Arts, Activism, Awakening in Mind, Body, & Spirit

women’s sexuality

OpEd: Slut & Whore? Leave Kentucky Clerk Kim Davis’ Sexual History Out of the Conversation

Slut & Whore? Leave Kentucky Clerk Kim Davis' Sexual History Out of the ConversationThe past 48 hours have been a whirlwind for activists and fake Christians around America as Kentucky clerk Kim Davis has defied federal law by not issuing marriage licenses to gay couples in her district.

An elected official, Davis told prospective couples she would not issue any marriage licenses to LGBT couples because it went against her beliefs as a Christian. Even though she is paid by the taxpayers to do her job, she insists that God is her authority, not the laws of the United States.

Much to her chagrin, I am sure, is Davis’ own marriage history — four of them — and apparent adultery, plus a confusing back-and-forth of which husband she was sleeping with, when, and who was impregnating her at the time. While this all makes for great fodder in the online gossip-sphere, none of her sexual history has anything to do with the fact that Davis is an elected official, who is refusing to do her job and is violating the civil rights of citizens in her district, while pulling an annual salary of $80,000.

Having seen the news clips of Davis defending her repulsion of gay marriage, she is a “true believer”, and nothing anyone can say will convince her that LGBT are people, too, with the same civil rights as all other Americans. She has that crazed look in her eyes when she talks about Jesus and God, and she seems like the kind of zealot that will relish being a martyr for her beliefs. (I’m from the South. I know ’em when I see ’em.) And by the way, she has a First Amendment right to be as right-wing, Jesus-obsessed as she wants to be … on her own time.

The First Amendment prohibits the government from establishing any religion, so her failure to carry out her job as a civil servant is not protected by the First Amendment. We also have the philosophy of Thomas Jefferson’s view on the Separation of Church and State, which has been quoted numerous times by the United States Supreme Court, and then there’s Article 11 of the Treaty of Tripoli, which says very plainly, “the government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion….” This treaty was ratified unanimously by the Senate, so I guess they really meant it — the United States is not a Christian country. The government of the United States is, in fact, secular. Therefore, a secular employee’s personal religious beliefs are irrelevant in regard to her duty to abide by and uphold the laws of the land. If she doesn’t like the laws, that’s what the justice and legislative branches of the government are for.

But let’s focus on the issue before us: Davis is being paid by the taxpayers while she is violating citizens’ civil rights. She needs to follow the law or leave the job, but slut-shaming her has taken over the conversation.

If this were a rape case at trial or a sexual harassment claim, a woman’s prior sexual history would not be allowed because it has no bearing on the incident at hand. And I’d be willing to bet that if this were a man who had had four marriages, no one would call him a “slut”.

Slut-shaming is a patriarchal tactic of humiliating and ostracizing women, to keep women in line and to control women’s sexuality.

As activists, we cannot get sidetracked. Focus on the issue in front of us, and address it head-on. For now, Kim Davis has two choices: do the job she was elected and is being paid to do; or quit. We will not allow Americans’ rights to be violated just so one woman can feel like a martyr in her own mind.




DailyOJ 08-12-15: Masturbating with Menstrual Blood

yoni-puja-flowers-hand-in-mudraThe alarm went off. I woke up. Sort of. I snoozed the alarm and stretched.

I felt warm liquid at the opening of my vagina, but it was held in by my inner labia. I had been on my period for a few days, so this should be the day it takes off. My usual cycle is three days then a day off, followed by a day that is really just heavy spotting. On those last two days, I don’t use a tampon. It hurts too much to pull it out when there isn’t enough blood flow and the cotton absorbs any vaginal fluid.

Being horny and kind of forgetting about being on my period the past three days, I reached down and fingered my labia, feeling some of the fluid there at the gate, ready to burst forth. Warm and thick, the viscosity was slightly different — not much but enough for me to notice. I brought my fingers out from under the sheet and saw traces of red mixed in with the clear vaginal fluid.

