If you’re looking for a pagan, heathen, witchy, Wiccan, bohemian, theatrical, non-traditional, out-of-the-ordinary, non-Christian, and/or non-religious wedding, LET ME KNOW! (I will be happy to officiate a Christian marriage, too.)
I want to provide an alternative to those who can’t or don’t want a Christian/church wedding but want more than the Justice of the Peace gig.
If you’re in a state that allows GAY MARRIAGE, lemme know! I will travel!
Feel free to contact me by leaving a comment below.
June 29, 2014 | Categories: communication, equality, government, hands, LGBT, marriage, NEWS, relationship, religious oppression, sacred space, soul, spirit, Witchy Woman, women's circles, women's sexuality, yang, yin | Tags: agnostic, atheist, Christian marriage, druid, gay marriage, handfasting, heathen, LGBT, marriage, Marriage Officiant, non-Christian, officiant, wedding, wicca, witch | 2 Comments
* Read Part 1 *
Today was a great day. So I was a bit surprised by the slight emotional breakdown I just experienced.
It wasn’t caused by my intactivism on Twitter (explaining the horrors of both male circumcision and female genital cutting), or the raucous festivities happening just outside my apartment from the day parade of the local Mardi Gras krewes. I spent some time earlier researching vitamins for healthy skin since I’ve now lost 82 pounds, but my skin is not shrinking as fast as I’d like — apparently, it can take 2 years or more for skin to retract, assuming a woman has good genes, doesn’t have any more children, and bathes in the blood of virgins… (just kidding… not sure about that last part).
I think the breakdown may have been triggered by an impromptu conversation in the chat room of the AW Forum on the subject of emotion and sex.
Taking a break from the Twitterverse and looking for something to watch online, I remembered the amazing feelings from this morning, and the generally great feelings I’d had all day. I got a flash — a vision — in my mind’s eye about being with a partner, my Dream Man, as I call him. Not having sex, our clothes were on, in fact. I was just kissing his collarbone. And I suddenly burst into tears.
I had trouble breathing. I could feel the rush of adrenaline’s “fight or flight” rash-choice-conundrum rushing to the fore. Not prone to panic attacks, I was most concerned with why I was having this freak-out moment. Then I remembered a revelation I’d had when writing my breasts article about having never really known tenderness during sex. During the Twitter intactivism tonight, I had had to explain how friction sex can be painful — how my ex used to complain I got too wet during sex, he couldn’t get friction, so he’d pull out and use the sheet to dry me and him off and come back in to jackhammer away till he ejaculated…. The feelings that were now shaking my entire body as I cried and tried to breathe were the realization that I have no idea how to be intimate with a man.
I know about sex, sex spots, erogenous zones, positions, pressure points, hormones, and nerves. I know all about the physical connections, but I have never really made an emotional physical connection to a partner. The fact that emotion scares the hell out of most men doesn’t help the situation.
This past year I’ve been in Yin, and it’s really kicked me in my ass. I made so many realizations about myself last year that I thought (or hoped) I was done. Apparently, the Universe was saving this big whopper for right when I was least prepared to deal with yet another part of me that needs to be worked on.
Sex has never been about me, in my sexual experience. I never understood why people can just spend time kissing (isn’t that boring?) or holding hands (don’t you want me to hold something else?)… I never felt comfortable with just being with a partner. Once the sex got going, then I knew what my role was. Usually, I was the initiator, the aggressor, the one in charge. Men made it clear they were with me because they wanted to know if busty redheads were really as good in bed as they’d heard or seen in porn. They approached me with a certain expectation of what sex with me would be like, and I made sure I exceeded their expectations.
Sex in my marriage was never orgasmic for me, but then I didn’t think my pleasure was important. As a stay-at-home mother, I felt part of my duties was keeping him happy and earning my keep — sex did that while a blow job once a week prevented arguments about the bills. As I grew to detest him and the whole situation, I gained weight on purpose so he wouldn’t want me…. Just my luck — he liked fat chicks.
