-3 to as little fish oil as possible, I stumbled across Triple Strength Omega-3 GOLD – 1,060 mg of Omega 3 each capsule (1000mg EPA + DHA).
I’m not even waiting to finish this bottle I have. I will be getting the Omega-3 Gold next week, and I’ll write an update on how the orgasms are coming then.
Want to buy fish oil for your libido? Here’s what you should look for:
- Concentrated fish oil – more Omega-3 in less fish oil
- Tested to be free of potentially harmful levels of mercury, heavy metals, PCB’s, dioxins, and other contaminants
- No gluten, yeast, or dairy
- Enteric coated so the capsule remains intact in the stomach but dissolves in the small intestine, which helps eliminate “fish burps”
- Odor controlled
So tomorrow will be my first go at a post-fish oil orgasm. Once the results are in, I’ll report from the field!
Aroused once again,
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