Copyright 2012 by Trish Causey. All Rights Reserved.
It’s been said that every woman fakes orgasms at some point. Well, I’m here to tell you I never did. Never. I never had an orgasm during partnered sex, and I sure wasn’t going to fake it. I made sure the guy knew I wasn’t seeing god, or cosmic rainbows, or magickal unicorns just because his penis was inside me. He could deal with his ego later.
Recently, I read a particular, highly recommended book on cunnilingus but had a difficult time finishing it. The anatomic information was mostly good, but the male writer’s anecdotes about female orgasm were peppered with sexist, rude, even misogynist remarks I simply could not overlook. Having admitted that he was bad at sex and suffered with erectile issues, the author made the egregious comment that screamers and women who throw their heads back are “obvious” orgasm fakers.
I wanted to throw the book across the room, but unfortunately, I was at a restaurant. (Yes, I read sex books while eating… lunch.)
Women are complex creatures and are, thusly, capable of complex, varied types of orgasms. It only makes sense that the body and the face would have different corresponding reactions. Yes, I said body. Were you only watching her face?
For a traditional clitoral orgasm, the orgasm is localized to the clit/genital area. The woman’s torso will most likely crunch forward. The hips/pelvis will tuck or raise up off the bed. Her face will similarly be “crunched” into a look she wouldn’t really want to make otherwise: furrowed brow, gritting the teeth, even jutting the jaw forward. (I could go into my theory on why this is but I would have to bore you with vocal science and the pedagogy of phonation.)
A vaginal/She Spot orgasm tends to be a full-body wave type of orgasm that washes over the body but lacks the explosion of the clitoral orgasm. The woman’s mouth will be open, the jaw down and back, and she may moan differently because of it. Her head may tilt backward, and she may even arch her back. Please note the vagina has numerous spots capable of various kinds of pleasure and responses.
A blended orgasm that stems from both clitoral and vaginal/She Spot simulation is one of the most sought after orgasms because of its full-body wave effect coupled with the clit explosion. This orgasm can induce both crunching forward and wild hip motions, plus arching backward, head back, and delicious moaning.
Other types of orgasms include nipple O’s, cervical O’s, orgasms of the P-spot, the K-spot, the perineal sponge, urethral/urination orgasms, anal O’s, and anywhere else on the body that she is super sensitive to touch.
Of all the physically-based orgasms, the most intense, for me, personally, is the uterine orgasm. The uterine orgasm is brought on by stimulation of the cervix and A-Spot, coincidentally stimulating the prostate/She Spot at the same time. This results in a compulsory doubling over and emotional outburst — a true gut-wrenching thrashing usually accompanied by uncontrollable crying. Not pretty crying either. So the face of this orgasm is kind of like a nervous breakdown — a bit unnerving for onlookers but soul-shatteringly amazing to experience.
These signs are for physically-based orgasms that most people can do without much effort. Use plenty of lube, work the spots, communicate — not very difficult. However, energy-based orgasms cause the body to twist and contort in ways unimaginable.
Kundalini orgasms are known for inducing a sharp, sudden, involuntary arching of the back, in both women and men. While some men consider arching the back to be a “woman’s” type of orgasm, I like to think of this phenomenon as a “human being’s” orgasmic response. For Kundalini orgasms, the mouth may be wide open, deep moans being heard, while the head is bent so far back, you might think the woman is going into a gymnast’s backbend. All of this is involuntary. (And pretty frickin’ incredible!)
So what is the face of a woman who is having real orgasms? Not something she’d want posted in the church’s Sunday bulletin, that’s for sure. If the woman can, in any way, be considered to look “pretty,” she’s not having a real orgasm.
If she is crunching forward and her face looks as if she is somewhere between “really pissed off” and “warrior queen about to rip your limbs from your body,” then she’s probably having a real orgasm. If her head is back, her mouth open, and her brow slightly to fully furrowed, that’s a great sign of a real orgasm as well. When her arms fly up over her head, don’t be offended! This doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to hold on to you. Especially if her hands wind up behind her head, this is a great sign of a deep, powerful orgasm. (If you’ve read my DailyOJ, you know I can vouch for this effect.)
Her eyes may be open during clitoral orgasms, but for most other types of orgasms, her eyes will probably be closed. For myself, I’ve noticed my eyes shoot open at the onset of blended orgasms but then immediately close again through the rest of the climax/multiple orgasms. For Kundalini orgasms, my eyes are closed, head is all the way back, hands fly up over my head, and my body rocks-and-rolls side to side while my knees come up, then my legs kick out over and over again. (Just sayin’.)
You decide: Which one is faking and which one is real?
Along with the facial contortions or the gaping jaw and arching back, her skin will become flush due to increased blood flow, her nipples may be so perky they’re reaching for the ceiling, and her hips (hell, most of her body) will be moving involuntarily. For energy orgasms, she will probably be rockin’-and-rollin’ side to side with extra contractions and rolling through her abdominals, not just crunching forward or arching backward as during physical orgasms.