Now free, in control of my own life, and repairing my health and my body, I’m left with the remnants of what I’ve put myself through the past 15+ years. I look in the mirror as my body gets smaller, but so many imperfections remain. And so many imperfections dwell inside as well.
With intimacy, there isn’t exactly a projected outcome as there is with sex. The agenda of sex is lots of orgasms that lead to the climactic grande finale orgasm. Intimacy is a goal-less phenomenon, I guess, in which neither partner is in charge or at least, no one’s keeping tally on the orgasm scoreboard. Intimacy is being open emotionally to just being with a person, soft and tender… vulnerable. Without the sex techniques to keep a man enthralled, I really don’t know why a man would want to be with me… or what I have to offer…
This emotional breakdown was another wall coming down, and yet it is another bit of knowledge I will hold myself to when time for entering a relationship and finally — finally! — being able to love a man. I simply cannot allow myself to go backwards. Being in charge in the sex department is too easy. I need to allow myself to be open and vulnerable… more… yin… and that freaks me out….
Aroused and breaking through,
- OpEd: The Face of Orgasm: is Your Woman Faking Orgasms or Not
- DailyOJ 12-14-11: My Journey From Sexual Abuse & Bad Marriage to Vocal Activist & Orgasm Goddess
- OpEd: My Rape, Rape Culture, & Why Women Need to Talk About Rape
- REGISTER for Tantra-based orgasm training
- Sign up for the ArousedWoman newsletter
- Take the ArousedWoman Orgasm Questionnaire
January 26, 2013 | Categories: awakening, bedroom, communication, DailyOJ, emotion, journey, kissing, male perspective, mind noise, reclaiming sexuality, relationship, sex positions, sexuality, techniques, training, women's sexuality, yin | 4 Comments
A little something different from the usual AskTrish post…
While posting pics on my ArousedWoman Tumblr page, I came across a post on another Tumblr page in which a querent (I’m assuming male) asked: “when i masturbate and i hit orgasm once i cant have another one why not ? am i doing something wrong ?” The moderator responded: “no, not everyone is capable of multiple orgasms, that’s just the way it is…”
That is absolutely NOT TRUE — not even for men!
Ejaculating is a reflex, but it is a controllable reflex of the sympathetic nervous system. Semen is ejected due to contractions by the bulbospongiosus muscle. On a subtle body/spirit level, ejaculate is comprised of life force energy, and it takes an inordinate about of physical energy to produce and expel ejaculate from the body — hence the reason a guy is usually exhausted and needs a nap afterward. Ejac expends energy, causing fatigue for the man.
In women, stimulating the clit, which is synonymous to the penis, gives a localized burst of tension release at the clitoris, but any kind of vaginal orgasm (prostate/She Spot, cervical/uterine, AFE, PFE, even perineal sponge) creates full-body waves of bliss that flow and flow and flow, like waves that repeatedly crash against a shore. The clitoris is wired to the spinal cord via the pudendal nerve, but the vagina’s main nerve is the vagus nerve which bypasses the spinal cord and plugs directly into the brain.
Knowing how the body works physiologically helps in integrating the subtle energy body with the physical body, which leads to orgasms that literally blow your mind and everything you thought you knew about your body or orgasm. Conjuring orgasm via an energy-based practice with the help of a little anatomy know-how creates orgasm experiences that feel like Big Bang explosions in your core and your head — not localized to just the genitals.
Orgasm is a response of the parasympathetic nervous system. Orgasm increases energy. Many people use climaxing for muscle tension release before bed so they can get sleepy. However, orgasm in an energy practice gives and expands energy. From the Greek word, orgasmos, orgasm literally means “to swell.” Orgasm is NOT the end of a sexual experience but one amazing part of the journey. The end isn’t even “climax” but bliss, altered states of consciousness (no drugs needed!), awareness, and connection to self, your partner (if applicable), and the Universe.
ALL woman AND men are capable of multiple orgasms — FOR HOURS, days, weeks! Live your whole life in an orgasmic state of energy bliss… Why not?!
