(*In response to a query about my fluctuating orgasmic experiences which hit an incredible peak in November, but have waned since then.*)
Today was my first proper KSMO 20-minute protocol since the first week of December. With the holidays and my writing deadlines and my daughter being out of school, there was rarely a time I felt comfortable doing KSMO or any solo sex because I’m such a screamer nowadays.
I also understand the protocol a little better now, I think. I had thought that the feelings during the 20-minute session were supposed to be arousing (they’re not, per se) and lead to orgasm (nope), so it kind of left me wondering, “what the heck is the 20-minute session doing exactly?”
I was also confused by the inconsistent advice in the forum — some people need to do the protocol exactly, but others can do what they want. It’s called a “protocol” but then I’m told it’s “suggested guidelines” — sorry, but protocol and suggested guidelines are too very different animals. This coupled with my recent experiences with some asshole men on the forum is leaving me with some animosity toward the whole KSMO thing, which may be manifesting in a psychosomatic way and affecting my practice.
So having been told that I can pursue an orgasm after the 20-minute protocol session, I do sometimes. I don’t get anywhere near orgasm during KSMO, but the stimulation makes my body really ready for a trip down orgasm lane. Sometimes I don’t “go for it,” but rather, I just relax, a deep relaxation almost to the point of dozing off, which helps recharge my batteries (no vibrator pun intended!). But sometimes, yes, I “go for it” and enjoy the ensuing orgasms..
My main concern (during the holidays) is that since starting with the KSMO practice in August, I get so loud during sex that I knew I’d disturb the neighbors with my moaning and roaring. October through November, the KSMO practice had me buzzing, echoing, whatever you want to call it, 24/7. Back then, I was doing stimulation for the whole 20 minutes — oops! Here again, inconsistency in advice in the forum rears its ugly head — I was told it was okay to stim the whole time if I wanted to, while others said to do the caress on “protocol” — I find this to be very annoying. I had amazing early success using my intuition and incorporating my knowledge of other systems like Tantra touch and yogic breathing. And I’ve found that people with backgrounds in other energy / sound systems do indeed have quick success. But doing the “protocol” as stipulated actually seems to have set me back.
I even thought about that today. Since doing just the single caress, it doesn’t do for me what the constant stimulation did. But I will have to wait until tomorrow to see if my prostate kicks in. Back in October / November, I could do a key sound off the cuff, and BAM! There she was — my amazing prostate was totally ready for searing orgasm bliss — a fiery heat pulsing from within like she was going to expand right through my body and outside of me. Incredible and addictive!
At the time, I almost wanted a reprieve from that 24/7 wired to the universe, hands and feet buzzing with energy, chest wall vibrating, pelvis totally jazzed, constant scalp- and spine-tingling arousal. Well, darn it, I got it. Now I’m wanting to get that spark back!
With the single caress stimulation, my prostate (which is my focus for now) doesn’t start having sensations until the next day — that day in between — and they’re not nearly as strong as before. So, you think maybe I should go back to the other (constant) stimulation? Or wait and see if doing the protocol “properly” develops new sensations?
Today, I did my 20 minutes and had a few minutes before I had to get back to my duties, so I enjoyed the warmth and wetness, but did not go to the point of orgasm. During the session, after the first couple of breaths / key sounds, I felt wild heat and throbbing in the genitals. I don’t know what the KSMO term for that is. I really had to focus to keep my mind on the breathwork and the feelings — and keep my mind from re-playing the events with the assholes from earlier. That was really hard, but I did manage to have an enjoyable 20-minutes. I’ll have to wait and see what I feel tomorrow. I’ll also do another “proper” 20 minute session on Saturday and see what, if anything, I feel Sunday.
This delay or lag in my KSMO / orgasm experience could be a natural waxing and waning as some people report, or again, it could be psychosomatic with the peripheral bullshit and inconsistent advice. Then there are the annoying holidays, the neighbors, et al. I feel I lost that “train of thought” that I had just discovered, and now it’s dormant. I don’t know at this point, and unfortunately, the only way to find out is to keep trying and stay in this “wait and see” pattern.
Aroused and fluctuating,