A reader of my blog in England has written in with a great question about how to stop his addiction to porn and how to stop ejaculating. He also has a keen interest in Tantra and wants to know how to grow his experience in a sensual, loving way and ditch porn for good.
Here’s the missive he sent me:
Hi Trish, and thank you for your amazing work.
I’m a married man in my late twenties, and I suspect I have a very strong sex drive. Unfortunately, I developed an addiction to porn, probably due to a lack of sexual guidance and education.
I have been looking into tantra for a long time, but until now, this practice hasn’t been going much further than buying books. I just can’t seem to be able not to ejaculate, as if without it, all the tension in my mind and body can’t be channeled; and I keep going back to porn.
What is the best way to start developing a healthy sexuality and not misusing my sexual energy, and what can I do to stop my porn addiction? With a computer around it seems way to difficult to stop, but at the same time, [the] internet opens me to information like your work that helps [in] dealing with my issue.
How can I find a trustworthy tantric master in my area (England) who will guide me in this process?
Such a great topic! And I do my best to answer his questions in my latest video. So be sure to check it out. And leave a comment below to share your own journey with expansion and positive sexuality.
Today was the second day in a row that I did my practice. I did it once last week, and the results were noticeable from the immediate after-play as well as the 4 a.m. session later that night … and the next night. My body has not forgotten.
Of course, I knew this. I can still spend hours having my nipple-orgasms and SASO clit orgasms. But I have not been on a regular practice of training my body for orgasms in well over a year-and-a-half. Dealing with various issues — running for Congress, sexual trauma PTSD, etc. — put my practice on hold as I needed to observe and continue my healing process. This is ironic since my Tantrik orgasm practice has been so healing in so many ways. But this time, the healing that I needed was more emotional than physical or sexual. So I allowed myself time to heal.
Now, I’m back on my practice. Why? Because I miss my heart-gasms, laugh-gasms, urination-orgasms. I miss all those things that took my breath away when I first began this awakening journey. (Remember, “arouse” means “to awaken”.)
Another reason for the training hiatus was that I wanted to see if I needed a regular practice to maintain the “results” of my initial practice and subsequent astounding, mind-boggling, earth-shattering awakenings. Could regular masturbation maintain my awakened prostate? Could moaning during masturbation be a substitute for the vocalized mantra during practice sessions? Could I have all the benefits without the “work”?
Yes. And no.
While I can still have the ceiling fan orgasms, sheet orgasms, or the labia orgasms, they are more subtle. I haven’t had a urination orgasm in a long while, and I am surprised at how much I miss them! I highly recommend them. Truly!
One thing that is imperative to understand about this journey is that it is a cycle of experiences: highs and lows, joys and fears, progress and stagnation, euphoria and frustration. I have had to learn unbelievable patience with myself, with my body, with my individual process, to allow the process and remember that there is no finishline. And trust me, as an Irish chick, patience does NOT come naturally to me.
Over the past year, I noticed that my climax orgasms had changed. As my practice subsided (for lack of time and privacy more than anything), the explosion of the clitoral part of my climax orgasm seemed to fade, or at least blend into the wave climax of my prostate. If you’re familiar with prostate (i.e., erroneously monikered “G-spot”) orgasms, they tend to be full-body, wavelike, back-arching orgasms, whereas clitoral orgasms have a genitally-focused, explosive, ab-crunching-forward body response. I could feel the signals of arousal and climax of my clit externally and internally, but there was no longer the intense explosion. It was as if the climax slipped a gear and went from almost-there to in-the-throes without that delicious, explosive tension release.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining, merely explaining. These “slipped gear” orgasms allowed me to pay even more attention to my prostate — you know how I adore my anterior vaginal wall! Without the explosion of the clitoral response, not only was my prostate response even more noticeable, but I was able to continue the stimulation for much longer through the first climax and straight on to another climax a few seconds later, and another a few seconds later, and another, and another, until I was just too exhausted to do more…. Usually, with the explosive clit in the mix, I can get two or three climaxes; and then I’m just off into Neverland, and my arms must fly up over my head, which means my climaxing clit and prostate are unattended. With the prostate-dominant climaxes, I have been able to go for much longer and have many more orgasms in one session. Not a bad trade-off, I’d say.
This must be similar to what men experience when they are learning to control ejaculation in favor of multiple, full-body orgasms. As I’ve written numerous times, ejaculation is NOT the same as orgasm in men. And while it took a little getting used to the non-explosion climax, this new kind of climax was still very strong — even, very, very strong in a different way than I was accustomed to — and just as importantly, this type of climax was still capable of being emotional for me.
I was able to enjoy these orgasms regardless of which toy that I used or using my hands. (I only use glass or non-vibrating toys.) And I was still having spontaneous orgasms, too. The only real difference was that I was coasting on the rewards from my previous practice regimen rather than practicing regularly.
I’ll admit, at first, I was NOT happy about this. I was confused and really didn’t know what was going on. Was I broken? Was I ill? Was I having issues with my vascular or neurological systems? I didn’t know. So I didn’t write about it. I needed time to experience and explore before I could explain it. Remember, I’ve been winging this whole awakening thing for nearly four years now. There are not many people who understand female sexuality enough, especially from a Tantrik practice, to help me understand what was happening. There is much more information about male sexuality and male awakening through Taoist writings and practices. Sometimes, it feels as if my clit and prostate are pioneers. :-)
I truly started to love these new climaxes once I allowed myself to be open to what they could teach me about my body and about my sexual and sensual response. And who doesn’t love six, or eight, or 10 climaxes in the span of a few minutes?
Just as I was really learning all this newfound body wisdom, I found a glass toy I forgot I had and started back on my actual practice, and within two days, it’s all changing again….
Stay tuned for Part 2…
Aroused and pioneering,
(NOTE: The excessive number of links in this post is for peeps who are new to my blog and may not know all the things I’m referencing. Enjoy!)
But the answer isn’t as simple as “do this here”, “do that there”.
A woman is not a robot. Neither is a man. There is more to arousal and sexual happiness than just the application of regimented “rub this”, “poke that”, “twist those”….
Watch the video below as I address Tantrik techniques for better orgasms.
For today’s “AskTrish”, a friend (who wishes to remain anonymous) contacted me about his “addiction” he’s developed to the “special finish” offered at a local massage place. He wants help, and I’m here to help him! Watch the video to hear my advice on how to handle this situation.
To contact me for an AskTrish question or to schedule a 1-on-1 consult, email me through my site: http://www.ArousedWoman.com.
In case you missed it, I’ve been doing some videos as an introduction to Tantra — real Tantra, not just the sexy side of Tantra. But in this video, I do indeed focus on sex as I give my number one tip for great Tantrik sex.
And you won’t guess what it is!
Watch, and be sure to leave a comment on my YouTube page.