Then I remembered my period. I brought my fingers up to my nose and inhaled. Metallic. I didn’t care. My hand slipped back under the sheet, and my fingers found my lips again.

As I spread the juices around my labia and my clit, the fluid seemed a little more sticky than usual. There was more blood than I had thought there would be. I had never masturbated using menstrual blood before; not intentionally anyway. And honestly, yesterday would have been the perfect day due to the heavier flow. I also didn’t have a towel handy, so I didn’t go full-on friggin’ off.

I kept to my stealth orgasms that involve the smallest, barely-there touch to the side of the external clitoris. This barely-there touch triggers immediate full-body orgasms — not the explosive type of orgasm associated with stimulating the clit tip. These are more like vaginal/prostate full-body orgasms, except these happen almost instantly; but the moment of climax with these stealth clit orgasms is much stronger than the wave-like feeling of a vaginal climax.

The blood mixed in with my vaginal juices helped because, otherwise, vaginal fluid is very slick and slippery. As it should be! The blood made the fluid a little bit sticky, so it was easier to keep the tip of my finger in the exact spot on the head of my clit.

Perhaps I should have felt weird about this, but I didn’t. Menstrual blood is one of the five sacred fluids in Tantra, however, most women are made to feel shame about this very natural and very necessary process of shedding the uterine lining each month. Tantra has extended rituals of worshiping the yoni, which is the Sanskrit word that simultaneously refers to the vulva and vagina as well as the woman as a whole.

I don’t mind sex during my period, but it must be slower and more careful. My cervix (the lower third of the uterus that descends into the vagina) can be very tender — as will be my breasts and even my inner thighs. This morning, I definitely was not going to use a toy, but playing in the mixed fluids and deriving pleasure from them allowed me to have a different perspective on the possibilities of using menstrual blood as lubrication for solo-play in the future.

I say “in the future” because I didn’t get to go as far as I wanted. The alarm went off again, and this time I really had to get out of bed and get moving. But I will definitely revisit masturbating with menstrual blood again. Blood is sacred, and so is self-love. It’s kind of a perfect combination … if you put a towel down first.

Aroused and sticky,




DailyOJ 08-02-15: Deadlines, Breasts, Sexual Trauma, & Sexual Awakening

Deadlines, Breasts, Sexual Trauma, & Sexual Awakening I am dealing with so many deadlines, narrow-minded “friends” on Facebook over breasts and Planned Parenthood, and an essay submission on my sexual awakening journey that may be used in an upcoming book.

I know this isn’t a usual DailyOJ, but I hope you understand why I needed to write this this way. (And I’ll have some more DailyOJ’s for you SOON!)

How is YOUR day? Let me know in the Comments’ section below!




Review: “Masters of Sex” Season 3 Premiere Takes on Sex, Revolution, Women’s Lib, & the Human Sexual Response

Masters of Sex:  Season 3 Premiere Review on ArousedWoman BlogThe Season 3 premiere of the popular cable television show, “Masters of Sex”, is available for free viewing in advance of its airing on July 12, 2015. Similarly to HBO, Showtime is presenting its content online for a monthly fee as an alternative to watching it on TV. And it’s about time!

“Masters of Sex” follows the important work of sex researchers William H. Masters and Virginia Johnson, wonderfully played by Michael Sheen and Lizzy Caplan, respectively. After two successful seasons delving into the ground-breaking work that changed society’s perception of sex and of women’s sexuality forever, Season 3 of “Masters of Sex” promises to go even further, showing their work finally reaching the masses while exploring their personal relationships which are crippled by the very work they love.

This online episode offers a brief review of where the show left off at the end of Season 2 and picks up in 1965. Much like my dismay with “Mad Men’s” foray into the mid-1960s, “Masters of Sex” is now squarely thrust into a world of avocado green appliances in the home, false eyelashes and white eye shadow on the women, and some of the ugliest clothes ever designed. Be that as it may, the ’60s were also an incredibly important time for progress in the civil rights movements for blacks, women, American Indians, and other traditionally marginalized groups.