People need to STOP the myths and lies about what is possible in orgasm. ‘Cause I guaran-damn-tee MOST people have never experienced even an inkling of what orgasm can be. They grew up jerking off to skin mags and probably learned most of what they know about sex from watching the fakery of porn and memorizing the stupidity of magazine sex quizzes while standing in line at the store.
They should stop giving advice and read my fucking blog already!
- REGISTER for Tantra-based orgasm training
- Sign up for the ArousedWoman newsletter
- Take the ArousedWoman Orgasm Questionnaire
December 5, 2012 | Categories: anatomy, AskTrish, awakening, blended orgasm, cervical orgasm, chi, clit, clitoral orgasm, coregasm, cosmic orgasm, ejaculation, emotion, energy center, energy field, energy raising, erection, female orgasm, female prostate, full body waves, genital yoga, hard sex, heartgasm, libido, lingam, male orgasm, male perspective, men, multiple orgasms, penis, porn, reclaiming sexuality, reiki, sacred sex, SASO's, sex education, sexual health, sexuality, she spot, solo sex, soulgasm, spirit, Tantra, Taoism, techniques, training, uterus, vagina, vulva, waves, women's sexuality, yang, yin, yoga, yoni | 3 Comments
I’ve been trying to figure out what is going on. And I’m not any closer to understanding what’s happened with my progress, except that what started out as a great upswing in August seems to have already begun the cycle downward.
September was, once again, a month of huge transition for me. On the good side, I gleefully entered Cougar-dom. But personally, I was going through a lot that I can’t write about in a public manner like this (yet). Last September, the end of my Karmic Year, heralded the end of an amazing year professionally, personally, and orgasmically, only to turn my bliss upside down with the death of my theatre mentor, my father had to have multiple operations, and my daughter was ill. I’ve never noticed September to be such a gateway of abrupt change before. Perhaps because change is already in the air each September with the arrival of Autumn, the end of (most) fears of bad hurricanes, my daughter’s new school year beginning, my birthday, and it is the month before Samhain (the Gaelic turn of the year and honoring of ancestors and those who have died).
With all the focus on my theatre writing career, getting ArousedWoman kicked into gear, my daughter starting high school, and other things that ground me in the mundane, I had felt the loss of that higher vibration that I’d been swimming in since September 2010. That September, I had just moved out of my miserable marriage, was starting my new gig writing about theatre for a major online site, and began my journey on energy orgasmic awakening. It was truly wonderful back then. September 2010 to September 2011 was astounding and life-changing in so many ways. September 2011 to September 2012 was wonderful, too, as well as trying and frustrating, but ultimately rewarding.
From an orgasmic point of view, my SASO’s (stealth and spontaneous orgasms) had not been so stealth or spontaneous. The instant nipple-gasms were not so instant. Granted, I no longer needed my O’s to be stealth — I’m home alone during the day again. But the nipple-gasms now took 30 seconds or so of stimulation to start the orgasm ball rolling — same with my not-so-spontaneous OM-clit orgasms. Also, my body did not react the same to these orgasms. My back arched but not as much or as suddenly as when these type of orgasms first began. Nor were these orgasms fractal as they had been during the summer when I could literally have orgasms for hours just by barely touching my nipples or the upper left side of my clit, or even from the brush of air from the ceiling fan! Compounding this, the after-O’s were not as strong nor lasted as long. I was not having deskgasms, leg-gasms, heartgasms, urination-gasms, scalpgasms, or face-gasms.
It’s as if I somehow became unplugged from the multiverse’s orgasm channel. I’d lost my ticket to the cosmic bliss train.
Is it the end of the world? No. Is it the end of my world? Quite possibly. When everything else in my life is crazy and uncertain, having the bliss of my SASO’s was like a calm in the storm.