If she can speak in complete sentences, or is constantly reassuring your ego, she might be faking for your benefit. If her words are incoherent and grabbing at you is her only primal form of communication, then you might be on the right track — to helping her orgasm.
More importantly, don’t be so visual. This isn’t porn. This is a real, live woman. You need to feel her reactions. When a woman is close to orgasm, especially if any clitoral stimulation has been done, the clitoral bulbs that form a “horseshoe” over and around the vaginal opening expand with blood flow, just as the penis expands with blood flow during arousal. This feels like a vice-grip clamping down on your penis.
(Side note: My asshole ex-husband used to tell me he didn’t like the vice-grip feeling because it made him start to lose his erection… so that’s probably why I never orgasmed with him.)
Remember, guys. You cannot “make” a woman orgasm. Orgasm begins and ends in the woman’s mind — not just her brain. Stimulate her mind first and the body will follow suit. In fact, the face and body will tell you everything if your sexual relationship is rooted in honest communication.
What does your face look like in orgasm? Send me a picture, and I just might post it!
The key to Female Ejaculation — the wet orgasm — depends on your lady and where her spot(s) are, how they respond to stimulation, and even where they move to during arousal. Most women who ejaculate do so from direct stimulation of the female prostate.
As the giver, use your fingers and curl them up in the “come hither” position. Anchor your fingertips against the inside of the pubic bone (on the prostate), and move the prostate itself — not circles ON the prostate, you’re actually moving the prostate against the pubic bone. Also, hold your other hand on the mons veneris and lower abs just at the pubic bone. (Remember, the lower abs are responsible for delicious coregasms!) This way you’re stimulating the full prostate region from inside as well as the outside. As above, so below.
Also, near orgasm — for the wetter variety — the woman needs to push out like she’s going to the bathroom, not pull up and in. And don’t press so much on the prostate at that point.
You can also tap the opening of the urethra — the U-Spot — for extra sensation — it is encircled by erectile tissue, just like that at the top of the penis. There is also a small “spot” of erogenous tissue just above the urethral opening and below the clit. Tap or stroke this as well for more incredible sensations.
I hope I will have more to report on my adventures with female ejaculation. And in case I didn’t mention it earlier, here’s one last “tip” on female ejaculation. Since most of the female prostate tissue is toward the opening of the vagina, you may not want a penis or large toy inserted fully.
Fingers might be best, but if doing penile / toy penetration, then use just the head. Or use a G-Spot toy specifically designed for female prostate stimulation. The width of the penis or a large toy during full insertion can “choke” off the prostate’s fluid, which hinders the water flow or waterfall / geyser effect you’re going for. That doesn’t necessarily affect the orgasm fabulousness itself, just the amount of “rainfall”.
Just follow these tips to get a great weather prediction: “High ‘precipitation’ with a chance of orgasm!”
Aroused and wet,
Just throwing this out there… In the free-flow chat last night (or the other night — can’t remember now), another chick and I both said that we sometimes have to do the KSMO key sound twice to get it into that really low (awkward) placement. I wondered if anyone (guys or gals) had experienced that.
I was doing my KSMO this morning, which I time with the stopwatch on my phone. By the time I finally got the key sound perfect the first time around, my alarm went off! Grrrrrrrr…
I also noted that I tend to do nipple-only stim the first 10 minutes, then move a hand south to my genitals and caress the exterior of the vulva for about 5 minutes, then the last 5 minutes is internal caress stimulation (single caressing!) on my She Spot. By this time, though, I AM extremely hot and bothered, so maybe natural arousal is kicking in and contributing to the husky sound? Otherwise, unnatural, husky vocal production is dangerous to the voice (and speech pathologists everywhere will back me up on this). I want to be safe with my voice while furthering my experiences on the KSMO path to blissed out orgasms. But doing the key sound is starting to hurt, actually.
I’m wondering, too, if I should do a full-body warm up before doing the KSMO protocol — the same way a singer should do a full-body warm up before vocalizing. It really does get the blood flowing to the vocal folds as well as wake up the belly-breathing respiratory subsystem. I might do that next time and report if it helps make the key sound better from the start or at least more fluid.
In that chat, we also talked about the importance of making sure the mouth is open wide enough — not too wide, but your mouth SHOULD be open. The placement of the jaw really does matter in sound production whether you’re singing or having orgasms — i.e., the KIND of sound you produce, resonance, as well as volume. All of this affects the voice.
And one gent had a great quote about why making sound during arousal and orgasms is NATURAL. Good thing I’m loving’ my moan.
Aroused and vocalizing,
Being a multi-orgasmic woman is not easy.
Men are enamored of a woman’s ability to have multiple orgasms (MO). After all, a boy’s first exposure to sex is usually his father’s skin mag and porn collection, in which women are always strung out on orgasm-induced highs. Men can have multiple orgasms, too, but that doesn’t lessen the inherent jealousy many men feel towards women and our MO capabilities.