This episode alternates between Masters and Johnson’s press conference for the release of their pioneering book, Human Sexual Response, and the months leading up to that press conference. Masters is as work-focused as ever, and even when he is with his family physically, he is an absent father to his children emotionally. Likewise, Johnson also deals with her role as a mom to two teenagers and is determined to finish school, a personal and professional goal she repeatedly has put off due to her dedication to their work.

Masters’ wife, Libby, pops pills to get by as she deals with anxiety and depression. At one point, she admits she has been “medicating myself so I wouldn’t feel” all of the things wrong in her marriage. She confides in Johnson one night, “I think that a heart can only be broken so many times, and then it’s done. And I think that I’m done.”

Even though she is a sex researcher, Johnson has trouble talking to her own daughter about sex, which is difficult at the best of times, but the irony is not lost. Her son, Henry, wants to enlist in the military, causing Johnson another knock-down-drag-out with her ex-husband, George.

Now that the children of Masters and Johnson are growing up, the show focuses more on the relationships they have – or do not have – with their families. Masters and Johnson are much more equipped to help other couples even as they fail horribly in their relationships in their own families. A pivotal scene between Masters and his son Johnny, in which Masters’ past issues with his angry father come barreling to the forefront, shakes Masters to his core.

The mentality of the time toward women’s sexuality is also on full display. During the press conference, a reporter asks, “With your emphasis on female sexual pleasure, can a woman feel free now to say, ‘No’?” I laughed out loud at the stupidity of the question, and yet I had to remember that the timeframe of the show is 1965. Then I remembered misogynist Virginia politician Dick Black’s comments from just 2002 about how spousal rape was not possible, especially if the woman is wearing a nighty. Then I remembered by own marriage, when I felt like I had to have sex to keep the peace about bills or not to get kicked out. Johnson’s response to the reporter’s question was brilliant: “Our study gives women more freedom than ever to say ‘No’ because a woman will no longer be making her decision out of fear.”

By “fear”, she means the traditional fears regarding social ostracism, disease, and pregnancy. The point is that women would now have the information they need to make informed decisions in regard to sex, safe sex, and a better chance at preventing unwanted consequences. All hail, women’s lib!

The reporter presses Masters and Johnson, questioning if they think the current societal trends will lead to a culture of moral decay. Johnson emphatically responds by explaining, “Young men and women today are inclined to work things out emotionally rather than fixating on sex.”

At no point in the series has Dr. Masters been likable as a person, a husband, or a father; he fails on all three points. However, as a doctor, Masters is a vocal and unapologetic advocate for women’s sexuality, women’s equality – especially pertaining to sex and pleasure, and a woman’s right to choose whether or not she wants to be sexually active. A New York Times reporter remarks that clergy members are warning that lowering these traditional fears – and women feeling comfortable telling their husbands “No” when it comes to sex – means women will bring about the collapse of social order … because women living in fear and enduring spousal rape is apparently preferable. Masters bluntly and succinctly replies, “There is no universe where fear is a value worth preserving.”

Probably the best line in the episode occurs when one reporter insinuates that Masters and Johnson are trying to piggy-back on the sexual revolution, to which Johnson retorts, “We are the sexual revolution.”

“We know the fear that surrounds the subject of sex…. The legacy affects us all,” Masters points out to the reporters. He explains that the narrow-minded constrictive view of sex has only been around since the Industrial Revolution. Before that, “Sex was a given. It was valued, enjoyed, even if it wasn’t understood scientifically.” He states that all they want from their research is an approach to sexuality that is free of fear and full of understanding.

The reporter who grills Masters and Johnson throughout the episode dishes his final words about their book, Human Sexual Response. What does he say? You’ll have to watch to find out.