Now, I know the men reading this just want me to get back to talking about my vagina, or my clit, or anything other than what they probably consider “nagging.” But as a woman, this mind fuzz is a big part of why women aren’t sexually satisfied. We worry. A lot. The worry keeps us in the mundane when orgasms, particularly the energy-based orgasms, require the psyche and spirit to be free to lift up to a higher vibration, and by leaving the mundane physical behind, the body rises up to the higher vibration and, therefore, to true orgasm, rather than the person settling for climaxes that are limited to the manipulated reflexes of the mundane meat-suit.
In truth, I realized sometime during the summer that my over-allowance of Yin was affecting me adversely in my personal and even professional life. I will write more on that at a later date, since I’m still crawling out of that experience. But September 2012 was the lowest of the low points in regard to Yin taking over. Life circumstances presented me with the choice of wallowing in a more self-destructive version of Yin or begin the climb out and start fighting again. At the time, I choose to climb and fight. I lost the mundane battle, as I thought I would, but at least I fought, and that was a huge milestone for me in my journey toward balance.
Don’t get me wrong. I had welcomed Yin — I was too extremely Yang in life, career, and sex. I needed to learn to allow and to receive. I appreciate the lessons learned from Yin. However, somewhere between the allowing of Yin, the rising of sexual Chi through Tantra, the awakening of the Kundalini serpent, and the overall self-discovery of spontaneous cosmic bliss, my awareness pendulum had swung too far into the realm of Yin. I was too much the observer and not the do-er, the receiver not the initiator.
This is crucial to understand because, for me, orgasms are no longer about sex, being sexual, or being physically, sexually satisfied, but rather, orgasm is about plugging into the super-consciousness, living in a higher vibration, and enjoying the lift-off to the Other Side. Riding that wave is like leaving the body behind for a while and swimming in total awareness of the cosmos, surfing above the clouds in an energy that is almost indescribable.
All of these revelations were important to my growth. They signify I have more work to do on my self. This requires patience, acceptance, and time. And that really sucks.
* Read Part 2 here. *
Aroused and climbing,
October 22, 2012 | Categories: anatomy, awakening, chi, clit, connection, cosmic orgasm, DailyOJ, energy raising, full body waves, heartgasm, journey, kundalini, mind noise, nipples, SASO's, sexual energy, spiritual, Tantra, techniques, urination, women's sexuality, yang, yin | 1 Comment
I had felt a weird buzzy energy all day — all week, actually. The hurricane had not really broken up once it hit land as it was supposed to. Instead, Isaac is heading south, back toward the Gulf. We really don’t need this thing to re-form as a hurricane. But the energy in the air is absolutely electric. And that part, I love. I feed off storm energy — odd since storms are more associated with water, and I am a Fire spirit. But lightning is Nature’s fire, so I am acutely aware of the electricity in the air.
I had just re-started my journey August 8th, gotten some great sessions in, and then Hurricane Isaac forced school closures for a week which tied in with the Labor Day holiday. But, now I’m back to being alone and able to continue this journey… until the next unforeseeable interruption… Grrrr…
With the energy, I truly felt electric. I couldn’t sit still. I just wanted to walk outside, play in the rain, the deluge outside, revel in the energy I had been feeding on for a few weeks. Yet, this constant rain makes me want to sleep. I sleep so amazingly well when it’s raining outside; the steady rhythm calms me regardless of the thunder. This Yin-Yang of energy pulling me toward either extreme at any moment felt like a sexual tension that needed to be rubbed. So I decided to pursue that.
As I began, I had my delicious stealth and spontaneous orgasms (SASO’s). I’ve needed to start with the nipple stim to “tone down” the sensitivity in my breasts, just so I can do some sensual massage with the KSMO and OM touch. I did KSMO for about 4 minutes but my voice started to hurt, so I stopped. I tried some light OM-touch, but that erupted in more SASO’s, so I stopped trying to do anything that was “practice” and just went for some prostate love instead.
My prostate was very receptive to touch, and my vagina was wet from the nipple and OM orgasms. I did some absentminded massage/caresses on my inner thigh and up my torso, wherever my hand wanted to go — I wasn’t really thinking about it. I noted the changes in my prostate as arousal deepened.