Multiple orgasms and the ease of having them is not the same for every woman. Some women might be able to access that part of themselves more easily and have MO’s effortlessly — like the chix in porn seem to. While we all have the “capability” of being multi-orgasmic, not all women know how to become multi-orgasmic — or want to.
I know that might be a bit of a shock to men, but many married women dread sex — they have no interest in it at all. And why should they? Studies repeatedly show 66 to 75% of women have never orgasmed during sex. So why would a woman want more or multiples of what she’s never experienced?
The reliable information on women’s sexuality is still in flux. A hundred years ago, medical science said women were not capable of orgasm, now we’re pressured into being multi-orgasmic — then hated by men when we are multi-orgasmic! Women can and do have orgasms, many different kinds of orgasms, thanks to self-discovery and self-pleasure of our multitude of spots and erogenous zones. But women need to have the orgasms for themselves, not for their partner. And yet another reminder — MEN can have MULTIPLE ORGASMS, too! (Jeez!)
Also, I know many women who are over feeling like we should live up to men’s expectations of the multiple (faked) orgasms of the Silicone Barbie in XXX films. Women are told we should talk dirty, wear lingerie, learn to striptease — when the hell have men EVER had to wear something special or learn to dance for US?!
Orgasm is all in the mind for a woman. Feeling sexy, sexual, sensual all begins in the mind, but for the average woman, her mind is already filled with everything else she has to do as a wife, mother, employee, and household slave. Feeling pressured to have multiple O’s to satiate the man’s ego creates stress which greatly inhibits the libido. The average American diet certainly doesn’t help either. Having orgasms then becomes something else that is for someone else — one more thing women do for other people and not for themselves.
This does not begin to touch on the fantasy world women create in their heads to deal with the mounting stresses of the husband, the kids, the boss, the neighbors, bills, and barely managing an over-scheduled life or reconciling the day-to-day mundanities of living an unfulfilled life. A woman’s mind is overfilled and overworked. Sometimes, there just isn’t room for herself or orgasm.
Some of us have had to learn to have multiple orgasms, and even still, we have to “work” for them. Sure, subsequent orgasms are easier after the first one or two, but don’t think we’re all going into cosmic orgasmic superconscious bliss automatically! Especially in solo sex, where the woman is doing all the stim herself — the hands and shoulders get very tired! It takes years of training to be able to zip right into the orgasm consciousness flow with little to no stimulation.
Maybe it’s easier to have MO’s during partnered sex because someone else is helping with the arousal energy… (which reminds me, summer’s coming, and I need to hire a pool boy )…
For a while I was able to use less stimulation, but I’m trying new things — new toys — new lubes — new techniques, So I don’t have one set way of doing anything right now. I will update on my progress as it happens!
Aroused and writhing,
A-Spot – ak.a., AFE – the Anterior Fornix, a.k.a., the Anterior Fornix Erogenous zone; a zone on the anterior of the vaginal wall near the cervix. Can be stimulated by fingers or penis/toy from a facing each other/missionary position. Stimulating this area may also activate the bladder (so be sure to go to the bathroom first!). The A-Spot/AFE has also been called the “female degenerated prostate.” The A-Spot is also said to increase lubrication if stimulated 5-10 minutes/day for a week (for women who have dryness).
G-Spot – Goddess spot (formerly named after a penised-person, but we women of the world prefer Goddess Spot), and I use the term “She Spot”. The G-Spot lives within or on the top edge of the female prostate (noted by its rippled, ridgy texture) about an inch or so inside the vagina, on the anterior wall. *** NOTE: EVERY WOMAN IS DIFFERENT! ***
K-Spot – “Kundalini” spot; the sensitive spot just above the anus but below where the top part of the cheeks separate to go around the anus. Can require deep pressure for full effect (similar to perineum stimulation on men). The easiest way to reach the K-Spot is when facing each other and reaching a hand around, between your partner’s cheeks and using a (middle?) finger to” hook” onto the area just below the cleft of the tush cheeks, above the anus. Works on both men and women (bonus!).
P-Spot – The Posterior Fornix, a.k.a Posterior Fornix Erogenous Zone, is a spot complimentary with the A-Spot, near the cervix on the posterior wall, most usually stimulated directly with fingers or penis/toy while in rear entry position.
***NOTE: It has become increasingly popular amongst men to use P-Spot to refer to the Perineum. As usual, the man is wrong. (Okay, so on men, they like to call the Perineum or even the Prostate the P-Spot. We’ll let them call their boy bits what they want. But on the female, the P-Spot is inside the vagina, posterior, at the top.
U-Spot – the highly sensitive erectile tissue just above the urethra, between the clit and the urethra, and even surrounding the urethral opening. Can be stroked or tapped to increase arousal (with the female’s permission).
And before you men start fretting over all these “spots” you never had to worry about before feminism, just remember the average vagina is 3-4 inches long… so you can probably find them all with a little effort.