Overall, this episode is a great testament to the work of Masters and Johnson, while highlighting the hurdles they faced professionally and personally. The 1960s time period is firmly established by the production design, and Annaleigh Ashford, who plays Betty the office manager, has an all-too-brief scene at the beginning, but sporting a pseudo-vintage Streisand/Funny Girl wig makes it worth it.

My only complaint is the casting of Johnson’s son, Henry. The actor, Noah Robbins, looks nothing like Lizzy Caplan or Mather Zickel, who plays her ex-husband George; and Robbins seems more like a 14 year-old, not a 17 year-old who is ready to enter the military. This is TV, not the stage; a little more realism is expected. Also in this episode, this 17 year-old Henry has sex with a woman older than he is, and yet there is no mention of statutory rape or impropriety, except for the fact that she has a child.

For the other teenage Johnson kid, the casting of Tessa with Isabelle Furhman was a good choice as she resembles both Caplan and Zickel with her dark looks. And though she does have a nude scene, Furhman is 18+ in real life.

Extra kudos also go to the casting team for hiring Jaeden Lieberher to play Masters’ son Johnny, who perfectly expresses through body language and facial reactions how much he wants to be like his father and desperately wants his father’s love, but secretly resents Masters’ obsession with his work.

The real-life Virginia Johnson did have two children with George Johnson, but their names are Scott and Lisa. The factual William H. Masters had two children with his wife Elizabeth, and their names are William and Sarah.

This online freebie preview has been edited for content, with the more choice language silenced, naked breasts blurred out, and the best part – the sex – has been cut out completely. You’ll have to buy a subscription to get the full benefit of the sailor’s language, nudity, and sex scenes.

If you have never seen the show, check it out. And if you think we struggle with society accepting women’s sexuality in today’s world, “Masters of Sex” expertly portrays the narrow-minded environment that women endured as they struggled for sexual liberation just 50 years ago.

Catch the Season 3 premiere of “Masters of Sex” on Showtime.




ArousedWoman Celebrates the 300th Blog Post!

ArousedWoman 300th Blog PostWow! Has it really been 300 blog posts — already?! I still can’t believe I just passed 3 years of doing ArousedWoman. And to think I’ve now written 300 articles, posts, reviews, and rants about women’s sexuality and activism is just amazing. That’s 300 posts over 3 years, which equals 100 per year, or about 2 per week on average. No wonder I’m exhausted!

ArousedWoman began as a simple website and this blog on which I bared my soul and my experiences as I reclaimed my body and my life. I had left my marriage a year or so before, and I had recently begun exploring my sexuality. I felt dead sexually and wanted so much more. I began a Tantric journey and discovered things I never knew could actually exist; and I wrote about them here.

In so doing, I encountered amazing experiences that absolutely challenged my concept of infinity and pleasure, and it made me deal with long-buried issues of sexual abuse that I had neatly locked away and thought I had dealt with years ago. Processing these immense highs and these painful lows was overwhelming at times, but it was necessary for me, especially if I hope ever to have a successful relationship for myself someday. I am still a work-in-progress.

Honestly, if I had not taken off most of 2014 while I was running for Congress, I would have reached this milestone sooner. But I am proud of the work I have done here on ArousedWoman. I’m proud of the AW extensions via the radio show, the YouTube videos, and the upcoming magazine. But most of all, I am proud of being able to help so many people who didn’t feel they could turn to someone else.

Over the course of 300 posts, I have written on anatomy and sexual function, communication and relationships, health and fitness, and of course, activism and equality. In the process, ArousedWoman has become a trusted source of information in regard to women’s sexuality AND has been named a #1 site for sexuality and relationship information for couples.

This is just the beginning! I have sooooooo much more to do for you and with you. Expect a complete overhaul later this year as I work on expanding ArousedWoman into a more life-encompassing resource. It’s gonna be fabulous!

As always, I love you, and I thank you for being with me on this journey.

Aroused and doing the happy dance,





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