I also noticed how much I love the feeling of my breasts. I don’t have anywhere near a “perfect” body, but I honestly love the feel of my body. I especially love the feeling of my breasts, their shape and satiny smooth skin. The underside of the breast has a super concentration of nerve endings, nerves that are connected directly to my clit. The spinning ceiling fan blew drafts of air across my breasts, and the otherwise smooth areolas puckered up like they’d been dipped in ice water as my nipple tips grew dark pink and strained upward. I noticed I didn’t feel a zing of energy to my clit. I figured my prostate was overwhelming the nerve switchboard in my brain, so I just enjoyed the exquisite feel of the sensitive skin of my breasts and my puckered tips.
Feeling all lovey-dovey about my body, I figured I might as well do a hands-on blended set of O’s to get started before moving on to Sparkles for the main attraction. And yet, several minutes in to it, I wasn’t increasing arousal in the clit area. My prostate was getting very aroused and wet, but I felt almost nothing as I did circles with my clit. This went on a few minutes more, and I exclaimed (in my head), “What the hell’s wrong with my clit?!!”
That about put me in an observationist panic. Not only was I not allowing and receiving the arousal process, but for some reason, I had become attached to the outcome. Non-attachment was on coffee-break while the Yang energy was rearing its competitive head. I had worked so hard to become more Yin, to release the go-getter aspect of Yang energy. And I wrote not too long ago that I was worried my sessions were going so swimmingly, they were becoming mechanical. Well, obviously NOT!
I was more frustrated with myself for “blaming” my clit for not doing whatever I preconceived she was supposed to do than I was upset that my prostate was aroused and my clit wasn’t. I let off my clit and moved my right hand to my breast. I was not “going” for a prostate orgasm — those take forever. In the old days, a G-spot/vaginal-only orgasm would take a minimum of an hour and sometimes up to 90 minutes to achieve. Exhausting! I didn’t have that kind of time, and frankly, I wasn’t looking for that much of a cardio endurance workout.
After just a few strokes inside on my prostate and a couple barely-there touches on my nipple tip, I had a SASO/prostate/She Spot orgasm that hit like a Kundalini orgasm with all the full-body waves of a 90 minute prostate pumping marathon. It was shockingly powerful and utterly delicious! My back arched uncontrollably, my legs came up as I would expect with a K-orgasm, but this was deeper and even more full — because of the prostate involvement.
I lay there afterward rather speechless and trying to process all the feelings in my body. It was incredible. I felt the after-O’s, my hips were still moving, my abs still contracting, my breathing took a while to return to normal.
Then I disappointed myself by reaching for Sparkles. The disappointment was that I wasn’t going to use Sparkles in a beautiful moment to see what there was to feel. I knew ahead of time, this was about my clit, and I had to make sure I wasn’t “broken.” I stopped using vibration to induce orgasm almost two years ago due to numbness in my clit — that took over 6 months to begin to feel sensation again. I was terrified something was wrong — that the start, stop, start, stop of my practice was interfering with my progress so dramatically my clit had had enough and wanted no part of it. (NO!!!)
Long story short, Sparkles worked his magick on my prostate while I found a groove with my clit, and the ensuing orgasms were intense and induced the standard emotion. However mechanical my process and the resulting orgasms and emotion had seemed to become, they are gold standards now, and anything other than amazing orgasmic highs now sends me into a panic that something’s wrong with me… clearly, I have cobwebs in my mental attic that need addressing. Could use a can of Mindfuzz-B-Gone… if it existed. No, I’ll have to process this the old-fashioned way. One orgasmic session at a time.
Aroused and regressing (Grrrrrr…),
September 11, 2012 | Categories: awakening, blended orgasm, breasts, clit, DailyOJ, female orgasm, fingering, fire, full body waves, g-spot, journey, kundalini, mind noise, nipples, sexual energy, techniques, vagina, women's sexuality, yang, yin | Leave a comment